Explanation/Disclaimer: Won't you take me to funky town?

Quickie 28: Absolute Confusion

"I'm home!" Misty called into Ash's house as she walked through the door. Her arms were full of bags, as she had just gotten back from shopping. Since they were staying at Ash's home for the summer, Ash, Misty, Brock, May and even Max agreed that they should each take turns shopping so Ash's mom would have any easier time. Today was Misty's turn.

Misty walked into the living room, about to brag about how much she saved with coupons when her eyes met an absolutely insane scene.

Max cackled towards Team Rocket, "There's no escape, so you might as well hand over Arbok!"

"But…" Jessie (who happened to be dressed like May) whined, "You can't! He's not yours!"

"That's the point… DUH!" May said viciously, then continued, "You can kiss your Weezing goodbye as well!"

"I won't let you take him!" James who happened to be dressed like Max) said trying to make himself sound braver then he actually felt.

Misty walked over to Brock and asked exasperated, "Brock! What in the WORLD is going on here???"

Brock looked at Misty for a moment, tilted his head slightly and asked, "Pika?"

Misty sweat dropped, then said, "Come again…?"

Brock eyes flashed as he said, "Pikapi! Pika, pikachu!"

Misty was just about to scream when Pikachu leapt from nowhere and landed on her leg… and then began to hump her limb like a drunken frat boy… if that boy was a drunken frat hound dog."

Misty stared in horror down at her leg and yelled, "PIKACHU! STOP THAT!!!" but the electric mouse just continued to go to town.

"OH MAN!!!" Todd yelled racing into the room, "A Pikachu making it with a human, I have to sketch this!" And Todd pulled out a large doodle pad and started to draw on it.

Tracey walked into the room and scoffed, "You have got to be kidding me… CAMERAS are the wave of the future!"

"Yeah," Todd said sarcastically, "Because any moron couldn't just click a shutter… REAL skill is shown in artwork."

"You take that back!" Tracey shot back angrily, "My photo of Misty getting it on with a Pikachu will be THREE TIMES more erotic then anything you can draw!"

"No way!" Todd yelled back, "Sketches can just come from imagination, a photo is PROOF that Misty was boinking a pokemon!"

POW!!! POW!!!

Misty pulled off Pikachu and used it to bash both young men over the heads. Misty took a long around the madness surrounding her and screamed, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"

Suddenly Ash walked into the room, a can of soda in one hand and a bag of microwave popcorn in the other. He looked at the young girl, smiled and said, "Hey Mist." Then he went over and sat down on the sofa and started to munch on the popcorn.

Misty stared at Ash just sitting there placidly while this madness was going on. In fact, at that very moment Max had thrown himself upon Jessie, yanking on her hair, trying to yank the pokeball that contained Arbok out of her hand… and getting himself thrown into the bookcase for his aggression.

If this action shocked Misty, Ash's reaction to this left her absolutely flabbergasted! Ash was doubled over laughing his head off, cracked a line about "Max being put on the shelf" and after a moment he calmed down, then took a handful of popcorn, still trying not to chuckle.

Then Misty noticed that Ash had put his soda on the coffee table, and he was using his free hand to pet Psyduck. Misty shook her head. "Has EVERYONE lost their minds?" Misty moaned.

"Jeez," Ash said, "Relax Misty… it's only temporary insanity."

"Ash…" Misty said eyeing the young pokemon trainer, "Is this somehow your fault?"

"Yep." Ash said cheerfully.

"Ash…" Misty said sternly, "Tell me what is going on… why is Tracey interested in photography all of a sudden? And why in return, is Todd a sketcher now?"

"He's a Sketcher cause he's an S…" Ash answered with a big grin.

"ASH!" Misty snapped, "And Max and May are acting like how Team Rocket acts… its like you switched everyone's personality."

"Yeah…" Ash said trying to sound innocent, "Looks that way, doesn't it?"

Misty stared at Ash in disbelief, "But you couldn't have… that's impossible… I mean…" Then she looked at Psyduck, its eyes were glowing bright blue. "ASH!!! Are you making Psyduck use Confusion???"

