The world was still dark and moving hurt. Everything was on fire, from the tips of her fingers down to the ends of her toes. She knew she would need to open her eyes, she could feel that she had been asleep for longer than a normal night. Slowly her brain put together what happened, she remembered the explosion, the car blasting only feet from where she was standing, Jensen running towards Chibs, blood, so much blood, it couldn't have all come from one person and then darkness. And now she was lying here and everything hurt. She couldn't be at a hospital; a hospital wouldn't let her be in this much pain.
"Ouch." She gave a grunt.
"Guys! She's awake!" She heard a small voice called. "Hank stop!" Leo called.
"What's going on?" Jensen groaned.
"Okay, Sis, don't move." Liam called, her vision still a little blurry from so much time asleep. "You're in your room, it's okay we're all here and we're all okay." Liam knew what she would be stressed about the kids.
"What's wrong with me?" Jensen's voice was hoarse from lack of use. "I hurt. What about my boys? Are they okay? Patrick, Michael, Abel, they are all okay right?"
"Everyone is fine. We're all okay, just worry about yourself." Liam stopped her from getting up and she grunted in frustration.
"Where's Jax?" She asked, becoming increasingly frustrated that all she could do was lay there like a lump.
"He had to go do something. Things are bad, really bad; it was an attack from the skinheads. Shit's going down. Right now you need to just rest but when you are feeling a little stronger we should talk about moving the kids." Liam whispered.
"They're safest here, protected by SAMCRO, we leave and we have nothing keeping us safe." Jensen protested as she gestured to Russell for a glass of water.
"Safe from what Jen? The only reason you have gotten hurt in the past year is because of the club." Liam argued back.
"They know who I am. They threatened me, I can't just walk away and neither can any of you."
"What do you mean?" Cate asked from the corner of the room holding a fussy Abel.
"Is this about the thing we can't talk about?" Leo asked, he was resting on Hank like a pillow as the pitbull looked over at Jensen with concern in his eyes.
"What thing you can't talk about?" Liam asked, his attention switching between Leo and Jensen.
"About a month ago, I walked into the kitchen with the kids, Leo, Kenny, and Ellie, when I saw it. A dead bird on the table with a knife stabbed through it. There was a swastika on top of it. I should have told you but Gemma thought it would be best to keep it a secret. Look if you leave they will just follow you and use you like bait. We need to stay here."
"Are you fucking kidding me? Does Jax know about this?"
"No, and there is no reason for anyone to tell him, but now you know why we need to stay here." Jensen tried to prop herself up on a pillow but Liam stopped her with a shake of his head. "Can you please tell me why I can't move?"
That's what happens when you stand to close to a bomb!" Liam reprimanded. "And I'd like to hear your justification in pulling out hunks of metal that are embedded in your body."
"How was I supposed to know I shouldn't have done that?" Jensen frowned.
"Asking is always a really good place to start. If you had asked me I would have told you not to be an idiot and leave in the one thing keeping you from bleeding out."
"Sorry." Jensen mumbled, feeling stupid for her actions.
"It's okay, I managed to get the bleeding under control and put you back together but you are going to be in a lot of pain for a while so you have to take it easy. Nothing to strenuous, don't lift anything, we have a wheelchair you can use when you need to go somewhere but mostly I want you on bed rest. If you pull those stiches you will start bleeding internally and die."
"Well how long is that going to be for? We have three babies in this house and none of you do dishes. I'm the only one that cleans up around here."
"We can all pitch in a little more but Jensen, we are talking over two weeks and even after that there is going to be a large amount of pain. It wouldn't be that bad if you take some painkillers but with you just taking over the counter shit, you are going to feel it. Painkillers might actually help the healing."
"No. Pain is good for the body. I'll be fine."
"Jen, you don't have to do this. I know granddad scared you off the hard stuff but this would be different. This much pain isn't good for you."
"I'll let you know if it gets bad." She winced as she moved just a quarter of an inch.
"This is you on whatever painkillers I could get in you before you woke up. It's going to get a lot worse in the next couple hours."
"How's Chibs?" Jensen decided to change the subject.
