Chapter 29

This is...perfect, he thought bitterly, banging the porcelain mask against his forehead with both hands. Just perfect.

What little grim grace he'd been able to manage to scrape back together after a long, horrible night was just about spent. Tsunade's pre-dawn healing had been taxing, but until now he had been relieved that it left him with the ability to pull his thoughts together and speak, albeit disconcerting without the expected pain and irritation from the motions of the muscles in his face.

Now, sitting across from him with a haunted look in his lone eye, here was the living representation of his disgraceful lack of command in his personal life, just plowing in out of context. This man had run roughshod through him time and again, and Iruka had never done a meaningful thing to handle the ridiculous amount of drama it created. In fact, everything he'd ever done had just added to it. And in truth, he'd come to realize that he let things stay messy on purpose, because an adversarial relationship with Kakashi was far more tolerable than the complete loss of contact with someone who had been so central to his life for so long.

He only came to understand that when Kakashi stopped seeing and talking to him altogether. It added to the pain of his disfigurement a hundredfold. Now, still paused in that horrible place in time, this offer was both food for a starving soul and a complete admission of utter helplessness if he took it. His ravaged heart was not quite hardened over, and the complexity of this sudden twist, running in total opposite of the flow of his returning memories, fiercely wrenched his head and heart.

"It's Tsunade's idea, not mine, but it's a damned good one. You should be able to agree to this. We've been through a ton of shit together already, haven't we? But I want to make sure that you do understand what this means, and that you freely agree to let me participate. If you're dead set against it, I'll ask to back out until you're ready. I'm not looking to do any more damage to our relationship."

"You can't honestly be asking me to think about something like our relationship right now. This isn't personal. It sure as hell isn't private. And I don't...we haven't spoken in so long, I don't even know if we have a relationship, do I? I don't even know what I am right now."

"You're not a what, you're Umino Iruka, and you always have been, through all of this. A person is more than their profession. Genin, Chunin, Instructor, Jounin, Root...even if you became a civilian...deep inside, your soul, your personality, the things that make you a unique human – they didn't grow from some seed marked "shinobi" did they? You know this lesson. You taught this, I know you understand it. It's not always within your power to be what you choose to be all of the time. You have to be able to adapt to your assignments, and you have, many times. But the one constant I'm sure of is the private, personal you."

"Seriously? I don't need some Academy mental health lecture, and I certainly don't need it from you! My private, personal thoughts aren't where my mind needs to be right now. I have to be professional, and use everything I've got to try and get a handle on this. I can't be questioning my own anchors. Do you know how hard this is? Sometimes I truly cannot even work my own head; not enough to put together a thought, or even generate a purposeful noise!"

"Then I guess I'm not understanding – if that's your situation, how do you expect to do this on your own?"

"I'm not on my own at all! It's standing room only in here when they're mucking around. They barge in and take control, and so far my part is to try and stay in one piece and let them; which sounds easy, but it's certainly not!"

"They'll expect even more now. They'll be digging in deeper. Letting go to that extent could lead to falling apart."

"So what is your point? I have to cooperate; I don't think that would change just because you're there."

"Let me help you. I can support you, strengthen you; I'll take some of the brunt if they move too fast or get too rough. Together, we'd be better than twice as strong. Ten times, at least."

Iruka shook his head, fretting in the mask, still confused that it didn't hurt to talk, and that he felt like talking at all. He tried to shut himself up and things would just rush out of his mouth. Although, he seemed to remember that before his injury, he always had a tendency to talk far too much when he was around the copy-nin.

And that sort of talking never really gave him a good result.

"I just don't know how I would be able to do that."

"You say yes, that's all it takes. I'll handle the rest. Because my skills are exactly what you'll need to get through this."

Iruka twisted his fingers together, frowning in concentration.

"Let you in. Just drop all my defenses. Give up all control, what little I have left. Bare everything to you, too. Just like that. Right in the middle of being diced up like some dead lab rat, just throw caution to the wind. Like it's no big deal."

"I know it's a big deal. It's huge. It's the biggest leap of faith anyone could ever ask you to make. But I wouldn't push it if it wasn't important. And you're not exposing anything new because we've already done this before, not all that long ago. You don't remember but I've seen it already, Iruka, just about all of it. And I bet in there, somewhere, you sense it, too, don't you? Because you've seen how I feel about everything. About you."

"Gah." Iruka grunted in frustration, grabbing his head, rocking forward. All that time, miserably alone and starving for company, doomed to be frighteningly hideous and aching for the tiniest sign of acceptance – it made Kakashi's proposition almost incomprehensible. "I can't remember anything like that. You've been ignoring me, avoiding me...you just totally fucking abandoned our friendship, and now you show up acting like I mean something to you."

"I had no idea it felt that way from you point of view, or I never would have walked away. Okay? You kept telling me to get out of your life. After your injury, I thought I owed it to you to do as you asked."

