Hi all, I really have no excuse for it taking such a long time between chapters so I am going to stop trying. And just apologize. But if you've been sticking with it. Thank you. You've been very patient and supportive. We're headed toward the thrilling conclusion now...a few more chapters.
Special thanks to my beta chisaii-kitty and to pepperminty rose for pre-reading!
Six months later…
Eric sat at the dining room table reading the paper for the third time that morning. Well, he was only reading two articles over and over again really. He could give a crap about everything else the paper contained.
The front page was taken up with a large picture of Earl Warren giving a speech. In this particular speech, he had boasted that he would clean up the entire Los Angeles area ridding the area of the diseases of gambling and prostitution. The photo next to it showed a raid on the largest of the gambling ships anchored in the harbor. It had been a three-day standoff, but eventually Warren's men had successfully taken the ship. Unfortunately, neither Ocella or Andre had been aboard. In fact, they seemed to have largely disappeared from the planet.
Warren was celebrating. It was a fantastic victory for the war against crime. To Eric, it meant less than nothing. The evidence he had provided had helped them track funds and tighten their grip around Ocella as they slowly cut-off his finances. He had given them layouts of the gambling ships and details on safe houses and still Ocella had slipped away like some mythical monster, disappearing into the night while his world crumbled. Eric had no illusions that he was gone. He'd simply gone to ground like a wounded animal. And he'd rise, crazed and angry just like said animal. Yes, for him, this victory was hollow.
And the back of the paper only made it worse. He had spent four long months without Sookie and now Hedda Hopper was speculating that a new romance was brewing over at Summerland Studios. He flipped to the back page and read it again:
What wildly successful on-loan actress is stirring things up at Summerland? And not just with her new film. Could SS and PP have more in common than just alliteration?
Ridiculous. Idiotic. It was not true. Hedda Hopper was a fucking moron. He'd always hated her. He tossed the paper down the table and watched it slide along the polished mahogany.
Pam swung open the door and entered with a coffee cup. She paused and watched the paper slide a long the table. "I'm not polishing that and there are only two servants left since you gave all our money to Earl Warren."
He was not in the mood to have this argument again. "I didn't give all our money to Earl Warren. He's frozen some of my money. Some of it." He took a sip of coffee and glared at Pam over the rim of the cup. He wasn't really annoyed with her, but he did enjoy goading her.
"So we fired the servants because…" She poured her own coffee like it was a tremendous chore.
Eric rolled her eyes. They'd fired some servants. Chow had stayed and the cook that had been with them since they were children. The Santa Barbara staff were all still in place because no one was looking at Santa Barbara.
"Appearances." He finished his coffee and stood. It was well after eight in the morning and he needed to get to the studio. These last few months, since the pirate movie had wrapped, it had been hard to motivate to go there every day. He dropped a kiss on the top of Pam's head and started out the door of the dining room.
"I won't be available for lunch today." Pam said to her breakfast plate.
Eric turned and looked at her trying to remember the last time he had lunch with Pam and wondering why she might think they had an engagement. He usually ate at his desk. He couldn't stand the commissary and he couldn't be bothered going off the lot for lunch. It took too long. He turned and quirked an eyebrow at her, but she was still looking at her plate. Apparently, her grapefruit was fascinating this morning.
"I'm meeting Sookie to decide on a dress for the pirate premiere." Pam snickered as she said it. She loved calling their movie the pirate premiere. It made her laugh every time.
Eric felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room. He had been staying away from Sookie since the pirate movie had wrapped and she had gone to Summerland. Just as he said he would. There had been notes, some phone calls, but no public appearances, no visits. It was killing him.
He wanted her safe while the task force did its work, but the separation left him with an ache in his chest that he wouldn't have been able to identify if his scripts weren't full of romantic claptrap. His years of playing a romantic hero, gave him the idea that what he was feeling was loneliness, possibly even heartbreak. Frankly, he wished he couldn't identify it. He'd spent years in virtual isolation, cut-off from the majority of normal relationships and had never felt this underlying ache that now seemed to be a part of his day. It was god-awful. He didn't understand how people functioned like this, let alone ran around celebrating it. This is what poets wrote about? Personally, he couldn't wait to get rid of it.
