DAY TWENTY-SEVEN, WORD TWENTY-SEVEN: LOST AND FOUND


I stared at myself in the mirror, my palms against the sink.

…I don't think I could get used to this, even if it was just for several weeks.

"Cadet."

I sighed. "I'm coming… Let me go put on a hat first." Garuru watched me amusedly as I hastily slipped a red one on. "It rained last night, and it's pretty cloudy and windy. Again, I don't think you should worry too much about the dryness today."

"That's fortunate."

"Yeah, it is." I paused, and then kneeled down to look at something that was sticking randomly out of my bed (I typically stuff things down there subconsciously… when I lose something, it's sometimes the go-to place to look). "Oh. Hey, Lieutenant! I found it!"

"Found… what?" Garuru asked me, tilting his head slightly.

"The letter," I said as I pulled it out. "Wow. It's still in really good condition, too."

"From the Chief Medic?"

"Yeah, it is." I handed it to him, and he curiously took it. "You should probably read it now, since we're going to go see them in a bit anyway."

Garuru nodded and carefully ripped the side of the envelope, tugging a few sheets of paper out. He placed the envelope on my bed and unfolded the sheets of paper, taking a moment to read its content. He was silent as he went through them, and I waited patiently, looking at the mirror and turning side to side to make sure it wasn't visible.

"…Let's go," Garuru said finally, folding the letter and tucking it back in its envelope.

"What was it for?" I inquired.

"..Business affairs, Cadet. Nothing too out of the ordinary."


Ruby was the first one there, lying on top of the picnic table. She was listening to her music, nodding her head to the beat. She glanced up at me before I had the chance to surprise her. Darn.

"Hey, Johnny," she said cheerfully, taking off her earpiece. "I like your hat!"

"Hi," I responded shyly. "Um. Thanks. I, uh, like my hat too…"

"Chief Medic," Garuru said with a salute.

"Hi…" Pururu's voice ran out as soon as she saw what was in Garuru's hand. She blushed heavily and held her breath, gazing at him hopefully, her eyes sparkling. "Y-you… you read it?"

"Yes," Garuru said slowly, gazing at it. "I did. And I must say… very well done."

"…Excuse me?"

"Are these not copies of the reports you were supposed to send to Headquarters?"

"…What?!" Pururu looked absolutely horrified. She grabbed the envelope out of his hand and read through them, her face turning white as she desperately looked through the pages. "S-so… that is… the actual letter…?!"

"What do you think the Sim will be this time?" I asked Ruby, who was watching Pururu crawl under the table.

"I hope it's something fun," Ruby replied, gazing back at me. "And I hope we don't have to die."

"It'll be nice to have everyone together too, that is," I said with a small smile.

"Hey!"

Ruby and I turned respectively to Stella as she walked toward us, one arm wrapped around her black sketchbook, another waving eagerly in the air. "Hi!"

"Hey," Ruby and I said simultaneously.

"Look," Stella said excitedly, opening her book. She carefully pulled out two sheets of paper and gave them to us. "Here. I made these a while ago."

"Oh, I remember this," I said, raising my eyebrows. She had shown me the sketch at school; she had drawn- very well, too- the five us with the Garuru Platoon in the attire that we had worn when we had done the Fairytale simulation. The one I was looking at was the finalized copy, colored digitally. "Wow. You've really outdone yourself with this, Stella."

I saw her flush with pride, a wide grin growing on her face. "Thanks!"

"This is really good!" Ruby said, gaping. "I didn't know you could draw!"

"She makes comics too," I told her, nodding to my friend. "They're funny. I like reading them."

"…Did you see?" Stella asked suddenly, her smile stretching against her lips as her eyes came to contact with my hat.

"…Did I see… what?" Ruby questioned, confused.

Stella pointed at me. "Did you see Johnny's-"

"Not a word!" I said, cutting her off.

Ruby gazed at me mischievously. "…What happened?"

"N-nothing," I stammered.

"They're going to find out eventually," Stella told me with a little giggle.

"…What happened, Johnny?"

I sighed and drooped my shoulders. "I lost a bet."

"With… Stella?"

"No. I lost a bet with the Lieutenant."

Ruby turned to the purple Keronian, who was watching Pururu pull dandelions out of the grass under the table and blow them into the wind in her depression.

"Garuru?"

"Yeah," I sighed, deciding to tell them anyway; Stella was right, after all. If not now, then later, and I guess it would be easier just to get out with it. "To train me for the simulations, he made me take target practice. To motivate me, we made a bet. If I met his 'quota', then he promised he would do anything I asked him to do. But if I didn't meet my quota…"

Ruby stared at me. "…What did he make you do?"

"Well, I-"

I felt someone lunge from behind me and seize my red cap. Blond hair spilled out and fell over my face, and I immediately spun around to face Rita, who was holding my hat, her eyes enormous with shock.

"He made you dye your hair?" Rita asked, biting her lower lip to keep the laughter from coming out.

"…It looks good on you," Ruby said, smiling.

"It does, doesn't it?" Stella chirped. I felt my face redden with humiliation as she patted my head. "I keep telling him that but he doesn't believe me."

"All you need now is to grow out your hair, braid it in the back, and develop a short temper," Rita said suddenly. "And then you'd be complete."

"…Huh?"

