A/N: HOLY MONKEYS, BATMAN! I am SO late with this update! College is slowly sucking all my free time away from me. I apologize a bazillion gazillion times and present you with this chapter.
BPOV
Rosalie and Emmett were still at our apartment when we pulled into our parking spot. Rose dragged me to the bedroom the minute I walked in, ordering Emmett to "start pre-gaming" with Edward in the kitchen. Alice texted the both of us and said that she and Jasper were on their way and she was bringing supplies.
"Why didn't you tell me we were going to Volterra tonight? I would've gotten a wax today if I knew." Rose hissed as I began to strip and head towards the bathroom, ready to wash away the stink of sterile hospital.
"Okay, I didn't need to hear that. I had no idea that we were going either. I think Edward planned this out while Alice was lecturing him on our engagement." I remembered when he might've planned this, because he kept looking under the table and his eyes were glassy. I just thought he had zoned out and made sure to make note of the topics being discussed, in case Alice decided to quiz him later.
"How's James?" Rose asked, perching on the bathroom counter as I climbed into the steaming shower. I didn't answer right away, the scalding spray hitting me directly in the face. I sighed, reaching for my shampoo.
"He's back to normal. I think Edward is going to give him a few weeks off before letting him come back to work." I breathed in the familiar smell of strawberries and I felt my world center again. I vowed that moment that I wasn't going to let anything get to me tonight. I was going to have fun with my friends, my pseudo-fiancé and deal with the aftermath tomorrow.
"Great. I started to miss his ugly face buzzing around you." Rose laughed, her legs swinging underneath her. Someone knocked on the door and Rose reached over and opened the door.
"If that's Emmett, tell him I'm not drunk enough for him to see me naked."
"Please. I could get you to come out of the shower and do a dance recital in the living room if I really wanted to." Alice huffed as she lugged a suitcase into the bathroom. Her tiny hand shot into my shower stall and she yelped when the stream hit her hand.
"Do you plan on throwing in some carrots and potatoes soon? You're going to cook yourself! Think of your skin!" Appalled, Alice turned the water to ice cold and I let out a piercing scream. Edward rushed in, along with Jasper and Emmett.
"What? What happened? Are you all right?" Edward asked anxiously, yanking Alice out of the way and all but joining me in the shower. Shivering and angry, I shook my head and turned off the water.
"Alice was being dramatic. I'm sorry about scaring you. Emmett! I can see you staring at my boobs!" I slammed the shower door shut and heard Edward's low growl.
"Edward," I mumbled, tapping on the frosted glass. He ignored me, slowly stalking his brother.
"How could I not see them?! They were right out in the open! Jasper probably saw them too!"
"No way, Emmett. Don't bring me into this. You dug this hole, you can get yourself out." Jasper laughed and I heard him leave the bathroom.
"Edward." I said louder, now pounding on the door. He turned and I opened it a crack.
"Hand me a towel, please. You can stay until I get the towel on and then you can go and deal with your brother." I stared him down until I saw him move to the towel bar and tossed me the first thing he grabbed. It smelled like him and I breathed it in greedily. I noticed that his eyes flashed when he saw me fully and a slight grin appeared.
"Enough. God, I feel like I should be videotaping this for a profit. Edward, get out." Alice ordered, tugging on Edward's arm. I stepped out of the shower and placed a damp hand on his cheek.
"Go and drink with your brothers. I'll be fine here. Really." Edward left, albeit reluctantly, and Alice locked the door behind him.
"Time to get to work, ladies." She rubbed her hands together deviously.
* * *
Leaving the bathroom an hour later, I was in desperate need of a drink. Alice had dried, fried and nearly dyed my hair and Rosalie had been ordered to do my make-up. For the years I had known these two, I could not figure out how they could work so hard on me and then be done with themselves in a matter of minutes. It boggled my mind. Alice had picked out and zipped me into a dark green strapless dress that skimmed the top of my knees. She knows me so well, I thought with a smile as I slipped on the gold flats she had set out by the end of my bed.
"Bella? Would you go and get the boys? I brought outfits for them." Alice called from behind the bathroom door.
"Sure. You guys need a drink or anything?" I stood up and headed towards the door.
