CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
ANGER AND UNDERSTANDING
"Don't you ever again imply that I would hurt your brother!
Joe was on his feet, and so then were the other men in the room.
"Amanda," Paul called out, reaching for her shoulder.
"Joseph!" Ben yelled. "No more!"
"C'mon, Joe," Candy said, "sit down."
Joe," Adam said as he stepped between Amanda and his brother. "She's a woman, Joe! Just walk away."
Amanda began to shake. Her eyes quickly welled and her legs threatened to bend. Her right hand still stung from the blow to Joe's face, and when she felt Paul's hands on her shoulders, she nearly dropped the treasure still clutched safely in her left hand.
Paul turned her and led her toward the guest room door.
"Don't tell me you're all buying into her story?" Joe shouted, pushing past Adam.
"Joe," Adam shouted coldly.
Joe stopped and spun around to face his brother.
"Sit down," Adam said, "now!"
Amanda pulled her arm from Paul's grip. "I didn't come here to cause trouble," she cried, "and I never wanted to pit brother against brother! Over the last year, I've sought help from everyone I could think of, but Jackson and his friends kept buying them off and issuing threats. Jackson even had something on the warden at the prison, and now there's talk that Jackson may be pardoned! And none of that mattered. None of it!" she shouted. "Because every time Hoss returned to San Francisco, he'd work on the lumber agreement and visit the camps, and as soon as he finished, he'd come to me! And we were happy and in love. And we made promises and shared dreams and we walked along the rivers and picnicked under the trees and the blue skies and we went riding on my ranch and . . . and he promised we'd find a way to deal with Jackson and we'd be together, always, and . . . and on May twenty-second, I read the newspaper, and the headlines . . . and they said Hoss had drowned. Hoss was . . . dead."
"Amanda!" Paul said, reaching for her as she staggered, only to be pushed away again.
"And I tried, I tried so hard, she shouted. "I grieved alone. For three months, I mourned by myself. And I mourned for you, all of you. I knew that anyone who meant so much to Hoss must have been suffering! And then word came that Jackson paid a judge to release him early. It hasn't happened yet, but I know it will. Whatever Jackson wants, he's always gotten! And I need help to stop him!" Amanda doubled over, sobbing as she shook.
Paul wrapped his arms around her, fearful that she would crumble to the floor.
Candy looked away, thinking of Hoss and how happy he would have been to have someone who loved him as much as he could love in return.
Adam sensed that there was more to be told, and his heart couldn't help but feel for the distraught woman in the room.
Confused by his mind's doubts and suspicions and his heart's empty aching, Joe resisted the urge to run to the barn, saddle Cochise, and ride as far from the house as he could.
Ben reached for Amanda's hand and as he closed his around hers, she stared at the calloused, tender fingers entwined with her own. He deserves the right to choose. They all do. If they want me to leave, I will. But they have to know everything.
"Jackson will not win this time," she cried, renewed strength in her voice and her stance. She spoke to Ben, Adam, Joe, and Candy, but it was Ben who garnered her full attention. "Hoss courted and fell in love with a married woman. He wanted you to know, but I disagreed. I feared it would cause you embarrassment and shame, and I feared the same for him. So while I kept trying, searching for some official that Jackson couldn't touch with his influence and his threats, Hoss assured me that somehow, I would have my divorce. We knew that if Jackson were to get a pardon, he'd come for me, and he would use any means against us, and possibly, against any or all of you." Amanda laughed, a small, brief chuckle of remembrance. "Hoss said that you'd all take on anything Jackson could bring against you, and I see now that I was wrong to doubt that. Hoss was right, but I didn't understand then, and I begged him not to tell you just yet, and he agreed. And then, he was gone." Amanda moved to the settee, and Ben and Paul moved along with her, steadying her as she walked. But when she reached it, she turned instead to face Ben. "Mr. Cartwright," she whispered, "I loved Hoss. I still do and always will. I wouldn't have come here . . . wouldn't have put you through any of this . . ."
Adam said, aloud, the words they were all silently thinking. "Then why are you here?"
Amanda's heart raced. She felt a gentle squeeze against her fingers and when her eyes met Ben's, a calming cascade of tranquility washed over her. She felt his soul begging for an answer and hers, in return, longed to respond. "I'm here because I'm carrying Hoss's child."
