A/N: Alrighty all, DarkUnderworld here.:) I am writing this note in regards to Guest #1, who pointed out the similarities between the scene between Leo and Mikey in the last chapter, and another scene in another fic written by Shellgirl123. We greatly appreciate that you pointed this out to us, so thank you.

First off; plagiarism is awful and I can't imagine why anyone who would plagiarize anything. If you cannot come up with your own ideas, don't write.

Now, I have never read Shellgirl123's fic 'Ghost Within,' but Amonraphoenix believes she has, though she does not specifically remember reading the fic. (She reads too many to remember every single one she has ever read.) Now, the scene between Leo and Mikey was written by Amonraphoenix, and she was absolutely horrified to learn that a scene she thought was her original idea; wasn't. That her scene was subconsciously influenced by this fic is most likely, but it was NEVER intentional. Amonra has more than enough ideas floating around in her head to ever have to resort to copying someone else's work. And as soon as we learned about the issue, I immediately re-wrote the scene. So the issue has been rectified, hopefully to everyone's satisfaction. (Thank you again to Guest #1 for acknowledging that we did indeed change the scene.)

So to everyone who has enjoyed the fic so far, hopefully you will continue to enjoy it, because it is going to be a bumpy ride;)

Thank you,

Dark.

Raphael paused with his hand mere inches away from the worn, wooden surface of Leo's door. The food tray in his hand felt heavier than it actually was. He dreaded when it was his turn to try to get Leo to eat the food that had been prepared for him by Mikey. Unfortunately, it was his turn and he knew he had no choice but to brave his older brother's dark bedroom, and try to get him to eat something.

It had been almost a month since Mikey had been able to reach Leo, and pull him back from whatever hellish nightmare he had been re-living, but this did not mean that Leo was better. In fact, over the past month, Leo seemed to be getting worse.

Raph carefully balanced the tray, shifting it slightly to knock on his brother's closed door. He didn't wait for a reply, because he knew he would not get one. He opened the door very slowly, announcing his presence before stepping into the room and turning on the light.

"Hey, Leo, lunch time." He announced, putting on his biggest, brightest smile, even though he was cringing inside.

Leo's recovery had been a slow and tedious one. Don started him off on food that was basically baby food.

'Donatello looked at all of them, as Leo slept fitfully in his cot nearby. Don's voice was low and even, trying to explain to them what to expect from Leo in regards to his recovery.

"Leo's stomach has shrunk, and he hasn't eaten in so long, he needs to eat slowly." Don explained to them. "Basically for the next two weeks, he will eat pureed food, the consistency of baby food. Then we can start making his meals larger and more solid, so things like oatmeal and chunky soups. After that, he will be able to eat regular meals, but his portion sizes will be relatively small for several more weeks."

"But, Donnie, Leo looks like a living skeleton." Raph protested. "We need to pack the weight on him. Otherwise, it looks like a strong wind's gonna blow him away." Raph insisted.

"I know, Raph." Donnie soothed. "But if we feed him too much too quickly, he's going to get violently sick, which will just make his condition worse."

Raph bit down his angry retort and gave a curt nod of understanding. The problem was he wanted Leo to be better, right now… not four months from now. He wanted to see his big brother open his eyes and have the steely eyed look of determination, spirit, and leadership he was used to seeing. It was too hard seeing his older brother -someone he secretly looked up to and admired- frightened, weak, and incredibly vulnerable.'

Leo had initially been compliant when eating. He really didn't seem to know what was going on, just opening his mouth and letting them feed him like he was a baby. It wasn't until Leo became more aware of what was going on around him that he had suddenly freaked out.

Mikey had been bringing in a tray of oatmeal with dry toast, placing it on the table beside Leo's cot in the infirmary.

Mikey had smiled brightly at their older brother. Their father was in his room, and Raph was just walking in from the garage with Donnie, having been working on fixing their van, which had begun to leak oil. "Hey, Leo, time for breakfast." Mikey sang with a grin, as he was about to position the tray over Leo's legs.

It was then that Leo's dull, blank, brown eyes had suddenly snapped into focus. He tipped the tray away and launched himself backwards, sliding onto the floor in an ungainly heap.

Leo was still very much weakened by his time spent as a prisoner of the Shredder, and his recovery from falling to the floor was slow, yet vicious. Leo scrambled away, his hand raised up, as if warding off an expected blow. His face was full of raw, animalistic terror.

"Leo... I..." Mikey was so shocked by his brother's terror, stricken reaction that he hadn't known what to do, or say. He moved forward about to help Leo up off the floor, but his brother's eyes were trained on the food, as if it were a venomous snake about to strike.