"Brilliant Misty!" Ash said impressed, "One Truth Prevails, huh??? But I think it used a bit of Hypnosis too…"

"But… why?" Misty asked exasperated.

Ash answered this plainly by saying, "It's summer… there's nothing on TV."

"So your messing with your friends psyche for your own personal entertainment?" Misty said shocked.

"How is that any different from Joe Shmoe" Ash asked.

Misty thought about this for a second then replied, "That's NOT the point, besides, if you were so bored why didn't you just go play on the computer?"

"Internet connection's down." Ash explained, laughing again because Max just dropped a flying elbow on Jessie from the top of the bookcase."

"Oh." Misty said, "Well… what about the radio?"

"Storm's coming, can't get a thing on the radio." Ash explained.

"Oh…" Misty said, then she looked at the carnage going on in the room, Tracey just smacked Todd over the head with the camera. "Well then…" Misty said sitting next to Ash, "Hand me the popcorn."

Ash handed over the bag of popcorn to Misty and she took a handful, and she asked between bites, "So what's do you have going on here?"

"Well," Ash said, "It all started with Team Rocket attacking, you know how they do that on days that end in a Y, right?"

Misty nodded, and Ash continued, "So this time, they burst in, and they're dressed like May and Max.. don't ask me why… something about 'prepare for us to give you to the facts, cause we're here dressed like May and Max…" or something stupid like that…"

Brock interrupted Ash by screaming "PIKA!!!" and smashed open a bottle of ketchup by throwing it against the wall. He then started licking the walls desperately. Ash and Misty watched this for a second, then Misty said, "Go on…"

Ash nodded and continued, "Anyway, they actually got the best of me on this exchange."

"That's amazing," Misty said, "How did that happen."

"If you MUST know," Ash said, "I was in the bathroom and they stole the toilet paper…"

Misty stifled a giggle, then looked at Ash, shrugged and said, "Sorry, so what happened?"

"You laugh… but to get myself out of that situation… let's just say I owe you a new copy of 'Care of Water Pokemon'" Ash said a bit annoyed. "Eww." Misty said a bit annoyed as well, "We'll discuss that later… but anyway, go on…"

"So anyway," Ash explained, "So I break out of the bathroom and they have Max and May tied to chairs…" Ash explained.

"Well," Misty said, "In fairness, when I left, you had Max tied up already."

"True…" Ash said, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have left the rope out… made it way to easy for them to tie up May… So I come racing downstairs, mind you, I have no clue what I'm going to do, all my pokemon are at Nurse Joy's. So here I am racing into a dangerous situation with no plan at all… I really can be dumb sometimes…"

"Yeah… sometimes…" Misty said rolling her eyes. At that very moment Todd stuck his pencil up Tracey's nose who staggered back, and knocked James into May, who in turn yelled something about "Crushed Oysters" and leapt on James wailing on him. James making those "ooh'ing" noises he makes.

Misty watched this for a moment then turned to Ash, "Ok… so what happened then?"

"Well," Ash said, "I got lucky. As I ran down the stairs, I tripped, tumbled down the stairs and nearly broke my neck."

"If that's lucky," Misty retorted, "Remind me to never let you pick lotto numbers for me."

"But it WAS lucky!" Ash explained, "Since it was Psyduck I tripped over, I really got it good too, because it's eyes turned blue and it really nailed Team Rocket good with Confusion… so much so in fact that they THOUGHT they were Max and May…"

"Well then…" Misty said, "So why are Max and May confused as well?"

"Well that happened when Psyduck blasted Jessie and James." Ash explained, "Wish I knew that before I untied them. But since they were tied up they thought they were villains… and well there you go…"

"Ok…" Misty explained, "That explains why May and Max are trying to steal Team Rocket's pokemon… but why are Tracey and Todd trying to kill each other?"

"Well… remember how Tracey and Todd are always arguing with each other about who has the better form of capturing the form of pokemon?" Ash asked.

"Not really, no…" Misty said, "But for the sake of this episode I'll pretend I'm familiar with that ongoing argument."

"Thanks." Ash said relieved, "Well, you know the saying, 'walk a mile in another man's shoes…' well I figured this would give them a new perspective on their argument…"

"So you were doing this for their own good," Misty asked, "And not just for the amusement of having them try to kill each other?"