"No. But if you get one, use a straw! I don't want to redo your lips before we head to Volterra. Rose, honestly. You didn't wax today?" Alice commented and I let out a loud laugh.
"Fuck you, Bella!" Rosalie yelled as I left my room.
I found the boys in the living room, looking slightly buzzed as they lounged on the sofas. Emmett was flipping through the channels at lightning speed, eventually settling on the Food Network.
"Bells, you can cook, right?" He glanced up at me, eyes glazed over. I spotted the beer cans and open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and took a swig, silently cursing when I forgot Alice's warning. I hissed as the alcohol burned going down.
"Yea, why?"
"Then why don't you ever make delicious shit? Fuck, I could get off watching this channel." He turned the volume up as a steak sizzled on the grill.
"Now that you mention it, this could be considered porn for fat people." Edward commented thoughtfully, sipping from a glass that was perched on his chest.
"Exactly! When Rosie is working late or super tired, I watch this and imagine her cooking it naked. Bella! You could cook naked to get extra cash!" Emmett's smile when he was sober was contagious, but his smile when he was twelve sheets to the wind was just downright adorable.
"Emmett, for your birthday and your birthday only, I will cook your entire meal naked." Emmett's eyes widened, along with Edward's.
"Really?!" His voice squeaked and he vibrated with excitement.
"But I have one condition. Edward cooks naked with me as well." Emmett's eyes narrowed as he glanced at his brother. Nodding, Emmett looked back up at me.
"As long as you guys don't do it in the mashed potatoes, I'm cool with it. It's not like I haven't seen it before." Jasper shook his head, apparently coming out of an alcohol-induced stupor.
"What is going on? The last thing I remember is Emmett talking about football and now Bella's cooking naked? I need to stop drinking so much," Jasper's head hung over the back of the couch and his eyes fluttered closed. I laughed and rubbed his mop of dirty blonde hair. Alice strutted in, with Rosalie right behind her.
"Sweet baby Jesus, it's been an hour and you're already halfway gone. Are they even going to let you into the club?" Rosalie peered into Emmett's eyes and covered her mouth and gagged when he let out a long breath.
"Hey baby. You look…hot." His hands snuck around her waist and she smacked at them.
"Hands off. I worked hard to look this good and I plan on showing it off before I let your ham-hands ruin this." She gestured to her mid-thigh, skin-tight black mini-dress with a plunging neckline. Alice flitted around the living room over to where I stood next to Jasper. Her bright blue dress swirled around her and made her look like the pixie I had nicknamed her as.
"What did you do to him?" She poked Jasper in the shoulder and he groaned, his right eye popped open.
"I don't want any more, Alice. Make them stop."
"What did you do?!" Alice gripped the sides of her boyfriends head and shook.
"The room is spinning. Why is the room spinning?"
"Are we sure if we even want to go to Volterra? I'm pretty sure Jasper will start crying in a matter of minutes and Emmett is going to find the nearest fast food restaurant and violate the first things he sees." Edward said from behind me, startling me. He took another swig from his glass and set it on the coffee table.
"We are going, even if we leave the Wonder Twins home alone. Bella's hair is too perfect not to show it off and Rosalie wants men to get to their knees when she walks in." Alice said, covering Jasper's eyes with her hands.
"Oh God, it's so dark. Alice, what's going on?" Jasper cried out, his hands gripped the couch desperately.
"Let's get them in the car before Jasper builds a fort out of sofa cushions." Alice heaved her boyfriend up off the couch and Edward grabbed my hand. As we left the apartment, I leaned in, my lips barely brushing his ear. I felt him shiver and smiled.
"Please tell me that Alice was joking about Jasper building a fort." Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and laughed.
"It's a long story that involves more alcohol than I ever thought possible for any human to consume. He called it his 'Fortress of Safety'. Emmett knocked it over, pretending to be Godzilla. Jasper lost his shit and hid in the closet for the rest of the night." Edward hailed a taxi as I struggled to regain my composure.
"Here I was, thinking Jasper was the normal one out of the three of you." I sighed, thoroughly amused. The rest of the group showed up right as the taxi parked itself in front of us.
"Baby, there is nothing normal about any of us. Now, get your fine ass in the taxi and let's go!"
I promise that in next chapter, they'll be at the club.