He gave Pam a long appraising look. "We're dressing her?" It came out an octave higher than he had ever heard his voice and he cleared his throat. Pam smirked at her grapefruit, which he was no considering throwing across the room.
"Of course we're dressing her," Pam snapped looking a little irritated. "She's still our property."
The comment made him feel happier than he had in weeks. She was their property. Now, still, always – unless she demanded to be let out of her contract, but he didn't think that was likely. He would do what he could to keep her from wanting out of it.
"Yes, that's a good point. You'll have her looking like it? Like she's ours."
Pam turned to him. "What does that look like exactly? Perhaps I can buy her a sash that say's 'Eric Northman's, not Preston Pardloe's.' Do you think that would clear things up?"
She was right. It had been a stupid thing to say. Without much to say in return, he simply glared at her. "Fine then, Pam." He turned and again started to leave, but stopped at the door.
"Is she? Do you think?" He didn't look back at Pam. He couldn't stand to see her pity or her amusement, which was why he hadn't turned around. He doubted she could be looking at him any other way.
There were more beats of silence than he was comfortable with and so he simply began walking away. "I don't think she knows what to think, Eric. She knows you've been helping Warren. She knows you want her to be safe. She's loved every letter I've given her, poured over each one like the tablets from Mount Sinai. But it's been a long time. And, I think it's starting to feel like a long time to her."
"I can't help the government's moving at a glacially slow pace, Pam." He risked glancing over his shoulder at his sister, who was giving him a hard look in return. Not pitying as he had expected, but more judgmental. Wonderful.
"No, but she can't help that she's starting to feel very alone. And Niall Brigant and everyone at Summerland is so very accommodating. And Preston is so attentive. You might need to try harder."
He rounded on his sister. "Try harder! I'm moving mountains. I'm bringing down a fucking crime empire. Hurting my business. Curtailing my own wealth! What more can I do?"
Pam arched an eyebrow at him. "Maybe something that she can see. She can't read your mind. A love letter perhaps? Most of your notes have been more on the information-oriented side. I know she said she wanted information, but that's when you were whispering words of love in her ear non-stop. Possibly, you've gone too far in the opposite direction?"
Eric turned and stormed from the dining room mumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously to Pam like, "fucking women." However, she never heard the door open or shut.
He was back a moment later and thrust a piece of monogrammed stationary at Pam. She took the piece of paper and smiled. "Have a nice day."
Eric growled at her and strode from the room.
Alone in the dining room, Pam unfolded the creased card stock.
Looking forward to the premiere. I miss you. Until then.
It wasn't Shakespeare, but it wasn't awful. It was probably enough. Pam had seen Sookie at least once a week since she had gone to Summerland. Every time they met she could tell that Sookie was waiting, hoping, for some word. Her tense posture when Pam arrived and the deflated look she would get after they spoke for a few minutes when Pam didn't produce a letter. The look of joy Sookie would get when she did. And it had been weeks since the last one.
Pam knew that Eric was discouraged. She knew he had been allowing himself to be slowly drawn back into Ocella's circle since the "break-up" with Susannah Stanton. She knew that is was hard on him. But Eric had years of experience at this game. Sookie was a virtual newcomer and it was clearly testing her nerves. Pam wondered if Eric truly appreciated the strength of what he was asking.
She had considered approaching Eric to discuss how all of this was affecting Sookie. Pam knew that the time made no difference to him. He would love Sookie even if he never spoke to her again. He would love her even if his life went on without her. But Sookie, was an open and loving person. It wasn't that she was fickle; she was simply more open to love. She could connect with people in a way that Eric did not. If he left her alone, someone would work to fill the void. And Preston had been working so very hard to fill the void.
Pam looked at the note again and contemplated improving it, but discarded the thought. It wasn't that she was morally against the idea of lying to both of them for their own good; she simply knew she'd be caught. She sighed and tapped the edge of her china cup with her spoon. Thankfully, they would see each other tomorrow night. So much angst. If she had to tolerate much more of it, she'd simply get a gun and shoot Ocella herself. Of course, that would ruin her career, so she hoped to avoid that step.
