AN: Guys, Gracie has a confession: I fucking love vampires. (It's not an AU, I promise!) Thanks to bbxaqualad4evas for the prompt. Also, I had no clue what to name this. Thus, a title that made no sense.
It was always night in Uncanny Valley, Arizona. The moon was always full, the wolves were always howling, and the vampires were always hungry. That hadn't been a problem for Robin when it was just a video game, but, thanks to Control Freak, he was now inside that video game, and Red X had been dragged in alongside him. Before the T communicator had cut out and become useless, Cyborg had estimated at least 12 hours to get them out.
"I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we're inside Nightfall." Red X muttered, as they set up camp in the ghost town's dusty church. "I mean, how friggin' powerful is Control Freak? He can just, zap us into fictional dimensions? The guy's a god, and this is the stuff he does with that power?"
"I know. It's sad." Robin dragged a pew into front of the church door. Red X was nailing loose boards over the narrow windows. "Twelve hours. We're going to need food and water."
"We can get food from the General Store, and the water pump is right by there." Red X reminded him.
"Yeah, but the General Store is always packed with ghouls. I don't want to get my face eaten by undead townspeople."
"Damn it, why couldn't Control Freak give us stakes and garlic? Wait, there's no backdoor to this place, right?"
Robin thought a minute. "…No. But I think in later levels, the high ranking vampires can get in through the roof. They're really weak in here, though."
Just as he finished talking, there was a heavy thunking on the roof. Dust tumbled down onto their heads. Red X gripped his hammer tighter and backed away from the window. "Looks like we're about to test that theory." He said, as Robin stepped up next to him.
A small section of the roof fell inward, and three bodies tumbled into the room. "Gosh darn it, Jessamine, will ya get off my dang leg?!"
"Shut up, Paradise! I ain't the one dun make the ceilin' fall, that was yer idea!"
"Both of you, quiet. We are not alone." The three intruders got to their feet, and everybody stared at each other.
The man in the middle, a scruffy, square-jawed redhead in a Stetson and a leather duster, eyed Robin and Red X for a minute, before drawing a sawed-off shotgun out of his coat. "Jessamine. What are they? Demons?"
There was one woman, clothed in loose canvas pants and a high-necked button up shirt. Her thick brown hair was piled up in a bun, and she had a bunch of wooden stakes around her waist. Her brown eyes flicked over them a few times. "No. No. Not demons. No horns, and their eyes sure ain't glowin'."
"They appear to be human to me." Remarked the Navajo man to their left.
"We're human." Robin confirmed. "And we don't belong here. We were, sent here, against our will. We'll be leaving soon, but we're stuck for several hours."
"We're not above asking for help." Red X added, and all three jumped at the sound of the voice modifier. "Oh. Right. Sorry." Red X peeled the mask off. "Not my real voice. Just a, uh—"
"Magic trick." Robin offered.
"Yep. Just a magic trick."
The Navajo man nudged the man in the Stetson. "Clay. That falling star, two hours ago. We heard shouting." He nodded at Robin and Red X. "Them, perhaps."
Stetson man nodded. "Well. Good enough for me!" He stepped up closer, and stuck his hand out to Robin. This close, Robin could see the freckles dusting his handsome face, and the dimples when he grinned. "Clayton Paradise! Local monster slayer!" Stunned and amused, Robin shook his hand. Still grinning, Clayton turned to Red X and shook his hand too. "The bird is Jessamine Hass, expert in all things evil and spooky, and that there's Hok'ee, local guide and one hell of an archer. Don't ya worry, boys, we'll keep the both of ya safe 'til ya can go home." Clayton looked around, and whistled. "Well howdy. Done a dang good job, sealin' this place up."
"How'd ya know ta pick the chapel?" Jessamine asked, from where she'd wandered up to the altar.
"Uh. Vampires don't like crosses?" Xavier said. "Common knowledge."
"…How'd ya know there were vampires?"
"Jessamine, leave 'em alone. Unless you're duller than dishwater, easy to figure out that the buggers with the fangs are vampires." Clayton said.
"I'm just curious—"
"Yer nosey, is what you is!"
The two devolved into bickering, and Hok'ee watched them with mild interest.
"So, we reckon that the Vampire Queen is hidin' out in that copper mine outside 'ah town. She's real high-rankin', 'nd real powerful, so a normal wooden stake ain't gone do it." Clayton explained, as he sharpened several sticks. "We'll need ta take her head off with a silver blade, 'nd then burn the body."
