Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters portrayed in this story…Disney and Square Enix (or SquareSoft) do…The plot is mine, though.
To my reviewers (and readers!): THANK YOU! I kept that part in bold to make sure I drive the point home: You guys are awesome. And you make me smile. =D Yay! Gold stars all around!
PS. I'm totally going to SPAIN today! (Friday Aug 21st)!! =D weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Be back in ten days.
Since Squall was expecting an angry reaction from her, he wasn't entirely surprised when Yuffie crouched low and whipped her shuriken off her back and towards him. —Shit. Still, it took him a second to register these events in his head and it was probably his SeeD instinct that controlled his arms to protect himself. Lionheart was drawn quickly from his side and, with acute eyes, hit the spot between spikes on the throwing star as it came closer.
The shuriken impacted with the clang of metal on metal and was deterred of its original destination; instead, it practically bounced off the steel walls of the ship and landed back on the floor, away from doing any harm. Squall's eyes watched at it fell, thankful that it hadn't ricocheted to Irvine and Rinoa's positions. He was about to tell them not to move, not to get involved in this part yet, but he heard Yuffie move and his eyes shot forward.
You—! You—! You horrible, miserable, inconsiderate, jackass! Yuffie was pretty sure she was seeing red as her legs carried her towards him. She wasn't sure if she ever had this strong of an urge to do bodily harm to another human being, but her mind was too wired on spitting out as many curses as it could to care. How could he—?! And then just show up like this—?! Finally, her mouth began to move. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SQUALL LEONHART!"
Yuffie wasn't aware of it, but she had picked up a fallen wrench on her travels and was ready to use it to her advantage. You—! You—! Her mind couldn't even make the words anymore. Her heart kept hammering and her teeth were clenched together as the last thirty-six hours replayed in her head over and over and over again. She didn't even bother thinking about the other sets of footsteps because she had probably imagined it because she hadn't been sleeping and they didn't matter as long as she could inflict pain on him.
He took a step towards her charging form, outstretching his hand. "Yuffie. Wait." Squall's calm and stern voice fell on deaf ears and seemed to enrage her further.
"DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" She took a swing at him with the wrench, but he dodged easily, moving to her left and towards her. "YOU—! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT!"
"Yuffie." He tried again, moving his body to avoid her attacks. "Stop. Please." Lionheart had been placed back into its sheath to free up both of his hands in the effort to grab the wrench away from her and protect his face and neck. He had to get her to listen. He had to say it. Because he didn't want any more people to hate him. And he was here to fix it…even if his mind was numb and quiet and couldn't think that far ahead.
Because this was going to hurt, wasn't it?
"I'll stop when I feel like it!!" Came her response, followed by repeated hits on his forearm from her fury. Everything was a giant blur and she wasn't even sure this was happening. "And stop moving so I can hit you where it'll hurt!"
"Yuffie…" Squall repeated, feeling the heavy stings of the metal and trying to keep his body in motion. He kept his body turned, slightly crouched, so that only his left side would face her; minimal damage and minimal effort for this battle, even though he figured that he probably deserved most of it. "Stop. Please."
"NO! I WON'T!" There was a tone in her voice, sadness mixed in with anger and fear and revenge, which he couldn't ignore. He never would have thought to hear it coming from her, but there it was. …because…I made her cry… Squall's heart squeezed at that thought, at that hurt that he had caused her…because she had done so much for him…put up with his attitude and his issues and all of that…and he went off and said the worse possible thing to her, disregarding all their time together in a couple of sentences. …But it made his determination peak, because he was here to fix all of that. And even if it didn't work, it was his shot. He wouldn't back down now.
He focused, watching her, not saying a word as she continued to shout obscenities at him, as she continued to strike his arm. He had fought against her before, for practice, for skills, but never when she was angry. This angry, anyway. Focus…focus…Finally, while dodging and step-siding most of her moves, he noticed her pattern of attacks. Swing…swing…Go.
And Squall reflexively grabbed onto her wrist before the wrench could come down on her third attempt in that sequence. What he lacked in her speed, he made up for in strength and while he could have easily disarmed her at that moment, he simply held onto her, letting her arm twitch as it tried to push past his resistance.
