A/N: not too much of a delay on this one: I know a lot of you were eager to find out how Regina's surgery went so I suppose we'll get straight to it!
Emma sat on the edge of her chair, leaning forwards and clasping Regina's hand in her own. The brunette herself was lying back in her bed, flicking through a magazine with her remaining hand. She knew Emma was staring at her but said nothing. She'd already reassured the younger woman as much as she could but she knew hr girlfriend was still worried. Petrified, in fact. She knew of Emma's difficult start in life and thought perhaps the fear about the operation was linked to that early trauma in a hospital but she hoped the blonde trusted her just a little when she told her everything was going to be fine.
Cora returned to the room with a cup of coffee for Emma. Regina wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything so close to the operation and looked longingly at the creamy brown liquid, not caring that the quality was doubtless terrible. Her mother perched on the end of the bed, patted her leg, and launched into a story about the nurse she had met in the canteen who had been working for twelve hours straight.
"I mean, it's just appalling," Cora scoffed. "These lovely young women rush around doing all the jobs doctors don't want to do because they consider themselves superior and yet they get treated like shit. I do hope Doctor Whale is nicer to his staff."
"I'd like to think I am," the aforementioned doctor said as he strolled into Regina's private room, a grin on his face and a nurse nodding in affirmation behind him.
Cora didn't even blush. She just looked stoically up at him. Emma jumped to his feet and moved aside, still holding Regina's hand, as Whale approached the bed and the nurse set about checking Regina's vitals.
"How are we feeling?" he asked Regina.
"Hungry," the brunette said simply. "And bored."
Whale chuckled. "We'll be taking you up in about fifteen minutes and you'll be feeling absolutely nothing for about six hours. Do you have any last minute questions for me?"
Regina shook her head so Whale glanced at Emma and Cora who also had nothing to ask. Although Emma was worried, she didn't have any doubts about what was going to happen. She was just nervous about the fact that Regina would be undergoing surgery and the difficult weeks that would follow.
"Right," Whale smiled. "Well, I'll leave you guys alone for a bit and then we'll come back and take you up to the surgery."
Regina thanked him, Whale nodded and smiled at both Emma and Cora before leaving the room. Regina glanced at her mother who nodded her understanding and slid from the bed and walked quietly out into the corridor.
"I'll be waiting right here when you come back," Emma said quietly as soon as they were alone. "Right here, Gina."
"I know you will, Emma," Regina assured. "And I'll be coming back to you, I promise."
Emma took Regina's hand in her own again and kissed it softly. "You know I support you, right?" she mumbled against the soft skin. "I know I've been pessimistic about the operation and I'm scared shitless about the fact that you're having surgery and that the recovery process can be difficult, but I support your choice to do this, Regina. I know it's right for you and I know it's what you want so I am behind you one hundred per cent, ok?"
"Thank you," Regina said, eyes shimmering slightly with emotion. "That means a lot. I … well, sometimes I thought maybe you weren't supportive of my choice simply because you were so afraid of hospitals. I've always known you've accepted me as a woman even in this body, but I thought perhaps you were like Zelena and wanted me just to live with this penis."
"Never," Emma said firmly. "I know this is what you want and need to become the person you were always supposed to be. From the day I found out about this surgery I've wanted to support you. I just didn't know at the time how I'd come to feel about you and how emotionally invested I was in the outcome being as positive and easy as possible. I trust Whale though and I'm sure he knows what he's doing. I just … know that whatever happens, today or next week or next month, however all of this works out, know that I love you."
"I love you too," Regina said, sitting up and pulling Emma into her arms.
Emma held her tightly, biting back the tears as she felt the slender frame before her trembling slightly. It was Regina who was undergoing surgery, not her. She had to be the strong one. With a final, lingering, loving kiss, salty from Regina's tears on her lips, Emma pulled back and left the room to find Cora, knowing mother and daughter also needed a moment alone.
