DISCLAIMER: do I really have to say it again? I don't own TRC.
Okay, so this is a double update, and I have no idea when I'll be able to publish another one (hopefully soon, but I'm a desperately inconsistent writer)
Please take note, for all of the Piffle Arc: my technical knowledge = zero. I'm making this up. The sad part is, I should know part of this stuff, but I don't. So please, bear with me on this. I'm totally winging it (pun intended)
And to all of you who comment, thank you so much! ^_^ I love you!
The familiar lights of the Yuuka district blind me for a moment, but that isn't where we stop. The next thing I know, we crash in a mountain of flowers, which luckily cushions our fall.
"Damn… I forgot about this part," I groan, standing up in a shower of white blooms. Around me, everyone is covered in flowers, almost like in an apparition from heaven. It takes Syaoran little time to recognize the place.
"This is… the country of Shara?" he exclaims, seeming bewildered.
"It is?" I ask, looking around us. The clothing looks the same than in Shara, but this is definitely not the Yuuka district. We seem to be in some sort of shrine, all decorated for celebration. Colourful banners fly in the wind, flower petals float in the air, a crowd presses itself around us in what seems to be endless bliss. The atmosphere here is so different than that of the battlefield that I can barely believe it's real.
"Safely landed! Perfect score!" Mokona exclaims, landing with a small 'pit' on Kurogane's head, Fai clapping in the background. The ninja looks ready to massacre the fur-ball. I can't help but agree; how come we never get the smooth landing?
"We've returned here?" Sakura asks in a small voice. I'm surprised she's awake so soon after gaining a feather; then again, she has slept an awful lot these past days. What also surprises me is the presence of members of the Suzuran clan in the crowd. I've already figured that this must be the shrine we've heard so much about during our first stay here, but then why would the Suzuran clan be allowed into it? Not far away, I see a monk deep in friendly conversation with an acrobat, offering her flowers. And yet they were at war with each other last time we came by; what could've happened?
"Ah, guests!" I turn towards the voice. Several woman are looking curiously at us, all of which I recognize from the circus. Even 'Hina' and 'Hinata' are there, but they show no sign of recognition. "Where are you from?" the first woman to speak asks. If they notice the blood stains on our clothing, they don't show it.
"Er…" Syaoran starts, exchanging confused glances with me and Sakura. I shrug. He looks around to the men and woman mingling happily as though nothing ever separated them. "I… I've heard that the people from the shrine and people from the Yuuka district…" he starts, visibly trying to grasp what has happened. A man comes to join us.
"Well, as you can see," he begins with a smile, wrapping his arm around the closest woman's shoulders.
"We went on touring performances around the Yuuka district," she finishes for him, placing a hand on his chest.
"Whenever we encounter a problem, the men from the shrine always help out," a younger woman adds.
"Hey! As long as it's something we can do, just call us and we will answer!" the man says in false modesty.
"Yeah!" a girl cheers behind him.
"You stud!" another exclaims.
"They get along very well," Mokona notices, poking his head between Sakura and Syaoran. I shake my head in disbelief. This can't be the same Shara we went to, that's impossible.
"This place is different from the Shara country we went to," Syaoran mumbles, thoughtful.
"You mean it's the same place, but in a different dimension?" Fai asks, leaning in closer. I shrug.
"But can things be this similar in two different worlds?" I reply, and Sakura shrugs. Suddenly, a thunder of applause and cheers erupts behind us.
"What's that about?" Kurogane says gruffly, turning to see the cause of the commotion.
"You are in luck, travellers!" a woman says. "Today is a wedding day!" Well, that explains all the decorations. I turn around to see why everyone is screaming, and catch a glimpse of what must be the bride and groom through the crowd. My breath catches in my throat. No… really?
"Suzuran-chan!" Sakura exclaims, visibly as surprised as I am.
"Isn't that the priest?" Kurogane asks Fai. The mage shrugs. I smile.
"Souseki-sama, right?" I say, craning my neck to get a better view. He's tall and thin, a pair of small glasses perched precariously on his nose. He's not the most handsome man I've ever seen, but the way he looks at Suzuran… I know I was right. To him, she is the most precious thing in the world. My eyes turn to Suzuran. In her flowing white gown, she is beautiful. Her smile alone is enough to light the scene around us. Nothing remains of the tired woman crying before the statue of the guardian god that failed her.
"Perfect!" the man behind us now exclaims. "Today is a good day! Today is also the founding day of our gods!"
"Look closely! Our guardian gods!" the woman beside him echoes, as they show us a space framed by curtains. Peering in closer, I gasp. This is just weird…
I remember the statue of Ashura, of course, seeing as I've seen the original quite often these past weeks. I've never seen the other statue, however, but I can recognize the features of Yasha-ou on the stone. The same sword Ashura-ou would not leave after the other king's death is in its arms. Both statues sit in harmony on the same lotus flower, stone flames sprouting around them. I smile softly. So they were finally allowed to be together.
"They've been together like this since the time we first dug them out," the woman explains.
"Yeah. Because it is said that they shouldn't be separated!" the man adds.
"Thanks to the protection of those two gods, the country of Shara can be prosperous and peaceful," the woman concludes. Syaoran and Fai are also smiling. Suddenly, Mokona hops from Syaoran's shoulder and lands in front of the statues.
"Hey hey, look!" he exclaims, pointing at a box laid before the statues. We lean in to get a better look, and Syaoran, Sakura and I have the same motion of surprise.
"Huh?" we cry out as one. In the box, securely tucked away, is the braided wig Syaoran wore, a flower hairpiece I distinctly remember seeing on Sakura, and the vermilion silk shirt I've worn both in Shara and Shura.
"These are…" Sakura says, bringing a hand to her mouth in shock.
"We've worn these…" Syaoran continues, too low for the man and woman to hear him. They lean in with us now.
"Those are the sacred objects," the woman says, smiling. The man passes a hand through his hair.
"They were placed here for worship a long time ago," he explains. We all look at each other in incomprehension. The man chuckles. "I guess there's a reason for these," he adds, not sounding too convinced.
"Hey, over there are our masters!" the woman suddenly exclaims, pointing at Suzuran and Souseki-sama finally exiting the crowd. She turns to us apologetically. "We don't have time to talk right now."
"The ceremony for the bride and groom is about to begin!" someone in the crowd yells.
"Let's go!" the man says, pulling the woman after him. She follows, waving back at us.
"There'll be a reception! Come and join us!" she offers. They run off. We wait until they've disappeared from earshot until we speak again.
Fai looks curiously at the box. "You three have worn these in the past?" he asks, and we nod in unison.
"The people from Yuuka in the country of Shara gave these to us," Sakura says.
"We took them off when we changed clothes in Shura," Syaoran adds. "And then…"
"You mean you left them in the country of Shura?" Fai asks, pointing at the box. Once again, we nod. The mage cocks his head to the side, thoughtful. Syaoran looks away in the distance, seemingly pondering something.
