A/N: Christmas was in the air! Did you feel it? (Unless you don't celebrate it, which is also cool). I'm such a sucker for the holidays Loves them. I also love new readers and would like to thank Serenity984 for the review. I felt so modest and pleased you love this story that much.
Who's To Say?
Chapter 29
Sirius was so nervous about speaking to Remus that he completely lost his appetite for lunch and chose to mentally rehearse what he was going to say in the Room of Requirement instead. Consequently, he ended up missing the chance to go during lunch and had to reschedule for dinner; he ate an early meal with Peter and seemed to swallow his food whole.
"Earlier you didn't want to see food and now you're not even bothering to chew," the Pettigrew boy observed, watching his friend finish his plate.
"Nerves, either way." Sirius answered.
"I don't know if I've ever seen you nervous."
"You probably haven't. This is only the second time in my life I can ever remember being this edgy."
Peter was interested to know what the other instance had been but knew he was likely to not receive an answer if he inquired. What was more, Sirius was done eating and now stood up to depart.
"I'm off, then," he announced, quickly rubbing his hands on his robes.
"Marauders' speed!" Peter told him, hoping for the best. The Black boy nodded once then left the Gryffindor table, exiting the Great Hall as the majority of Hogwarts' students were entering to consume their dinners. He saw the lion sixth years along the way and said nothing, though he glanced at James. James caught the look.
"Sirius is going to talk to Remus." Peter stated the second James sat down across from him. The Potter boy gawked at him.
"W-What?" he uttered.
"Yeah. He may end all of this separation tonight!"
James could think of nothing to say in response and continued to look astonished, but in the pit of his stomach he could feel a strong flicker of hope ignite.
Sirius exhaled as he stared at the infirmary's closed door. Behind this barrier was the opportunity to flourish or fail and it was giving him tremendous anxiety. However, he knew he could not stand there forever so had to muster the resolve to just walk inside. As he reached for the door handle it was opened from the inside and out walked Madam Pomfrey.
"Black!" she exclaimed, stopping short of him.
"Er, hello Madam Pomfrey," he remarked.
"What is it?"
"I want to see Remus."
"Ah. Of course you do," the nurse commented.
"Yep." Sirius half smiled, starting to move past her to get inside.
"And what do you think you're doing?" she demanded, halting him.
"Seeing Remus?" he replied, confused.
"I have a quick errand to run, Black, and you know no students are allowed inside when I am not present! This door stays locked."
"But—"
"On the other hand! My assistant house elf is here to oversee until I get back and she knows to fetch Professor Dumbledore in case any major disturbances occur. And you're alone, without Pettigrew or Potter, so that would lessen the chance for unnecessary excitement…," Pomfrey explained, eyeing him. There was brief silence, "I will be back shortly!"
The nurse then briskly walked off without another glance, leaving Sirius a bit surprised. So, she was allowing him entry?
He pushed the door open carefully and peered inside, only to see a small house elf with a white apron rushing to the door.
"No students withouts Madam Pomfrey!" she alerted in a high yet cute voice.
"Oh, it's okay! She told me it was okay! I'm just here to see my friend— that's all," Sirius told her, "I won't disrupt anything."
The house elf studied him skeptically but said nothing else as he moved to the most private part of the room where Remus usually was. The prefect's curtains were drawn and Sirius could see his silhouette sitting upright in the bed. The Black boy took a very deep breath and wished for all the luck in the world before gently pulling some of the curtains aside.
Remus' head instantly snapped to see who was entering his domain and beheld his roommate.
"So, this would've been awkward if this hadn't been your bed!," Sirius joked in a shaky voice. His was already feeling scared and he gulped silently, "Uh, hiya."
Remus gazed at him for awhile before muttering:
"Hey."
"May I… sit?"
The Lupin boy nodded as his eyes fell away from Sirius and the visitor felt like the weight of a building had been lifted off his chest. The fact that Remus had not turned him away was vast encouragement! Sirius sat quickly on a chair and let the curtains fall back into place as he took in his friend's appearance.
"You look a bit rough. Marks here and there," he reported.
"Yeah, mostly from James. His antlers are no joke…. It's not nearly as bad as last month, though." Remus answered, folding his arms.