As she entered the corridor, Emma spotted Cora chatting to Zelena. She hadn't known Regina's sister was coming but she supposed it made sense. After all, Regina should have her family around her at this time. Cora and Zelena spotted Emma and made their way down towards her. Emma stood aside and let the two women through to Regina's room. She then headed off to find some more bad coffee, not wanting to be tempted to eavesdrop nor be there when Regina got wheeled out. They'd said all they needed to say.
"Hey," Regina grinned as she saw your sister. "I thought you were working today."
"I have a patient receiving treatment here at the moment," Zelena said. "I figured while I was here checking on Mrs Whitley I'd pop down and wish my little sister the best of luck."
"Thanks," Regina said, reaching out to encourage her sister to move closer.
Cora and Zelena sat either side of Regina's bed, both taking a hand in their own. Regina smiled at each of them, sighing contentedly at the presence of her family.
"It's time," she said softly. "I've been waiting long enough for this day. I just want to be in the right body."
"We know," Zelena assured her. "We know, Gina."
"I'm so proud of you, honey," Cora added. "You've been so strong and so patient for all these years. You knew something felt wrong and instead of conforming to society you stood up for yourself and you've gone after what you know will make you happy. And as well as that strength, you met Emma in the process. I'm so proud of the fact that you were open to a relationship with her before this operation. To be honest, I wasn't expecting that."
"Nor was I," Regina admitted. "And it took me a long time to realise that what I felt for Emma was stronger than my fears of what might happen once we got together. I took a risk, I suppose, and I've never been happier."
"She's good for you," Zelena said. "I might have been surprised when I first met her and I'm sorry for the way I acted. I'm just protective, I suppose."
"Understatement," Regina chuckled. "Both of you."
"Yes, but I was always nice to Emma," Cora pointed out. "Because right from the start I could tell the two of you had something special."
Regina laughed. It was true; her mother had been nothing but supportive right from the moment Emma entered their lives. Ok, perhaps she wasn't too keen on the idea of Regina going to meet the woman who had inherited her late-ex-husband's estate but as soon as Emma had agreed to help, Cora knew the blonde was going to be good for her daughter. And not just because she could finance the operation Cora herself couldn't.
"Thanks to both of you," Regina said quietly. "I don't know how I'd have got through the last fifteen years without your support."
"We'll always be here for you," Cora said. "Our support won't stop the moment you come out of that operating theatre. We all know you're going to have a long recovery process and we'll be right beside you every step of the way. Emma too."
"I know," Regina smiled. "Thank you."
Just then Doctor Whale appeared in the doorway with two nurses.
"Ready?" he asked, nodding at Zelena whom he knew professionally.
"Yep," Regina said with a grin.
Cora and Zelena both placed kisses on Regina's cheeks before standing back allowing the nurses to wheel the bed from the room. In the corridor, Regina glanced around for Emma but was unsurprised when she didn't see her. She knew her girlfriend had wanted their time together in her room to be their goodbye. So she settled back against her pillows and waited patiently as the nurses pushed her down the corridor and towards the operating room.
Emma glanced up at the clock for the millionth time. The seconds seemed to be creeping past slower than ever and she huffed in frustration when she noted Regina had been in surgery a mere three hours. If everything went to plan, there was still another two hours to wait before Whale would have finished. She stood up and wandered down the corridor, staring out of the window at the far end without seeing the Chicago street beyond. Cora watched from her own chair, worried herself but also sympathetic to Emma's evident inner turmoil. Placing her magazine on the seat beside her own, Cora got up and joined Emma.
"She'll be fine," the older Mills said softly, elbows resting beside Emma's. "My daughter is the strongest person I know. She's going to come sailing through this and be recovering at home with you in no time."
"I know," Emma said quietly. "It's just … hard. The waiting, you know?"
Cora nodded. She did know. Realistically, she'd been waiting for over a decade for this day but she agreed that the last few hours had been painful.
