Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own Priestward and PottymouthBella.

All plotlines, characterizations, and details in Bring On The Wonder belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without the author's authorization.

©2010-2011 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide

This story is rated M for a reason. Violence, swearing, religion being made fun of and criticized. And lemons at the right time.

This story leans heavily on my BETA Parama. She doesn't just make sure my grammar is bearable, she also helps me put my thoughts into order, has great suggestions and is always supportive even when giving constructive criticism. She's my BETA and my friend!


CHAPTER 27: IN GOD WE TRUST

"Edward….Edward."

Someone was calling my name. A soft alluring voice that beckoned me; a voice I desperately wanted to follow.

"Come with me…"

I was walking in what appeared to be a white fog, or maybe they were clouds, thick white clouds. It looked a little like how heaven was sometimes portrayed in movies.

I couldn't make out the features of a face; all I saw was a pair of chocolate eyes with shimmering, golden specks in them.

They belonged to my fallen angel. And I was confident she would lead me to where I needed to go.

"Bella?"

"Trust me," the angel's voice whispered. "Everything will make sense if you follow me."

The path I was on was noticeably unclear but I just kept walking until I stumbled upon a white clothed figure.

It was not the angel.

It was Jacob.

"Jacob, you're here," I exclaimed.

My best friend stood there smiling. He was still the same thirteen year old, not aged at all. Forever frozen in time. I looked myself over and noticed I was my thirteen year old self too. But then I realized the angel was gone. Had she led me here? To Jacob?

"Bella?" I whispered.

"She's good looking, right?" Jacob grinned.

I frowned, not understanding him. "She?"

"Bella, silly! She's hot!" he clarified when he noticed my confusion. "Duh!"

Bella? How could Jacob know about Bella? He had never met her.

"Is this heaven?" I asked dumbly, thinking it sure looked like heaven, or at least the path to what could be heaven.

Jacob shrugged. "Don't know. Could be. I don't like this area. Too plain, boring. And this fog itches, doesn't it? Anyway, back to Bella. I mentioned she's hot, right? "

It was strange that Jacob was so enthusiastic about Bella; he acted like a teenage boy fawning over a half naked centerfold (I had seen Emmett do that), pretending he had known Bella for years.

I knew that people sometimes had lucid dreams; dreams where you were aware of the fact that you were dreaming. I figured I must be experiencing that now. There was no way this could be real because Jacob had never met Bella and while I currently looked like a thirteen year old, I understood that was my twenty three year old mind that knew this was a dream.

"How do you know her?"

Jacob grinned. "Maybe I sent her."

"Edward…"

The soft voice was back. Bella was back.

"Looks like she is calling you," Jacob commented. "Man, I wish there were hotties like her around here."

"Hmm…" I mumbled, distracted.

"Or…maybe she's your calling," Jacob mused. "I never really got that part. You know, who's calling who. I do know there are no telephones involved," he said teasingly.

"My calling came when you died," I argued.

Jacob shook his head, laughing dryly. "Be real, Edward. You're not thirteen anymore."

He gestured at me as I morphed into my twenty three year old self.

This was definitely a dream. A confusing, riddle-filled dream.

"What does all this mean?"

"What is it that people say? Dreams are meaningful?" Jacob suggested with a chuckle. "Or maybe you got the wrong call before."

"What do I do?"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "You were always blind to things. Marcy Lipner had a huge crush on you when we were ten and you didn't see it. You believed she thought you looked like a scrawny boy with chicken legs and wanted to fatten you up by bringing you Twinkies every day. But she was totally flirting. Hmm, I wonder how she is."

Marcy Lipner? What did she have to do with anything? I vaguely remembered the Twinkies – well, I remembered how Jacob always ate them, but Marcy had moved to California years ago and I hadn't thought of her since.

"I don't understand…"

"No kidding. Just open your eyes. Wake up."

"Edward," the angel called out to me again and it felt like something touched me. It was definitely not Jacob because he stood a few feet away. And I could feel myself being pulled away from my best friend, who gave me a wave before literally vanishing into thin air. I knew I was about to wake up.

"Wake up," the voice called but it wasn't as soft and alluring as before. Maybe heaven had really good acoustics.

"Mom?"

Okay, I was reaching. If I was waking up and the voice demanding me to do so was real and in my room, then no way it could be Bella. Of course, there was no reasonable argument to assume it was my mother either. So I looked foolish in my half conscious state.

"No, I'm not your mom," the soft voice told me before shaking me again. "I'm the tooth fairy."

Alright, definitely not my mother. Glad to have that confirmed. But then…tooth fairy? Was this a joke? My barely conscious self was definitely full of questions.

"Tooth…fairy?" I croaked because my voice was thick with sleep. "But I didn't lose a tooth."

Brilliant argument, Edward. You really have to wake up now.

I moved my head a little and slowly opened my eyes to determine what was going on.

I blinked again the light a few times until I lifted my head into the direction of the voice that was trying to wake me. I was surprised to find myself staring in the deep, brown pools that were Bella's eyes.

The angel in the flesh. Or was this still a dream?

"Morning, choirboy." She chuckled.

Not a dream then.

"I can guarantee that your neck will hurt like a bitc- a lot."

My neck? What did my neck have to do with anything?

"Bella?" I frowned. "Where's the tooth fairy? Is this a dream?"

The questions sounded silly as they left my mouth and I had no doubt Bella would find them amusing as well.

"Well, I don't know, do you dream about me a lot?" Bella continued teasing.

I pressed my face against my arm to hide a freshly spilled blush on my cheeks, hoping Bella hadn't caught it. I dreamed about her far more than she knew. Which was a good thing because she already teased me enough as it was.

"I...uh...what are you doing in my room?" I asked, hoping that her presence would have a reasonable explanation. I tried to remember how she could have possibly ended up here but then, she had been in my bed before so maybe….

"Look around sunshine," Bella interrupted my thoughts with a scoff and a smile. "You're in my room. Butt naked too, might I add."

Her words caused me to shoot upright, instantly grabbing my neck because of the sudden movement. It felt stiff and full of knotted muscles. That explained the neck comment.

Upside, I wasn't naked. That's supposed to be an upside, right? I mean, I didn't want to be naked around Bella, did I?

Bella….tooth fairy. Right, she was full of jokes.

