Chapter Twenty-nine


~ The very first part of this chapter is a continuation of chapter 6. Everything afterward is in the present. ~

"Happy birthday Sawamura."

Pushing down on the head of the bottle with his hand, Eijun heard the clinking of the marble dropping down. Raising the bottle to his mouth, he took a sip. The ramune fizzed in his mouth, a sweet, warm taste, and he had to wonder how long Miyuki had had it in his pocket.

His head tilted back, Miyuki was still drinking from the can. Slowly, uncertainly, Eijun's eyes trailed down to the older boy's Adam's apple, bobbing with every swallow.

Miyuki abruptly lowered the can. "Oi, Sawamura." Eijun felt himself flush. Had Miyuki noticed? "Do you remember when you said I should make you my life?"

Taken aback, he blinked. Shifting his weight to his other foot, Eijun peered warily at Miyuki, who now seemed to be examining his can. "Yeah…what about it? Are you going to make fun of me for it again?"

"You said something corny like you'd pitch to me in your mind, and I could catch for you in my mind."

"Oh…yeah, well, I meant it," he said. His face warm, he took another sip of his ramune.

Miyuki's mouth curled back in a smile that was half-mocking, half something else. "What if I could really catch for you again? Wouldn't that be something?"

At that, Eijun paused. It didn't sound like the kind of joke Miyuki would normally make. Lowering his bottle, he tried to search the older boy's face – but at the same time, Miyuki shifted slightly away, his glasses shadowing his expression.

"What're you talking about?" Eijun finally asked. "Did something happen?"

There was a split moment of silence that had just begun to verge on the unnatural, when Miyuki turned back to him, his expression clear. "Nothing's happened. I'm just messing around."

Eijun looked down at his bottle, and shook it. The marble clattered against the glass. "…Are you sure?"

"Well, I did just come back from visiting Meiji Shrine. Think some god out there was listening?"

He quickly looked up – but Miyuki was smirking now. He hesitated. And then not knowing what to say but uncomfortable not doing something, he took another sip.

It had taken Eijun some time—longer than he would like to admit—to be able to notice when Miyuki was hiding something. He probably still missed it sometimes. However, whereas he had been completely blind to it before, he thought he could catch fleeting glimpses of it now, like shadows cast by falling snow on black roads.

Of course, seeing something and knowing what to say or do about it were two completely different things.

Miyuki finished off his drink, and squashed the can in his hand. "I'll be going now."

"Already?" Eijun frowned. "You just got here."

"Hm? What's this, did you miss me?" Miyuki said, with a teasing look. "I came here to talk to Rei-chan, though."

"But...you said you came here because of my birthday."

"And now that that's over, I'm done here."

"Oh." Eijun lowered his eyes. He didn't know what else to say to that. "...Alright then."

There was a short pause. "Alright, then. Seeya, Sawamura." Miyuki's feet started to turn, to walk away.

Despite the warm breeze, despite the warmth of the ramune in his hand, Eijun felt cold. Something in his chest ached. Thoughts were running through his head in a jumble. After not having seen Miyuki in a while, and after having looked forward to seeing him again for so long, he didn't want to say goodbye like this, not already – but his tongue felt heavy and leaden, and his mouth dry, as though filled with sand.

Taking a step forward, he blurted out instead, "You'll come to our games this summer, right?"

That hadn't been what he'd wanted to say at all, but it was the only thing that had come out of his mouth.

At that, Miyuki stopped. He turned around. He looked back at Eijun, and for a second, he thought he could see something in the other boy's face –

Then, he laughed, the fine, sharp angles of his face drawing back. "Hahaha! Maybe I will, if you ask nicely."

"I am asking nicely," Eijun managed to let out.

With only a snicker, Miyuki raised his hand in a wave. And then before he knew it—before Eijun realized that he hadn't even said goodbye—he was gone.


He could feel himself drifting in and out of consciousness.

On one side, it was bright. As bright as the sun. He could sense people moving, talking. At first mostly unfamiliar voices, and then later, some more familiar voices. Chris, Kuramochi, Masuko, and then his family. His parents. His grandpa. It was warm. Blinding.

The other side in comparison, was shadowy and dark. Foggy and cold and confusing. Scary, even. But just as he was about to step towards the bright side, he thought he saw something flicker in the shadows – and stopped. And turned around.

He waded through the foggy space, calling out. Time passed, and even as he began to shiver from the cold, he didn't stop calling out, waiting—needing—to hear an answer back. He could hear voices calling out his name from the warm side, as tempting as sirens, but he didn't stop.

There was no logical reason for him to be in the dark. The warm, sunny side was waiting. He would be surrounded by people he loved there. He knew this. So why was he out here in the cold, shouting his throat raw for someone who didn't reply? Who was he looking for?