"That's...you're right, yes, I can't count how many time I told you that, but...couldn't you see how things have changed for me? No one has anything to do with me! For months now, I've had nothing left! How could you pick a time like that to stop talking to me?"

"My timing was lousy, all around, I get it. I'm sorry. But understand my intent. Never was it to hurt you in any way. Look, there's been a hell of a lot of water under the bridge since the time you're remembering now. You knew you could trust me, later. You must know that, or at least have some sense of it on a gut level."

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do. Some where in there, some part of you does. Do this thing, Iruka. Take the chance. Drop all of your defenses against me. Let me in completely. And I'll drop mine. If we do it together, while I'm inside, there's no way we can lose. We're like two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together. We can make that connection if we commit to it, and we can keep that bond as long as it takes to see this through."

"Anyone...anyone who knows our history would think I'm insane to even consider it. After everything you've done. Seems like you would be the last person I would give up to. What...what could she be thinking, bringing you in like this?"

"Who cares about what anyone else thinks? They're on the outside. You're the only one who has any clue what goes on in here." Kakashi thumped his chest before bringing his finger up to forehead. "And here. And that's okay with me now. Understand? I never wanted anyone to truly see how I felt, inside. But then we shared our consciousness, and it wasn't anything like I expected. You fit. I trust you. That's unbelievable to me, but there it is. So meet me halfway. You know I'm telling you the truth, somewhere in that head of yours. You know, because you saw it yourself."

"But you said that you didn't see all of me. How can you be so sure? For you, maybe...I mean, I'm sure, if what you say is true, I'm sure it must feel great. To expose yourself completely and come away better off in someone else's eyes – what a relief that would be. But not now. Not in the middle of such a serious inquest."

"I'm saying that you'll find it easier to trust me once we get started. Once we could see each other's motivations, our fears...we saw each other in a different light. We didn't sit in judgment anymore. You saw that you were misled; that there isn't a randomly mean or vicious side of my nature when it comes to you. You saw the truth. And I saw that I was wrong about you, too."

"I used to be so sure that I was closer to you than anybody. Now you're telling me I didn't really know you? So we're closer now but I just don't remember it?"

"That's...also misleading. It's not that simple. What is simple, is that, bottom line, you can trust me with your life. And you know it, in your heart, you know now that dropping your defenses in front of me won't make you more vulnerable. It will give me a chance to shield you, to get close enough that nothing and no one can get in between us to harm you."

"I should be able to take care of myself. I shouldn't need that much help."

"Teams aren't formed out of weakness or failure. They're made to be something better than the sum of their parts."

"A team."

"Yes! Exactly. A two-man formation. I know this has to make sense to you. Look, I'd be content to wait for you to come around to this realization on your own, because I'm 99% sure that you will eventually, but you're running out of time. Do you understand what they're planning to do to you next?"

"More or less. They gave me an explanation. I'm not sure I get exactly what they're saying."

"Your suppressed side is only manageable when you have control. If they shift the chakra block artificially to let him take over, he'll do everything in his power to make sure that you never take the reins again. I'm the only one who can intervene in time to stop this."

"But they're sure it's the only way to find out what happened while I was in Root. I want to know, too. I can't believe I managed to rise in the ranks so highly. If I had those successes, and I'll never come close again, then those memories are important. Aren't they? Without them, what was I then, just another oddball masked jounin?"

"Their plan is a total crap shoot, Iruka. Danzou's curse marks and seal and traps...I know they told you how this goes. If they go about this the wrong way, the consequences are serious. And your alter-ego Even – I wouldn't put it past him to trip the fail-safe on purpose once his free will is returned. He's completely loyal to Danzou. You haven't dealt with him straight up. He has no issue with a 'death on failure' mission. He lives to serve one man."

"Sometimes...I think...it would be better if I just let him take over. Whoever he is, he's got all the strength and the talent. Seems like he's the total opposite of someone who'd let himself get washed out as an Academy instructor. And they say he doesn't have any of this pathetic emotional baggage. Shit. I cried in front of them, Kakashi. Pissed myself several times. Did you know that? It's beyond mortifying. Why would they want to keep me, and do away with him? Where is there a place for someone as weak as I am?"

"Tsunade, Moreno...they're responsible for how this is going down. Not to mention Danzou. Okay? They put you in this situation, and they're breaking you down now on purpose, that's why you have those physical and emotional reactions. They're not going to hold any of this against you. Guaranteed, they're more uncomfortable knowing they've put you through this than you realize. Once this is over, you'll be strong again. This other person in your head is just your mind's survival tactic, hanging on to Danzou's brainwashing for strength to deal with the division of your chakra. Once we remove the temporary barrier that's giving him form, we just need to keep you strong until he accepts his fate and his resources get assimilated. Then all those strengths and talents will be yours again. And nobody will want to bury this mess as much as the people who caused it in the first place."