"Very funny... tooth fairy," I muttered, glaring a Bella. "I seem to be fully clothed."

"Alas, yes. Anyway, I couldn't help myself," Bella smiled. "You and nudity is an endless source of funny material."

"Glad I amuse you."

"You do amuse me with your innocence. So, how's the neck?"

"Stiff."

"That's what you get from sleeping in a chair."

I remembered now. Bella had begged me to stay with her and I had spent the night in the chair by her bed. I must have dozed off at some point and slumped over, which now caused my neck to hurt and apparently my brain to be so scattered.

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't have much of a choice, now did I?" It's not like I could have left her alone after she had begged me to stay.

"I have a sofa too," Bella suggested. "And this bed is more spacious than it looks," she added with a wink, causing my mouth to drop. Was she hinting that I should have slept in the bed with her? Why would she say that? And why did my mind wander for a second to thinking about what that would be like and then back to the naked truth that was me not being naked, so there should be no desire for me to be. I didn't want to be naked. No naked Edward.

Or Bella.

I needed a lot of coffee.

"Of course if I had found you up close and personal, drooling all over my face, I would have clubbed you," Bella grinned, instantly taking away the tension, which relieved me.

"Says the girl whose stinky feet were near my face," I teased as I rose to stretch. Of course her feet didn't smell at all. But if she wanted to tease me, I would tease right back. It was better than thinking of inappropriate nudity issues, joke or not.

I noticed from the corner of my eye that Bella watched me intensely as I tried to get some of the soreness out of my neck and upper body. I didn't understand why she was so fixated on it though but perhaps she thought I looked frumpy in the morning. Good thing she couldn't read my mind. That would be an endless source of funny material for her right about now.

Then Bella averted her eyes and huffed. "My feet are not stinky," she muttered as she got up too.

I smiled before turning serious, remembering what a wreck she had been last night and why I had ultimately ended up with a sore neck. Sure, she seemed fine now but I hadn't forgotten the way she had acted the night before. It had been more than just an emotional outburst. She had looked so broken. Someone didn't just snap back from that and pretend everything was normal. Though Bella's teasing this morning did make it seem like she was able to separate the terror from the rest of her life. Or maybe she just had a lifetime of repressing the bad things whenever they bubbled up.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine," Bella mumbled. It was evident she was not going to share any more than that. The wall was back up.

"Fine? Really. After that meltdown last night, you feel fine?" I said incredulously.

Bella shrugged as if it was no big deal and that irritated me. How could she be so dismissive about something that had paralyzed her ten hours earlier.

"Bella?"

"I am fine, okay? No meltdowns," she said. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night. That was unfair to you. Thank you for staying with me, I appreciate it. I feel much better now."

I frowned but decided not to push further. There was no point. Bella was too stubborn to give in and I had no time to argue with her now.

"Okay, if you say you're fine then who am I to disagree."

That effectively ended our talk. Clearly Bella preferred to hide behind a façade instead of trusting me with an explanation. I knew that it would take time for that to change.

I could wait. Well, for a little while at least.


I left Bella's apartment after I reluctantly declined breakfast because I had to run home before my first class would start. Before I left we had agreed to meet up at the diner after my classes would end. I was pleasantly surprised that Bella had decided to go to work instead of running away from the conflicts that her colleagues apparently enjoyed to create. Once again it showed she was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for.

After my first two classes, I had a forty minute break, in which I called my mother because earlier this morning I had realized that my parents might still be under the assumption that I was at the Holy Spirit Center in Anchorage, Alaska. After all, I had never told them that my plans had changed.

And indeed, my mother was very surprised when I told her.

"Edward, dear, I'm not sure I understand. I thought you were going to Alaska for that retreat? You didn't go?"

"No, I didn't. Something got in the way," I said. "A change in plans."

"What happened?" my mother asked and I could hear the worry in her voice.

"No need to worry," I assured her. "I'll explain later. How are Emmett and Rosalie?"

"I visited them on Monday. Rosalie is truly not doing very well; she is closing herself off. Emmett is very worried about her. He hates that he can't be with her all day."

"Did Emmett go back to work?"

"Yes, he had to. That's one of the downsides of owning your own business. You can't stay away too long."

"That's true. I'll give him a call later to see how he's doing."

"Why don't you come over tonight instead? Emmett is having dinner with us; you can talk to him then and tell us what's been going on with you."

My mother sounded excited at the suggestion. I knew how much she valued our family dinners, therefore I hesitated in giving her an answer. Officially I didn't have any plans tonight, so it shouldn't have to be a problem to accept my mother's invitation. But I was supposed to meet Bella at the diner later and I didn't know if we were going to spend time together after.

What I did know, was that I wanted to spend another night with her and that I was getting past the shock of feeling that way. I wanted to spend time with Bella because I had feelings for her. I was still not sure what these feelings entailed but I was getting more comfortable with admitting them - well to myself - and indulging myself in acting on them a little on occasion.

And that was why I declined my mother's invitation and suggested a different time.

"I have plans," I said. "How about tomorrow night?"

"Alright, tomorrow is fine," my mother agreed. "I'll make a pot roast."

"Sounds good."

"Good. I'm glad you called, dear. Speaking of, have you spoken to your father about not going to Alaska?"

I hadn't talked to my father since I had called him to let him know that I was going to the retreat in Anchorage. Since the past few days had been such a rollercoaster, it had never occurred to me to call my parents to let them know I had never left Seattle.

"No, I haven't. Look, my next class is about to start. I'll see you tomorrow night, alright?"

"Alright, dear. Take care."

"I will. Have a good day, Mom."


After my final class of the day I went to the diner where I found Bella busy with clearing tables and cleaning up. I stood there, observing her for a while until she noticed me and called me out for "stalking" and showing up earlier than agreed. After some teasing back and forth I settled in to work on a school assignment while Bella finished her shift. The assignment focused on human behavior. I had to observe five random people for thirty minutes and describe their physical appearance; what they looked like, their mannerisms and how they behaved. I was trying to write a general analysis of that. I had no idea what the exact purpose was, but after seeing Bella's co worker, Nessie, acting superior around Bella, making it seem like she was incapable of doing her job, I decided to observe this foe of Bella's for a bit.

