Chapter 29 Thinking out loud

"Maybe I shouldn't have come here...it was probably a mistake..."

"...i tried talking to her before and it never worked out. So why should this time be any different?"

"..this is ridiculous...she'll never forgive me...and why should she? I was bitch for how I acted so I don't blame her and Elena for hating me.."

"..even though I regret how I acted...and I would do anything to regain her and Elena's forgiveness..."

I lifted my head up from the pile of receipts I was sorting through at the empty bar and looked across the partially filled restaurant over to the table where Bonnie had been sitting for the past hour, picking at her food while her thoughts ran rampant since the moment she walked through the door way. I had seen her come in, being that I was working behind the bar tonight, but I had somehow managed to avoid her which wasn't too hard considering she was avoiding me too. I didn't care that she was here and I had no desire to talk to her and I had done my best to just keep to myself until she was ready to leave. But my ignoring her didn't keep me from noticing the way she kept on glancing at me from the corner of her eye as if she were thinking of breaking the tension between us and coming over to talk. I tried not to be curious and I tried my hardest not to listen to any stray thoughts but she was thinking so loud and so strongly that her thoughts came seeping in anyway and I was starting to feel a change come over me. I looked up at her table, noting that she was just sitting there with her hand in her chin and staring down at her plate with a pensive look on her face and the expression she wore made me sigh heavily. Her thoughts kept repeating themselves, over and over again and it began to set in that perhaps Bonnie really was sorry. I had just heard her say that she regretted her actions and wished she hadn't behaved that way. It was what I had been hoping to hear for months now so maybe it was time to let it all go. Maybe I should talk to her. I mean, everyone deserved a second chance, right?

"I may regret this but what the hell." I said to myself, stuffing the receipts into a folder and storing it underneath the bar before I walked out from behind it and started making my way over to Bonnie's table. She didn't see me coming and luckily neither Elena or the Salvatores were in the building to stop me or to even distract me. I was on a mission to put things back together again in my life and I was starting with the things right here in Mystic Falls and that included fixing things with Bonnie. I may not have liked her decision, but it was her decision and I didn't want to keep carrying around this torment and anguish over it. I had enough pain in my life from before I even got here. I did not need to hold on to any more pain when it wasn't even necessary. I kept reminding myself of this when I reached the table and slid into the chair right across from Bonnie and watched her head snap up in surprise when I folded my arms on top of the table and said. "Hey Bonnie."

"Allison!" Bonnie's mouth fell open wide and she blinked rapidly as if to make sure it was really me who had sat down with her. "What are you doing?"

"I figured we should finally talk since that's all you have been thinking about since you set foot in here tonight." I explained, tapping my finger to my head to indicate what I meant. "I heard your thoughts just now. And I think it's time that we got everything out on the table so to speak."

"Yea, I've been debating about whether to come up and try one more time to talk to you and put this behind us for good. But I was kind of afraid that it would turn out like the last few times I tried." She admitted, dropping her fork to the nearly full plate of food and sat forward with her elbows on the table and bit down on her lip. "I really messed me with this whole Godric thing. I did not go about it the right way at all."

"No. No you certainly didn't." I nodded my head, feeling a flash of anger as I remembered the way she had flat out refused to help me. "And the way you talked to me about it just really pissed me off. I don't remember ever being as angry as I was that night when you said no to helping me. It was so incredibly mean and cruel and I thought you were better then that."

"I am better then that. I realize that now and I should have realized that before. But I didn't and I am so sorry." Bonnie replied, a look of shame passing through her eyes before she looked down. "I hate how I acted and it makes me hate myself to remember how I behaved. That's not me and I don't leave my friends out on the ledge but that's what I did. And you're right, it was cruel and I've been horrible to you and Elena, but especially to you. You needed help for your friend and I just dismissed it because of my past with that tomb and vampires. I should have approached the situation, telling myself that every vampire is different just like every human is different. But I didn't and I wish like hell I could go back and change it all."