Sometimes, he wished he had never seen the flicker in the shadows. If he had never seen it, he wouldn't have been here in this darkness. He wouldn't have known what it felt like for his chest to ache like this. He wouldn't have felt so alone.

Gradually, however, despite his stubborn clinging, the darkness was dissipating. There was an unknowable force—a hand?—forcibly pulling him out of what he now realized had been a hole. He craned his head back to see that the circular light of the opening was drawing every closer, and though he struggled and grasped to hold onto the shadows, they slipped out of his hands, like particles of sand.

Eijun opened his eyes.

Searing, painful circles of lights filled his vision.

"Sawamura-kun?" said an unfamiliar voice. It was coming from a pink blob floating above him. Eijun blinked again, and the blob began to sharpen into a face. "Sawamura-kun, if you can understand me, can you blink again?" Eijun blinked in response.

His surroundings were coming into better focus. He was looking up at a ceiling. The dazzling light was coming from somewhere there. It hurt his eyes. Dazed, he turned his head to the side and saw that he was lying in a bed. A hospital bed. And the person talking to him was…a nurse?

Eijun stiffened. Immediately, he forced himself up – and then winced, as the room began to spin around him.

Where was he? Why was he here?

And most importantly – what year is it?

"Sawamura-kun, how are you feeling?" asked the nurse.

"I'm-I'm fine," he said. "Just confused."

"That's perfectly understandable given what you've been through," said the nurse kindly. "Your parents should be back soon to fill you in. For now, could you hold out your arm?" Blinking, Eijun complied. As he did so, he opened his mouth to ask for the date – but then clammed up. He was too scared to ask.

With the sound of ripping velcro, the nurse wrapped a cuff around his arm. Eijun looked down at it. Was it just him, or did it look a bit thin – rather as it had in his first year? Or was he just seeing what he wanted to see?

No, he didn't want to think about it. His head felt like it was splitting into two and everything was spinning, but it was easier this way. He wondered – if he closed his eyes again, would this bright, blinding world disappear too?

The door opened, and instinctively moving at the sound, Eijun turned his head.

Slowly, the hazy figure standing at the entrance grew into focus.

Eijun couldn't speak. He couldn't look away. His eyes felt hot. His chest throbbed.

"Finally decided to wake up, Sawamura?"

He'd forgotten again. The person he'd been searching for hadn't been in the darkness. He'd been here, all along.


Kazuya froze. The drinks he held tucked under his arm felt cold, the moisture seeping through his shirt to his skin.

Why is Sawamura crying?!

He couldn't even look away as he had done the last time, that long-ago sunny day of the opening ceremony (had it really been less than a month ago?)

"Uh... How're you feeling?" he said, still hovering uncertainly by the doorway.

To his alarm, Sawamura started crying even harder at that, tears sliding silently down his face as his nose began to run.

"Oh dear," said the nurse. "He's probably overwhelmed, the poor thing." She placed a comforting hand on Sawamura's shoulder, before picking up a clipboard at the end of the bed. "Well, your vitals seem just fine, so I'll leave you two here while I tell Dr. Ichimura the good news."

Bustling past Kazuya, she left the room. The door closed shut, in a final sort of way.

He hesitated, and then looked down at the ground, before looking back up at Sawamura. He took another step closer to the bed – and then another. His upper lip trembling, Sawamura sniffled.

Kazuya stopped. "Oi, Sawamura, why're you crying?"

"Because," Sawamura answered in a thick voice.

He felt himself sweat. "...Because why?"

Sawamura sniffled again, and then, with a watery eye still fixed on Kazuya, he raised his arm's sleeve to wipe his face. "Because I'm happy to see you."

Without answering at first, Kazuya reached the bed, and sat down in the chair. He put the drinks down on the bed. Then he asked, "Why?"

"Why what?"

He raised a hand, rubbing the back of his neck. "Aren't you just glad to see a familiar face?"

"No...I was scared," Sawamura said, looking straight at him. (Sniffle.) "I thought I'd never see you again."

Kazuya paused. And then raising a hand as though to scratch his face, he glanced at the bedside table. The tray Sawamura's mother had been using to serve apples with was still there, though it was now empty. "Well, you're the one who got smacked in the face, not me. Though you got lucky. The ball bounced off your glove. Do you remember?"

Sawamura raised a tentative hand to his bandaged face. "Not really. I just remember that we were…we were…" His eyes widened. "The game! Against Yakushi!"

"Yeah."

Wringing his hands, Sawamura asked in a weak voice, "How'd…how'd the game go?"

Kazuya hesitantly looked down at the ground. "Sawamura…" He heard an audible intake of breath, and while it was taking all of his willpower to do so, he held back a grin. "It's not your fault. Nobody blames you."