She was very predatory; like an animal stalking a prey, whether it was sexually when it came to men or with authority when it came to interacting with her co workers. She was, for example, just as mean to Bella's red haired colleague as she was to Bella with giving orders and she didn't seem to do any work herself. It was evident however, that there were plenty of insecurities underneath the enhanced and oddly plastic exterior.

I was done with my assignment a few minute before Bella's shift ended. Once she was changed back into her normal attire – it did not escape me that she was carrying MY hoodie – and it came down to deciding how we spend the evening, I practically demanded Bella to cook for me, which was a risky move on my part because she could have refused because of my forwardness. But thankfully she didn't and so we ended up cooking and eating Beecher's World's Best mac and cheese at my apartment. It truly tasted very good and I was pleased that there would be leftovers.

During cooking and eating we had talked about light topics and Bella had teased me aplenty about my lack of cooking skills while I had amused her by flushing red every time she made a comment filled with what seemed to be sexual innuendo.

The lightness of our conversation lasted a little after dinner when Bella looked over my assignment, while I made us tea. I sat down next to her once the tea was ready and served. The strange electricity between us hummed pleasantly when our legs brushed against one another because my sofa wasn't that big, but Bella was too focused on the fact I had used Nessie for my assignment that she failed to notice and comment.

"You watched Nessie for thirty minutes? I guess that explains why she claimed you were flirting with her."

I told her that was a ridiculous assumption on Nessie's part and explained why I chose her before Bella suggested to drop the subject.

I don't know at what point the mood shifted but everything changed when we got to talking about Rosalie and Emmett. I mentioned Rosalie would go to the small town of Forks to spend time with her family. Bella's reaction to that was more than surprising to say the least. Not only did she seem to have heard of Forks, but it also had an equally alarming effect on Bella similar to the TV showing the basilica Santa Maria Maggiore the day before.

This time though instead of freaking out, Bella went numb. And quiet. She was miles away and light-years back to something that still terrified her to this day.

As much as I hated to use her fragile mind to get some answers, I couldn't bear to see her suffer alone and in silence and so I had to ask about what was frightening her so much.

"Bella, who is Aro?"

The question instantly created more heaviness between us. For a moment, Bella looked hesitant; like she wanted to confide in me. But mostly there was a deep pain etched on her face. Like she had been kicked in the stomach. And still she just sat there, quiet and lost in the memories of whatever incredible trauma had damaged her so deeply.

It was a miracle she managed to function on a daily basis, given the unfathomable pain that had taken root deep inside her; a pain that I could sense every minute I was with her but could never wrap my head. But Bella was resilient. Whatever haunted her at night didn't seem to impair her during the day. To be able to shift between those emotions proved her strength. No matter how big the trauma, Bella still had the kind of strength I had never seen in anyone else.

"Bella?" I tried again. I hated to see her shield herself to the point where it was impossible for me to reach her.

"Bella please tell me," I begged. "Who is Aro? What has he done to you?"

Bella didn't speak. There were no tears, no struggle like the night before. Just a deafening and very frightening silence.

I reached out to touch her, to let her know I was here for her and that whoever this Aro was, he couldn't hurt her anymore. But when my hand brushed against Bella's arm with the purpose of comforting her, she jumped up like a wounded animal that had been cornered and started yelling.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed, as she moved farther away from me. "Don't you fucking touch me!"

"Bella," I said gently, hoping my voice would calm her, "It's alright. I won't touch you. I won't do anything. I just want to help you."

For a moment it seemed that Bella heard me; a deep sob escaped her and she doubled over, like she was in pain. Clutching her stomach she tried to compose herself but it was impossible. Her breathing became erratic and she started to hyperventilate.

"I don't want to remember," she cried. "You have to stop asking me!

"Please," she begged. "Please make it go away."

"Bella…." I said, approaching her with my hands to my sides so she could see I wouldn't touch her unexpectedly. "I will stop asking. But please tell me how I can help you."

Bella looked up and stared at me for a few seconds and in those moments I could read a world of fear and pain in her eyes. It was beyond my comprehension, beyond my power.

"You can't," Bella whispered. "No one can help me."

"Try me."

"No," Bella said, harsh and resolute. "You can't help me! I don't want it!"

"Bella..."

"I said NO!" she yelled before running out the door.

I went after her but she was fast. I could hear her running down the stairs and I struggled to catch up. I finally managed to reach the main hall of my apartment building where Bella was catching her breath.

"Leave me alone, Edward," Bella demanded frantically. "Let me go!"

"Bella, I don't want to scare you and I don't want to pressure you but you're upset. I don't feel comfortable letting you go home alone."

"I can't stay," Bella sniffed. "Please let me go home."

I was stuck with the dilemma of giving Bella what she wanted versus keeping her safe. My heart ached with the idea that she couldn't confide in me, that whatever troubled her was too much for her to put into words and share.

"Please, Edward," Bella begged me.

"Alright," I relented with a defeated sigh. "But promise to call or text me when you're home."

Bella nodded and then left.

I spent the next hour worrying about her, praying she would make it home safely. I also tried to make sense of her fear and her desperation to shut people out.

I knew so little about Bella, besides the fact she had consistently gotten extremely upset at the mention of three things. The basilica in Rome; the Santa Maria Maggiore, the mention of Forks and the mystery behind someone named Aro. Other than that she was a complete mystery. I did remember that during one of the group sessions Bella had mentioned that she didn't want to end up like her mother so maybe that factored into the trauma somewhere as well. As far as normal things from her past I knew little except for a tidbit about her father liking sports. But nothing else.

The more I tried to make sense of it, the more I tried to put these clues into the puzzling enigma that was Bella, the more frustrated I became.

The whole point of having a buddy in the Redemption Program was that she needed someone she could trust. If she didn't trust me, then how could I help her as part of the Program? Also, I was her friend and friends should be able to trust each other.

And Bella had run away from me again. That was very frustrating as well.

I struggled with my thoughts for a good hour until my phone buzzed once to alert me I had one new text message.

It was from Bella.

Made it home. I'll see you tomorrow for group therapy. Night, Edward. Ps. I'm really sorry.

I let out a sigh of relief, glad she was at least safe although it didn't give me any answers.

But I was determined to get them.

I hope you can get some sleep. Goodnight Bella. I'll see you tomorrow.


I woke up the next morning feeling exhausted because I'd had very little sleep. My night had been filled with the same dream I'd had the night before. Bella would beckon me to follow her and when I did she would lead me to Jacob who would tease and speak of callings and such.