"I wish you could too,because it would have saved everyone a lot of pain and anguish, especially when it comes to me. I wouldn't have had to give blood on a constant basis and I wouldn't be weak and tired all the time when you could have just done the spell. It would have been over that night if you had just thought clearly. But you didn't and there is no point in wishing you could go back because you can't. What's done is done." I shrugged my shoulders as I said this, watching as my words had an effect on her and she seemed to shrink further back in her chair, almost cowering from guilt and shame. She knew how she acted was wrong, I could tell by the look on her face and the thoughts going through her head. She didn't want to hold on to this pain any more then I did. And hearing that in her head made something inside of me cut off and float away. I sat back also in my chair and sighed. "You really are sorry aren't you?"

"More then you can ever know." She muttered, tucking her hands under her arms as she chewed down on her bottom lip. "Look, just tell me what I have to do or say to get your forgiveness. Because I don't want things to be the way they are."

I sighed again for what seemed like the 20th time in a five minute span and tugged on my long hair as I debated what to do. Bonnie was watching me with an nervous eye as if she feared for my next reaction. And truthfully, I wanted to just get up and forget I ever sat down to talk to her. It would be so much easier to just hold a grudge forever rather then work this out. But it was like I realized before. There was already too much pain in my life and if I had a chance to get rid of some of it now then that's what I was going to do. And maybe then I would finally be able to start healing properly.

"OK, look.." I started to say, leaning forward again so I was closer to her and swallowed hard. "This is what we're going to do. We're going to let all this bad stuff go and just start over. There is no reason to keep on living in the past. It's not healthy and I don't want to do it anymore. So let's just be done with it. Just forget the whole thing and begin fresh."

"Just like that?" Bonnie obviously wasn't expecting that to come out of my mouth and her face didn't hold back the doubt that she had about what I had just said. "You can just let it go right now and things will be ok? You really believe that?"

"Yea, I do." I nodded and a small smile started making its way out onto my face. I knew right then that the decision I had made was the right way to go. And I was standing by it. "Everyone deserves a second chance. And I'm giving you yours. So what do you say?"

"I guess I say..."Bonnie almost seemed at a loss for words for a minute and she went silent for a moment while she appeared to try and formulate a good enough response. And finally she looked up and smiled. "I guess I say consider it done and over with and a new beginning in its place."

"Glad to hear that, it feels right." I felt a flood of relief go through me as soon as she said this and it made me smile even brighter. Finally one part of my life was looking up and fixing itself and I knew everything was going to be ok. I just had to make sure that Bonnie knew what she had to do to finish this. "But in order for this forgiveness thing to be true. You need to do one thing for me."

"Oh I will do anything." Bonnie replied excitedly, her eyes lighting up in a way that hadn't been seen since before this whole fight had happened. "what do I have to do?"

"You need to make things right with Elena. She still needs to forgive you too." I reminded her, knowing that it was Elena who really needed to heal from this experience, even more then me. "She's your friend and me forgiving you won't mean a thing unless you guys make up. So go do it. And let's get things back to normal."

"Ok." Bonnie nodded, standing up and grabbing her bag and taking out her wallet so she could go to the front to pay. But before she walked away, she looked down at me and smiled. "Thank you for you your forgiveness."

"Thank you for realizing the mistake you made and for trying to fix it." I said, also getting up and then doing something I wasn't expecting. I stepped forward and embraced her, hugging her tightly. "I always thought you were better then how you were acting. So don't make me doubt that ever again."

"I promise you I won't.."


5 minutes later

"Do you know how nice it feels to take a walk with you and hold your hand?" Elena asked Stefan with a smile as she turned her head from where it leaned against his shoulder and looked up into his handsome face as they continued to move down the sidewalk. "It's the best feeling in the world."

"For once, I completely agree with you on that." He said back with a raise of his dark eyebrows before he pressed his cold lips against her forehead. "There is something very tranquil about tonight and being with you. I feel more at peace now then I have in a very long time. And I don't have those moments all that often."

"So you're glad I dragged you out of the house then?" Elena smirked when she thought back to how she had to practically beg Stefan to come out with her even though he was perfectly happy just staying at the house for the night. Eventually he did relent and they set off on foot towards the main part of town and she could see the way the effects of being out had on Stefan. He was definitely relaxed and she loved seeing that smile on his face. "I told you it would be a good night."