"Full Metal Alchemist reference," Kitty said off-handedly, gazing at me with a similar entertained glint in her eye. "But seriously, Johnny; you don't look that bad. It could've been worse… Garuru could have dared you to dye your hair pink or something."

"And it looks natural," Stella added. "No one would probably have even thought it was dyed unless you told them."

While I appreciated all their efforts to try and comfort me I ended up grabbing the hat from Rita and tucking all my hair into it anyway.

"Now you just look bald," Taruru said, startling me from the side. "I think you should just keep it off."

"Besides," Tororo said, sitting down with the SimCube. "Who knows what the old man has planned for us; he might make you take off your hat anyway."

"I have a theory that he's secretly into cosplay," Kitty told us, her finger in the air. "I actually wrote a fan fiction about it."

"…Fan fiction?" I repeated.

"Yeah. He reviewed it, too."

"What'd he say?" Rita asked.

"'You fail'."

Rita patted her sister's back sympathetically.

"Can we get back to the simulation?" Zoruru asked impatiently. Wow. I seriously keep forgetting that he's with us too. "I'd like to get this stupid thing over with as fast as possible."

"True," Garuru sighed. "And similarly, I hope Kururu has learned to not make a joke out of the matter."

"Don't count on that, chief," Taruru snickered.

Tororo rolled his eyes and picked up the SimCube to give it to Garuru. "Here. You can press it."

It looked the same as the first SimCube, though the button on top of it was a different symbol- it had the picture of a heart on it.

All of us gathered around, Garuru looking about us carefully. He took a deep breath, and then pressed the button.

We were consumed by yet another white flash.


Ten students from Animaux High were chosen selectively to participate in a social experiment that will be proven useful for our government records.

Animals around the globe were beginning to grow intelligence, beginning to grow sentience. Ones that were easily able to communicate with humans and form basic relationships were shipped to Animaux Zoo, just across the high school where we will begin our social experiment.

Is it really possible to form more than just a basic relationship, or will they always remain as beasts with no soul, completely void of the emotion that is so commonly associated with the cherished rush of human love..?


My first thought was: Great. Tororo was right. I sighed and brushed back my stupid blond hair away with my fingers.

"Yup. This just about confirms my theory."

I gazed at Kitty, who was wearing something that I normally connected with an anime girl uniform; a white and navy sailor shirt with a navy sailor skirt slightly above her knees. The other girls, including Pururu, were wearing the same thing.

Which means that I'm probably wearing-

Yup.

A navy uniform that I typically connected from an anime: a long-sleeved standing collar buttoning down from top-to-bottom, with long dark pants and sensible brown shoes. And judging how I could hear Tororo and Zoruru complain about the so-called tasteless outfits, I assumed they were wearing the same thing.

And I was right.

Garuru stared at himself irritably, blowing the small blue hat that had his insignia as a button away from his face. Taruru really looked like he didn't care; if anything, I think he was enjoying himself a little too much with his own uniform… and like I said before, Zoruru and Tororo really didn't like their own.

"What kind of game is this?" I asked, looking at my sleeves.

"It's a dating sim," Tororo and Kitty said at the same time. The girl looked down at her Keronian partner in disbelief.

"How the heck did you know?" Kitty inquired.

Tororo's face reddened. "I get bored, okay?!" He waved his tiny fist in the air. "Besides, pu! I only play to break girls' hearts. It's fun watching them cry."

"You're so evil."

"A… dating sim?" I tilted my head. "What's a dating sim?"

"It's basically a game where you try to woo these girls to get them to go out with you," Stella explained to me. "I don't really play them a lot, but they're referenced a lot in anime."

"Oh," I made a face. "..Wait. How do you guys know this is a dating sim?"

"The intro in the beginning," Kitty piped up. "Didn't you hear it?"

"Yeah, but I assumed it was some sort of like, zoo simulation or something."

"He has a point," Ruby spoke up. "It never really outright stated that it was going to be a dating sim…"

"It's a dating sim, ku-ku!"

I yelped and fumbled back, falling on my rear. "Will you stop doing that?!"

Kururu's device hovered around carelessly. He shrugged. "Ku-ku. I will when it stops being fun."

"But… the setting takes place in a zoo?" Rita wrinkled her nose. "Are we going to have to date animals?"

"This is Saburo, ku," Kururu addressed, gesturing to his right side. A young man with white hair and bright blue eyes walked up to us, wearing a dark green uniform. He had a small necklace with a key dangling from it.

"Saburo?" I looked up at Kururu quizzically.

"I've decided that I don't like him," Kitty said suddenly. She frowned at this and made a face as she mused, "I don't know why."

"Ku-ku~ Saburo, explain."

"Hi, I'm Saburo," the boy said, flashing a warm smile. "And I'm the zoo keeper for Animaux Zoo. I'm basically in charge of everything."

"Is this an actual person?" I asked Kururu.

"Ku! No. He's a Non-Player Character."

"Oh." I blinked at Saburo uncertainly. "Um. Okay. I'm sorry, you could go on."

Saburo continued on without breaking a sweat, "I'm basically responsible for the animals and all that. I also make sure that you guys know the rules. There are ten of you, and nine animals. You have to learn about them, get to know them, get… close to them, if you know what I mean." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, this is all for a social experiment. Make them fall in love with you, and write of your experiences. You will report your findings about this experiment and send it to the government. See that?" He pointed a tall clock tower in the center of the zoo that we could all see. "That tells you the time. You have one week to complete your objective. Now please note, all of you have to complete your objective before the time runs out, or it's game over."