-888-
Sookie sat in front of her dressing room mirror just staring at herself. She thought she looked sad. Not that she had any reason to feel sad. Despite the Depression, Americans loved to go to the movies and she was being well-received to say the least. This film with Eric was receiving even more publicity than the last one. Everyone thought it would be an enormous success.
Unfortunately, she could barely stand to discuss it. Oh, she managed to hold herself together for interviews, but last night she'd gone to Jason's club with a group of friends from Summerland and Sam had asked her whether or not she was excited about the premiere and she'd started to cry. She'd had to excuse herself to the ladies room and had sat on a toilet sobbing into a wad of toilet paper for ten minutes. It had been hell to repair her face when she was done. It had nothing to do with the movie of course, but how Sam had asked, "Your new movie with Eric…" As if there was anything with Eric anymore.
She thought back to their last days filming this movie together frequently. Too often in fact. Their romance had progressed so quickly in the beginning, but during the pirate movie, she felt as though she came to know Eric in a new way. They worked. They chatted. They had lunch, not every day, but occasionally. She realized how much she liked him.
And he encouraged her to take the deal with Summerland. It was an excellent deal. Good for her career and her health, he would always point out. Because that was always the looming threat, Ocella. He needed to see it as over between Eric and Sookie.
Sookie stared at Eric. His eyes were pleading as he looked at her. It was late and most everyone had gone. He'd knocked quietly and slipped in before she had even answered. He hadn't wanted to risk coming to her house, he'd explained. Tails could only be eluded so often. It didn't make sense to push your luck. But here in the studio, there might be eyes, but they weren't following them about.
"Sookie, this isn't what I want."
"You want to have a fake public break-up before I go?" she repeated just to hear the words come out of her own mouth. "I thought we were already…you know." She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.
"We are," Eric paused suddenly feeling very uncertain of the entire plan. "That is what you wanted, wasn't it? You can't trust me. I'm earning your trust. It's over between us unless you say differently. That is what I was given to understand."
Sookie nodded. "Yes."
She frowned because she had meant it as an emphatic statement and it came out like a question. He quirked an eyebrow at her and she repeated her response in a stronger voice, "Yes."
His wry raising of the eyebrow was only habitual. He'd felt something in his chest leap at the idea that Sookie was uncertain of the break-up. If he thought they stood a chance, he would have told Earl Warren to go fuck himself and taken Sookie and moved to Paris, London, anywhere. But where would be truly safe?
He didn't voice any of these thoughts, but instead continued to stare at her as she shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.
"So you want us to confirm the speculation that there is 'trouble in paradise' by having a big public fight and ending things just before I make my move to Summerland. To keep me safe." A tiny crease appeared between Sookie's eyebrows when she said 'trouble in paradise.' She'd been quoting from a recent gossip column that commented on the fact that they had rarely been seen in each others' company over the last several weeks. Eric wanted to kiss the crease away. He hated this idea as much as he believed it was the right thing to do.
Sookie wished she had something intelligent to say. But she couldn't think of a thing. She wanted to cling to him, like she had in an earlier scene and beg him not to make her do this. She could actually picture herself clinging melodramatically to his biceps while she wept into his chest. At the same time, she also had visions of beaning him with her shoe and telling him (also melodramatically) not to darken her doorstep again, although there was no actual step into her dressing room. Instead, she simply stood opening and closing her mouth and imagining that she looked a lot like one of the tropical fish she'd seen at Gladstone's when he had taken her there. Those fish had been lovely.
"Sookie? What do you think?" She looked at him as he called her back to the present.
"Well, we're already…I mean as you said…it's already over."
He took a step closer as his demeanor changed from contrite and cautious to possessive. "I thought it was on hold. And this isn't ending things…its acting. More acting." He frowned. The idea of more acting suddenly seemed very tiresome.
She shook her head. "Eric, you're either sending me away or you aren't. You can't have it both ways."
He stopped and cocked his head at her. It was on the tip of his tongue to demand why not, but of course, he knew the answer. He just didn't like it. "You're right of course."