"He's a fighter. Cracked his head open and lives to tell the tale. Not many people are that lucky. The doctors won't give me any information other than that he is sleeping."
"Well they have to tell you something more than that."
"It's family only."
"So tell them you are family! Call him your uncle or whatever."
"Jen, he's fine." Liam looked at her like she had gone crazy.
"Can you guys give us a minute?" Jensen looked over at Russell and Cate to get Leo out of there. "And give me that baby." She gestured over at Abel and waited for Cate to hand him over. Cate looked worried but Jensen just shook her head and took the kid with another wince.
"What's going on Jen?" Liam's tone softened as he moved over so that he sat next to her on the bed. "We don't lie to each other, we don't keep secrets." He made silly faces at Abel as the baby rested against Jensen's uninjured side.
"I know, which is why I'm going to tell you this and you can't tell anyone else." Liam nodded and Jensen kept talking. "I was talking to Chibs a while back and he was asking me all these questions about Uncle Jimmy. I brushed it off, figured he just wanted to make sure he could trust us but I talked to him again just before the bomb went off and I think there is some pretty bad blood between them. He said his wife and daughter live in Ireland but he lives here? And when I talked about how Uncle Jimmy didn't like not getting his way he touched his scars."
"So what do you think? Uncle Jimmy and him have some sort of past and now he lives here in exile?" Liam looked doubtful.
"Don't act like it's so unheard of, you know granddad did stuff like that. Remember when he would take us to watch those guys?"
"That was different. He would say 'if you live you can never come back'. He never expected those guys to live, those guys never expected to live."
"You look at those scars and you tell me he thought he was going to live! It's a botched death sentence written out across his face. You remember who taught us how to use a knife?"
"Of course I do, but Uncle Jimmy also taught us how to kill someone. He knows how to take care of someone he doesn't want around anymore. Exile isn't really textbook for those guys."
"I just have a feeling about this." Jensen shook her head.
"Yeah, okay." Liam looked at Abel. "Kid loves you." The sleeping baby had a small smile on his face as he curled into her shoulder. "If you think something is up with Chibs an Uncle Jimmy than I guess I believe you but I don't know what we're supposed to do about it."
"Nothing, but these guys are in bed with the IRA and I got a feeling our past is going to come around and bite us in the ass." Jensen confessed.
"Come on, those guys loved us, what would bite us in the butt?" Liam laughed a little.
"I honestly don't know." Jensen shook her head.
"Don't worry so much, let that be my job for the next couple weeks." Liam looked at her for a second and placed a kiss on her cheek. "You terrified me, all of us. I've never seen Cate cry that hard, so you aren't allowed to leave us yet."
"Us O'Halloran's always land on our feet. I don't have any plans to leave yet and the Good Lord ain't going to take me till I tell him to."
"Oh you got a direct line to the big man upstairs?"
"Yeah." Jensen giggled. "How do you think we've all made it this long?"
"Tell him to send more rain and less car bombs." He hoisted himself off the bed and held his arms out for the baby.
"That's going to be my next chat with him. Don't worry about Abel; I'll keep him here. And Liam," She paused, waiting for him to turn back and look at her. "I want to go visit him, soon."
"Yeah. Leo's been asking the same thing since we got word that he was out of surgery. Just try and get some sleep Jensen, Jax will be home soon." Liam opened the door and was almost gone when Jensen realised she needed to say something else.
"We don't say anything about the bird, got it."
"You got it, boss, next time just tell me."
"No problem." Jensen slurred as she felt the pain meds kick in and her eyes drooped shut. "Stop drugging me, I don't like it." She heard his chuckle before she closed her eyes and went to sleep.
When Jensen woke up she felt someone close to her uninjured side and a small squirming lump near her hip. She looked over and saw Jax sleeping next to her with Abel nestled between the two of them. On her other side next to the bed she saw Michael and Patrick in their bassinets. Liam must have brought them in while she was sleeping. Her side burned like nothing she had ever experienced before and she didn't want to even think about moving. The long jagged scar along her belly felt like it was so deep it was tearing her in two.
