29- In the Snake's Pit
Back in Vaduz I took a long, hot shower, trying to wash away the memory of Nurmengard, the cold and the stench. My visit hadn't gone quite as planned. Although I had gotten all the information I needed I hadn't expected to feel sorry for the old man. I hadn't expected him to show gratitude for hearing a human voice, a few friendly words. Again I questioned the justice of the wizarding world if locking away criminals under inhumane conditions was the only way they knew to deal with them. People should be given a chance to regret, to show remorse, and Grindelwald had been full of remorse. He had spoken about his crimes, and it had made my stomach churn, but the guilt had been eating him up so I had listened to his confession and given him absolution in the end. If I was right and Voldemort was after the Elder Wand then Grindelwald wouldn't live long anyway, and the least I could do was to let him spend his last weeks with the feeling he had earned redemption. Well, that wasn't the only thing I had done to make his life a little less miserable. I had also arranged with Obermeier that the old man would get clean clothes, a warmer blanket and a bath once a week. Of course that hadn't sit well with Obermeier who seemed to shrink from the extra work, but one of his subordinates, an engaging young wizards called Fritz Blumtritt, had been eager to comply to my wishes. Whether is was because he pitied the old man or because he thought me pretty I didn't know and it wasn't relevant either.
When my hands looked wrinkled and before I could grow webs between my fingers I finally turned off the shower and wrapped myself in a bath robe. I called the room service to order a bottle of wine, still desperately in the need to calm myself down after the visit to Nurmengard. Perhaps I shouldn't take to heart the fate of others too much but then again I couldn't help it either. I guessed what haunted me most was the vision of Severus locked away for good in Azkaban because he had risked exactly that when he had run to Dumbledore all those years ago, telling him that Voldemort was after Lily. He was a Death Eater, he had received the Dark Mark- I couldn't whitewash that part of his past, I wasn't in complete denial. I wished to believe that Dumbledore had had a heart for the young, desperate man kneeling in front of him on a windy hilltop, and that his reason for not turning him over to the Aurors had also been out of sympathy instead of a just cool, calculating mind planning his next step, pondering how he could take advantage of the situation and manipulate him, turn him into a pawn. I had merely taken a glimpse at the agony Severus was in then and even that glimpse had been almost too hard to bear.
I picked up my Two-way mirror, longing to see him, to hear his voice. I needed to talk to someone now but I was not in the mood to call Sirius although that would have probably been the more encouraging option. On the other hand I would have to explain why I was so down that I needed cheering up, and since he didn't even know where I was or whom I had just visited, I decided to spare myself the trouble that would come along with the truth. Some things were better to be discussed in private than on the phone.
"Severus?"
Immediately his head popped up in my mirror, sallow as ever; the pale colour of his skin standing out in stark contrast with the blackness of his eyes, curtains of black hair framing his face.
"Raven! How are things proceeding?"
I told him about the meeting with Grindelwald and started crying. He shoot me a slightly perplexed glance, his black eyes unusually soft- or maybe my vision was blurred due to the tears dangling in my lashes.
"Oh please stop behaving like an overly sentimental fool," he chided me and strangely that made me feel better. I wiped the tears off my face.
"Sorry, won't happen again," I sniffed.
"Liar."
"I beg your pardon?"
"A leopard can't change its spots and you," he was a bit at a loss now, which rarely happens, "well, you're a leopard. You can't change your spots either. You will always be insufferable with your quest for a spark of light in the darkest blackness of one's soul; it's terribly annoying."
"Ta, I love you too."
He scowled at me. "You're only one of many. So when will you return? I expect your favourite mutt will bark like mad and wag his tail in excitement to have you back."
I poured myself a glass of wine and gulped it down. Did he always have to remind me of Sirius' Animagnus form?
"The day after tomorrow," I said gloomily.
"You may contact me again when you're back and maybe then we can discuss the more relevant part of your meeting without you bursting out in tears over a Dark Wizard," and with that he was gone.