"Didn't Shura look like a past reflection of Shara?" he asks, startling me. Now that I think about it, they did have odd similarities. But for them to be the same world at different times?
"What's going on?" Kurogane asks. Syaoran frowns.
"We arrived in the country of Shara first," he says. "After that, what if we went to the country of Shara's past, the country of Shura? And then, we came back to the country of Shara?"
"It's still the same place, but we travelled to the past and then came back to the present," Fai understands. "So are you saying only time shifted?"
"No," I say, shaking my head. "Some things here don't make sense."
"Yes, like why did the country of Shara change so much?" Sakura says, looking around.
"The men and women used to be on very bad terms," Mokona reminds us.
"And the statues," I add. "They used to be separated, and yet we're being told they've always been together." Syaoran looks at the statues of Yasha and Ashura, deep in thought.
"Then maybe…" he mutters, suddenly in shock. Something hits me then.
"Wait a second," I say, turning to Syaoran. "Didn't you tell Kumara that if they ever find remains of the kings, or anything to remember them by…" Bury them together. The consequence of this revelation sinks in. My eyes widen.
"The future has been rewritten, hasn't it?" Fai asks, more as a statement than a question, his smile sombre for a moment.
"Oh?" Kurogane says gruffly.
"In the country of Shara that we first went to, the statue of Ashura stood alone," Syaoran says.
"So did the statue of Yasha," confirms Fai.
"What we, travellers from the future, have said in the past, was carried out closely by the people of the Ashura clan. They didn't separate the statues but put them together to be worshipped," Syaoran concludes. I reach to the statue of Ashura, remembering the first time I touched it; it was warm, too warm for stone. And I know now, it was calling – for someone who could hear, who could repair what had been done. It was calling to fire. I smile. And fire came.
"They would have wanted it this way," I say, letting my fingers brush on the stone, now cool as it should be. There is no more reason to call. Ashura can rest in peace.
"Not to mention," Fai adds to Syaoran's reflection, "that placing the two statues together did not cause any strange phenomenon. Because they did not cause any strange things to happen, the people from the shrine and Yuuka district didn't have a reason to fight each other."
"And it ends up like this," Kurogane concludes, sternly, pointing towards the cheering crowd and newlyweds. I smile hopelessly at him.
"Could you be a little more romantic?" I scold him.
"That's great, though!" Sakura cheers. "Everyone is so happy!"
"But…" Syaoran protests, and we all turn to him.
"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura asks, and he smiles as though nothing happened.
"No… nothing," he says. I wonder what happened to Henrik, if truly we are in the future of his country. Did we change his future as well, simply by being there, or by causing peace between the two rival factions? Did I change what his future would have been? If so, was it better or worse than his original fate? As though an answer, music breaks into the crowd of people, and I recognize the tune; the one Henrik played on my first morning in Shura, and again today, as we were talking in the sunrise. I smile. I hope the music is a good omen.
"Hey, white manjuu," Kurogane tells Mokona, who now resides on his head, "why didn't you drop us in the country of Shura in the first place? That way, even the country of Yama that the Yasha clan resided in would-" He doesn't have the time to finish his sentence, as the fur-ball's mouth opens wide, sucking in the very air we breathe. Wind roars around the statues of Ashura and Yasha, and two swords appear from the stone only to rush past us and into Mokona's mouth.
"Ashura-ou and Yasha-ou's swords!" Syaoran exclaims. The world is silence again, and all we hear is the small sound of Mokona swallowing the swords. The fur-ball sits back contentedly on Kurogane's head.
"One of Mokona's 108 secret abilities!" he croons. "Super magnetism!"
"It's not a secret anymore, is it!" Kurogane roars, trying to slap Mokona off. The fur-ball only giggles, avoiding the blow.
"Swallowing the guardian gods' swords…" Syaoran starts, still bewildered.
"Is that really okay?" Sakura concludes, in the same state. Fai shrugs.
"Probably not," he says with a laugh, not seeming to care the slightest bit. I shake my head hopelessly. Suddenly, a wave of cheering shakes the crowd and we turn around to see Karen-Dayuu atop a ladder, showering the audience with small flames. Everyone in the crowd seems to have been brought back to an almost childlike state, trying to catch the sparks before they die out in their hands.
"They're beautiful! Like a shower of petals!" Sakura marvels. Syaoran smiles.
"Yeah," he agrees. Kurogane starts marching determinedly towards the crowd.
"Let's go to the reception," he decides, without bothering to consult us. Fai laughs.
"Kuro-run really wants a drink," he says. I look at him, sceptic.
"Oh, and you don't want to?" I say with a grin. He shows me his angelic face.
"No, after last night, I'm good," he answers, and I sigh. Why everything has to turn around alcohol, I don't know.
Mokona's wings sprout unexpectedly before Kurogane has a chance to reach the party.
"Wah…?" Sakura exclaims.
"So soon?" I ask. The whirlwind twirls around us, ripping off tiny pieces of matter as it goes. With a laugh, Fai grabs Kurogane by the collar and drags him back here.
"No!" the ninja protests. "We are here! Let me grab a drink at least!" The mage ignores him and turns around to me, reaching for my hand. I hurriedly shift away, letting him grab hold of my elbow. He eyes me curiously for a second, then turns to Syaoran with a broad grin.
"Hey Syaoran-kun!" he calls over the wind. "Don't get separated from Sakura-chan. Hold on tight!" Both blushing, the kids softly grab each other's hand and look at each other. Syaoran smiles kindly, and Sakura's blush gets deeper. I send one last glance to Suzuran and Souseki; now pressed close to one another, they nurse one of Karen-Dayuu's flames in their joined hands. Souseki-sama looks at Suzuran the same way Syaoran looks at Sakura – like she is more precious to him than life itself. I guess that's what love really is.
"We wish you will be happy together," I hear Syaoran say.
"Best fortune," I add, stealing Raken's expression. Fai's hand squeezes my arm gently as we disappear from this world.
XxX
If there is any way for us to stand out more than we do now, I wish we never find it. Because this is ridiculously awkward.
"What are you looking at?" Kurogane growls at a group of pre-teens, who shriek in terror and scatter under his gaze. I sigh.
"Leave them alone, they're not the only ones," I tell the ninja. "Now come on, we're trying to find out something useful."
"What would be useful is for them to get a few lessons on manners," he grumbles. "Like how it's rude TO STARE AT PEOPLE!" he roars, eyeing the general population that seems to have made it its duty not to leave us unattended at any time. When a group of people finally tire of watching us, all wide-eyed, another takes its place.
Syaoran's face is beet red. "Um… maybe we should…" he mutters, visibly trying to find a worthy compromise. Mokona laughs.
