Hello everyone! So this chapter is quite longer than the previous one. Hadn't realised it had only two thousand words! (Once upon a time, I was mad with joy when one of my chapter had one thousand words. Guess I made some progress, \o/)
This chapter hasn't been corrected yet, I am still looking for a beta-reader, blah blah blah, the usual stuff... But it also contains minor smut scenes.
I don't know when I'll update again, but it shouldn't last. I just need time to write some more. Right now I'm experiencing the 'epic holiday inspiration'. Now that I don't have to spend my days at school or buried in school books, my inspiration rushes back and wow, I could fill a whole copybook. Don't let it stop yeeeet!
Anyway, thank you very much for the feedback you left last time! *hug*
4/25/12 : Many thanks to IHeartHouseCuddy for beta-reading this chapter!
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Once House had left to pick up Rachel, Cuddy put the pancakes away in the fridge, deciding she had eaten way too many. Of course, they were delicious, but it was not a great idea if she wanted to lose some weight. Even without whipped cream. Perhaps she would skip breakfast the morning after in order to avoid them.
She wandered across the house, desperately trying to focus on something other than the echograms. Her efforts were vain. The pictures seemed to call her from the coffee table in the living-room. She tried to resist but they were the first thing Rachel would see when she would come home from school. It would remind the kid of how much she missed her late little sister, and Cuddy would be forced to talk about it again. She had to put them away. After a few minutes wasted staring at the pile of vinyl records, Cuddy eventually took heart and drew closer to the table. She kept looking at the old records, as she put the sonograms back into their envelope. She did want to move on. She had very rarely wanted something that badly. If she did not cast one single glance at the pictures, then she would forget, and everything would be just fine, wouldn't it?
What would Mary think? Wherever she was watching her parents from, what would she think of her mother? That she did not love her anymore? That she already wanted to force her out of her memory only ten days after her death? That she believed she could forget her that easily?
Come on, it's stupid, Cuddy said to herself. She was not watching. Was she?
She dropped her gaze to the envelope. Perhaps she could not bid adieu. Not yet.
"I'm sorry," she breathed, pressing the slim package to her chest and gathering the records. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She slid the pictures in between two albums and put the pile on the shelf, along with House's collection.
Not letting go of Mary would mean grasping at straws; she would never come back. Cuddy knew that. Nonetheless, it was difficult to move on and forget. She could not explain why. She was biologically programmed to feel affection, love, for her daughter, even though she had never got to know her. Why couldn't she just let go?
She pursed her lips, keeping her tears at bay, with all the might she had. She had promised to remain strong. For Rachel. For House. For the sake of their sanity. She could do it.
Hearing the door opening, she painfully stretched her lips into a grin and walked to the hallway.
"Hi honey," she greeted cheerfully as Rachel ran into her arms. Her enthusiasm had nothing faked though, she genuinely was glad to see her daughter. "How was your day?" she asked, kneeling down to kiss Rachel on both cheeks.
"Miss Finch read a story," she said, struggling out of her pink coat. Cuddy gave her a hand. "I played 'Feed the monkey' too."
"That's great! What was the story about?"
"A girl made of snow 'cuz two elders were sad they had no kids. Momma can we make a snowman in the yard?"
"If it's snowing this weekend, sure," she agreed with a smile. "We'll do that. Do you want a snack? House made pancakes."
Rachel nodded and waddled to the kitchen.
"The sonograms are with your records," she then said to House. He acquiesced and pressed his lips on hers to drop a tender kiss. "Rachel needs you in the kitchen."
"On my way." He kissed her one more time and walked away. She turned around, catching a glimpse of him happily serving his own pancakes to his kid. Even though she loved drowning herself into her work, that was the kind of life she had always been dreaming of. However, there clearly was a void in the equation, left by Mary's death. In an instinct, she brought her hand to her empty belly, and felt nothing. No roundness, no kick. Nothing. Her hand cringed.
"Momma!" Rachel called out, shaking her mother out of her dark thoughts. Cuddy smiled slightly and joined her sitting at the table, focusing on her family rather than on the dead. She stuck with them until she had to cook dinner. House had read a few stories on the couch, Cuddy dozing off cuddled up around his right arm and Rachel listening to him settled on his left leg. She had bathed her daughter, with House sitting on a chair in the bathroom, just enjoying the moment with them. Even if it had lasted only a few hours, she could say she had not felt very sad during the evening. Dinner had been delicious. Rachel had not struggled much to go to sleep. Cuddy was now lying in her bed, the sheets pulled up to her chest, waiting for House to exit the bathroom. He joined her as she was beginning to snooze, his legs entangling to hers.
"Hey you," he whispered, before kissing her cheek.
"Hey yourself." He cuddled up by her side, his bare torso pressed to her flank. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, her cheek lying against his forehead. A few minutes of silence passed by.
