A/N: When I said I was only going to be a few weeks before I updated, I thought that was all it was going to be. Without going into personal stuff I will just say that sometimes life sucks. But on a happier note, I only have one more chapter to write and the story is finished. To all the reviewers, people who have PM'd me and the friends I chat to regularly, thank you for your support. It has meant the world to me. You know who you are and I just can't thank you all enough for the support. For the people who like to shout at me in capitals when they review, just to let you know, it does not motivate me to write any quicker, if anything it usually has me turning the computer off and finding something else to do for the day. I'm sure some of you won't like the direction of the next few chapters but it will improve for our favourite couple eventually, I couldn't expect them to sit there day after day reading about what they were doing and it not affect them.


CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

FOUR'S POV

I feel something poking my cheek, I reach out to swat it away and hit something. I grab quickly at it and here a squeal as someone tries to pull away from me. At the same time I pull them towards me and open my eyes to see Lynn landing on a sleeping Tris.

Tris screams as Lynn lands on her and I let Lynn go. Lynn is trying to get off Tris as Uriah comes running into the room. "What are you three doing?" Uriah asks.

Lynn falls back on the bed between Tris and I and says, "I came to wake them up so we could start reading the next chapter."

"Did you have to poke me?" I ask.

"I didn't know you would react like that," Lynn replies gruffly.

Tris starts to laugh as Marlene comes bounding into the room, stopping in her tracks when she sees the three of us in bed.

"Why wasn't I invited?" Marlene asks with a cheeky smile on her face.

I groan and try to move further away from Lynn but with three of us on the bed it is a little difficult.

"Poor Four," Uriah jokes. "All these woman in your bed and you don't have a clue."

"One is enough," I say as I get off the bed. "Did you say something about reading more chapters?"

"Yeah," Lynn says. "We didn't know you were going to have a nap."

"We didn't mean too," Tris whines. "Let's go and get this over with."


We get down stairs to see everyone sitting around waiting to start to read.

"About time," Zeke huffs. "What were you doing?"

"They fell asleep," Lynn replies.

"Ready?" Will asks as he opens the book.

"Where are we up to?" Uriah asks.

"Four just begged Tris not to go to Erudite," Eric says.

"Ahhh, that's right," Uriah says nodding his head.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

When he starts to fall asleep, he keeps his arms around me fiercely, a life-preserving prison. But I wait, kept awake by the thought of bodies hitting pavement, until his grip loosens and his breathing steadies.

I hate listening to this. She hasn't even left and I hate it. This is all my fault. I shut her out and now she is going to go.

"Stop thinking about it," Tris whispers.

"What?" I ask.

"You are blaming yourself for me wanting to go," Tris says. "I can see it, it's written all over your face."

"Tris," I say.

"Don't Tobias. It hasn't happened, it's not going to happen. So, stop beating yourself up about it."

I will not let Tobias go to Erudite when it happens again, when someone else dies. I will not.

"What makes you think he would go?" Christina asks. "If he is begging you not to go, then why would he take your place? I would think he would want to stay in Dauntless."

"I don't know Christina," Tris replies.

"You're lying," Christina responds.

I know Tris is lying too, I know what she is thinking. She knows I would go instead of her. "Back off," I tell Christina.

I slip out of his arms. I shrug on one of his sweatshirts so I can carry the smell of him with me. I slip my feet into my shoes. I don't take any weapons or keepsakes.

I pause by the doorway and look at him, half buried under the quilt, peaceful and strong.

"I love you," I say quietly, trying out the words. I let the door close behind me.

"Don't cry Marlene," Uriah tries to comfort Marlene as a sob escapes her.

"She shouldn't be going. It's my fault," Marlene says with tears streaming down her face.

"No, it's not," Tris says in a commanding voice. "None of this is our faults. It's Jeanine's. Don't cry Marlene."

"But you are going to die and you never got to tell Four you love him properly," Marlene cries.

"Marlene," Tris says. "It hasn't happened. Just think of it as a story. I hate seeing you cry."