"Well, that's just an added bonus…" Ash replied.

At that very moment Pikachu leapt onto Misty's chest and went back into horny Hamtaro humping mode.
"PIKACHU!" Misty yelled angrily, pushing the yellow rat off her, "STOP IT!!! What has gotten into you??? Wait a second… if Brock is talking like Pikachu, then…"

"Yep," Ash said, "Pikachu has gotten Brock's libido. He's warm for your form… he's got an hanker to be a spanker… he's…"

"Enough." Misty said annoyed, "Remind me to hit Brock later…" Misty said, "…hard…"

"No problem," Ash said.

"But…" Misty said a bit curious, "I know why you confused Max, May and Team Rocket, and you seemed to have a real reason why you confused Todd and Tracey, but why on earth did you use confusion on those two?"

Ash shrugged, and said, "I dunno… shits and giggles?"

Misty sighed, "You know what you did is wrong… right?"

"Well… come on… what other option did I have?" Ash said picking up the remote control, he aimed at the TV but Jessie, with Max hanging on her back was blocking Ash's shot at the TV.

"Uh guys." Ash said, "Do you mind?"

Out of nowhere, May let out the Xena war cry and leapt from the top of the stairs and crashed into Jessie and Max, all three crashing into the china hut, all three trainers out cold.

"Thanks!" Ash called out now that he had a clear shot at the TV, and he turned it on, "Anyway, here… the cable is stuck on one channel, and this is what's on…"

On the screen we see Professor Oak, dressed in head to toe in gothic attire, rolling his eyes back in his head. He seems to be in a wrestling ring, calling out Kane.

Misty looked shocked, "Oh my god Ash, you didn't! How could you? You made Professor Oak think he's the Undertaker?"

Ash sighed and said, "No I didn't! He's doing that on his own…"

On the screen Oak was telling the audience that "The UndertOAKer will make Kane rest in peace."

Misty sighed and said, "It really must be in the drinking water in this town."

"That's why I only drink soda." Ash explained.

"By the way," Misty asked, "If you were so bored, you really didn't have to possess your friends and enemies for your own entertainment, why didn't you just go to the city for the day?"

Ash looked at Misty like she was crazy, "Are you nuts? It's a hot time, summer in the city… the back of my neck would get all dirty and icky… You know, it's a pity, that's the days, cant be more like the nights… in the summer, in the city…"

Misty nodded and repeated, "In the summer, in the city…"

Pikachu interrupted when he leapt up onto Misty's face, knocking her on her back. Misty yelled in disgust, yanked Pikachu off her and threw it across the room, it landing next to May, Max and Jessie, and joined them in the ranks of unconsciousness.

"Nice job," Ash said annoyed, "You K.O.'ed Pikachu!"

Misty was taking a swig of Ash's soda, "He violated me." Misty said annoyed, handing back the soda to Ash.

Ash looked at the can and said, "Ah… you keep it…"

"Besides," Misty said, "We still have Brock to keep us entertained."

Indeed, Brock was still licking the ketchup off the wall, happily chirping, "Pika!"

"You don't think he's getting to close to that outlet, do you?" Ash asked, sitting up a bit.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!!!!!!!!!

"Yep…" Misty said, "I'd say he was."

"Shocking." Ash replied.

Misty looked at Ash, Ash tried to look innocent. Then Misty spoke, "Well, that's the last of them, what do we do now?"

Brock laid splayed out on the floor, the shock knocking out the TV and most of the electricity.
"Wanna go over to Professor Oak's? We can put on his TV and see how he's doing in the ring." Ash suggested. "Meh." Misty said shrugging, "Why not."

As they were heading out, Misty asked, "Are they going to be ok?"

Ash shrugged, "I'm sure once they wake up, they'll be fine, and we all will have a big laugh."

"Don't you think they'll be pissed?" Misty asked.

Ash reached into his pocket and pulled out a neutralizer, "That's why I always carry one of these babies with me… I'll just make them think that they were all drinking tainted water."