"We sure stand out!" he exclaims joyfully, as though it was a good thing. I shake my head. It's true that our Shura and Yama battle gear doesn't quite fit in with the clothes of the locals, and the addition of weapons and a few bloodstains doesn't help in the eyes of this neatly-trimmed populace.
"Let's just look for food," I offer. "I'm starving." That is, if they agree to serve us anywhere. If the general reaction is any indicator, I say we may have some way to go before being granted access to a food court.
"All right then! We are off to find some food!" Fai proclaims, grabbing Kurogane by the collar and dragging him in a random direction. I sigh. Even more people are staring now that Fai and Kurogane are making spectacles of themselves. I notice that they seem much more tolerant of each other now than before, however, and that amongst the teasing and growling one can sometimes glimpse a flash of camaraderie between the two men.
"I SAID NOT TO DRAG ME LIKE THAT! DIE!" Well, I did say sometimes.
"Um, Kurogane-san, Fai-san," Sakura interrupts timidly. "I think I may have found a place where they sell food." Half of the people on the street follow her arm as it points to a nearby neon sign.
"It's the same writing as in my country," she explains, blushing. "It says it's a restaurant." Syaoran nods in agreement. I look to the sky and the looming buildings overhead with a grunt.
"Then what are we waiting for?" I ask, leading our group through the busy square, towards the sign. This isn't hard, considering all the attention we attract to ourselves. People seem to part before us without too much prompting; and if we reach an obstacle, one look from a disgruntled Kurogane is usually enough to dissolve the problematic cluster in an instant.
"Ladies and gentlemen," a booming voice suddenly erupts among the loud pop music blasting in the square. The large floating screens around us animate, showing clips of cheering crowds and thrown confetti. "Don't forget to buy your tickets to see the Dragonfly race of the year, here in our very own city of Piffle!" Images of flying cars light up the screens. "The suspense! The bravery! The grandeur of it all! Watch as the best racers on the planet compete to see who will earn the unique prize offered this year!"The music becomes victorious, and a golden trophy twirls on-screen. "This exceptional source of energy never fails to deliver, and anyone could be the lucky winner of this amazing opportunity!" The trophy melts into another object, and this time I stop my march to get a better look. No. Impossible. "Sign up today, racers! Don't miss it! This event is sponsored by Piffle Princess, who let's you wear the crown!" Half of the square has frozen, to better look at us look at the screens.
"Sakura's feather!" Syaoran exclaims, staring at the screen before us with wide eyes. I nod.
"Yup," I say, still shaken. "It's that easy." The prize everyone will be competing for, the exceptional source of energy, is very recognizable as it twirls on the screens around us. There's no way to mistake it for something else. It's one of Sakura's feathers.
I look at Fai and Kurogane, and then we all turn to Syaoran, but he ignores us. His eyes grow coldly determined as he watches Sakura's feather appear on every screen in the square. I sigh, resigned.
"We're going to win that race," the four of us announce as one. And most of the square to applaud our declaration.
XxX
"Well, well, well," the voice says. "Look who's here. My own little sorceress. Lovely. I was getting bored, without anyone to break. And there you are." There's a laugh. My body is paralysed, I can't move, can't even utter a sound. Yet I manage to shudder.
"You thought you could escape me. You thought you could escape yourself, didn't you?" Whispers, sickly sweet and cold. "But you tasted blood. You liked it. I know what it feels like, you soulless shell. I remember. You still had enough self-control to break it before he died, but that won't last long. Oh, I know that look, sweet monster of mine. And don't think that the so-called friendship you share with these little companions of yours will change anything. You're a dangerous little creature, although you don't look it now. Actually, I do pity the poor fools. They were finally free of you, and now they're back to where they were before, doomed to die because of you." I feel a breath next to my ear, and can almost see the lips curling into a bloodthirsty smile. "You know what? I think I just had an idea, one that'll save me much effort in getting rid of you. I found just the thing to break you. The little control you have won't last forever, you know, and when it dies, how much do you want to bet your little friends will be around?" I want to escape, scream, tell the voice to stop talking, to leave me alone, to stop telling lies. I want to dive in someone's arms and stay there until the night passes away. What the voice is saying is too horrible to be true. It chuckles.
"When will you finally realize that you are much more like me than you'll ever admit?" it says, satisfied. There's a slight pressure on my neck, but no deathly embrace. "I'll leave you alone for tonight," it says. "Well, not really alone, after all." Something heavy falls on me, and I can finally move. I struggle against the new object, feeling a heavy liquid ooze from it and trickle down my body, until I manage to roll it to the side. I start to shake as I realize what it is. A body. Dead. Its blood on my hands. Against my will, I peer in closer to the bloodstained face and scream.
XxX
"Syaoran's not up yet?" I ask, pulling my head out of the stinky mess the people here call an engine. Really, it's just a bunch of nuts and bolts to me.
"No, not yet," Sakura answers, walking down the stairs that lead outside. She shakes her head with a smile. "It's not often Syaoran-kun's the last one out of bed."
"Yeah, well he just officially missed breakfast," I announce, wiping my greasy hands on my pants. "Lunch is on the table, you can grab something on your way out."
"How do you do all this?" she marvels, taking a sandwich. "You're always working on your dragonfly, and you still find the time to make all the meals and clean around…"
"Hey, just keeping busy," I say, smiling. "And besides, Fai-san helps around sometimes, and I'm almost done my little personal upgrades." I flash a devilish grin. "Wouldn't want to make it easy on the other contestants, now would we?" She laughs.
"Do you want us to get you anything while we're out?" she offers, as Kurogane walks down the stairs and presses the button to make them rise again, exposing a smooth underbelly that serves as door. I think about it for a moment.
"Well, I could always use another one of these," I say, brandishing a short, bright blue tube. My secret weapon. "I busted this one trying to install it." I laugh sheepishly. "And good morning to you too, Kuro-tan-sama." My answer is a grunt.
"You should be more careful with your parts," he scolds me gruffly. "We don't have that much money, you know." Sakura runs to him as he steps in the car.
"See you later!" she calls, and I wave. Kurogane pushes the key in the ignition, with the clumsy confidence of someone who's only done it three or four times before. He won't admit it, but I think he still half-expects the thing to blow up in his face. His fears almost come true as the car heaves, coughs once, twice, and then puffs out a cloud of grey smoke before settling back on the ground.
"Kid!" Kurogane yells, waving the smoke away angrily. I run to them, laughing.
"Having engine troubles, sir?" I call teasingly under Kurogane's scowl, opening the hood of the car. I reach for the electric box, snap it open, arrange a few wires and slap it shut. "Here you go, all better!" I announce. "I really want to know where Fai got that car; it was unnaturally cheap, and I'm starting to know why," I laugh. Sakura looks to me in wonder.
"How do you know so much about the machines here?" she asks, bewildered. I grin.