-
I returned to England the day after having made another stopover in Berlin to talk over the terms of Grindelwald's imprisonment with Minister Zinderlein. He seemed to be delighted to hear that the second dangerous dark wizard of our times was actually showing remorse and agreed to the arrangements I had already made. Zinderlein was definitely one of the most pleasant Ministers for Magic to deal with, and I had met a lot of them during my career as freelance Auror.
It was so good to see Sirius again. He had insisted on picking me up from the airport, proudly riding his beloved motorbike. I fondly remembered the many hours we had spent on turning a heap of broken pieces into a roaring Fat Boy again when I snuggled up close to him on the buddy seat, my arms circled around his waist, letting him bother with the London traffic. His welcoming kiss had tasted so much sweeter then I seemed to recall and for a moment I considered myself a damned happy witch.
We didn't head straight to our flat but stopped at the little Italian restaurant to where he had taken me out for lunch the very first time, after we had met Sam in his old office in Knockturn Alley. I wondered aloud how Sam and Sebastian were faring in LA.
"They're doing fine," Sirius assured me and when I arched a quizzical brow at him he explained, "Sam called two days ago. Actually he tried to call you but apparently you had switched off your phone so he called me instead, saying he was alright. He sounded very happy and kept on talking about how wonderful Sebastian is, that he had finished his book comparing Muggle and wizarding law, and is now toying with the idea of becoming the first lawyer of the Wizarding World."
"That would be great." I took a bite of my pizza, mulling it over. When Voldemort's regime of terror was finally overthrown one day there would definitely be the necessity for some reformations in the Ministry- provided that the future Minister for Magic wasn't as much an incompetent idiot as his predecessors. Nevertheless I doubted the Ministry would hire a Squib who had studied law in Oxford to help them solve their jurisdiction problems. But maybe I could employ him. I could also employ Sam and spring the Naughty Quill back into life to oppose the Daily Prophet on a more regularly basis.
Sirius liked me ideas, proving to be a rebel at heart. When we talked about such things I knew why I loved him because then we were in perfect harmony.
Of course the harmony lasted not long; it ended the moment he asked me about my trip to wizarding Germany and I spilled the truth to him. Fortunately we were already at home by then because I'd rather not have him make such a scene in public.
"ARE YOU TOTALLY NUTS?" He yelled at me, agitated. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours, Raven, to not tell me you were going to meet the Second Most Dark Wizard of our …"
"Oh would you please calm down, Sirius," I cut him off, "he's just a broken old man, you should have seen him."
"But I didn't because you never told me what you're up to!"
"Only because I knew you would go off the deep end."
"It might come as a surprise to you but I worry about you for heaven's sake!" He was still as infuriated as if the thought of remorse and atonement could never cross his mind, as if he didn't believe in redemption. Once a dark wizard, always a dark wizard. That was exactly the same attitude he had shared with Potter, dividing the world in purest white and deepest black, no chance left for all the multiple shades of grey. Never grasping that the Marauder's ways weren't as pure as they always kept telling themselves.
"And I do not care, Sirius? Would you have preferred to accompany me to that dark prison, where each and every stone radiates misery and despair, because you liked it so much in Azkaban. I wanted to spare you facing your nightmares again."
His eyes softened and he looked stricken. "You should have told me nevertheless."
"Well, I told you now. I visited an old…"
"A DANGEROUS old man! Do I really have to remind you of all the crimes he committed? And you went there to pay him a… a courtesy visit!"
"What's so fucking wrong with that? Damned, he hasn't held a wand in his hands for more than fifty years, he's seeing the errors of his ways now and his remorse is genuine. Stop painting the world in black and white when there are so many other colours."
Somehow that took the wind out of his sails as he stared at me, regret written on his face now- not so much because he actually believed me right but more that we were arguing heavily when we should be happy to be together again.
"Why don't you have the same faith in me that Severus has?" I asked him quietly after a few awkward moments of silence had passed.
He stared at me open-mouthed before he literally lit up again. "You told HIM? You told HIM what you're up to but you didn't tell me?"