"One week?" I asked dubiously. "We're seriously going to be here for one whole week?!"

"No, Johnny," Stella said with a giggle, "I'm pretty sure it's based on video game time."

"It is," Kururu said, staring in utter incredulity at my sheer stupidity. "…Ku! Adding on to what Saburo said, You don't really have to 'report your findings', ku. But in order to beat the simulation, you need to do one of two things, dependent on whether you're a female or a male. If you are a male, you must get the girl to give you a kiss on the cheek. If you are a female, you must get the boy to give you a gift. Ku-ku~! Doesn't that sound delightful~?"

"It sounds more like bestiality," Stella said flatly.

"Ku-ku~ all the more fun for to me watch," Kururu said with a grin. He pressed a button, and thin Ipad-esque things materialized in front of us. It floated before us until we reached for it and held it.

As soon as I grabbed mine, the screen lit up and showed me an entire map of the zoo. The following were listed at a tab on the side: elephant(F), bear(F), penguin(M), spider(M), chimpanzee(M), peacock(M), catfish(F), shrike(M), and unicorn(F).

Unicorn?

I stared at that. What.

"We don't have to like… make out with any of them?" Ruby asked cautiously.

"Ku-ku, no," Kururu shook his head. "Like I said; in order to complete the game you all must accomplish at least one of two things; a kiss on the cheek or a gift from the animal."

"I'm not going to do this," Zoruru hissed. "I'm going to try and find a way out of here." He zipped off before Garuru was given a chance to reprimand him.

The purple Keronian sighed. "It doesn't seem like we have much of a choice, then," Garuru said blandly.

"But… what about Zoruru?" I asked worriedly.

"I'm sure he'll come to his senses when he realizes that there is no way out." Garuru suddenly paused and frowned, counting the animals on the screen.

"I've got dibs on the penguin!" Stella said, raising her hand up in the air.

"I guess spiders are cool," Rita mused. "Too bad there aren't any frogs, though."

"And I suppose I'll take the peacock, whatever that is," Pururu said.

"Peacock?" Taruru stared at the screen. "…What an unfortunate name."

"Taruru..." Rita said with a sigh, face palming.

"I've got the shrike!" Ruby cried out.

"So, wait… I guess that leaves me with the chimpanzee then?" Kitty pushed up her glasses. "Um. Okay, I guess…"

"C'mon, Pururu," Ruby said, taking Pururu by the hand and dragging her away.

"Yeah, we should get started," Stella agreed. She gazed up at the clock. "We're all being timed for this, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll join up with you later."

"I've always really liked elephants," Taruru said brightly. "Elephants are those long animals with the black faces and the small ears, right?"

"…No, just… no," Rita laughed. "C'mon, I'll show you."

"Maybe you could get the bear," Kitty suggested to Tororo. "You like teddy bears, don't you?"

"What?" Tororo gave her a strange look. "Where did you get that from?"

"I don't know. I made it up just now." They walked off, their conversation about bears degrading into one about jelly worms and mustard.

"What's wrong, Lieutenant?" I tilted my head. "You not sure what to-?"

"There's only nine animals."

"…What?"

"Nine animals, ten of us," Garuru repeated. "I thought I had misheard, or the boy had perhaps misspoken, but here… there are only nine animals. How are we supposed to reach our objective if one of us cannot?"

"…True…" I said, eyes widening as I took a closer look at my own screen.

"Ku-ku! Because I have a very special objective for you, Lieutenant~"

Garuru turned his attention to Kururu, who was grinning widely with that freakishly freaky smile of his.

"…Special… objective?"

"Correct, ku-ku-ku!" Kururu pressed another button, and Garuru's tablet, in contrast to mine, suddenly gained a tenth spot on his tab.

Pururu.

"What is the meaning of this?" Garuru growled.

"Ku! I just thought it would make things more interesting," Kururu stopped to cackle at this. "More fun for me to watch, anyway. Now." He pointed down at Garuru's iPad-thingie. "You are the only one who can accomplish that one task, as you are the only one with that option. If you don't pursue Pururu and get her to kiss your cheek, then you don't finish the game, hence having to start the whole thing over."

"But that doesn't make any sense," I said, confused. "Why Pururu?"

Kururu rested his chin against his hands. "Are you jealous, Cadet~?"

"…What?" I blinked at him, taking a second too late to realize his indication. I felt my face burn heavily. "No! No, I'm not! I-it's just it doesn't make any sense-"

"Ku-ku. I don't know. I'm the creator of the game; that automatically makes me boss."

I sighed. True.

"So~!" Kururu smirked. "Have fun, Lieutenant~"

The screen flashed off.

"…So…" I said awkwardly.

"It's nothing to be too worried about," Garuru said after a particular thought. "I'll go find her now."

"Um… bye." He just walked off. I mildly rolled my eyes to the sky before I looked at my tablet. I guess that leaves me with…

Wait. I have to woo a unicorn?!

…Well. A unicorn or a catfish.

….

I'm choosing the unicorn.

Great. The only thing that could possibly make this worse was if the unicorn hated blondes…


"Ew. A blonde. Like, get it away from me."

First off: the animals could talk, which means you could hear what they're actually saying.

This unicorn hated blondes.