"I, contrarily to everyone else in this household, actually read the instructions manual," I say, pulling the small book out of my pocket. "You have no idea how similar cars and dragonflies are." The main difference is that one's primary source of power is electricity, and it must be charged every now and then to work; the other's is wind, and it gains its energy as it flies. "I've been trying to work on this car since we got it," I grimace, "but the electric box is garbage. If you think about it, you might want to pick one up while you're out for parts."
"Yes!" Sakura exclaims determinedly, "we'll definitely find one!" I laugh, and Kurogane turns the key in the ignition again. This time the car roars to life, and the princess waves goodbye for a second time as Kurogane cautiously steers them onto the ramp and out of my sight. I walk back to the carcass of my dragonfly and slouch against it with a tired sigh. Sakura's right, I barely know how I do so much myself.
Our mobile house is perched on a platform, overlooking some of the tallest buildings in Piffle. There's some of every shape and colour, big and small, and the strange bird-like shapes in the sky are actually flying cars. Dragonflies, they are called. The entire city is built on levels – ramps grant access from one level to another, as do elevators placed in buildings. Each ramp is a miniature street of its own, with shops and traffic and people running around and screaming at each other. Ours is in a residential area, not nearly so busy. I watch the sky. Hovering between two buildings, a screen sends static to whoever watches it. Most places have clouds. Piffle has screens.
We're high enough that wind seems to be constantly blowing through our workplace, and I let it run through my hair, closing my eyes. I throw my head back and bathe in the sun for a few blessed moments, enjoying the relative silence we are entitled to as residents of the middle levels of Piffle.
"Raki-birdy-pinky-chan!" Fai's voice calls, and I see him lean over from a second-story window and waving enthusiastically. "We're coming down!" I grunt, and begin fiddling with the parts of my dragonfly, giving my hands something to do. Fai bursts from the house, not even waiting for the stairs to come down all the way. Mokona bounds after him. He grabs a sandwich from the table and takes a big bite out of it.
"Mmhm!" he exclaims. "So good, and so soon after breakfast too! Why didn't Little-birdy-sama ask me and Mokona to help? We weren't doing anything, only fooling around." He exchanges a smile with Mokona, and they both laugh. I shake my head.
"I didn't ask because I didn't need help," I answer. "And don't you think you can lay off the nicknames a little? I mean, you were never that bad before…" He smirks.
"Awww, but I haven't seen you in six months! Can't I have a little fun?" he asks, looking in all ways innocent. But I know better.
"You've been worst on Kuro-sama too," I notice, "and you've seen him for those six months." Fai waves my arguments away.
"Yes, but I couldn't very well talk to him then, could I?" he replies devilishly. "So I'm taking advantage of this." I roll my eyes. He laughs. "Come on, I'm happy to finally see you!" I'm happy to see him too, so much that I can't say it in words, but I grunt unconvincingly. He eyes me amusedly and taps the table beside him.
"Take a break," he offers, sitting down. "You've been working all morning, I'll bet." I pretend to dig through a box of supplies, ducking my head to hide my expression.
"No, I've taken breaks," I say. Truth is, I have been working all morning – either cleaning or cooking or upgrading my custom vehicle. I just like keeping my hands busy.
"Well then, take another one," the mage replies without ticking, pulling out a chair for me. "The race isn't for another day, you can spare a few minutes of work," he insists before my hesitation. I sigh, giving in.
"Fine, a few minutes," I agree, letting myself fall on the chair Fai is offering me. He pretends I don't see his little satisfied grin as he pushes the plate of sandwiches my way.
"Hungry?" he asks.
"I already ate," I answer. One of his eyebrows lifts in a faint arch.
"Did you?" he asks, nudging the plate, and I feel pink come up to my cheeks as I turn my head away to avoid his gaze. How could he know I haven't eaten?
"I'll eat later," is all I say. I curl my right leg under the chair. His fingers drum on the table.
"You haven't eaten much at all, since we've found you," he notices. "Is everything all right?" I shrug it off.
"It's only been two days," I tell him. "And with all that food we were being served in Shura, I'm surprised I didn't gain twenty pounds." I laugh, trying to turn this into a joke. Fortunately, Fai takes that opportunity.
"You were so lucky," he says with a smile. "In Yama, we were living on bread and cheese most of the time. Ah, the hard life of a soldier…" he deplores, shaking his head. I roll my eyes with a grunt.
"At least you weren't alone," I say. "You have no idea what it's like to be stuck someplace where you can't even understand a word that's being said, and everyone thinks you're a freak, and you don't know where Mokona is but you know he's far away, and…" you're not sure he's ever coming back, and you might be stuck there alone forever…
Fai eyes me amusedly. "Wanna bet?" he asks. I mentally slap myself.
"Okay, so you know exactly what it's like," I say. "Still, you had Kuro-tan for sanity boosting." He smiles at me.
"You didn't seem to stay lonely very long yourself," he says, stretching across the table. "What was his name again… Harry?"
"Henrik," I sigh. "Stop making fun of him, please." I know the mage only acts as if he can never remember Henrik's name to tease me, but I don't like it. It's only been two days, and I already miss the boy from Shura, with his easy laugh and reassuring presence. For some strange reason, Fai takes every opportunity to tease him in front of me. I already forgave him for not telling me who he was on the battlefield, and for hurting Henrik when he was only doing his job. I might have harmed one of his friends too, without knowing it. So I can't very well blame him for something that wasn't his fault.
We stay silent for a moment. I have to say something, if only to break the oppressing sound of the wind whistling in our ears.
"I… uh… I guess I never did thank you for shooting that man," I say, softly, almost hoping he didn't hear. But he shrugs.
"Like you said, it made us even," he answers with a smile. "No need to thank me." I remember the mage's face as his arrow shot through the man's neck. Hate and disgust mingled, for a reason I hadn't understood then. But of course, he had known it was me all along. So he had save my life. Whereas I had nearly taken his.
"I'm sorry," I say. Fai chuckles.
"You don't have to be sorry for saying thank you, Pinky-strawberry-chan," he says, and the nickname tells me that the hint of a serious conversation we had is over. I sigh, and a low grumble erupts from my stomach. Fai laughs, throwing his head back. Before I can react, he's grabbed a sandwich from the plate in front of us, and now holds it up to my mouth.
"Eat," he orders playfully. I shake my head, once again feeling my cheeks go pink. He brings the sandwich closer, so that it nearly touches my lips. "I know you're hungry," he teases. I want to take the sandwich myself, but Fai's hand is too big for me to avoid it. So I have no choice but to open my mouth and take a bite while Fai holds up my lunch for me.
"There you go," he says, satisfied, then once again pushes the food to my lips. "Now eat the rest." I shake my head, and I know that my face must be red by now. He chuckles, teasing me. "Come on, open your mouth again," he says. I reluctantly take another bite. The food is good, and it's true that I'm hungry.
"Aisha's eating from Fai's hand!" Mokona squeals, jumping around us. "How cute! Just like a real birdie!" At these words my eyes widen, and I jump back. I had almost forgotten about the little fur-ball.
