Title: Rewriting Destiny
Chapter 29 – Where You Belong
'He'll tell you a story…a lie…he wants charity…there for his own amusement…he'll come crawling back when he needs something.'
Chase's mind swirls around and around, his core enflaming even more and his body starting to feel slightly feverish. You feel sick because of anxiety…it'll pass…you just need…"No…it'll never pass…" he mutters, unaware of House's presence behind him.
His watery eyes stare down at his cold bare feet, his mood sinking lower and lower as he tries to think on anything but the past few hours – but he can't. All he can see is House toasting his father and then laughing that his son only tells lies for sympathy.
House notices Chase's arms trying to pull the flimsy PPTH lab coat around this shivering frame and slowly takes off his jacket and nears the younger man; his heart racing as to what kind of reception he'll receive. He wouldn't have to wait too long to find out.
As soon as House drapes his warm jacket around Chase's shoulders Chase's body rejects the jacket but bucking it off and then standing up and twisting around to face House with a dejected expression. "You're shivering," House states simply as his heart instantly sinks at gazing upon his slightly puffy eyes and somewhat peaked expression. He knows Chase threw up and the tears were probably a mixture of hurt and betrayal – his body was on fire and he looks like he's ready to collapse. But House knows a simple entreaty to just take it easy will be well received.
"I don't care!"
"Well I do!"
"No…you don't! No one cares…"
"Why did you run Robert?" House asks in misery. "Why didn't you stay and confront me? Why?"
"Something else I'm a failure at? Maybe you want to call him up and toast that TOO! Your son has no backbone! All he knows how to do is run! Let's have a bloody DRINK!" Chase's voice ends with an angry shout before he backs down but continues to look at House with an angry expression. "I saw the toast! You also laughing at all the lies he's telling you I tell people? Or perhaps you…you believed him?"
"No."
"Why were you there today?"
"Robert…"
"Why!" Chase demands as his voice lowers. "Why…did you go see him today? Just to stick it to me?"
Oh God…no…does he really think I'd hurt him on purpose? Just tell him the truth…House knows that no matter what he tells Chase right now, it will hurt him but it's something he can't avoid. Get it over with…."First off for the record I know it hurt you see me there but I hope you believe I'd never go there to hurt you on purpose. When I learned who your father was I…was presented with a puzzle and you know how much I like…am obsessed with puzzles," House pauses as the sky overhead threatens to open up and rain down a cold shower upon them. "Your father is a millionaire and yet you…I found you living like a homeless person and…"
"And you didn't believe me?" Chase manages as his throat seizes and his eyes water. "Is that why you didn't tell me?"
"I wanted to hear his excuse…his reason for sending you away to live in the streets when he…obviously had the means to take care of you."
"And it's because I was bored right? Wanted charity or for my own amusement? Or…or to get sympathy? That's why I made everything up? IS IT!" Chase tosses back bitterly as he finally is able to swallow back some fluid emotion.
"Whatever I say right now will hurt you because you are going to internalize it."
"Oh…really?" Chase tries to argue as he slightly sniffles; House nodding in agreement. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did…"
"Would you have told me not to go?"
"Yes!" Chase half shouts and then tries to pull the jacket around his shoulders a bit tighter.
"Here take my ja…"
"NO! I don't want…don't need your charity! I don't need anyone's charity! I don't need…anything."
"Yes you do," House replies firmly but simply. "You need love."
The whole barrage of angry words that Chase had all lined up to spew forth stops instantly. Love? No…no I don't need…yes…you do need love…you know you do. "No," Chase whispers as he gently shakes his head.
"Yes," House pushes back. "Yes…yes you do."
"No…I never needed it," Chase whispers sadly as House's heart tugs at his inner core. "Please…just leave me…I need to be alone."
"Under any other circumstances I would grant your wish but not this time. You're too emotionally distraught and I don't think you really want to be by yourself."
"But…" Chase starts in his defense.
"Please Robert," House's tone drops from one of fatherly concern to that of almost outright begging. "I owe you the whole truth."