But this time there had been a twist; the heavenly atmosphere had shifted to the horror of the accident that had taken Jacob's life. I'd had nightmares about this before; nightmares where I always failed to save Jacob. Except when I tried to save Jacob in this dream, his face would twist into Bella's. So I'd failed to save her as well.

The aftermath of my night made the frustration about Bella's problems and her unwillingness to share even bigger and that emotion continued to follow me when I went to the community center to meet up with Bella for our group therapy session.

I found her standing outside the community center, looking distracted. Her face was downcast and it wasn't until she looked up and spotted me that I could tell that she too hadn't had the best of nights. She looked exhausted.

I gave her a small wave before I reached her which caused her to smile a little. But her eyes looked dull and the bags underneath them led me back to my initial frustration. Why could she not confide in me? I wanted to lift her burden and make her feel lighter. Why couldn't she let me?

"Good morning," I greeted evenly.

"Morning," Bella mumbled.

"How do you feel?" I couldn't help but ask.

Bella's face morphed from timid to slightly irritated. "Fine," she muttered.

I wanted to scoff at her answer because it was getting old. I was tired and frustrated with my patience running very low. But I knew it wasn't the appropriate time to confront Bella and so I tried my best to stay neutral because I didn't like conflict for the sake of conflict and I did believe Bella's participation in the group session shouldn't be jeopardized by getting her upset from a possible argument started by me.

"Let's go inside, it's cold out here," I suggested.

Bella nodded and followed me inside. It turned out we were early because we were the first ones there.

"I hate group sessions," Bella complained as we waited in the lounge of the community center. "I still fail to see the point of them."

"I know you do."

"Plus, Doctor Whatshisface is a quack."

I knew she was trying to break the ice and take away some of the tension between us but my mood didn't leave much room for accommodation.

"So you keep telling me."

"Edward," Bella grumbled. "Stop doing the disinterested muttering thing. It's annoying."

"You know what's also annoying? When something from your past upsets you to the point you either get extremely upset and lash out or go apathetic and then when I ask you about it, you refuse to tell me anything. All I want to do is help you and you walk out on me.

…and it's not the first time you've done that either."

I sounded harsh and bitter because I could no longer keep it in. How was I supposed to help Bella when she kept shutting me out? And it irritated me that she was so blasé when I had experienced firsthand how she crumbled from the pain and heartache she was feeling. She could deny it, dismiss it and pretend it didn't exist in the safety of the things that didn't remind her of her past but I couldn't allow her to keep running from it. I would be a terrible friend if I ignored her troubles.

Bella was glaring at me and opened her mouth for what I assumed would be a snarky come back but before she could, Alice came bounding in and for once I was glad for the interruption.

"Morning, you two. Looks like you are the first ones here. If you want coffee, there's a fresh pot in the therapy room."

"I could sure funking use some," Bella muttered angrily before she excused herself and left.

"She's not a morning person," I shrugged when Alice gave me a questioning look.

"Hmm, sounds more like she's not an Edward person at the moment. What's going on?"

"We are just having a little argument about trust," I said dismissively.

"That's not a very little thing," Alice argued. "Trust is the base of everything."

"Well, it's between Bella and me," I said. This was not something I wanted to discuss with Alice.

But she was relentless.

"Jasper told me about what happened the other night. That Bella came to Cowgirls and left with some guy."

"She did." I nodded.

"You know, a setback like that is somewhat expected because hardly any person gets their life in order in one attempt. Lots of people fall off the wagon, some even multiple times. And Bella is susceptible to that behavior because of her direct surroundings."

"I know that," I interrupted. "But Bella didn't fall off any wagon. She is here, isn't she? Ready for a group session."

"Yes but come on, Edward; she LEFT with a guy. To have sex with him. Paid sex. Which she probably did. Just because she is here today and still willing to try, doesn't mean you can stick your head in the sand and deny that it happened..."

I snorted. There was no way for me to deny what had happened Monday night. I'd been there for the visual that I wasn't going to forget anytime soon.

"You know, if you two are really having trust issues, maybe we need to consider separate counseling sessions where you can talk about this."

More counseling? With individual and group sessions – both of which Bella hated – I knew I would never be able to convince her that adding more counseling would help her.

"I don't think that's a very good idea right now," I said. "Bella has plenty of counseling going on as it is. I don't want to put additional pressure on her."

"Fair enough. So, I take it the reason things are tense between you two has to do with what happened the other night. Jasper said you came to the club to stop her. That must have been some experience for you."

"It was new," I admitted. "But it's my responsibility to look out for Bella, so that's what I did."

"And now that she has reverted back to her old ways, even if just for a night, you are having issues with trust. It's understandable."

I shook my head, not enjoying the assumption Alice made. Bella and I had trust issues but surprisingly, they had little to do with what had transpired on Monday. And while it still bothered me immensely that I failed to stop her from having sex with that guy, I trusted Bella enough to not just idly believe but actually know she would not do it again. The fact she had gotten back on the proverbial horse that was the Redemption Program by working at the diner and being here today for our group therapy session meant she was still serious about getting her life in order. And she had me to lean on for support.

And that was the exact reason for my frustration. Bella had me to support her but she didn't seem to trust me enough to let me in to see the parts of her that were broken. But if I didn't get to see those parts, how was I supposed to help her? Dealing with and trying to heal those broken parts was elemental to her recovery.

"I haven't reverted back to anything," Bella's voice sounded icy, as she came walking back in with two plastic cups of coffee, one of which she handed to me. "Whatever Edward and I are dealing with, is between us. Please go and meddle somewhere else."

I wanted to smile because I didn't often see someone put nosy-Nelly Alice in her place but to my surprise, Alice beat me to it. She smiled and gave Bella's arm a gentle squeeze.

"I am glad to hear that. You sound different…more…reasonable. Mature."

Bella frowned but decided against arguing. "Edward's sainthood must be rubbing off on me a bit," she said calmly.

"Maybe it is," Alice chuckled before she excused herself to welcome Doctor Eleazar, who had just entered, leaving Bella and I alone again.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to sound mean before. I just worry about you."

Bella flashed me a tiny smile but her lips barely stretched into one. "I know you mean well, I really do. But there are things that are mine. Feelings I can't… put into words and if you pressure me, I feel like I… like I will snap."