"Ah!" I yelp, rising to my feet. "You! Go wake up Syaoran, make yourself useful!" I exclaim, pointing at Mokona. "And you! I'm not… I…" I can't find my words. "I'm not hungry," I finally stammer, turning on my heels and running to the dragonflies. I pretend not to hear Fai's laughter following me there.
I crouch behind Syaoran's vehicle, pretending to rummage through a toolbox. But I'm cursing under my breath and biting my lip, still confused as to why this was so embarrassing. I don't even think I would have ran off if it wasn't for Mokona's comment. All I know is that it was suddenly imperative to get away from Fai and his hazardous sandwiches. Vital, even.
The familiar whiz of the lowering staircase reaches my ears.
"Good morning," I hear Syaoran say.
"Morning!" Mokona echoes.
"Morning…" Fai greets them, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
"Hello," I say, peeking from behind Syaoran's dragonfly and waving. Syaoran waves back.
"Syaoran's awake!" Mokona announces, as though it wasn't already obvious.
"You're great, Mokona!" Fai says, giving the fur-ball a kiss.
"Sorry, I slept in," Syoran apologizes. Fai chuckles.
"You're very tired, I suppose," he says.
"Syaoran is always so full of energy!" Mokona adds. Syaoran looks around.
"Where are Sakura-hime and Kurogane-san?" he asks.
"They're off shopping, because we didn't have enough parts for these," Fai says, designating the dragonflies and standing up. I follow his example, but have to stop a moment and lean against Syaoran's vehicle. It doesn't last long, so nobody notices.
"We've got to win this race no matter what," Fai continues, "because the prize is Sakura-chan's feather."
"Yup," I say, throwing a wrench towards Syaoran. "Think fast!" He catches it. "But your dragonflies won't finish themselves, you know, so you better start working."
"Why, you sure are brutal this morning!" Fai laughs. I glare at him, which makes him laugh even louder. Syaoran's gaze follows each of us curiously, then looks at Mokona who only smiles smugly.
"Syaoran would know if Syaoran hadn't slept in," he says teasingly. But the boy doesn't insist, and neither I nor Fai seem particularly eager to inform him. We all get to work in a few minutes, each adding their own upgrades and modifications to our vehicles. The rules of the race specify that each dragonfly must be unique, personalized by the owner. Racing dragonflies aren't even available fully equipped, forcing the racer to work on it himself.
I've found myself in a sitting position by the time the sun is lowering in the sky, which is much more comfortable than standing. I'm painting small designs on the hood of my dragonfly, which is rather pointless except for the fact that I want mine to look as good as it will be. Besides, I can't do anything worthwhile before Sakura and Kurogane arrive with more parts, and they seem to be taking their time.
"You know," Fai says during one of his many breaks, "we came to a strange country again. Boxes are flying in the sky and running around on the ground."
"Cars!" I call to him. "They're called cars, how many times do I have to tell you?" He grins at me.
"Sorry, I don't know what cars are," he replies, laughing. I shake my head hopelessly.
"When I talk to you, does it just go in one ear and then out the other?" I ask, not really expecting an answer.
"Maybe," he says innocently, flashing an angelic smile. I roll my eyes with a grunt.
"But this is a peaceful country," Syaoran argues. "There aren't any signs of war going on." Fai nods.
"The country of Shura and the country of Yama were quite terrifying," he agrees. I shrug. They were difficult, no doubt about that, but I would hardly call the war terrifying. Dark and confusing and sad, yes. But I catch a flash in Fai's eyes, and suddenly I understand what he means. Syaoran and Sakura didn't live through that, but we did. The anxiety of not knowing where Mokona was, if he would be coming back, if we would ever be able to leave this new world… the petrifying knowledge of being lost and alone with nowhere to go. We shared it, far away from each other as we were. And that was terrifying.
"Syaoran, you've been drifting off a lot lately!" Mokona notices, jumping on the boy's head and snapping him awake from another daydream.
"Oh… really?" he asks, confusingly rubbing his head. Fai looks at him oddly.
"Mokona, can you get that box over there for me?" he asks, pointing to the other side of our workplace.
"Right-o!" Mokona croons, jumping along to a song he has just made up. When he is out of earshot, Fai looks at Syaoran.
"Are you still worried about the things that happened in Shara country?" he asks. Syaoran's head snaps up to attention, then drops down to look thoughtfully at his feet.
"Because we went to the country of Shura that represents the past, we ended up changing the country of Shara that represents the present," he says slowly. "Even though everything worked out in the end, the fact that we interfered with history will not change…"
"…the history of that place wasn't supposed to be rewritten, hmm?" Fai concludes seriously. Syaoran nods.
"From now on, we don't know if we'll go to a world's past days. If what happens in the country of Shura occurs again, what will the history of other worlds be changed into?" he worries. Fai pats the boy's head.
"Syaoran-kun, this is something that you cannot do anything about, no matter how worried you are. So why don't we stop thinking about it, and put it aside for now?" he says. Syaoran seems surprised. Fai continues, smiling to the distance: "No matter how hard you try, you only have two hands to achieve things. A pair of hands is incapable of rewriting history. It's very important to recognize those things that cannot be done." The mage pulls back. "So the thing that Syaoran-kun should be worried about right now is?" he asks, concluding his lecture. The boy smiles.
"Winning the race," he says, seeming reassured that his worries are not as important as he thought they were.
I look at Fai, and the mage looks back at me. No words are exchanged between us, but he knows he didn't say enough. He said the things two hands cannot achieve. He forgot to say what they can do. I look down to my own palms and close my hands into fists. This, I can do something about.
The rumble of a car engine reaches our ears. Fai turns around with a smile.
"They're back," he announces. I follow his gaze. It is not only our old car making its way to us; it's an entire convoy, complete with a huge vehicle that makes me think of a pink tank.
"Eh?" Syaoran exclaims. I rise, and a scream of hopelessness makes its way past my lips.
"What did you guys do to the car?" I ask, running to greet them. I stumble, but make it seem like I tripped on something. "Aah, my beautiful car…" I deplore, passing a hand on the chipped paint and deep dent on the vehicle's hood. Sakura turns red, but Kurogane doesn't seem sorry in the slightest. His gaze his locked sideways, onto the myriad of cars escorting the pink tank and from which a crowd of women in business suits and sunglasses are emerging and placing themselves in tight ranks. I eye them suspiciously.
"What's going on?" I ask slowly.
"Well…" Sakura stammers, "we were in an accident on the way back…"
"Of course. Seriously, next time anyone wants to go somewhere, I drive okay? If you can't even handle the drive to the market…"
"Hey, it wasn't my fault!" the ninja suddenly animates, pointing at the black-clad women. "These… these people ran into me from the side!"
"And they were so taken by your wonderful personality that they decided to follow you here? Now that seems likely," I reply with a smirk. The tip of his ears turn red, and I chuckle.