"So, bottom line, I'm just supposed to trust you, and everything you're saying, and accept that this is on the up-and-up. And trust Ibiki, too; that oughta be an easy one, right? And Lady Tsunade? All my traditionally trustworthy, benevolent superiors, who would never, ever think of doing anything that would put me at risk without my knowledge," he said with a bitter edge, waving a hand at the mask that represented the betrayal he still felt sharply. Ordered to trust. He wished he could see Jeninki's expression if he heard this proposition, that he might hear his heartfelt rant in support of freedom and questioning authority. In his madness, he made more sense than most, at least about some things.

"Trust or not, the next session is coming. Were I you, I would not want to face this alone if there was someone I could rely on to have my back."

"Funny. Short of Naruto, I couldn't name a single candidate for that position two hours ago. So I guess that's that. The powers that be did decide to send for you, after all. I might as well agree. No need for you to feel guilty about doing your job."

Iruka was no longer focusing on anything in the room. He was in a corner and time was growing short. He had to find a way to prepare himself mentally for yet another form of invasion. One last time, he shamefully embraced his secret feelings of grief and loss over Jeninki's betrayal. Kakashi was coming in, and none of his private thoughts would be private anymore.

There was no other option left. The Sharingan user would see that he had not been able to forget and let that madman go, deep inside. Ibiki may have tricked him into falling under the Uzingan's spell, but well past the time when the trickery was exposed and the spell long broken, the memory of the gold-flecked eyes still evoked an ache of longing and that streak of disloyalty never went away. The emotions felt genuine and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with remnants of jutsu or deep psychological damage from his abuse.

It was simply a strong belief in something that was such an obvious lie, he had no defense for it at all. That in all his life, in every way, no one else had ever cared enough to see him for what he really was.

Kakashi would see his true face now, probably; he certainly was making wild claims that he had done so without revulsion already...and it seemed that within his own emotional framework, he would be able to understand Kakashi as well, to some degree.

But Jeninki had recognized his inner struggle and divined his strengths and weaknesses instantly; and not only did he understand, he made Iruka look at himself honestly for the first time. And even though that unfiltered introspection was appalling – when Jeninki saw the very same thing, it was with great warmth and affection. As if it were meant to be, he simply accepted all the bad and the good, and expressed his approval without guile.

Maybe it was just the rogue nin's eye technique that felt so honest and inviting; so maybe, now, it would be the very same thing as sharing those moments, only this time with Kakashi's inner being. Maybe that was what Kakashi meant with all his talk about deep inner bonds and understanding. Contemplating it was exhausting mentally, and his mind fell into heavy defeat, unable to muster the energy to deal with the subject any further.

"I don't mean to push you, Iruka – but we shouldn't wait much longer if we're going to do this."

"I told you I agreed. I'll stand by my word. Go ahead, Kakashi. Let them know I'll do this willingly." He nearly laughed at his own turn of phrase. How could anything be described as being done by his own will, locked up here in Ibiki's den of torture, struggling for ownership of his past and shut out from half of his own mind?

xxxxx

Sakura aborted her attempt to push open the door and froze. Sensing the eyes on her back, she pivoted instead, executing a swift about face to confront the sudden presence in the otherwise empty hallway.

The ANBU mask towered over her; for the life of her, she couldn't recall anyone in the village being that tall, nor could she immediately determine what animal the stylized mask represented.

They regarded one another in silence for a long moment. Kakashi had been escorted out by, among others, his final ANBU guard. She could think of no reason for one of them to remain.

"What is it, ANBU-san? Can I assist you?"

"I'm here to inquire about his condition." The mask tipped in the direction of the door.

"Him? Oh. Unfortunately, he's had another very bad day again. You can follow me, but please wait until I get his attention before you step all the way in."

"Understood."

The bedridden form moved slightly at the opening of the door, so she could tell he was at least somewhat responsive. She called out to him, and did not stop repeating her message nor venture further into the room until she got his moaned acknowledgment.

The ANBU stood back as requested; he did not want to put the medic nin at risk. Recent torture victims were among the most unpredictable patients. And assassins in general, and Genma in particular, could be quite deadly when startled, even unarmed.

That was not the case today, however. It soon became apparent that her warning was to reassure him and relieve him of the stress of unidentified visitors. In his condition, he would not be a danger to anyone, perhaps not even to himself.

"I have someone here to see how you're doing. It's one of the ANBU," she called out loudly.

"Which mask?" Genma rasped, barely able to speak.

"Rat?" she asked uncertainly, getting the elite's silent nod. She had to repeat it twice more, louder each time, before Genma understood. "How is the pain?"

He exhaled roughly, turning partway away, and didn't respond.

The ANBU took mental notes without any outward reaction. Shiranui was unable to see, and barely able to hear or speak. He was on oxygen again, and they appeared to be feeding him with a tube.

