A note: Co-written with Gaspode5. Jaden, Fenzev and KS45, you are precious!

Disclaimer: Of course


The Transfer

The first thought running through Duncan's mind as he woke was 'fuck!' The sun was low in the sky and flooded the dormitory with golden light. It shone right in his face which was what had woken him. The place was empty; why the Blight had nobody said anything? Stiffly he rolled out of bed; sleeping in leather armour was never comfortable. He hadn't meant to fall asleep but apparently he had been more tired than he'd thought. Blearily rubbing his face, he headed for the infirmary, with any luck Riordan wouldn't have woken yet. After hovering protectively over him and getting underfoot of the healers, Duncan had politely but firmly been ushered out with assurances that his friend would be fine, IF they were given the chance to work on him. There was no way Duncan could express that it wasn't merely the man's body he was worried about, without betraying Riordan's trust, so he'd swallowed his frustration and left.

There was no sign of Riordan in the infirmary and the harried looking healer from earlier, pointedly ignored Duncan. He felt vaguely ashamed when he remembered his behaviour at the time. The next place to look for his friend was by the sparring grounds where they usually would hang out until the bell called for the evening meal; he fervently hoped the idiot hadn't gone there to actually spar. The risk was rather slim though, Riordan thought sparing was a waste of time and did just enough not to catch the evil eye of the Master at Arms.

The place was bustling but Duncan saw no sign of Riordan. He found Josian instructing Roland in archery however. The weapon looked like a child's toy in Roland's hands but he was surprisingly good at it. They both stopped at the sight of Duncan and eyed him with such a look of pity on their faces his heart dropped into his stomach. It dropped all the way into his boots when Roland approached and draped a heavy arm around his shoulders as if to comfort.

"You must be feeling bad about Riordan. I'll miss him too, but nothing like you I think." The man said quietly. Duncan felt as if he had taken a blow to the head with a hammer; his mouth was suddenly dry and no words would come out. "I'll buy you enough booze to get you senseless tonight, deal?" Roland offered, looking closely at him. "At least Jader isn't the end of the world, only next to it, right?"

"Jader," Duncan clutched at the name, "Riordan is in Jader?"

"Eh yes, or at least on the way."

Duncan glared at both his friends but it was Josian who eventually spoke as he fidgeted with an arrow. "I'm surprised you didn't know. He's been transferred to Jader, they left this morning."

Relief warring with anger suddenly crowded Duncan. He turned to Roland "And you knew?" It sounded more accusing than he'd intended. Roland looked uneasy.

"Um, yes, sort of."

"And you didn't say!" The anger won out.

Roland said helplessly, "To be honest, it never crossed my mind that you didn't know."

"I see, so how long has this been common knowledge?"

"Oh I don't know, Roland told me a few days ago," Josian shrugged, "Riordan must have finally managed to piss off someone at the top."

Commander Mathilde of course, Duncan thought bitterly, it had to be. She put great store in rules and regulations. He pinched his nose as he tried to push down the mess of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Had every bloody warden in Montsimmard known except him and why had Riordan not said anything?

"Did Riordan tell you?" He asked.

"Shit no!" Roland huffed. "Vittorio was waiting outside the commander's office to get another chance to complain about a transfer to The Val, and the commander was shouting loud enough to be heard all the way to the White Spire. Quite impressive, those doors are solid oak you know."

Josian sounded pleased when he said, "Things will be quieter around here. But the poor sods at Jader…"

Desperately trying to recover his composure, Duncan said, "Maybe he'll reform." The smile felt stiff but it was the best he could manage.

Josian's grin got wider. "Not bloody likely, Vittorio got his transfer as well, to Jader! I don't know who to pity the most, the asshole or the bastard."

'One thing I find ironic, I'm a kin slayer, a liar, a whoremonger, you name it! But despite all that, everyone, even you, keeps calling me the only thing I'm probably not, a bastard.' Duncan's self-control snapped. "I never want to hear you call him a bastard again!"

"I'm sorry," Josian sounded remorseful now, "I know you liked him. I shouldn't have spoken like that."

"For your information I still like him, what's with the past tense?" Duncan ground out.

"Nothing, just..."

