I Do Not Own CSI but could you imagine if i did


"And," Sara's voice wavered

"Your name was on that list," Gil said as the room fell to an eerie silence.

"Sara, honey, say something," Gil said as she clutched Charlie close. She said nothing as she rocked him while he suckled.

"Sara"

"It happened so many years ago. Its one of the things I dealt with when I left," she whispered.

"I don't think you can ever get over rape. You can deal with it, not let it take you over and move on but…"

"But," Gil said, stroking her cheek trying to get Sara to look at him.

"But you'll never forget it. The sounds he made, what he smelled like, his touch. Right now I can still remember that day as if it happened hours ago."

"Honey…"

"That's why I'm so glad I have you. With you I feel safe and protected."

"And you always will be, Sara.

I'll always be here," Gil said, turning her head towards him He kissed her on lips, showing her just how much love he felt for her forgetting that Charlie was laying in between them until he let go of Sara's breast.

"Let me take him. Go into the bedroom and wait. We can talk in there, ok," Gil said, taking Charlie out of her arms.

"Thank you"

"Come on, buddy let's change your diaper and get you back to bed," Gil cooed softly as he laid his son down on the change table. He quickly and efficiently changed the wet one for a new one. When finished, Gil laid him down in his crib where Charlie whined for a second before closing his eyes and drifting off to a deep sleep.

Walking back towards the bedroom Gil heard a soft cry from the other side of the door.

"Sara, honey," Gil said quickly, walking towards her seated form on the bed.

"Just hold me, please," she said through tears as Gil embraced her fully, holding her close, letting her cry while he whispered how brave, how strong, how wonderful she was and that he loved her so much it hurt in between the kisses he placed around her head.

Hearing her hiccup, Gil loosened his hold around her to look at her face,

"I love you."

"Show me."

"Sara, I don't know if…"

"Gil, I need to feel you, feel my husband, father of my children, not have the memory of that man raping me," she said pleadingly, pulling at his clothes.

"Sara, stop, this isn't how…"

"Please, Gil," she whispered, chastely kissing him on the lips, hoping he would respond to her. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes.

"Please" was all she had to say before Gil kissed her back, laying her down while pulling at her long sweat shirt.

"Love me," she asked as his hands trailed her body.

"Always," Gil replied, entering her in one thrust as he lay on top of her.

For the next hour their love making was slow but strong and powerful. Soft caresses, loving kisses and sounds of encouragement were what fuelled their bond and what brought both of them over the edge.

Panting hard, Sara nuzzled herself in the crook of Gil's arm.

"Thank you"

"You never have to thank me for loving you, Sara. That has always been free."

"Why did this have to happen now, when I'm happy, we're happy? Why did this person have to come back?"

"I don't know, honey, but I promise you, we'll get through this and we'll find this man and punish him. I promise you."

"Don't say that because you can't promise you'll catch him. SFPD couldn't find him."

"But we're not SFPD, Sara. We have one of the best teams in this country working on this. The team and Jim are going to find him and when they do, you can bet that we'll both be there to watch him be put to justice."

"The two other women, how old were they?"

"Twenty and twenty one"

"I was twenty, just finished school and was back to visit San Francisco and the few friends I had there. After that happened, I left again, didn't go back until I finished Berkley and decided I wanted to be a CSI. I wanted to help find the people responsible for hurting others, for hurting me," she whispered out the last part as Gil hugged her close.

"Sleep, try and sleep," he whispered in her ear.

"Don't leave tonight, please don't leave tonight."

"Promise"

The rest of the night was a restless one. Sara was up and down most of the night with nightmares, reliving that fateful night.

By seven o'clock Gil heard the triplets start moving about and slowly got out of bed where Sara was finally in a dreamless sleep, or so Gil hoped.

"Hey guys," Gil said as he met his three oldest kids in the hallway.

"Daddy," they all said groggily, still waking up, not used to seeing Gil this early in the morning.

"Go use your potties then we'll make breakfast," Gil said quietly, while instructing them into the bathroom. He walked down the hall towards the twin's bedroom to see his girls standing up in their cribs, looking like they were going to climb out of it.

"It looks like we might have to get you some big girl beds soon."

"Dada out," Isabelle said.

"What do you say?"

"Peas," she said, bouncing with a smile.

"That's right, now what do you say after that?"

"Ank ou," Gracie said as her feet hit the ground.