He held out a hand for the chart as soon as she finished updating it and scanned the recent entries. The prognosis was guarded. Recovery time was not projected. He wasn't certain if that meant that they did not expect him to recover from his latest relapse, or if they just didn't know how long it would take, but nothing he saw looked encouraging.

He didn't seem to want company. Rat knew that it would be his instinct to get away from people when he was so grossly compromised. The vulnerability of being blind and hearing-deficient would make the presence of others almost unbearable for any seasoned operative.

"This procedure is hard for him. I may ask you to leave when the orderly comes if you make him too nervous."

On cue, the door opened a crack. Sakura gave the orderly clearance to enter.

"We're going to turn you onto your side," Sakura said loudly. "We'll need you to hold still."

"Don't," Genma breathed.

"I'm sorry, I know it's unpleasant, but it won't take long."

"Stop...enough..."

They disregarded his refusals, for his own good, and took the sample of spinal fluid as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Embarrassed for Genma's pride despite the fact he was far too lost in his own suffering to be aware of it, Sakura felt she had to make some kind of explanation. In hindsight, she should have cleared the room; but he didn't usually lose control and say things like that. He was clearly still getting worse and not better.

"He's heavily medicated but even though it's the best thing we have to treat the symptoms, it has a very limited effect on this type of pain. The side effects make it difficult for him to think clearly. That helps a bit, to keep him from obsessing over his helplessness. But it interferes with his ability to cooperate, and makes it harder to cope with painful procedures and such."

The ANBU nodded silently, still watching and absorbing the scene. Genma was worse each time he relapsed, and made less recovery in between attacks. It seemed his eyesight would, at some point, be lost permanently. Try as they might, his chronic condition was slowly eating away at his senses, locking him further and further away from the only world he knew or cared about – his missions.

In this man's shoes, the ANBU knew full well what he would wish to do.

But it wasn't his place to comment, only to report back to his superior.

Xxxx

"Is there some problem?" Ibiki asked. Tsunade was standing in that position she always settled into when she was facing a long wait; and Inoichi was comfortably seated; they didn't move when he entered the room, so obviously they were not just waiting for him.

"No. They're still talking."

Ibiki suppressed an eye roll.

"How lengthy has this conversation been?"

"I thought it might be good to get this out of the way as soon as possible, so I brought Kakashi in early. It's been a good twenty minutes."

"Fine, then. He's probably not convinced, and I can't say that I blame him. We'll figure out a way to manage without a fourth man."

"A long conversation could mean they just have a lot to talk about. Iruka's under a lot of stress, and he's unavoidably emotional. He may just be going through the process of coming to terms with what's happening," Inoichi countered.

"Hm. No telling, then. It doesn't take long to tell somebody to go to hell, so it seems that isn't what happened," Tsunade mused.

"For crying out loud. Telling him to go to hell isn't going to make him just turn around and leave; in fact, there's plenty of evidence to the contrary," Ibiki said, hooking a chair with his toe and debating whether to sit. He opted instead for crossing his arms and standing at parade rest, to keep his energy up and maintain a position of dominance in relation to the other two.

"No harm in waiting a little longer," Inoichi suggested quietly.

"Let's not waste time. We can go over what we can, absent Iruka's decision," Tsunade said.

"Just how much of a decision is he capable of making? Did he pull it together last night?"

"I came in before I sent for Kakashi and performed some major healing and reinforcement. I got to worrying, late last night, that he might have become too fragile to pull this off. The healing had to be performed first, to see if there was any point in moving ahead."

"And?"

"It went well. He's surprisingly communicative again, though he is still confused, and it's more obvious than before that he's crippled with that ridiculous emotional imbalance. He still tries to cooperate, though. Not sure that I'd have the faith for that at this point, in his shoes. Did you find the information you were looking for on the seals?"

Ibiki nodded firmly.

"All of them?"

"Yes. I'm solid on every last one we've uncovered so far. And I have a primary and secondary method at the ready for all of the other types that Danzou's been know to use. So the ones we've identified shouldn't be any problem. We'll be able to hit those clean and fast."

"That's good," Inoichi said. "I was able to recharge, and I adjusted the jutsu I'll be using to fit the situation more cleanly, so the drain will be less and the force of my occupation strike will be more powerful. Even should not be able to interfere with my actions."

"I've also placed Katsuyu on notice, in case we need help."

"It's good that you mentioned it; I'll make sure the barrier on the compound is set to allow it. That's good in another aspect, too. If things don't go well, and we have to go with the more damaging options, we won't have to be so concerned. If need be, we don't have to stop until right at the brink of death."

"It's probably been long en-

Hide stepped in with a quick bow.

"A decision has been made. Shall I escort both of them in?"

"Just Kakashi. Leave Iruka to continue to rest," Tsunade said.