I wanted to say something but Bella walked away before I could. She didn't want to snap. I could understand that but the question remained that maybe snapping would be the ultimate thing she needed to do to move forward.

Our group session proved to be particularly challenging because, ironically, it was an exercise in trust.

"We have introduced ourselves and we have shared what we would like to accomplish with these sessions. Now, I'm sure you are all aware that your buddies simply want to help you and in order for that to work they want and need for you to trust them. And perhaps accomplishing this is the most essential goal in these sessions; open up and trust a person to help you with your recovery."

Bella was listening intently today. Normally she would roll her eyes and show her irritation very visibly but today she acted demure and respectful. There was that familiar nervous tick however, with the way she tapped her foot softly and drummed her fingers on her knee. But I knew better than to stop her by grabbing her hand. Touching her usually didn't go over well.

"But trust takes a long time to build and unsurprisingly it can be destroyed in an instant. Since it's such an important element in these sessions, your recovery and the chance of a new life, I want to do a trust exercise today."

He went to the white board to write something down.

We learn to trust only by repeatedly taking personal risk

"This is a very important mantra; one you must always remember, not just in the confines of these sessions but also in your everyday life. Unfortunately, all of you have experienced the negative effects of taking personal risks and it has made you very cautious. Your trust has been damaged over and over…

…however, that doesn't mean you can't trust people ever."

At that point he walked towards the back of the room, where two flip charts stood; positioned a few feet from one another.

One of them had the words 'Almost Always' written on it while the other read: 'Almost Never'.

"Okay, this exercise is meant to talk openly about your feelings, attitudes and level of personal trust. Now, it would be too easy to read out a statement and have you stand with the flipchart that represents your own level of trust. We will start with that to get a feel of the exercise but what I really want to know is how you assess your buddy's trust. See, if you think to understand their level of trust, perhaps it will create awareness in determining how well you believe you can trust them. If you're in sync with what their level of trust actually is, it might be easier to open yourself to trusting your buddy because you understand the way they trust people.

"So, to start… I'll read out a statement and you'll decide for yourself where you want to stand. After that I'll read another one and then you have to stand where you think your buddy would stand. To clarify; buddies don't play this round, but I do want you to observe."

Bella rose, sighing. Her earlier concentration was rapidly being replaced with reluctance.

"This is so lame," she muttered.

"Just do it," I said. "It's a good exercise."

Bella shrugged but refrained from making a comeback.

Doctor Eleazar started by asking the participants the simple question; "Do you trust the predictions of your local TV weatherman?

"Remember, just the participants. George, Lisa, Jack and Bella; please go stand with the flipchart that represents your feelings."

"Seriously," Bella muttered as she started walking. "What the funk is this about."

George and Lisa went to stand on the 'Almost Always' side which indicated they believed what the weatherman would tell them. Jack was still standing near his chair – it was a surprise he was here today, given how he had claimed to care very little about participating in a possibly successful recovery – and he seemed to debate where he wanted to stand.

"Jack?"

Jack looked at Doctor Eleazar, shrugged and went to stand with George and Lisa. I believed he didn't care much either way. He didn't seem to be the type who would care much about the weather anyway.

Meanwhile, Bella had gone to stand on the 'Almost Never' side and while it shouldn't have surprised me that she wanted to show her defiant side by choosing the opposite of what her fellow participants had chosen, it saddened me to think her trust level might actually be that low.

"Bella, you are the only one standing on the Almost Never side. Can you share with us why?"

Bella stood there, chin up in recalcitrance. "Why should I trust a weatherman? What good or bad does he have to offer that it should influence my trust level?"

"Can you elaborate?" Doctor Eleazar asked curiously.

"Here's a man who tells us if it'll rain or shine. Whatever the outcome; it's a prediction. No more, no less. It shouldn't influence my personal level of trust and it doesn't."

I was astounded by Bella's explanation. Doctor Eleazar had asked a basic question and three of the four participants had decided to follow blindly and choose the obvious answer. While Bella was stubborn and liked to do the opposite of what was expected, it also showed she wasn't a follower. Of course, with her basic necessity for survival in everything she did, being a follower wouldn't have helped her out there on the streets.

"Look, I could have stood with the others but the outcome would still be the same. You can choose to trust the predictions or statements from someone who holds no power over you. Answering yes or no, never or always, won't change the fact this person has little importance in your life," Bella said. "So, it says very little about your level of trust. I trust the weather man as much as I do you and here I stand, doing this ridiculous exercise because you want me to. We all have the capacity to trust and we use it in measures we see fit. If there's no good reason to trust someone, a person won't."

Doctor Eleazar stood there, mouth a little agape. Bella had just psychologically analyzed his game.

"You make a very astute point. Unfortunately, when you claim we don't trust people we don't want to, you are forgetting about the fact the reason all of you have trust issues is probably because you once trusted people you shouldn't have. So the feeling of trust is not static; it changes and can be influenced in good or bad ways."

"Whatever." Bella shrugged. "Still makes the question if we trust a weatherman redundant."

"Well, shall we dive into the deep end then? Everyone go back to your chair. Now, I will read a statement and you will stand where you think your buddy would stand."

Everyone went back to their seats and Doctor Eleazar read out a new statement. "Do you trust that your loved ones have your best interests at heart?"

"Is that a question to answer with Almost Always or Never?" Molly wondered. "Could be interpreted as Yes or No as well."

Doctor Eleazar nodded. "Most questions could be answered that way. The point is to determine a level of trust. If you choose Almost Always your trust level could be high, while with Almost Never it might be very low."

"Fair enough."

"So… George, where would Mary stand? And Lisa, you decide for Molly."

Both hesitated but ended up choosing the 'Almost Always' side. Mary flashed George an approving smile, while Molly gave Lisa a thumbs up. I supposed that affirmed they felt their loved ones had their best interests at heart.

"Jack, Bella; your turn. Jack, where would Buck stand?"

Jack still seemed very bored but did what was asked and went to stand with George and Lisa. Buck gave a nod of approval.

"Bella, go ahead," Doctor Eleazar encouraged. "Do Edward's loved ones have his best interests at heart?"

Bella didn't look at him as she moved. Instead she halted in between the two flipcharts and flashed me an apologetic smile; a gesture I didn't understand.