"No…I don't want to hear anymore! I'm sorry I went there in the first place! I'm sorry I told…I never told you who my father was."
"No that I found out all on my own. I saw his name when something slipped from your wallet and I…I had to know."
"Know what?"
"I went to see Rowan Chase today because I wanted to ask for myself what kind of monster would send a brilliant but broken young man out into the world with only the clothes on his back and the promise that if he came begging back he'd help him then?"
"But…" Chase tries again; House's words rendering him more and more emotionally defenseless. "I…I hate my father. I'd never go back."
"So why did you go today if you knew it'd only cause you more pain?" House asks gently.
"To see if I could look him in the eye and then walk away. And I did," Chase concludes with a curt nod of confirmation. "Which is more than you did!"
"Meaning?"
"Why did you toast him?"
"You wanted me to stay and fight for you?"
"No…I…"
"You asked me to leave," House replies pointedly. "I didn't leave when he asked because I don't give a tinkers damn about his feelings…but I do about yours."
"But…" Chase tries once more to come back with a verbal rebuttal, looking at House with a sad expression.
"And for the record, I didn't toast him. He toasted me because he came to realization that I care for his son. It was his way of mocking me," House answers in truth as Chase's brow furrows. "And then he tried to tell me a bunch of lies which after hearing them were in fact…all lies."
"He offered me a job at the local hospital and when I told him no I was leaving he said the only time he wanted to see my face again was when I came crawling back for money or a handout or a favor!"
"I know."
"He didn't care that I had to sleep on the streets or in a shelter or even eat out of a bloody garbage can! He sent me away with nothing!"
"I know."
"And he…what?" Chase's voice finally lowers long enough for him to hear House's soft agreeable statements. "But you said…you heard lies."
"That's right. They were lies. He said you weren't sleeping in the streets or a shelter or whatever and that in fact is a lie. Had I not actually seen that for myself the things you had to physically endure I wouldn't have believed you. He's a selfish ass and I told him as much just before I punched him in the face and then left."
Chase stares at House in utter shock. "But…wait…you…you hit him?"
"I did. Should have done it a few times with my cane," House huffs as he looks at Chase's shivering frame; the temperature dropping more and more. "Where are your shoes?"
"I wanted to walk in the water…helps me clear my head," Chase huffs as he gestures with his head toward the log. "You hit…him?"
"He had it coming," House declares proudly. "We need to get you someplace warm."
"Did you not trust me? Is that why you didn't tell me?" Chase keeps insisting as House's fatherly irritation continues to climb.
"I didn't want you to stop me and…and I was hoping you could have saved yourself the mental grief. About his offer…"
"I told him no…should have told him to shove it."
"Don't worry, I told him for you," House replies with a grin as he moves in a bit closer; his mind and heart aching to get the younger man someplace warm.
"You…told him for me?" Chase asks again in surprise.
"Yes. Now we have to leave."
"Why?"
"Because it's lightly raining and you're freezing."
"But…"
"A truly loving father doesn't need to resort to threats to win over his son…he only needs to tell the truth and show tender affection. I guess that's why I never had children of my own. I'm not exactly the best example of…"
But that's all House manages before Chase's actions surprise perhaps even both of them – he takes a few steps forward and wraps his arms around House's frame, hugging him tightly.
"Oh my boy," House whispers as he holds the trembling younger man closer, rubbing his back and uttering a heavy sigh. He knows he's not perfect…never has ever made that claim when it comes to anything emotional but in this instance, he was the best fatherly refuge Robert Chase could have ever hoped for. "I never meant to hurt you….would never want to hurt you on purpose."
"I went to see him…to see if he had changed," Chase confesses in remorse as his entire body shudders. "He didn't. It hurt."
"I'm sorry you had to face that today," House tries to soothe as he finally is able to wrap his jacket around Chase's trembling shoulders and gently brush a tear away, tucking a strand of blond hair behind his hear. "Still need a haircut," he gently smirks as Chase's face softens. "Let's go home."