"When you've brought him here, return to stand by with Iruka. Talk to him. Make sure he absorbs who you are and what you look like. He needs to accept and disregard your presence once we're underway," Ibiki ordered.

Hide made his slight nod of assent and took off to fetch Kakashi.

"I'll go program the barrier to allow your summons. Excuse me."

Inoichi waited until the door closed.

"Is 'brink of death' some approach you two talked about without me?"

Tsunade wrinkled her nose and tch'd, scoffing at the idea.

"It's just a contingency plan. Don't start buying into his act this late in the game."

"He's very unhappy that you brought in Kakashi."

"He'll get over it. He'll do everything in his power to see this through with as little harm as possible. Just like you and me. Hey, I got over my damaged pride at having to bring you in. There's plenty of butt-hurt to go around but it's of no consequence. And...he's here. Do we have a verdict?"

Filling the doorway with his unmistakable silhouette, Kakashi nodded and spoke in a flat, serious drawl.

"He agreed. We're go."

"Yes! I knew it!" she smiled. She tossed a silver disc across the table; Inoichi caught it easily on the first ringing bounce.

"Let's go double or nothing," he said somberly, pitching it straight back. "I bet you that Iruka makes it through this just fine."

"You're on."

She pocketed the coin with a pat. They already had the skills and the courage primed and ready. Karma, lucky stars, bad gambler's fortune – every influence of chance she could think of was covered now as well.

If only fate didn't have such a mind of its own.

xxx

"Sai – I suppose we should keep using your last given name here for simplicity's sake. Come in. I'm pleased that you can still hear my call."

"I was not expecting it, Lord Danzou. Upon realizing that you summoned me, I came immediately."

Danzou stood aside to let him pass, eyeing him critically. Sai's speaking pattern was slightly accelerated. That was the only indication he had ever been able to detect that might indicate anxiety or excitement on his soldier's part.

He wondered which it was.

"I wasn't sure if you would."

"I will always respond to your call, as swiftly as I am able."

"Just so. Hm." Excited, then, Danzou decided. This was his 'home' after all. The place where he shared his interactions, other than missions, with his comrades, and his Lord. Did he miss their times together? Had he become that weak?
But he was a little taller now. Better looking, his features a bit more mature. That bare belly was leaner, harder, sporting a modest six-pack. All improvements to what was, in his cherished memory, a very acceptable package already. And behaving so cooperatively. Nostalgia was giving way to greedy, dark thoughts.

"So, Sai. How are things going? Do you train? Is it...sufficient to keep you in top form?"

"I maintain my form as you have instructed me. I am working with the new team, complying with your order to do so."

"You use that word very casually now," Danzou snapped in sudden, suspicious anger. "Half a dozen times already. Maybe I should not have lifted the taboo."

"It is not possible to interact as one of them while referring to one's self in the third party. One must develop the habit to sound as they do. It is a word used more frequently than any other. If you wish it, your servant will maintain the taboo in your honorable presence."

"Keep your new habit for now. Just see that it doesn't cause you to think subversive thoughts. An ego is a dangerous thing in the wrong animal. Never forget that you are no one. You are my possession, my weapon, and nothing more. You must never think otherwise, or I will surely terminate your contract to exist."

"Yes, Lord Danzou. Your servant is honored to receive your generous stewardship. There is no higher purpose than to exist as your possession. One such as myself is undeserving of your noble forgiveness."

"Open your mouth. Let me check something."

It didn't require touch, but Danzou could not resist the opportunity to brazenly slide his unwashed fingers into the familiar cavern of his subordinate's young mouth, rubbing the seal until it recognized his chakra and responded, swelling and heating up, causing gouts of saliva to flow. Oh, how he'd taken glorious advantage of that response before! Did Sai remember it fondly? Or did he just tolerate it, unable to resist, another order to fulfill?

It never occurred to him to ask. Maybe he didn't want to know the answer, and it didn't matter. His order was law, and his demands for satisfaction were always well met. This boy was a talent, unwitting or not.

And that seal, still in place, meant that whatever happened between them was still unquestionably a secret.

He pulled out and waited, while Sai stood straight-faced and wiped the saliva from his mouth and chin with the back of his hand, ignoring the discomfort in his throat.

"I have something to show you. Come with me. Are you due anywhere soon?"

"There is a mission tomorrow. The team leaves at dawn."

"Already packed up? Or do you need lead time?"

"Only to pick up the equipment in order to leave; it has all been assembled and made ready. It is at the place assigned as housing; this is the trending procedure for members of standard shinobi teams."

"Excellent. We have...ten hours before you have to go anywhere, at minimum!" He pushed open the dark door and lit the room with a flourish. "It's fortunate that I cleaned the table, just in case."

"This is a session for...training?" Sai asked, not sure why an image of one of his new senpais came into his head, looking at him with that strange expression in his natural eye. Kakashi seemed to know something about his training, and always appeared to be troubled by it somehow.

