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Chapter 28
TRIS
I should have known. I should have known he would do it again. What was I trying to accomplish, running away and letting my problems solve themselves out. If a team beats another with an unique game plan, they will do it again and again as long as the conclusion in their favor.
And in Peter's case, it is power. That is one thing camp wanted me to understand. Rape is never explainable and there is never a real reason behind such cruel viciousness. But there is one thing they have in common. Power. All Peter wants is power, and he will do what he feels necessary to attain that power. No matter the consequences. And up until this point, the consequences have not been negative. Until now.
Her name is Kylie, and her life was an innocent one. That life is no longer now. It is scarred, a lash of atrocity staining the part in the brain that holds memories.
Every day I check. Check for an update, a word, a phrase, something that will tell me more.
My obsessive checking is often paid off, new information trickling in. She's a college student, just like Peter, and they met at a party. And that is where it happened. The beginning of a nightmare; only this one, there is no escaping.
I know, my nightmare is still happening. And hiding in the light does not help. Bright lights create demeaning shadows, and darkness flourishes in those shadows. Waking does not bring salvation, the real world can be just as hard as one created in one's mind.
I've always been told standing up to him will crush the demons that haunt me, but I can't bring myself to believe them. I think seeing another person do it themselves will help me see what is real and what is not. And if that is cowardly, then I am a coward. I am. Cowards run from their fears, hide away and let others deal with the repercussions.
There is only one thing that tells me I did something right. I little shred of proof that I am not completely a coward. And she is in New York, with a different family. I think about her all the time. I see her in the roses on display in the florist shop on the way to school. I hear her in the simple laughs that come from the park.
I was only with her for a moment, just long enough to absorb her little presence. Because that is what life is made up, the little moments. The little moments that build up to the big ones. Large and small, they line our lives making us who we are.
I sit on the cold bench. It is hard and uncomfortable, but I will learn to deal with it soon enough. I don't look up, even when I feel Tobias and Tori slide down next to me. I begin to twirl my mother's ring around and around. It entrances me; the light catching the diamond, reflecting and refracting the light, creating new streaks in the air.
They call him in, and it is only then that I decide to sneak a peek.
His hair is combed clean, a black and white suit falling on him. No other colors, just the sharp contrast of black and white. Just like him.
Tobias takes my hand. I hold his, firmly. I straighten in my seat, determined to hold myself up with my own strength. That's when I see him. He is sitting behind the defendant's chair. He sits on the edge of his seat; the sun that streams in through the windows bounce off his bright blue shirt. Caleb.
I avert my eyes away from that part of the room for the rest of the day.
Before I know it, the judge dismisses the court for the day. Instinctively, I wait for the room to clear out, letting everyone else leave before I part with the bench I have made deceptively comfortable. Once a majority of the people leave, the three of us stand and make our way out of the court, my hand still in Tobias'.
We push open the doors into the lobby. There are many groups, almost large enough to call crowds, formed around the room. The largest one is right next to the exiting door, and Peter is at the eye of its storm.
There is no way of getting out without passing him, so I swallow the lump forming in my throat and begin to leave. I glance at Peter for only a moment and he sends me a devilish grin. But his eyes tell a different story. They are like a reminder of what he did to me, like I need a reminder.
But his eyes say something else. They say, remember what I got away with doing to you, and I am going to do it again. I quicken my pace and soon enough I am outside, the brisk air wrapping around me sending new shivers down my spine.
Then, a venomous voice calls out, "Tris!"
I freeze in my step, and I feel Tobias' hand unclasp mine, only to wrap his whole arm around me. He gives me a squeeze.
I turn, and I am met with Peter's face. "What?"
"Woah, just saying hi."
"I don't want to talk to you." I can't see my eyes, but I know they hold hell's fire in them, hatred rimming the sides.
"Come on," he says with a smirk and scans the crowd. "You know, Caleb is here somewhere, I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing his sister..."
"I don't want to see him." I say quickly.
"Damn, someone's testy."
"Just leave us alone." Tobias says, and Peter looks at him for the first time. Tobias is slightly taller than him, but they are both equally strong.
"Who's this?" His voice gets softer, "You cheating on me?"
I feel Tobias tighten and his grip on me firms. I grab his other hand, afraid it will fly. This fight is between Peter and me. I whisper to Tobias, "It's not worth it."
Peter gives me a look, then miraculously he walks away back up the stairs. Right when I think he's gone, I feel him behind me again. His voice softly travels through the cold air. "Just remember, you'll always be my girl."
Tobias' elbow jerks back, making contact with Peter's chest. This sends him tumbling back up the stairs, feet flying in the air.
"Didn't see you there, man," Tobias loudly says. We have attracted the attention of the people around us. "You shouldn't stand so close behind people when they walk."
I look up at Tobias, and he looks at me. I am afraid I am about to break, but his eyes are my concrete. I am steady for only a moment—long enough to give me the strength to walk away.
But I don't walk away.
