29.
The night, I dreamt about high school. It was a bit strange. I had been roaming the halls of Angel Grove High School but as an adult. Tommy and Zach had been there as well, looking as they did in high school. He was even sporting the long hair in the back like when he was the green ranger. Everyone talked about some big dance coming up and whether they had dates. Whenever I tried to talk to anyone, they didn't seem to hear me. I just walked silently through the halls, observing just a typical day here. I passed classrooms and lockers, Miss Appleby standing in the hallway as she gave a student assistance with some assignment. Bulk and Skull even made an appearance, the two bullies trying to hit on some girls who were not having it.
Around a corner, I spotted Jason leaning up against his locker. Trini was standing in front of him, her long hair braided down her back with a yellow ribbon tying them. Both of them turned and smiled at me as I walked near them. She turned, her arms filled with books. She said something I couldn't hear, the noise of the hallway too loud. I tried to move closer to hear here but I couldn't move. She said something else before looking up at Jason who wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He gave her a peck on the forehead and they both headed up the hallway away from me. I went to follow but I found myself heading the opposite direction. Trini looked over her shoulder one last time as me, winking as she grinned.
I woke up and felt like I had been pulled from a nice warm bath. I wasn't drenched in sweat like I normally would be after a dream with Trini in it. Instead, I found myself smiling as I laid there. Trini had looked so good. The teen version of her in the hallway of the high school, a place I hand seen her a thousand times. Though they hadn't been together in high school, her and Jason looked so natural together. I had thought then since we were younger and had even mentioned it to them (separately of course) but neither of them agreed with me. Obviously I knew better than them since they ended up together. It was sad that their time together was cut short though. I remember when they first got together that Trini told me she felt that Jason was the one. That he was the man she was going to marry and build a family with. She knew that without giving it a second thought. That's the type of love people hope to have in their lives.
Rolling over, I saw that Tommy was still sleeping in his bed. He was facing me, his bare chest sticking out slightly from under the bed spread. His chest rose as he breathed deeply, his face looking peaceful as he did. I thought about the younger version of him I had seen in my dream. How carefree and happy he had looked. Much different from the Tommy I was looking at right now. Though he was still a cheerful person, there wasn't much happiness about him. I can tell the difference between real happiness and when he's trying to fake it for my sake. For his performances this summer, he should receive an Oscar. This Tommy has been through Hell and I knew some of it was because of me. I was big enough to admit to it. And I was big enough to know that it just wasn't the break up that had beat him down. It was the constant back and forth toying we've been doing. I knew it wasn't good for him. I knew the truth. He didn't. He didn't know how much I wanted to be with him but couldn't be. That I couldn't make him go through that type of heartbreak again. That would be the only real ending of our story. There would be no happily ever after into the sunset. This would end up with us hating each other and wishing he had stayed in Reefside. It killed me inside to know that was the truth.
Tommy was always going to be the Jason in my story. He would be the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That I saw myself marrying and having kids with. It had been the plan when we were kids ourselves. Every teen couple has that dream though. You'd grow up, get married, buy that cute little house and start popping out babies like a Pez dispenser. That's not how life works in the real world though. Things happen. Like jealousy. Alcoholism. Me. I caused the guy laying in the bed across from me so much pain that I was pretty sure I could be classified as a torture device. Pain that he didn't deserve that for some reason, I thought I had the right to do. Tommy didn't do anything but loved me and I treated him like dirt. I would never be able to make up for that no matter what I did. Not even telling him how I felt could erase the past between us. There was one thing I did know for certain though. No matter what, I can't let things go as far as they did the other night. Especially when we go to his house for the next couple of days. It would just be poking a fire with a match.
I took the opportunity to shower, enjoying the nice hot water. Once I was out, I packed up my things in the bathroom and dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top. Walking out, I saw that Tommy was packing up his suit case. He was rocking some serious bed head, his hair stick up in various spots on his head. He had found a t-shirt to slap on and had replaced his shorts with a pair of jeans.
"Morning." I said cheerfully, walking into the room. I grabbed my suitcase and set it up on the bed.
"Morning." He replied, rubbing his face with his hands. "How'd you sleep?"
"Alright. You?"
"I feel like I didn't sleep at all, honestly. I think it's this bed." He stretched, his back popping slightly.
"Or maybe it's because you have the body of a ninety year from fighting monsters." I offered, shrugging my shoulder.