Red X nodded, pretending that he didn't know this already. Hopefully, he and Robin would be back home before they had to actually fight any flesh-eating monsters. But, knowing Robin, the kid would want to stay behind and help. Idiot. Stupid, selfless, beautiful, idiot.
The idiot in question was currently helping Hok'ee paint the heads of his arrows with silver dust, whilst Red X and Jessamine mixed up these weird salt grenade things. "Do you guys know when you're mounting your attack?" Robin asked, setting a finished arrow aside and grabbing another.
"That's Jessamine's call." Clayton said cheerfully, before glancing up at Robin. "Ah, hold still, partner." He reached out and used one finger to swipe a smear of silver paint off Robin's cheek. Robin jumped and gave a nervous laugh. Hok'ee stared at Clayton in shock, and Red X abruptly noticed that he'd crushed the salt grenade in his hand. He shook the salt off his hand and grabbed more.
Jessamine gave Clayton an odd look, and then said, "We can't go with the moon out. The moonlight makes them stronger, so we need to wait for cloud-cover. It'll be darker, but safer."
"How long until the clouds come?" Red X asked, dropping the salt grenade into Jessamine's bag.
"Not sure. Could be an hour. Could be twelve."
"It is certainly possible that you and your friend will have been returned to your proper home before our assault begins." Hok'ee assured him. "And, if not, you have no obligation to assist us."
Clayton snorted. "Aw, come on, Hok'ee, sure they ain't obligated, but this one here—" He clapped Robin on the shoulder. "—Is a hero, ya can tell. He'll sure as shootin' help, ain't that right, little bird?" He gave Robin a truly dazzling grin, and Robin, stunned, nodded mutely.
Hok'ee narrowed his eyes briefly, Jessamine looked completely confused, and Red X crushed another salt grenade.
While they were playing the game in the outside world, romance had never been part of the narrative. Meaning that the developers had never displayed Clayton's incessant flirty side. He'd moved in closer to Robin, so their shoulders bumped constantly. He'd duck in close to murmur a joke in his ear, and kept 'accidently' letting his hand drop on Robin's thigh.
The attention was nice, but Robin was a little icked out by the fact that Clayton was actually just a bunch of pixels. Besides, Clayton wasn't who he wanted this kind of attention from. But every time he glanced over at Red X, the thief was looking somewhere else, studiously ignoring them. He should be used to it by now, the cold brush-off, but it still hurt.
A couple of weeks ago, he'd kind of—well, he'd thrown himself at Red X, and had been shot down. Ever since, Red X had been keeping his distance. No more banter, no more teasing, he hadn't even called Robin 'kid' since. It was kind of breaking his heart.
Clayton's warm, scarred hand covered his, and he chuckled right by Robin's ear. "Boy, I don't believe you've ever held a huntin' knife in yer whole life." He breathed. Robin turned to look at him, their noses bumping. Clayton smirked when Robin turned crimson. "Ya can't hold it like a damn dagger." Clayton shifted his fingers over Robin's, showing him how to adjust his hold. "Yeah…there ya go, darling. Ya got it."
"Oh, thank you." Robin resumed sharpening the stake he was holding. "Huh. That does feel better." He looked back at Clayton and smiled. "Thanks.' He repeated.
"Ain't nothin', sugar." Clayton drawled. "And by the way, I can show you a few other things that feel better—"
Clayton was suddenly jerked to the side and off the floor. Hok'ee was standing over him, eyes burning, with a death grip on Clayton's wrist. "Clay." He said harshly. "We should go outside. See if there are any approaching storms."
Clayton blinked up at him. "I don't see why—"
"Now Clay." Hok'ee dragged Clay to his feet and towed him over to the blocked door.
"Alright alright I'm comin' dang it! You are strong, partner, ease up there…" Hok'ee shoved the pew aside, dragged Clayton out into the night, and slammed the door behind them.
Robin looked at Red X, who shrugged helplessly. "Uh. What was that about?" He asked, glancing at Jessamine.
"Never you mind." She said curtly.
"Mr. Red." Jessamine said, not looking up from her lore book. "Them two been outside for an awful long time. Go 'nd check on 'em?"
Red X had been busy taking surreptitious glances at Robin, who was still blushing, but he nodded and got to his feet. It was going to be harder to like the 'Clayton Paradise' character after they got back to the real world, now that he'd seen him pawing at Robin like that. He was definitely Robin's type: charming, roguish, hell the guy was even a redhead. Which was the problem. Robin had a bad habit of picking jerks. Red X blamed Batman.