"I'm a brunette," I said in explanation. I laughed weakly, "I just, uh, I lost a bet."

"Ew. Like, you lost a bet? Ew, just, ew."

I folded my arms, feeling my cheeks turn red as I tried to hold back the urge to walk away. I cleared my throat. "Hi. I'm Johnny. And what's your name?"

"I'm like, a unicorn!" the horned horse gushed.

"…Nice," I said slowly. I gave her a small smile. "Um… so, do you, like… have a name?"

"Are you mocking me?!" The horse made a loud neigh and reared it's head, jumping onto its hind legs and waving its forelegs in front of me.

I squeaked and took several steps away from her. Maybe I should just… yeah. Backing away…

I glanced down at the 'map' in my hands. The nice thing about it was it also gave you some sort of indication where the others were; it was displayed through the use of an insignia. Unfortunately, seeing as we were just mere Pekoponians, we didn't have any symbols to represent us on our own, meaning we shared the symbol with our Keronian partner. So if I saw two insignias walking my walk, I only had half a chance that the one I think I'm going to bump into is right.

I saw Garuru's symbol near the unicorn pen; I decided to take a look see at what he was doing, at least until the unicorn cooled off.

..Wait. Next to the word unicorn was the word 'acquaintance'.

Maybe this represented their feelings toward you? Hm. Acquaintance…

Not exactly vying for my attention but it was a start.

"…I don't understand."

I peeked around the corner, hearing Garuru's voice, hiding behind one of the walls.

The Lieutenant's back was toward me, but from his firm, erect posture I knew he meant serious business.

"I just… can't right now, Lieutenant," Pururu said, biting her lower lip. She looked almost… anxious, her eyes darting around her. "I can't. I have to go-"

"All that is required is a kiss on the cheek, correct?"

"…Well… y-yes…" Pururu stammered, "B-but I can't. Not right now." She shook her head and dashed off, Garuru stunned by her sudden leave. He watched her idly, a confused expression etched on his face.

"…What happened?" I asked, walking up from behind him.

"…I simply asked if she would give me a kiss on the cheek," Garuru murmured.

"That's cheating, Lieutenant," I teased, a small grin on my face. "I think you'll have to start over with Pururu like we all are."

"…Start… over?"

"Yeah. Like, I nearly got my head bashed in by a creature that doesn't even exist. I have to woo her into liking me." I paused at a thought. "Maybe… maybe Pururu's data was reprogrammed just like the other animals in this game… kind of like when Tororo's character was programmed to be scared of wolves. Remember that?"

Garuru nodded at this. "…I see. Very… well, then." He seemed uncomfortable. "…What exactly is the definition of 'woo', Cadet?"

"I, um… I don't know," I blushed. "The last time I had a girlfriend was when I was in kindergarten, and even that lasted for a few days… Oh. I have an idea." I looked down at him. "Why don't we ask the others? They might have a better idea on how this game works."

"…Yes. Alright."


"Lance Corporal."

Zoruru was staring down morosely at a pen, his eye grim.

"…What are you doing?" Garuru inquired.

Zoruru scowled- or, at least, I got the essence that he did- and turned to face us. He hmphed. "There was no way out. I had no choice but to conform to the rules of this game."

"…So who are you going after?" I asked, leaning to look at the animal in the pen. I coughed to keep back the chuckles. "A catfish?"

"It was the only one left," Zoruru mumbled, irritated. He glanced down at his pad. "But thus far I've gained her acquaintanceship."

"Nice," I said with a small grin. "I got the unicorn. And same here. Though, I had to leave because she was getting mad at me."

"And you, if I may ask, Lieutenant?" Zoruru asked him.

Garuru showed him his tablet. The cybernetic ninja glanced down at it and did a double take, grabbing it to look at it closer.

"Pururu?"

"Yes," Garuru said slowly.

"…Well that's easy," Zoruru muttered. "All you have to do is ask her, right-?"

"No," the purple Keronian said, taking the tablet back. "I have to try and… 'woo' her, like all of you."

"…Really."

"Yes. For some reason, she seemed rather uncomfortable when I went up to her."

"You have to start somewhere," I said with a small shrug. I gazed down at Garuru's screen. "There's nothing beside Pururu, not even 'acquaintance'. You can start by gaining that."

"And… how do I gain 'acquaintanceship'?"

"Well, I talked to the unicorn."

"As did I…The catfish, I mean." We heard it splash in the water. Zoruru peered back over to look at it, a visible annoyance on his face.

"Let's go find the others," I said, gently nudging Garuru on the shoulder. "We can get some sort of hint from them."

"Tororo said he played these… dating sims, correct?"

"…Yeah. You're right." I went back to the map on my screen and examined it carefully. The Tororo symbols were very close together; most likely the tadpole and Kitty were in the same area.

…Wooing a chimpanzee and a bear. Hm.


"Yo," I said, gazing around Kitty to look at her screen. She jumped, surprised. "Whoa, hey! You're already all the way up to 'friend'? … How?"

"You talk to them a lot," Kitty said in explanation. "You have to say just the right thing, or else their relationship with you doesn't improve."

"…Really," Garuru said slowly. "Hm."

"Like…?" I trailed off, gazing at her quizzically. "What do you mean? Can you give me an example?"

"Sure," Kitty said. She went back to the chimpanzee, who was scratching his head. "This is Henry. Hi, Henry!"