"H—HEY!" She shouted at him, previous words promising harm being cut off, as her arm kept trying. Her cheeks were puffing and pink and her mind was throwing around new names and possible dismemberment plans and ways to get out of this so that she could follow through. Because he deserves it! He does! I won't let you hurt me anymore! "Let me go! I'm not done with you!!"
"Yuffie. Stop." He locked eyes with her, pursing his lips together. Her cheeks were flushed from exertion, frustration and something else and he could tell that she had been crying earlier because her eyes were still red but before his heart could make him release his grip at her pain, he tightened it. "I need to talk to you. Drop it."
"Let go." Yuffie's eyebrows knit together, ignoring his request, arm still struggling against his, pulling and shaking, still wanting to crack his skull open. I don't want to hear you! The last time you talked to me—! And while her mind was seething in anger, she surprised herself with a calm voice. "Let. Go. Now."
"No." Squall frowned slightly at her stubbornness and quickly jabbed his thumb to a pressure point in her wrist. With a shocked gasp, her hand sprung open and the wrench fell to the ground with another clang of metal on metal. But before he could say another word to her, before he could get his eyes back to hers, Yuffie didn't allow him to. With one hand held, her next weapon hit him on the underside of his mandible: her foot.
The blow was unexpected to say the least and he felt his grip slacken on her wrist as he stumbled back slightly. In that small loss of the upper hand, Squall felt Yuffie's fist against his cheek next.
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" She shouted, energy renewed, voice nearly echoing because all she could hear were his previous words. Her fist came down again, almost missing his cheek because she was practically fighting blind, but it connected nonetheless. Yuffie knew that her hand-to-hand combat was nothing like Tifa's and probably wasn't even hurting someone like him, but she continued anyway. Because it wasn't about the logic. She just wanted to inflict harm, no matter how miniscule it was to him. She needed to get it all out. …Because the butthead deserves it, dammit! He deserves this! And he's too stupid to realize that he deserved that too! Stupid! Stupid, Squall!! You never listen to me!!
"Yuffie." His teeth ground together and he didn't move for two move of her stinging blows. He was surprised at how thin his patience was getting at this point; he was usually able to hold out much longer against her. …I guess…just not like this…Squall watched her face as she moved, almost seeing how each punch to his face punctuated a thought in her head. A pure, angry thought. About him. "Stop it. Now." He tried again, voice stern, wishing her stubbornness would go away but knowing just how justified it was.
"NO!" Her arm kept moving, even though he was starting to block them. Her eyes were starting to sting with tears. Because why should she listen? Why should she bother with the hope anymore? No one else seemed to want it or need it, so why should she hope that he figured it out? Why should she bother caring? He had gotten what he wanted, hadn't he? And while it made her angry that he gave her no credit or praise, it didn't matter anymore, did it? Because, her mind dripped with bitterness, he was happy now, wasn't he? So why should he care about her?! "AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, YOU SON OF A—!"
"—Enough." The words were barely out of his mouth before Squall acted. Yuffie's fist was about to connect again, ready to add to the red blotch on his cheek, but it was grabbed at the wrist and held steady. Before she could even bring her other fist close enough to his face, before she could squeak out another curse as it landed, he grabbed that arm as well at the wrist, and held her two shaking arms one of his arm's length away.
"—HEY!" Yuffie struggled against his grip and was about to start kicking him when Squall's hands moved from her wrists to her forearms quickly. She didn't even see it happen, it was seamless, and she could barely formulate her next thoughts when she felt his grip move and hold her arms straight against her torso. Dammit! Stupid! Stupid! You jerkface!! It was a tight hold and she couldn't move her arms towards him or reach him with her fingers since he sandwiched them nicely against her sides. Slowly, he began to lift her to his eye-level. "HEY! HEY! LET GO!"
