Despite Hurricane force winds (how crap is it that we get hurricane conditions but can't refer to it as a hurricane just because it came from the Atlantic and not the Pacific?) damage to my roof, and a lack of power, I still heroically stride ever onwards with writing my story for you all, I hope the time it took to get my power and internet up and running again after storm St Jude is made up for by the absolute epic length chapter I've got for you. And also by the action-packed nature of that chapter. Hold on tight, guys; this one should be exciting :0)
Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.
Chapter 28: Reconciliations and Reunions
Sam went off to the kitchen, still dressed in just his towel, to pour us each a bowl of cereal and I went to get dressed in his room. As I passed by the full length mirror by his closet door, my reflection caught my eye and I stopped in my tracks, peering at my face to try and trace a sign of my new non-virgin status in my features, knowing of course that there was nothing there to see. I dropped my towel, wondering if the signs that weren't there on my face might be present on my body. I wasn't disappointed in my search. Although it wasn't the sort of thing I'd been looking for – I'd been thinking more along the lines of a more mature, filled out body shape – there were clear signs of my and Sam's recent activities all over my body. There were distinct, finger shaped bruises forming on my hips and thighs and I could feel a very sore spot on my lower back. Twisting in front of the mirror, trying to see exactly what it was that was causing the pain, I winced. The movement exacerbated whatever it was back there that was bothering me and I moved again a little more carefully. In the small of my back was the beginnings of a large ugly bruise and a single large but shallow scratch. My twisting had opened it back up and a few beads of blood had risen to the surface of my skin. Picking up the towel to dab at the scratch, I noticed a few drops of blood already on the white cotton and I turned slowly, watching my reflection to find where the blood might have come from. I could only see a few more bruises, no cuts or scratches, but then a little line of red on my inner thigh caught my attention. I quickly counted the dates in my mind, for a moment assuming that my period had started. "Can't be." I realised after a moment. "My period's not due for another two weeks and I'm always as regular as clockwork." In actual fact, I couldn't be completely sure on that; I had no real memory of how regular my cycle had been while I'd been deep in my pit playing the role of auto-pilot Bella, but with the exception of that time, I couldn't think of a single occurrence of my period ever being even a day early or late. I could set my calendar by it. "I guess it was from my hymen breaking." I thought, recalling the sharp pain I'd felt as Sam thrust in for the first time. "I'm going to have to take care how I walk and sit down for a bit, I'm so sore." I dabbed at the blood on my inner thigh too before pulling my jeans. Not having any clean underwear, I just went without, tucking the previous day's panties into my pocket. My shirt, sadly, was in no shape to be put back on. There were a few spots of lasagne sauce from the night before on the front, and it was wrinkled almost beyond recognition.
"Sam. Do you mind if I borrow a shirt?" I called out of the door towards the kitchen. "Mine's in serious need of retirement." Sam's chuckle echoed back up the hallway to me.
"No problem." He answered. "I think there are a few old t-shirts from two or three years ago, before my growth spurt in the back of my closet. Help yourself." I opened his closet door and search through to find something that wouldn't make me look like a toddler dressing up in her father's clothes. Finally, right at the back I found a couple of very worn band t-shirts and an old hoodie. I threw on the Birds t-shirt which must've been older than me by a couple of years, relieved at the fact that the soft worn cotton wasn't annoying my scratched and bruises. It was only a couple of sizes too big for me and I was amazed at the massive growth spurt Sam must've had in only two or maybe three years. "Jeeze. He must have shot up like a weed." I thought. "Like Jake and the others. Yep, the Quileutes definitely have a pretty decent gene pool!"
Once I was dressed, I wandered out to the kitchen to get my cereal. Sam looked up from his seat as I walked in and froze for a second, staring at me. Before I could ask what he problem was, he'd looked back down at his bowl and was calmly eating his last few bites. He gestured to me to sit next to him at the massive but beat up old table where he'd set my bowl of cheerio's for me. I sat down and grabbed my spoon.
"This table is huge. Where did it come from?" I asked him before taking my first bite. "Oh it used to be over in the drop-in centre, but it was getting a bit the worse for wear and they decided to replace it, so I took it off their hands." He explained. "Most of my place was furnished that way – that's why none of it matches." He gave a wry chuckle and I looked around the table, noticing for the first time the variety of chairs dotted around it.
"I like it." I told him. "It's got character and it makes the place look more lived in." he snorted loudly and stood up, taking his bowl over to the sink and washing it out.
"It makes the place look more like a yard sale, is what it does, but it's all sturdy furniture, though old and worn, and I'm planning on slowly replacing each piece as I have the money until I have a whole house-full of matching sets." He looked around at me a he dried his hands on one corner of the towel he still wore around his hips. "It should only take seventy to eighty years." I couldn't help joining in as he laughed. "Well I'm going to quickly get changed so we can head out for a real breakfast as soon as you're done there." Sam said, walking towards the door. "That cereal barely put even a suggestion of a shadow of a dent in my hunger this morning." He gave me a dirty little grin. "Somehow I've managed to work up a real appetite even though it's still early." He said with a waggle of his eyebrows. I blushed, somewhat predictably, and he walked out to get dressed, chuckling under his breath as he went.
I always hated sitting up at the counter in diners; it made me feel as if I was on display for the entertainment of all the other customers. We had no choice on that morning though – the place was completely packed and so we took the only two remaining seats up at the counter and waited to be served. It might've just bee my imagination, but it seemed like everyone went a little quiet as we walked in, and then the buzz of conversation intensified as we sat down. I couldn't help feeling that Sam and I were the topic of conversation at most, if not all of the tables and booths in the place. The feeling only grew stronger still as we were finally approached by our waitress. It was just my luck that the waitress handling the counter customers just happened to be Leah. She walked past me as if I was invisible (although the faint sneer on her face hinted that even if she couldn't see me, she could certainly at least smell me, or something else that she found equally offensive) and stood in front of Sam, a flirtatious smile on her face.