"Hey baby." Jensen whispered to Abel. "Stop moving so much, you're going to wake up Daddy." She picked up the kid and nestled him closer into her side.
"That's too late. Daddy is fully awake." Jax grumbled before taking Abel and letting him lay on his stomach. "How are you doing?" Jax's blue eyes were filled with worry.
"As soon as my side stops trying to perform Hara-kiri on itself I'll let you know." Jensen grunted.
"That bad?" He had a smirk on his face but the worry in his tone was palpable.
"Yeah, that bad." She winced as she swung her legs out of the bed and tried to sit up. "Want some coffee?"
"I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to be walking around." Jax protested as Jensen slipped on a small pink silk Kimono, that she was pretty sure was Cate's, and hobbled around the bed.
"I can't just sit and do nothing. These guys can't take care of themselves." She raised her hand towards the rest of the house and grunted in pain at the motion.
"Yeah, okay, just lay down." Jax put Abel on the bed and cut her off at the door. Slowly he pushed her back towards Abel. "I'll get you a cup of coffee."
"Do you even know how to work the coffee maker?" Jensen asked as she let herself be dragged down with a hiss as her side jostled.
"I lived thirty four years without you making my coffee for me." Jax laughed.
"Fine." Jensen grumbled before she lay back down next to Abel as Jax left the room. "Your Daddy is going to kill himself in that kitchen." She cooed at Abel, looking at her twins.
They were alone for about twenty minutes before Jensen heard cursing coming from the kitchen.
"I told you so." Jensen kept talking to Abel before she heard Jax call her name. "Come on, baby boy, let's go see what your Daddy did now." She walked out to the kitchen with Abel on her hip. The process was slow and painful but she kept walking because it went against everything she believed in to just let others work around her. "Jax!" She called as she came into the kitchen.
What she saw would have made her laugh if laughing didn't make her stomach feel like it was going to rip into little bits. Jax was standing over the coffee machine that was spluttering hot black sludge into the glass carafe.
"Gross." She picked up the pot and saw the tar like coffee burnt onto the bottom of the pot. "You broke my coffee maker." A low laugh erupted from her as she looked at him, her side hurting with every small chuckle. "Here, take your son." She handed him Abel as she threw out the pot and started cleaning out the filter.
Jensen moved around the kitchen at a slow pace using the counter as a crutch.
"Jen you look like you're in pain, you were bombed two days ago. No one is expecting you to be up and running again." Jax protested.
"Ah, but look at me, I'm up and running anyways! If that isn't something I don't know what is. Hey, when we go to pickup Leo from school I want to take him to see Chibs."
"That kid really likes him." Jax nodded.
"Yeah, and I think Leo needs to see him, just to realise that he's going to be okay. That, and I can't dive myself anywhere."
"Well Gemma will have to take you because I have some club shit I need to take care of. We have a vote coming up."
"Are you going to get yourself in trouble and tell me about club business, you shouldn't be telling me about?" She interrupted him with a look.
"Maybe, but I'm telling you anyway, we have a vote coming up, retaliation for the bomb. I've been trying to talk Clay out of war with these skinheads but I don't think I can do it anymore. It doesn't help that he's angry about Cate working there. Says he wants to protect her."
"That's why you wanted me to get her out." Jensen leaned against the counter and held her side. "If I could get her out it would turn down his anger."
"Yeah, but with this. Nothing is going to stop him. It'll be war." Jax muttered as he looked at her.
"As long as you stay safe, baby, don't get yourself killed over a bigot and a failed car bomb."
"So if something were to go down, what would you think about it?" He asked finally.
"Why would you be asking me? Jax, if something is going down, if you are going to get yourself into trouble, just know that I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you, and when the smoke clears I'll still be there. You have never asked my opinion on club business before because you knew I would be there no matter what happened. Now that I got myself on the disabled list, you think my answer is going to change? Take the fuckers down and then come home."
"Yes ma'am." He laughed as he gave her a peck on the cheek.
"It'll be perfect, if Gemma picks me up I can take the kids and the wheelchair Liam wants me in." She bit her lip in an attempt to stymie the pain.