"Any night with you is a good night." He said sweetly, causing a blush to appear on her face and she laid her head against his shoulder as they walked. He squeezed her fingers softly before letting them go and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "You make this whole world bearable for me."

"You are being very charming tonight. And I have to say I am really liking it." Elena giggled, curving her arm around his waist and squeezing his side with her hand. She was lucky and she knew it. Not only because she had managed to find the love of her life at such a young age, but also because there weren't many vampires like Stefan out in the world. He was one of those rare exceptions to the stigma about the immortals and he had chosen her. He had bound himself to her in every way possible and she had never felt such security in her life. He was it for it, she would never love anyone the way she loved Stefan. She turned her head to look at him again and smiled. "I love you."

"And I love you too. More then I ever thought it was possible for a monster to love a human." He said, bringing them to a stop on the empty sidewalk and he placed his hands on either side of her face before saying seriously. "I love you so much. And I know I don't say it as often as I should and I am sorry for that. But just know I truly do love you. And I'm going to make it more of a point to tell you that every day."

"Talk like that a little bit longer and you just may get lucky tonight." She teased, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss him. She could never get tired of that soaring feeling in her stomach whenever their lips met. It was so much like a drug and there was no way she could ever let it go.

"Um...sorry to interrupt, but can we talk?" A quiet voice asked from the nearby doorway of the Mystic Grill and Elena broke apart from Stefan with a roll of her eyes as she knew it was Bonnie right away. Her former best friend stood there with her hands in her pockets and looked between her and Stefan before nodding behind her. "I just spoke to Allison and I made peace with her. And she told me to do the same with you."

"Allison forgave you?" Elena scoffed, not believing it for a second. It didn't seem possible considering how hurt the other girl had been by Bonnie's refusal to help with Godric. "Somehow I doubt that."

"Well she did and you can ask her yourself later. But right now I really want to talk to you." Bonnie pushed on, stepping closer to her and Stefan and it was then that Elena could see the determined expression in the eyes of the girl she once thought of as her sister. "Please Elena, I want this all to be put behind us. We can't let it destroy us any more. Let's just have a talk, a real talk."

"You know what? That's not a bad idea." Stefan jumped in, taking her by the arm and gently pushing her in Bonnie's direction despite her sending a look of death his way and he of course ignored it. "You guys talk and I'll just go to the bar and have a drink."

"Stefan..." Elena began to protest but he was already gone, disappearing through the doorway of the Grill with a gust of wind and the noise of the door slamming shut behind him before she had no choice but to turn around and look at Bonnie with a sigh. "I will give you exactly 10 minutes of my time. If you haven't managed to convince me to forgive you by then, then I am walking away."

"All I ask is just for some time...i will make this right. I can promise you that.."


Inside the Grill

"Well hello stranger."

"Hello to you too." Stefan replied back, grinning brightly as he slid onto a stool at the bar and focused his eyes on the girl standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. He took in her improved posture and the way her eyes glittered as if she didn't have a care in the world anymore and he couldn't help but point out the obvious. "Bonnie wasn't lying was she? She really did make peace with you."

"Believe it or not she did." Allison nodded in confirm and slid him a warm bottle of blood that he hadn't even noticed she had taken out and warmed up for him. "I heard her thoughts when she was eating dinner and she seemed really ashamed of how she had been acting for the past couple of months. So I sat down with her and we kind of hashed out everything."

"And it all went well?" He asked, taking a sip of the blood and watched as she sent him a smile that he was glad to see. It had been too long since she had smiled like that. "I'm glad. It's about time that this whole mess was over and done with."

"I just hope she manages to fix things with Elena as well." Allie mumbled, using one hand to run it through her hair. "Those two have been friends forever. It shouldn't end like this."

"I know Elena misses her. Even when she doesn't say it." Stefan pressed his lips together as he thought back to all the times he spent with Elena and noticed that she would sometimes just stare off into the distance and go silent for sometimes 30 minutes at a time. But she always said it was just because she was tired and it had nothing to do with anything that was bothering her. But he knew better, he knew Elena wanted her friend back despite all the fighting that had occurred between them. He looked up to see Allison watching him and he shrugged. "She needs Bonnie back in her life. I just hope she doesn't let her pride get in the way."