"Hi," he said, waving its long arm. He bent it back to scratch his elbow. "Don't you hate it when bugs crawl all over you?"

"Yeah, it's very uncomfortable," Kitty agreed.

The chimpanzee smiled. "I'm glad someone you say so! No one else thinks that way…."

"See," Kitty said. "You have to say just the right thing. Sometimes he… though I guess in you guys' situations it would be a she… would want you to agree with them. Or, depending on the character, you have to disagree with them every so often." She pointed at her screen. "When it gets to 'friend', you can give them gifts, and their attraction for you rises."

I shivered. "You're awfully, uh… nonchalant about this whole thing."

"I play the games occasionally," Kitty replied. "I'm actually pretty good at them." She pulled her hands behind her back. "Who are you trying to go after?"

"…A unicorn."

She grinned. "What's her name?"

"She hasn't told me yet," I said, shaking my head. "She got very angry at me."

"Oh? What for?"

"I don't know!"

"Girls," Tororo scoffed from behind me, chewing on some popcorn.

"Where did you find that?" I pointed at the little red and white striped bucket he was carrying.

Tororo gulped the treat down. "I found it in Giftie's Gift Shop."

"You're not supposed to be eating that," Kitty said disapprovingly. "You were supposed to give it to Lady."

"Lady?" I repeated.

"The bear."

"…Oh."

"And what about you, Garuru?" Kitty asked, looking down at the purple frog.

Garuru seemed slightly embarrassed about the matter. He looked down and said softly, "…Pururu."

Tororo hacked on his popcorn, thrusting his fist against his chest.

"Woot! Shipping dream come true!" Kitty said, eyes sparkling.

"…I beg your pardon?"

"Now if only we could somehow bring Chiroro down here," Kitty murmured, her glasses turning glossy as she suddenly became immersed in thought. "Oh! Another fan fiction idea! Brilliant!"

"Now look what you've done!" Tororo cried out as soon as he was able to breathe again. "You're giving her ideas!"

Oops. "Sorry."

"Yeah, SORRY MY CLASS!"

"I think I'm just going to get out of here," I said with a weak laugh, yet again having to break away from the scene. Yippee.

Garuru followed after me absentmindedly. "…I believe I'm going to have to do it."

"Hm?" I glanced down at him. "Do what?"

"I'm… going to have to woo the Chief Medic."

Oh, this should be fun. Not that… I would let him know, of course. "Try calling her by her name, Lieutenant."

Garuru blinked at me. "…First name?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "When you call each other on a first name basis, doesn't it typically mean you're already close?"

He tightened his lips to a thin frown. "…Perhaps."

…For some reason, now I'm feeling bad that I call him Lieutenant. But then… at the same time, he calls me Cadet… hm. Maybe formalities are better in a relationship (if you can even call it that) like ours.

I gazed down at my tablet and saw Pururu's symbol near a long, thin spooky looking tree. "I think that's her. Are you going to…?"

Garuru gave me a side glance. "I would appreciate it if you didn't meddle in my affairs."

I blushed heavily. "I'm sorry."

He grunted. "I'm… going to find the Chief Medic."

"Pururu," I reminded him.

"…Pururu," Garuru said slowly, as if the very name was foreign enough for him to be self-conscious about saying it correctly.

"…I may be an idiot, Lieutenant, but I don't mind helping you out."

"I understand that perfectly, Cadet," he responded crisply. He sighed. "You're already demonstrating that trait by appearing in this game- all of you are."

I opened my mouth to say something when a flash of reddish-orange caught my attention. I turned around.

Nothing was there.

"…Cadet?"

"Y-yeah?"

"…Is something wrong?"

"…No. I… guess not."


Her name was Casey.

I guess she was very pretty for an animal. She had a white coat with a black mane, her blue horn coming out in a sort of long, thin swirl that resembled a seashell. She had dark, plain eyes…

But boy. She loved to talk.

"And, I was like, 'no way', and she was like 'yes way' and then he was like, 'totally'," Casey said, explicating the tiniest of details at the horse pen a few miles from here. She gave me something of a classy sigh. "It's like, so hard to be a unicorn, Johnny. You have, like, no idea!"

"I can only imagine," I said with a small smile, leaning against the fence. "Especially a beautiful one at that."

"Ew. That was like, so corny."

I felt sweat slip down my cheek. "Y-yeah. You're right. Ignore that."

How humiliating.

"It's getting late," Casey said, tipping her nose up toward the sky. "I'm going to like, turn in." She turned around and galloped away without even bothering to say anything.

"…Good night?" I attempted.

No reply came.

Why am I such an idiot?

"Any luck, Blondie?"

I looked over my shoulder, seeing Taruru with a stuffed bear in hand. "Don't call me that, please."

"Okay," Taruru mused for a moment. "How about Goldie Locks?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh. Rita was wondering where you were."

At least someone worries about me. I ran my hands against my hair. "Where is everyone?"

"We're at the Motel Animaux," Taruru replied. "Hm. Lots of 'animaux' being thrown around, huh?"

"I'm not surprised," I said with a small shrug, following him. "'Animaux' means 'animal' in French."

"Really? Huh. I guess you really do learn something everyday." Taruru skipped over to several big rocks and jumped on them, balancing himself before going to the next one.

"Be careful," I said worriedly.