"You're right," Sirius noted, nodding and peering at his clasped hands. There was elongated silence, "Thanks for seeing me."
"What exactly are you here for?" the prefect asked, although he was fairly certain he knew the answer. The other teenager continued to gaze at his lap while he deliberated over how to reply.
"Remus, I still don't expect you to forgive me, a-and you'd be right in being angry with me for the rest of our lives but I have to try again," Sirius commenced, "I have to explain myself again and hope you'll forgive me because it's still eating at me."
The Lupin boy seemed somewhat shocked and nothing immediately came to mind for him to respond so his dorm mate continued on.
"I hate what I did to you. It was so bleeding selfish. This past month has been terrible for me and I've only been ignored by you two, so I can only imagine how all this has been for you."
"Far from fun." Remus acknowledged, concentrating on Sirius with a slightly furrowed brow.
"I know. I can never apologize enough for letting your secret get to someone else without your permission, for using you like a toy. I ignored your dignity but more obviously your friendship," Sirius commented, "James realized that right away; it was why he was so upset. But stupid me!..."
Remus looked away and sighed.
"You're not stupid, Sirius. What you did was stupid," he mumbled. The Black boy peered at him with awe. He was hearing him out, listening to him!
"I've been miserable ever since the last full moon. I deserved to be alone, to live with what I did— I know. But, I was so lonely without you lot. You're all I have and I had to admit that I put you mates at risk… and it was an awful thought. I'll never do it again."
This time Remus was studying Sirius with something akin to awe, but it fell away when he stared at his legs instead.
"And what about your punishments from Dumbledore? Have you spoken to the Potters and Snape?" the prefect pondered.
"Yeah," Sirius admitted in a low voice, "McGonagall oversaw my talk to Snape, actually, to make sure we didn't attack each other and that I really did it. It was in her office a few days after it happened. He looked disgusted, didn't say one word. He just nodded when I was done and walked out."
"And the Potters?"
"It was hard telling them… I knew they'd be disappointed. Having to write out what I did was the biggest realization for me. I mentioned how angry James was as well and begged them not to involve him, or ask him to talk to me; I didn't want to make it any worse than I had. They took a few days to reply and when they wrote back it was mostly from Dad."
"What'd he say?" Remus posited.
"Everything everyone else told me: regret, disbelief. But theirs was different from what I always received from my own mother and father because their disappointment actually made me feel low." Sirius reported.
"And not being able to go to Hogsmeade or Quidditch matches, and serving detentions?" the Lupin boy probed after a stint of silence.
"I don't think about it much. Wormtail will forgo certain things to make sure I'm not by myself and Marlene spends loads of time with me too, so, it's not that bad. I really don't care about my punishment, though, because it's my fault and I'll endure it. The only thing that gets to me and I want to change is the Marauders. I do not want to ever miss another full moon with you." Sirius affirmed, looking at him with sincerity. Remus peered back, tight lipped and with heavily drawn brows; he appeared to be on the verge of something and his roommate was afraid of what it might be.
"I wish I could have recorded this entire conversation for Peter and James, because I don't think they'll ever believe me that Padfoot was this sentimental," he announced, a flimsy smile appearing on his tired face.
Sirius felt like a firework had exploded in his stomach and bombarded it with dosing brightness. Remus had called him Padfoot! He was smiling.
That was it— he had done it. Sirius had finally earned his friends' forgiveness.
The Black boy's face broke into an enormous grin, the first true grin he had given since the previous full moon. He was getting his brothers back!
"Or how nervous I was. This is ruddy terribly for my reputation at Hogwarts!" Sirius joked.
"Yeah, well, do something mental again and we'll have it as blackmail or revenge." Remus said, half smiling.
"No worries! I think I'm done having moments where I'm utterly off my rocker."
"Well, when Madam Pomfrey gets back, I reckon I'll be ready to get back to Gryffindor Tower," Remus exhaled, rubbing his eyes. Sirius nodded in understanding, continuing to grin. The prefect's demeanor changed somewhat, conversely, "I know you are truly sorry, Sirius, and that's why I'm ready to move past this."
"And I'm thankful," the Black boy replied. The other peered back at him and they soaked in the final gravity of the moment, putting it to rest.
