Zack.

Zack.

Fuckin' Zack.

The bastard had called me Zack. He'd moaned it as if the word rolling off his tongue could make him cum. It burned me up inside, set my soul on fire, brought back that rage I told myself I'd never have again. Jealousy. I told myself I'd never be jealous of him. How can someone be jealous of a dead guy? How could that one thing make me so angry? It wasn't like he was cheating on me with the guy.

That one word turned me into the person I said I'd left behind. My eyes burned with a rage when I pulled out of him, as I quickly went limp. It made me ignore the blush of embarrassment on Cloud's cheeks, his mumbled apologies, his fruitless explanations. It made me throw on my clothes and push him away as he tried to make me stay. It made me seethe, it made me loose control. It made me run. I left, heading into the rain, not caring as my clothes got wet, my hair falling in my face. There was no going back now. Pride was at stake.

I'd made the stupid move. I'd blown up. I was still mad, really. They say I have a short temper, but in all honesty it's only about a few things. One of those things is Cloud. I don't know what to call what I feel for him—I don't want to ruin it and call it love, but that must be what it is. I'm possessive about the things I care about, and rightly so. Too many of the people I've loved have been taken away from me, and it creates the need to keep the things you love close. That's one of those things that Cloud and I can relate on.

The word made Zack a reality. I knew about the two of them. Hell, I'd made Cloud tell me. I'd made him tell me and it'd made him cry, made me feel guilty. Cloud doesn't cry…kinda like Rufus. It felt like I was witnessing something taboo and terrible. Zack was the one barrier that he couldn't hold. Cloud has so many walls around him, but that's the unstable one. He's been 'forgiven' for the rest, but he'll never forgive himself for Zack.

He'll never forgive himself for not being able to save him. It's that classic tragic love story with a twist. Boy meets boy, boy falls madly in love with boy, boy goes on mission with boy, boys get captured and tortured for five years, boy helps boy escape, boy is killed saving his love's life.

The word made me realize that I wasn't that kind of force in Cloud's life. Would he cry if I died? I shake the rain out my hair while running my hand through it. Would he remember me like he remembers Zack?

A faint voice sounds behind me, stopping me in my tracks. A hand is on my shoulder, willing me to turn around. As I turn, I see him—the man I…love. His hair is half plastered to his face, his clothes soaked with the rain. He doesn't even have shoes on. I try not to look too long in his eyes, try to feign disinterest.

"Reno." He murmurs, brining his hand halfway to my face, but reconsiders it, leaving his hand hanging in mid-air. "I'm sorry." My eyebrows furrow. "Can't you see I'm sorry?" His voice carries a slight frustration. "I thought you understood about…him." He looks to the ground, to his muddy feet. The subject was now sensitive for both of us. The name carried more weight than his voice could handle.

"What did you expect me to do?" I force out, the anger beginning to bubble up.

"Not run away." Cloud balls his fists at his sides, "Not run away from it. From me." He unclenches his fists, looking me straight in the eyes. "You told me you understood…that you'd deal with it…that it was a part of me and that you were willing to work with it." Shame flushes my cheeks, ridiculing me for being such a child. He was right. Goddamn it, he was right.

"What was I supposed to do?" I whisper a similar question as before, but in defeat instead of anger.

"Listen." Cloud sneaks closer to me, lifting my chin and fixing his eyes on mine. "Tell me it's alright." He snakes his arms around my waist. "Hold me and tell me that you'll stay with me forever." I wrap my arms around him and he leans into my touch. "That you won't die too," he whispers. I can hear the tears in his voice as I hold him close, willing the rain to wash away the pain in Cloud's heart.


a/n: So it's not what I'd said it would be...again. But hey, I got inspired two days in a row. That's two more chapters! They're getting longer and longer...I feel like as I keep going, they may turn into one-shots instead of drabbles--but who's complaining, ne? I think that the acceptance of the former Zack chapter made me okay to write bits of my beloved Zack/Cloud in here, which is good. Makes a thicker background, more drama, and more room for the angst all of you love!

Chapter 30 is next! Oh my lord. I have no idea what I might do...I think it may be the fabled plotbunny o' crossdressing. I think we need to lighten it up a bit. Maybe a lemony crossdressing chapter? You know how kinky my Reno muse can get... :ponders:

Faithful reviewers, you do know you're getting a party next chapter, right? It's only because I love you so much, and you totally deserve it.

Leave love, all you readers, and you'll get it back tenfold!