"I'll try," Marlene sniffs.

I am feeling for Marlene, it seems that this book is affecting her a lot more than anyone else in the room. Although with Tris leaving for Erudite I might be the one who needs consoling.

It's time to put everything in order.

I walk to the dormitory where the Dauntless-born initiates once slept. The room looks just like the one I slept in when I was an initiate: it is long and narrow, with bunk beds on either side and a chalkboard on one wall. I see by a blue light in the corner that no one bothered to erase the rankings that are written there—Uriah's name is still at the top.

"Yeah," Uriah shouts.

Christina sleeps in the bottom bunk, beneath Lynn. I don't want to startle her, but there's no way to wake her otherwise, so I cover her mouth with my hand. She wakes with a start, her eyes wide until they find me. I touch my finger to my lips and beckon for her to follow me.

"Way to scare the crap out of someone Tris," Lynn laughs.

I walk to the end of the hallway and turn a corner. The corridor is lit by a paint-spattered emergency lamp that hangs over one of the exits. Christina isn't wearing shoes; she curls her toes under to protect them from the cold.

"For someone who doesn't like shopping," Christina says. "You seem to have a thing about shoes."

"She does, doesn't she?" Shauna comments.

"How can you say that?" Uriah asks. "Christina isn't wearing any."

"Exactly," Christina says. "All that Tris could have observed about me and it was that I wasn't wearing any shoes."

"I think it's to describe to you that it is cold," Tori says with a role of her eyes.

"What is it?" she says. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'm ..." I have to lie, or she'll try to stop me. "I'm going to see my brother. He's with the Abnegation, remember?"

She narrows her eyes.

"I'm sorry to wake you," I say. "But there's something I need you to do. It's really important."

"Okay. Tris, you're acting really strange. Are you sure you're not—"

"Probably lucky you just woke me up Tris," Christina says. "Otherwise I would be able to tell that you are lying."

"I'm not. Listen to me. The timing of the simulation attack wasn't random. The reason it happened when it did is because the Abnegation were about to do something—I don't know what it was, but it had to do with some important information, and now Jeanine has that information..."

"What?" She frowns. "You don't know what they were about to do? Do you know what the information is?"

"No." I must sound crazy. "The thing is, I haven't been able to find out very much about this, because Marcus Eaton is the only person who knows everything, and he won't tell me. I just ... it's the reason for the attack. It's the reason. And we need to know it."

"You don't sound as crazy as you did when you were on the peace serum," Zeke chuckles.

"That brings me such comfort Zeke," Tris says sarcastically and leaves everyone laughing.

I don't know what else to say. But Christina is already nodding.

"The reason Jeanine forced us to attack innocent people," she says bitterly. "Yeah. We need to know it."

I had almost forgotten—she was under the simulation. How many Abnegation did she kill, guided by the simulation? How did she feel when she awoke from that dream a murderer? I have never asked, and I never will.

"Do you think I killed people?" Christina asks looking horrified.

"There's a good chance," I say.

"But that isn't right," Christina wails.

"Do you really think any of what is happening is right?" I ask.

"No, I just hadn't really been thinking about it," Christina says.

"That's because you have been too wrapped up in what happened to Will," Lynn states. There is no accusation in her voice, she could be reading from a text book with how dull her tone is.

"I want your help, and soon. I need someone to persuade Marcus to cooperate, and I think you can do it."

She tilts her head and stares at me for a few seconds.

"Tris. Don't do anything stupid."

Lynn and Zeke both start laughing.

"What's so funny?" Tris asks.

"You are," Zeke says. "You are about to walk into Erudite. Don't you think that is the most stupid thing you could be doing?"

"Not if it saves lives," Tris says.

"Are you saying you would go now?" I ask. "After reading this."

"I don't know," Tris says. "Maybe."

I jump off the couch. "I can't believe you would say that," I shout as I pace the room.

"Do you really think I would sit back and do nothing?" Tris shouts back.

"You can't see how stupid this is?" I ask, lowering my voice a little.