It was quiet. After a few seconds, he discretely peered up – and was taken aback to see fresh new tears forming in the younger boy's eyes.

Oh, damn.

"I'm just kidding, Sawamura," he said, hastily backtracking. He instinctively reached out with a hand, and then lowered it, unsure of where to place it. "We won, 7-4. We're in the semifinals. Our next opponent is Sakurazawa." Tears were still pouring down Sawamura's face. Helplessly, Kazuya added, "Oi, I told you, I was just kidding. Nori and Tanba-san were able to hold Yakushi down. It was…fine…"

He trailed off as slowly, but surely, Sawamura's mouth curved up in a sly, knowing smile.

"Of course they did," said the younger boy, wiping his eyes again with his sleeve. "I knew you were just messing around with me."

Taken aback, Kazuya opened his mouth, and then closed it. Did I just get played? He hesitated. And then, embarrassed, he prodded at the drinks he'd brought at the end of the bed. "…Are you thirsty? I brought us some drinks."

Thankfully, Sawamura looked interested. "What'd you get?"

"I wasn't sure what you'd like. So I just got you some orange juice."

"Orange juice, huh?" With another sniffle, Sawamura held out an expectant hand. Kazuya reached for the bottle and opened the cap, before giving it over. Sawamura tilted his head slightly back, and took a drink. When he lowered the bottle, he was wearing an oddly pensive look on his face. "Wait…If the score was 7-4, that must mean Yakushi scored…three more times after I got hit?"

Kazuya drew back with a wry look. "It was close. Everyone was pretty worried about you, you know. Nobody was performing well, and Yakushi almost made a comeback with Todoroki."

Sawamura nodded, his smile fading. "I'm sorry about that. For making everyone worry about me."

"It's not your fault," said Kazuya.

Without answering, Sawamura took another sip of the juice. "So...you guys must've scored again, if it ended at 7-4. Was it off of Sanada, or did they switch pitchers?"

"Sanada, bottom of the eighth. He was running out of gas by that point."

"Yeah, his stamina wasn't all that great back then," said the pitcher, with a far-off look.

Back then? But before Kazuya could comment, Sawamura's gaze refocused. He grinned. "If everyone was worried, that must mean you were too, huh? Did you strike out swinging on my account, Miyuki-senpai?"

Hesitantly, Kazuya crossed his arms, leaning further back against the back of his chair. "Of course not. I was focused on the game and thinking about how to win. I was the one who got Tetsu-san home."

He'd expected Sawamura's face to harden at that but to his surprise, he snorted. "That sounds like you."

Uncertain, Kazuya paused. "...You don't mind?"

"Of course I do!" said Sawamura, with a wave of his hand. "But I'd rather we won than lose. And you're here now, right?" At that, he began to look around curiously, as if expecting the rest of the team to start popping out from behind the curtains. "Where is everyone else anyways?"

Kazuya tried to clear his throat. "The semifinals are tomorrow. They're all at practice."

"Oh, right," said Sawamura. He began to shift around in his bed, adjusting his pillows. "Why're you here then?"

As lightly as he could, he said, "I wanted to see you."

Midway through picking up a pillow, Sawamura froze for a single, still moment. And then he twisted around, his entire face already starting to flush pink. His eyes disbelievingly searched Kazuya's face, and he must have found something there for he raised a closed hand to his mouth – and suddenly, he began to laugh, in an embarrassed, but pleased sort of way.

At the sound, something caught in Kazuya's throat.

His usual teasing words and quick reversals were at the tip of his tongue. He'd been planning on taking it back with a sly smile, as payback for the trick Sawamura had pulled on him. And yet for some reason, he couldn't say anything.

Sawamura was not by any means a pretty crier, but Kazuya could only stare. At the way his red, puffy eyes closed and disappeared into folds when he laughed. At the way his already big mouth grew even wider.

How did Sawamura do it? He was rash, wearing his emotions on his sleeve. He swung from tears to laughter in a flash, and changed from a bouncing ball of energy into a pit of despair in the span of a moment. He was the most difficult kind of pitcher to lead. The most unpredictable, the most challenging.

Kazuya couldn't have looked away even if he'd wanted to. And he didn't want to, he realized.

All of a sudden, the laughter came to an abrupt stop. Still red-faced, Sawamura peered suspiciously back at him. "What're you staring at me for?"

"You're kind of amazing, Sawamura," he said.

"Huh?"

"You were a crying mess just five minutes ago, and now you're laughing." Kazuya shook his head. "How do you do it?"

Sawamura looked confused. "Huh? What kind of question is that?" He folded his arms across his chest, cocking his head to the side. "I mean, I wanted to cry five minutes ago, and just now you made me laugh. It's pretty simple."