"You know when Regina first told me she was considering surgery I didn't want her to do it," Cora said, the admittance surprising herself as well as Emma. "I never told her that, of course. I was always positive about the idea because I wanted to support whatever Regina wanted. But it scared me. Thinking of my beautiful child being cut into and the difficult recovery process which followed."
"But now you're on board?" Emma asked, turning towards Cora.
"Yes," she nodded. "I did a lot of research about the surgery. I spoke to Doctor Whale several times and I also had a couple of appointments with Regina's therapist. Over the years I learnt more about what the operation entailed, its success rate and also the psychology behind why Regina wants it done. I know Zelena always argued that Regina was living as a woman already and so therefore surgery was unnecessary but I disagree. She truly believes she was born in the wrong body and I do too. Now science offers us a chance to correct that, why not take it?"
"I agree," Emma nodded. "And I know the risks are low. But they're still risks. I'm still scared shitless right now."
Cora couldn't help but laugh. "Me too," she said. "But Whale is an excellent surgeon and I trust him implicitly. As does Regina. And we both trust her decision, right?"
"Of course," Emma said. "I was always supportive, right from the start."
Cora cocked her head to one side, wondering whether to ask the next question and how angry her daughter would be when she found out about their conversation.
"And it didn't bother you once the two of you began a physical relationship?"
Emma whipped her head around, cheeks flushed. Did Cora really just ask Emma whether she'd miss Regina's penis when it came to sex? Judging by the slightly shocked look on the brunette's face, she was a little surprised herself that the question had escaped her lips. Evidently the presence of the blonde turned off Cora's internal filter. Emma swallowed before answering.
"I love your daughter for who she is, not her body," Emma said simply. "I'm not going to deny that this operation is going to change the way we … yeah, anyway, but that's not why I'm with her. I've dated men and women before and I've enjoyed physical relationships with both. I have no worries about Regina and I getting back to a new normality once she's recovered."
Cora nodded once and gave a small smile. "Good," she said. "Coffee? I'm going to get another cup."
With four of the five hours scheduled for Regina's operation passed, Emma and Cora returned to Regina's private room where the chairs were more comfortable. Cora had turned on the television but Emma was too distracted to pay attention to the talk show currently airing. Her mind kept flitting to the worst possible scenarios and she had to keep biting back tears. She knew it was stupid; Regina was strong, Whale was a good doctor, the two of them were prepared for the aftercare. But she was still scared. That fear was probably why she snapped when a tall, ginger-haired man knocked on the door and pushed it open.
"This is a private room, get out," Emma all but snarled, narrowing her eyes at the timid looking man.
"Emma, this is Doctor Archie Hopper," Cora said, switching off the television. "Regina's therapist."
"Oh," Emma said, slumping back in her chair. "Right, sorry."
"No problem," Archie said, his voice soft and reassuring. "I understand this is a stressful time for everyone involved."
Emma nodded and looked away without answering. Archie glanced at Cora who subtly shook her head and offered Archie a seat beside herself. The two of them began talking in low voices about how the therapist intended to help Regina over the next few weeks and months in terms of the psychological impact her sex change would have on her. Emma realised the two of them hadn't really talked about that aspect of it - they'd been too focused on the physical side. But of course it was going to be a big change in terms of the way Regina thought and felt about her own body. A good change, of course. But a change none-the-less. Emma pulled out her phone and began googling psychology articles about male to female gender reassignment surgery.
Five and a half hours after Regina had been wheeled out, a familiar-looking nurse appeared at the door to Regina's room. Cora, Emma and Archie all sprang to her feet.
"It went great," the nurse said at once. "Doctor Whale is just changing out of his scrubs and then he'll be in to talk to you. Regina's in recovery and we'll be bringing her down in about an hour."
Emma let out a little moan of relief and collapsed into the chair. Cora and Archie thanked the nurse and embraced one another. Cora then immediately pulled out her cell phone to let Zelena know the surgery had been a success. Emma simply closed her eyes, her heart rate slowing for the first time since they had entered the hospital that morning. The first part was over. Regina had got through the operation. Now they just needed to work together to make sure her recovery went as smoothly as possible.