Leo made a sort of whimpering noise in the back of his throat, managing to drag himself further into the corner. He flinched away from Mikey's touch; curling himself into a tight ball, shaking with fear.

Mikey's terrified and tear filled gaze had shot to Donnie, his eyes begging their genius brother to make sense of what had suddenly happened with Leo.

"Leo..." Donnie began softly, arms raised, palms out in a calming gesture. Donnie moved towards Leo very slowly, like someone approaching some sort of mindless, dangerous beast, who, at any moment, would ferociously and viciously strike. "Leo, it's okay, it's just us." He said calmly, as Leo pressed himself further against the wall, his eyes darting wildly from side to side, mindless terror filling them.

Leo looked confused for a moment, before clutching at his head and slowly standing. Donnie moved then, managing to catch Leo as he started to slip to the floor, his weakened body unable to take the strain of his sudden movements.

Leo flinched back and struggled weakly from Donnie's grip slightly, but finally sagged, and allowed Donnie to help him back to his cot.

They had of course asked Donnie what had happened, and Donnie had calmly explained that this was no doubt, the first of what were likely to be many 'episodes'.

'"Leo is suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." Donnie informed them in a level tone that belied the hurt, worry, and fear that swam around in his hazelnut brown eyes.

"But he'll get better... right, Donnie?" Mikey asked hopefully in a small, worried voice.

Raph and their father had looked at Mikey, and then swung their gazes to Donnie, hoping that he would have some positive news for them.

Donnie bit his lip before answering. "Leo's been through a lot. He was held prisoner, starved, beaten, poisoned, and tortured, both physically and mentally for nearly a month. His injuries have healed for the most part, but mentally..." Donnie's voice trailed off miserably.

"He's one brick short of a full load." Raph said bitterly.

Donnie winced at Raph's harsh words, but did not dispute them.

"So how do we fix 'im?" Raph asked gruffly.

Donnie sighed, walking over to a chair and slumping down in it. He sat for a few moments, contemplating Raph's question, the rest of their family eagerly awaiting Donnie's next words.

"We can't 'fix' him, Raph." Donnie began slowly, his voice weary, and containing the faint edge of helplessness. "I can't just give him a pill and erase everything that happened to him. All we can do is just take things one day at a time, and support him as best we can."

"So we can't do anything?!" Raph snarled, incredulous that there was absolutely nothing they could do to make Leo… Leo again.

Donnie rubbed his hands down his face. "There is a treatment called desensitization…"

"Great, let's do that." Raph interrupted; relieved that there was something they could do for Leo.

"Raph..." Donnie growled, getting irritated with his older brother's constant interruptions. "It isn't that easy. Basically, desensitization is when over time, by discussing the events that happened to him, his memories will become less painful, and easier to deal with."

"Wait, so this great 'cure' is sitting around with Leo, and getting him to relive what that sicko did to him, over and over again till it doesn't hurt anymore!" By this time, Raph was furious. His rage was not directed towards Donnie, but rather towards the Shredder.

His blood boiled, ripping and tearing through his body at what the Shredder had done to Leo. Raph had already imagined numerous ways that he was going to make the Shredder suffer, slowly and painfully before he finally let the bastard die… if he let him die. He ground his teeth together, trying not to shout at his brother that 'talking about it' was just about the worst idea he had ever heard.

He felt a light touch on his shoulder. He turned his head and saw that it was his father's gnarled hand, trying to give him a small amount of comfort and to remind him that Donnie could only do so much.

Raph felt his shoulders slump in defeat, as he let out a heavy hearted sigh.

"Donatello, I think that your method has much merit." Master Splinter said softly, his voice shaking with grief and sorrow.

Raph growled deeply in his chest. He had never felt so helpless and useless in his entire life. Even when Leo was in the hands of the Shredder, he at least knew that when they actually found Leo, they would be rescuing him.

Now all he could do was sit back and do nothing, but listen to Leo tell them each and every single indignity and torture the Shredder put his older brother through.

A painful wave of guilt and regret crushed his heart and soul every time the thought of his brother at the mercy of the Shredder. If they hadn't fought, none of this would have happened. He replayed their fight over and over again, wishing that he had done everything differently. But he knew he couldn't, and he supposed if he was forced to listen to what the Shredder did to Leo to get him to be Leo again, he would, because he owed his brother that much, and so much more for sitting on his ass when he was in trouble. He had let Leo go out alone and he had done nothing when he had heard that he had been captured by the Foot.

