New update!

As always, big thank you to the readers/reviewers! I appreciate all the lovin' and I'm so happy to see interested hasn't faded in this story. I really do love writing this and I'm excited to write out some future chapters for it. Hopefully I'll get some more written out soon.

Until I do, here's some more of this story to tide you all over! Enjoy!

And as always, comments are love.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Instant Star!


Chapter 28

Tommy felt his heart shatter bit by bit as he saw a single tear streaming down Jude's face.

He hated that she was going through this pain that he was causing her; it seemed like that was all he ever did was cause her pain. He knew he didn't deserve her, but at the moment, he just couldn't seem to bring himself to walk away. He was selfish and he knew that and surprisingly, as long as it meant that eventually he would win her back somehow, he was okay with being selfish.

When he moved to pull her into his arms, he was surprised to find that she didn't reject him like he thought she was going to. She simply embraced him equally as much and buried her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She said nothing and it made him slightly nervous. He didn't know what to make of it. But at the same time, she made no move to shrug out of his grasp, and he wasn't about to let this good feeling go.

Neither one apparently willing to move, they simply stayed that way until Jude moved first quite some time later.

Surprisingly, her eyes were not red or puffy as he had expected them to be and he could feel no wet spot on his shirt from where her tears should have been. She was completely dry-eyed. She just looked a little tired.

"Come sit down," she said hoarsely. "We should talk."

Suddenly, his nerves went into overdrive. He couldn't really gauge any meaning from the tone of her voice and he was on full alert.

When he didn't move, she grabbed him by the hand and slowly led him to the couch. She turned to face him and before she could say anything, he started talking. He was too scared to give her a chance to say anything. "I swear I didn't know," he blurted out. "Please believe me. I would have told you about something like that."

She smiled softly and surprise reverberated through him when she linked her fingers through his. "I do believe you. It's okay, Tommy."

"I don't understand. I thought..."

"You thought I'd react worse than I did when I found out about Angie?" she offered.

"Well... yeah," he admitted. "I'm a little confused."

She sighed and tilted her head to the side. "Tommy, this was your past. It's not like this is something that happened recently. And you had no control over this. She kept this from you." She drew in a deep breath and squeezed his hand even tighter. "While I've been away, I've realized something. It's something I didn't want to realize, but I just…"

"What?"

"As upset as I was when I left—which I still am, by the way—I realized recently that I'm not strong enough to stay away from you, Tommy. I need you," she said almost inaudibly.

Relief burst through every cell in his entire body. He couldn't ever remember feeling this grateful and, well, happy in his life.

He took a chance and grabbed either side of her face, pulling her lips to his in a soul-searing kiss. She didn't hesitate at all; she kissed him back with equal fervor and gripped the front of his shirt in her fists.

He felt her body shift and his body automatically accommodated hers as she moved to straddle his lap. She pulled back just enough to where she could place her lips next to his ear. She whispered, "I want you. Now."

His body jolted with excitement at her demand and he was more than happy to oblige as he gripped her thighs and stood up from the couch. "Bedroom?"

"Down the hall on the right," she said as she was placing open-mouthed kisses along his neck.

Somehow, their mouths reconnected and he wasn't even sure how he navigated him through the hall. But eventually they made it to the bedroom she was staying in and he quickly shut the door behind them. Once the door closed, he spun them around and pushed her against it, never once breaking contact with her.

His body shivered when she slipped her hands underneath the hem of his shirt and he quickly pulled it up over his head as she did the same with her own shirt. After she stripped herself of her jeans, he made quick work of taking his undershirt off and unbuckling his own pants.

He watched with careful eyes as Jude eyed the clothes that were scattered all over the floor. He wished he knew what she was thinking because her eyes were sparkling with something that he couldn't quite place. It was almost like she wanted to tell him something.

"What is it?" he asked in a shaky breath.

She looked back up at him and gave him a small smile and shook her head. "Nothing."

To solidify her assertion that nothing was wrong, she quickly reconnected their lips and while he would have pulled back to question her again, his mind stopped working as her hands started traveling underneath the waistband of his boxers. He could only follow her as she drew them back towards the bed.