"It has nothing to do with that!" he defends himself. I shake my head hopelessly and take a look at the army assembling itself in front of our house. One of them steps forward stiffly, and bows her head to me.
"We apologize for your vehicle," she says formally, "and if we may, we would like to pay for the repairs."
"If you want to pay for a working car, it might be cheaper," I suggest. She nods.
"Well, well, so many guests!" Fai exclaims, coming up behind me. "Is there anything you would like? Drinks, maybe? Come one, Pinky-chan, let's go get our guests some drinks!" He grabs my elbow and pulls me back towards the house, not even waiting for the woman to answer. I see a smaller figure step out from the large pink tank and Syaoran clear the outdoor table before being dragged into the house.
"Wha… why?" I ask, finally shaking myself free of Fai's grasp. "We don't even know who these people are!"
"But they are friends of Kuro-muy and Sakura-chan, and therefore they are our guests," he says, opening cupboards and pulling our glass after glass. "Do you think they'll like lemonade?" I sigh.
"You really don't care who they are, do you," I say. He laughs.
"Well, it's not everyday so many women come rushing to my door," he admits. I grimace, irritated.
"I almost forgot about your annoying flirting habits," I say, filling a large carafe with water. Syaoran and Mokona come to help us. By the time we've filled enough lemonade glasses to feed an entire city, we find Sakura and Kurogane seated at the patio table with a young girl, about Sakura's age, and the women in black spread out around them in orderly ranks.
"Sorry for the wait!" Fai announces, balancing a heavy tray towards the nearest women. I follow, and Syaoran and I tackle the rest of the group. I'm very careful not to hand any drinks, and let the women serve themselves. They seem to like it better that way, anyways. Mokona's small tray goes straight to the table.
"Cutie Mokona is helping out too!" he says. The unknown girl claps in delight.
"Ah, that's great!" she says with a large smile. I send her a sideways glance. She has long dark hair that flows down to her waist, and is dressed in a pretty pink dress that matches the tank. It's obvious she is the one in charge of the whole escort. She seems nice, although I still don't know what she's doing here.
"Now that I think about it, to be able to create such a delicate mini robot…" she now says, studying Mokona. "Your country must be very advanced in technology!" Fai laughs, and I can't help a smile. In any way, not nearly so advanced as this one. And to think Mokona is a robot… at least you can shut off a robot.
"Our company certainly has to try to make something similar," the girl says, giving Mokona a handshake.
"Company?" Sakura asks. The girl smiles.
"Let me reintroduce myself," she says. "I am Tomoyo Daidouji, the president of Piffle Princess Corporation."
"President? That's the greatest person!" Mokona squeals, and Tomoyo takes him in her hands. President, huh? Well, that explains the bodyguards…
"Piffle Princess Corporation?" Syaoran asks slowly. "Isn't that the race's…"
"Yes," she says brightly. "Our company is the organizer of the race." She suddenly rises, bringing both hands to her heart in a most romantic manner. "This is the legendary Dragonfly race!" she exclaims passionately. "There are many great prizes! From the starting point to the moment when the chequered flag is waved, I want to record everything! And for that…!" She grabs Sakura's hand, pulling the princess to her feet and lifting an arm dramatically to the sky, "I need my female star to make her debut appearance in the race for me!" The bodyguards clap enthusiastically, as Tomoyo bows and we are too bewildered to react. I'm having trouble processing what she means by this. Suddenly, I remember something. I've heard the name Tomoyo before.
I look at Kurogane, then at Tomoyo, then at Kurogane again. I mouth her name as a question. THE Tomoyo? He shrugs, seeming confused as well. No one else seems to have noticed that she is the same as Kurogane's master.
"Oh! A demonstration, a demonstration!" Tomoyo announces, pushing Sakura towards the dragonflies. "I want to see my female star in all her grandeur and magnificence!" The princess barely reacts, still in shock. It's not before she's been brought to her dragonfly, a cute winged egg, that she seems to take pleasure in the whole thing. She snaps on her goggle determinedly. I lean towards Kurogane.
"Do you think this is a good idea?" I whisper. "She's never driven it before." He grunts, so I remain silent. With the push of a button, the engine roars to life. Sakura is soaring before you know it, the wind blowing through her hair. Syaoran smiles. I clap appreciatively.
The moment lasts about two seconds. The dragonfly coughs, puffs out a small cloud of smoke, and starts to slowly fall to the ground.
"Ah!" we hear Sakura yelp as she lands rather roughly. Syaoran's face now panicked, he runs to her.
"I hope Sakura-chan's alright," Fai chuckles awkwardly. Tomoyo looks pleased.
"She still looked cute, even when she fell!" she exclaims. I sigh, and look at Kurogane. Was she always that way? The ninja's face is now unreadable, but his gaze is still locked on Sakura's dragonfly. Guess now's not the time to bring it up.
"I told you so," is all I say.
XxX
I can see the muscles protruding under my skin. They don't hurt anymore, but that's mostly because I've stretched like a madwoman ever since we've left Shura to make sure they regained their flexibility. They're much more defined than they used to be, however, mostly because of the sheer amount of food I ate and exercise I performed in Shura. I know it'll only take a few days of inaction to fix that, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon.
I sigh. I need to keep moving at all times if I don't want the others to get suspicious. If my hands are busy, the others won't wonder why I don't touch them. I look at them now. My hands look so innocent, resting here on my lap, but I know what they can do. They can suck the life right out of someone. Without my conscious decision to do so. And I don't know if I'll be able to stop them next time.
I don't remember who it was, in my dream. I don't want to know the identity of the corpse, but I do remember that its sight was enough to terrify me. Someone I knew, with its blood on my hands. I'm determined not to let that dream happen.
The other reason I must keep busy is the pure white bandage stretching on my right thigh. The wound was deeper than I thought at first, and now it hurts at various intervals of time. I think the blade ripped through some muscle as well as skin. The others know I've been hurt, of course, but they all think it's healing well. To be honest, I don't think it's healing at all, although it has stopped bleeding. I don't really want to know how bad it is. But if I keep moving, if I pretend that everything is fine and show it to them by running around like I always do, they won't suspect it. I can walk without a limp now, and I try not to favour my right leg in anything I do.
My reflection in the mirror stares back at me with anxious eyes. I can pull this off, I know I can. I've pulled off worse, right? The answer is cold in my mind.
No.
I bite my lip, suddenly feeling very alone.
XxX
"I sense romance in the air…" Fai sings, peeking out the window to where Syaoran and Sakura are chatting. The boy's offered to help her with her driving, and is doing so with much enthusiasm. They've been working together all afternoon, and even now that the sun has set and their only light is the two projectors lit up in the yard, they still won't call it a day.
"Now that I think about it," the mage continues, plucking the bottle from Kurogane's hand, "Kuro-tan also looked happy this afternoon…"
"Huh?" the ninja grunts, snapped out of his reverie but refusing to let go of the bottle. Fai smiles knowingly.