"Well someone is feeling quiet snarky this morning." He stated, heading towards the bathroom. "Sounds good coming from you though."
"I feel great. Last night was fun. I'm really looking forward to the wedding now. It's been great seeing everyone again."
"I'm glad. I know they are all happy to have you back. Especially Aisha. Sorry about everything with Kat. I honestly didn't see her acting like that in the slightest when I pictured you coming back." Bending down, he grabbed a pair of his jeans from the corner of the room and put them over his arm.
"It's alright. I deserve to get my ass handed to me. I didn't think it'd be her either but nonetheless, it was bound to happen. I'm sure that she just said what everyone else was thinking. We talked it out. I know she's with someone right now but I think she still has a thing for you, Tommy. It might not be too late to try to work things out with her."
"Nah. It just wouldn't work out between us. Plus, Kat is the one who decided we weren't compatible. After awhile, I think we both realized there just was something that didn't connect the way it should have if we were going to be together. It was nothing bad but there was just something about Kat I couldn't get over."
"Oh yeah?" I asked, my ears perking up with curiosity. Did Kat have some big hidden secret that only Tommy knew? Something that didn't make her this perfect blonde goddess. If so, I needed to know it. "What's that?"
"She wasn't you." He simply said, giving me a small smile.
"What?" I whispered, looking at him confused.
"No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't be what I needed her to be. You. And once we both realized that, we knew it wasn't going to work out. There was no big break up or hard feelings. She just wasn't you."
Tommy went to take a shower after laying that little piece of information on me. It added more guilt to my shoulders, making me feel like a big piece of shit for breaking up with him. I had known what I did all that time ago was shitty. I didn't realize it had put a halt on him moving on with anyone. I always figured that shit just didn't work out with Kat because of how different the two of them were. I'm not saying I wasn't thrilled when he admitted when he first came to Florida that they weren't together. That's more than obvious. But I didn't imagine that it was because he hadn't been able to get passed the fact she wasn't me. And that made me feel horrible. Tommy deserved to be happy with someone. Even if it was someone other than Kat, he still should have tried. But now, I can see why he was still single. He was still hung up on me. He was still holding on to the hope that somehow, our lives would connect again and we would be together. On one hand, it made me sad for him and angry at myself. On the other, I was elated to know that he still loved me that much. Maybe the idea of working on myself and finding a way for us to work out wasn't as stupid as I thought.
After we were all packed up, I helped Tommy carry our things down to the jeep. He ran to the front desk to check out while I climbed up into my seat. It was a drizzly day here in Angel Grove. The sky was gray above my head and there was a wet film on everything. It was muggy on top of the wetness and everything felt sticky. My legs stuck to his leather seats while I waited for Tommy to jog across the parking lot towards the jeep. He pulled open the door and climbed in, water droplets appearing on his reading glasses. He wiped them off on his black zippered hoodie, doing his best to make his vision more clear to drive.
"I hope it's nicer on Saturday." He said, turning the engine over. I nodded, putting my seat belt on.
"I think it will be. At least, that's what the weather report said this morning. I'm sure Aisha would murder a weatherman if not." I said. Tommy chuckled, putting his seat belt on.
"Oh, more than likely. I could see her hunting one down at the TV station. Rocky better watch himself. Once their married, she will have more reason to want to kill him. And no one is gonna stop her." He shifted the jeep into reverse and backed out of the parking spot. Turning the wheel all the way to the left, he shifted it into drive and pulled out of the parking lot.
"I'm surprised she hasn't maimed him yet." I replied, glancing out the window. "Those two were destined for each other. No one else would be better suited for them."
"I agree. They are complete opposites which is why they work so well." Tommy added, reaching over and turning on the radio. The tail end of a Weezer song was playing before heading straight into a Staind number. Tommy turned it down a little, not wanting the music to overpower our conversation. He drove into Angel Grove, the traffic heavier now that it had been all weekend. People were up and moving, heading to work. Many of the people in Angel Grove worked in the big cities around us, mainly Los Angeles. With the edges of the major city just touching our city limits, it wasn't that big of a deal to drive that far for work. Others worked for the factories on the other side of Angel Grove. Then there were those who worked on the docks, running the fishing boats and catering to the busy summer tourist season.
"Do you ever think about what life would have been like if we hadn't become rangers?" I asked, turning to look over at him. He swatted the directional knob, indicating we would be going left.
"Sometimes. You?"
"All the time." I replied. "Where do you think life would have ended up for you?"
