Hello. Today is a grave day. Today is the day that homestuck ends. I'm posting this in the name of Homestuck. It will always be in my heart, no matter what fadom I might meet next, nothing could ever compare to homestuck and how much it helped me and saved my life for the past seven years. Homestuck is love, it is life. And it will always be with me. Forever more, until the end of time.
Falling Dicks, Fist to the Dick, Fucking Dicks
CARA: BE KADE
KADE: FALL IN LOVE?
Fall in love? No way. You're too busy to think about anything like that. Especially not after you just got out of a relationship.
Wow. Lucky girl.
And then there's this douchebag.
Did you just call me a douchebag?
Hey. You call 'em like you see 'em.
Alright, lil shit. Move a little to the left.
Why?
Just do it.
Fine. You move a little to the left. And a bunch of smuppet dicks fall on top of you. Again. That motherfucker.
Ha! Serves you right kid.
GA: OMG, are you okay?
SG: You're laughing at me, aren't you?
GA: A little
SG: A lot.
GA: Yeah
SG: I've said it before and I'll say it again.
GA: The voice is being a douche again?
No, I'm not.
SG: Yes, he is.
GA: Well, ignore him then and go into your cousin's room
You get up carefully and begin to walk to the stairs but continue typing.
SG: Hard to ignore the voice in my head telling me I'm an idiot.
I'm just being honest.
GA: So you're mad at him for telling the truth?
Ha! Love this girl!
SG: Ugh. You two are like two peas in a hell pod.
Thanks, kiddo.
GA: Thank you very much
SG: Shush. Going to my cousin's room now.
You captchalouge the tablet. You can strangely feel it move throughout the cards until it lands as the root card, pushing the note out. God damn it. You tap the note with your foot, not wanting to touch it again. It goes back into a card under the second the tablet. You can tell that this modus will piss you off in the future.
You put a hand on your heart and concentrate on your cousin's room. You feel your body be lifted up from the ground; you drop back down afterwards. You hear a ding from your tablet. You take it out and the note drops again. You tap it and watch it go away.
GA: That
GA: Was so weird
SG: What do you mean?
GA: You
GA: Disappeared and appearing like that
SG: What was so weird about?
GA: You literally came apart!
GA: You came apart and turned into blue smoke then flew up the stairs sickeningly slow
SG: Huh.
SG: Is that what it really looks like?
GA: You didn't know?
SG: Nope.
SG: I've never actually seen or heard about it.
GA: You mean your cousin never helped you?
SG: I've never had the displeasure of him teaching me anything other than physical stuff.
SG: Have you ever read or seen D.N. Angel?
SG: Because it kinda looks like that. The family training the boy to fight and be flexible as if he's some circus act.
GA: Well at least he helped you with something.
SG: By throwing knives at me and telling me to doudge? Oh yeah, big help.
GA: Well, mister strider, that's the way the world works so you have to deal with it.
SG: Don't call me that.
GA: Aren't you suppose to be doing something?
SG: Aren'tYoue room. Though it was the same size of your room it looked smaller because of all of the clutter and junk on the floor. You always tell him to be neater but does he listen? No. Never. You decided to captchalouge the tablet and note again. Who knows what's going to happen in here.
Shelves are filled with different kind of electronics. You remember at one point, he worked at a toy store company. Must be where all of this is from. It does not matter. It's not what you're looking for. Now, if you were a pair of gloves in a hermit's room, where would you be?
Duck.
What?
Duck!
Something hard hits you in the back of the head. You tumble down onto the floor. You try to blink your eyes back into reality since all you could see was stars and not the one on your shirt. When your eyes finally come too, your glasses had a crack in the lens. Oh well. You didn't really need them to see anyway.
You hear a ding but you don't bother to check it.
She's gonna kill you.
You know this to be a fact but don't care. For now.
Yeah. For now.
You turn around to sit on your behind. You need to be careful. Cautious. You can't make a single mista-
Move left.
You jump to the left, narrowly avoiding something red aiming towards your face. Close one.
Check right.
You roll over. Something rubber hits the floor hard and bounces off the ground.
Up.
You jump up and throw your leg up; something red flies past it.
Watch your dick.
Your confused for a second. Why would you need to watch out for that?
Your question is answered when a deep pain hits you around your crotch. The pain echoes though out your body and you can fell your legs go numb. You drop on your knees, holding your crotch and groaning in pain. There is a ringing on your ears - or was that just your tablet? - and you think you can see a light behind your closed eyelids. God? Is that you? Please, take you away from this pain.
I'm so sorry kid.
God?
No, but I'm told that I have godly like figures.
Jeff. You are in so much pain right now.
I did warn you. But now I'm warning you to watch your ass.
Something hits you in the butt and pushes your face forward onto the dirty floor. Oh, come on!
Too late kid. Sorry.
You really hate your cousin's alarm system. You'd think he would have dismantled it but no. He wants to be an ass. You're even tempted to say the password.
There's a fucking password?!
Yes. A voice activated password. But it's not one you actually like.
Who cares? Stop this because this is a fight you know you can't win, kid.
No. You have honor and pride to think of.
Well, Zuko, swallow your pride and join the Aang Gang.
How do you...?
Dream-Hulu.
Of fucking course.
Say it.
Fine.
"Power Rangers Mega Force was the best Power Ranger series ever created and anything else pales in comparison."
You can hear laughing from the back of your head.
You also hear something rubber hit the floor. You turn around. You didn't get up or sit on your butt because you're still in pain in both areas so you settle for on your knees. You moves over to see what dropped. Two bright red, rubber boxer gloves . Perfect. You take out all mechanical appliances that made it fly and put them on your hands, adjusting the straps. All set. Now all you have to do is set them as your specibus. You can still hear laughing in your head.
You watch as the gloves slowly disappear. You somehow knew that they were in your specibus. And the laughing continues.
You pull your tablet out of it's card, the note falls onto your head. You'll get it later.
GA: Are you ok?
GA: Is your small dick ok?
GA: Is your flat butt ok?
SG: You wouldn't know if my butt was flat or not if you haven't been looking at it.
GA: Wha. . .?
GA: I wasn't staring at your butt!
GA: But in all seriousness, is your dick okay?
SG: STFU
Jeff?
The laughter in your head begins to die down into a chuckle.
Yeah, kid?
Fuck you.
Anytime Kid.
You feel a shudder run through your back.
Wanna move anytime soon or your dick still swollen?
You hate you life right now. You really do.
You and me both, Void Star.
Finally! Done! Just like. . .Homestuck. I'm so sad right now. T.T I'm just going to cry now. Witch of Blood, out. Forever.
