The Quest for Ken's Cheetah
Jeff, Matt, Shawn and Hunter arrived at Ken's house to find the Green Bay native seriously distressed. "My cheetah is gone!" he wailed as soon as he saw them. "I'm not MISTERRRRRR KENNEDY!" He paused for dramatic effect. "KENNEDY without my cheetah."
Hunter shook his head. "Do you always have to say your name like that?"
Ken gave him a strange look. "Yes. Why would you even ask that?"
"Where and when did you last see Pebbles?" Jeff asked, getting right down to business.
Shawn snickered. "You named your cheetah Pebbles?"
Matt shook his head. "Ken, a cheetah is a wild animal. It is not a pet."
"Well Pebbles is my pet and she doesn't appreciate it when people make fun of her name," Ken replied, glaring at Shawn.
"Well Pebbles isn't here anymore, is she?" Shawn snapped.
Ken burst into tears and clung to Jeff. "Oh God, what am I going to do without my Pebbles? I don't think I can live without her."
Jeff patted him on the back. "We'll find her, don't worry. I have special cheetah finding powers."
"No you don't," Hunter said.
"Yes I do," Jeff insisted. "Follow me. I'll prove it to you."
Matt sighed as they all followed Jeff outside. "This might be the stupidest and most dangerous thing we have ever done."
Shawn nodded. "Especially if the cheetah decides to eat us."
Jeff got on his hands and knees and started sniffing the ground as he crawled around. "She was here several hours ago," he announced. He crawled around some more. "She jumped over the fence. She was after something."
Ken groaned. "Oh God, she probably wanted to eat somebody. I knew I should have made her become a vegetarian."
"Jeff get off the ground," Hunter said. "This is ridiculous. You are not a dog and you cannot track down this cheetah."
"Silence puny human!" Jeff snapped. He crawled out of Ken's yard and started going down the sidewalk. "I will not tolerate your doubts!"
"Oh for God's sake, get back here you idiot!" Matt yelled as they tried to catch up with the Rainbow Haired Warrior.
"No!" Ken snapped. "He is trying to find Pebbles! I must have her back! I'm nothing without her!"
"You know, if I didn't know better, I would say that there's more to you and Pebbles' relationship than you're letting on," Shawn said.
Ken made a disgusted face. "Are you accusing me of bestiality? Because I will have to punch you if you are."
Jeff led them to a nearby park. Pebbles was there, drinking out of the fountain. "I'll be damned," Shawn said. "Ken really does have a cheetah."
"Pebbles!" Ken yelled. He ran over to his cheetah and grabbed her by the collar. "Naughty girl! You do not run away from me like that!"
Jeff got up and grinned smugly at them. "See? I told you that I had cheetah tracking powers."
Hunter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, big deal. You found the dumb cheetah. Whoopdie freaking do."
Pebbles heard the dumb comment and immediately pounced on Hunter. "AUGH! SOMEBODY GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"
"Get him Pebbles!" Ken cheered. "Show that bastard that you aren't dumb!"
Matt winced. "I think one of us should help him."
Jeff looked at him. "Do you want to get attacked by Pebbles?"
"No."
"Neither do I. Hunter will just have to deal with this on his own. Unless…" Both Hardys looked at Shawn.
Shawn shook his head. "Oh fuck that. I don't care if he is my tag team partner. I'm not getting eaten by a cheetah just for him. Besides, he mocked my chaps the other day. There is no forgiving that."
"So what do we do now then?" Matt asked.
"Do you guys want to go watch Southland Tales again and wonder why the hell Rocky would let himself be in such a dumbass movie?" Jeff asked.
Shawn nodded. "Yeah sure. I'm still determined to figure out what the hell is going on in that movie in the first place."
Matt shook his head. "There's no figuring that out Michaels. It's one of those things that will stay a mystery till the end of time. I just want to watch it again because it has the chick who was Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. She's hot."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "You're so simplistic Matthew."
"And don't you forget it."