"Well hello, you." She simpered at him. "Don't you look great? I haven't seen you in here for breakfast on a weekend in forever. I guess you just remembered I would be here and wanted to catch up a little, huh?" I rolled my eyes mentally, while keeping a pleasantly blank expression on the outside. It was clear se was trying to get a rise out of me, probably knowing that Sam didn't like dramatic scenes, but I had no intention of giving her the satisfaction. "Seriously? That's the best you could come up with, bitch?" I sneered inside my head. "I've spent the last few months dealing with the likes of Lauren Mallory and her clones. I'm pretty sure I can deal with the Leah Clearwater amateur hour." Sam on the other hand looked distinctly uncomfortable, It seemed he'd completely forgotten Leah worked in the diner on the weekends and I was betting that if I could read his mind he'd be cursing his forgetfulness and wishing he'd not burned his first attempt at breakfast that morning so we'd be safely back at his place right now, away from potential drama.
"Oh, erm….. Hi, Leah. Erm. Yeah, it's nice to see you and everything but we just came in for breakfast really, that's all." The smile on her face faltered for a split second, but almost before I noticed it slip, it was back in full force.
"Well what do you fancy this morning then, Sammy?" she asked in a weird breathy voice that really didn't suit her at all. "See anything you like?" she asked, and when Sam raised a surprised eyebrow she playfully flicked the menu card. "On the menu of course, silly" she simpered, and this time I barely managed to keep the eye rolling to myself. "Jeeze. I'm a complete novice at this stuff, but even I could've done better than that!" I thought, and, carefully keeping my action out of sight of the other customers behind us, and of Leah on the other side of the counter, I slowly reached over and gently squeezed Sam's knee, giving some moral support during what was clearly a very uncomfortable experience for him. He put his hand down and covered my own on his knee. He seemed to take a bit of comfort and confidence from my gesture as he squared his broad shoulders a little and sat up a bit straighter in his seat.
"Bella and I would both like a cup of coffee to start us off, thanks Leah." He said carefully, clearly not wanting to hurt her, but also (I was pleased to see) not willing to allow her to dismiss me completely. "Then she'll have…" he trailed off, looking at me with a clear invitation to make my order.
"A stack of blueberry pancakes and a side of bacon, extra crispy please, Leah" I asked politely, deliberately ignoring her tense, clenched jaw as a she wrote down my order.
"And I'll take the same, only a double order of both for me, and an extra side of sausage, also double, thanks." Sam added in an equally polite voice. Leah looked like she was trying to gouge the pencil right through her pad as she wrote and I briefly wondered just how likely it would be that I at least got a spit-free meal. Unfortunately, as it turned out, pancakes a la slobber was the least of my worries. When she came back to pour our coffees, Leah "accidentally" slipped with my cup, and I wasn't able to move quick enough to escape a nasty scald on my hand. I leapt up with a painful yelp and cradled my hand to my chest protectively.
"Ow owowowowowow." I whimpered, blowing on my hand. Sam jumped up and grabbed a pitcher of chilled orange juice from the counter, then turned and gently but firmly took hold of my wrist, plunging my injured hand into the ice cold liquid.
"Shh. Shh. It's ok, you're ok." He soothed me, pulling me and my orange juice jug hand into an awkward embrace. "Keep your hand in there for a few minutes while I sort you something better." He made to pull away, but I whimpered again and grasped at the back of his shorts, not letting him move away from me. Somehow I felt better in his arms, although it also might've been down to the orange juice ice bath my hand was sitting in. I just wasn't willing just then to test the theory of which one was doing me the most good. He bent and pressed a kiss to the top of my head and turned, trembling in anger to a pale faced Leah.
"I don't believe for a second that you did that by accident, Leah, but we can deal with that in a few minutes. Right now you're going to get a pitcher of ice water for Bella to put her hand in, and you're going to do it so fast that I barely see you move. You understand me?" he growled at her and I saw her begin to tremble herself. I couldn't blame her; if I'd had Sam's rage directed at me like that, I'd be trembling too. Despite her trembling, she still managed to look angry, and she opened her mouth to say something but she was distracted as, quick as a flash, one of the customers jumped up from her table with a pitcher of ice water and copied Sam's firm but gentle wrist grab and hand plunge manoeuvre, so I barely had time to register the air temperature on my scalded skin as I went from one liquid to the other. Still warm in Sam's comforting, strong arms, I looked around to see who it was that had stepped in to help. It was my new friend, the nice lady from the Rez grocery store that I often chatted with. She looked even more shaken than I felt, and I was just about to thank her when Sam's surprisingly shaky voice cut in before I could speak.
"Thanks Mom." He said and I whipped my head around and up to look him in the face so hard that I nearly gave myself whiplash. "Mom?!" I thought, stunned. "That's his Mom? But he told me she hadn't spoken to him or even acknowledged his existence in about two years." The shaken, hopeful look on his face confirmed both the fact that this was in fact his Mom, and that my memory of what he'd told me was accurate. He looked as amazed as I was at the identity of my extra helper. I turned back to her once again to thank her myself.
"Thank you so much, erm Mrs Uley" I said gratefully with a tight, pained smile. "It feels much less painful in the water." She nodded slightly.
"It's Alison, Sweetie, Mrs Uley is the battle axe of an ex-mother in law." She gave a wry little smile and I couldn't help but smile back. "Sam Honey, you get yours and Bella's breakfasts to go, and I'll take Bella outside for some fresh air and a bit of space away from gawking eyes." She said the last two words a little louder and with pointed emphasis and I suddenly realised that we were providing quite the floor show for the other customers who had all, without exception, stopped what they were doing and saying in order to stare and listen to what was happening with Sam, Leah, Alison and I. As usual my embarrassment showed all too clearly on my bright red face and I quickly cast my eyes down. "Oh shit. Poor Sam. He really hates big dramatic scenes, and I've managed to land him right in the middle of an epic one, and in front of half the tribe too." I fretted. "And poor Alison too. Everyone watching her and Sam interact when they must know this is the first time she's as much as admitted his existence in all this time." Whilst I couldn't condone her shunning of Sam, I could understand from the little Sam had told me that she'd been shattered by his break-up with Leah. Much more so than Sam or even Leah had been by the sound of things, and I knew from experience how hard it could be to deal with family disappointment. I didn't like the way she'd handled it, but I could understand the level of upset she'd been going through that led to her behaviour. Alison began to lead me outside, having to tug quite firmly on my arm to get me to release my hold on Sam. Just before we reached the door, she turned and fixed a still trembling, furious looking Leah with a piercing glare.