"Oh, probably owning my own dojo or working at one at the very least. That had been the plan when I was that age. What about you?"
"I haven't a clue, really. I mean I had my gymnastics but it wasn't like I was really going into it when we were chosen. I don't know where I would be."
"I think you still would have done some great things. That's the kind of person you are." Tommy said, pulling down Billy's street.
"Do you ever regret Rita picking you or you joining us after that?"
"Hmm…" He paused, parking along the curb. "That's quite the loaded question I suppose."
"How so? You either do or you don't."
"Well, there is the part where I did so many bad things while under her spell. People died and were hurt because of that. I regret that part. But if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been able to join the team and help so many people either. There wouldn't have been a Dino Thunder team. The gems would have been used for evil. And I don't think I would have had the chance to be as close to all of you guys if I hadn't been a ranger."
"Really? I think we still would have been friends, Tommy."
"Maybe but not like we were. There's something about working together to try and save the world. It builds a bond between people that's different. I sometimes feel like we're closer than most families. I don't think I would like to live a life where I wasn't friends with Jason or Billy. And I surely wouldn't want to have a life that didn't have you in it."
"Flattery gets you no where, Mr. Oliver." I replied, smirking at him. He shrugged.
"Some day it might. What about you? Do you regret getting picked by Zordon?"
"Depends on the day. Some days, I wish he hadn't. I think it was wrong for him to put that much responsibility on the shoulders of teenagers. I get it though. We were young and strong fighters. But I feel like my chance at being a normal teen was robbed because I was fighting monsters between classes. Most days though, I'm grateful. We did do a lot of good and we saved so many people from Rita and Zedd. Sometimes, I wish it hadn't ended. It was my choice to leave though. I knew when enough was enough. If I could go back, that would be one thing I would change."
"What else would you change?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. Now THAT was the loaded question. My leaving, me telling Trini I didn't want to come back home, me becoming an alcoholic, sleeping with countless men. Or breaking up with Tommy in general. The list was everlasting, growing with each passing day.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I replied before climbing out of the jeep.
"That would be why I asked." He called, hopping out himself. I ignored him, heading up the walkway towards Billy's front door. "Kimberly!" He called, sounding frustrated. I smirked, winking at him over my shoulder.
"Relax, Tommy. We have the next three days to talk about it. I'm sure we will find the time."
Aisha had been waiting in Billy's living room for me when we knocked on the door. To my surprise, she was alone. I had half been expecting Kat or Tanya to be with her for her final fitting. When I asked her though, she said that she felt it would be more of a good time for us to catch up than it was to have her entire bridal party following her around. I liked the idea, happy to spend some quality time with her. Billy and Tommy took off in his jeep while I climbed into Aisha's car. When she turned on the ignition, soft rap music came from the speakers. She turned the dial, her French tipped nails twisting it until it clicked off.
"How are things going with Tommy? Have things progressed at all?" She asked, pulling away from the curb. She wore a golden color cotton sun dress with a floral pattern today, her hair tucked into a loose bun at the back of her hair. She seemed to be as if she had rolled out of bed and tossed something on in an attempt to look good. She still did though, her smile radiating as she glanced at me.
"I'm not quite sure if you would call it progression." I replied, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
"So…you slept together again." She stated, shaking her head. I groaned, covering my face with my left hand.
"Yeah. Saturday night. He kept asking about us talking about our sex lives with each other. One thing led to another and here we are." She snorted, her eyebrow raising as she glanced at me from the corner of her eye.
"Girl, I don't even know what to say to you. Why don't you just get over whatever is holding you back and just get back with him? I mean you have no issue letting him in…more ways than one." She turned off the main drag and on to the highway that led to Angel Grove mall.
"It's not that easy and you're gross." I shot back, fighting a laugh. "I told you before that I am just trying to protect him. Tommy doesn't need my shitty life getting in the way of everything he's got going for him. He's doing well. I can't change that by inserting myself in the middle of it."
"Oh, something has already been inserted it seems." She replied, not looking in my direction. "If that is how you feel, maybe you should stop sleeping with him. It's only going to lead him into thinking it's going to happen. It's not fair to either of you."
"I know! It's not like I plan on it happening. Both times were just out of the blue mostly. Well, the first time definitely was. The last time was his fault."
"Oh? So it's Tommy's fault that you had sex with him?" She asked, increasing her speed as she merged with the other cars around us.