I didn't answer him.
"You know, Raven, sometimes I really do wonder what kind of relationship we're having."
To be honest, there were times when I wondered about that too. I couldn't look him in the eye but I took him hand firmly in mine, whispering, "I love you."
Maybe it sounded lame because I was feeling so tired, so tired of fighting. He was a gorgeous man and I knew he loved me- why couldn't I be happy with that?
He kissed me and the touch of his lips on mine felt almost perfect. I deepened the kiss and we proceeded to our bedroom then, trying to make amends for all the harsh words we had uttered in frustration by making love. It was deeply satisfying and almost perfect just like my whole life had always been almost perfect.
February passed, turned into March and one day spring was in the air. Things went better between us then. The days grew longer and with every hour of sunshine I cheered up more. We took a walk in Hyde Park where we illegally, hidden under my Invisibility Cloak, picked an armful of bright yellow daffodils.
"Mischief managed," he said with sparking eyes as he conjured up a vase big enough to hold the mass of flowers. I beamed at him brightly- he was so cute when he could break some rules and be the troublemaker he was once, always ready for mischief. Occasionally he would even go to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes to see what new things the infants terrible had created.
At Hogwarts, however, things had gotten worse. Potter's fan club became more rebellious and smeared graffiti on the walls like Dumbledore's Army, Still Recruiting. The Carrows used stricter means of punishment; Hagrid had fled the grounds. Severus was beside himself, constantly trying to protect the students who made that task almost impossible. He even asked Sirius to persuade the Weasleys to keep Ginny at home after the Easter holidays because he couldn't guarantee for her safety if it ever came out she was Harry's sweetheart.
We hadn't met yet but had talked about my visit to Nurmengard in the two-way mirror with Sirius overhearing our conversation; he needed to know what I had found out, too. We mulled things over and over but the knowledge seemed to be pointless since it gave us no fresh approach to help Harry completing his mission. We didn't know what happened to Dumbledore's wand, the Elder Wand, and even if we had been able to find it, it wouldn't have worked for us anyway since none of us had defied Dumbledore; Severus had merely killed him in agreement.
I didn't talk to him often in the weeks that followed my return from Wizarding Germany. One reason was that I always seemed to argue most with Sirius after having talked to Severus (and I wanted to avoid that) but the more important reason was that Severus was so overloaded with work I didn't want to disturb him. I really didn't envy him his job and if he hadn't killed Dumbledore already I would have done so now for putting my friend under so much pressure.
Once or twice though, when the burden loaded upon his shoulders became too unbearable to carry alone, he would contact me and we'd have some trivial talk about nothing that really mattered. I hoped my faith in him was encouraging enough to go through another round of misery, that it gave him the required strength to just hold on a little longer… for I knew that the end was coming closer. The countdown to the final confrontation was ticking…
"Love, I don't even dare to ask this of you after the Veratiserum incident but Remus ran out of Wolfsbane Potion…"
"I hope you don't expect me to brew another batch for him!" I cut Sirius off before he could finish his sentence.
"No. No, of course not. I completely understand your animosity towards him, and he probably wouldn't accept any potion from you either… My, the situation is a total muddle. But Tonks is so very pregnant I fear she will burst any moment, and seeing her husband the day after he'd gone through a painful transformation will certainly not do her any good."
"Are you trying to make me feel sorry for Tonks now?" I snapped, remembering the look on her face after I had almost rendered Lupin impotent in my fury. She had not felt sorry for me when her prodigious husband had almost managed to trick me into drinking Veratiserum. I had no idea what the potion would have revealed since it was said to not be a dead sure method of extracting the truth out of someone; it was possible to fight its effects.
"No, darling. I can't deny that either although I wished you'd do it for Tonks and the child she carries under her heart but I understand, I truly do… if you understand it too that I can't leave Remus alone during his painful transformation. It had always been so much easier for him when one of us was around, stopping him from harming himself, soothing him in our Animagni form. Needless to say James and I were best at it…"
"Alright, so you want to stay the night at Lupin's, wag your tail and slobber his nose- um, snout- to make him feel better?"