"I'm going to stand here," she declared firmly.

"You have to choose a side," Doctor Eleazar pointed out.

"No, I have to determine a level of trust. Now, I guess Edward would in fact stand with the others, so I guess I'm ignoring your rules. But I think the level of trust is best portrayed in the middle."

"Because?"

"Because it would be wrong for Edward to assume his loved ones have his best interests at heart all the time."

And with that, she walked out.

I stood there for a few moments, trying to make sense of what Bella meant. Then reality kicked in and I went after her. Not just to prevent her from running as she usually did, but also to ask her why she had determined my level of trust that way, like she was deciding for me, rather than determine how I felt about that.

I found Bella outside, minus a jacket. Her eyes were closed and she was taking a few deep breaths.

"Bella?" I called. "Can you please explain what just happened there?

"And please no excuses or running off," I added.

Bella took one more deep breath and faced me. "Your dad told me at the hospital that I should consider releasing you from your responsibilities," she deadpanned without beating around the bush.

"What?"

"He obviously wants to go back to the way your life was before you met me. I guess he must really fucking want you to be the Golden Boy that fulfills the destiny he never could. And that priest guy you hang with is the same. They hate that you're helping me. They are freaking out, thinking that I might be a reason for you to choose differently."

She was definitely on fire with the analysis today.

"So that tells you they don't have my best interests at heart?"

"It does. If they truly cared, they would accept your choice to be a part of my life and let me be a part of yours."


Bella doesn't believe my family has my best interests at heart. It was with that sentiment I went inside my parents' house to have dinner with them that night.

If they truly cared, they would accept your choice to be a part of my life and let me be a part of yours. The words played in my mind over and over ever since Bella and I had finished the group session.

After the session we had gone our separate ways. It was the first time in days we didn't spend any time together for the remainder of the day and it had a numbing effect on me. I felt strangely empty and I hated how there was fresh awkwardness hanging between us now. It was tiring to always go one step forward and two steps back.

"Edward, I am so glad you're here," my mother greeted me with a hug when I stepped into the kitchen where I found her checking on the pot-roast in the oven. I gave her a kiss on the cheek in return and handed her the book about interior design I had bought with Bella at Pike Place Market.

"How thoughtful. I don't have this one in my collection." She beamed. "Thank you, dear."

I gave her a smile before going into the living room to greet my father. I was not completely surprised to find Emmett there as well.

"Hey little brother," he greeted me."How are you?"

"Fine, but more importantly; how are you? And how's Rosalie?" I asked.

Emmett gave me a sad smile, one that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm okay I guess. A little bummed that Rosie went to her parents early. She was supposed to leave on Saturday; I would drive her but she decided to go by herself this morning."

"I'm sorry about that," I offered.

"You must give Rosalie some time," my mother weighed in as she came into the living room with a tray filled with glasses of ice tea. "She was so very excited about the baby; it's very hard to let that go. She needs to come to terms with the pain she feels."

Emmett reached out to the table where my mother had set down the tray and grabbed a glass. He took a large drink before he answered. "I know, Mom. I understand she is in pain. But you know, so am I. I am hurting too. I know I wasn't as close to the baby as Rosie was and that it's different for mothers but it kills me to see her like this. I want to support her but it feels like she is slipping away from me."

I had never seen Emmett so helpless, so desperate. There was no sign of the funny, tough guy that I knew my brother to be.

"Rosalie is strong and tough," I said. "She will pull through. Just give her space and try to remind her often that you are on her side and that you love her."

"Trust me, I want to do that. I just hope she will let me. I feel helpless this way."

My father, who had refrained from offering his opinion until now, spoke up. "If you feel like you might need some guidance I'm sure Bob would be very willing to help you."

Emmett frowned and shook his head. "I don't see why I should. I mean, I'm sure it works for some people but honestly, I don't think it's for me."

"There's no harm in talking to him. He's been a friend of the family for a long time," my father countered. "He could help you with praying or counseling."

"Dad, I just don't feel comfortable talking to him, okay?" Emmett grumbled.

To my surprise, my mother chimed in to agree with Emmett. "Carlisle, please. I'm sure that Bob is very willing but if Emmett doesn't feel comfortable he shouldn't be pushed into it."

My father frowned; clearly he had expected my mother would agree with his suggestion. "I just want to help," he mumbled.

"I know, Dad," Emmett said hastily. "And I really appreciate it. But talking to a priest is more Edward's deal."

I pretended not to hear that but Emmett took that statement as an opening to change the subject to what was happening in my life.

"Speaking of, when can we expect our very own white collar in the family?" Emmett chuckled dryly.

"I am still in school, remember?" I muttered. "No white collar just yet."

"How is school, dear?" my mother wondered. "I can't believe it's your final year."

"It's going well," I said. "It's not as stressful as I had imagined."

"How's you dissertation coming along?" my father inquired speculatively. "I am very curious what your main topic will be. Have you decided yet?"

"It's about searching, finding and following guidance from a divine source," I told him.

"That sounds like a very interesting topic," my father offered. "I'd love to know more about your ideas on that."

My father smiled and I knew that in his eyes I was still that Edward. The son who'd become a priest some day. Something he could share with me. I thought about what Bella had said… that I was the Golden Boy and that my father was projecting his own dream of becoming a priest onto me without taking into account what I wanted.

Was Bella right?

How would my father feel if I chose differently? Would he still be proud of me? Or would I become a second Emmett to him? I knew it seemed harsh to diminish my brother like that and I had nothing but respect for him even if I didn't always understand his choices or beliefs, but my father had never been very close to his firstborn son. They seemed to have very little in common. I on the other hand had always shared my father's passion for books and thirst for knowledge. I had been the one to be intrigued by religion at a young age with a sense of faith that grew stronger as I grew older.

I was the one with the vocation. The one to become what my father couldn't A priest.

"Ugh, are you going to go into Dad's study after dinner to play Catholic Braintrust," Emmett teased, pulling me from my thoughts. "Seriously, watch some sports please.

"Be men," he added with a grin.

"There's no game on." My father smiled. "And you are welcome to join any discussion or brainstorm."

"Nah, I prefer sweaty men running after a ball of some kind."

"Very philosophical Emmett," I teased.

"Whatever little brother. I can be deep."