"In a way, yes." I stated, shrugging my shoulders.
"In what way? In the way where you have lost your damn mind? Cause I feel like that is the only appropriate answer in that situation. You don't have to be ashamed of the fact you two slept together. I just think that you should be doing everything you can to avoid it from happening again. At least until you figure out what you want."
"I can't help it though." I pouted. "It's the best sex I've had in years. Probably since I left California." Aisha let out a loud laughing, the car swerving slightly as she did. She straightened it out, correcting the car while a passing mini van honked loudly at us as it zipped by. Aisha flipped the soccer mom over, swearing at her as she did.
"Yeah, yeah. Same to you bitch!" She called. "I suppose that is a better reason than anything you have going right now. A good orgasm if the gift of life if you ask me. All I'm saying is that someone if going to end up hurt. Either you or Tommy. Probably the both of you more than likely. And after everything you've been through this last year, I think the last thing you need is some complicated booty call making you dive into the bottom of a bottle again."
"It's not complicated." I answered. "I don't think we should be in a relationship." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Tommy just doesn't see that."
"Well of course he doesn't. He sees the girl of his dream needing his help who keeps having sex with him. He probably thinks this is going to end with the two of you together. Don't get me wrong. I think that's what we all want here. But I also want to be realistic and know that you are trying to be too. You gotta look at things like Tommy is right now. He's trying to get back what he lost before. Something that might not be the worst thing for either one of you." She said, pointing a finger at me.
"Enough about my life. Tell me about your dress!" I said, clasping my hands together. "What kind is it?"
"A wedding dress. Nice try." She replied, rolling her eyes. "Fine. We can change the subject but just promise me that you will think about things. I know you're going with him to Reefside for the next couple of days. Try to keep your hands to yourself during that time until you know what you're going to do. Sex just complicates things."
"No. Feelings complicate things. The sex is the easiest part." I muttered, sighing. "But I will. Now can we talk wedding stuff?"
"Don't even get me started. Let me tell you about Rocky's grandmother and our damn seating chart."
Aisha and I talked about their wedding plans the rest of the way to the mall. She told me about the stressful points from Rocky's family trying to be involved more than they wanted them to be to Rocky wanting to sky dive into the reception. I fought hard to not laugh as she described trying to talk him out of it because it was something that only Rocky would think of. It had been his and Tommy's idea to do the sky diving for a cause when we were teenagers. Billy had tried to talk them out of it, showing them the statistics of people dying while jumping from airplanes for entertainment purposes. The idiots didn't care though and some how, we all ended up doing it. Of course, it was nothing compared to the shit we did when we were rangers. But that was stuff we couldn't avoid. Signing up for sky diving was a whole different story. One that I don't see myself repeating any time soon.
At the mall, we managed to find a parking spot fairly close to the main door of the JCPenney's wing where the bridal Shoppe was located. Aisha parked the car and we walked into the large department store, finding ourselves directly in the middle of the perfume section. A woman gave us a free sample of a type of perfume that was clearly meant for women over the age of 60, the over powering smell of lilac almost choking us as we fled for our lives out of the store. Now in the mall, I noticed they had done some remodeling since I had been here last. They had replaced the faded tan tiled floor with black granite, the lights above shimmering on it's waxed surface. There was also a new fountain and I had to laugh when I saw that there was a bronze statue of the Power Rangers in the middle of it. Water was shooting out near the feet as I took a step towards it. The white ranger was in the middle, pink on the left and red on the right. Yellow was on the other side of the red ranger, black next to them and blue on the right of the pink. Of course, none of them were colored due to being brass. I knew who was who just based off the helmets and the builds. I wasn't sure who had designed this but it was a pretty dead ringer for all of us.
"What the fuck is that?" I asked, looking over at Aisha who rolled her eyes.
"It's the statue that they had made for the museum. When they had a new one made, they shipped this one over here. Rocky likes it because it makes my boobs look a lot bigger than they actually are. I caught him trying to take a picture of them right after they stuck it there."
"That's great." I replied, laughing. "I need to take a picture of this for my boss. He's obsessed with all things Power Rangers." I pulled my cell phone from my purse and opened it. I took a quick picture and send it to Joey in a text message.
"Lucky for him he hired one then." She said as we headed towards the bridal store.