"It usually helps," Sirius agreed, not noticing my disgust as the image of wolf and dog cuddled together popped up in my mind's eye. How could such a handsome man transform into something furry, drooling and whimpering at free will?
Because he's loyal, my inner voice told me as I accepted his leaving. Mayhap it wouldn't harm to brew another cauldron full of Wolfsbane Potion just in case Lupin came to his senses again and didn't consider me evil once his pup was born… oh, I really shouldn't be thinking like that of an innocent child since Severus had already ruled out the possibility of Lupin fathering a baby werewolf. He said it was sort of a blood disease and couldn't be inherited.
So Sirius- Snuffles- would spend the night with Lupin. If things had been better with Tonks and I, I could have invited her over for a ladies night but since she was still angry with me and I wouldn't apologize for what I've done, I prepared myself for a lonely night. I really hadn't made many friends in the wizarding world, Sirius was decidedly the more social one of us.
He left late in the afternoon and since I didn't know what else to do I decided to Apparate to Diagon Alley to restock some of my potion ingredients. When I left the apothecary again I heard someone calling my name.
"Raven Lestrange!"
I whirled around, my wand at the ready, and saw Kingsley Shacklebolt approaching me.
"Long time not seen," he said friendly but frowned when he noticed my wand pointed at him. "Is it anything personal or are you always such a spitfire?"
I lowered my wand. Kingsley was one of the few- or perhaps the only one- in the Order who didn't believe me a Death Eater in disguise just because I was still friends with Severus Snape. "You can't be careful enough these days."
"True," he smiled before asking politely how Sirius was fairing.
"Well, he's werewolf-sitting today."
Kingsley looked up to the sky; the moon would be up in approximately an hour. "Poor Remus. It's a shame that none of us is as potent in potions as you are but I understand your reservation in brewing Wolfsbane Potion for him after what happened at Christmas. Let me assure you that I had no idea of what Molly and Remus were plotting or I would have stopped them."
I arched a surprised brow at him. "You still trust me?"
"You haven't done anything that ever threatened or endangered the Order although I must admit I don't understand the faith you have in Severus Snape. Dumbledore trusted him completely and see what it got him- he's dead."
"And yet you never questioned Dumbledore's trust in him."
"No."
"Do you believe Dumbledore was an old, sentimental fool?"
"No, decidedly not. He was the greatest wizard of our times."
I sighed. "Sometimes, Kingsley, things are not always what they seem and yet people persist on seeing only the obvious without asking any further questions."
"What are you trying to tell me, Raven?"
"Nothing. I can't tell you anything. I can only advise you to use your brain." Then I quickly changed the topic. "So how's the Muggle Prime Minister fairing these days?"
"He scarcely escaped an attack some days ago when two Death Eaters showed up in Downing Street but fortunately I managed to handle the situation. The assault was poorly planned by youngsters seeking fame, and the biggest problem I had to face afterwards was to Obliviate a whole camera team that had filmed the scene. They probably sought to rise up into Voldemort's-"
"Don't speak his name!"
Too late! Immediately I heard the pops that went along with figures Apparating around us, wearing black, hooded cloaks.
"Expelliarmus!" I yelled and heard the clatter of at least one wand falling on the cobbled street while jets of red light shot from Kingsley's wand. I counted four Death Eaters, one of them disarmed, two Stunned, the fourth about to attack again. I sensed his curse coming my way but managed to block it.
"Petrificus Totalus."
He was standing there like frozen in movement, looking like a caricature. I spun around and knocked him to the floor with a kick at his knees… if he'd been made of glass he would have shattered into a thousand pieces now…
"Disapparate!" Kingsley barked at me and a moment later he was gone, probably believing I would do the same.
I hesitated for a moment, feeling torn between following a well meant advice and having fun, for I was in the mood to duel. These four poor excuses of Death Eaters weren't a real challenge to me and I longed for a kick of adrenaline to rush through my veins, the thrill a good fight could give me. I should have been more careful with what I was wishing for though.