He had his regrets –and he would have to live with them for the rest of his life- so anything Leo needed, he would be there to give him, because he owed his brother in a way we could never repay.

"Fine." He finally conceded.

Donnie let out another sigh, and dragged his fingers across his tired eyes. "This is going to take time."

"Leo'll get better." Raph growled. "Leo's strong; he's the strongest outta all of us. A month or two, he'll be fine. Then we'll go and drag the Shredder outta whatever slimy hole he's hidden himself in, and get revenge." Raph punched his hand into his fist to illustrate his point.

"He's not going be better that fast, is he, Donnie?" Mikey asked in a small knowing voice, his gaze slipping to Leo's restless, sleeping form.

Donnie shook his head sadly. "PTSD could last the rest of his life. He may never completely recover from it."

Raph felt his blood turn cold at Donnie's grim pronouncement. "Ever?" He whispered hoarsely.

"It's worst case scenario, but yes." Donnie told them, shaking his head miserably.

A few days later, Leo was moved to his room, where it seemed he spent nearly all of his time, crouched in the corner of his room, staring off into space.'

Leo acknowledged Raph's presence by curling even more into the corner, trying to make himself as small as possible.

Raph looked around Leo's room. His bed hadn't been slept in, not that Leo seemed to sleep in his bed anymore, when he did decide to go to sleep. Usually, he just passed out where he was crouched from sheer exhaustion, and then he would only sleep for a few hours at most, before he woke up screaming in a voice that sent shivers down Raph's spine.

Raph was so used to smelling the scent of burning candles, and the hint of sandalwood incense, but now, Raph did not smell anything but stale air, and what he could only describe as illness. If despair had a scent, Raph knew that this was what it would smell like.

"You hungry, Leo?" He asked gently, knowing that he would be lucky to even get an answer.

Leo was still too thin. He would eat sporadically, sometimes going for days without food or water, before he finally broke down and ate and drank a tiny morsel of food and a few sips of water.

Leo flinched at the sound of Raph's voice, and he knew his brother was not going to eat today. He felt his shoulders slump. Leo had an aversion to food and drink. It was almost as if his body would get physically ill at the thought of eating or drinking anything. Some days were better than others, but today was a bad day.

Mikey had tried to get Leo to eat breakfast earlier, but had no luck at all. Mikey had told them that Leo had just stared into space, not even acknowledging that he had even entered the room.

Leo not getting any better was destroying their family, one tiny piece at a time. Mikey was crushed, Master Splinter was despondent, Donnie was exhausted, and Raph was just angry. Angry with the Shredder for what he had done to their family; angry with his family for looking to him now for leadership and answers he didn't have, and angry with Leo for not getting any better. But mostly, he was furious with the Shredder for breaking his brother.

Donnie had tried his desensitization technique, but the problem was that Leo didn't want to remember. He didn't want to talk about what happened; he didn't want to talk period. According to Donnie, there was nothing wrong with Leo's vocal chords or his throat, but for whatever reason, Leo had gone strangely mute.

Donnie informed them that it may be something in his brain, some unknown trauma that he was unable to deal with that was causing Leo to not be able to talk. Donnie worried that it was physical trauma to Leo's brain, rather than mental trauma that was preventing their brother from speaking, and was beginning to blame himself for not being able to heal it if it was; or Leo was just not talking of his own free will, because he didn't want to.

Whichever reason for his brother's disturbing silence, it was plain just pissing him off. Raph reined in his anger, and gently placed the tray on Leo's night table. He took a deep, calming breath and slowly walked over to his cowering brother.

"Listen, Leo, you gotta eat something, Bro. I don't want you getting sick." Raph pleaded to his brother softly, not daring to even touch him. Leo would generally react in one of two ways to being touched. He would either lash out, attacking them viciously, as if he were fighting for his life, or he would just shrink away from their touch, as if fearing that he was going to be harmed.

"How the hell are you gonna go out and get revenge for what the Shredder did to you if you don't eat, train, or sleep?" He asked, trying a different approach. His anger tainted his voice, even though he was trying to be gentle, but he was beyond frustrated.

Raph knew that he had no idea what his brother was going through, although he did know what his brother had gone through. Raph had forced Donnie to show him the files that he had taken from the Shredder's hideout. And he had watched the footage. He and Donnie together had watched every single horrifying, brutal, and torturous thing that had been done to Leo, because Donnie had needed to know so that he could help his brother, and Raph wanted to know so he could understand. That and he wanted to have a list in his head of the quid pro quo, eye for an eye vengeance that he was going to give the Shredder.