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't do it again," Tris replies.

"Just read Will," I say. I can't sit with her right now. I can't sit full stop.

"Sit down Four," Zeke says.

"Just leave me alone," I forcefully say through gritted teeth.

Zeke just shrugs and leaves me alone. While Will starts to read.

I force a smile. "Why do people keep saying that to me?"

Everyone but Tris and I laugh at this.

She grabs my arm. "I'm not kidding around."

"I told you, I'm going to visit Caleb. I'll be back in a few days, and we can make a strategy then. I just thought it would be better if someone else knew about all this before I left. Just in case. Okay?"

She holds my arm for a few seconds, and then releases me. "Okay," she says.

I walk toward the exit. I hold myself together until I'm through the door, and then I feel the tears come. The last conversation I'll ever have with her, and it was full of lies.

"Do you realise how much sense your excuse for leaving didn't make?" Eric says. "If Caleb was in Abnegation then so is Marcus. Wouldn't you just talk to Marcus while you are visiting Caleb."

"But I'm not visiting Caleb," Tris says.

"I can't believe I didn't pick that up," Christina mutters.

"That's a page break," Will says.

Once I'm outside, I put up the hood of Tobias's sweatshirt. When I reach the end of the street, I glance up and down, searching for signs of life. There is nothing.

The cool air prickles in my lungs on the way in, and on the way out unfurls in a cloud of vapor. Winter will be here soon. I wonder if Erudite and Dauntless will still be at a standstill then, waiting for one group to obliterate the other. I'm glad I won't have to see it.

"I can't believe you are doing this Tris," Marlene wails. "You shouldn't be doing this."

"Someone has to do it," Tris replies.

"No! They don't," I say.

"What should we do Four?" Tris spits at me.

"We should attack," Uriah shouts out.

"Can we just read and find out what happens?" Lynn says.

"Fine," I snap and go and sit back down. Tris goes to take my hand and I pull mine away from her.

"Tobias," she whispers, trying to not draw attention to us.

"Don't," I hiss at her.

She lets out a sigh. I don't know what to do. I hate this feeling. I can't believe that even after reading all this she is still thinking of leaving for Erudite. How do I stop this? How do I stop her? I can feel a headache coming on. I feel so helpless. I thought we were in a good place in our relationship here, maybe I was wrong.

Before I chose Dauntless, thoughts like that never occurred to me. I felt assured of my long lifespan, if nothing else. Now there are no reassurances, except that where I go, I go because I choose to.

I walk in the shadows of buildings, hoping my footsteps won't attract any attention. None of the city lights are on in this area, but the moon is bright enough that I can walk by it without too much trouble.

I walk beneath the elevated tracks. They shudder with the movement of an oncoming train. I have to walk fast if I want to get there before anyone notices that I'm gone. I sidestep a large crack in the street, and jump over a fallen streetlight.

"I can't believe that you didn't realise what she was doing, Christina," Marlene says. "You should have realised she would do this."

"I don't either," Christina says with a huff. You can see she is clearly frustrated that she didn't pick up on Tris' lies.

I didn't think about how far I would have to walk when I set out. It isn't long before my body warms with the exertion of walking and checking over my shoulder and dodging hazards in the road. I pick up the pace, half walking and half jogging.

Soon I reach a part of the city that I recognize. The streets are better kept here, swept clean, with few holes. Far away I see the glow of Erudite headquarters, their lights violating our energy conservation laws. I don't know what I will do when I get there. Demand to see Jeanine? Or just stand there until someone notices me?

"How do they get away with it?" Will asks. "Even before the attack they were violating the laws. Why didn't anyone do anything about it?"

"We were told that it was for medical research and development," Max says. "The hospital obviously doesn't come under the energy laws and so that is the excuse that they used."

"And nobody thought to question why the whole building was ablaze with light?" I ask.

"It wasn't worth the argument," Max replies. "If Jeanine wants something she will find a way to get it."

"I hope someone kills that bitch," Tori mutters. "Preferably me."