The Death Eater I had disarmed earlier on had picked up his wand again and was insulting me with a curse that could have been a schoolboy's. I blocked it just as easily, sending him crashing into the wall of the nearest building, while I recalled what Kinsley had said about those youngsters who had attacked the Muggle Prime Minister. The boys here seemed to be just as eager to do something prominent but also just as impotent… I should leave, let them grow up and develop their skills…
That moment a curse hit me in the back and I keeled over in surprise.
"Ennervate," I heard a soft voice hissing, and the two Stunned guys were able to move again, approaching me with their wands at the ready. The voice sounded familiar to me.
Heavy footsteps on cobbled stones… I tried to move my head to see who had attacked me from behind… a long mane of silvery blond hair flashed up in the light of the streetlamps as he approached me, a haughty expression on his face, a sneer curling up his lips. "Look whom we've got here. Now if that isn't Sirius Black's favourite bitch!"
"Fuck yourself, Luci," I groaned, cursing the fact that my wand had fallen to the ground when his devious attack had caught me off guard and was laying some good five feet away from me now. With tremendous effort I Summoned it back into my hand and hid it in the sleeve of my coat… way back at school, after the Mudblood incident, Severus and I had started practicing wandless magic, the wandless Summoning Charm, which came quite handy in situations like this. It had taken me years of practice though, before I finally mastered it…
"The Dark Lord will be very pleased," Malfoy proclaimed, believing me helpless.
What curse had he used on me? I felt strangely exhausted and could hardly move.
I must have passed out for a moment then because when I came to my senses again I was lying on an expensive looking Persian carpet in a posh and elegantly furnished room. Malfoy Manor, I assumed.
"… nothing but trouble… You never know what mood he is in today, and I…"
"Shut up, Narcissa. You will see, my reputation is about to be restored.
I sat up, not wanting to become witness of a marital row. "Lucius. Narcissa. How nice you invited me over to that pretty house of yours although I must object to the means… you should have sent an owl."
I got to my feet and looked around while complimenting the Malfoys for their exquisite taste. Well, I didn't like it at all but it was the most unobtrusive way to take in my surroundings and looking for a way out. Big windows reached from the floor to the ceiling, opening to a vast garden.
The charming Malfoy couple glanced at me as if I had gone nuts.
"You are my prisoner," Lucius reminded me. "I will present you to the Dark Lord as a leverage against the Order, in particular Sirius Black. The Dark Lord will torture you until Black tells him where Harry Potter is."
"Lucius…"
"Not now, Narcissa. The Dark Lord will be here any moment."
This was really interesting. Although Narcissa fell silent immediately I could sense she wasn't pleased at all with the situation. It wasn't that she pitied me- she simply would have preferred to not attract Voldemort's attention more than necessary because she had been humiliated in his presence too often already. She hated having to host him while he behaved as if her home was his, thus making her feel this house wasn't her home anymore, and the constant threat against her family was wearing her thin. Lucius, however, tried his best to get back in Voldemort's good books, to make him approve of him again. I almost felt sorry for Narcissa, who probably had never imagined that all the pureblood mania her family had fed her with would lead to such misery one day.
A door crashed open. Narcissa winced, fear and panic in her eyes. And then he was there. Lord Voldemort. The Dark Lord. Tom Riddle…
I had expected him to be taller. He was a thin man with a face whiter than a skull, and like a skull his head was bald. Actually he looked more like a snake than a human being with his flat nose and very small ears. If not for his livid scarlet eyes, radiating cold cruelty, I would have laughed about that absurd creature.
"What is so urgent that dared you to interrupt a private conversation, Lucius?" He said in a high, clear voice, and the air in the room seemed to freeze. "I hope it is worth the trouble."
"Yes, my Lord." Lucius explained why I could be useful while I stared in shock at the man who had entered the room behind Voldemort. Severus Snape.