"If I can forgive Bonnie, then Elena can too. She just has to decide to do it and it can all be ok." Allison pointed out, tapping her fingers on the bar counter. "Sometimes talking can be the best thing ever."

"Speaking of talking, this will be a nice transition into a more pleasant subject." Stefan commented, wanting to leave behind the Bonnie/Elena situation in case it somehow jinxed it. But a light-bulb went off in his head as he remembered something that he knew Allison would love to hear. "So after you left the house the other morning, I had to listen to my brother yammer like an idiot for an hour because he wanted you to stay."

"Da..Damon talked about me after I had gone?" Allison looked flustered as she spoke and he could hear her heartbeat increase as soon as he told her this, just further proof that there was definitely something serious brewing between them. "What exactly did he say?"

"Well, let's just say that it would make you extremely uncomfortable to hear it coming out of my mouth." He warned her, knowing if he were human, he would be turning red right now. The things his brother had told him were so dirty and explicit that he couldn't imagine repeating them. "But you know Damon. So you can kind guess what he said."

"I think I get it." The brunette giggled, squeezing her eyes shut in embarrassment at the topic they were discussing. "And yea, it would be weird to hear you say those things. So its good that you warned me. I won't ask you to say it."

"I've never heard Damon talk this much about a human before. He must really like you." Stefan stated, knowing that his brother's feelings went much deeper then like but that wasn't up to him to say out loud. Damon had to be the one to do it, but it wasn't Stefan's place to do it for him. He looked at Allison and was surprised to see a look of doubt on her face. "What?"

"Nothing, I just don't think Damon looks at me as anything other then just a piece of ass." She replied, clasping her hands together as she leaned forward. "I know vampires like him and I'm not stupid enough or naive enough to think he could ever get serious about me."

"You guys are ridiculous, you know that right?" Stefan shook his head and fought the urge to groan. "Your avoidance of your feelings for each other is so damn amusing but sad at the same time. I mean, you like him, don't you?"

"Of course I do. But I'm not going to put myself out there only to end up looking like an idiot. It just won't happen." Allison told him with a stubborn look on her face. "I think we both know that Damon will never cop up to feeling anything for me, so we should just forget about it."

"Why don't you just ask him?" Stefan suggested, tucking his hand under his arms. "You might be surprised, he might actually admit to it."

"I don't think I can do that." She shook her head, her long hair tumbling over her shoulder and she instantly started tugging on it nervously. "It would just be weird..."

"Yea, but if you don't ask him straight out, then you may never really know how he feels..."


20 minutes later

"So...what are you thinking about right now?' Bonnie hesitantly asked her as the two of them sat together on a bench in the town square as they had been doing for the past 15 minutes when they had wanted to stop walking and just stared at each other.

"I'm trying to process everything you just said to me." Elena admitted, pressing her hands to the side of her face as the wind blew her hair across back and she looked at Bonnie in a new light for the first time in a really long time. "It's a lot to take in."

It really had been and Elena hadn't been prepared for what she would hear and how she would feel from hearing it. When she agreed to give Bonnie a chance to talk, she was kind of expecting it to end as all the other conversations had ended, either with them screaming at each other or just walking away in a huff. But neither of those outcomes had occurred and that surprised Elena, probably because Bonnie jumped right into the explanation without even trying to make small talk and in a way that was a good thing. It forced all the problems that they had been having to be put out in the open without giving it a chance to be side swiped. Bonnie told her about the conversation she had with Allison and how they rehashed their own issues and how Bonnie had apologized for being such a complete and utter bitch to everyone. She talked about how she had been shamed of her actions and that Allison was right when she had said that Bonnie had been cruel with her behavior. Bonnie touched on the guilt and shame she had been feeling when thinking back to all the fights and disagreements they had been having and it was her own fault that their friendship fallen apart the way it had and that Elena had been in the right this whole time. A real friend wouldn't have dismissed the situation the way Bonnie had and although it had taken a few months, it finally dawned on Bonnie that she needed to make amends and apologize and beg for forgiveness from everyone. And after all this had been said, Bonnie fell silent, giving Elena a chance to just soak it all in.