"Okay. I'll give her a call and then I have to go." He handed her back Abel and walked over to pick up his kutte that was hanging off the back of his chair. Jensen looked around at the mess and groaned. It would take her days to clean up the mess with her moving at this speed.
She listened to Jax on the phone, waiting for him to leave before she got up from her resting place on the counter. She didn't want him to see just how vulnerable she was. There was nothing sexy or useful about her injury and she didn't need to flaunt in his face.
"Alright, Gemma is on her way." Jax looked over at her with a sceptical look. "Are you sure you are going to be alright here with the kids?"
"Who else is going to do it? I'm a fighter, ain't any use in pretending otherwise, we'll be fine. Promise."
"That's what you said last time and three seconds later you are passed out in a puddle of your own blood." Jax countered even as he moved towards the door.
"Things are different this time. Besides what are you going to do? Stay here with me? You are an important man VP, can't just stand around taking care of me."
"But you call if you need anything." He insisted even as she heard the front door open.
"Of course I will." She lied just before she heard the door slam shut. "Help." She whispered before lowering Abel onto the floor and started limping around trying to pick up the trash and dirty dishes that were scattered around the living room.
She worked for the most part in silence, slowly working along taking frequent brakes to stop and catch her breath. An hour later she thought she was having a heart attack as she sat on the couch trying to mute the pain radiating from her side. Sweat drenched her face and stained the front of her worn band tee. Looking around she hadn't made nearly enough progress. There was a harsh rapping at the door but Jensen couldn't make herself stand up to answer it.
"Gem?" She yelled before cursing as she heard one of the twins crying.
"Yeah."
"Stop knocking and just come in then!" Civility had left her voice and she really didn't care.
"Hey hun. How you feeling?"
"Like I'm fucking dying." Jensen barked a soft laugh.
"Are you trying to clean up around here?" Gemma looked confused at the sweating woman.
"Yeah." Jensen panted.
"When can you get your next painkiller?"
"I'm not."
"No painkillers? Are you aware that you were blown up two days ago? That you almost died as your brother tried to patch you up? That for thirty seconds you were dead to the world?" Gemma yelled at her with a fire in her eyes Jensen realised was the protectiveness.
"No." She answered honestly, neither Liam nor Jax had told her any of that. "I didn't realise it was that bad."
"Those babies have been passed around like a fucking hot potato and the one person that cares for them like their own goes and gives up on them! Dying is selfish and so is not taking care of yourself."
"What's the point of me being here if I'm strung out on pain meds?" Jensen yelled, although she stopped when she realised how much that hurt. "Give me a second and I can get up and get the babies ready. Just watch Abel for me." She counted to ten in her head before forcing herself out of her seat.
It was horrifying to her to realise that she needed to use the restroom. The thought of sitting again, only to have to stand up again made her want to throw something across the room in a fit of rage. She limped to the bathroom with a small whimper. As she was washing her hands she caught her reflection in the water stained mirror. Bruises and scrapes decorated her face and neck. She looked as if she had been blown up, which she supposed she had. Jensen looked at herself for another moment before tearing herself away at get the boys ready.
She got Michael and Patrick into their car seats before she had to ask Gemma to take them to the car for her. Everything took longer and Jensen had the sneaking suspicion that Gemma was moving slower just for her benefit.
Leo was standing outside of the school with Kenny and Ellie; the boys were kicking a rock around while Ellie tried to trip them up with a long stick.
"Oy! What are you doing here?" Jensen called to Kenny and Ellie as she rolled down the window.
"I think their dad forgot to pick them up but they can come to our house right Jen?" Leo asked as he waved at Gemma.
"Uh, I guess, but we are going to the hospital first." Jensen looked at Gemma with a shrug.
"Hey kids, get on in." Gemma waved them over. "It's okay. The guys have some important stuff coming up."
"Hi Aunt Gemma!" Leo greeted as he took his seat next to Patrick. That was the one nickname Gemma had allowed the kids. She had heard Leo call her Missus Gemma once and banned it from use.
"Hey kid."
"Are we going to see Mister Chibs?" Kenny asked.