"As for you, Leah Clearwater." She ground out with an eerily calm, voice, made all the more terrifying by its softness, "I have loved you like a daughter, backed you whenever you needed it, stood up for you and what I believed to be your rights, even to the detriment of my own son and my relationship with him. And here, now, I am finally shown just what I've been standing up for….. A vicious, spiteful, vindictive, spoilt little bitch, who would deliberately injure someone simply because they have what you want but can't have. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of myself for being so stupid as to destroy the wonderful close relationship with my only child over someone like you. It seems he did know better than me the whole time." Alison didn't give Leah a chance to respond, she simply raised her chin and turned back to the door, pulling me along with her, my chin dragging across the floor as I walked. Out of the corner of my eye, I noted that my expression was an almost exact match for Sam's as he stood staring at his Mom in disbelief. As the door closed behind us, I heard Sam launch into a growling rant of his own at Leah, and I was glad to be out of the way so that I didn't have to hear any of what was said. Right at that point, with my hand still shiny and red like a boiled lobster, and throbbing away in my portable ice water bath, I couldn't quite find it in myself to forgive Leah for what she'd done, but there was a tiny part of me at the back of my head that reminded me that when love is torn away, we all behave in different ways; Some of us turn the anger inward and sink into depression, and some of us turn it outwards and take it out on other people. I dragged my mind back to the woman who was kindly and carefully sitting me down on a bench outside the diner, overlooking the beach.
"Thank you, Mrs…. Erm, Alison. Not just for the ice water, but also for getting me out of there away from all the unwanted attention." She snorted in wry amusement.
"Bella Honey, I just did what any sensible person would've done. Well that is if the prospect of juicy gossip hadn't temporarily caused their brains to dribble out of the back of their heads anyway." She rolled her eyes at the customers still inside the diner who appeared to be listening and staring avidly at the continuing floor show inside as Sam spoke his mind to Leah. "It's the least I could do for Sam, especially after the way I've treated him for so long. He didn't deserve it from anyone, east of all his own mother, and if I can make up for it in the tiniest way by helping out his new woman in her time of need then I'm happy to have the opportunity." I was a little uncomfortable by her phrasing there. 'New Woman' seemed to me to hint at something a lot more serious and permanent than the arrangement Sam and I had. I tried to explain it without making either Sam or I look bad in her eyes, especially important as she'd only just begun to reconcile with her only son.
"Well I don't know if I could call myself his 'New Woman'." I hedged carefully, "We've only been out on one proper date and spent some time hanging out together at his place." I didn't think it would be at all appropriate to mention just how intense our 'hanging out' had been, or what exactly it had entailed – some things were just not meant for a mother's ears when it came to her son. She gave me a knowing look.
"Mmhmm." She said, eyeing my neck and collar bone, which had come into view as the collar of my borrowed shirt dropped down. "I'm guessing that's my son's handiwork right there on your neck. Looks like a bit more than 'hanging out' to me." My blush, which had been fading since we left the diner, came back full force. "Yep. I thought so." Alison crowed triumphantly, taking my blush for the confirmation it was. "And I may not have been spending any time with him lately, but I still know my boy; he's never been one to fool around if he wasn't serious, and I saw how he was looking at you when you weren't looking – I know serious when I see it." She stated confidently. "I'm glad to see it too. You're a good girl, a strong woman, and just what my Sam needs." I didn't have the heart to correct her, but I made a mental note to give Sam the heads up so that he could let her down gently. Just then, Sam came striding out of the diner, a couple of Styrofoam boxes and two plastic cups of orange juice balanced on top in one hand, and his cell phone in the other, his thumb furiously stabbing out a text message at lightning speed. He rushed right over to Alison and me and crouched down to look at my hand shaped lobster in its icy aquarium.
"Bella, are you ok? How's it feeling, Baby? Should I take you to the clinic?" Alison smirked at me in an obvious 'told you so' way at his endearment and I tried not to let the warm fuzzy feeling that flowed over me upon hearing it take me over. "He didn't really mean to say it – it just popped out of his mouth cos he's distracted and worried. I mustn't let myself get carried away. We both know what this is, and I can't let myself start wishing and hoping for something more which would be no good for either of us, even if he did want more, which he doesn't and even if I did want more which I don't." I told myself firmly and I reached out my good hand to cup Sam's cheek gently.
"Sam Honey, I'm ok." I told him quietly, realising that despite the firm talk I'd just given myself, like a nanosecond before, I'd just used a very 'relationshippy' endearment myself. "See? It's already less red and angry looking. Another little while in its fish-tank and my lobster hand will be good as new." Both Sam and Alison burst out laughing, their laughter weirdly similar considering their difference in size and looks. I guessed that Sam took after his dad in looks, but that laugh, and from what I could see, a lot of his personality were clearly hand-me-downs from Alison. His cell phone beeped just then, announcing a reply to his text I guessed. He glanced down at it and looked grim.
"Oh for fuck's sake. Why can't they handle it themselves? They know I'm busy." He grumbled under his breath. He looked up at me and his Mom with a guilty, pleading expression. "Bella, Mom, I'm really sorry, but Jared and Paul are insisting there's something only I can deal with, and they're not taking 'hell, fuck no' for an answer. I'm going to have to go handle it and I don't know how long it's going to take." Alison reached out almost gingerly and when he didn't flinch away from her touch she squeezed his shoulder with a bit more confidence.