"Relax," Taruru said with a grin, "Keronians have tough skulls. Like, tough. How else do you think we make it alive through comic relief?"

I laughed lightly. "I guess I did wonder about that…"

"See? You learn something new everyday." Taruru stopped and stood on his tiptoes, squinting his eyes and leaning forward. "…Huh. I wonder what Zoruru is doing over there."

"…Zoruru?"

"Yeah. He looks like he's… watching something." Taruru skidded off the boulder and landed beside me. "Let's go check it out!"


The sun was coming down, turning the sky into a rich, dark pink color as it beckoned the black of the night to fall. Zoruru was standing on the branch of a tree, leaning his shoulder against it, his arms folded in on each other. Taruru turned to me and put his finger on his lips, as if he expected me to give our position away.

I think I might've found that ironic if I wasn't Johnny Cadet.

Taruru and I hid in the tree behind Zoruru's, peering curiously at whatever he was looking at.

It was Garuru and Pururu, sitting down on the bench near Giftie's Gift Shop. The lamppost above them had flickered on, giving the scene a warm glow over them.

Garuru was relaxed, his foot resting above his knee, his arms also folded in on each other, his back against the chair. Pururu, on the other hand, looked more nervous than anything; she was fidgeting, her wrists at her knees, her back completely erect.

"What was it that you needed me for, Lieutenant?" Pururu asked quietly.

"I just wanted to seek out your company. Is that wrong?"

"…No," Pururu said slowly, gazing at him cautiously. "I… guess not…"

Despite his typical cool demeanor, I could tell even he was beginning to bend under the awkward atmosphere. He brought a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. "Pururu."

The light purple frog jumped, startled, and turned to him, her eyes slightly dilated. "…Lieutenant?"

"I would be more comfortable if, for the time being, you addressed me by my name."

Pururu's white face took on a dark red color.

I saw from the corner of my eye Zoruru straighten almost defensively, his arms loosening, his hands clenching.

"W…why?"

"Just for the sake of the game," Garuru told her. He was looking forward instead of looking at her. "Please."

"…Okay," Pururu said uncertainly.

"What do you like?"

"…What?"

"What do you like?" Garuru repeated.

"W-what do you mean by that?"

"Certain females like flowers, some like chocolates." Garuru finally turned to gaze at her. "What do you like?"

Something shuffled in the bushes. Pururu shot her head toward it, losing her interest in the Lieutenant.

"…Puru-?"

"I have to go," she said quickly, hopping off the seat. She bowed to Garuru apologetically and then ran off, the purple Keronian immediately jumping off in an almost urgent manner.

Zoruru then relaxed, his hands slipping off his arms and resting his organic fingers against the bark of the tree. He sighed, somewhat relieved. As if found Pururu's dismissal satisfactory, he zipped away, probably to the motel that Taruru was talking about earlier.

Garuru stood there, looking subtly dejected.

I guess that never really happened to him before, being such a highly respected soldier and all. I almost felt like going up to him and comforting him, had I not been eavesdropping.

"…He's jealous."

"…Huh?" I gazed down to Taruru, who had this big ol' silly grin on his face.

"Zoruru. He's jealous."

"…What?" I asked.

Taruru shrugged. "I've actually noticed it for a while now." Instead of dwelling on said subject any longer, he spun around. "Let's go to that motel. I actually am kind of tired, even though this is a game."

"…Speaking of which," I said, walking after him, "Who are you, um, pursuing?"

"An elephant," Taruru stuck out his tongue. "Her name's Marie. She keeps squeezing me a lot with her nose, though."

"Oh? And how far on your relationship are you?"

"Right now," Taruru whipped out his tablet and examined the screen, "we're mortal enemies."

"W-… what?!"

"Yeah. That's what it says right here."

Yup. There it was. It was in flaming red words, with a little skull floating above it: MORTAL ENEMIES.

"I… don't think that's a good sign, Taruru," I said weakly, a sweat drop sliding down my cheek.

"Really?" Taruru pouted. "Aw. I thought it was a step up from 'Dead to Me'."

Oh dear. "What did you say to her?"

"I thought elephants liked being told they were big and fat and wrinkly!" Taruru poked out his lips. "Turns out I was wrong."

"Ahaha… I'll, um, keep that in mind the next time I'm trying to woo an elephant…"

"You got that right!" Taruru said, placing his hands on his hips. "Oh. And they hate mice." He said this with a finger directed up at the sky. "And wheelchairs. And candy corn. And definitely mice in wheelchairs eating candy corn. Don't forget that."

"…What do mice, candy corn and wheelchairs have anything to do with wooing an elephant?" I asked him, befuddled.

Taruru laughed joyfully. "Long story. Best if you don't ask."

"Uh… okay…"

"Cadet." I stopped turned around, seeing Garuru walk up from behind me, his face unreadable. Err, more unreadable than usual.

"Yeah?"

"Where do we go now?" Garuru inquired, sounding exhausted.

"We're going to the Motel Animaux to rest for 'tonight'," I told him. I swallowed nervously and waited for his response. I got none.

After a long, awkward pregnant silence, Garuru spoke.

"What do women like, First Class Private?"

"…Eh?" Taruru delivered him a broken smile. "…You're… asking me this?"