Chase looks up with a soft, watery gaze and nods; his body begging to just go someplace warm and shut down for a few hours and reenergize. Inside…he is a lost little boy…he doesn't NEED love…he WANTS it…
House slowly walks Chase back to his car and helps him into the front passenger seat, turning on the heat and then going back to the log for his shoes and socks. The rain had already started a bit heavier and by now both were lightly covered with a thin film of cold moisture; Chase having been exposed to the elements longer would feel the brunt of it a few hours later.
"You're feet are bare," House comments as he hands him a towel, unable to lean in, in the cramped car interior and help him clean and dry his feet. "Why are they bare?" House lightly scolds as Chase's face frowns. "Well it's not good."
Chase crudely dries his feet and shoves his shoes on and then slumps back in the seat and looks at House with a heavy frown.
"How are you feeling?"
"Sick…" Chase replies in truth as he closes his eyes and leans his head back on the seat at House's urging. "Agitated….sick."
"Whatever else you want to say…just get it out. Don't let it sit inside and fester."
"When I saw you there…I thought you were no better than him…the toast…it…I'm glad you told me."
"You believe me?"
"Whenever I have asked for the truth…you've told me no matter how much it hurts me at the time. But you trust me with that and I…I respect that," Chase replies warmly as his stomach tightens. "But it still hurt to see."
House's face gently winces but he knows Chase's words to be true. How could it not affect the younger man to see someone who he had come to try to trust on his own see that man toasting the very man who had made his life an emotional hell? The truth hurt but it had come out, was explained and he hopes dealt with. Now they can just move forward and try to learn and heal from this familial fiasco.
"He was angry you defended me," Chase tells House as they near their apartment.
"He was jealous," House adds with a small frown as he brings the car to a stop. "How did you find out he was there? I'm sure it was advertised but I was curious."
"Park told me…well asked me I knew my father was speaking. I was angrier at you for not telling me than for her asking."
Ah knew it wouldn't be Wilson! "I would be too," House answers in truth as he stops the car and looks at Chase in concern. "I followed you outside after you talked to your father and saw you threw up. I hated him for making you that sick and agitated that I went back in and punched him. I might be sorry for a lot of mistakes I have made in my lifetime, but I'm not sorry about that."
"Think I'd be disappointed if you were," Chase tosses back lightly.
"Come on cheeky little boy, time to get you upstairs where it's warm."
Chase can only laugh at the comment, but since he's still not feeling too well, slowly gets out of the car and then stands in place a few seconds before continuing. His head continues to pound and he knows it's leftover emotional residue from the showdown with this father and with House.
"I'd recommend a hot shower but I think you have some mild hypothermia so I want you just to lie down in your bed and warm up for about half hour," House gently instructs as he takes his jacket from off Chase's shivering frame. He knows that anxiety and nerves are also playing a role in Chase's current condition and he can't fault the younger man for it.
"I'll just…" Chase starts as he slightly bumps into the wall.
"Robert?" House asks in instant concern as he hurries to grab his elbow to keep him upright.
"I just need to lie down. I feel dizzy."
House helps Chase get into his room and then into his bed, pulling off his shoes and then feeling his feet and uttering a small gasp. "You're feet are freezing and what…did you cut yourself? From when they were bare right?" House asks with a small huff.
"I think so…it's not bad," Chase huffs as he pulls the heavy blanket over him and then tries to roll onto his side and pull his feet under the blankets. House lets him as he leaves the room to prepare a few things. Chase looks up as House returns, plugging in a heating pad and placing it under the blanket under his feet and then starting to gently clean the wound.
"Actually it looks pretty bad. Did you step on a barnacle?"
"I uh…did I? I don't know. Thought it was just…some glass...stone mabye."
"It looks very irritated. Okay I'm going to try to push out anything that might be inside and…this is going to sting."
"Owww!" Chase's voice softly bellows as House's lips purse.
"I did warn," House sighs as he finishes cleaning the infected wound. "Now, just close your eyes and rest now," House tells Chase as he looks at the wondering expression. "Your father was right about one thing."