"Is it because of Tomoyo-chan?" he asks. "She does look like the princess in your world, huh?" Kurogane has no reaction. Fai continues teasingly. "I think that even though you don't say anything about it, you must be paying special attention to anything related to Tomoyo-chan. How intriguing, Kuro-rin." The ninja perks up angrily, holding the bottle closer to his body as Fai keeps pulling it away. The fight intensifies, and with a sigh I hand my own bottle to Fai. It's been untouched, obviously. The mage eagerly reaches for it, nearly touching my hand, but I let it fall between my fingers. I now hold the bottle's neck between my index and my thumb, letting it dangle in front of Fai so he can safely take it from me. He eyes me curiously, but doesn't say a thing. Bringing the bottle to his lips, he continues:
"Except, that's not the real her, is it? She looks like her, but she's a different person. Did Japan's Tomoyo-hime look like her?" he asks, as though he didn't already know. Of course she looks like her, they're doubles. There's a tense silence in the room. I withdraw into my chair.
"You still haven't met that someone from your world, have you?" Kurogane finally asks bluntly, looking at Fai. The mage freezes. "The reason you must keep running away…" A tiny, sad smile touches Fai's lips.
"It's the same face," Kurogane continues. "However, it's not necessarily the same person." There's an uneasy pause. Fai's eyes have grown cold and distant, his face haunted. I want to tell Kurogane to stop talking like that, that he's hurting Fai and how can he not see it? But the mage speaks before I do.
"…I would know," he says in a breath. "If it's just the same face, or if it's the same person. I would know." Kurogane's gaze is sceptic, calculating his next move. I bury my chin between my knees. I don't like this, but I have to admit that I want to know as much as Kurogane does. But once again, Fai bests us.
"Just like you would know Tomoyo-hime," he concludes, back to his smiling, teasing self. We all look at each other. I know Kurogane wants to say something else, but I know he won't. He never does. It's hard to know when to stop when trying to coax something out of Fai, especially when talking about his past. And this mysterious person he's running away from… I want to know more about it, but I mostly just want to help Fai escape.
Suddenly, there's the loud sound of an engine just outside the dining room. We freeze, listening. Syaoran's voice reaches us, soon followed by Sakura's yelp. And then the world shakes.
"What the…?" I fall against the table, missing Fai by an inch and cutting off my air. The table itself flips over, sending both me and the mage plummeting to the ground. My right leg hits the hard floor before getting crushed by a wayward chair, and I have to disguise my hiss of pain as a curse. The others jump to their feet to go look outside and I follow them, but slowly. I really hope this isn't anything big, because my leg is in no shape for running right now…
"I'm so sorry!" Sakura greets us as we poke our heads through the door. Her dragonfly has crashed onto the side of the house, a mere two metres from the door. Syaoran is staring at the damage, stunned. Fortunately, Sakura doesn't seem hurt and the damage to the house is superficial. Further away, Mokona bounds around the scene to a joyful tune. I want to laugh and scream at the same time. Fai laughs.
"Sakura-chan really is quite energetic," he says. Kurogane slaps his own forehead.
"Can't she walk up the stairs like everybody else?" he grumbles, discouraged. I shake my head with a smile.
"Okay, you two," I tell the kids. "Time for bed, both of you. You worked enough for tonight."
"But… but…" Sakura tries to protest, eyeing her vehicle.
"We'll clean this up in the morning," I tell her. "Right now, I think we all need some rest." They kids nod politely, coming in like two perfectly trained pets. I want to laugh at their sad faces.
"It's nothing," I reassure them. "No harm done." Then I step on my leg and nearly scream. No one sees my grimace of pain.
"Up you go too!" Fai tells Mokona, who eagerly follows Syaoran and Sakura upstairs. I loose no time in placing the furniture where it belongs, then I pull myself a chair and sit in it with a sigh. Fai joins me, and Kurogane leans against a wall. We stay there in silence.
"You know," Fai says, looking curiously at me, "I've heard you talk about your mother and your siblings and friends before, but never of your father. How come?" I pause to think about my answer. I guess it doesn't harm if they know. Besides, I know why Fai is trying to change the conversation. Clumsy, but effective. Kurogane's attention is now on me.
"Well," I start, "who told you I had a father to begin with?" He cocks his head to the side.
"You don't?" he asks, now confused. I chuckle joylessly.
"The guy who got my mom knocked up at sixteen and left, he's not my father. I've never had one," I say. "Even the twin's dad, he didn't stay long." Did the same as my mom's high school boyfriend. Got her pregnant, got afraid and left her. No wonder she started drinking.
"So…" Fai's voice is soft, "you've never known him?" I shake my head.
"I never planned to," I say. "There was no point in finding a guy who didn't love me or my mom in the first place." She had to leave school because of that. Never had a decent job. You need school to do that, and she had a baby instead. She had me. I never heard her complain about this to me, not even when she was drunk, but I know the anger was there.
"She doesn't even have a picture of him," I continue, almost whispering. "But she always told me I looked like him." I didn't like that. I don't want to look like someone I hate. Not mentioning that it was probably harder for her too, seeing features that reminded her of the boy who left her for a college scholarship and a few drinks.
My mom used to be beautiful. Men took that away from her. Twice, she got caught by jerks who left her as soon as things got serious. They left her with three kids. No wonder she tried to beat us up when she was drunk. We ruined her life. I know. She told me as much.
"Well," Fai says, apparently at a loss for words. I look at him with cold eyes. You wanted me to divert everyone's attention, now you've got more than you've bargained for. Deal with it.
"Don't feel sorry for me," I warn. "I never missed him." The silence lasts longer than I expected. I finally turn to Kurogane. This is getting very awkward, and I know I'm the only one who can end it.
"I want to talk about Shura," I say. "Or, what was it called… Yama? Yeah. I want to talk about that." The ninja only looks down at his drink. I continue. "You've heard my side of the story, but I barely know what you did there. Half a year, that's a long time. What happened?" Silence.
"We fought," he finally says. "They didn't trust us at first, but we made ourselves known on the battlefield. The mage couldn't get himself understood at all, so I had to guess what he was thinking most of the time. Downright irritating." Fai chuckles, resting his chin in his hand. "He got pretty good at the bow, though. People didn't understand him, but they respected him. I… well, I just did my job the whole time." He shrugs. "Fighting and such. Yasha-ou was a good leader of men. I regret I never got to fight him."
"Did you know?" I ask. "About Yasha-ou… that he wasn't human?" My throat locks when I think of Ashura-ou, desperately holding the deceased man's sword to his chest.
Kurogane shakes his head and takes a gulp. Fai nods.
"I knew," he says. "The feather's energy was too much to ignore." He turns to Kurogane with a smile. "But as you so justly pointed out, I couldn't get anyone to listen to me. So it was all kept a big secret." He grins and cocks his head to the side. I frown at him.