"Dinner is almost ready. Why don't you boys set the table," my mother suggested with a fond smile. I knew she loved these family interactions.

Surely she did have my best interests at heart. She had nothing to gain from mind games, whereas my father might, if he truly wanted me to fulfill his destiny instead of choosing whatever made me happy. But then, I had wanted this for so long and I still believed I could lead a very fulfilling life following that path. Surely becoming a priest could make me happy. Then why was I hesitating now? What had changed?

"Setting the table," Emmett complained. "I feel like I am fifteen years old again."

"I'll help," my father offered as we went into the dining room. Emmett looked for my mother's best china while I looked for the silver wear.

"How's Bella?" he wondered while he pulled out plates and glasses from the oak wood cupboard.

I was busy grabbing knives and forks and turned only to meet my father's curious eyes. He seemed to want to know the answer as well.

"She's fine."

"I never got to say thanks for the fact she spent time in the hospital. Rosie said Bella was very nice to her," Emmett said.

"Bella doesn't need thanks. She felt very bad for Rosalie. And for you as well…

…unfortunately," I added, looking at my father intently, "she didn't feel comfortable with staying too long..."

"Hospitals freak me out too," Emmett agreed, unaware of the meaning behind my words. "No one would be happy to spend too much time there."

"No, especially not in such a hostile atmosphere," I said wryly.

My father gave me a poignant look but refrained from commenting. And then my mother came in with the pot roast and I decided not to ruin dinner with a heavy confrontation.

With dinner on the table, we all filled our plates and dug in. Like I had told Bella before, my mother was no all star chef. She could cook a proper meal and she loved and provided for us with her heart, but she didn't cook with her heart. Bella did. Even if she didn't know how to make something, she acted on instinct and managed to turn something as simple as mac and cheese into a gourmet dish.

"Oh, Edward," my mother told me in between bites. "I completely forgot to tell you that I absolutely adored Bella's chocolate cake for the bake sale. I bought a few slices and it tasted divine."

Internally I was beaming with pride which was a very strange sensation. And I couldn't even express my feelings or freely acknowledge them as such.

"I'll let her know." I smiled.

"I truly think she has a feel for it. She definitely missed her calling," my mother mused.

"She didn't just miss her calling, she took a prank call that led her to becoming a prostitute," Emmett commented. There was no malice or sarcasm in his voice. He was sincerely stating it as a fact.

"Not every calling has a purpose," I countered. "And sometimes we misinterpret a calling and it turns out to be something other than what we believed."

Emmett stopped eating, which meant he was really paying attention, and looked at me, puzzled. "O…kay. Are we talking about Bella or are you self projecting?"

"My point is that Bella can do whatever she wants. She's not tied to what she did in the past. And she is a wonderful cook, so maybe there's a bright future for her in the culinary field."

"Relax dude," Emmett said. "I have tasted Bella's food, remember? And it was pretty fantastic. No need to convince me."

Emmett grinned and I couldn't help but smile a little too. There was that awkward sensation of pride again. "You should taste her version of Beecher's World's Best mac and cheese. It's pretty amazing."

"Beecher's mac and cheese?" Emmett wondered eagerly. "Rosie buys those packages sometimes. Man, that stuff is good."

"Bella made it from scratch for me."

I couldn't help but feel a bit smug. Emmett was getting packaged, pre-prepared food while I got the home cooked, freshly prepared version.

Emmett's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. Anything related to food could get him excited. "For real? Lucky man!"

"Yes. Bella and I got the recipe from a shop lady at Beecher's the other day. Bella cooked it last night."

"Please tell me there are leftovers?"

Before I could answer affirmatively, my mother intervened.

"You had dinner with Bella? Is that why you couldn't make it to dinner last night?"

She didn't sound hurt or even surprised. In fact, it seemed like she was pleased.

"Yes… Bella had to work yesterday and I promised to stop by the diner. I had an assignment to work on and by the time I finished, Bella's shift had ended and well… we both had to eat, so…"

While my mother and Emmett listened intently, I watched from the corner of my eye how my father picked at his food. He didn't join in on the conversation but I was certain he had his thoughts about what I had shared and that he couldn't wait to share them.

"Dude, leftovers," Emmett whined. "Now that Rosalie is gone for who knows how long, I need to be fed. If you don't hook me up, I will stalk Bella myself."

"Come by tomorrow," I suggested. "I'm pretty sure there's plenty left for two."

The rest of the dinner was filled with general conversation topics, like politics, sports and the weather. My mother shared her plans for Thanksgiving in two weeks and my father spoke of a new clinical trial for cancer they were starting at the pediatric ward and a charity ball intended to raise more money for that which would take place between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

After dinner, my father asked me to come into his study while Emmett volunteered to help our mother with the dishes. I offered to help too but both argued it was unnecessary and I was alert enough to see that Emmett wanted to spend some time talking to Mom about his feelings on losing the baby and Rosalie's problems without an audience.

Plus, I had a bone to pick with my father. I had to know why he had suggested to Bella that she should let me go as her buddy. And I was certain he had questions and – unsolicited - advice for me as well.

As soon as we entered his study and he was seated behind his desk, he spoke. I felt a wrist slapping coming on.

"I was surprised when your mother told me you called her yesterday morning and told her you hadn't gone to Anchorage after all. I thought you were going to the Holy Spirit Center for a retreat?"

"I was. But then something got in the way."

My father rolled his eyes. "Something or someone?"

I wasn't in the mood to defend my actions because I didn't feel there was any need. Nor did I owe it to my father to explain my decisions.

"I have responsibilities as a buddy in the Redemption Program. So if Bella needs me, I'll be there."

"So she was in trouble?"

"She needed some support and that's what I did; support her."

"Are you still planning to go to Anchorage?"

I shook my head. "Not anytime soon, no."

"May I ask why you wanted to go in the first place?"

I sighed. "I needed time to think; get some perspective."

"But not anymore?" my father asked.

"Everything is much clearer now."

The tension in the air was thick. I had never felt such resistance while talking to him.

"Edward, I have to ask; that comment you made earlier about misinterpreting a calling… were you self projecting like Emmett pointed out?"

In a way I had been. I was very much aware of how Kate's words had made an impact and left their mark. But was I really considering them as a new truth? The prospect of becoming a priest had always filled my heart with joy and light, but now there was a hint of a shadow when I considered it.