"Absolutely. If you're willing. Are you?" Danzou asked, testing again, not liking the hesitation he thought he might have detected in that last answer.

"As master your wishes are absolute, Lord Danzou. Always, anything, just as you wish."

Was that a slight reduction in the speed of his speech? Was time with those weaklings really becoming detrimental in his obedience?

Good thing I called him in when I did. I shall have to be more diligent in bringing him in from time to time from now on. To cement his loyalty. To make sure that he is still in top form when I can finally call him back to Root.

His unsavory desires shored up with this perfectly legitimate excuse, he motioned for Sai to undress and take his usual place on the cold steel, with one exception.

"Stay seated; don't lie down yet. I want you to see something."

Sai complied, still contemplating Kakashi's reaction, deciding it was about this sort of training, because he knew the Sharingan user was not given to making direct physical contact with his team other than sparring and assists in battle or emergency healing. He would have liked to have asked about it, but the seal would not allow it, and that, too made him wonder.

Things had been much simpler in the Root of his fond memory, where everything was absolute, and wondering bordered on treason.

Danzou removed his charmed necklace, and let his robe fall. Other than the wraps on his arm and across his eye, he was naked beneath, and shockingly youthful.

Sai's dark eyes were riveted, attentive and unblinking, just as they always were per his standing instructions; yet there was no detectable reaction. It was fully expected, yet unexpectedly disappointing. He really would like to see someone else's expression as they shocked and marveled at his new appearance, just as he had been delighted and surprised when he first took in his own glorious sight.

They would call him very handsome, those people with their emotional smiles and their strong opinions, Sai thought out of nowhere, still deadpan, but quite stunned at his own frivolous cognitive content. He was sure his perception was correct, though. Maybe he was beginning to get a glimmer of insight into a 'normal' shinobi's thinking.

"I'm younger and stronger than ever. This is all to be sealed, Sai. My rejuvenation and everything that we're going to do in this room tonight is sealed in your mind as always. But you can remember it as often as you please. In fact, I hope that you do. So you can come back prepared to serve me even better the next time."

Sai nodded and released his will completely to the man towering over him, turning his brain to "record" as instructed, applying his internal anesthesia and disabling that part of him given to wondering. It was best to fully prepare, so that he might do all that was requested of him without reaction or discomfort, not knowing beforehand what might occur or how long or how far it might go. The creative variety and intensity of the pain requisite to these sessions was comfortingly familiar and in this setting, it would not feel right without it. All that mattered was that he was home, and Lord Danzou had not rejected him to the Hokage as an unsuitable subordinate. He had his place in the world situated a little better, still belonging to the only person and place he had ever known, even though his mission was still to be away from him most of the time.

He could be comfortable with that. Lord Danzou wanted to test him now, and in that pain and agony was the core of his feeling of belonging.

"Straps or no straps to start?" Danzou asked aloud to himself, happy but slightly worried about wasting a single minute. "I've thought of a few new methods since we trained last. Let's see how you've done in maintaining your preparedness. Next time we'll make sure you have a full day at least; since you have a mission in the morning, I'll have to skip the injections, and allow time for healing when we're done."

There was no response.

"Have you forgotten already? Unless I order you to silence, you will reply!"

"Yes, Lord Danzou."

"Ask for the straps! Ask for them!"

"If it pleases His Lordship, your servant requests the use of the straps."

"Not good enough. Use the word of taboo and beg me as if you mean it! Beg me properly!"

"Please restrain me, Lord Danzou. I wish it. I beg you." How is this training? his unruly mind piped up, and he dismissed it immediately, stiffening, wondering where that hint of inner treason came from. If Danzou detected any resistance...

"Pathetic. I forget that you can't act as if you have feelings, even if you try. No matter. Just shut up and do as you're instructed."

Danzou sent the dark door slamming shut and bolted it with a sharp motion of chakra, setting a seal to at least alert him if Jeninki ventured into the property, making sure no one could interrupt this golden opportunity.

Sai fought the inexplicable urge to close his eyes as the strong young man yanked on the leather belts before rummaging in the cabinets for assorted instruments of abuse, unable to understand this fledgling discomfort with his old, familiar life.

xxxxxxx

The pre-session debate over the arrangement of personnel lasted much longer than seemed appropriate. Kakashi was dead set against the majority proposal, to the point of threatening to back out. He didn't want to be one of many, sitting or standing around the body on the table, everyone with their hands placed upon Iruka like he was some kind of living Ouija board.