Damned! I could have done without complicating the situation even more. Fortunately he was in perfect control of his features though for the fraction of a second the same shock I felt had lit up in his black eyes. Now his face was absolutely inscrutable again while the expression on mine was probably mistaken for fear of the Dark Lord.
Voldemort listened to what Lucius told him but cut him off with an impatient gesture when Malfoy got too excited about his catch. He glanced at me, a bored expression on his face, and with the same bored voice he asked, "What's her blood status?"
The way he not addressed me as if I wasn't able to communicate made me mutinous and daring. I straightened my back and faced him. He was sitting on a throne-like chair now, Nagini, his monstrous pet snake, curled up at his feet with her head in his lap, his spidery fingers caressing it absent-mindedly.
"I'm of the purest blood," I told him defiantly. "My blood is so pure you could call it double pure since my mother was a pure-blood witch and my father a pure-blood Muggle."
"Don't listen to her, my Lord. She's naught but a filthy half-blood!" Malfoy yelled infuriated, raising his wand at me. I sensed a Cruciatus Curse coming my way but before it could hit me Voldemort stopped it. He seemed… interested… and I didn't know whether that was a good or a bad sign.
With the slightest wave of his long, bony index finger he beckoned me to come closer, and so I stepped closer to him as if his finger had pulled me in his direction. Severus, who stood next to the Dark Lord, looked straight through me, feigning indifference. I prayed he would remain indifferent. And all the time Malfoy's Cruciatus Curse was hanging over me like a Damocles sword, ready to lash out at me.
Nevertheless I stood proud in front of Riddle- to think of him as Tom Riddle instead of Voldemort made not fearing him much easier. I tried not to fear him because the way his cold reptile eyes bore into mine was unsettling.
"I see annoying Gryffindor attributes in your behaviour. You are braver than it is wise for you."
"My Lord, she used to be in Slytherin house but the Sorting Hat must have made a mistake." Lucius' eagerness to show off with his knowledge was getting on my nerves. He was trying too hard to distinguish himself. I rolled my eyes.
Voldemort noticed that from the corners of his eyes as he turned to face Severus.
"I assume you know her too?"
"Indeed, my Lord. We were in the same year at Hogwarts and I met her again when she joined the Order of the Phoenix. It was inevitable to restore old bonds she might have mistaken as friendship to accomplish my Lord's order and gathering the information my Lord required." Severus' voice was impassive and I was relieved he didn't give anything away.
A terrible sound escaped Riddle's lips; I identified it as a chuckle. "I'm certain the fact that she is quite attractive helped you to endure her presence, Severus. If you desire her I might feel inclined to spare her."
"My Lord…" Severus began but Voldemort cut him off.
"No, no, you don't have to thank me. You serve me well, you deserve a token of gratitude."
It was about time to act my part convincingly. "What makes you believe I would want to fuck that greasy git?"
Pain. It knocked me to the floor but the instant the wave had washed over me I stumbled back to my feet. I would not be kneeling in front of Tom Riddle.
"My Lord, let me punish her severely." Lucius offered overzealously. "Please don't forget she killed two of your most loyal servants, Rabastan Lestrange and…"
"Unfortunately loyal doesn't always mean competent," I snapped.
"Indeed," Riddle scratched his chin with one long, white finger- his nails looked like talons, long and pointed… he could definitely use a manicure…
I mustered all my defiance as Voldemort tried to probe my mind. Immediately my guards were up. It was like a door slammed shut in his face with him intending to force it open since he had already managed to put had a foot on the threshold, and he was strong, so fucking strong… We were fighting a mental duel I could only loose… a few memories flashed up in my mind's eye and he seemed to absorb them greedily although I hadn't given anything significant away yet. I saw a vision of my father pulling a rabbit out of his hat… next I gave the snake what all snakes liked… fluffy white bunnies… lolloping over a meadow of the greenest green, the skies above so impeccably azure it almost hurts the eyes, a bright yellow sun shining in competition with a field of sunflowers. The bunnies twitched their long, sensitive ears in the gentle summer breeze…
He was truly appalled and his disgust felt like a slap in the face. But I didn't break eye-contact because for a very short moment I had broken through his guards. I withdrew just as quickly, shocked, terrified by what I had seen. There were hardly any human emotions, only cold, darkness… evil. Unlike Grindelwald he would never show remorse; unlike Grindelwald he had never loved, would never love, didn't give a damn about love at all. Mayhap that was because he had been fathered under the influence of a strong love potion since his wizarding mother hadn't known any other way to win over his Muggle father…
"Enough," he whispered and he vented all his anger on me.