"You know, I never wanted it to get as bad as it did." Elena told the young witch, looking at her with a small frown. "Even when I was mad at you, I always felt like we would work things out. But then it got so heated and so angry that we just had this huge rift between us and I didn't know how to close that distance."

"I never wanted to hurt you. That was never my intention at all. And i just wanted you to know that." Bonnie said, twirling her wavy hair with her fingers. "This fall out with us was completely on me and I never should have made it as bad as I did. And I'm really sorry about that. I'm so sorry for everything."

"If you could go back to that moment when Allie asked you to help her, would you change your mind?" Elena wanted to know, pressing her lips together in anticipation of Bonnie's answer. "Would you have helped Godric?"

"We're being honest right?" Bonnie asked and when Elena nodded curtly, she went on. "I would change how I immediately responded to everything. I would change how I spoke to Allison and to you about the situation. I wouldn't have dismissed it without thinking like I did. Because you were right, it was ok for me to say no. But what wasn't ok was the way I said it. And that's what I would change. And I'm sorry to say this but I just cant change my stance on my decision. I just can't and that's how I feel."

"I don't like it, but I accept it." Elena answered with the smallest of smiles. She knew she couldn't fault Bonnie for what she believed in just like Bonnie couldn't fault her for wanting to help Allison. That's just how they felt about certain aspects of the problem and Elena didn't really feel like she could give Bonnie a hard time about it anymore especially since she understood why Bonnie had been so resistant to helping. She reached out and placed her hand on top of Bonnie's and smiled again. I wish you had helped, but I can't you for saying no. You had the right to refuse and I'm also sorry, sorry for not supporting you when you did make your choice. I wasn't being much of a best friend either when I didn't stand by you."

"I really missed you." Bonnie told her, and she moved forward at the same time Elena did and the two of them hugged each other for the first time in months. "I hated this fight. It was too long."

"Way too long." Elena agreed, squeezing her newly reinstated best friend tightly. "But it's over now and we should just focus on the future."

"Do you think we'll ever get back to the way we were?" Bonnie wanted to know when they pulled back from one another. "Is friendship going to be the same?"

"No, at least not yet. It will take a while for us to get passed this but I think eventually our relationship will be stronger then it ever has been. Just as long as we remember we can be split apart like we were if another situation like this comes up." Elena said with certainty, knowing it would be easy but it would happen. That was something she was sure of. "Fight over?"

"Fight over."


10 minutes later

"Oh my god I just love you right now." Elena gushed as she threw herself into his arms the moment he exited the Mystic Grill and started moving down the sidewalk to look for her, only she found him first. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tighter then she ever had before. "You were so right when you said I should talk to Bonnie. It was definitely one of your better ideas."

"So everything worked out then?" Stefan asked even though he already knew what the answer would be. He always had faith that those two would somehow find their way back to each other and it was just a matter of the right time and it was now apparently. "I'm so happy for you. I know how miserable you've been without her. And I'm glad you have your best friend back."

"Me too, me too." She nodded, grinning broadly as she stepped back from him and took his hand. "This night has taken a turn for the better. I fixed things with Bonnie. I have the most wonderful vampire in the whole world at my side and Damon isn't around to bother me. It's a good night."

"Speaking of Damon, that reminds me of the conversation I had with Allison about that mean old brother of mine." Stefan pointed out to her as they started walking again as they had been doing earlier. "When you were talking to Bonnie, I went to the bar like I said and I began talking to Allison. And eventually it turned to her and Damon and I mentioned that he has been talking about her a lot and you know what her response was?"

"I can only imagine but go ahead." Elena wrapped her arms around his as they strolled down the street. "What did she say?"

"That Damon could never be serious about her and that she doubts that he even feels anything for her other then desire." Stefan shook his head as he said this, still amazed by both Damon and Allison's stubborn refusal to cop up to anything. "She doesn't believe that he cares for her. She's still pretending like it's not serious."

"That's such crap and we both know it." Elena exclaimed, obviously having the same opinion as he did about the situation. "Anyone who spends time with them when they are together can see that not only are those two totally hot for each other but that they genuinely care about one another. It's right there."