They caved somewhat. There was a procedure chair available and Ibiki offered it warily as an option. Kakashi seized on it immediately. It may have sounded ridiculous when he explained how he proposed to use it, but they'd just have to trust his judgment. After using eye-to-eye contact to make his connection, he would sit first and Iruka would be placed in his lap once the jutsu was locked in, then the chair reclined to keep them so arranged, pressed firmly together even through the likely event that they both lost physical control. It was not possible to keep Iruka's eyes open and directly in his line of sight throughout, so bodily contact would have to serve as the next-best method. Any other arrangement might jeopardize his ability to maintain their inner connection and that risk was not acceptable in the copy-nin's unswerving opinion. He planned to focus all of his concentration within, and it made no sense to leave unaddressed the risk of losing the lock on his muscles during some demanding, critical moment and falling and breaking the jutsu. And this way, he wouldn't have to spare any awareness or waste any energy on controlling his own body.

He also hoped it might give Iruka some physical sense of being supported, but he declined to make that comment, knowing that Ibiki, already critical of his demands, would likely take exception to it immediately.

Thoughts about these 'team' disagreements, and his unspoken skepticism and outrage over the lack of humane treatment throughout this process, would have to be concealed once they got started. Kakashi was slightly less than honest in inferring to Iruka that he would allow unlimited access to his thoughts. He wouldn't cover up anything for his own ego or dignity, just as he had not the last time; but there was more, now, that would be too counter-productive to reveal in the context of this, his assigned mission. He'd have to wait to come clean, later, when the stakes were no longer life and death, and his actions were purely voluntary.

The decisions about the day and the plan of attack settled, they descended on the T&I interrogation room, to find their subject being held firmly by the ANBU tech with the goggles, awaiting their arrival.

Iruka's only response to the explanation of the seating arrangement was to blush and grit his teeth. It was harder to take with everyone looking at him expectantly; he wasn't sure what reaction they were anticipating. If they had any understanding of how frightening and humiliating this felt, they would know how hard he was trying to cooperate. He wasn't trying to be difficult in not answering; quite the opposite. His true gut reaction, if unleashed, would shame him for life; and he was rapidly losing the last shreds of self-control necessary to hide those feelings.

To be reclining in Kakashi's lap, surrounded by the others invading his body as well...it hurt to think how ridiculous he would look to everyone. Worse, Kakashi would feel his unruly body's chronic tendency to tremble with uncontrollable fear and nervousness; in this configuration he would be unable to hide his cowardice from detection by shifting his stance or feigning restless movement.

If only he could paint on a fierce, brave face, and make a joke, and give them a thumbs up or something and act like he was part of this team effort...and not its victim. He used to be able to pull that kind of thing off. All the time. His face was a mask long before he wore one. Lifelong events conspired to unmask him again and again, and now there was nothing left to hide behind.

They released the hydraulics on the empty chair and it drifted to the floor with a slow hiss. Kakashi settled in and nodded, the red eye uncovered and slowly beginning to move. Iruka supposed that he shouldn't be insulted that Ibiki and the goggled ANBU each forcefully took took an arm at the shoulder to present his face inches away from that intimidating, incredibly powerful orb.

They were leaving nothing to chance, where his unstable emotions were concerned. They'd taken his mask forcibly when they grew impatient with his resistance, but he couldn't help it, he tried, but he just couldn't control his hands enough to make them give up something he needed so desperately.

The silk mask moved, and Kakashi was talking maybe, but his ears didn't pick up anything until the spinning black aura of the red mirror wheel eye increased, establishing a hypnotic snare on his perception.

Kakashi's voice, pitched as low and deep as it could go, began to resonate as vividly in his skull as it did in his ears.

"Look deeply; let go. I'll be in charge, so you must trust me when I give you instructions. This doesn't hurt. I speak the truth, so it's essential that you believe everything I tell you without reservation. I won't hurt you. I won't apply any mirages or loops. We'll just be inside, together, seeing what exists. It's safe, Iruka. Once I join you, I'll stay, and I'll work along side you to keep you safe." Kakashi sorely wished for more time and more privacy; Iruka's battle with terror was so fierce, a handful of words weren't nearly enough to soften the shock of his invasion. He was forced to freeze his subject from resistance and struggle; in an effort to be merciful, he ramped up to execute the full jutsu as swiftly as possible.

"Kakashi," Iruka whispered aloud, without thinking, without control.

"That's right. Focus only on me. I'll be your partner on this mission. And I don't let my comrades get hurt."

The Sharingan locked in fully. Iruka's face went slack, and then his body, as Kakashi's expression froze.

"He's in. Let's get them situated," Inoichi said, watching over Ibiki and Hide as they turned Iruka's motionless form and brought him to rest.

Allaying their doubts that Kakashi would even be aware of his body's position, the copy-nin's hands rose up to wrap around Iruka to keep him in place, and to connect them further by touch, finding skin-on-skin contract with their arms resting together.

So arranged and now fully connected, they no longer had to look at each other directly; Kakashi's Sharingan eye drifted down and closed as the others sat and scooted close, readying for the right time to begin their tasks.