Clearly she wanted this just as much as he did; who was he to question it?


Tommy tightened his grip on Jude as they lay in bed together, still breathing heavy after their second round. It seemed as though neither one of them could get enough of the other, and that was just fine with him. He knew that they were both just putting off the inevitable conversation that was bound to come, but he did what he came to do. He told her the truth and he was so happy that she didn't run off on him again. Listening to her slightly unsteady breathing caused him to smile and he placed a kiss on the top of her forehead.

"I love you," he whispered.

She looked up at him with her big blue-green eyes and smiled widely. "I know. I love you, too, Tommy." He mirrored her smile but looked away from her. As happy as he was that she wasn't tossing him out on his ass after finding out that he was a father, he was still a little upset with her for leaving in the first place and hearing her tell him that she loved him made him remember how he felt when she left. "What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," he said as he shook his head.

"Tommy... come on. You can tell me."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just still a little mad, that's all."

"Tommy—"

"Why? Why didn't you stay? Why did you have to run?"

She sighed and turned her head, but that didn't stop him from noticing guilt creeping up into her eyes. "I wasn't in a good place. I was hurt and angry and... and I was scared."

"Scared? What on earth were you afraid of?"

"You don't understand," she said sadly.

"Of course I don't. So explain it to me, please."

She bit her lip before she turned back around to face him again. "Tommy, when I found out the truth about Angie, it scared me because once I got over the initial hurt of being lied to all this time, I realized that I didn't care."

"I'm confused," he admitted.

"Okay, let me rephrase that. I cared that you lied to me. That hurt a lot. But the time apart really helped clear my head, Tommy. You've changed everything in my life. Don't you get it? When I was with Jamie, I was in a safe, stable relationship. It's what nearly every girl hopes for in life. And then you came back into the picture and I was willing to toss aside values and morals that I've had since I was sixteen years old. Knowing that my father cheated and was willing to chance throwing his family away for some affair like that, well... it made me realize that I didn't ever want to be like that. Not ever.

"But then when you showed up again, it wasn't long before everything I believed in and knew for a fact was wrong was challenged. For me, cheating was wrong. It was a black and white thing. When my dad cheated on my mother, I was so hurt by it and it really just opened my eyes to a lot of things.

"So when you came back into the picture, everything was different. Suddenly, it wasn't so black and white anymore. It's why I was all over the place all that time. I was just feeling… everything. I had cheated on my boyfriend with you, even if it was just a kiss. It's just that the crazy thing for me was that there was nothing stable about our relationship, nothing solid. And I didn't care. Honestly, I wanted to be with you—that's why I was pushing you away so hard because I was still with Jamie. And then after Jamie, I was pushing you away because my feelings for you were too strong for my liking.

"So when I found out about Angie and I realized that this wasn't enough to make me want to leave you, I ran because I was scared that I was changing into something I promised myself I wouldn't ever become."

He turned his head away, unable to hide the pain and shock in his eyes at her words. Had he really done that to her? Had he ruined her, just like he always feared he would?

He tried to keep his head turned away, but she grabbed his face and gently turned it back. But he still wasn't ready for her to see that, so he shut his eyes, still refusing to look at her. "Tommy," she coaxed. "Tommy."

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and found soft, gentle ones staring right back at him. She was smiling.

"Tommy, I'm fine and I'm finally at peace with everything. Please understand that. You didn't force me to change, okay?"

"But I did," he argued. "You just said it yourself. You've become something you never wanted to be."

"Stop, all right? Just stop this pity-party because I'm not going to be a part of it. Look, shit happens. People change, ideals change and it's not always a bad thing. But you need to stop with this self-loathing routine, because it's kind of a turn-off," she said with a smirk. He couldn't help but laugh at her and he pulled her in closer to him. "I think we both need to grow up," she said after a few minutes of quiet had passed. "We need to stop dealing with stuff the way we're used to because truthfully—our way sucks."

He laughed and nodded, definitely agreeing with her. He rested his chin on the top of her head and smiled. "Our way does suck. No more running?"