"Oh I know it is. I mean, Damon doesn't have to say it to me for me to know that he cares. His actions speak wonders about the great unspoken." Stefan pointed out about his brother's behavior. "He was the one who went to the tomb in the first place to figure out how else to help Godric. Damon was the one who took care of Allison after she gave blood. He was the one who comforted her when Sam left a few weeks back. He wouldn't have done any of those things if he didn't care at all."

"Exactly my point." Elena threw her hands up in the air to make her point before stuffing them in her coat pockets. "He cares and we both know it. But unless he says it out loud, Allison will never trust that he could be serious."

"I told her to ask him bluntly how he felt about her. But she doesn't think it would work." Stefan relayed to his girlfriend about the end of his talk with Allison. "I don't know what she is going to do, but she looked like she was going to do something."

"Do you think she will actually ask him?" Elena questioned, curiosity in her voice that reflected his own thoughts.

"With those two, you never know."


At the Salvatore house

"Well, well, this is quite a pleasant surprise." A smug voice called out from the living room as I passed through the front door of Stefan and Damon's house and let it fall shut behind me. I pulled my arms out of my coat and hung it up on the hook by the door and walked towards the room where Damon was waiting for me. I hadn't even bothered to call when I left the Grill after my shift ended, I just knew he would be here and of course I was right. I walked into the living room and there he was, lying on his back in front of the fireplace looking at me with that damn smirk of his. As soon as our eyes met, he got to his feet and with a flash, he was in front of me. "Couldn't get enough of the one and only Damon Salvatore, could you?"

His actions the second after this didn't shock me, although I was pleasantly surprised by what he did. His hands grabbed me by the arms and he pushed me against the nearest wall and then his lips were on mine before I could protest. Not that I minded, it was kind of hot how he just took charge like that. And I liked being caught off guard like this, his hands always moving up and down my body and his mouth leaving a trail of fire anywhere he kissed me. Of course I wasn't going to stop him. He felt too wonderful against me and I would be a fool not to enjoy touching him for as long as I could. His shoulders were so sculpted perfectly in my hands and his stomach was so chiseled that it would have been a masterpiece. And to me that was exactly what Damon was, a masterpiece. Something so incredible to look at that it was hard to think of anything else when there was a body like pressed up against me. But I had to keep in mind the reason I came here in the first place.

"Damon...Damon hold on a second." I told him, grabbing his hands when they began to creep up under my shirt and pushed him back at arm's length. If he were any closer then I could never say what needed to be said. "I need to ask you something."

"What could be so important that you would interrupt me..."

"How do you feel about me?" I blurted out, instantly slapping my hands over my mouth but the words were already out there and Damon actually stepped back from me, putting more distance between us and looking like he had been slapped and it had hurt him. I clenched my fists, figuring I might as well get this whole thing out now. "What do I mean to you? How do you feel?"

"I ...I feel nothing." He said slowly in response with a halfhearted shrug. "Absolutely nothing."

"I'm confused then." I frowned, knowing deep down that he couldn't possible be serious despite what he had just said. I may doubt that he felt anything serious, but he had to have cared in some capacity or else we wouldn't have a moment like we were having now. "If you feel nothing, then what would you call this thing we have been doing for the past month?"

"This is what it is. This is just about having fun and nothing more." Damon told me bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest and he braced his feet on the floor as he stared at me blankly. "I'm a vampire Allison. And I am a monster. Don't expect me to have feelings."

"I guess I shouldn't expect a lot thing from you." I said with a sigh, wanting to roll my eyes at him being more stubborn about this whole thing then I was. I should have known that this would be the reaction, I had history to back it up and I was crazy to think it would be anything different. I just shook my head and started backing away in frustration. "You know what? I don't think I will be staying after all. Good night Damon."

I turned away and stomped towards the door and as soon as I grabbed my coat, I was out the door and back to my car, wanting to get as far away as I could.

A/N: and there you have it...another turning point chapter...allie demands to know Damon's true feelings and he cant be honest, so typical...but there is plenty of drama left in the last 4 chapter before the finale...and the big even coming up is the resurrection of our favorite vampire...Godric comes back to life! everyone rejoice! oh yea and please review