"Not a bad idea…" Misty said, then she realized, "Hey… wait a minute… that time I woke up in that French maid's outfit… YOU told me that I had drank tainted water… Ash!!! Are you telling me that…"

FLASH!!!

Misty blinked a few times, and she asked dreamily, "Ash… what's going on?"

"The heat must be getting to you Misty," Ash said, putting away the mind erasing device, "We were heading over to Professor Oak's to watch TV, remember?"

"Umm… sure… sounds good…" Misty said.

Misty walked out the door, but Ash waited around, "Look readers… I hate to do this, but you are all witnesses…" Ash puts on shades, and holds up the neutralizer, "Don't worry, it's not like your forgetting anything all THAT important…"

FLASH!!!

.

……

……..

………..… THE END

Ash and Misty came back inside, and everyone got up off the floor. "That was a fun one," Ash said, "Wasn't it?"

Pikachu agreed, a lot more feverishly then it should have. Misty shot it a look. "We were in this one," James moaned, "And we didn't even get to do our motto!"

"Hey," Ash said, "I did make reference to it, you know…"

"Not really the same, is it?" Jessie complained, "Besides, 'prepare for us to give you the facts?' our entrances have much more flare then that!"

"You think you can do better?" Ash asked.

Jessie cleared her voice and in a loud, booming, on-stage voice, "Prepare for your pokemon to be usurped."

James: "Because here we are dressed like the twerps!"

"Nice rhyming of the word 'usurped'!" Todd congratulated.

"Hey Todd!" Brock said, "Glad you could make a guest spot in a quickie."

"Well," Todd said, "After Duplica getting a guest spot last time… I just had to make an appearance."

"Wait a minute," Tracey said annoyed, "How come I never get a welcome like that?"

"Because!" Ash said, exasperated, "Because no one likes you, remember?"

"Oh…" Tracey said, "Yeah…"

"Cheer up!" Misty said, "Even WITH you in it, it still turned out to be a good quickie."

"Thanks" Tracey said sullenly.

"Let's go out and celebrate!" Ash cried out, "Frosty Chocolate Milkshakes in honor of another great quickie…"

"Cowabunga…" Brock murmured.

Just as everyone was leaving, there was a loud "AHEM!" noise. Everyone spun on their heels to see Max giving them all a very disapproving look.

Max lifted up one finger in that 'I'm trying to explain something to make me seem smart' way, and said, "This really wasn't that great an episode."

"What?" Ash asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Because," Max said, still wagging his finger, "Look at all the errors that were made. For one, Psyduck's Confusion attack really doesn't work that way… for another reason, you said you even used Hyponsis… and attack that suppose to put enemies asleep… NOT make them act all weird."

Everyone in the room started to groan, but Max ignored them and continued, "Also, given Misty's personality, why would she not be upset with Ash for messing with her friends, and Ash and Misty were just going to leave, leaving Pikachu out cold in a room with Team Rocket… a rather stupid error, don't you think?"

Max continued still, completely ignoring how annoyed everyone else seemed to be getting, "Also, licking a light socket wouldn't blow a fuse, but it very well might KILL the licker, not just knock him out… and, finally, I believe the lines to the Lovin Spoonful's 'Summer In The City' goes, "Hot time, summer in the city, back of my neck getting dirty and GRITTY… not Icky… I don't even know where you got 'icky' from! And another thing…"

We Iris out on Max…

ONE MINUTE LATER…

And Iris back in…

…on Max, completely bound and gagged to a chair while Ash yells over, "We'll be back for you when we're done with the milkshakes… if anyone asks for you, we'll just say you're all tied up!"

Max mumbled something, that if he didn't have a gag on, would have been: "Bad enough to leave me like that, but that old joke was just a cheap low blow"

Iris out on Max 'waterfall tearing' face.

THE REAL END

And number 28 is done. This one may be a little different then my normal quickie, but it was done as a dare, and there was a time limit… none the less… I do hope you all enjoyed it. And you will all be pleased to know that number 29 isn't too far away because it was half way done when I started this one as a dare! So give me a week or so! As for all my American readers, I hope you all had a happy safe and fun 4th of July. Thank you again for reading, until next time!