He took a step backward, but with the way he was looking at her Sookie wondered why he bothered. He was staring at her like he wanted to devour her alive. She swallowed and hoped it wasn't noticeable. She felt like it was, but figured it was just her imagination. Her heart was pounding like a rabbit's and she thanked god he couldn't hear it.
"Sookie," he said softly. "Nothing has changed for me. Just like I told you at the beginning. I can wait. I'll wait for all of this to be over. I'll wait for you to trust me. I've never waited for any woman, but I can wait for you. If you can't wait for me I understand that." He'd understand it. Whether or not he'd put up with it was a different story.
Now it was Sookie's turn to raise an eyebrow at him. "You mean to tell me if I find some other guy that I love that doesn't get me involved in some war between crime families, you're going to simply sit back and give me your blessing."
Eric chuckled and although Sookie had always loved his laughter, she wasn't too certain about this sound. It made her afraid for the hypothetical boyfriend. "I never said that."
He advanced on her slightly. Cautiously. "Although I suppose that if you could prove to me that he could care for you the way I do. Love you as I do."
He was definitely closer now. Sookie had found herself retreating until she bumped into the divan that she kept in there for naps. "And if he could?"
He moved closer yet again and she became incredibly aware of the empty space between them. If she simply slid her toes forward they would be touching, pressed together. She didn't move.
"If he could? Perhaps, I might be willing to give you up. If you could tell me that he was everything you wanted."
She looked up at him. Close as he was she had to tip her head back, "You think you're everything I want?"
He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I will be. When all this is over and we have time together. I will be."
She felt his lips ghost her ear and she shivered and bit her lip hard.
He turned away from her and began to walk away. He would be everything she wanted once he had destroyed Ocella, but for now, his priority was to keep her living until then.
Despite herself, Sookie could not stand to watch him walk away from her like that. Not when he had been so close to her. She reached out and grabbed his arm, "Eric…"
He turned toward her and brought his mouth down onto hers.
"Sookie…"
Only he hadn't said Sookie. He'd been too busy doing other things. She shook her head.
"Sookie?"
She looked up into her mirror and saw Preston's smiling face peering around her dressing room door. She smiled at him although it looked forced. She could see that in the mirror.
"I knocked."
"Sorry, just thinking about tomorrow."
He nodded sympathetically. "Worried about tomorrow? How it will all go?"
She smiled brightly, "Oh, I'm sure everyone will love the movie."
He shook his head and gave her a small smile. "That's not what I meant."
As if Sookie hadn't known that. Anyone who knew her knew that every day closer they came to the premiere, she came closer to jumping out of her skin. She was longing to see Eric and at the same time terrified. It felt like it had been so long. Letters had been occasional throughout all of this and it seemed there was so little to say. No real change. No real progress.
And then even worse, her hopes had been raised that resolution was coming only to be dashed completely when Ocella slipped through the task force's fingers. She hadn't even heard it from Eric. She'd read it in the god damn paper. She'd known he must be distraught and she couldn't even go to him. And if she could, what was there to say. Thank you for taking on something so dangerous just so we might be able to be together. Not that I've seen you for months. It was all such a giant mess.
And Preston was talking again. Talking about picking her up and her dress. And what they would say about their upcoming movie. It had all felt so much more engaging when she'd been having these conversations with Eric. She smiled politely and nodded. After all, it would be a big night for him. He was up-and-coming and he would be there on her arm. For her, it felt old hat. For someone who was not yet twenty, she felt very old.
"Sookie," he called her attention back to the conversation yet again. "What do you think?"
She had no idea. And she didn't think it was the kind of question she could smile her way through. "I'm sorry, Preston. I must be tired. What do I think about what?"
"The party at Mr. Brigant's house afterward. You'll want to go."
She shrugged. "I suppose so. I mean, I suppose I have to, don't I. Although it's a Northman Picture so maybe…I'll have to ask Mr. Cataliades what's right to do."
Preston was frowning. "Sookie, I meant did you want to go with me to the party. Not were you going to the party."