"Course we are, stupid!" Ellie criticised her brother.
"Hey! Don't call your brother stupid." Jensen warned. "Yes, Kenny, we are going to see Chibs."
"So did you guys learn lots in school?" Gemma asked. Jensen and Gemma didn't have to say much after that as the three kids talked nonstop and sometimes over each other the entire way to the hospital.
Gemma parked the car and Leo got out before he dragged the old wheelchair out of the back of the car. Jensen plopped with a hiss into the chair before she took Michael in her lap because he squirmed the least of the three of them. Leo and Ellie both pushed the stroller for Abel and Patrick with Gemma pushing Jensen. Kenny walked close to his sister as he talked to Leo.
"So, Liam said Chibs was on the fourth floor." Jensen realised with a horror that it meant she would have to get in the elevator.
The doors of the elevator closed behind her and she could feel the walls close in. Sweat accumulating along her brow as she tried to focus on the baby in her arms.
"Chibs better effing appreciate the fact that I came all this way." Jensen whispered mostly to the baby but aware that everyone else could hear her. They crept up the floors before the doors squeaked open and Jensen could let out a breath. She really hated small spaces.
"Jen there is a gift shop over there." Leo pointed out the tacky flowers stand with small gift bears and cheap looking 'get well soon' cards. "Can we get Mister Chibs something?"
"Yeah sure." Jensen nodded mostly to get a moment away from them and collect her thoughts. "Here, take this." She handed him a fifty-dollar bill that was crumpled from resting in the pocket of her jeans. "And you guys can get him whatever you want."
It wasn't until the three older kids were out of hearing range before Jensen let the pain she was feeling show on her features. Her breathing was ragged and every time she shifted even the slightest in any direction a sharp pain would shoot up her side and land in her armpit.
"Hun, I know you don't like it but you are going to need some painkillers if you plan to keep up with all the kids you got running under your feet. Three babies is hard enough but almost adopting Kenny and Ellie will kill you."
"I know. Liam's been saying the same thing for a while." Jensen nodded. "I just don't want to be like every other adult figure Leo has had in his life. My grandfather was a great man but he was flawed, and you've met my father, my mother is even worse than that. Leo needs someone strong in his life."
"You can be strong and admit to the pain." Gemma coaxed. "Here, I have some Vicodin in my purse, just take one and you'll feel better." She handed her the small white pill.
"Fine but I won't do it again. Just this once." Jensen warned.
"You got it. I'm not looking to make you a druggie; I'm just trying to make sure you can take care of all of these kids because even with you injured you are going to have to be in charge. Jax cares about you but he doesn't know how to take care of a bunch of kids."
"I know, he couldn't even make a cup of coffee this morning without breaking the coffee maker." Jensen smirked before she popped the pill into her mouth and washed it down with a small sip of water.
"Ms Jensen, look at the flowers we bought!" Ellie called as she ran down the hall with a large bouquet of dahlias. "Aren't they beautiful?" She asked with a smile.
"They are gorgeous, Ellie, it's a good thing you went with those boys. Men sometimes need to be told what they want."
"Thanks Ms Jensen." She smiled before turning a rosy pink as she looked at Leo with a nervous smile.
"Alright, lets go see the man of the hour." Jensen broke through the tension as she looked for the room given to Chibs.
They made their way down the hall before they came to his room. Jensen didn't bother to knock, figuring in the middle of the day he wouldn't have too many private guests.
"Yoo-hoo!" She called as the door opened. "I brought the little humans! They make everyone feel bet -" Her words were cut off as they saw a woman with beautiful olive skin leaning over his bed placing a very intimate kiss on Chibs.
"Ahh yuck!" Leo exclaimed as he slapped a hand over his eyes. "Mister Chibs!"
"I'm sorry!" Jensen exclaimed. From her position in front of Gemma she couldn't see the glaring contest the two women were having. "I didn't realise, that is I mean, sorry." She fumbled for words.
"That's alright Jensen." Chibs muttered as he kept his head resting on the pillow. "Jensen, I'd like for you to meet Fiona, my wife."
"Oh."
