Chapter Twenty Eight:
I was only half listening as Nan questioned Eric. Part of me was too consumed with wondering what would end up happening to Eric, to all of us for that matter, while the other half of me couldn't stop thinking about what had occurred with Godric. I wondered if Eric could tell at all that Godric and I had been intimate. He hadn't shown any sign that he did, but then again, he's had his hands full the entire time he's been back. What would he do if he knew I was only seconds away from breaking the sex ban for Godric and not for him? I knew he would be livid. I remember how he acted when Godric and I were intimate the last time. He had stormed into the room, pulled me away and proceeded to have quick, but still quite pleasurable, sex with me. Could I call it jealousy? Or was he really just that possessive that he didn't want anyone else to have me but him? It wasn't like he was exactly treating me the greatest. Then again, I couldn't say any differently about Godric, now could I?
I could feel Godric's eyes on me and I knew he could feel my conflicted emotions. I tried my best to ignore his glances and focused back on what was occurring before me.
"Russell opposes the Great Revelation. He doesn't want to coexist with humans, he wants to subjugate them." Eric explained, contempt in his voice.
"The Authority will not..."
"Fuck the Authority!" Eric yelled suddenly, causing everyone to jump in surprise. "Russell's words. Repeat them.
There was a silence in the room that frightened the hell out of me. I was even too scared to breathe as I waited for someone to say something.
"This is why he killed the magister?" Nan questioned.
"No." Eric looked Nan directly in the eye. "He killed the magister because the magister defied him. He kidnapped Queen Sophie Anne because she refused him." I slipped my hand into Andre's at the mention of the Queen, squeezing it comfortingly. I knew Andre was distraught that he could not be with his maker, though he did everything he could not to show it. "Now if the Authority or the AVL stand in his way...well..."
I wasn't sure if I was relieved that Eric had nothing to do with the Magister's death, or scared that it wouldn't even matter to these Authority people, whoever they were.
"These are treasonous allegations. Why didn't you report this?
Eric sighed, his eyes dancing between the webcams and Nan. "Oh I should have. But the authority has existed for only a few hundred years. My history with Russell goes back nearly a thousand."
My eyes widened at this as I shifted to the edge of the seat. It was obvious back in New Orleans that Russell had done something to Eric, something that caused pain and anguish in the Viking. I hated that I didn't know, that I couldn't understand why he's done everything that he had in the last few days. He hadn't answered my questions on the issues the last time we had seen one another, and I was hoping I would finally get an answer now.
"My family was massacred. All of them."
The heart sunk at his words. I could see the sadness in his eyes, even from this distance, and wished I could walk over and give him a hug, even though he would only push me away.
"By wolves. I managed to kill one, and I watched him change into a man at the end of my sword." Eric's hand clenched. "And these wolves, they're the same. Sweden, Germany, here." His eyes moved to the webcam. "With all respect, I did not report Russell to you because I wanted him to die at my own hands. I have waited a thousand years for this."
It was all making sense now. He wanted revenge. That's why he killed Russell's lover and progeny. He wanted to make Russell feel the same pain that he had gone through when he watched his entire family killed savagely by werewolves. That's why he had stayed when we were at the palace and I begged him to come. He still had a job to do.
It was at that moment that I could feel Eric's emotions. I hadn't felt him at all since departing at the palace, and not once since he's been back. But now, it almost knocked me right off the chair. I could feel the sadness, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the desire for revenge. I had to close my eyes for a moment as I tried to make sense of it all. When I opened my eyes, I found Eric's blue orbs staring at me. I could only stare back, not knowing what else to do.
"Yes...yes I understand." Nan's voice brought me back to reality. "I'm flying immediately to Portland. Thank you."
Eric sat up. "What, is that it?"
"The Authority will review your statement against the, frankly strong, possibility that I've lost an entire night's worth of airtime promoting the VRA in order to listen to a bunch of bullshit." Nan sighed. "But some do believe in a fair hearing." She rolled her eyes. "Americans."
