For MadameJelly, because she asked :) Hope I did it justice!


Regret

He sat deep in thought as he stared out the one small window of his cell. The Ombudsman had come by earlier, accompanied by a Witness and two guards to offer him one last chance to issue a statement of regret as was standard protocol for Death-Row inmates on the eve of their execution.

"All you have to do is admit to being under alien influence, Sir, and issue a formal apology to the Empire. It's not particularly dignifying, I know, but the alternative is eternal humiliation. You don't have the luxury of Deactivation; Irk wants to make sure everyone remembers the penalty for this particular offense. You can spare your life and your dignity if you just listen to me."

Everything had been a bit of a blur for Red since the true nature of his relationship with his co-leader had been spelled out in bold headlines across galaxies with undoctored images they could find no way to protest. What made this time different from any previous scandal was their administration launched a formal investigation – without their knowledge. It was difficult to bug their rooms, but the Covert Ops team finally succeeded. They had even gone so far as to intercept their laundry on one occasion. With video, imaging, and DNA, there was enough evidence to force the Tallest to stand Trial.

They had been separated since the Trial started, only able to see each other while present at hearings. Red had been running on autopilot the whole time. Dissociated. Removed. He hardly slept or ate during his time in prison, and never once complained about the cramped space or quality of the little food he did eat. He never countered any of the guard's slurs, had no reply to their jeers, and never resisted their random urges to beat the shit out of him. They had grown so frustrated at one point, a group of particularly angry guards nearly killed him. Red never said a word or made a noise that wasn't his body breaking. They had been reassigned, and after that, the guards grew rather afraid of him and very rarely acknowledged his existence.

Red hadn't been acknowledging his own existence. He had lost everything, so he really had nothing to acknowledge. Nothing, until earlier that night when the Ombudsman offered him the chance to state his remorse in front of the official Witness. He sat there, extending to him one final opportunity to redeem himself.

Red had laughed.

Hard, at first and then calmed down a bit, before immediately bursting into another fit. The Ombudsman, to say the least, was very cross.

"It won't be so funny tomorrow when they unravel your atomic structure!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he had wiped at his eyes, taking some deep breaths in amusement, "It's just… I'm so sorry for you. I am really, truly sorry."

He stared at the former leader as if he were deranged, "You're the one too stubborn to save his own life. You're the idiot who went breaking our most sacred law in the first place."

"And you wanna know what the best part is?"

"I'd love to hear this."

"Between us, I'm the one who's gonna die without regrets." Red replied in an impassioned tone of voice and a fierce expression, "What's your life worth in the grand scheme of things? What do you matter, what difference have you made to anyone? Oh sure, you'll be recorded in history somewhere in the Population Archives as nothing but a birth and death and you will have never really lived a moment of your stupid little life! You think you know so much about the value of a life – here you are, begging me to save myself, and look at you! You're pathetic! Your rules and logic and beliefs and absolutes aren't worth my spit! You're empty! So much, there is so much you ignore, that you never see – never bother to see – because you never look! You'll never notice how beautiful these walls are, or how that window splits the light at sunset; you'll never know how wonderful it is to feel pain and sadness and joy and love! I'm happy!" He shouted, "I miss Purple, I miss him more than you will ever be able to imagine – my heart is broken so badly it hurts to breathe sometimes, and you know what? I'm happy! I'm happy because I had something real! I love this cell, I love that window, the sky, the guards who cracked my skull in three places! I love those things as much as I loved watching Purple laugh, holding him, touching him… when I felt the spark between us, I felt like everything was new again. I've been wondering since this whole ordeal began, about what I should feel, but I'm not confused anymore!"

He felt as if he had finally woken up, as if the Ombudsman's words had recalled Red's mind back to his body and the former leader felt completely present in the moment. No longer was he the silent, withdrawn shell he had appeared for the past several months; there was something so much more inside him, and it had always been there. The Ombudsman didn't seem to care, he seemed rather disgusted, actually, but Red never stopped smiling.

Red watched the sun setting in that particular way he liked through the window with the smile that hadn't faded still on his lips. He took in a deep breath and felt his heart swell with happiness; he thought of Purple and thought his chest might burst with love. He wondered how anyone could expect him to regret anything that could make him feel like this. He was glad that his name would haunt their history forever, and as he said goodnight to the sun for the last time, overwhelmed with joy, he could only hope that the crowds tomorrow would greet him with cries of hate.


A/N: This thing ended up being a hybrid homage to The Stranger by Albert Camus and the film American Beauty. I've never met a single person other than myself who liked that book. I always thought Mersault's ability to find beauty in the mundane was pretty deep.

An ombudsman is an official appointed to investigate individuals' complaints against maladministration, esp. that of public authorities. Really, I just liked the word.