Never before had I felt such excruciating pain. I keeled over and bent wincing on the floor as if my insides were on fire and all of the bones in my body broken.
Then it ended as soon as it had begun; it had merely been a warning. Riddle wasn't interested in killing me… probably it was his wicked interest in me that had saved my life so far. True, I was much too defiant for his liking but he had acknowledged my powers, my strength in the mental arts, and he thought about using that for his very own purpose.
Imperio.
"Tell me where Potter is," he asked silkily.
"I'm not his babysitter."
He was infuriated that his Imperius Curse seemed to have no effect on me, that I could fight it. Oh, but he had no idea how hard it was. Once again I was writhing on the floor. I heard someone scream with pain and realized it was I.
And once more I got to my feet when it was over. He would not see me surrender. I shot him a defiant glance as I wiped my mouth, there was blood on my hands. For a short moment my eyes flickered to Severus who stood rigid as a board at Riddle's side, his face almost as white as his master's… as if this was a competition for who was paler. But I also noticed he was about to crack under the pressure, that he couldn't keep the charade much longer. It hurt him almost physically having to see the Dark Lord torturing me. Fortunately he could hide his feelings so well.
Why did I know how he was feeling? I had no idea… I just knew.
Lucius Malfoy sneered maliciously, clearly enjoying the show. He still held a grudge against me for I had cut his cheek with Sectumsempra during the fight at the Ministry although his stint in Azkaban hadn't improved his looks either.
Narcissa, however, had averted her eyes in horror. She only wanted all of this to end so that she could live her old life again. She wanted this room to be filled with dining guests engaged in polite conversation, she wanted to dance again… all these banal things she had loved so much. For the first time in her life she seemed to grasp what it really meant to be the wife of a Death Eater.
Riddle eyed me with curious interest, not knowing that to do with me. Although I was only a half-blood and therefore not much worthier than the speck of dust on the sole of his feet (except he's a half blood himself), he didn't seem inclined to waste my talent and kill me.
"You are rebellious and daring, you have powers some of my servants lack. Join my forces and you will live."
"My Lord," Lucius protested, "you can't possibly consider…"
With a nonchalant flick of his wand Riddle showed him how much he liked opposition and this time it was Malfoy writhing on the floor. Narcissa let out a sob but stifled it quickly, one hand pressed to her mouth.
"Is there anything you want to tell me, Narcissa?" Riddle asked dangerously calm.
She merely shook her head. She didn't even dare to help her husband up from the floor in fear of further humiliation.
"You are pathetic, Lucius. Now what say you, Severus? Should I let this half-blood join my ranks?"
"My Lord, I believe any decision you will take is well-considered, as usual."
"And you're dripping with grease, Snivellus, as usual." Riddle must not know we're friends, he must not push him too far or he might give a less satisfying answer. "As to answer your offer, Tom Riddle, I will join- the day hell freezes over! I prefer to be on the winning side, and you won't win!"
Finally I had his undivided attention again, and I regretted it soon after. He could make me feel pain like I never felt before and my body was already sore from being on his receiving ends. I couldn't take it any longer. He would kill me, slowly and painfully. He watched me stagger to my feet again, this time far less energetic than before. And again he pointed his wand at me.