"It's ok, Son." She said proudly, "I know you work hard with that contracting business of yours, and if there's some emergency on one of your site, then you should go deal with it." Sam looked almost guilty at this, which I couldn't understand, but mixed in there too was a fair amount of gratitude, relief and pride, which I could understand completely. "I'll take Bella back to my house and take a proper look at the lobster hand." They both snorted in synch with amusement. "And we can visit together until I have to head to work." She looked at me for confirmation and I felt I had to nod my agreement. "Oh, what happened with Leah by the way?" she asked as she and Sam both helped me, my lobster hand and the fish-tank/ice bath/water pitcher up to my feet.
"I gave her a piece of my mind over her behaviour, Mrs Redfern, today's duty manager did the same, and seeing as Leah was so angry at being yelled at, I told her she should go home and work off her tantrum. Mrs Redfern agreed, and Leah went storming out the back." He shrugged. Somehow I got a weird feeling that he was managing to tell the absolute truth whilst still managing not to tell us what really happened, but as my hand was beginning to really throb as it warmed up the water to the point of it being useless to cool the burning, I let it go for the time being, fully intending on picking it over in my mind the next time I was meditating. I pulled Sam closer to me with my good hand and raised up on my tip-toes to give him quick kiss. I felt too awkward in front of his mom to do more than that. Alison snorted and pointedly turned to stare at the sea, chuckling under her breath.
"I'll talk to you later?" I half told, half asked him.
"Sure sure." He said, obviously feeling uncomfortable himself. "Hopefully this won't take me too long to sort out, and I'll call when I get back." He gave me one last kiss and turned to his mom. Handing her the keys to his truck he said. "Here, Mom. I'll catch a ride with Jared. You drive Bella and I'll fetch the truck from yours later. We can have a proper talk then." He hesitated, a little unsure. "I mean, if that's ok with you?" Alison's eyes welled up.
"Of course it's ok, Honey. I'm so sorry. About everything. We'll sit down and talk when you're back." She sniffed a little and gave him a wobbly smile. "I love you, you know that, right, Sam?"
"I know, Mom." He replied, a tiny tremor in his voice. "I love you too." He wrapped her up in his huge arms and gave her a gentle squeeze. Setting her down he gave us both a little wave and strode off down the beach.
It took Alison a while to get herself together enough to drive, but once we set off, it only took a few minutes before we were at her place, a little two story house which looked old, but well maintained.
"It's a nice house." I told her as we walked to the door. "You've really looked after the place."
"Thanks, Sweetie, but it's not me that did all the work on it. Sam's been sneaking by whenever he knew I was at work and doing all the odd jobs that were needed." She offered me a watery smile. "He even chops wood for me whenever he thinks my supply's getting low." I returned her smile.
"He's a good guy. Always doing stuff for other people." I said and she nodded, gesturing for me to go on in ahead of her.
"He's always been that way, ever since he was tiny." I couldn't help but laugh and she looked at me quizzically.
"Sam was once tiny?" I asked in mock disbelief and she laughed along with me.
"Believe it or not, yes he was." She told me, sitting me down at the kitchen table. "He just had this sudden growth spurt when he was coming up to eighteen. I remember it was about the same time as he got some fever. Worried the hell out of me – you could've fried an egg on his head. But he can't have been too sick, as he grew like a corn stalk plated in cow shit." I burst out laughing at her simile she really did have a refreshingly frank way of talking. "Now." She said, changing the subject completely. "Let's have a proper look at this hand of yours." She gently pulled the lobster from its tank and we both peered at it curiously. The skin was still fairly red and tight and shiny, but Sam had obviously reacted fast enough, putting it into the ice cold orange juice, that it hadn't blistered. It would be sore for a few days, but no serious damage had been done. We both sighed in relief.
"Looks like I got away without too much damage." I said, although it's getting pretty sore now it's out of the water again. I went to put it back it he water again, but Alison stopped me.
"You can't walk around with your hand permanently in there." She joked. "Give it a few minutes, I know its sore just in the normal room temperature, but you need to ease the hand back to normal or you'll damage it from the cold." She told me. I've got some good moisturising cream upstairs." She said, getting to her feet. "Now there's no heat left in the burn, we can smear some of that on and it might help the skin feel less tight and sore." She was right. The moisturiser did help and before long, the two of us chatting about inconsequential stuff the whole time, I was barely feeling more than a little throbbing from the hand formerly known as lobster, unless I knocked or brushed it against something, which I decided I would definitely avoid doing gain after the first time I caught it on the edge of the table and set the pain off once more as if the boiling coffee was right there, pouring over my skin once again. When Alison had to go to work, she dropped me back at Sam's place so I could collect my own truck and waved as she drove off.
I was very careful how I opened my truck door and climbed in, and I drove one handed as much as I could do safely. As I drove along the beach road, I glanced out at the waves and then slowly rolled to a stop. "I wonder if I could make this throbbing go away while I meditate." The thought just popped into my head all on its own. "I normally end up almost completely unaware of my body once I get going, so I could at least give myself a little break from the soreness if nothing else." I reasoned, and I turned down the track that led to Billy's house. "I hope Jake's feeling better soon." I mused as I climbed out of the truck. "It's just my luck that he got sick just after we had that fight. We've not had the chance to get all of that shit sorted yet, and I'm missing my best friend."
