Chapter 29

Derek checked his watch; Meredith was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago. He was at a bar, getting a drink with some of his friends from the hospital while he waited for Meredith to get out of clinical. It had been nearly two years since Meredith had been almost raped by Steve, but Derek still found himself worrying about her from time to time. It may be irrational, but there were other people like Steve out there, ones who would do anything to sleep with a girl, or worse. And a good number of them lived in New York City. He never told Meredith of his fears, he knew she would roll her eyes, kiss him on the cheek, and tell him that he was being paranoid and that she would be fine. Which was true, but he was still allowed to worry. He was her husband.

"What's wrong Derek?" Rose said, sliding into one of the empty seats next to him. He had been with his friends for a little while, but decided to move to the bar to hang out around the time Meredith was supposed to arrive, that way she would find him almost immediately.

"Nothing Rose, I'm fine," Derek tried to sound convincing, flashing her a smile.

"Derek, you're moping over here all by yourself. What's wrong?"

"Meredith was supposed to meet me here almost twenty minutes ago. She's almost never late."

"You're worried and upset because she's not here right when she's supposed to be?" Rose scoffed disbelievingly. "Isn't that a little controlling?"

"It's not that," Derek said, a bite to his tone. "She can do whatever she wants; it's just that if she's going to be late or going out with friends, I would appreciate a head's up."

"Right, because that isn't controlling," Rose said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"You don't get it," Derek snapped, and Rose looked at him in shock. He sighed, speaking more calmly. "Sorry, but it's a long story. Something happened a couple of years ago. I can't tell you what because it happened to Meredith, but it was dangerous and bad and it scared the crap out of me. It still does scare me sometimes; that she's just going to disappear, or I'm going to get a phone call and find out that she's been hurt or, or…worse." Derek choked out the last phrase, trying to control his emotions as best he could.

"Oh," Rose said softly, looking guilty. Tentatively, she reached her hand out and placed it gently on Derek's arm, giving it a quick squeeze. "I'm sorry. You obviously have a right to be worried."

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but heard the bell above the bar ring, signaling the arrival of a new patron. Derek whipped his head around and smiled; his wife had arrived.

She looked a little frazzled as she scanned the bar. Her hair was in unruly waves, the way it falls when she gets out of the shower and lets her hair air dry, when it isn't brushed or blow dried. She had on her black coat, but only one button was done, and one of the laces on her converses was untied.

He watched as Meredith's brow furrowed as she looked throughout the crowded bar, her mouth pinching into a slight pout as she looked for him. The actual bar was the last place she looked, but they made eye contact after about three minutes. When their eyes met, she smiled, but didn't immediately head over to them. They just stared at each other for a few moments, communicating silently, giving a look that they reserve only for each other.

Suddenly, some guy bumped into Meredith as he tried to maneuver passed her, causing Meredith to stumble forward and break eye contact for a moment. Derek's fist clenched, and he got up to confront the guy, who was now about twenty feet away from Meredith, but she stopped him with a look. He had glanced over at her, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly, silently telling him that she was fine and that he was overreacting.

The jostling seemed to spur Meredith into motion; she walked to the bar quickly, moving to sit on the empty seat to his left.

"Hi," she said quietly as she leaned up to kiss him.

"Hey yourself," Derek replied as he kissed her again, a little longer and a little more deeply.

When they broke apart again, Meredith looked around Derek to greet Rose. "Hey Rose, how are you?"

"I'm good Meredith, how are you?"

"Tired," Meredith groaned, reaching to grab Derek's glass and take a sip of his scotch, wincing as it slid down her throat.

"Alright," Rose said, standing up. "Now that you no longer look depressed, I'm going to head back to the table. See you tomorrow Derek, bye Meredith."

"Bye," the couple said in unison before Meredith turned around to face Derek. "Why were you looking depressed?"

"You were late," Derek shrugged, trying to play it off. "I was getting worried."

Meredith didn't role her eyes or groan at him like he expected her to, she simply smiled. "I'm sorry, but I got thrown up on with ten minutes left in my shift, so I had to go shower. Figured you wouldn't want a wife that smells like vomit hanging around you all night."

Derek laughed, his arms draping around her waist for a few moments. "Bad day, huh?"

"Ugh, the worst," Meredith moaned. "I'm just started my oncology clinical rotation, and on my first day I got stuck with pediatric oncology. It was so freaking depressing! I almost burst into tears about five times today when working with the kids."

"So oncology isn't in your future?"

"No, absolutely not," Meredith shook her head firmly. Derek pulled her into a gentle hug trying to comfort her and make her feel better about her bad day. It seemed to work; Meredith rested her head against his chest and sighed deeply, seemingly content. Eventually, they broke apart, but Meredith soon captured his lips in a searing kiss, one almost too intimate for a public setting. When Meredith pulled away again, she smiled at him.

"Thank you for making me feel better," she said honestly.