It was time to stop playing and start fighting, it was about time for a hasty retreat. I had waited long enough for the right moment to take them by surprise. Drawing my wand I shouted,
"PROTEGO!"
and my Shield Charm blocked most of the rage Voldemort had put in his Cruciatus Curse. The recoil of our colliding spells made me crash into the wall and almost knocked the breath out of me. I gathered all my strength now- it's amazing how many reserves you could mobilize when you're really desperate…
From the corner of my eyes I saw Severus stirring when, once more, Voldemort pointed his wand at me. Oh no, please don't!
I sent a Petrificus Totalus in his direction which he blocked out of reflex. Lucius made an attempt to launch himself at me with all his fury and I hit him with the Cruciatus Curse. Narcissa screamed. Everything went really quick and then, as if in slow motion, Severus raised his wand…
No! I couldn't let it happen. He was not to reveal his true allegiance, not now, and not because of me.
"Crucio!"
Severus dropped to his knees and I felt more pain than the Dark Lord could ever inflict upon me but there had been no other way. It hurt to cause pain to someone you love, but out of love I had done it. I had had to do it or The Dark Lord would kill both of us. His eyes were slits, glowing uncannily red… Lucius was back on his feet, his wand at the ready. Narcissa had drawn hers, too, knowing what was expected of her… I could sense his rage coming at me, and I knew he would kill me… Severus was still at his knees, not moving… I had to act now!
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
The Dark Lord sneered- as if a Patronus could stop him- but the sneer faded on his lips when a flash of blinding white light soared from the tip of my wand to form a huge, terrifying reptile. Baring its razor-sharp fangs it tossed its head, looking hungry and greedy.
Narcissa sat cowering on the floor, covering her head with her arms. Lucius just stared in awe. I didn't wait for Lord Voldemort's reaction because I doubted he would be impressed for long. And indeed, he waved his wand to clear this mess… but by then I had already thrown a chair to shatter one of the windows and jumped after. Broken pieces of glass cut my arms when I landed amidst them in the garden. No time to worry about a few gashes- my life was at stake. Leaping to my feet I started running, and while I was sprinting through the garden, zigzagging to avoid a variety of curses shot in my direction like fireworks illuminating the night, I produced my Invisibility Cloak from the pocket of my coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. I was gone, had disappeared from their sight.
"Find her! Bring her back! Make yourselves useful, you impotent scum!" Riddle cried, his voice sounding shrill.
I tried to Disapparate, which seemed to be impossible as long as I was still within the borders of the estate. So I had to run on until I finally reached a wall that marked its boundaries. There was no magical way to get over it though, I had to climb over it. From the distance I heard the cry of a peacock.
When I was on top of the wall I looked back and saw the lights of many wandtips dancing through the dark garden like fireflies. A great number of Death Eaters were searching for me. Far away on the grounds Malfoy Manor stood brightly against the darkness of the night.
I jumped off the wall and landed on the other side, wincing in pain. I assumed this time I had really broken a rib although each and every bone in my body felt as if they had already been broken under the influence of the Cruciatus Curse. For a moment I lay still, concentrating on my breathing while fighting off the waves of pain that shook me so hard I almost had to vomit.
I couldn't stay- I had to get away from here or they'd find me. Once more I gathered all my remaining strength to Apparate to somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was far away from Malfoy Manor. But the Forbidden Forest was not a place to linger although I spotted an unicorn glancing at me with big, innocent eyes… they were the purest creatures in the world and I couldn't endure their presence since I had used an Unforgivable Curse against someone I loved, no matter if I had used it against him just because I loved him so…
I had merely come here to cover my tracks, not to find solace in this magical place, so I left and Apparated to a place that was less magically, less consoling… It was a Muggle dunghill of dilapidated houses and broken streetlamps, reeking of the smell the wind carried from a dirty river. And yet it was the only place I knew where I would feel safe now.
There were many wards securing that very specific house my stumbling feet and shaking legs had carried me to, but all these wards didn't hinder me from entering it… as if they had never been meant to stop me… Arduously I climbed up the stairs leading to the first floor, pushed open the door, and sank onto the bed. Exhaustion washed over me like a tidal wave.
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