They then heard the house elf's voice as she exclaimed 'Missus!' and knew the nurse must be back from running her errand.
James looked at Dorcas one last time before finally deciding that he may as well do it now, while the subject was on his mind. Nothing else was currently keeping him occupied, anyway; he had homework upstairs that could be completed later and Peter had run off somewhere, leaving him alone. Well I can finally tell Michelle I did it, he thought, getting up from his seat and walking to the side of the common room where his teammate was. Should James talk to her in this room or maybe walk the castle floor with her? If she reacted badly and began yelling then it'd be better to speak to her while they strolled the school alone, to avoid the other Gryffindors' attention. Lily was right, though— he was just going to have to be careful and casual about how he said it.
Dorcas was with Mary, Lily, and Marlene and they were laughing about something.
"Dorcas, want to go for a walk?" the Potter boy proposed when he approached them.
"Er, what?" she answered, looking perplexed and chuckling.
"Pretty random, Potter!" Mary noted, smiling wryly. Marlene giggled.
"Well I just wanted to talk about something." James clarified, smiling himself.
"Oh!... is that so! Really?" the Chaser responded, surprised.
"Yeah."
The witches all now seemed intrigued and curious, looking at him, but Dorcas felt a small amount of eagerness while James glanced at Lily, hoping she would realize what the talk would be about.
"Hiya!" someone new interjected. They looked to see Peter standing near James and smiling.
"Pete," the captain acknowledged.
"Peter. Peter… oh— Peter!," Dorcas then remarked, appearing and sounding like she suddenly realized something, "Our lesson!"
"Yep!" he uttered.
"James, I have my Defense lesson with Peter. I can't right now," she relayed, regretting the conflict in her schedule.
"Well, no problem. I can wait for another time." James notified.
"Maybe when we're done?"
"What's going on?" the Pettigrew boy inquired, gazing at his dorm mate.
"Oh, nothing really. I just—"
But James did not finish his sentence because at that moment two Gryffindors had entered through the portrait hole and were walking toward the sixth years. They were speaking animatedly to each other and wore pleased grins. James stared at them.
"It's… it's Remus and Sirius!" Peter announced, also gazing in awe.
"They've made up?," Dorcas inhaled, "But Remus must've just gotten back!"
"I know!" Marlene concurred.
"Look at them!... they're talking! They look happy!" Mary noted.
"I think they did make up!" Lily said, starting to smile.
"Oh, this is brilliant!" Marlene commented, beaming.
"Well done!" Dorcas uttered, looking encouragingly at the boys.
Peter appeared thrilled while the Potter boy continued to gawk at his roommates. In the next instant, Sirius and Remus approached the group of six. There was enthusiastic silence as eye contact was exchanged.
"Well," Remus commenced, shattering the quietness and looking around, "Cheers, everyone!"
"Always good to have you back, Remus!" Mary greeted. He nodded quickly as Lily smiled.
"It's never an easy trip home, but things have already gotten better," The prefect then grinned at the Marauders, "Peter, James— Sirius welcomed me back!"
Peter and Remus were both wearing very happy grins as the quartet all studied one another. This moment seemed to be the one they had all thought of and anticipated and its outcome was so very important. James seemed to be the one they all needed to hear from. What would his response be? As it was, he and Sirius were gazing exclusively at each other, the latter in a baited fashion.
"So, you've… you've sorted it all out? It's over with?" the captain posited slowly, glancing at Remus. The Lupin boy nodded eagerly but Sirius had words.
"Remus understood. He listened to me. It's fine now; we're good! It's finally done, Jamesy," he commented, smiling unsurely yet hopefully.
There was only a second of silence before James answered in a hoarse voice:
"It's about bloody time!"
The Potter boy broke into a massive, emotional grin like the others and moved forward to his best friend. He shook Sirius' right hand while clapping him firmly on the back and Sirius gladly returned the favor, feeling like he could literally explode from relief and joy. He had his best friends back. Peter laughed merrily as Remus continued to grin, and the witches smiled gratefully and whooped with pleasure.
"Brilliant!" Dorcas noted.
"Oy, there's so much to tell you, you nit! I've forgotten half of it!" James exclaimed, playfully shoving the Black boy's shoulder.
"I'm sure! I've got my own share of things." Sirius replied, chuckling.