As Nan rose out of her chair, Eric did so as well.
"Ms. Flanagan, Russell is a threat to our very existence.
"But he is a king." She glared at him. "One that just donated a half a million dollars to the same American Vampire League you say he's trying to bring down. Weird, huh?"
Eric look defeated and I truly did want to give him one big long hug. I've never seen Eric in such a vulnerable place before.
"Bring in a couple of spare coffins for Sheriff Northman and his guests. You're on lockdown," Her eyes roamed over the room. "All of you, until the Authority makes its ruling."
Andre and I shared a look as Nan turned on her heel and walked towards the exit, guards flanking her sides. Eric stepped forward, as if he was about to attack, but was stopped by Godric's hand on his arm. Eric glanced down at his maker before over to Pam. As the door to the club closed, his eyes found mine before quickly looking away and making his way towards his office in a defeated nature. I went to go after him, but Andre stopped me.
"Give him some space for now, Ellie." Andre advised.
I sighed but nodded, knowing he was right. I let myself fall back onto the throne and watched as the officers brought in coffins for the vampires to sleep in. I looked around at the guards that had yet to move, and figured they were here to stay for however long it would take for the Authority to make its decision. I twisted my hands nervously, hoping to god that it would work out in our favour.
As the night came to an end, the vampires made their way into their coffins to rest. Eric and Pam were stashed away in his office while Godric and Andre were out on the main floor. I was left to myself, with the exception of the officers of course. I could feel their gazes on me every once in awhile and I tried to keep myself as far from them as possible. I had curled up in an uncomfortable position in one of the larger booths in the corner. I couldn't sleep a wink however, my mind still wheeling from all of the information that had been provided tonight. I felt so horrible for Eric, hating that he had to witness his family murdered and to live a thousand years with that pain. I couldn't begin to understand all that he's been going through.
The morning moved quickly, and by the time it was the afternoon, I just couldn't sit still anymore. I stood up from the booth and stretched, my back cracking and gaining the attention of the guards. I watched them out the corner of my eye as I crossed the room and slipped into the back hallway. There wasn't a guard directly outside of Eric's office, something I was surprised about. I stuck my ear to the door, wondering if both vampires were indeed resting in their coffins.
"Come in, Ellie. I don't like lingering."
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Eric's voice. I frowned as I opened the door and walked into the room, closing it behind me. I glanced at the coffin lying on the ground and guessed it was Pam's, while a second was leaned against a wall not being used. I turned towards the desk, and my stomach churned when I saw the blood dripping down his nose, as well as his ear.
"You should be sleeping, Eric." I spoke softly as I slowly made my way over to the desk and learned against the side of it.
"As should you." He didn't look up from the paperwork he was sorting through on his desk.
"Eric, you look terrible."
"I'm fine." He picked up a bloodied towel to wipe under his nose.
"No, you're really not." I crossed my arms. "There's no point in staying awake, Eric. We won't know anything until at least tonight. You might as well get a few hours of rest while you can."
Eric sighed as he raised his gaze up to meet mine. "I could say the same to you."
"You try sleeping on a very uncomfortable bench, it's not exactly comfortable." I shrugged. "But you're a vampire, you can sleep anywhere."
"I said I was fine." He repeated, turning his gaze elsewhere.
I fell silent as I just watched him. I could see the anguish in his eyes, and I wanted to find the perfect thing to say to him to make him feel better. But there wasn't anything in the world I could say to take away the last thousand years of pain. I suppose his maker wasn't the only one living with so much hurt.
"Why didn't you tell me that's why you had to stay?" I asked after a moment.
Eric tensed, and I knew he didn't want to talk about it. But I couldn't help it. I wanted to help the vampire, I wanted to understand everything that I was feeling coming from the Viking.
"I wished I knew."
"It was not your burden to bear." Eric spoke, his voice strained.