"Don't," I say harshly. "It's not funny. Stop treating everything as a joke." They both look at me, stunned. My eyes fall to the ground. "Ashura-ou died because of him. A bunch of people died because no one knew he was dead, and no one stopped fighting. It's not funny." I bite my thumb nervously. I want to say something, something that's a little cruel, but that I'll say anyways. "You two saw to that." Kurogane frowns angrily.
"I didn't kill," he says harshly, drawing my gaze to him. "You know I can't kill. I didn't." Of course. Tomoyo-hime cursed him, so that he couldn't kill without loosing his strength. But there was a reason she cursed him in the first place. Because he's killed before.
"And you?" I ask Fai, but the mage's eyes avoid mine and he smiles shyly. He doesn't answer. Because for once, he doesn't want to lie. I look to the table.
"How could you have kept from killing," I ask Kurogane, "if you were still one of Yasha's most feared soldiers? You'd have to have done something to deserve that."
"You don't have to kill someone directly for them to die," he replies angrily, still staring at his drink. I look to him and he sees that I don't believe him, which makes him angrier.
"Listen, you," he says, now glaring at me, "if you bash a man's head against a rock, who's to say he won't die of that injury hours later? If you break a man's arm, what happens then if he can't defend himself from a blow because of his lifeless limb? If you cut a man, anywhere, without the proper care he'll bleed to death. And yet did you really kill him? Are you better than the one who sliced a man's throat?" I wince. All the actions he names, they are all things I have done, and he knows it. He must have been watching me more closely than I had thought during the battle. I'm mad at him for saying these things, yet I can't help but wonder… did all these things happen to the men I fought against? I did not kill, but…
How many people died because of me?
"I nearly killed a man," I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling. "Purposely. Twice." The ninja seems surprised, yet not overly stunned by my words. I sustain his gaze. "The first one was Fai-san, because I didn't know it was him and because he harmed one of my friends. But I couldn't kill him. I wasn't a monster." His eyebrows lift at the use of the past tense, but he doesn't speak. "The second time… he was trying to kill me. He was going to stab me, so I fought back and nearly killed him. I was about a second away from doing so," I shiver, "but I didn't. I could have. I wanted to, for a moment." My hands start trembling. "I would have killed him. I would have… so easily…" I don't want them to, but tears start pooling in my eyes and I wipe them away angrily. The truth is, I'm afraid of myself. Afraid of what I can do.
"Well," the ninja finally says, "I don't see where the problem is." I lift my face to look at him, taken aback.
"What?" I say. He shrugs.
"If he was trying to kill you, then I don't see the problem. It was him or you, right?" he says coolly. "There's no shame in killing a man to save your life. You don't have to get so worked up about it."
"Kuro-pii," Fai cuts in, "I hardly think you're helping." Surprisingly, the wizard has lost his careless smile. He seems almost… annoyed at Kurogane, as he looks from me to the ninja. The curious reversal of situations doesn't make me smile like it normally would have. Slowly, I rise from my chair.
"Oh," is all I say, softly. "I see." I leave the room without so much as a glance towards the others. I close the door behind me, but pause for a few seconds. I hear Kurogane's snort through the door.
"What the hell's the matter with her?"
"It's always hard, Kuro-rin," Fai replies with a sigh. "To find the dark side of yourself… it's never easy."
XxX
"Mom… mom, you're drunk." I try to pull the woman away from the stairs, where I know the twins are sleeping, but her hand comes up and slaps me in the face. Damn. She's wearing that ring again.
"How dare you?" she screams, turning to me now. "How dare you talk like this to your own mother?" I take a deep breath, trying to remember all the tips I've gathered over the years: don't get angry, keep a steady voice, don't let her know she's hurting you.
"Mom," I say again, calmly, "you're drunk. You don't know what you're doing. The twins are upstairs, don't wake them up, okay? Please, just sit on the couch. I'll get you some coffee."
"You don't have to yell, I'm right here!" she shrieks at the top of her lungs. Her eyes shine dangerously. "And I don't want that coffee of yours! I am not drunk, you little bitch, and even if I was it would be your fault! Why do you think I drink, huh? WHY?" I cringe away, showing my hands in a peace offering. In a corner, our kudans are staring at each other without a sound.
"Please, mom," I plead, knowing very well my back is against a wall. I can't run away. "Please, don't do this. You just need some coffee and some sleep." The hand comes up before I can dodge it. I fall back against the closet door, holding my cheek. There's blood trickling down from a cut on my lip. My mom points an accusating finger at me, the silver ring sitting atop it.
"Don't tell me what to do! I'm your mother, I deserve more respect than that!" She's shouting so loud I know at least one of the twins must be awake, listening to this. Whether it's Hisho or Hinata, I'll probably never know, but I hear the tiny thud of feet retreating from their bedroom door. I decide to end this.
"Mom, Hisho and Hinata are sleeping," I say steadily, but firmly. "You don't have to shout."
"I'll shout as much as I want, goddamnit! Why are you such an ungrateful daughter?" Her voice is hitting the high notes now. "Do you have any idea of what I did for you? And this is what you give me in return? Don't you have a heart? My own daughter!"
"Stop this," I order, standing up. "Don't blame this all on me. I'm not the one leaving the house to get wasted every night." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I shouldn't have spoken them. My mother's eyes shoot daggers at me as her hands fly in from everywhere, striking my face, my arms, my body. Our kudans are fighting now, hand against claw, feathers against scales; mine is clearly winning, but it doesn't matter. Her kudan is just distracting it so it can't help me.
"You little witch! Like you're so much better than me, huh? You're just like him, just like your goddamned father!" I try not to whimper as she backs me into a corner, her arms still flailing around her. If I let on that it hurts, it only gets worse.
"Die, won't you? You kids… because of you… You ruined my life!" Her scream is directed at the wall, but a good kick reminds me that she still knows I'm here. "Why the hell did I have you? Why?" she starts crying. "Your father… YOUR GODDAMNED FATHER! Why did he give you to me… why… why did I have to have you? You ruined everything… EVERYTHING! All of you! Why does the world hate me? What did I ever do…? It's all your fault! Don't you dare blame this on me. They're the ones who abandoned us. I hate them. I HATE THEM! Why does his blood have to run through your body, huh? Why do you have to be him? I HATE HIM!"
I roll into a ball, trying to protect myself from her blows, but she never stops. Long after she's passed out on the living room floor, her screams still echo in my mind. I finally let myself sob, with only the wall for support. My whole body hurts. No more sounds come from the twins' room. I'm alone with the silence and my tears.
I pass a hand through my mother's dark, curly hair. So much like Hinata's. Her face is peaceful now, save for a few tears still lingering on her cheeks. I brush them away gently.
"The problem," I say softly, my voice cracking, "is that I can't hate you."