When Doctor Whale arrived a few minutes later, Emma barely heard any of what he said about the operation. She gathered that he was very pleased with the successful creation of the neo-vagina and that after using a small amount of scrotal skin he had been able to make the labia too. As for the functionality of the clitoris, they would have to wait and see. As soon as Whale had gone, Emma went to wait in the corridor, unable to bear not seeing Regina for even a moment less than as soon as she returned. She stared, barely blinking, at the swinging doors at the end of the corridor, refusing Cora's offer of a coffee and Archie's of a sandwich. Eventually, two nurses backed into the hallway, pulling the familiar figure.
"Gina!" Emma cried, jumping up and sprinting down the corridor.
The woman looked smaller lying under the hospital blankets, her hair flat and skin pale. Emma realised as she approached that Regina was asleep, presumably still under the lingering effects of the anaesthetic. She walked alongside the bed however as the nurses returned the woman to her room and as soon as she was in place, Emma took her seat and laced her fingers with Regina's.
"She'll be coming round soon," one of the nurses said as she checked the various machines were set up correctly. "If you need anything, just press this red button."
Cora thanked the nurse and moved to Regina's other side, smiling down at her sleeping daughter and placing a kiss to her forehead. "Welcome back," she whispered.
Both women settled beside the bed, doing nothing but watching Regina's face for any sign of her waking up. Archie excused himself, suggesting he came back in a couple of hours once Regina was awake and they'd all had a chance to talk.
It was forty minutes later and Emma was busy counting the faint freckles the summer sun had brought out on Regina's nose when dark lashes fluttered open.
"Gina," Emma breathed, leaning forwards at once as the hazy eyes blinked slowly open. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
"Tired," croaked back the dozy woman, her brain struggling to compute where she was. "And thirsty."
Emma jumped up and poured some water into a cup at the end of the bed just as Cora squeezed Regina's hand and the brunette turned her head towards her mother.
"Ma," she whispered. "Hi."
"Hello my beautiful daughter," Cora said, eyes filling with tears, "I'm so pleased to see you awake. Doctor Whale said the operation went really well. He's coming in soon to speak with you."
Regina smiled weakly and turned back to Emma who was holding out the straw. She took a sip, her parched throat raw and she winced as she swallowed.
"Thanks," she said as Emma sat back down. "You look awful."
Emma couldn't help but laugh, relieved to have her Regina back once more, the sassy woman she loved with all her heart still very much alive.
"Well worrying for six hours straight will do that to you. Plus the coffee here tastes like battery acid and I think the five cups of it your mother forced me to drink have aged me significantly," Emma said with a wink at Cora. "You don't look so hot yourself by the way, babe," she added, turning back to Regina."
Regina grinned weakly. "I feel great though."
"Really?" Emma asked. "I mean, aren't you in any pain?"
"I'm drugged up to my eyeballs, Emma," Regina pointed out. "I can barely feel anything. But in my mind I feel good. It's like my brain already knows that everything's ok now."
Emma smiled. "I'm so glad," she said, kissing Regina's hand softly. "So, so glad, honey."
"Me too," Cora said. "And Archie is here if you want to talk to him later. He's waiting outside."
Regina remembered her therapist saying he would come to visit her as soon as the operation had happened. She had assured him that she wouldn't need any more counselling and that once her 'spare appendage' had been removed she would finally be happy with her body. And as she lay in the soft hospital bed, Emma on one side of her and Cora on the other, she knew that to be true. She was no longer trapped in a body that wasn't her own. She was no longer struggling with her identity. For the first time in twenty six years, Regina Mills was comfortable in her own skin.
A/N: before anyone comments about psychological inaccuracies, despite Regina's words, we are going to see Archie again in future chapters. Anyway, thoughts on this piece?