"Just what?"

"They say they die like flies in Jader, and not because of the Spawn. Only the scum is sent there."

"They talk too much crap!" Duncan stalked off; he had heard the same thing and a part of him wished Riordan dead, or at least in a lot of pain, for not telling him he was being transferred, for not trusting him, for...whatever! Roland called after him, he ignored it. Why had Riordan not said anything? All Duncan's concern yesterday was thrown back in his face. Confusion mingled with anger and hurt, if Riordan was here now...but he wasn't, he'd left without a word. And the commander had sent a badly wounded man on a dangerous journey. Duncan angrily swallowed the fear that rose, Riordan didn't deserve it and Duncan had a thing or two to say to the Commander. A voice in his mind pointed out it would be better to take some time to think and calm down. Another voice told it to fuck off.

Ignoring the questioning looks of the Wardens as he stomped past, he finally stopped in front of the door to the commander's office. Resisting the urge to kick it, he knocked and gritted his teeth, waiting for a reply. Commander Mathilde didn't look particularly surprised when he entered and eyed him calmly.

"Warden Duncan, I was expecting you." She nodded curtly."

"Commander, I need to speak with you."

"I will listen."

The commander's unruffled demeanour only fuelled his frustration and anger. He marched up to her desk. "I just want to know how you justify sending an injured man on an arduous journey like the one to Jader?" He bit off the last word for fear he might say things he would regret.

"We are discussing Warden Riordan then. He was hale enough to mount a horse and the rest is no business of yours." With a heavy sigh commander Mathilde stood up and moved around the desk to stand next to him. The look of sad understanding on her face grated on him, she understood nothing! "The powers that be are watching. The Order has been afforded great freedom in the past but then we were needed. Now many feel we have outlived our usefulness. Under the circumstances Riordan's conduct was detrimental to us. The man you are defending, sadly, never understood the necessity of obedience and discipline. If there is a Blight, I do not doubt he will fulfil his purpose like any other Warden, but until such a time, he is better suited for Jader."

"Better suited to die? I've travelled a lot with him and he is an excellent fighter, better than most."

"Without discipline skill is nothing, in fact, it is a most undesirable quality. Surely you can appreciate that? You should consider his removal an opportunity. You have shown great promise in the Order but your association with Riordan has held you back and speaking to you now, I am even more convinced that what I did was for the best. This is your chance to prove yourself and fulfil your potential. Do not disappoint." Her words crawled over his brain. He hated how reasonable it sounded, that a tiny part of him agreed. Self-loathing coated the back of his throat. Anger at himself for listening, at Riordan for not speaking and the commander for sounding so fucking reasonable, rose until he couldn't think and it drowned out everything. The next he knew there was a sharp jolt and pain shot up his arm. Blinking through the wrath he saw Mathilde sitting on the floor, her hand to her face as blood dripped from beneath it. Her eyes were huge with incredulity. Numbly he stared at her before he spun on his heel and marched out.

-ooo-

When he finally became aware of his surroundings he'd entered the herb garden. His hand throbbed with pain and he relished it. Heavily he sank down on the same bench where Riordan had lain so long ago. He remembered the startled look on the other man's face when Duncan elected to reach out instead of confront, and how quickly it had been discarded. Wasn't that Riordan's way, not care, just turn his back with a shrug and never a backward glance? "I hope you rot!" Duncan muttered to himself.

He lay down on the bench trying to imagine what Riordan had seen. A young man, uncertain, yet pretending not to be. He remembered how his friend had laughed at the called up image of Six-finger and the casual way he had offered himself up for ridicule. Duncan had sensed the darkness in Riordan already then, but not until now had he begun to realise how impregnable it was. He tried to imagine growing up under the circumstances Riordan had, he did not doubt he'd only seen glimpses. Unlike himself Riordan had never had to starve, but in comparison Duncan counted himself lucky. A lot of things made more sense now, not the least Riordan's strong reaction when being held under water. Duncan shut his eyes. Unbidden there was an image of himself floating in water with a calloused hand resting lightly against the back of his neck and a voice urging. 'Here, I've got you and I won't let you drown.' Blight! Blight and Blood! 'They die like flies in Jader.'