"He would die if he knew. I've thought about telling him. God knows the man can keep a secret better than anyone I know." People strolled passed us, enjoying their day. Teen girls were walking around with their friends and arms loaded with shopping bags. Mother pushed strollers with sleeping babies inside. The aroma of the food court drifted around the building, the smell of hot pretzels and some kind of taco stand mixing together. It had been a while since I had been to a mall. We had a huge one in Miami that I like to go to sometimes but I haven't been there much since I started drinking. Not having a vehicle or the will to live puts a damper on the things you like to do. It was odd to be walking the Angel Grove mall with Aisha right now, as if I had taken a time machine back to high school.
"Here we are." She said, taking a left and stopping in front of a store front. It had two large windows on either side of a glass door. In the windows, there were mannequins dressed in wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses and even flower girl dresses. Bridal Obsessions was printed on the door in fancy cursive writing, almost making it impossible to read. Aisha grabbed the handle of the door and pulled it open. I followed behind her, walking into the store.
"Hello, ladies!" A cheerful female voice called as we entered. I found myself standing in the middle of a sea of wedding dresses. Along three of the walls in the room, there were racks and racks filled to the brim with wedding dresses. The fourth wall held colorful dresses meant to be prom or bridesmaid dresses. In the middle of the room, there was a counter with a cash register as well as a walkway like it was Fashion Week in Paris. Of to the right of the room, there were two dressing room doors. A taller woman with brown hair in a pixie cut was behind the counter, flipping through a bridal magazine. She stood up straight when she saw us, a bright smile on her face. She looked to be about my mom's age, maybe a few years younger. She wore a black turtle neck sweater with black tights that told me she wasn't planning on spending the day in the sun. Under our feet, there was a beige color shag carpet and the walls that I could see were a deep burgundy color. If she didn't own a bridal store, I would guess one of those odd shops that sells sage and crystals and false hope in the afterlife. She screamed wanna-be psychic louder than anything.
"Hi, Mary." Aisha said, smiling at the woman. "I'm here for my final fitting!"
"Ohhh!" Mary exclaimed, clapping. "Are we getting excited? Getting down to the wire."
"I sure am. This is my best friend, Kimberly. She's here from Florida for the wedding." Aisha said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "She might also need a dress for it."
"Hmmm." Mary hummed, tapping a long red finger nail on her chin. "I might have something off the final sales rack she could bring home today. You've got a great body, Kimmy!" She winked, clasping her hands together. "I'll go grab the dress. You gals make yourself right at home!" With a wave, she disappeared behind a door that led to the back of the store if I had to guess.
"She's interesting." I said, smirking at Aisha who rolled her eyes.
"She's off her damn rocker. But, she did me good with my dress so I can't complain." Mary returned then, a giant dress bag in hand. She motioned for Aisha to follow her and the two went into the fitting room. I perched myself on a stool that was set up along the runway. My phone chirped in my purse and I pulled it out. It was a text message from Joey, four happy faces in a row with a thank you message. I replied back that he was welcome and closed my phone. I paused when I went to put it back. Eyeing the dressing room, I wondered how much time I had. Flipping my phone open again, I dialed Jason's number. He had to be free by now. It was a new day. He was going to answer and we were going to get through this. It rang three times before going to voicemail. I left him another message before hanging up. I also sent him a text, asking him to reply back if he wanted to see me.
"Here she comes." Mary announced, stepping out of the dressing room. "Please, no pictures until the big day." She gestured towards my phone.
"Oh, no. I was just trying to call someone. Sorry." I shoved the phone back in my bag. The door of the room opened and Aisha stepped out. She smiled at me as she carried a big bulk of white fabric in her hands. She walked over to the walkway and stepped up, four inch white heels on her feet. Standing there, she let the dress fall and Mary bent to help straighten it out.
"Aisha," I said, fighting back tears. "You look beautiful." And she did. The gown was made of a lace material, covering her shoulders and running the lengths of her arms. It was a modest neckline, dropping enough to give her some nice cleavage but not enough to give Rocky's mother a heart attack. The gown flowed down passed her feet, the train going a good two or three feet behind her. In her hair, there was a machine veil with lace of the brim. She didn't have it over her face but I could see where it would be on the big day.
"Don't cry." She warned, her voice cracking. "Cause if you do, then I will and we will get nothing else done today."
"I'm sorry. I just never thought I would get to see you walk down the aisle. To Rocky." I said, a tear slipping down my cheek. I stepped forward and gave her a tight hug. "Thank you for letting me be here today."
"Thank you for coming back home where you belong."