"No more running," she agreed. "So about this baby…"

"Yeah, there it is. I was wondering how long it would take you to ask questions. What do you want to know, Jude?"

"Everything that you know. Anything that you're willing to tell me."

He sighed and shifted slightly. "I don't know much and that's the honest to goodness truth. I promise. All I know is that she named him Isaac and put him up for adoption before he was even born. She gave me what information she could, and truthfully, it wasn't a lot. Basically, once she watched the couple walk away with Isaac in the hospital, that was the last she saw of him."

"But how did she keep this from you? Don't both parents have to sign…?"

"She forged my signature, Jude. It's not that hard to imagine. People forge signatures all the time."

As he stared down at her, she bit her lip, and nodded. "Yeah, it just sucks. I'm sorry that she kept this from you. That wasn't fair."

He shut his eyes and turned completely on his back. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. But maybe this was just some form of cruel karma. After all the things he's done in his life, it only seemed right that he got some kind of payback.

"Maybe…"

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I deserved it," he whispered.

If he had been looking, he was almost certain that Jude's mouth would be hanging wide open, gaping at him. It almost caused him to smile a little. "Why on earth would you say that?"

He lifted himself into a half-sitting position and rested against the headboard. "Jude, I'm not a good person. I've never been a good person. I don't know how to be. Maybe this was some kind of cosmic justice or something. Who knows?"

"Okay crazy person. What is all of this talk about not being a good person?"

He laughed and shook his head. "You've read the tabloids about me, haven't you? Half of what you read in that crap is probably true and the other half probably just got the facts mixed up."

"Honestly, I didn't keep up with the tabloids. Not really, anyway. And anyway, it doesn't matter what kind of person you were then. What matters is the person you've become and you know what? I kind of love the person you've become."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew half the shit I've pulled in the past."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about your past? Not anymore."

"Well have you forgotten what I just did recently? You remember, the big fat lie that I kept from you?"

"Stop. None of that matters anymore. Besides, I'm not the best person in the world either."

Tommy's eyes flew open at that and he looked down to face her. She looked guilty. Immensely guilty. "Why would you say that? You're one of the best people I know."

"I'm not though. I'm selfish, I'm hypocritical, and…"

"What?"

"I haven't been exactly honest with you since you showed up," she said as she looked down at the sheets.

"What do you mean?"

"You're gonna be really mad," she whispered.

A sick feeling bubbled up in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling he already knew what she was about to tell him. "Tell me."

Her eyes shut and she took a deep breath. He was bracing himself for it. He was just going to have to get over it and find a way to look past it. "I… I almost had sex with Johnny."

He quirked an eyebrow and was still holding his breath. That really wasn't what he was expecting. In fact, it was the one thing that was stopping him from going into a crazy fit of jealous rage. Yeah, he was pissed right now, but he was flabbergasted more than anything. He was expecting for them to have actually gone through with it. Not "almost" go through with it. How can you "almost" have sex?

"Uh, what exactly do you mean here, Harrison? 'Almost'?"

She promptly looked away from and he noticed the flush in her cheeks. "This is kind of embarrassing," she muttered. He gave her a look that told her he wasn't going to stop pushing her until she spilled, and even though she wasn't looking at him, he knew that she could tell he was staring her down. She let out an annoyed sigh and he fought back a smirk. "Fine. We were fooling around," she said as her cheeks became as red as a cherry. "Oh God, I really hate you right now, Quincy."

"Tough shit, Harrison. There's no way I'm letting you out of this now."

"Okay, okay. We were in the middle of… stuff," she mumbled the last part and grabbed a pillow to hold it over her face. "I kind of blurted your name out." The words were muffled, but he heard. Loud and clear.

And he couldn't hold back the laughter. He just couldn't help it.

Somewhere in the middle of his boisterous laughter, Jude took the pillow off of her face only to whack him on the stomach with it, which only caused him to laugh harder. "You're seriously laughing right now?"