She looked at him in surprise. "Oh…oh. Preston…"
His frown deepened. "Sookie, it's been six months. I know the studio has been pushing us publicly, but I'd like to explore us privately." Catching his own reflection in the mirror, he forced himself to smile and reached out placing his hand on hers. "I know you care for me, Sookie."
Sookie's own smile faltered. "Preston, I…" She withdrew her hand slowly, gently. She liked him. She wouldn't have said she cared for him. She hadn't taken the time to get to know him. He was certainly nice to look at, but this was Hollywood, most people were nice to look at. It didn't mean much. The last time she'd had a man in her dressing room it had all been so very different.
"Eric…" His name had tumbled out before she could stop it and she was pulling on his arm. This was not what she wanted. She didn't want a public break-up. She wanted them to work out their issues, alone. Without anyone watching. Not fans. Not Ocella. But she wasn't going to get that.
He was telling her to go. Telling her to be safe. That this was the best option for both of them, to wait and hope. She hadn't needed to pull hard at his arm for him to turn and crush her to him. His hands had threaded through her hair and his mouth had come down on hers. Demanding, so demanding. But he wasn't alone in that. She had demands of her own.
It had been fast and urgent. And it had not been nearly enough. She had lain on top of him listening to his heart still hammering in his chest. She had closed her eyes and whispered. "I hate this."
He had snorted. "Not this this I hope."
She'd looked up at him and snorted in return. "Obviously not this. This is not a problem for us. It never has been."
He sighed. He had nothing to say. Love was not a problem. Neither was passion. But there were other problems. Their relationship did not exist in a vacuum, but in a dangerous, political world that operated with its own set of rules.
"I'll do everything I can to end this. To end him. I want this over."
Sookie reached up and brushed some hair from his eyes. It had fallen forward at some point. She simply nodded. "I know." Because she did know. She believed him. She understood. She just wasn't really certain that she could live like this, but she was willing to try.
Preston was looking at her expectantly. Waiting for an answer. "It's a big night," he pressed. "It's important for your career to do the party circuit."
Sookie nodded absently and glanced at the clock. She was meeting Pam at Chanel in an hour. "You're right, Preston. We'll do the party thing. I need to go. I'm picking a dress for tomorrow night."
Preston smiled brightly and stood. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. It was a touch familiar, as Sookie wouldn't have said they were that friendly, but Sookie couldn't say that she didn't appreciate the contact. She was so very lonely lately.
-888-
Pam drummed her fingers impatiently on a table in a private room that had been arranged. She had come early and tried on the dress they had prepared for her. Now she was just waiting on Sookie. Lunch was being brought in.
Sookie rushed in as if she were being chased. Apologizing to Pam and, lord help them, to the staff for running behind. When she finally sat Pam simply stared at her until her breathing seemed to have slowed to a normal rate. Really, this was no way for a famous actress to behave, a famous anything really. Sookie was always so…outside the box.
"What kept you?"
Sookie took a sip of her ice tea and made a face before pouring in a terrifying amount of sugar. She smiled at Pam. "Preston was going on and on about Niall's party. I totally lost track of time."
Pam raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "You're going to Niall's party afterward?" Interesting, Pam thought. And interesting that she was going with Preston. He was a Summerland property. He'd only been on loan at Northman. She had to assume that they were making a play to keep Sookie at Summerland or at least make her consider staying. Well, two could play at that game.
Pam smiled in return and reached into her handbag to hand Sookie Eric's note. Although hearing about Preston, she wondered if perhaps she should have forced Eric to write more than a hastily scrawled note that didn't even include the words "I love you."
She handed the note to Sookie, who devoured the three lines as she had every other note he had sent. She looked at Pam as if hoping for some additional message. "I saw the paper. Is he…he must be very upset."
Pam pursed her lips. She didn't like to give Sookie anything other than strictly factual information, but in this case, she felt it was deserved. "I believe he hoped that tomorrow night would be a reunion instead of this ongoing charade."
A tear slid down Sookie's cheek before she could stop it. She hastily wiped it away with a gloved hand. After all, Chanel's sales staff was waiting and she couldn't be crying in front of them. She gave Pam a brave smile and Pam patted her hand gently. "Soon."
Sookie sniffled and looked away. She didn't say anything in return though.