"Like what? How pathetic you were without us?" Remus joked.
"Low blow, Moony!" Peter said, smiling.
"Come on— let's get upstairs." James told them, feeling like there was a pep in his step.
"We'll see you girls later!" Sirius bid warmly, waving to them.
"Oh— Peter! Our lesson." Dorcas reminded as all of the males moved to go.
"What?," he said, looking at her, "Oh… yeah." Their Defense session, of course.
Peter peered at his newly acquainted friends, beginning to feel disappointment in not being able to participate in this immediate reunion of theirs.
"So there's how you feel about Apparition, what you smelled in your Amortentia, how my parents reacted to what you did… I mean, I heard from them but I want to hear what they said to you… what Moony and I have put up with from Snape since it happened— oh, and Michelle news!" James blabbered as the trio walked to the boys' staircase. Peter felt even more put out when he realized they did not look back at him for even a second.
The Marauders stayed up until two o'clock in the morning, verbally catching up on what they had missed out on as a foursome. Frank had been ecstatic to see they were a cohesive unit again when he entered the room to prepare for bed, and he spoke with them for an hour before going to sleep. After that, the boys went back to the common room to continue talking so their roommate could sleep without disturbance. Peter fell asleep by 2:10AM and Remus kept nodding off in his own chair, leaving Sirius and James wide awake and still going.
"I'm really glad this is all over with, Padfoot." James stated, exhaling. He glanced at him.
"Me too, James. You have no idea," Sirius replied, "I'll never do anything like this again to one of my mates." The captain nodded.
"Well, we can go back to raising hell at Slug Club meetings!" he remarked, half smiling.
"And trying to be the first ones to actually Apparate on Saturdays," the Black boy added.
"I also expect you back at Quidditch practices."
"Yeah, especially since I'm not allowed at the real matches!"
"Sirius may not be, but Padfoot is." James noted slyly. Sirius gaped at him before a wide grin spread across his handsome face.
"Prongs, it is so good to have you back!" the Black boy declared.
"I know. I'm amazing, aren't I?"
Sirius laughed once and then stared at the carpet for a moment before responding:
"You are, actually. You were there for Remus when I clearly wasn't. You're the better wizard."
"Sirius, if we didn't think you were a good wizard we wouldn't have cared so much about what you did. We were upset because we knew you were better than what you did," James told him, "Like Wormtail told me and Moony— everyone makes mistakes."
"That was my last involving you three." Sirius promised.
"Good, because no one else has the gall to keep up with me!"
Remus then snorted from his chair and opened his eyes, peering at the pair bleakly. They looked back.
"Oy, we've got Herbology right now!" he announced in a cracked voice, evidently unaware of the time.
"Oh, we sure do! Hurry there, Remus, and we'll meet you with all our packs!" Sirius encouraged while James grinned.
It became very clear to the rest of Hogwarts that the Marauders were a quartet once more very quickly on Wednesday morning. They sat together at breakfast, were noticeably loud, and did nothing but smile and laugh. The Gryffindor House was most pleased to see this because it had its legendary group back and the potential for fun mischief again; the Quidditch players were happy to realize they would have their old captain back as well. The sixth year Slytherins, conversely, were vexed to see the foursome back together, especially Snape. This meant they had resolved their differences regarding the full moon and would be disgustingly close again. He had wanted their friendship to decay, not repair itself! They deserved misery!
Another significant event of the day occurred during the start of lunch and also involved Gryffindor, namely James and Lily. The sixth year lions were sitting together as a set of ten, something that had not happened for numerous weeks now, and it was fantastic.
"Okay, can I just make an announcement that James still has not received one detention? Since we've started sixth year!" Sirius proclaimed.
"Oy. We allow him back and this is what he talks about," the Potter boy answered, shaking his head. There were grins.
"Don't get miffed at me just because your impeccable behavior is making Moony look like a Death Eater!"
Remus looked good naturedly offended.
"It is weird that Prongs hasn't gotten in trouble!" Peter noted, smiling. Or more like haven't gotten caught for anything, James thought, smirking.
"I have to agree! Who are you?" Mary added.
"Oh, now! I think it's really good of him! He's turning a new piece of parchment," Alice remarked as Marlene nodded.