"What's that?"
"It is hard to resist that little lost boy look," House tells him as Chase's expression slightly warms. "Close your eyes now."
Chase does as instructed, his body still warm and his forehead somewhat clammy. His weary eyes slightly open and he looks down to see House cleaning the cut on his foot and feels his countenance droop. After all that…he still wants to care for me…tend to me…my father was wrong…
And House would add a bit more to those happy feelings for when House is done he puts a soft bandage over the cut, pulls the blanket over his feet and then stands up to go.
"You know you were wrong about one thing," House whispers as he nears Chase's face.
"What's that?" Chase asks as he looks up with a soft frown.
"You don't need to be loved...you want to be loved." With that he plants a soft kiss on Chase's forehead and turns off the small light and leaves the room.
House was right…it's what he had wanted from his birth father all his life…always knowing his place as a burden rather than an inheritance. With House…he did feel wanted…and now? Loved. With that happy thought dancing around in his mind, all but pushing aside the horrible thoughts that his father had tried so hard ingrain into his defeated heart before they parted.
Darkness easily consumes him.
XXXXXXXX
'Robert is safe at home.'
House sends the text to Wilson and then heads for the kitchen. He had seen Chase throw up but he reasons that it was from the anxiety of the situation and not the food so once he's had a rest and his body has had a chance to calm down his stomach will want something to eat…something warm and comforting.
House looks at the foldout in Chase's jacket pocket…and then holds up the card with Rowan's name and number on it. He looks at the dollar figure and feels his hatred surge even more. He always thought of his precious son as mere property. Damn him!
His eyes then drift toward Chase's salt water stained shoes and he reaches for them, taking a soft cloth to gently wipe away the crusty residue and then let his mind think upon Chase's confession about walking in in the water.
'The only thing my son loves is surfing…'
But it wasn't that…Rowan couldn't see that it was because he tried so hard to keep his son away from the thing he loved that Chase wanted to be around it more and more. House's fists tighten as he recalls Rowan's callous expression when he said his son made up tall tales for sympathy or attention or worst yet his own petty amusement. He doesn't even know his son…he lets him sleep in the street and thinks he's doing that for fun. At one time the thought had crossed House's mind that Chase was doing all that to get back at his father but it didn't seem in character for the young man he's grown so fond of.
'You care for him…'
Rowan didn't have to out rightly say the words but he could tell on the elder Dr. Chase's face that he could see right through House's emotional façade. House, however, would never deny it. And his own son…the one Rowan never called him on? That was in fact Rowan's own son – Robert Chase, whom he now has claimed as his own.
House hears Chase's angry mutter from down the hallway and can't fault him for being angry – even in his sleep. He looks at the time and then heads back to the stove to check on the homemade soup; his phone buzzing a few seconds later.
'You're the talk of social media. –Wilson.'
House's lips purse as he reads the little blurb that Wilson sent:
'Dr. House punches Dr. Chase in the jaw after some sort of lost wager. Dr. Chase didn't comment but left the conference muttering that Dr. House was the real loser and he can keep whatever he was so jealously protecting. "Whatever that means," was added by the person submitting the article.'
'Serves him right and I'm not sorry. –House' House texts back. 'I will always defend Robert to that ass. Yes I just texted the word ass. I'm going to feed my boy. See you tomorrow. –House.'
He offers a small snicker as he can almost picture Wilson's less than amused expression at his terse choice of words but doesn't care, Rowan Chase is an ass and why should he call him anything else? He nears Chase's room and stops just outside to listen.
"No father…not coming…back…hate you…hate…you…" Chase's angry whisper fades into nothingness as he rolls onto his other side; his mind not finding as much rest as he had wanted. In truth he's not tired…just mentally exhausted by having survived the cold battle of wits with his uncaring father.
He hears some shuffling and looks up to see House watching him in concern. "Did I snore?"
"No," House replies simply as he enters the room and eases himself down at the foot of the bed. "Figured you wouldn't be able to sleep much."