"…Never mind," Garuru said blankly. "You're right. It was a bad idea-"

"No, no!" Taruru waved his hands slightly. "It's just… um. Okay." He turned away and tapped his fingers against his own head. Obviously, having someone as influential as the leader of his platoon ask him for advice about courtship was enough to make him uncharacteristically nervous. "Err… well… girls like flowers…"

"Flowers?" Garuru mused at this particular aspect. "…Do you recommend anything?"

"Wow, you're taking this whole game thing really seriously, Lieutenant," I said with a wry laugh.

"I don't want to have to go through this whole simulation again," Garuru flicked his hat off his face with a snap of his fingers. "I might as well try and get through this whole humiliating ordeal as quickly as possible."

"Girls like roses," Taruru suggested, watching his superior's face for any looks of approval. He seemed very pleased when an expression of thoughtfulness crossed the purple frog's features.

"Roses," Garuru murmured. "Hm. I shall look for them."

"Hey! What are you doing out so late?" The white haired boy from before came at us, a flashlight at his right hand. He shone the light to us in our faces, examining us. We winced and blocked it with our arms. "…You aren't supposed to be out here."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly.

Saburo sighed. "Just go to the motel. I'll let it go since it's the first time I've caught you out. But when it gets late," he nodded to the clock tower, "I expect you to go to the motel."

Did I ever tell you that I hate getting in trouble? I always get so flustered. "Y-yes sir."

"Good." Saburo glanced us over again and turned around. "I'll escort you."

"Th-thank you."


The motel (I'm not even going to ask about the logic of having a motel in a zoo; Kururu made the game, not me) was a pretty standard looking one, especially from the inside. The walls were painted a creamy green, with the borders a soft white color. Long, practical and comfortable looking couches circled the wide dining room, a small brown coffee table in the middle. There were two stairs leading up to the next level of the motel, with a large mahogany desk that sat between them.

A girl sat on the table, typing away at the computer in front of her. She had pink hair- a dark color than Pururu's human self- and large caramel colored eyes. They seemed very innocent to me, yet very… fiery, like she could change from being sweet and friendly to threatening and scary.

I rang the little bell that sat on the desk, and she turned to me. I glanced at her nametag: Natsumi Hinata.

"I like your name," I said, maybe a bit dumbly.

She gave me an odd look. "Uh. Thanks, I guess." She gestured to the left. "The boys go in there."

"So the girls and the guys are separated?" Taruru asked her. "Huh. Cool."

"Well, yeah," Natsumi rolled her eyes. "Like we'd actually let you get all pervy with the girls. Not going to happen under my watch!"

….I decided not to question that.

"So I'm assuming the New Recruit and Lance Corporal are upstairs?" Garuru inquired.

"Two of you guys are," Natsumi said, typing something on her keyboard. "All the girls I'm aware of are in their living quarters. I'm guessing that you're the rest of the boy troupe." She jerked her thumb to the left. "Like I said before: it's up there. Now go get some sleep."

"Thank you," Garuru said politely.

Taruru gazed over his shoulder to the pink-haired girl as we made our way up the stairs. "Hey, Lieutenant? … Don't you think that-?"

"Yes. I'm assuming that that girl, and the boy outside, are both inspired of the human partners the Sergeant Major associates himself with."

"Whoa, wait," I said, looking at him. "So you're saying… that Kururu also has a human partner?"

"Don't you sound surprised," Taruru chuckled.

No offense to this Kururu guy, but who in their right mind would willingly hang out with him? He was mean, creepy, and a troll. That was minus one hundred points there; you can't possibly disagree with my logic.

Garuru shrugged at this. "All I was aware of was that the Keroro Platoon needed a place to reside with… he was taken captive with that girl, and… everything fell into place."

"The Keroro Platoon?" I repeated, blinking at him. "There's another platoon?"

"Yes. The Sergeant Major is in that platoon under the leadership of Sergeant Keroro."

"Wow," I said, almost breathlessly, "I didn't know that there was more of you out there in the same position."

"Not exactly," Taruru laughed, hopping in front of us and opening the door. He stepped to the side and let us in.

"I have to agree with the Private," Garuru said as he walked in. "Whereas we honestly have no choice due to the circumstances of the weather, the Keroro Platoon does indeed have the option to leave whenever they choose."

"Well, then, why don't they?"

"…I'd rather not clarify," Garuru said, folding his arms. "It's confidential."

The room was large enough for all five of us, the beds separated a decent amount between them. Tororo had draped the outer garment of his blue uniform at the edge of his mattress, and he was already fast asleep, his face half hidden in the pillows, the blanket loosely over him.

"I personally think it's because they've gotten too close to their Pekoponian partners," Zoruru huffed, getting the gist of our conversation and jumping right in. "Zeroro used to be a very… fearsome assassin." He glared off to the side. "Now he prides himself through the protection of Pekopon. Disgusting."

"…They have indeed softened," Garuru muttered.

"Who's in the Keroro Platoon?" I questioned, sitting down on the bed provided for us.

Garuru leaned against his own. "Sergeant Keroro, Sergeant Major Kururu, Lance Corporal Dororo-"

"Zeroro," the cybernetic ninja intercepted, irritated. "It's Zeroro." He said it as if the very name burned his tongue.

"…Second Class Private Tamama, and Corporal Giroro."

"Giroro?" I widened my eyes and stared at Garuru. "Giroro? As in, your brother?"

Garuru stared out the window. "…Yes."

"…Oh, wow." I smiled. "You're a lot closer than I had originally thought you were."