The area seemed free of ghouls, and it was pretty quiet. Red X walked around the side of the church and headed for the back wall. He was about to call out, when he heard Hok'ee's voice. "I don't understand. Are you angry with me? Were you trying to hurt me?"
"Aw, come on, Sunflower, I didn't mean nothing by it."
"Do not call me that right now! I'm angry with you. You were flirting with another man in front of me, Clay!"
"I was just tryin' ta get that other one all riled up 'nd jealous." Clayton chuckled. "Looks like yer the only gettin' jealous."
"Jealous? Elaborate." Hok'ee growled.
"Ain't it obvious? Those two in there, crazy for each other. But Red's too shy ta admit, and Robin—I swear that boy's too dumb ta teach a hen to cluck—is too blind ta see it!"
"And you thought the best way to fix that was by throwing yourself at Robin?" Hok'ee snorted. "Forgive me if I don't believe you."
"Sunflower, ya can't be serious. The kid's seventeen, and ya know how much I love ya."
"Do you really think that flirting with Robin would, what? Make them spontaneously admit it?"
"Like I said, tryin' ta make Red jealous." There was a pause. "I mean, worked with us, didn't it?"
"That was different!"
"How?"
"…The point is, I doubt it worked. After all, Red X is out here, spying on us, and Robin is inside with Jessamine."
Red X jumped and pressed himself against the wall, cursing under his breath. After a second, he cautiously peeked around the corner. Hok'ee gazed at him calmly, and Clayton gave him a cheerful wave. "…I don't like Robin." He said.
"Yes you do." Hok'ee said. "Either that, or you find his face very fascinating."
"Yer real good at sneaking peeks when he ain't lookin'." Clayton added helpfully. "I always sucked at it." He reached out and slid an arm around Hok'ee's waist, yanking him in close. "I got caught in like, two days, didn't Sunfower?"
"I'm still angry." Hok'ee said, and pulled away.
Clayton gave him an intense puppy-pout, but Hok'ee ignored him. Clayton blew out a sigh, and looked back at Red X. "Anyhow, ya mind explain' why yer out here, talkin' ta us, and not in there, kissin' him?"
"Clay, leave him be. Perhaps love between two men is as dangerous in their world as it is in ours." Hok'ee suggested.
"No, that's not it." Xavier blew out a sigh. "Look, listen, not that it's any of your business, but Robin happens to deserve better than me. That's why I turned him down."
"Wait, wait, ya already had a shot with him, and ya said no?" Clayton looked at Hok'ee. "I told ya they were dumb!"
"You were correct: quite stupid."
"Stop calling me stupid!" Xavier groaned in frustration. "He's a hero. I'm, not that. I steal, I'm selfish and unreliable, I'm completely immature…he deserves better."
Hok'ee finally looked at Clayton. "No, no, I was wrong. Extraordinarily stupid."
"Go back inside, right this minute, and you kiss him! You kiss him hard and tell him how much he means to ya!" Clayton pointed dramatically at the church. "Also, I would like some privacy with Hok'ee—"
"So I may smack him without a witness."
"—And you are makin' that boy miserable with all yer mind games!" Clayton concluded. "Ya love each other. It's just that simple, I promise!"
Xavier looked at the ground, ashamed. "…What if I hurt him? What if we start, being something, and then I hurt him? I couldn't stand that."
"You have already hurt him." Hok'ee pointed out.
"Yeah, you hurt him! Go kiss it better!"
"Clay, be quiet."
"Ya know that ain't my strong suit."
"If I went out with him, and we got committed, I'd end up hurting him worse when I inevitably let him down." Xavier insisted.
"Hok'ee, tell me, what's a more extreme word than 'extraordinarily'?" Clayton asked. "Cuz that's how stupid he is."
"You two sound just like my friends at home."
"Wait, wait, you've heard this before?" Clayton took off his hat and let out a whistle. "Okay, boy, think about it this: back inside, when I had my hands all over him—Hok'ee, please take yer foot off of mine, it hurts very much—how bad did that hurt ya? Did it sting a little, or did it burn like hell?"
Xavier thought for a minute. "Honestly, Clayton, I wanted to beat you to death with your own ribcage. I wanted to take large pieces of a cactus and shove them down your throat until you drowned in your own blood. I wanted to tie you to one of those pews inside and—"
"We understand what you're trying to say." Hok'ee cut in. "You care about him."