"No." Squall finally took a deep breath. He knew she was going to start kicking soon, because he could tell that she definitely wasn't done yet, and he didn't have to wait long before her sneaker clad feet connected to his chest. Squall held out easily against the soft blows against his ribs and abdomen; he was just relieved that she hadn't started kicking until he had risen her feet above his belt. "Yuffie. Please…"
She ignored the softness in his voice. "PUT ME DOWN! THIS INSTANT!" Yuffie kept up her kicks, eventually folding forward a little and bending her knees and stomping on his chest with the bottom of her shoes. Her strength was fading and so were the frequency of her kicks and she knew she wouldn't be able to last long in this position, but she kept kicking with everything she had left. Because she didn't want the hope anymore, right? "I won't stand for this! PUT ME DOWN!"
Squall sighed. He knew she was going to be difficult. And he knew why. And he knew that he definitely deserved this treatment. But this had to stop because he had to make sure she was listening. He had to tell her because he wanted to get it back. Their friendship…because, he supposed, it took losing it for him to realize just how important it was to him. …and she has to know that…Yuffie has to know my lies…He waited through a few more of her stomps before suddenly pulling his arms towards his body, effectively squishing her legs in a folded position between their torsos.
"—HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Yuffie shouted and tried to wiggle free. Every time her feet would have a slight slip against him, he would simply tighten his hold and squish her further. Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides, unusable, and she could feel her energy begin to dip. But she had to keep hitting him. She wasn't done. Her mind was an angry blank, red and flashing, because of him. She was still so angry with him and what he said even though his presence here seemed to contradict that.
But she wouldn't believe it. No, she wouldn't, because her anger wouldn't let her. Because shooting star wishes don't come true. "NO! NO! LET ME GO, NOW!"
She was about to continue, screaming and struggling and trying in vain to knock him to the ground because her mind pressed that there was no way he was here to apologize, but Yuffie made the mistake of looking him in the face. Her body froze at the way he was looking at her, a stare that was familiar but different. It reminded her of his poker-face, a face that she now despised…but it was different. "—Yuffie." And there was a chill to his words, a tone in his statement that told the revived logical part of her brain that if she didn't stop it right now, he was going to throw her across the room.
Or something to that extent.
He stared at her, searching her fuming eyes, making sure that she wasn't going to start up again before exhaling the breath he had been holding. Finally… The aggression that was there previously had started to dim."Yuffie," Squall started again, his voice softer and calmer and he felt his patience returning to him, "I have to talk to you."
She remained still and stiff in his hold, looking up at him expectantly. He could tell that she was holding herself back because her lips were trembling and it appeared that the situation had finally dawned on her because it looked like she was about to start crying again. He wanted to avert his eyes and look away because of the pain there, but he held his gaze to hers. He would not back down from his errors now. …Yuffie… His mind was still blank, with no plan or backup words to make it all better, but as he stared at her face, the words came after a long pause. And that was a familiar feeling. "I'm…I'm sorry."
The words hit her hard and she sputtered, eyes blinking and mouth simply opening and closing without words for a few long seconds. "Y—You're sorry? You're sorry?!" Her pitch went higher and even though she thought she had finished crying over all of this, she felt tears trail down her cheeks. Yuffie began to move against his grip, not believing him and not allowing that tiny part of her to relish in the hope that it was truth. "NO! No, you're not! You meant every word you said and I hate you for it!"
Her eyes were squeezed shut at this point, trying to stop the tears, and Squall's own lips began to shake slightly. "Yuffie…Please, I…" His mind scrambled at the sight of her face to put words together, somewhat foolishly believing that those two words would make everything okay again and that it wouldn't need any others. "…No. W—What I said…That wasn't…I didn't mean any of it!"
"No! You did! You did and you left me alone and I spent the whole night trying to fix this dumb ship to leave but it was hard to see what I was doing because I was crying so much because you weren't going to come back and you never liked me and I hated you, you big, stupid, jerk-face!" She spoke so quickly, volume rising, trying to hide certain words because she didn't want him to know that she had been crying, that Squall nearly missed it all.