He stared right into the sun until his eyes bled with tears. How was it possible to hate and love a person with such intensity? Abruptly he sat up and took a few deep breaths before heading over to the pump to wash his face. The fact was that Riordan had betrayed him, had probably never cared that much. That had all been in Duncan's head. It hurt to admit it. Not even Duncan fully understood the relationship he'd thought he had with the man. It had given him the kind of excitement he might have felt having earned the trust of one of these intelligent Fereldan Mabari war dogs. When he reached out he'd never known if his hand would be accepted or bitten clean off. But having the animal growl and threaten only to discover the final attack never came and instead finding this strong dangerous beast work, not against him but with him, of its own free will, giving all that it had inside and more; those moments had been worth every bruise, bite and frustration and right now he missed Riordan so much it felt like he was bleeding out from some invisible wound.

"You took some time to find."

Duncan swerved to find Renna walking, no floating, there was no other way to describe it, towards him. "Why would you want to, tell the guards I'm here." He snapped, immediately wondering what could be seen on his face.

"Oh, I will, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"Why?" Duncan was intrigued despite himself; Renna didn't usually seek out anyone.

The woman reached out and put a hand on his arm, he had to stop himself from recoiling. She smiled a rather sad smile and it seemed unnatural somehow. "I want you to know that I talked the Commander down to a week in solitary."

"You're sleeping with the woman I suppose."

"No, but I let her think I might, I've found it easier to control them that way. Anyway that's totally irrelevant and no business of yours." She settled gracefully on the stone bench.

Duncan sighed and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I suppose I owe you now." Renna gave a laugh as cold and sharp as snow crystals.

"No Duncan, you don't owe me. Anyway, I also came to tell you I'm returning to Weisshaupt to continue my training there."

"You're leaving?"

"Don't act like you would miss me, that would be hypocrisy."

"No pleasantries, right!" He shook his head ruefully. "Soon all of us will be scattered anyway."

"Oh, grow up, please! We're not recruits any more. Be the Warden I know you're capable of being."

Duncan sat down next to the Mage, regarding her suspiciously. "So?"

"So nothing, I CAN do things just to be nice you know! I'm not inhuman."

He couldn't quite bring himself to believe her. "Not relishing going back home I take it?"

"You think I am a hard person and perhaps I am. When I was sent here I was filled with purpose, if perhaps not the same as that of those who sent me. I had this idea that I could make my own fate. Even so I was naive in the ways of the outside world; I would never have been able to manage on my own, so I needed someone to do my bidding. I saw all of us that survived, a most successful group and I was convinced that I could bend anyone to my will, but who?

"Vittorio."

"That was the most obvious choice, yes. Not only handsome but he had connections. Yet ultimately totally self-centred so he was of no use."

"You would have gotten along famously."

Renna smiled again. "Yes, I suppose you would think so. Don't think I didn't consider you, but you were too aware and frankly, too smart, not my first choice. But I had plans for how to get to you at a pinch; you like your women on the sweet side and a bit vulnerable, don't you?"

Duncan had no wish to comment on that. "And?"

"So I suddenly noticed Riordan. Like a force of nature he was, chaotic and bursting with emotions he did not know how to channel, except for destruction. I thought, if I gave him what he wanted, he would be mine forever. You realise that's all he was looking for? But after your trip to Ferelden he was lost to me." She paused and looked sharply at Duncan. He refused to look away and refused to ask the obvious question, he didn't want to know. She finally looked away. "Our party will go by Jader and as a final gesture I will pass on any message you deem fitting."

Duncan clenched his fists. The pain in the injured hand helped him to stay firm. "There is none." He said flatly.

"I see, perhaps that's for the best." Renna nodded, smoothing down her gown as she rose. "Good bye Duncan. Had things turned out different..." she shrugged. "Maybe we'll see each other again and if not, remember that I wish you well."

"And I you." Duncan watched Renna leave before he leaned back against the wall. Too many things were rushing through his mind, one thing was clear though, Josian had been right, Blight take him! What had been was not what was. From now on Duncan would make his own path and never look back, that, at least, was a lesson Riordan had taught him. He rose as the guards came to collect him.