"I want to try," Cuddy murmured all of a sudden. He propped himself on his elbow and looked her in the eye.
"Try what?"
"Well... You know what," she wavered. "I mean..." She sighed. "You see?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I think I do see, yeah." She avoided his glance, though her hand wandered across his collarbone and slipped to his chest.
"I miss you," she admitted. He kept peering at her, she could feel it, with a intensity that sent shivers down her spine. Eventually, she locked eyes with him. He bent over after a few seconds, dropped a kiss to the corner of her lips. She moaned quietly.
"I don't want to force you," he murmured. "If you don't feel like havin–"
"Please," she cut him off gently. "I need you, House."
He would not make the first step, so she craned her neck and pressed her mouth to his. Hesitantly, he parted his lips and slipped his tongue in between hers, discovering her mouth again. She trembled. His hand caressing softly her cheek confirmed to him that she was warm from blushing. She remained immobile, letting him embrace her tighter and deepen the kiss. He pulled away, although stayed close to her, his forehead against her own.
"You know I can't do this alone," he whispered, his breath blowing lightly on her lips.
"I know."
Cuddy closed her eyes as he gently lifted her arms, wrapped them around his neck. She clung to him, he flipped over so that he was lying on top of her, the covers sliding down to the small of his back.
"Just... Be gentle," she demanded in a sough. "Please."
"I promise I will," he assured, dropping a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Really, don't... you know, don't..."
He slipped a hand into her hair, pecked her forehead. "Don't worry Cuddy, just let go. You know you can trust me."
She nodded vaguely. Her hand caressed its way from his neck to his muscular arm. She was trying to familiarize herself with his body once more, disclosing carefully every part of it again. He kissed her as softly as he could, not rushing things in any way. He wanted her to enjoy their reunion as much as possible, without him hurting her sensitive body, nor him not taking the time that she needed. He drew the curve of her neck, from her nape to her shoulder, with his fingertips. She was barely responding to his kisses, only kissing him back with the tip of her lips. She would just let him. He insisted a bit, let go of her mouth and followed the same path as his fingers with light kisses. She moaned slightly. He tickled the strap of her nightgown, caught it between his teeth and led it down to her arm. One of his hands threaded its way underneath the silken fabric of her negligee, he felt her muscles cringe under his touch as he passed by her belly, then reached her breasts. A growl of uneasiness escaped her lips.
"No," she murmured. He kissed her cheek reassuringly, his palm joining her hip. Her face was turning crimson. She had never been so shy and timid in front of him.
"I won't do anything you don't want, I promise," he whispered warmly into her ear. "Try to relax."
"I'm trying."
His hands quit touching her and he pulled back a bit so she would not feel hemmed in. She took deep breaths, tried to calm down. Her uneasiness and anxiety did not go unnoticed. He knew they wouldn't manage it that night.
"Perhaps we should wait a few more days, so you can–"
"No," she cut him off. "I want it."
"Cuddy..."
"I know what I want," she argued. House sighed silently and gave up. Swooping down on her mouth, he kissed her once again, and he could tell she was making some efforts. So was he. He did not really feel like having sex with her at that moment, not when she was so unsure of herself. She might claim she wanted it, he remained sceptical.
He stroked her leg slowly, from her calf to her hip, in one smooth motion, settling himself between her thighs. He was still wearing pajamas pants, thus was and would remain harmless as he had promised he would not penetrate her, but her breath hitched, and she broke away from the kiss. She looked away, dissimulating half her face behind her hand.
"Go ahead," she demanded as he had stopped moving. Reluctantly, he obeyed. His fingertips wandered across her groin, reached her curls. She shivered. Her folds were dry as he touched them, causing her to panic.
"Stop!" Cuddy cried out, pushing him away. She curled up into a ball, turned her back to him and did not utter one single more word.
Seconds, perhaps minutes, went by.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered eventually. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's my fault," she pleaded in a low, weak voice. "Maybe I'm not ready yet."
"Maybe."
He lied down onto his back, brought the blanket up to their shoulders. Time seemed to tick by in silence agonizingly slowly. He tried to think of something to say, but nothing crossed his mind. How could he reassure and soothe her? He cleared his throat. No reaction from her.
"Maybe we should get to sleep," he said.
"Yeah." She hesitantly held out her arm to switch off the light. He did the same with his bedside lamp a few seconds later. Then they were plunged into darkness, and she did not make one single move towards him. He wondered if she would be all right with him holding her.
"Good night Cuddy," he tried.
She let a few seconds pass by before replying. "'Night House."
He did not dare move.
One weekend away. Away from the hospital, from Wilson, from her home. Just the two of them at his apartment. First day spent watching TV, playing video games, ordering food, snoozing, cuddling, lazying around.