"But it was your burden. You don't deserve to bear that alone, Eric. Did Godric even know about what happened to your family?"
Eric sighed and leaned back in the chair. He knew I was stubborn and wouldn't let up on the subject, that was clear in the defeated stare he was now giving me.
"He knew that my family had been murdered. He however, did not know it was by wolves."
"And Pam?"
"She knew nothing." Eric glanced briefly at Pam's coffin.
"You should have told someone. You don't have to go through this alone, Eric. You have people who care about you." I wanted to reach out to him but I stopped myself.
"Enlighten me with who could possibly care about me?" he shook his head, his eyes narrowing.
"Godric. Pam." I listed off the obvious before inhaling sharply. "And...well me."
His eyes snapped up to me, and for a brief moment, I could see the shock on his face before he was able to mask the emotions.
"Surprised, I know. Why would I care about someone who is such an asshole to me? Believe me, I ask myself that every day." I admitted, inching around the desk until I was only a foot away from his chair. "But I do care, Eric. I care more than I possibly should. But I do, and I doubt that will change."
I couldn't read his expression, I couldn't tell if he was happy at my statement or not. I searched through his emotions, but found that I couldn't feel a single thing coming from the vampire.
"Why can't I feel anything from you?" I asked curiously? "How is it that I didn't when you first came back, but then suddenly could earlier? And now I can't again."
"I can block our bond if I choose to." He explained, his gaze moving away.
"Oh. So then you can't feel me when you do that?"
"No."
"Do you do it often? Close off our bond I mean?" I wondered, fidgeting with my hands.
"Last night was the first time." He answered, and by watching him closely, I could tell he was speaking the truth. "I needed to be able to think without worrying about you."
"Makes sense." I nodded, looking down. "So why are you doing it now?"
"I don't wish to know what you're feeling right now." He responded, once again, completely honest.
I looked up at him in surprise. He wouldn't look me in the eye and I began to wonder if I had done something to anger him.
"Eric?" I questioned
"Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?"
"Find out?" I raised an eyebrow.
He still wouldn't look at me as he reached down to the floor and picked up a discarded shirt. My face paled when I realized it was my shirt. My shirt that had been ripped by Godric while in the act.
"I could feel your arousal, feel your excitement. I knew of what you had been doing before finding this. This was merely proof." He tossed the ripped shirt at me, a look of anger crossing his face. "You may leave now."
My face fell. "Eric, it's not what you think."
"What I think is that I'd like you to get out of my office. Perhaps you should go find Godric, I'm sure he'll be happy to amuse you." He responded bitterly.
"Eric that's not fair."
"Life isn't fair, Ellie. That has been proven time and time again. Now leave. I don't have time for whores." He growled.
I could feel tears popping in my eyes at the insult. "You're an asshole, Eric."
"Would you really like me to share how I feel about you at the moment?"
I stood, shaking my head as I tried to force back the tears. "Say what you want, but I didn't..."
"I don't want to hear what you did and did not do." He held up a hand and waved me away.
I turned and made to walk towards the door. But something stopped me. I couldn't leave that office knowing Eric thought Godric and I had slept together. I couldn't bear to have Eric hate me for something that didn't occur. Yes, it almost did, but it ended up not happening. He needed to know that. So I spun back around, rubbed at my eyes quickly before placing my hands on my hips.
"I didn't sleep with him, Eric."
"I said get out."
"Think what you want, but we didn't end up having sex." I tried to make him believe. "We almost did, but we didn't."
"I asked you to get out nicely, Ellie. Don't make me force you."
"Stop being a jerk, Eric!" I threw my hands up in the air. "I didn't have sex with Godric!"
"And I'm just supposed to believe that?" He finally turned towards me, his eyebrow raised.
"Yes!"
"Somehow, Ellie, I just don't believe that." He snarled.
"He called out Kyra's name, you asshole!" I suddenly just blurted out. "Before anything could happen, he called me by his former love's name. Are you happy? We didn't have sex because your maker can't get over someone he loved 1400 years ago. We didn't have sex because the only reason he's ever cared about me is because I look like her."