"Exactly! Don't let Sirius pull you back in, Prongs; this is a good thing," Remus alerted. The lions laughed.
"Remus and Alice are right. Leave James alone, everyone." Lily said, smiling and preparing to eat her pasta.
The joking atmosphere suddenly vanished as nearly every one of the ten gaped at the red head. She did not initially notice, but when the silence hit her she glanced up and saw her Housemates looking at her intently. Lily was startled.
"W-What? What happened?" she uttered, feeling scrutinized.
"You…" Frank slowly began, still staring.
"I what?"
"What you just said!" Mary commented, gawking.
"You called him James!" Dorcas finally announced.
This statement caused a switch to click in not only Lily's head but in James' as well, who had been nearly the only one who had not been staring at her in surprise. The Black boy had not, either, but he had been smiling surreptitiously, understanding why they had all been stunned. The Muggleborn felt a vivid blush break out on her face and wondered why this was her reaction whenever someone noticed her recent use of James' first name.
"Well that's my name, isn't it?" the Potter boy quipped.
"Yeah, for us to call you!" Peter answered.
"She's been calling you 'Potter' since the day you two met!" Marlene pointed out.
"Was it an accident?" Remus asked, thinking this was a plausible answer.
"No." Lily responded, assuming she must be as red as a Quaffle. Mary's mouth fell open a tad.
"We use our birth names now! I call her Lily, she calls me James. Accept it, people." James alerted, grinning. Alice's and Peter's mouths joined Mary's.
"When did this happen?!" Dorcas questioned.
"Days ago," the captain shrugged merrily.
"It's true. Found out myself." Sirius relayed.
"Wow!" Frank said.
"What brought it about?" Marlene posited, smiling.
"Growing up?" Lily proposed, looking at James and shrugging.
"It's official. Muggles are actually wizards and wizards are actually Muggles!" Mary uttered, setting a spoon down. Alice, Frank, and Marlene laughed as Peter, Remus, and even Dorcas had to grin. This was a big deal.
"Hey, if you call James 'James', I am Sirius to you from now on. We're a packaged deal." Sirius told Lily. She grinned.
"Are we all done with surnames?" Peter wondered.
"I'm not,!" Mary declared. Sirius and Alice laughed, "It's how I show my endearment for you lot."
"Can it just be known that I was the first witch to call everyone by birth names? Way back in first year!" Dorcas stated.
"Seer of the future!" Frank quipped.
It continued to be a cheerful meal for the ten of them and one they felt they deserved after such an uncomfortable rift. Who would have thought they could have ever gotten along so well?
Snape's disgust at the reunion of the Marauders was not going to dissipate any time in the foreseeable future, but what he found out the following day left him feeling exceptionally empty. The students of the castle liked to talk about one another's lives, real or rumored, so it inevitably got around that James Potter and Lily Evans were now on a first name basis. This was significant because it was a part of Hogwarts' history that the two had a conflictual relationship, and it was very evident to all that their relationship had been changing for the better this school year. Now, on top of the amicable changes, the two Gryffindors had ceased using one another's surnames. It was a sight to behold, or hear. Severus, on the other hand, took the news as a crippling blow. His perception of his world at school had been changed since that fateful day at the lake after OWLs, and he was coping with it, but this was a change he did not want to believe or accept.
Snape had always counted on Lily's hate for Potter to see him through, to give him reassurance. Yes, they were in the same House. Yes, they were spending more time together because their year was. Yes, Potter clearly had years worth of feelings for her. But none of this mattered because Lily did not like Potter to his core! Their same disdain for James Potter had once been the icing on Snape's cake, had made his friendship with Lily that more satisfying! He was no longer pleased to know that she and Hamilton were through when presented with this information; it was trivial in comparison! To know that she was now addressing this wizard whom they had berated together by his birth name, that now she was embracing Potter, it left Severus feeling scared and helpless. She was becoming like the others… he really had lost her…. It was a terrible thing he did not know if he could stop.
March arrived right as the school week ended and the sixth years had their fifth Apparition lesson on the first day of the new month. No one successfully Apparated into their hoop but there was another Splinching; Heather Leon, a Slytherin, left her right foot behind, which caused quite a stir. The Marauders, however, had the most fun they had had at a lesson to date, chiefly because they were a group once more. (Much snickering came from their direction). Michelle was glad to see her boyfriend back to his joyous self and told him so on Monday as they left Care of Magical Creatures together.