"I'm sorry." He repeated, heart squeezing painfully in his chest, searching her tear-filled eyes for some sort of understanding. "Please…I didn't mean what I said. It was a mistake…I'm sorry…" The words kept coming, saying almost the same thing over and over and over again as Yuffie began to sob and shake and cry in his hold. He moved his head down, going to her eye-level even though she looked away. He bit in the inside of his cheek and tried to ignore her cries and that feeling that he couldn't name. "…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did to you…"
Yuffie had finally stopped struggling in his hold, getting calmer or just giving up and he sensed this. Gently, he loosened his grip, pulling her away from his torso and placing her down onto the floor. She hadn't seemed to notice this, however, because her body was still tense, as if he was still holding her and her sobs hadn't broken yet. "N—No…you're not…You can't be…"
He looked at her and spoke softly, not wanting to send her into another rage. "What do you mean, 'I can't be sorry'?"
"Because you can't!" She snapped, fists forming and shaking. "Because you don't care about me or what I do or where I'll go! Because you have her now and that's all that matters to you!! Because I was just the convenience, wasn't I?! Because I don't mean anything to you because what I do for you doesn't matter!"
"No, Yuffie…No, that's not true. You're important to me. You don't mean nothing to me…"
"No! NO! Stop lying!" Yuffie shook her head from left to right, not believing him. She didn't want to. She couldn't. Because she was done with caring, wasn't she? And she didn't want to be more hurt than she already was. "Please! Stop lying!"
Squall swallowed the lump in his throat, not being able to stop the words that came next, because they were truth and for once, he could say them out loud, couldn't he? "I didn't mean what I said to you…that is truth, Yuffie. Believe me, please."
She sniffed and looked up at him, heart pulling both ways. Her voice was quiet, fresh tears falling as she contemplated his tone and his face. It looked like he was telling the truth, but he lied so well, didn't he? "…then why would you say that? Why would you say that to me?"
He took in a breath and felt all the words hit him at once. The universe seemed to stop and Squall was barely aware that they were in the Gummi Ship. That any of that had even happened. The light at the end of the tunnel. "I…I—I have spent the last seven years…pretending they were all dead…every single one of them…believing it, making it real so that I wouldn't have to deal with all of that. So that I wouldn't have to think about what happened and why they weren't here now and my role in all of it…I didn't want to think about it because I had tried and I had failed those times when I went out looking.
"So I had tried to ignore it. Forget it. Forget those last few hours of my life before I woke up. I pretended that I was okay because I didn't want to deal with that loss because it was too much and I didn't want to be weak anymore…and even though you were there…I was…I thought that I was still alone…because I never saw the similarities…but I do now and I wish I had seen them sooner but…but…" He paused, watching her slowly relax her fists. He slowly lowered himself, crouching down on one knee to get to her eye-level.
"Yuffie…I said those things because…I was…a—afraid…of what might happen…when all my lies to myself fell apart. Because…Because all of that…became part of my routine. My schedule. My life. …and I was afraid…because if those lies fell apart……I didn't want to lose what I had gained. Not again. So I just wanted it to stay the same…even with the lies I told myself…
"And then…" Squall stopped again, eyes locking with hers, and he gave her a small, thankful smile with sad eyes. "…and then you found them. And everything changed. And I was contradicted. I had been wrong. I had never allowed myself that hope because I didn't want to keep being disappointed but you found them…and I didn't know what to do. I had my guilt and my failure and my shame all the time and then, it was just, all of that, laughing at me because I had been wrong…
"I couldn't see it then, when you brought Zell and Quistis to me…all your work and what you stood for because I couldn't stop focusing on that part of me. I was selfish. I was wrong. Inconsiderate. Everything you've said because you didn't deserve those words……and I'm sorry…for putting you through that."
There was a pause, a silence, and Squall realized that Yuffie had stopped crying. She was looking at him, hopeful but uncertain, trying to gauge his eyes for something so he made sure that they were clear. So that she could see into him and believe him. Because his mouth had stopped moving, his brain still not working, and he had no more words left. Please…Hyne…may my sins be forgiven…
Her lips trembled as she digested his words, her eyes darting back and forth over his face. "S—Squall…" Her voice was still quiet and the way that she had said his name just then, reminded him of the way she said it when he had said those words to her. Yuffie sighed, looking away from him and back at the toolkit on the floor. "I don't…know…what to say…"
There was a hesitation that Yuffie saw in her peripherals as Squall's hand made a move to her shoulder. It stopped short, however, and returned to his side. "Yuffie…I'm sorry. I'm very sorry and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I don't want our friendship to end over that…Because it's important to me. And I want…you to know that…"
She sighed, body conflicted, shaking her head. "I don't…know…what to say, Squall…" Yuffie repeated, nerves settling in her stomach, not liking the silence one bit because it didn't distract her enough from the war going on in her skull. There was a tug of war, believing him or hating him forever, but finally, her reason came back, forceful and strong because she didn't want to listen to the angry, illogical part anymore. Because she didn't want to lose another friend, did she? And forever was a long time, wasn't it? To be angry at someone...who didn't mean it, right? …and why would he come back…here…to lie? …when he could just as easily stayed away…?