The look on his face was expressionless and that just infuriated me even more. A tear slipped down my cheek as I angrily turned around, ready to just leave. I was shocked however, when a hand grabbed my wrist, stopping me from leaving. I didn't turn back around and just kept my back to the Viking as I tried to calm myself down.
"Don't worry, Eric, I haven't had sex with Godric, and I doubt I ever will." I muttered sadly. "I don't seem to be enough for anyone. I'm not enough for him and I'm...I'm never enough for you."
I used my free hand to wipe away the tears that were slowly beginning to escape, pleading with them silently to stop. I didn't want to cry in front of Eric. I didn't want to show him my weaker side.
"Don't do that. Don't cry." I felt a tugging at my wrist, pulling me backwards and towards him.
Before I knew it, I felt an arm around my waist, hoisting me up onto his lap. I was surprised at first, and struggled to get off. But he secured his arm around my waist, holding me against him tightly. I sighed and looked down at my lap, not wanting to look him in the eye. His hand moved up to my cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears as they fell. I felt him lean forward and shuddered as his tongue flicked out to lick at the salty tears.
"Stop it." he spoke softly. "I cannot deal with you crying."
I nodded and did my best to keep myself calm. I sniffed a few times before I felt the tears begin to dry up.
"I...I apologize." He spoke suddenly. "I'm not exactly in the greatest of moods."
"I-I know." I bit my bottom lip and snuck a glance up at him. "We didn't sleep together, Eric. You have to believe that."
He sighed but nodded. "I do."
I was glad, but wasn't sure what to say next. I went to look back down, but he clasped a finger under my chin and kept my head in place.
"You're mine, little one. I don't wish to ever share you." The finger trailed up my cheek, caressing the skin. "Not even with my maker."
"I'm not some possession, Eric. I'm a person." I reminded him.
"I understand that. But know, Ellie, that I'm a thousand year old vampire. I cannot control my urges. And with you...there are just so many."
I gulped at the look in his eyes, like he was willing to take me right then and there in his office, even if his progeny was sleeping in the coffin only a few feet away. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I was glad that Eric had closed off our bond for the time being.
`You should sleep, little one."
"So should you." I pointed out.
"I will survive. I do not want you to be uncomfortable, however." He tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me even closer.
I found my head falling on his shoulder on its own accord. One minute I wanted to rip his head off, and the next I was in his lap and wanting nothing more than to make love to him. Was this what love was supposed to be like? Was I supposed to both hate and love him?
"Sleep, Ellie. All will be well when you wake up." He ran a hand through my hair soothingly.
"That seems unlikely."
He chuckled. "Perhaps. But perhaps I'm also right."
"Maybe." I stated simply, my eyes slowly drooping. "I don't want to fall asleep."
"You're safe, little one." He assured, still running his hand through my hair, as if knowing the action made me sleepier. "Go to sleep."
"Do you care at all about me, Eric?" I asked suddenly, my eyes closed now.
Eric hesitated before responding. "In my own way."
"Will I ever be enough?"
"Go to sleep Ellie." His voice was soft.
"Will I?"
He spoke in another language under his breath and I knew I would never get an answer from the vampire, one that I understood that is.
"Sleep, little one." I felt him kiss the top of my head.
It wasn't long until I found myself drifting off, feeling safe in Eric's arms.
A/N: okay, so there was some mean Eric in there too, but it was inevitable. There was cuteness though at the end! I switched out the office scene with him and Pam so I could have Eric and Ellie talk. Eric was just so vulnerable and not himself during that scene (i swear it kinda makes me wanna cry whenever I watch it, so sad) so figured it would be a great time for Eric and Ellie to have some form of a heart to heart. this is all a product of staying up till like 5 in the morning because my stupid brain refused to let me sleep. so hopefully its not too horrible.