I walked down the beach to my little hollow and ducked under the hanging roots as I entered the relaxing quiet spot. Rather than my usual flop down onto the pile of fine dry sand, I lowered myself very carefully, not wanting to risk banging my hand again. Just the thought of it made my spine tingle, and not in a good way. Now that I understood just exactly what I was doing when I did my deep breathing, floating thing, I found it easier somehow to get myself to that state of complete relaxation, matching my breathing to the rhythm of the waves no longer took any concentration at all, it just happened sort of automatically and my mind seemed lighter somehow; easier to shake free of any conscious thought and allow to float free. The relief from the burning in my hand was almost immediate once I was deep into my meditation, and the tiny aware part of my mind was grateful for the reprieve. Although I hadn't started this session of meditation in order to pick through my thoughts as I often did, but to escape the pain in my scalded hand, my mind still emptied of conscious thought and the little snippets from the previous few days began queuing up for my attention. Knowing that trying to deliberately pull any of them to the forefront would just jog me out of my trance, I let them drift as they wanted and instead focused on my breathing.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
The first thought to make itself known was part of the dream scene I'd had while sleeping in Sam's bed. The middle aged man who'd collapsed in the forest. I knew there was something familiar about his mannerisms the first time I'd dreamed of him, so I allowed the memory of that first dream to fill my mind. I watched as he walked along and rubbed his left hand with his right. My mind skipped forward to show him doing the action again, and then skipped forward once more to show him rubbing at his left arm, and finally a last skip to see him grabbing at his chest before he collapsed to the ground. I knew I'd seen something similar somewhere and I let my mind float, allowing the memories to wash around me until at last the right one came forward. Harry Clearwater. I'd seen that same hand rubbing I'd noticed in the middle aged man in my dream with Harry. The awareness at the back of my mind froze for a second, nearly jarring me out of my trance. Harry was why I'd had the dream scene. Harry was in danger of having a heart attack, and judging from the feeling of urgency I'd gotten from Taha Aki, it wasn't likely to be far off in the future either. The right feeling wasn't at all welcome this time. The prospect of one of Charlie's closest friends being dangerously ill was a terrible one, and I knew I'd now have to add watching Harry closely whenever possible for signs of a heart attack to the list of things I was already responsible for. Adding the probability of more encounters with Leah if I was keeping tabs on Harry was also something I really didn't relish, but if it would give Harry a chance to survive, I'd just have to take my chances with his slightly disturbed daughter. That line of thought now settled, my mind allowed the memories to flit away again and I was free of thought once more.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
The next thought to come to the front was more disturbing than my realisation about Harry. Into my empty drifting mind flowed the images of torn up dead and dying wolves flying out of the nothingness to lie at my feet. The knowledge that this was a possible future for the Quileute Shape shifters was a horrifying thought and had I not been deep in my trance, it would've brought me to the edge of panic. As it was, my grasp on my trance trembled a little and I had to focus carefully to prevent the trance form shattering around me completely. I'd consciously made a selfish choice for the first time that I could remember when I decided to stall going out to find Victoria, and I couldn't escape the conclusion that I could no longer justify that decision. My justification for it had been shaky in the first place, if I was honest with myself, and now that I knew what might happen to the wolves if I made a poor decision in the future, I knew that I had to make my move sooner rather than later. The sooner I found Victoria and therefore hopefully the wolves too, the longer the shifters would have to make plans for whatever might be coming, hopefully enabling them to save themselves and, I also hoped, me. Another little memory of my dream the night before trickled through, spurring me on in my decision to make my move as soon as possible. I recalled the first thing Taha Aki had said to me before the dream scenes started; "The time approaches, the beginning of the new." He had told me, and I accepted in my trance state that he meant it was time for me to act. The right feeling washed through me once again, just as I'd expected it to, and the aware part of me at the back of my mind snorted in amusement. "I know it's you doing that now, you know, so you could just say it rather than trying to be all mystical and shit." My awareness told Taha Aki, and I wasn't at all surprised when I heard his amused voice answer inside my head.
"Ah. The young one accepts my presence at last." It was more than a little weird to be sharing head space with an old Quileute mystical being, but somehow I found it reassuring rather than disturbing, and I knew without being able to say how I knew that he wasn't there all the time, intruding on my mental privacy, but was only present when I reached this level of meditation, ready to confirm or refute my conclusions as I made them, just as he apparently had been doing all this time by giving me that feeling of right every so often.
"I'm pretty sure I've understood that you were there for a little while now." I replied inside my head.
"Yes, Young One. I'm sure you have. But as I've told you before, understanding and accepting are different things. When you only understood there was still a barrier between us, making it hard to communicate, now you accept the barrier is lifted and now we can even talk together if needed when you're deep enough into your meditation." I had to admit that it would be useful to be able to communicate more easily with him, although it did raise the mind boggling issue of who or what he was, and also the issue of where did I stop and he begin. Those were issues for another time though, I had more than enough to be mulling over with the fact that I had to bite the bullet and head out into the forest to find the wolves, preferably before I also found the vengeful psycho vampire. Along the edges of my tiny bit of awareness I could feel the fear trying to creep its way in. I couldn't allow my meditation to end like that, a large part of the trace states was the wonderful peace and calm and balance I felt during and after, and dropping out of the meditative state while there was even a hint of any emotion, let alone fear, was a sure way to leave myself feeling unbalanced for the rest of the day at least. I focused once more on my breathing, willing my muscles to relax further, allowing the thoughts I'd been picking through to drift away once more, leaving me empty and sinking deeper and deeper into my meditation as I breathed.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
I sank deeper than I'd ever been before, my body not feeling anything and my mind a complete void, ready for any thought that might fly in, but not chasing any down. Once I'd allowed myself to soak up all the calm I could, and careful not to disturb the balance I'd found, I allowed myself to edge closer to awareness, inching back into myself bit by bit, still keeping my mind free as I did so. I was only a few moments away from coming back to myself when a little errant thought flitted into and out of my mind so fast that I almost missed it. It was a simple, tiny little thing and yet the implications of it were so profound to me personally that it jogged me the last step out of my trance. I opened my eyes and stared out through the hanging roots at the ocean, still consciously matching my breaths to the waves to help me maintain my calm peaceful balance in the face of this tiny yet huge revelation. "I didn't even notice it at the time – I was far too caught up in the heat of things, but when I was comparing how rejected Sam would feel if I called things off with how rejected I'd always felt when it happened to me, I thought Edward's name, instead of referring to him as Him. And not only did it not cause me any pain, just like it didn't just then either, but I didn't even notice I'd done it."