"…That's a first…you not knowing what to say..." There was a change in the air around them and Yuffie's head looked up at Squall. He was giving her a tiny smile, which disappeared and reappeared and twitched into place because she could tell that he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say at this moment. She frowned slightly and it took her a while to understand what the new words meant.
"…Was…that a joke?" She asked carefully, not being able to stop the tiny smile that came to her lips. …there would be no point in coming back here…just to lie…and Squall is never without purpose… They both had tiny smiles and Yuffie even found herself letting go of a tiny chuckle.
"Well, look-ee here. Commander's got a sense of humour now." Both of their heads turned towards the sound of the voice. Squall nearly paled at the voice, not comfortable with the fact that they had heard him, but he quietly pushed the feeling away. Back from the corner where he had come now stood a tall man, leaning against the wall with his arms folded, with a cowboy hat and a long trench coat and a smirk. Behind him, was a woman, in black and blue, holding a hand to her face to suppress a tiny chuckle.
Yuffie looked back between the two new arrivals and Squall several times, eyes wide open. Her mind immediately stopped and she felt dizzy. …there's…there's… "T—Two of them?" Her hair kept swishing back and forth as she tried to believe what was happening. Squall had come back. He apologized, something she still couldn't believe. And he brought with him the very thing she was trying to get for him so that he could get through all that stuff that he had been keeping in for seven years and—
"—Yuffie…" Squall stood, breaking her thoughts and vision. With a hand outstretched and pointing towards the man with the hat first, he said, "I'd like you to meet Irvine Kinneas." And slowly, a smile coming back to his face, he pointed to the woman who Yuffie already figured out. "…and Rinoa Heartilly." Looking back at his friends, his hand waved in the ninja's direction. "Irvine, Rinoa…this is Yuffie Kisaragi."
All three seemed to say variations of 'hello' at the same time. Yuffie kept blinking, not believing, not understanding exactly what was happening. She stayed silent, the awkwardness of meeting strangers and from her previous intent on killing him, keeping her mouth shut. However, it was Irvine who decided to get the formalities out of the way.
"Hyne, Squall…" He pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on with his foot. "You didn't tell me your friend was that cute." Irvine smirked again at Yuffie's blush and swaggered over to her. She remained still, eyes growing wider, not sure if this was all just a weird, creepy dream, and barely felt it when Irvine took her limp hand in his and kissed her knuckle. "It's a pleasure to meet you, m'lady. Squall's got quite the story about you and what you've been doing."
"Irvine." Squall gave him a dead stare, not sure if he should be allowing that kind of behaviour at this point. …Hyne… The tension that had been present when Yuffie had every intention of killing him was ebbing away and the weight in his stomach was lessening. His heart was still pounding and his ears were ringing but this time, he was sure it was because someone was thinking about him. Because he had said it, hadn't he? Irvine chuckled to himself before standing and letting go of her hand.
"Just being polite, you know. No other intentions."
"I'm sure…" Rinoa rolled her eyes at his statement as she walked over to where the other three were standing. She came in front of Yuffie, smiling at little bit, trying to ease the conversation. "Sorry about that. My friend here forgot to take his medicine this morning."
"It's…It's okay." Yuffie managed to squeak out, blinking slowly at her. She realized after a few seconds that her mouth had dropped open and it took her another second to correct that. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's…There were…two of them……all this time…Squall got two of them! He has two more! She felt her nerves build and something else began to grow but she wasn't sure what that one was. Everything was just too fast now and she still wasn't sure if she should be mad at him or not because her plan had worked hadn't it? Even with the big argument in the middle of it? Because he had brought them to her and that meant something, right? "S—Sorry…I just…I…Oh, wow…"
"She's usually much more talkative than this." Squall finished for her.