My fingertips skim a window in the building beside me. Not long now. Tremors go through my body now that I am close, making it difficult to walk. Breathing is tricky too; I stop trying to be quiet, and let air wheeze in and out of my lungs. What will they do with me when I get there? What plans do they have for me before I outlive my usefulness, and they kill me? I don't doubt that they will kill me eventually. I concentrate on forward motion, on moving my legs even though they seem to be unwilling to support my weight.

And then I'm standing in front of Erudite headquarters.

I want to hold her hand, I really do. But I can't. What she is doing, what she is still willing to do, is suicide. I can't encourage her. I can't comfort her. How could she leave me like that?

Inside, crowds of blue-shirted people sit around tables, typing on computers or bent over books or passing sheets of paper back and forth. Some of them are decent people who do not understand what their faction has done, but if their entire building collapsed in on them before my eyes, I might not find it in myself to care.

This is the last moment I will be able to turn back. The cold air stings my cheeks and my hands as I hesitate. I can walk away now. Take refuge in the Dauntless compound. Hope and pray and wish that no one else dies because of my selfishness.

"Tris you can't keep blaming yourself," Uriah says. "I could have gone, Four, could have gone. There are lots of people who could have gone."

"But they didn't," Tris replies.

But I can't walk away, or the guilt, the weight of Will's life, and my parents' lives, and now Marlene's life, will break my bones, will make it impossible to breathe.

I slowly walk toward the building and push open the doors. This is the only way to keep from suffocating.

"That's a page break," Will says.

"I need the bathroom," I say.

I don't really I just need to try and compose myself for what is about to happen. This is tearing me apart. I don't know how I'm going to listen to what is going to happen. I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Tobias," Tris says on the other side of the door.

I unlock the door and let her in. She shuts the door and we just stand there staring at each other. I can't pull my eyes away from her, I want to, but I can't.

"I thought you were leaving for Erudite because I had shut you out," I softly say.

"I wouldn't do that," Tris replies. "You are angry with me."

"I am," I admit.

"But it hasn't happened."

"No but you said that you thought you would go if it did. Even after reading these books. Do have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Tobias," Tris says as she reaches for my hand but I take a step back so that she can't touch me.

"You are the only person that I have let in. You are the only person that I love. You are the only person that I would die for. But it isn't enough for you," I say. There is no malice in my voice, just heartbreak.

"Do you have any idea what it is like to sit here day in and day out and listen to how much pain you are in? That the grief is eating you up. That I can't do a damn thing about it because I am acting like an asshole towards you. It is killing me Tris," I whisper the last sentence as I slump to the floor.

"But it hasn't happened," Tris says. "It doesn't have to happen. We can stop this."

"Can we?"

"If we want to, yes, I believe we can," Tris says confidently. "Tobias you have to stop blaming yourself for everything that is happening to us in the book. We have both made mistakes. Big ones. I'm sure we are going to make more."

"But this is more than that. You said that you would do it even now, with all the information we have. With how you know how I feel about you. I thought you felt the same way. But I don't see it, I'm not feeling it."

"I don't want to lose you," I say.

"Then stop acting like you already have," Tris says. "Because that is what it feels like right now."

"How do you expect me to do that? If this was just about the book then maybe I could," I say as I push past her and open the door.

"Four," Zeke shouts. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Lucky the bathrooms right there for you then," I snap as I storm past everyone.

"Ha ha, you are so funny today," Zeke says sarcastically.

"Are you alright?" Zeke asks as he catches up to me. "You don't seem okay."

"I don't want to talk about it Zeke," I state.


"Are we all good?" Will asks, looking directly at me. I am sitting on one of the bean bags. I can't be that close to Tris right now. I nod my head.

"I think you can start reading again," Eric replies.

For a second after my feet touch the wood floors, and I stand before the giant portrait of Jeanine Matthews hung on the opposite wall, no one notices me, not even the two Dauntless traitor guards milling around near the entry-way. I walk up to the front desk, where a middle-aged man with a bald patch on the crown of his head sits, sorting through a stack of paper. I set my hands on the desk.

