"Hey Baby! Wanna learn to transfigure my giant cock?" Jay yelled at a passing sixth year Hufflepuff. The girl looked offended. "If not, we'd settle for a tour." Jay said, moving up close to the now ill looking girl. Silent Bob hung back from his friend with no shame. Jay was laying all his moves on this unsuspecting girl. His moves usually got someone hurt. Usually Jay. Throw magic into the mix, and this was going to end badly.

Thank God Jay's one natural enemy decided to show up. An authority figure. Professor McGonagall looked like a woman you didn't want to mess with.

"Excuse me?" the elder woman asked, in that special kind of way that tells you you're busted on every level possible. Luckily, Jay had no shame. No shame what so ever.

Jay stood straight up. "Yes ma'am. We're here to take the tour of the school. The school charter states that all family of the founders are allowed tours whenever they wish of the school. Silent Bob is the descendent of the snake guy."

McGonagall's eyebrow's went up. "The snake guy? Really? And how do you know all of this?" she asked.

Jay shrugged. "The doll told us."

"The doll?" McGonagall didn't know whether to be angry at the boy or pity him.

"Listen lady, there are only three truths I live my life to. One, weed is the best thing ever. Two, I love pussy. Thee, yous don't fuck with the doll. Ever. If the doll tells yous to do something, yous fucking do it. Or yous end up like that faggy looking kid that died a few weeks back. Or his two bitches who bit it shortly afterwards. Or the first one's fag hag, what's the hoe's name? Anyway, yeah, don't fuck with the doll." Jay's attention was broken by the arrival of a passing by Seventh year Gryffindor. Jay followed after her, "Hey baby, wanna show us round the caste? All the private spots?" The old transfiguration teacher eyed Silent Bob. The heir of Slytherin just shrugged and walked off towards his friend, wishing that he could light up a cigarette. That'd be the first thing he does when they leave the castle later on.

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"Mr. Potter!" shrieked one of the ugliest voices Loki had ever heard. He turned back towards the great hall and saw the toad woman.

"May I help you mister?"

"I'm Delores Umbridge. The Ministry's High Inquisitor."

"Yeah. I remember old crazy Albus saying something about that. Wasn't sure if it was real. You can never be sure with old Albus. One minute he's talking to you about some student he taught a century ago, then all of the sudden there's some big emergency he has to rush off to and save. Mad as a hatter, and in all the worse way. Anyway, I'm glad to see you're real. Oversight is always a good idea in my book. Keeps things interesting." They really did. It made it more fun to get away with things when you had more people watching you cafefully. This crazy bitch was going to be fun to play with.

"Mr. Potter, I wanted to ask you about the recent accidents here at Hogwarts." Umbridge said, trying to lead Loki off away from the students. Loki followed. He had nothing to fear from her.

"At this time, I can't say if there's anything to these accidents beyond them just being accidents."

"Come now Potter, surely you're on Dumbledore'd band wagon that the Dark Lord has returned and is punishing his ex followers?"

"What? No! I honestly thought Albus was tripping shrooms when he told us that one night. I asked how much he paid, and he wouldn't admit to anything. Though, I will admit I have noticed one pattern to the murders."

"You mean that they were all Purebloods?"

"Not that. They all died in accidents that magic should normally have compensated for. Most wizards or witches who fall a few feet tend to bounce or something magical. Some innate reflex saves almost all wizards and witches from such mundane deaths." Umbridge didn't like the use of the word mundane. In some circles it was the same as the word muggle.

"Mr. Potter, I attempted to visit your classroom yesterday, and I was stopped by a mostly gastly corridor. It was filled with such darkness and creatures, I could not reach your classroom."

"I apologize for the timing Madame Umbridge. I have the corridor before my classroom set up as a practical area sporadically. A class has to get through it before the end of the period to get credit for the day. It tests what they should know up to that point in class. When did you say you were trying to visit?"

Umbridge looked somewhat impressed, "Yesterday at 4 pm."

"Yesterday at 4, would have been my second year Hufflepuffs." Delores looked very put out. "Perhaps you should schedule an appointment then, huh?" Umbridge nodded, angrily. "I'll have my secretary get back to you on that. I don't do any of my own scheduling." Loki strolled off, leaving one confussed and angry frog woman. A similar situation many years prior in Tokyo, had resulted in an epic battle for Godzilla.

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Lucius Malfoy was a well connected man. He had his ear in every conversation worth listening to in Wizarding politics, and what not. It was through these connections that he heard about some analyst department making a guess about Harry Potter. The name alone sparked interest for Lucius, this was the boy who fell his old master. Lucius had conflicted feelings about the boy. On one hand, Riddle was so rapidly crazy after splitting his soul so many times that rule under him could turn into a hell for everyone. On the other hand, he had to bend over and kiss so much ass, and bride so many idiots to stay out of prison.

What Lucius learned from those analysts, was that Potter was powerful. Potter was power. They had data from the whole Tri Wizard Tournament. Potter's claim at being an avatar for an old Norse God. Lucius decided to ask his son about Potter.

Never had the elder Malfoy want to beat his child. Draco was clearly a spoiled child. He couldn't stop spouting delusions of how he should have been champion. Lucius didn't get much information from his son. He did however warn Draco not to piss off Harry Potter at any point, ever.

Draco was an idiot. Lucius blamed it on his wife's side of the family. Look at her mutt of a cousin.

That's why it didn't surprise Lucius too much when he learned that Draco was killed at Hogwarts. Lucius found out pretty quickly, thanks to his contacts. This put one thing in Lucius's mind, and set him on one action. He packed up a small bag and got the fuck out of town. If Harry Potter was pissed at his family, he as gonna hide out in an opium den for a few decades. He'd let his bitch of a wife handle any problems on this end.

That's what wives were for.