Had I misinterpreted my calling? If so, what did that mean? Kate had reminded me that I could choose differently. That I didn't have to be a priest to be active as a loyal follower of God.

And I hadn't completely dismissed the thought. I had actually sort of embraced it.

"I… maybe…"

"You no longer believe it's your calling to become a priest?"

"I don't know. I just realized I have options," I explained.

My father let out one harsh laugh. "You've always had options. But never did you stray from you vocation. Never until now."

"Of course," he mused – and his voice sounded tired, "there was never someone who could make you stray from you path either. Until now."

"What does that mean?"

"Earlier, when you and Emmett spoke of mac and cheese and he told you Rosalie bought those packages from Beecher's, you were boasting that Bella made it herself."

"And that is relevant how? I was simply stating a fact. I wasn't boasting."

"Edward, you were speaking as if Bella is your partner, the way Rosalie is Emmett's."

"No, I was stating a fact. Bella cooked me dinner. I was sharing that," I countered because the assumption was ridiculous. I wasn't comparing Rosalie and Emmett's relationship to mine and Bella's. They were married; we were friends.

"So it's that simple. You cancel a trip to help Bella. You spend a day with Bella. Bella cooks you dinner. That's it. She's not the reason you suddenly doubt your calling?"

"Is that why you advised her to release me from my responsibilities as a buddy? Because you worry that she IS the reason?"

"Is she?"

"I am not sure where I stand on my calling. I just know that for the time being I am devoting my time to my studies and helping Bella. By the way, I would very much appreciate it if you would stop harassing her about that."

My father raised an eye brow. "Harassing her? Is that what she said?"

"No, Bella was far more courteous when she told me about the way you pointed out how important becoming a priest is to me during your chat at the hospital. I use the word harassment because you have been nothing but disrespectful to her."

"Well, at least the girl has some sense. Although it would appear becoming a priest is no longer that important to you, so I guess she managed to influence you on that, even if it's indirectly and not deliberately."

My father sounded so disappointed and it sparked an equal emotion inside me. I was disappointed too. Disappointed at the thought that in my father's eyes I truly was the Golden Boy Bella had described and that no other future but becoming a priest would ever be good enough.

"Wow," I said. "Bella was right…"

"About what?"

"You would rather I follow this calling, instead of being happy because you want me to fulfill the dream you couldn't. I have to become a priest because you had to give that up when you met mom."

My father's eyes went wide. He looked shocked. "Is that what you believe?"

"Are you telling me that's not true?"

My father shook his head frantically. "I want my sons to be happy, first and foremost. Yes, it would make me proud if you honored and followed your calling because it was always YOUR dream, your ambition. Not just mine although I have been very pleased and perhaps overly supportive of it.

"I am no fool, Edward. I know life can change in an instant. It happened to me. I met your mother and never regretted marrying her and changing my plans."

"So why would it be terrible if I did the same?" I said passionately. "You still practice your faith. You have an important role in bringing others close to God. Why shouldn't I be allowed to make a different choice; follow a different path?"

"Is that where you think you're headed?"

"I just want the option without being vilified. Without you being determined to change my mind or be disappointed when I choose differently."

My father shook his head and to my surprise he even had a small smile on his lips which contrasted with the assumption he was disappointed in my admission.

"Remarkable," he murmured.

"What is?"

"Let me ask you something, and as I do, let us put aside your calling, whatever it may be, for a moment. Now, would it be fair to assume that you and Bella spend a lot of time together?"

"Yes we do. The program requires it."

"Is it just that or do you enjoy it too?"

I frowned. What a silly question. Of course I enjoyed it. Very much so.

"I like spending time with Bella."

"Do you miss her when you're not around her?"

I thought of how her absence had recently started to make me feel strangely empty, like a part of me was missing. It wasn't a vital part yet but I could see how spending more and more time with Bella would only strengthen the feeling.

"There is this strange heaviness when we're apart. But maybe that's because I worry about her. Her new life isn't easy for her and I can't help her when we're not together."

"Do you find her physically attractive?"

While I couldn't tell my father my body definitely responded to her beauty, I couldn't lie about the basic attraction either.

"She's very beautiful."

The most beautiful girl I knew.

"So you are attracted to her, you like spending time with her and you miss her when she's gone."

"I suppose."

"And you referred to Bella and yourself as 'we', plus you are reconsidering your calling…"

It wasn't a question.

"Possibly?" I hesitated, taken aback by my father's forwardness.

"Edward, I hope you realize what this means?"

"I'm… not sure..."

What was my father getting at?

"Son, I believe you are falling in love with Bella…"


A/N: All the "psycho-babble" by Doctor Eleazar in this chapter is made up, though I like to believe it holds some truth. However, the "Almost Always/Never" exercise is often used as a trust-exercise. Now, I know many of you hoped Bella would open up to Edward but IMO that wouldn't have made sense at this point. Those things are only beginning to surface after she pushed them down for so long. She can barely think about Forks, Italy etc without going catatonic, let alone talk and explain to Edward. But rest assured, it'll happen.

The end of this chapter shows Carlisle is not a bad person. He is not on the Bella bandwagon because of many reasons but he isn't a monster either.

Kudos:

Thank you so very much to everyone who voted in the Avant Garde Awards! Bring On The Wonder WON Must Read! Banner: http:/i53(dot)tinypic(dot)com/jku150(dot)png

Special thanks and hugs to my BETA Parama. I keep telling her that BOTW is her story as well but she's too humble to agree. But it's true. A story is nothing without a BETA who corrects your then from than and also helps brainstorm. She's the best!

- Bring on the Wonder is also nominated for 3 Shimmer Awards for the summer quarter Adonis Award (Best Use of Edward) the Essence Award (Best Dazzled Moment) and Storyteller Award (Best Author) More info here: http:/shimmerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

Voting starts July 8.

And Bring On The Wonder is nominated for the Best Meadow Award (Best Edward/Bella moment) at the Eternity Awards. More details here: the-eternity-awards(dot)webs(dot)com/nominations(dot)htm Voting is closed, thanks to everyone who voted!

To everyone who enjoys this story whether it's reading quietly or also reviewing/recommending, thank you! It means SO much.

Back to writing the next chapter. (For those waiting for an EI 2.0: Blood Ties update...that one is coming soon too)

Have a great week!