Here comes Sunday. They linger in bed, are awake from time to time, kiss sloppily, drift back into a light slumber. They made a mess of the sheet, which is barely covering their frames at present, entangled between them. House brings it up to her shoulders, as he notices goose bumps freezing on her bare skin – it is late October after all. He uses it as an excuse to snuggle closer to her. She mumbles something incoherent and goes back to sleep.
Several minutes of laziness pass by. They eventually wake up for good, stretch out, yawn, stare at each other with blissful eyes, and afterwards at the clock.
"What time?" she asks, rubbing her eyes.
"'leven."
She takes a second to register the information properly, falls back onto the mattress. "Screw that. I'm not hungry."
He follows her move, lies flat onto his back. "Me neither."
"Actually I am hungry, just not hungry for food."
She giggles as he turns to her. "I should have guessed," he smirks. She pulls at his arm, he flips over to his flank and places a kiss to her lips. "You do know that it's not actually recommended, right?"
"Oh come on, House," she whines. "Just one last time. We're not gonna be able to have sex for months!"
He rolls his eyes. "I know, you're totally insatiable and you can't get enough of my body."
"Furthermore, you're not the kind to deflect sex with me, especially now that we're both naked in bed. Thus your argument is invalid," she explains. "You have absolutely no reason not to fuck me. Please?" she insists with a sultry pout, sliding her hand down his flat stomach and underneath the sheet. She wraps her fingers around his erected shaft and strokes it slowly once. "I know you want me, House. Oh, I want you too, so, so, so badly..." she whispers in his ear.
He gives up and kisses her. She moans with satisfaction into his mouth, draping her arms around his neck. She guides him so that he lies on top of her, on his knees so he won't crush her womb. A few seconds later, he growls with pain, and collapses on his back beside her. She frowns, breathless. "Did I do someth–"
"Haven't taken my Ibuprofen yet," he says, reaching out to grab the orange bottle sitting on his bedside table.
"Sorry," she mumbles. He shrugs.
"At least I haven't fallen onto you and Offspring. Guess my lying on top of you is too dangerous." He swallows three pills, lays back beside her. She immediately rubs herself against him, nibbles his earlobe. "Sixty-nine then?" he suggests.
"No no no no, forget it," she refuses, shaking her head. "I absolutely can't lie on my stomach. Nor get on my knees." One of her legs entangles with his, her arm spreads lazily across his chest following the curve of his collarbone.
"Oh well. So much for a doggy style," he sighs.
Cuddy rolls her eyes. "Why are you guys so fond of doggy style anyway?"
He turns to her and pecks her lips. "You're not?"
"Well it's a bit disrespectful towards women, don't you think?"
House rolls to his side, props himself onto his elbow. "And yet," he rasps, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her lips. "You're willing to let me take you from behind."
She purrs, responds with more ravenous kisses. "Because I love you, you ass." Her arms surround his broad shoulders, pulling him closer to her.
"To tell you the truth, it's not disrespectful at all." He punctuates his words with kisses, slipping to her neck. She throws her head back, giving him better access. "If only you knew how gorgeous you look with your ass up in the air." His teeth graze her skin. She gasps. "Just the sight of you on your knees makes me want to come and fuck you senseless." A moan escapes her lips. Her hands grip his scalp, keeping him close to her throat. "Come on, don't tell me you don't like doggy style." She bites on her lip. He moves to her breast, causing her to arch in order to meet his tongue. "Don't tell me you don't like giving up your power to me." All of a sudden, he grabs her wrists and pins them to the mattress above her head. She casts him one sultry, aroused stare, to which he can hardly resist. "Don't tell me you don't like when I'm so deep inside you." He pecks the corner of her lips, as his palm caresses her body from her arm to her crotch. Her free hand joins his arm, cupping the curve of his biceps. "Don't tell me you don't like when I grab your waist and pound into you because Cuddy, my dear..." He slips a finger inside of her all of a sudden. Her velvets walls immediately clench around it and her hips buck against his hand while she groans loudly. "You're soaking wet just talking about it."
She nibbles her lip with a smile. He would do so many things just to prove a point. "Fine," Cuddy admits. A victorious grin spreads across his lips, he frees her wrist and pulls his finger out of her. "Perhaps I might miss it just a tiny bit. Anyway, we're not doing it doggy style till I recover from my delivery."
"I can wait that long. I think." She chuckles. They share a smile. He leans over, kisses her mouth and gently licks her sweet lips. His hand slips in her raven curls, maintaining his balance with the other one. Her arms wrap tightly around his shoulders again. His fingertips quickly deviate to her arm, her breast, which he caresses in an infinite delicacy. He toys with her nipple, careful not to hurt her over-sensitive chest. Cuddy moans against his mouth, demanding more. His palm reaches her round belly, quickly slides to her pubis. She spreads her legs, almost hits his bad thigh by accident.
"Wait," he says, pulling away. "It's not working."