It was a massive step forward for me. A step towards fond memories and away from tortured regrets. A step towards healing and away from that howling, hungry pit. In my mind's eye I fitted another, much stronger door to the room where the pit could be found and set a large guard dog in front of the door. I was momentarily startled to see that the dog I'd posted as sentry looked a hell of a lot like the big black wolf from my dreams, but then I reasoned with myself that after having dreamed about the wolf for so long, every night, almost without pause, it was hardly a surprise if my imagination cast the image from my dreams in the role.
As I came back to full awareness, I was suddenly aware of something else. My hand. Whilst the break from the pain had been a real relief, suddenly being able to feel the scald without warning was almost as bad as the initial injury had been. I bit my lip to distract myself from the pain and slowly rose to my feet. I was still filled with the peace and clam from my meditating and I knew I needed to act right then, while I was in the best possible state to do so. Falling back on my tried and tested method for remaining calm when I had absolutely no reason to be so, I broke my mission down into simple, easy steps. "Step one: Go home and leave that note for Charlie again." Whilst I was hoping for the best, I wasn't going to take the chance of leaving my dad sad and alone without even a hint as to why, and so I drove, one handed, home to leave the note under his pillow like I had tried to on the Wednesday night. I figured I should get changed too. Just as I hadn't wanted to bring Charlie's scent with me if there was a chance I'd run into Victoria, I had no intention of bringing Sam's either so going out into the forest wearing his shirt and my own jeans which had been rubbed all over him the night before was a bad plan. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top and sweater from my closet and pulled them on, then went to get the note I'd written for Charlie the last time I'd decided to go on this mission. "Ok, it's in the pocket of my black skinny jeans, and I haven't washed them yet." I emptied my laundry basket out and all over the rug fell… nothing. The basket was empty. There should've been a week's worth of laundry in there and yet I appeared to have no dirty clothes at all.
"Oh fuck!" I muttered, running down to the washing machine. There inside was a load of dark clothes. I yanked the door open and pulled out a sodden tangled mess of clean but still wet clothes. It took me a few minutes to untangle my jeans from the mess one handed, but once I had I feverishly shoved my hands in each pocket, hoping my fingers to be met with a mushy paper mache ex-note to Charlie. Again nothing. I had a horrible churning feeling attempting to build in my stomach. On any other occasion I'd be thrilled that Charlie had learned not only to separate colours in the laundry, but also to check the pockets before he put the clothes in the machine. But right at that moment I was cursing the fact that he'd remembered to do any laundry at all, let alone remembered to look in the pockets. Angrily shoving the wet clothes ball back into the machine, I slammed the door shut and out of the corner of my eye saw something white drop to the floor from on top of the washer. I snatched it up, hoping against hope I'd dodged the bullet and sure enough it was my note. "Thank fuck for that, it looks like he didn't read it!" I let out a loud gushing sigh of relief and leaned against the machine for a moment, struggling to claw back my peaceful calm state. A few deep breaths later I was at least calm enough to head back upstairs to place the note under Charlie's pillow and once I'd done that I felt the peace dropping over me like a veil. It seemed that my acceptance of what needed to be done was helping me in my quest for calm and with each step down the stairs I felt fractionally calmer and more peaceful. By the time I reached my truck I was almost completely at ease, while still able to keep completely aware of my surroundings. I wondered if this was how soldiers felt the night before a battle, or death row inmates as they walked to the electric chair. The drive to the place where He…. where Edward and I had parked when we went to our meadow seemed much shorter than I remembered and it seemed like only a matter of minutes before I was walking alone through the forest, heading for the clearing. I was struck by the familiarity of walking alone through the forest. Not because of the time when Edward had left me there, but due to the repeated nightly 'Alone in the Forest' dreams I'd had for months afterwards. I did feel very exposed and lonely, and I quickly fought down the fear that was trying to rise at the memory of those dreams. I made no attempt to tread lightly and carefully; the point was to attract Victoria's attention if I could, then trust to the hope that the shape shifters would be patrolling and wouldn't let her pass through the forest so close to their land without chasing her off. I tripped a number of times over fallen logs, surface roots, broken branches, my own feet, and each time I scraped my good hand (I was still cradling my scalded hand to my chest most of the time, which of course was contributing to the slip 'n' fall festival' as it put me off balance to be using only one hand) I rubbed the traces of blood onto a tree trunk I walked past, wanting to make sure I was leaving a good strong scent trail for her to follow.
It was nearly dark by the time I finally reached the meadow and I had been prepared for a sudden burst of the old familiar echoing chest pain, ready to hold my chest as I struggled to keep the hole in my chest from swallowing me.
Nothing.
Or no. Not nothing.
Just a gentle, sad feeling, regrets for earlier times but no howling emptiness. No struggle for breath, not headlong decent into my pit. After walking right across the centre of the meadow, I sat on the very edge of the clearing, thinking over what I was feeling and what my lack of pain meant. "I guess the lack of pain means that the damage done when He.. When Edward ripped his soul away from mine has completely healed. And also that my heart has finally healed too." I took a few minutes to deliberately run through some of the memories I had carefully avoided up til this point. Again, instead of the pain I felt a warm, slightly sad nostalgia ad regret. It seemed that finally, after months of struggling, mentally, physically and emotionally, and after all the trauma I'd put my dad through, I was over H.. Edward. I'd moved on.
I was about to turn to some more memories, sort of looking forward to allowing myself to think about the Cullens, when a twig snapping caught my ear and I was suddenly hyper alert, looking around at the rapidly darkening forest around me and trying to isolate the direction the noise had come from. "Keep calm, keep calm, keep calm, keep calm" I recited the mantra in my head and while my mind was obeying, every muscle in my body was thrumming, willing me to break and make a run for it, fully aware of the danger I was in. I sternly forced my body into lock-down, keeping my breaths measured and slow and trying to touch the very edge of my trance state so could keep my heart-rate as regular as possible. I didn't want to betray any sign to Victoria that I knew she was there, if indeed the noise had come from her.
It hadn't.