As the two were situated physically, so did Kakashi try to arrange them within Iruka's awareness, swiftly slipping up behind him as a backstop, and wrapping him to a degree to protect and reassure him.

Kakashi's warmth and power began filling some of the voids left behind from Even's thefts immediately; it might not be his own courage and confidence, but it felt like he had recovered a measure of his ability to cope, making the stress much more bearable.

The last thing he would have guessed was that Kakashi's presence would feel as if it belonged here; a warm, well-worn blanket of support that seemed natural to wrap up in, brimming with security and comfort and care.

You know. You understand what I'm here to do now.

It was true. Iruka knew, because Kakashi shared those thoughts. The experience was...far more comfortable than he would have imagined. Kakashi's thoughts were easy to take in and understand; and they were a lot more like his own then he would have dreamed.

There wasn't much in the way of conscious communication that was needed now. They shared thoughts and sensed one another's reactions at once. Initially, it was soothing and empowering to play host to the copy-nin's company.

Until the others started forcing their way in, and Even responded in captive rage, filling the world with deafening anger.

The other side of your personality is not very cooperative.

It wants me dead! Too soon! The illusion of privacy that gave Kakashi's strangely therapeutic presence the power to ease his pain was interrupted too soon. The threats reclaimed his attention, even as his partner sought to soften their impact.

That's why I'm here, you know that. Hang on and stay strong. We'll get you through it. I know it's tough to believe that this can work out, but have faith in me.

You haven't even figured it out, either! How can you be so confident?

I get shit done, Iruka. That's the one thing I do consistently, 99% of the time. You've already been the victim of my 1%. That's not going to happen this time, believe it.

Iruka sensed every bit of his partner's sudden rush of pain, and his guilt, at his conviction that he dropped the ball and was fully responsible for not preventing Jeninki's act of mutilation. The copy-nin felt it sharply, even though he detected that Iruka did not find him guilty. And he felt Kakashi's determination, so fierce and adamant, that he would not drop that ball again. That he would see Iruka through this mess and bring him out in one piece on the other side.

I'm not an idiot, Iruka. I'm aware of my role was in this. Anyone in my shoes would feel this way.

Mind read and already answered, Iruka tried to rein in his thoughts. It was comforting to have the support, but with the confusion of the others beginning to clash, the total invasion was so damned weird.

It was true, though, what Kakashi had said. Once they were both locked in, it was not embarrassing to be exposed. It just wasn't.

It can be horrible with an enemy, though. You can still fight with someone, even like this, and it gets incredibly ugly. You can keep things to yourself if you're the user of the technique. The opponent can, too, to a degree, depending on their training and capabilities. Kakashi drew Iruka into this inner conversation, centering him again, shielding and distracting him from intrusion and preparations for battle.

I thought you were having the same experience that I am.

It's not a matter of choice; because of my ability I have the control and defenses that go along with it. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable, so I'm sharing openly; I'm on as much equal footing with you as I can be.

But you could stop at any time.

Yes. It's a little late now, though. You've had long enough to see pretty much everything. And you're not worried that I'll pull something like that.

It's strange to have you telling me how I feel. Especially coming from you. You never seemed to have any clue, and I always thought it was an act.

You didn't make any sense in my frame of reference, either. We both had that issue. I get you now, though.

Mutual understanding and respect, between us? I would have sworn it was impossible.

Let's concentrate on getting you through this first. I'm looking forward to having this conversation out loud, Kakashi projected with a carefully crafted dose of optimism and confidence for reassurance.

But now that he was privy to every aspect of Iruka's worsening condition, he dialed up his concentration and hid away his professional opinion and private worry. He was no less determined to make this work; but from a dispassionate mission-centric standpoint, he had to concede that the odds were 50/50 at best that they'd be able to have that conversation afterward.

The mission objective was the information locked behind Danzou's seals; Kakashi knew full well he might be called upon to abandon his personal vow to protect Iruka, in order to facilitate that objective. For once, he refused to speculate how he would respond to such a command.

But by blocking Iruka from the thought process churning with those terrible conflicting truths, he extracted the desired reaction of trust and agreement and further cemented his acceptance in the intimate inner reaches of his mind.

Allowed into such vulnerable, intimate territory, he would be in the optimum position to defend or deconstruct Iruka's tenuous ego structure at will. Iruka offered no resistance or evidenced any shred of suspicion or defense against him. Truly wide open and fully accepting, the bond of trust was complete.

It struck Kakashi that this was the real reason they had called for him. This was the goal they had been unable to reach without his help. It wasn't for Iruka's comfort or survival or preservation or any of those things. It was to get past his defenses without doing further damage, for whatever utility that penetration might afford them in later in their plans.

His body reported the slight disturbance of Iruka's trembling, reminding him just how much that trust cost.

It will be all right. Just trust me, he reassured with warmly manufactured confidence, certain that Obito's disappointed eye must be gushing like a broken water main.