A shaky smile came across her face, followed by nervous laughter. "Yeah…Yeah, I am…Sometimes, he's the one who has to tell me to shut up!"
Rinoa smiled, happiness fluttering in her chest. So…she's the woman…who brought him back… "Well…I for one would love to hear some stories from you. We can trade some, if you like."
"Yeah," Irvine continued with a wave of his hand, "I for one would like to hear the ones that we can blackmail him with. I'll trade you all my embarrassing ones of him for those."
Squall sighed, looking around the room at anything but their faces. He didn't want to be around for the following conversation. But it had made Yuffie smile again. And she was laughing a little, amidst a few more sobs. And he took a deep breath because it seemed that the universe had given him his chance back. And he supposed that he had earned that right, hadn't he? "…I'll be outside, then."
"Oh, no you don't." Rinoa came up beside him in a blink, holding onto his hand. "You're going to sit there through all of it and take it like a man."
And while Yuffie was having a hard time controlling her giggles, Squall raised his eyebrow at Rinoa. He didn't like being under the spotlight. He never did. And even though his role as leader and Commander made him, he avoided it as much as he could. And this would be no exception. "Could we not?"
"But Squall…" She pouted at him a little. "You're the one thing we have in common. It's only natural that we talk about you, isn't it?"
"Yeah, Squall…" Irvine made a pouting face as well, much to the delight of Yuffie. No one…can resist the face… "It's only natural that we talk shit about you. I mean, your pal here went through all that to get us here…I think we owe her some hilarious outtakes from your life, don't you?"
He sighed again, and waited for Yuffie to look up at him. An excuse came to him as she hid her mouth behind her hands. Her hands that held the wrench a few moments earlier. "Yuffie, I'm going to fix the ship. I'll be outside. And I'm sure you can all manage without my presence."
Both Rinoa and Irvine rolled their eyes and Yuffie kept giggling. "No! No! You're not leaving!" She shook her finger at him, not able to resist the change in atmosphere now. "I want to see your face through all of it! The ship can wait! You're staying!"
"Yuffie—"
"—You owe me, Squall! You know it! So, you're staying!" Yuffie gave him a smile as she cut him off. Wiping the stray tears away from her cheeks and the trails they left behind, she looked back at Irvine and Rinoa. Giddy and excited, she felt her heart pump harder, soaring with the fact that there was some good that came from all of this. "Can I make a request?" When they nodded, her grin furthered and she looked solely at Rinoa. "Tell me the story when you first met Squall…And no detail missed, please."
She caught the look on Squall's face when she finished talking and was suddenly very glad that she asked for that story. He looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Perfect… Yuffie smiled. It may be cruel, yes, she knew, but what her fists could not do to him, she was sure that Rinoa's words would.
And that made her just a little more happy.
"Come on, let's move to the cockpit. We have chairs and stuff there!" Her heart stopped being heavy and she practically skipped towards said room. "Do you guys want anything to eat or drink? The Gummi Ship has some food. It's probably not the greatest but…I'm sure the Powhatans don't have chocolate bars and pasteurized milk. I mean, the milk is the weird powdered kind, but it's still close. And I bet you guys haven't seen ice in a while. I mean, the refrigerator kind…not Blizzaga or anything…"
Squall had stayed a few steps behind the rest of them, dreading his fate, with Rinoa holding onto his hand and pulling him forward. But he heard it in her voice. That rambling tone. And as they left the toolkit behind, he wanted to make sure that this wasn't all a dream.
Because now was the time where he didn't want to wake up.
Ahhh. Just wanted to get this chapter up before I left for Spain.
I hope I got Squall in character for this. At first, my editor/muse Cheekyte thought he was too wordy…so hopefully I succeeded. And I hope I made Yuffie's action/reaction to him and his words believable. Because, I wanted her to be angry, but at the same time, not really angry because she still wants him to be around.
Anyway, ahead? Some awkward conversations (about Squall XD) and a sad goodbye.
PLEASE REVIEW!
(now, with silver stars!)