Suddenly and noiselessly a figure appeared on the edge of the meadow, exactly where I had broken through the tree line myself a while earlier. It wasn't Victoria. It wasn't even a female, but from the way he moved I could tell immediately that he was a vampire. The grace and fluidity of his movement betrayed him to one in the know instantly. I raised my head slowly and calmly to try to make out through the gloom if it was someone I knew. He was too far away, but just as I thought that, he began to walk towards me, each step bringing him into clearer focus. I rose to my feet carefully, not making any sudden movements, and finally, when he was only a few yards away I recognised him.
"Laurent?" I asked, though it was unnecessary; his face wasn't one I was ever likely to forget.
"You remember me." He said delightedly, his tone reminding me strangely of a kindergarten teacher, pleased and proud when one of her pupils made her a macaroni necklace. I rolled my eyes internally at his patronising attitude and wondered if he was friend or foe; on the one hand, he'd left Victoria and James before James started hunting me in order to go and join the Cullens' cousins and try the 'vegetarian' lifestyle. On the other hand, he had been close with Victoria, probably for a large number of years, and him turning up like this when Victoria had been in the area killing random people in her mission to get to me seemed to stretch co-incidence a mite too far.
"Of course." I said. "How are you? I'm surprised to see you here." He looked around cautiously, raising his chin and breathing deeply through his nose. I guessed he was scenting to see if any of the Cullens were around. As his eyes caught the moonlight my wondering about whether he was friend or foe was answered.
Red.
Blood red eyes. I was definitely in danger and it might end up being danger I couldn't get out of because as far as I knew the wolves wouldn't be out looking for this vampire and I didn't know just how good their noses were when it came to an unfamiliar scent. Would they even know there was another vampire in the area before it was far too late for me? Remembering the dream scene I'd had where Taha Aki showed me over and over a meeting between me and an unknown male vampire, I tried to keep my hopes up – surely this was what that dream had been about and so as long as I came across as confident and didn't show any fear, I'd hopefully be able to keep him talking long enough for the wolves to appear. Drawing all the calm I had around me I kept my face carefully blank, not letting the fact that I'd seen his eyes show.
"I'm well, Bella, thank you." Laurent replied with an almost formal politeness, taking another couple of steps forward. "I'm surprised to see you too. I went to the Cullens' house but couldn't find any trace of them there, they've clearly been gone for quite some time. I would've thought they'd taken you with them, weren't you Edward's little pet?" He seemed genuinely unaware of just how offensive he was being, his voice remaining completely friendly, although having spent so long around vampires myself I could recognise the signs of one of them sizing up the distance between us before pouncing. I had to step things up before he made his move and attacked. "Confidence is the key." I reminded myself and forced a natural sounding laugh from my lips.
"Well that's not how I thought of it, but I guess from a vampire's perspective, that might be how it looked." I said with as convincing a chuckle as I could manage. "What was it you needed the Cullens for? I could pass on a message for you if you want. I talk to them most days on the phone and I'm seeing a few of them next weekend in Port Angeles." I was lying my ass off, but trying to think of it as making a bluff in a poker game; he'd bet, I'd called and raised and I couldn't let anything about me show that I had the worst hand imaginable. I must've succeeded with my tactic as he faltered a little. Obviously I didn't seem quite such a tasty treat if there was a chance the Cullens would find out just who had killed me "what a fucking coward." I thought.
"Oh it wasn't anything in particular, I was just passing through the area and wanted to have a little visit with them, that's all." He took another step forward. "So you talk to them a lot then? I hope they're all doing well. What prompted them to move away and leave you behind, Bella?" He tilted his head slightly at me as I answered.
"Oh you know, the usual." I answered with what I hoped sounded like a breezy tone. "People were beginning to take note of the ever youthful Dr Cullen, and whenever that happens, they make a move as soon as they can without raising suspicion." He gave a toothy grin at my answer and the sight of all those strong white teeth made my body break rank for a split second. My knees trembled ever so slightly and my heart sped for a couple of beats before I was able to regain my control, but it was too late. I realised as his grin widened even further that he'd tilted his head to listen more closely to my heart-rate. He'd spotted my lie and his body language shifted, his movements becoming more graceful, more liquid, like a lion stalking a gazelle. I forced myself to keep still, my dreams had shown me what showing fear would get me and I had to trust that Taha Aki knew his stuff.
"Yes I can see how that would be a problem with their lifestyle." Laurent answered, edging closer still
"I thought you were living with the Denali's now?" I ventured. "How are you finding the diet? Is it a hard change to make?" He grinned again, tilting his head deliberately into the moonlight to show me his eyes which he'd assumed I'd not yet noticed.
"Ah well as you can see, the new lifestyle hasn't really taken for me." He said with a careless shrug. "I take a little 'business trip' now and then and I'm afraid that when I'm on these trips I cheat a little on my diet." He gave a little chuckle and took another step. He was now only about five paces from me. "On this latest trip I ran into an old friend, a mutual acquaintance." He went on. "Victoria. She's really not very happy with you, Bella. She asked me to swing by and see if you were still protected, and I think we both know the answer to that, don't we?" I forced myself not to react. "She's going to be quite angry with me I think. She wanted to kill you herself; she's become quite boring with her petty vengeance, but you really do smell quite delicious and I really am quite thirsty." He licked his lips and began to tense his body, I knew I had only a few seconds left before he pounced but I also knew I still couldn't show him any fear. I forced myself to hold my ground, keeping my body language confident and assured and I made one last desperate attempt to stall him long enough for the arrival of the wolves as Taha Aki had shown me in my dream.
"Well I guess I can understand that." I said calmly, eliciting a surprised eyebrow raise form the vampire. "But I'm afraid there's something you haven't taken into account. Something that Victoria failed to inform you of." He stood a fraction straighter, obviously surprised and curious.
"And what could that be, my dear? You're not going to try to convince me that one of the Cullens is around again are you? We both know that's a lie, and something as obvious as that isn't going to protect you." Finally, over Laurent's shoulder I spotted a bit of movement in the edge of the treeline. "I hope to hell that that's the wolves or I've had it!" I thought, and then I made out a flash of light grey fur in the moonlight. "Thank fuck for that!" I smiled, a big, beaming smile at Laurent, no trace of anxiousness in it whatsoever.