"Keep replaying the same scene over and over in my head. Can't seem to let it go," he huffs as he slowly sits upright in bed and looks at House with a heavy frown. "Do you think he's still here?"
"Wilson said…via the social media…whatever that your f…Dr. Chase left the conference muttering something…probably an obscenity or two in my name, hopefully on his way to the airport. And don't say sorry…I didn't expect him to play nice even to the bitter end. Wouldn't be in his cold character."
"He never loved me," Chase admits sadly as House offers him a sympathetic nod. "I kept asking myself why…what had I done so wrong? Why me? Why didn't he want to love me? I tried to always obey him and do what he said…learn my place and…"
"You never did anything wrong. Your place was to be at his side as a precious child…he never got that. It wasn't you…it never was. Sorry."
Chase's lips slightly purse as he offers House a small smile. Did he really say he loved me earlier? My father never said that…no matter what…even when I was sick or…or anything.
"Come now. Time for some soup. How are you feeling?"
"A bit…tense and a bit light headed. Somewhat queasy."
"You've had a very trying day and don't have any food in your stomach. Come have a bit of soup and bread and then rest."
Once again, Chase doesn't argue, he nods okay to House and then slowly slides out of bed, thankful that the shakes had left and his nerves had somewhat calmed. House makes a real point to not bring up the conference while Chase is eating so as not to disturb his stomach further and rebuild his agitation, instead he keeps the topic of conversation on the medical case from earlier in the day – Chase getting through the small bowl of soup without incident.
But after supper the queasiness in his stomach doesn't subside and he politely excuses himself from the table, slowly limping back to his room to change into something to wear to bed; his foot sore and not wanting any pressure on it.
"I think I just need…to sleep," he tells House as he slumps back into bed. House's hand rests against his forehead; his brow furrowing a few seconds later. "What?" Chase asks in wonder.
"You're warmer than you should be but it could be from nerves. Just relax and I'll go clean up a bit."
Chase's eyes close in an attempt to get the pounding in his head to subside but about half hour later things take another turn – this time for the worst.
"Robert?" House calls out from the kitchen as he hears rushing down the hallway and then pokes his head around the corner just in time to see Chase duck into the bathroom and throw up. "Oh no…" he gasps as he hurries toward the bathroom.
"Feel…sicker," Chase wheezes as he remains hunched over the toilet seat, both hands on the seat itself and his body gently convulsing. A small bowl of soup and a few bits of bread come up, Chase whispering 'I'm sorry' as House flushes and then turns on the cold water.
"You're burning up," House mentions as he notices the sweat stain on Chase's grey tee-shirt. He dampens a cloth and then cools Chase's face, brow and neck, helping him remove his tee and then wiping the sweat with a dry cloth. "We'll leave that off for now."
"I need…to lie down," Chase moans as he clutches his stomach; his chest and head on fire.
House helps him to bed and then lie down on his side, with his head propped up slightly so he wasn't completely vertical. But just as he helps lift his legs onto the bed, his eyes drop down to the cut on his foot and his throat catches. His fingers quickly zoom for the soiled edge of the bandage and gently press down; Chase's lips uttering a painful gasp as some pus and fluid escape the angry wound.
"Oh no…" House whispers as he slowly removes the bandage and then looks at the festering cut and up at Chase's pale expression. "The cut…it's getting worse. It's infected and I think it might be more serious than we thought."
Chase's eyes slightly flutter as his head slumps back down on the pillow.
"Robert? Robert!"
A/N: and…*exhale* oh lots of angsty goodness in this one! Of course it wouldn't be easy at first for either House or Chase but I wanted them to have the BIG TALK and have lots of emotion flying around and being expressed. House had to tell Chase the truth and be firm and in the end be the father and Chase…ah I had to get a spontaneous hug in there b/c he realizes that House does care for him and that will become even more apparent as we go along. and for those of us that have stepped on a pesky barnacle know the damage they can do! this won't be too severe but enough for some Daddy!House TLC! Please do review before you go and thanks so much!