She growls with frustration. Getting on his knees, he carefully moves to the other side of the bed, sprawls onto his flank.
"What now, stud?" she teases. Glancing down at their legs, he realizes the problem isn't solved at all, in so far as she might as well kick his thigh with him lying to her other side.
"Damn," he lets out.
"My thoughts exactly."
"Well." He cups her cheek in his palm. "Now that we're here..." Cuddy smiles, he drops a tender kiss to her lips before letting his passion win over, and kissing her more fiercely. The familiar heat builds up in their stomachs again. "Can you lie on your side and turn over?" he breathes in her ear. She nods and does so with her back to him, stealing another kiss from his lips, her hand placed under her round belly. He strokes his length a few times before entering her, tearing a loud moan from her throat. At last, he is inside of her. He wraps his arm around her waist, his hand slipping to her wet sex, and buries his nose in her neck, intoxicating himself with her scent. They remain immobile for a moment, merely enjoying the symbiosis of their bodies. Kissing her nape, he starts flicking her erected bundle of nerves. She takes his hand gently in her own, guides him into the rhythm she wants. The growl she lets out prods him into thrusting into her once, as deep as he can. So wet, so hot, so tight... He pulls out of her almost entirely and slips back into her sheath, just as slowly as the previous time. She moans in pace with his pelvic stab.
And then her throaty noises turn into a disappointed groan. "Wait, stop." He pulls away reluctantly. "I can't see you," she pleads, craning her neck to look him in the eye.
"You want to do it in front of a mirror or something?"
She protests, "God, no! Just face me, will ya?"
"Why should I move? Why can't you just turn around?" She lasciviously licks her lip. "Goddamn it, woman," he mumbles under his breath as he, however, does as he is told. She giggles, knowing she has him wrapped around her finger. "You happy, now?" he asks as he faces her, lying on his flank as well.
"Not yet." She grabs his face roughly, crashes her lips against his with a craving she only has for him. "Take me, House." She feels him smirk as he kisses her again. He then lifts her leg and places it on his hip, slides down just a little so he can enter her without her belly preventing him from moving. And again, just a little more. And again. And again. He is face to face with her breasts and he can't even reach her lips to kiss her by stretching his neck. She bursts out laughing and collapses onto her back. He can't help but do the same, confronted with the ridicule of their situation.
"We're never gonna make it," he whimpers.
"Yes we are. Sit up!"
He does so, leaning his back against the headboard, grabs her hand as she holds it out to him, lets her straddle his legs. House cranes his neck to kiss her while she grinds her pelvis against his. Their impatience takes over, she slides down onto his cock, looking him in the eye, until her breasts rub against his face.
"Can't breathe!" he whines, although he seems quite satisfied with his suffocating between her boobs. He palms her flesh, licks it, kisses it. Slowly, she rocks her hips as much as she can, while her round stomach rubs against his own uncomfortably.
"Hold me," she demands, leaning backwards. He grabs her forearms, almost lets go of her as her inner walls, following her move, squeeze his shaft. She glares up at him, he holds her arms tighter. They take a deep breath once she is settled and begins to use her legs for leverage. She slowly works herself along his cock and, three moves of her hips later, she falls back on the bed.
He bursts out laughing, "The whale has just been washed ashore!"
"Shut up!" she yells, nonetheless laughing as well. "I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking!"
"If you were hurt, you wouldn't be laughing, you would be leaping down my throat!" House sinks down until he lies flat on his back, and pats her ass. She does not move, so he pulls at her arm and flips her over. She hides her face in her hands, giggling like crazy.
"That was just epic!" she laughs.
"We got too adventurous, I think." With a grin, Cuddy huddles against him. "Well I guess we should stop here."
"Yeah. That was ridiculous," she chuckles again. "Seriously, we tried everything."
At the sight of her laughing so carefree, he can't help but beam. He pulls her into a hug, kisses her tenderly. She nuzzles against his cheek after they broke apart, enjoying their closeness.
"You know, I think the laughter we just had released just as much endorphins as an orgasm would have."
She chuckles, pecks his cheek. "I'd say twice as much." He turns to her and his lips meet hers.
"It's not even noon," he whispers, quickly glancing at the clock. "'You hungry for food?"
She shakes her head slightly, pecks chastely the corner of his mouth. "Nope."
"Good." They share a smile, staring into each other's eyes. "I love you." He realizes afterwards that he actually uttered it. There are moments like that, when he feels incredibly grateful for all the happiness and love she gives him. Such words escape his mouth on impulse from time to time. He can't help it. It is the rawest and the most genuine declarations of his feelings for her.
Cuddy looks him in the eye, an enormous grin spreading across her lips. He does not wait for an answer, as her smile expresses what she is about to utter, and lets his head tilt sidewards, his forehead resting against her own.
TBC...