Both he and Donnie had agreed that they would not show either Mikey or their father the horrific video footage. Mikey was too sensitive and somehow managed to hold onto his naive innocence. Even though Mikey loved his horror movies, the footage in the files was much too gruesome and graphic to bear. As for their father, he was in too delicate a condition to handle the strain of seeing his son tortured in unimaginable, and dishonorable ways.

Their father's health had worsened slightly, and Donnie did not want Master Splinter's heart to suffer any more strain. Having Leo held prisoner for a month was bad enough; Leo not recovering was making their father's health even more perilous.

Leo's only answer to Raph's question was to curl up more into the corner and whimper slightly.

Raph dragged a hand down his face and breathed in and out a few times, trying to calm himself enough that he would be able to talk to his brother in a more gentle and understanding tone.

"Leo, listen… I can't pretend to understand what you're goin' through. Hell, I don't even know how you managed to survive in the first place. I don't think I woulda been able to last as long as you… been as strong as you." He reached out a hand to touch his brother's shoulder, but stopped just short as his brother's flesh quivered with fear.

Raph closed his eyes, fighting back the tears of hopelessness that filled his eyes. His arm fell to his side limply as he stepped back.

"I'll just leave the food on the table, in case you want it." Raph whispered hoarsely. He turned and left the room, closing the door gently behind him; because Leo reacted badly when his door was left open, seemingly feeling safer with it closed.

Leo heard the door to his cell close, and he let out a breath of relief. He uncurled his body slightly, not wanting to expose himself too much. He couldn't believe that Raph, or any of his family would even talk to him, let alone try to help him. After all, he had been responsible for each and every one of their grisly deaths.

Leo closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, trying to grasp what he could of reality. He had to tell himself that he was not in his cell, but in his bedroom, and that Raph and his family were alive and well. He had killed a copy of Raph. That was what they had told him. Leo had gutted a robot of some sort that was exactly like Raph. The robot looked exactly like Raph, right down to the scars that covered his body. It had moved like him, and even spoke like him; except… it hadn't been him.

Leo forced his eyes open and stared at the wall, memorizing each and every crack and placement of stone before his eyes.

'Why can't they just leave me alone?' He wondered miserably. 'Just because I haven't gotten my family killed, doesn't mean that I won't get them killed in the future if the Shredder attacked them again.'

He was so weak, so… useless…

The Shredder had won.

In the end, the Shredder had broken him. His mind, body, and spirit had been crushed beneath the Shredder's precise, and brutal tortures. It didn't matter that his body had managed to heal, because the mind within the body was nothing more than a shattered mess that was unable to tell what was real, and what was some horrible figment of his tortured psyche.

Leo shivered slightly, his eyes slipping closed. He was exhausted, but he refused to sleep, because every time he closed his eyes and fell into the darkness of his own mind, the Shredder was there, waiting for him; tormenting him all over again until he woke up screaming, not knowing if he was still in the hands of his tormentor, or safe at home with his loving family.

He studied the tanto he held in his hand. It would be so easy to end it all, right now. All of his pain and suffering would finally end; and his family would be able to move on, instead of being haunted and hurt by the wretched creature he had become.

The blade caught the light, that horrid brightness that lit up his world and burned his eyes.

He was useless, he was damaged, and he was too weak and powerless to be of any use to his family anymore.

The blade bit into the flesh of his left wrist, not deep enough to do any serious damage, but enough to draw a small line of crimson across his jade green flesh.

Pain.

He understood pain. He existed within a sea of pain so dark, and so deep that it was all he knew, all he could really understand anymore.

He relished in the pain, because somehow, it was comforting… soothing even. He gripped the wood handle of his tanto more tightly. He changed the position of the blade until the razor sharp tip rested against his plastron, right over his heart. All he would have to do is push it deep enough into his chest, and then there would be no coming back, no saving him this time. He would finally be free to die; end his wretched, hellish existence once and for all.

The lightly crimson stained blade clattered to the floor.

He was a coward.

He was not even brave enough to take his own worthless life. He buried his head in his arm and sobbed out his wretched grief.

He looked at the blood that marked his still too pale, too tightly stretched skin. The crimson liquid was somehow fascinating, warm against his cold flesh.

The pain was real, the blood was real, and that was comforting. For the first time since he had woken up and was plunged into this new nightmarish existence, something felt... good.

Darkunderworld and Amonraphoenix helped write this. And the note above was written by Darkunderworld. It was not intentional for us to write a scene that was so similar to another's. And I myself did read that story after it was pointed out to me. 'The Ghost Within.'