A typical answer for Sawamura. He cried when he wanted to cry, and laughed when he wanted to laugh… It was as simple as that. Maybe it had always been that simple.

"You've got juice dribbling down your chin," Kazuya finally said, pointing it out with a finger.

Sawamura raised a shoulder to wipe his face. "Is it gone now?"

"No, you still have some over there."

"Here?"

"No, more to the right."

"Here?"

Kazuya sighed, and beckoned with his finger. "C'mere."

Obediently, Sawamura leaned forward. Reaching down to grab his sleeve, Kazuya raised it to Sawamura's face – and then suddenly, he realized how close they were.

It wasn't the first time they'd been this close. They'd held each other before, after all, after the game against Akikawa. But this time, it felt different. He could feel the other boy's warmth radiating off his skin. And Sawamura looked straight back, his eyes slightly widened, as if he himself was marveling at their proximity. For a moment, they were still. Frozen.

And then Sawamura visibly swallowed, the Adam's apple of his neck bobbing.

At that, something in his stomach twisted. A heated spark shooting down his spine, Kazuya pushed forward –

When suddenly, the door burst open with a cry of "Ei-chan!"

His face hot, Kazuya immediately pulled back, noticing from the corner of his eye that Sawamura—who must have leaned even further in at some unknowable point—did the same.

In a ruckus of excited sounds, a group of boys and a girl rushed toward the bed. Meanwhile, his heart beating fiercely, Kazuya's hand shot out to grab the tray on the bedside table, and holding it before him like a shield, he rose to his feet.

"Ei-chan, you're awake!" One of the boys, who Kazuya thought he could vaguely remember having seen before, looked close to tears.

The only girl there, with chin-length brown hair, sat down on the bed, worry intermingling with relief on her face. "Eijun, you're okay, right?"

"Wakana?" Sawamura gaped, gawking around. "Nobu? Akio? What're you guys doing here?"

"Of course we're here," his friend said with a grin, wiping his running nose with his sleeve. "You'd be here if we were the ones who got hurt."

Sawamura's family was gathered at the door. The father was smiling, with his arm around his wife, who was wiping at her eyes. The grandfather was also smiling, with tears running unashamedly down his lined face.

He must've gotten it from these people, Kazuya thought to himself. Then, moving out of the way as Sawamura's hometown friends crowded around the bed, he made a beeline for the door.

"Miyuki-senpai!" He heard Sawamura call out. "Where're you going?"

Kazuya paused, something like a thrill running through his chest, and he raised his free hand in a small wave. "I'll be back, don't worry."

Rei was just outside the room, talking with a smile to someone—the coach, probably—on her cellphone.

"Oh, Miyuki-kun," she said, lowering the phone and covering the speaker with her hand. "Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom," he said, stepping past her.

Raising an eyebrow, Rei gestured at the tray he was still holding in front of his lower body. "With that?"

"This?" Kazuya looked down at the tray. "I'm going to...wash it."

Picking up his pace, he headed down the hospital corridor. He could feel Rei's gaze boring into his back, but he didn't care. His face, his whole body felt hot. He needed to cool down.

People were staring as he searched for the nearest bathroom. Other patients, visitors, a passing nurse. He thought he even saw the tired-looking doctor he'd seen earlier on the elevator, giving him an odd look. He must've made a funny sight: a high school boy shuffling by, perhaps slightly pink of face and holding a floral-patterned tray against his crotch.

At the thought, Kazuya couldn't help but laugh.


A/N: Lol all the hospital fluff

Thanks for the reviews/kudos/comments, as always!

Additionally, it has come to my attention that some of you are understandably confused about the timeline and the various flashbacks I've been throwing around.

Here is the master timeline of chapters with flashbacks/omakes so far

Chapter 15: Miyuki's childhood
Chapter 16: Miyuki's injury (taking place over about a year and a half), encompassing the follow sub-chapters -
~Chapter 14 omake: Okumura's chapter (Eijun's second year, Miyuki's third year)
~Chapter 13 omake: At the end of Miyuki's third year and Eijun's second year, they visit Meiji Shrine for New Year's (where they encounter Narumiya)
~Chapter 22 flashback: Eijun returns home to Nagano after the visit to Meiji Shrine with Miyuki
~Chapter 14 flashback: After returning to school from New Year's break, Eijun hears news that his grandpa has died
~Chapter 10 omake: Aramaki's chapter (new first years arrive on campus in Eijun's third year)
Chapter 28 flashback: Miyuki returns to Tokyo, visits Meiji Shrine
Chapter 6: Eijun's birthday chapter
Chapter 29 flashback: Continuation of Eijun's birthday chapter
Chapter 25 flashback: Seidō's victory over Yakushi in Eijun's third year
Chapter 1: Seidō's victory over Inashiro, Miyuki's death