"Testy James wasn't my favorite," she half smiled, hand in his.
"Mine either," he replied, grinning briefly.
"So Meadowes hasn't crossed the line since your last Quidditch match… you must have talked to her. What'd you say?"
James immediately felt panic.
"Oh! Er!...," the captain began, wide eyed. He swiftly glanced back at Sirius and Dorcas, also walking and talking. What should he say?!, "Uh, y-yeah! Yeah! I talked to her!"
"So what did you tell her?" Michelle pondered. You started the lie, genius, now finish it!, he shouted at himself.
"I, erm, I just, just told her— asked her— to change her attitude towards you! I said you were bothered, a-and that bothered me, so I'd like it if she could be a lot nicer to you. Respectful." James explained, feeling like an idiot.
"And she agreed?"
"Yep!"
"Oh, thank you, James! I knew you'd come through for me!," the blonde said, smiling and then kissing his lips, "It'll stop her horrendous attitude!"
"Yeah!..." James uttered, the guilt beginning. All right— no more forgetting to talk to his teammate!
The Potter boy decided to bring up the Michelle issue the next day after the Gryffindor Quidditch team finished its practice. Sirius attended to the delight of everyone there (especially Elizabeth) and he asked his best friend if he wanted him to stay for the Dorcas talk.
"I wanna see how you're going to phrase this to her!" he revealed.
"So you want to see me struggle?" James replied.
"Basically."
"Why not? Maybe you'll be of help in some ironic way."
James asked Dorcas if she would stay with him for a minute after everyone else left the locker room and she consented, so it was just the sixth years after the other five departed.
"So what is it, Potter?" she commenced, looking content.
"You're kicked off the team." Sirius answered, smirking. He was ambling around in the background, toying with various items to appear nonchalant. Dorcas raised her eyebrows.
"No!," James combated, scowling at his friend while pulling at the neck of his robes, "It's about, uh, Michelle."
"Parks?" she questioned after a moment of silence, gazing at him.
"Yeah."
"What about her?"
"Well, your row in the locker room that day got me thinking about a few things. You two really went off…" James started cautiously.
"Well she just came in here like the headmaster or something!" the Meadowes girl pointed out.
"Yeah, I know it got to you."
"She thinks being your girlfriend is an excuse to do anything, James. I'm sorry."
The captain exhaled as Sirius walked over to the pair.
"It's just caught my attention that you two aren't exactly… compatible." James relayed. Dorcas did not give him a verbal response but folded her arms and shrugged.
"And because you're my friend and she's my girlfriend, you come into contact a lot," he continued.
"Tell me about it," she grumbled.
"So, I thought, maybe… maybe just cool out some when you are together. Relax a little, focus on other people— just so there's less tension. And that's for both of you, not just you! It'll make situations loads easier and you'll be less edgy."
"Yeah, don't talk to her if you don't have to." Sirius added, standing near the Potter boy.
"Exactly," James concurred, glancing at his roommate, "I'm not trying to put either of you in the cauldron; I just want to avoid future hostility, if possible."
"So you want me to hold my tongue?" Dorcas posited, arms still crossed.
"Er… if you can? She'll do the same."
"I'll do what Sirius suggested, then. I will no longer say more than two words to her. Ever. That should solve the problem."
"Really?" the Black boy inquired, surprised.
"Yes. If you want me to be cool, James, not an issue; I just won't say anything to Parks anymore! Focus on other people, like you said," she elaborated.
"Well, okay!," James stated, appearing relieved, "Thanks, Dorcas! I didn't want this to be weird or hard."
"It's perfectly fine with me. So long as things are easier for you."
Well, this predicament sat well with Dorcas in fact. If she now had a reason to no longer acknowledge Michelle, she was not going to fight it.
A/N: I can't believe the new year will be here tomorrow. I blinked and 2010 was over. I can't take how quickly time has passed ever since I graduated high school. Ergh! I'm getting old…. I also can't believe I started this fic two years ago! Eek. Doesn't seem that long. Next chapter in January!