"Why don't you two go down stairs and I'll be down in a minute, ok," he asked, watching his girls scamper out of the room in their little nightgowns.
Hearing Charlie whimper Gil went further down the hall to his room.

"Hey, little man," he said, picking him up.

"Shhhhhh, we're going to let Mommy sleep for awhile today, ok. Hopefully she still has a bottle in the fridge for you," he cooed as Charlie settled down as Gil walked down the hallway. Peeking his head in the bathroom, he found Wyatt, Jack and Abigail all at the sink washing their hands.

"Hungry," he asked. They all nodded eagerly. "Ok, why don't you three watch some cartoons while I make some breakfast, ok?"

"Dora"

"No Bob"

"Barney" was shouted out.

"How about Sesame Street," Gil said, turning on the TV.

Hearing the phone ring, Gil quickly grabbed it while putting a bottle in the microwave for Charlie.

"Hello?"

"Gil, how's Sara? Is everything ok? Do you need help with anything," Catherine asked all in a rush.

"Sara will be ok, she sleeping right now. It was a long night."

"Nightmares?"

"A little bit yeah"

"Do you need us to do anything?"

"Just find whoever did this, Catherine."

"We're doing our best, Gil. His picture has been plastered to the morning news and we have eyes everywhere. Gil, I know it's none of our business but why did Sara never say anything? She told us about her childhood, and foster care. She could have told us, we could have helped."

"I know, Catherine, but this was different than her childhood. Sara was twenty years old when this happened and something that was immensely private.
Just like her childhood it's something that you will deal with and move on from but never forget. I think part of it was also Sara protecting herself. She didn't want any more sympathy or pity from anyone. She wanted to be strong, and if she told you about it after she told you everything that happened when she was a child, she was scared to think of what you would think of her."

"We would not have thought any less of her, Gil, you know that, right."

"I do, but try looking at this from Sara's point of view."

"I get it, I do. Umm, is there anything that we can do, food, babysitting, anything."

"Just cover for me at work. I'm going to stay home for a couple days."

"It's already covered, Gil. Stay at home, take Sara to the park with your kids and dog."

"That was what I was thinking. Catherine, make sure this stays private ok. No one besides the team, Wendy and whoever else helps on this case knows about Sara's involvement."

"Mum is the word, Gil. The only people who know are us, Jim, and Wendy.
We'll keep it that way, I promise."

"Hey Cath, when you find the SOB who did this, call me. I want to be there when he's brought in."

"Do you think that would be wise, Gil, if we catch him?"

"I need to be there. I think Sara does too. She has gotten closure on everything else in her life but this. She needs to know this guy can't hurt anyone else."

"I'll keep you posted, then. Look, I have to go, Greg is flagging me down. Give Sara our love, ok."

"I will, thank you Cath."

"No thanks necessary," she said, hanging up.

"Ok guys, come eat," Gil called into the living room. He helped them all into their chairs when they came into the kitchen.

"Enough for me," Sara asked sleepily, coming into the kitchen as Gil was buckling in Charlie.

"Yeah, sit. I'll go make you a plate," Gil said, going into the kitchen and bringing out another plate of eggs and toast.

"Thank you"

"You're welcome, now eat before it gets any colder."

"Don't worry I'm used to cold eggs"

"Well these are still warm, so eat up."

"Do you have to work tonight?"

"No, Catherine is covering. I'm home tonight. I was thinking maybe we could go out with the kids today, go to the park, get some ice cream."

"Ice ceam," Abigail asked.

"Later, after lunch we can have ice cream," Gil said, smiling at Abigail's eagerness.

"She's got your sweet tooth."

"But she looks just like her mother," Gil replied.

"Have anything else planned?"

"A little, I was thinking we could order in tonight, rent a movie, and relax on the couch, nothing stressful."

"Not like taking six kids to the park isn't stressful," Sara said through a small smile.

"But that's a fun stressful, swings and slides, watching your kids play. Not like the office where…," Gil stopped speaking, realizing what he was going to say.

"Where cases take over your mind. Gil, I know, I was a CSI, remember. Let's just go have some fun with our kids today, we can deal with this thing after," Sara said, not wanting to say rape in front of her kids.

"Later. Let's just be today."

"I would like nothing more than that."

OK theres more to come concerning the rape.

Thank you so much for the reviews, i love getting them and these ones were great!

please let me know what your thinking and stay tuned for more!

Katie