"Anytime," Derek replied.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Meredith said, a smirk on her face.

"I do," Derek responded eagerly, jumping out of his chair and leading her to the door.

XXXXXX

Derek had a feeling.

He didn't know why, but he felt like he would be having a bad day. He glanced at the OR Board as he passed by, walking quickly through the hallway. He had a spinal tumor resection in an hour and a half, but that was it. Other than that, he would be doing paper work, hopefully getting off work at a decent hour to cook Meredith a really nice dinner. It was technically their six year anniversary; six years since they had that coffee date when he was just an intern and she was a freshman in college, and they were by far the best seven years of his life. Meredith didn't really do anniversaries. She had refused to celebrate their relationship every month, as much as he wanted to, but she enjoyed celebrating another year together each September. However, when they got married almost a year and a half ago, Meredith firmly told him that she would not lavishly celebrate two anniversaries, and that from now on they would only do something to mark their wedding day. But that didn't mean that Derek didn't try. He always tried to do something nice for her today, and although she rolled her eyes and teased him a little, he knew she secretly loved it. He had left roses on the table for her this morning, meant to be a surprise for her when she woke up. When he got home, he planned to cook her favorite, chicken parmesan, and enjoy a nice bottle of wine, and just spend the night with her. The love of his life.

But for some reason, he could not shake the feeling that was churning in the pit of his stomach. Something was going to happen today, he just knew it. It was only a matter of when and where.

XXXXXX

"Dr. Shepherd, v-fib!" One of the scrub nurses shouted as the machines around him started blaring.

"Damn it!" Derek cursed under his breath. He had just nicked one of veins in the spine, and the patient was starting to bleed out. But he couldn't do anything about it because he needed both of his hands to resect the tumor from the patient's neck.

"I had a feeling," Derek muttered, trying to focus on what he should do next, but he had no idea. He was blanking, and he was stuck. Either the patient bled out, or the tumor, which was already partially resected, could slip and do serious nerve damage to the patients neck. Crap crap crap, was all Derek could think, standing stone still as he watched the people around him speed around him, trying to save the patient.

"Dr. Shepherd," a familiar voice said after what felt like an eternity, but was maybe only a few seconds. Derek didn't respond, paralyzed. "Derek," the voice said, more quietly, gently. It was then that Derek jerked his head up from the patient, staring into the brown eyes of the scrub nurse that he had befriended over his two months here.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"No," Derek snapped. "He's bleeding out because I cut his vein, but I can't do anything about that because I'm holding on to the tumor, and letting it go can cause a lot of damage."

"Okay," Rose said calmly. "Do you want me to page cardio?"

"Yes, but it won't be fast enough. I need to do something now."

"What do you need?"

Derek thought for a moment. It could work, or it will at least keep the patient alive until someone from cardio comes. "Page someone from cardio, and then get right back here."

It only took Rose twenty seconds, but the machines were still beeping, and it made Derek uneasy. When she was standing by his side, Derek turned to look at her.

"Do you know how to use the surgical instruments?" Derek asked.

"Except for the scalpel, yes."

"Good," Derek nodded, this could work. "I need you to take the clamp and put it right where I tell you to, okay?"

Rose nodded, and Derek watched as she picked up the clamp, her hands shaking.

"Calm down," Derek said gently, trying to make her calm. "I can't have your hands shaking; it won't be good for the patient."

Rose looked at Derek, fear in her eyes. After staring at each other for a moment, the fear decreased, and Derek was able to guide her to the spot to clamp the vein. The beeping almost stopped immediately, and Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

"What do I do now?" Rose asked.

"You hold the clamp while I finish the resection or until someone from cardio comes," Derek said, smiling through his mask. "Good work."

Rose was silent, but he could tell she was smiling back.

XXXXXX

Derek and Rose were the last two scrubbing out of surgery two hours later. The surgery had gone smoothly after the bleed, a cardio resident came in after about a half an hour to stitch up the vein, and the patient was expected to make a full recovery.

"You saved his life," Rose noted as they washed their hands.

"I resected the tumor, prevented the patient from becoming paralyzed, but no, you saved his life." Derek smiled, turning to face her. He flinched as he faced her; Rose was a lot closer than he expected her to be.

She smiled at him, and he smiled back, unsure of the reaction. He wasn't sure what happened, but the next thing he knew, Roses lips were on his.

It took Derek a second to react, but once he processed it, he stepped backwards immediately, almost shoving Rose away. His stomach clenched, and he felt sick. He could tell that his expression was one of horror and disgust simply by the way that Rose was reacting to him. Her face was confused with a little bit of guilt, and Derek couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Derek…," Rose began, but Derek shook his head as he felt bile rise in his throat.

"No," Derek said deeply as he turned around, beginning to exit the scrub room.

"Derek!" Rose called after him, but Derek didn't answer. He sprinted to the nearest bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach, unable to believe he had just shared a kiss with a woman who wasn't Meredith.