He didn't even attempt to talk as the laughter continued. This seemed to make the passionate blonde lying next to him angrier and she hit him with the pillow again and again, but when he tried to stop laughing, they locked eyes and she started chuckling with him. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down next to him and she rested her head on his chest with her arm slung over his stomach.

The laughter finally died down and he rested his chin on the top of her forehead. "Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at you."

"It's okay," she said as she traced imaginary circles on his abdomen. "It is kind of funny, actually."

He smiled and pulled her tighter against him, feeling better than he had in a while. Probably since he got that phone call from Angie.

Thinking about Angie darkened his mood a little. It sent a shiver of fear through him, too. That mess nearly cost him his relationship with Jude and he realized that she meant more to him than he thought possible. He didn't ever want to lose her again.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "So sorry, Jude."

"I know. Me, too. I… I didn't handle that well at all, Tommy. I acted like a child and I was selfish."

"You had a right to be. I probably would have acted the same way, worse even," he said honestly. "I should have told you the truth."

"It doesn't matter anymore. We can't go back and change it. I've forgiven you, so please stop punishing yourself."

They didn't say anything else; they just laid there, content to be in each others' arms.

"So are we okay?" he asked quietly.

She smiled at him and kissed him. "I think we are. I love you," she said as she kissed him again.

"Ditto, Harrison."

She glared at him and pursed her lips together. "Ditto?"

"Like wise?" he asked, holding back a smirk. He knew she hated the word 'ditto'. He was just saying it to get under her skin. But he wasn't expecting her to pinch him on the side. "Ow! Okay, okay. I love you, too. Just maybe not your fingers at the moment."

She gave him a sly grin and ran her index finger down the middle of his chest. "You love my fingers," she said suggestively.

When her fingers traveled further down, he shut his eyes and felt a shiver of pleasure run down his spine. "I take it back. I totally love your fingers right now."

She started laughing and he sat up, kissing her on the neck before rolling them over. He stared down at her and smiled as he brushed a piece of hair out of her face. Tommy pressed his forehead against hers and their noses brushed.

"I love you, Jude. Always," he whispered.

She smiled and kissed him.

He pulled back and gazed at her intently. "So you really almost slept with Johnny?"

"Ugh!" She rolled her eyes and flopped back on the bed again while Tommy, once again, propped himself up on his elbow.

"What? Come on, Jude. It's a guy thing. We tend to get a little territorial."

"You're seriously asking me about Johnny right now?"

"Seriously."

Jude frowned and sighed. "Yes. I really almost slept with Johnny. What, do you think I'd lie about that?"

"No, of course not. I guess I'm just still trying to process that another man's hands were all over you," he finished grumpily.

"But your hands," she said as she took a hold of them, "are the only ones that really matter. We didn't go through with it, remember?"

"I know, but—"

"And no, you can't kick his ass, Tommy."

"But I didn't say anything about kicking his ass," he replied with a frown. Though, he'd been thinking about it. Punching him was something that was highly tempting at the moment.

"You didn't need to. Just let it go, please? It's over and done and I can assure you, it's something that won't happen again. Okay?" When he didn't say anything, she grew exasperated and grabbed his chin, turning his face to meet hers. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay," he said reluctantly.

He grudgingly smiled as she started nuzzling his neck and then started laughing when she whispered, "You're so easy, Quincy."

He pulled her in for another kiss and said against her lips, "Lucky for you." Seconds later, her tongue was sliding languorously against his lips and he opened his mouth, which she eagerly took advantage of. He grabbed her hand and linked their fingers together as they continued kissing. "I love you," he repeated once more.

She grinned and resumed the lip lock, intensifying things. When the need for air consumed them, he reluctantly pulled back. Jude smiled again and tightened the connection of their fingers. "I love you, too. Always," she whispered back.

Relief soared through him as he realized that maybe things were really okay. And he didn't ever want to forget this feeling.


Brief AN: Just so you all know, I wasn't a big fan of this chapter. I was undergoing a serious period of writer's block and had a very difficult time working through it. So I just wanted to apologize to you all if you thought it was craptastic and I totally wouldn't blame you for thinking that. I just hope it wasn't too horrible.