"Excuse me," I say.

"Give me a moment," he says without looking up.

"No."

"You tell him, Tris," Uriah says.

At that he looks up, his glasses askew, scowling like he's about to chastise me. Whatever words he was about to use seem to stick in his throat. He stares at me with an open mouth, his eyes skipping from my face to the black sweatshirt I wear.

In my terror, his expression seems amusing. I smile a little and conceal my hands, which are trembling.

"I believe Jeanine Matthews wanted to see me," I say. "So I would appreciate it if you would contact her."

He signals to the Dauntless traitors by the door, but there is no need. The guards have finally caught on. Dauntless soldiers from the other parts of the room have also started forward, and they all surround me, but don't touch me, and don't speak to me. I scan their faces, trying to look as placid as possible.

"Divergent?" one of them finally asks as the man behind the desk picks up the receiver of the building's communication system.

If I close my hands into fists, I can stop them from shaking. I nod.

My eyes shift to the Dauntless coming out of the elevator on the left side of the room, and the muscles in my face go slack. Peter is coming toward us.

"Are you kidding me?" Eric groans. "How does Peter keep finding himself in the right place at the right time. He is such a snake."

"How did you not notice this during initiation?" I ask.

"We did," Max replies, "but we thought he would stay faithful to us. Obviously, the only person he is faithful to is himself."

A thousand potential reactions, ranging from launching myself at Peter's throat to crying to making some kind of joke, rush through my mind at once. I can't decide on one. So I stand still and watch him. Jeanine must have known that I would come, she must have chosen Peter on purpose to collect me, she must have.

"We've been instructed to take you upstairs," says Peter.

"He must be enjoying this," Lynn says. "I hope we get the chance to kill him."

I mean to say something sharp, or nonchalant, but the only sound that escapes me is an assenting noise, squeezed tight by my swollen throat. Peter starts toward the elevators, and I follow him.

We walk down a series of sleek corridors. Despite the fact that we climb a few flights of stairs, I still feel like I am plunging into the earth.

I expect them to take me to Jeanine, but they don't. They stop walking in a short hallway with a series of metal doors on each side. Peter types in a code to open one of the doors, and the traitor Dauntless surround me, shoulder to shoulder, forming a narrow tunnel for me to pass through on my way into the room.

"How many people have they got with you?" Zeke asks. "It seems like a lot of people for just Tris."

"I think everyone has always underestimated Tris. Jeanine isn't taking any chances this time," Eric says.

The room is small, maybe six feet long by six feet wide. The floor, the walls, and the ceiling are all made of the same light panels, dim now, that glowed in the aptitude test room. In each corner is a tiny black camera.

I finally let myself panic.

"FINALLY?" Uriah shouts. "Really Tris? What the hell were you thinking going there?"

"I was thinking of Marlene, Uriah," Tris responds with tears in her eyes.

I look from corner to corner, at the cameras, and fight the scream building in my stomach, chest, and throat, the scream that fills every part of me. Again I feel guilt and grief clawing inside me, warring with each other for dominance, but terror is stronger than both. I breathe in, and don't breathe out. My father once told me it was a cure for hiccups. I asked him if I could die from holding my breath.

Everyone has a small laugh at this.

"What's so funny?" Tris asks.

"You really thought you would die from holding your breath?" Eric asks.

"I was seven Eric," Tris snaps.

"No," he said. "Your body's instincts will take over, and force you to breathe."

A shame, really. I could use a way out. The thought makes me want to laugh. And then scream.

I curl up so I can press my face to my knees. I have to make a plan. If I can make a plan, I won't be so afraid.

But there is no plan. No escape from deep in Erudite headquarters, no escape from Jeanine, and no other escape from what I've done.

"Looks like you are starting to regret your decision Tris," Christina says.

Tris just shrugs.

"That's the end of the chapter," Will says.

"Dinner time," shouts Uriah.