"Hm," he murmured. His visor covered his eyes, and hence, half his face, concealing whatever emotions that reflected whatever was bouncing in his head just now. He looked distant, and maybe even a little… sad. I tilted my head.

"…Lieutenant? Are you okay?"

Garuru began to unbutton his long sleeved shirt. He quietly pulled it off, folded it and left it at the edge of his bed. "I'm tired now, Cadet."

"A-ah. Of course… I'm sorry."

"Good night."


I was the first- and the only- one up. I stretched and gazed out the closed window, picking up the dark blue uniform and pulling it over the white t-shirt. Weird.

Kururu must really be a genius to make everything feel so real.

I carefully walked by the male members of the Garuru Platoon and opened the door, closing it quietly behind me when I got out. I headed down the stairs I saw that Natsumi wasn't there anymore; rather, it was a slightly younger looking girl with dark, almost greenish looking hair tied back in a ponytail, a pink ribbon holding it together.

I gazed at her nametag: Koyuki Azumaya.

"Hi!" she said sweetly. "Can I help you with anything?"

"No," I shook my head timidly. "Just… wanted to see your name."

"Oh!" she giggled. "I'm Koyuki."

"I got that," I said with a small smile. "Can I go outside now?"

"Of course," Koyuki nodded. "The earlier the better!"

I pushed open the glass doors and walked outside, shivering at the slightly cold air. Again, for a virtual game it was awfully realistic.

I turned to the unicorn pen. It was empty. I guess it was too early for her. Might as well check up on her later.

I found myself just strolling around the park, examining the small description boxes that listed each animal. Interestingly, the boxes held information that you probably wouldn't have guessed if you didn't pay too much attention, like what they liked to eat and a brief example of their personality type. I read them out of curiosity, telling myself to keep them in mind if I ever came across one of the girls if they needed help.

I paused at a particular area.

It was a dark, cave-like animal pen, with a sign that said 'Coming soon!' in front of another that read 'Do not enter'. Yellow construction tape crisscrossed over the entrance. I glanced around for Saburo.

Nobody around.

I ducked under and around the tape and went inside, running my hand inside the stone-like walls. So dark… I couldn't help but wonder what kind of animal was going to be hidden in here.

"Mm, couldn't help yourself?"

I gasped and covered my mouth, my heart drumming heavily in my chest. To the right of me was the fox- the same exact fox that was in the fairytale simulation before. He was sitting at another table, his legs crossed as he sipped on a cup of tea. His eyes went ablaze in the darkness, shining brightly at me.

"Good morning," he said cheerily. "I'll take it you couldn't help but want to explore this cave despite being off-limits? Curious little fellow, aren't you?"

I felt my mouth go dry as I stared at him.

"Do sit down; I was feeling a little lonely, you know," the fox said, ushering me forward.

I don't know what came over me. I did as he requested, taking a seat on the chair in front of him. His smile grew wider.

"Good, good," the fox said with a sharp laugh. "I was hoping you would join me for a cup of tea."

Upon further observation, I noticed that the fox looked exactly the same as before- he looked nothing like the animals that were very realistic. He, being more anthropomorphic than anything, was sitting up, wearing the red vest he was wearing before, the pocket watch still tucked in his chest pocket.

"Mm," the fox swallowed his next mouthful of tea, "You look different. Did you do something with your shoes?"

"Who are you?"

"Ah, I never introduced myself, did I?" the fox mused. "I do dreadfully apologize. I am Gatsby. Very nice to meet you."

Gatsby? Like the Great Gatsby?

"I liked the name myself," Gatsby continued, as if he had read my mind. "Yes, yes. Very interesting name. I thought to myself, that's my new name, as soon as I heard it."

"…Wh… why are you here-?"

"Have you ever heard the story of the Grisly beard?"

I blinked at him. "…Huh? The… pirate?"

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who had come to the age of getting married," Gatsby narrated, ignoring me. "She was a very beautiful woman, but she was incredibly vain, and selfish. Oh, yes. Her father had made a wonderful feast for her and invited all these wealthy men to dine in hopes of her finding a man worthy enough for her to marry. It didn't quite work out the way he wanted it to.

"Her daughter haughtily made fun of all the men there, oh yes. 'This one is Big Nose', she would taunt. 'And this man is Short Man'. 'And this man is Grisly Beard'. Her father was furious, furious indeed! He told her that because of her arrogant attitude, she would be offered in marriage the first chance she got."

"…What… happened?" I asked slowly, tilting my head slightly at him.

The fox's smile stretched into a wide, playful grin. "…Mm, curious now, aren't we, Johnny? Well. Unfortunately our time will be cut short." He winked at me. "Come visit me tomorrow, let's say, around this time? You have a… beautiful young lady to court, aren't I right?"

"But-"

A single blink of an eye.

He was gone.

…To be Continued.


Oh, yes. For the next several chapters, Johnny will officially be blonde now XD

*Ahem* Back to the matter at hand. I hope you understand how hard I worked on this chapter. Ugh. I never thought they would take so long...

RITA RUBY STELLA AND KITTY.

Please tell me what you would do under circumstances like these XD; I promise I'll try to include you more in the next chapter. I was just kind of clueless for this part.

So, anyway: this is a parody of a parody of a dating sim XD I based it off of "Hatoful Love" or something like that. I don't know. I just thought it would be funny.