"No Laurent, I wouldn't insult either of us by trying that lie again. But you know you really should've asked Victoria why she couldn't look in on me herself. It probably would've saved your life." He looked shocked and a tiny thread of doubt edged into his expression. Behind him, the wolves were edging silently across the clearing, their paws not making a sound in the damp grass of the meadow. They were only a few yards behind him and still stalking closer as I continued "See she's been trying to get to me for months, but they've chased her off again and again. She's managed to evade them so far, but I'm sure they'll get her eventually." I leaned forward in a confiding way and managed not to shudder back away from him as he automatically leant forward too, to hear what I was going to say. "Of course," I said in a stage whisper, "I don't think she was ever stupid enough to let them get this close before making her escape. She may have managed to keep out of their grasp but I'm afraid that you, Laurent…." I gestured over his shoulder. "Are fucked"
His head spun around faster than my eyes could track to see what I was gesturing at and his entire body froze for a second.
"No. I don't believe it." He whispered under his breath.
"You should believe it." I told him, not able to keep the smug little smirk off my face. "Like I said, Laurent." My voice firmed with my final words and I virtually spat them out. "You. Are. Fucked."
Quicker than my senses could follow, Laurent made a break for it, running past me so close that his clothes brushed against me as he ran. A split second later the wolves followed and as they ran past me I was finally able to note their appearance. It seemed that my dreams had been very accurate indeed. At the front of the pack a huge black wolf was flanked by a similar sized russet animal and a very slightly smaller silvery grey, just like some of the wolves I'd seen in my dreams. As they tore across the clearing after the fleeing vampire, they blurred out of sight, my eyes weren't able to track them at the speed they were moving, but I was able to note the streaks of brown, another, darker grey, and a pair of much smaller streaks one a sandy colour and another which also looked grey in the moonlight, which came at Laurent from three directions just as he hit the tree line. He never stood the smallest chance. Trapped between the pack, he barely had a second to come to a halt when he was hit by three of the seven wolves; the black, the russet and the darker grey, which I could now tell had a few black spots, and the three shifters dragged him out of my sight and into the tree-line. Seconds later I could hear the all too familiar metallic screeching which I knew heralded the destruction of a vampire and I resisted the urge to cover my ears and cower on the ground. One of the smaller wolves, the grey one, and the larger, silvery grey wolf looked over to where I was standing and I got the distinct impression they were not at all happy to see me, a feeling that was quickly confirmed by the larger wolf's upper lip raising in a wolfy sneer and the smaller wolf raising it's hackles and outright growling at me. The large Brown wolf snarled at the pair and the smaller grey pinned itself to the ground in response, looking every inch the submissive pack member, while the larger grey continued to sneer, but turned it's head away after a moment in disdain. The action looked bizarrely familiar for a second, but before I could analyse that thought, the three that had dragged Laurent off returned. The pack grouped together at their side of the meadow and stood there in silence, communicating in some way I couldn't' fathom. I was suddenly more afraid than I'd been the whole time I'd been out in the forest "Oh shit. Are they getting ready to leave? I haven't told them I need their help yet. They can't go until I spoken with them." I raised my voice and called over to them and their heads turned to look at me almost as one.
"Thank you. Thank you so much. I really can't tell you how grateful I am for your help. I don't know how much you can understand when you're in that form," That elicited several flinches and one surprised yelp from the small sandy coloured wolf, "but I really do need to talk to you. Please, if you can understand me, please can I talk to you? There are things you need to know." The pack turned back to stand and stare amongst themselves again, an occasional growl and snarl punctuating their meeting this time. At one point the black wolf towered over the two greys that had appeared a bit hostile and the two of them dropped to their bellies, the smaller one looking like it was about to roll onto it's back in the ultimate canine sign of submission as the huge black wolf snarled and growled at the two of them, it's hackle raising, making it look even bigger still. I still had no way of telling if they'd understood my plea, and when all but the three who had taken Laurent down turned to melt back into the trees without a further sound, I felt my stomach begin to sink to my knees, until I saw that the other three were heading slowly towards me, clearly trying not to spook me by moving too fast. Wanting them to see that I was far from being afraid of them, I sat myself down cross-legged on the ground ("Indian fashion, how ironic." I couldn't help but note with internal amusement) something that no-one who was nervous of the colossal wolves would do, and both the russet ad dark grey wolves gave a little snort which I could only interpret as amusement at my action. The black rolled his eyes at the other two, and they began to move towards me a little quicker; their bodies looking more relaxed and natural. When they were about five yards away, the three of them sat too, looking at me expectantly.
"I'm guessing that means you can understand us regular humans when you're in wolf form then?" I asked, and as I mentioned their form for the second time, all three of them gave a start of what I assumed was surprise. After a moment, the black wolf lowered and raised his head in an approximation of a human nod and I felt myself relax fully for the first time since I left my hollow on the beach. "Well thank fuck for that, or this would be a really awkward conversation to try." I muttered as quietly as I could under my breath. This time all three of them snorted with that amused sounding noise and it was my turn to give a start of surprise. "Crap. You guys can hear that?" I asked, and all three of them gave their wolfy nods. "Note to self then. No more muttering under my breath." I muttered under my breath, causing a series of choking barking noises from the three in front of me which I guessed must be wolfy laughter. Despite the redness on my face, I joined in the laughter. After a moment I settled back down and made a start on my explanation.
"There's a female vampire, a red-head who's been taking out campers and hikers around here for a few months now." I began, and the three of them stilled and zeroed their attention on m. It was a little unnerving, but I'd already dealt with much worse that day, so I pressed on regardless. "I know what she's after." I told them, and the three of them shuffled closer, giving me the image of a group of kids being told a particularly exciting story, and edging closer as the action picked up. Stifling my inappropriate amusement at the errant thought, I continued with my explanation.
"She's after me."