"I love him." Xavier admitted. "I thought I'd get over it, but…"
"But then ya wanted ta kill me with a cactus?"
"I hate you so much, Clayton." Xavier said. "So fucking much. I'm actually imagining what it would sound like if I lit you on fire."
"Alright, see, that's what we're talkin' about. That, my friend, is true love." Clayton insisted. "Go, go kiss his face, get your man! Before somebody else hits on him and means it!"
"Oh like who, Jessamine?" Hok'ee said, rolling his eyes.
"You know what I mean."
Xavier shifted from foot to foot. "What if he says no?"
"Then ya missed yer shot, dumbass." Clayton said cheerfully, and shooed. "Go. Now. I wanna kiss my Sunflower."
"That won't be happening for a while." Hok'ee said sweetly, as Xavier ran for the door.
Robin looked up at Red X burst back in. "Hi. Uh. Hey. Robin. Hi." Red X stared at him for a minute. "Um. Jessamine? Could we get, a minute? Alone?"
Jessamine rolled her eyes, slapped her book shut, rolled to her feet, and walked outside. "Have fun, boys." She muttered.
"Red? What's going on?" Robin asked, as Red X scrambled over and sat down. "Is everything okay?"
Red X reached and grabbed both of his hands. "I'm sorry I told you there was 'no way in Hell'." Red X blurted out. "I…I didn't mean, I have no idea why I said that."
Robin's face fell, and he pulled his hands away. Oh. He wants to talk about that. "Red X, it's fine." He said stiffly. "I'll get over it. You don't have to—"
"Kid, I love you." Red X said, trying to grab Robin's hands again. "I swear, I'm not lying, or anything, I really do love you."
Robin pulled away again. "You rejected me." He said flatly. "You really hurt me, and now you're telling me you really do want me? What kind of game are you playing, Red?"
"The kind where I was scared." Red X ducked his head, ashamed. "The kind where I thought it wouldn't work out, and where I thought I wasn't good enough for you."
Robin crossed his arms. "Not good enough?"
"You're this amazing guy and—"
Robin rolled his eyes in disgust. "Don't give me that shit! Like you aren't amazing?" Red X looked hopefully. "I mean, you're a total jerk who hurt me for no fucking reason, but you're amazing."
"I thought, see, I…I had some very good reasons."
"Is one of those reasons that you're a coward who's afraid of being emotionally vulnerable?"
"…Maybe." Red X tried to turn away, but Robin reached out and touched his cheek.
"Look, Red." Robin said gently. "I'm in love with you. I seriously am. The only way this is happening is if you're serious. No. More. Games."
Red X covered Robin's hand with his own, squeezing. "Fuck, kid, I promise, no more games. Just, us."
Robin sighed happily. It was so nice to have his pet-name back. "Well." He said, smirking. "There are some games we can play." He purred, stroking Red's cheek.
"Huh?" Red X gave him a blank look.
Robin sighed. "You sweet, innocent, Catholic boy. You have no idea what you just got yourself into." He shifted his hand, running his thumb over Red X's lips. "Now kiss me before I change my mind."
Red X pounced on him, slamming their lips together. Robin smiled into the kiss as Red's fingers knotted into his hair, and wrapped his arms around Red's powerful body. "God damn kid…" Red X pushed him to the floor, pinning him to the boards. "Fuck, thought I'd never get to do this." Red growled, and Robin opened his mouth, asking for more.
Robin was getting into the habit of walking in without knocking. "Babe?" He called.
Parker stuck his head out the living room door. "Hey, Robby. What the hell happened in that video game?"
"…Why?" Robin asked, just now hearing the Nightfall music.
"Um." Parker looked back over his shoulder. "Well."
Kenneth appeared, looking confused. "He's, just, deliberately getting Clayton Paradise killed. Over and over again. And laughing."
"Does it hurt, mother-fucker? I hope it does! He keeps saying that."
"Oh my god, move." Robin pushed past them, and found his boyfriend on the couch, wielding a controller and sending Clayton running head-long into a pack of hungry ghouls. "Babe, what are you doing?"
"I still hate him." Xavier said cheerfully, as Clayton died again.
Robin leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Xave. You're real. You win." Robin promised. "And, come on, I've only fantasized about him during sex once or twice—"
"I hate you too." Xavier snapped as Robin broke into giggles.