I run.
If I sit here for a minute longer, I will slam my head into the bench in front of me.
Peter sits in the witness chair, giving his testimony. And it makes me sick. Not just watching him sit there all smug and lie to the court. But looking around and seeing the jury and the people sitting in the court room believing him.
I tell Tobias I need some air and run out. Right before I close the door, I catch a glimpse of him. Looking at me. I swallow some bile threatening to come up and make my way to the bathroom to splash my face with water. As I make my tread across the marble floor, I see Kylie sitting on the bench right outside the court room.
I walk next to her. "Good luck." I say.
She looks at me; a haunted, scared look in her eyes. "Thanks."
"If it makes you feel better, I believe you and I'm rooting for you. I don't fall for his act."
"And who are you?"
"My name's Tris. Peter, he's my brother's friend, but I hate him and I know he did those horrible things to you, whatever the evidence says."
"Why? Everyone else thinks I'm a goody-two-shoes trying to stay out of trouble and blame it on someone else."
"I don't believe that." I sigh, "I knew Peter, I know him. I know he is capable of doing terrible things. So go out there, and you take that bastard down. Make them believe you... I do."
"I appreciate it." She says.
"Ms. Evans," a court officer says, "it's time. You're being called."
One of the detectives who arrested Peter, stands next to Kylie rubs her arm. "You can do this. You won't regret it."
"I'm still waiting to believe you." Kylie tells her.
That doesn't make me feel good, and now I am really beginning to feel my lunch come up. I begin a dash towards when I hear my name called and a touch on my shoulder.
"What?" I say with a small jump. I turn and see the detective who was with Kylie.
"Hey, I'm Marissa. I just wanted to talk to you."
"If it's about me knowing Peter, you're wasting your time. I don't want to talk about it; I've been trying to forget his entire existence."
"Sounds like he hurt you?"
"He did more than hu—" but I stop myself.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I just... don't want to talk about it. Especially with someone I don't know." She gives me a look.
She knows.
"Alright, but if you ever feel like talking about it, give me a call. Okay?" She reaches out her hand, a card on the end. I tentatively grab it.
"Don't be waiting by the phone."
"And don't you be afraid of him. We'll get him, and he won't hurt you." I don't look at her. She has to know, she wouldn't be doing this if she didn't think. She is a detective for crying out loud. I begin to walk away, a thank you thrown behind me. I hear her say, "Be brave, Tris."
I make it back to my seat right as Kylie takes hers. But her seat is in a much scarier place.
The prosecutor stands, approaching Kylie. "Tell me about your school life."
"I'm a chemical engineer major, and I am minoring in chemistry. I have a job, and with work and school, I don't have much time to party. I'm a little reserved, too. I normally spend a lot of time in the lab."
"But you were at the party that night?"
"Yes. Exams were over, and all my friends from high school, including myself, were home for holiday break. We were invited to the party. We thought it would be fun." She looks down, "Like I said, I don't get out much and exams were over; I thought going would be a nice break."
"Okay, now you went to the party, and that is where you met the defendant?"
"Yes. He was at the party."
"Explain to us what happened when you got there."
"Umm, my friends and I, we got there, and we saw some people that we knew next to the mini-bar in the corner so we went up to them. Peter was behind the bar making a few drinks. He was loud, defiantly spoke his mind, and obviously a ladies man.
"He tried to flirt with us, and some of my friends took the bait. He's a big football star, and he used that well, trying to get all the girls to swoon over him. I wasn't interested. I'm not really into the jock all-brawn-no-brains with a little comm degree. And I have a boyfriend."
"Yet he pursued?"
"Yes, he kept trying to get me to dance with him. But I stuck close to my friends and, eventually after having a few drinks, I began to let loose a little. That's when Peter started to linger more. He kept getting closer and closer and soon he was feeling me up. It was then that I decided I wanted to leave."
"What did you do next?"
"I tired to find my friends, but I couldn't. I was searching the house, I even went outside and looked, but I couldn't find them. I was upstairs, looking in a room when I felt a pair of hands grip my arms and throw me down. I looked up just long enough to see Peter's face when he slapped me."
"What did he do next?"
"He pinned me down, he's a lot stronger than me, and he began to feel me up and rip at my clothes. He kept saying I wanted it and I was only ignoring him to get his attention and there is nothing and no one he can't get.
"I started kicking, and I did manage to kick him hard in the stomach, but that only made him more angry. He punched me in the jaw, and immediately I felt a knife on my throat. He ran the blade down my body, nicking different parts of my skin."
When she says this, I stop breathing. A knife? A knife?! I begin to feel myself hyperventilate. I cannot breath, the walls are closing in, the room is a burning inferno. The room spins, making it even harder to think straight. I feel an arm wrap around me, trying to lift me back. But the life preserver trying to lift me from drowning does not help.
I go blank, my eyes glossing over. My mind, normally a sponge absorbing everything around me, turns to a rock resisting a harsh external environment. The only thing I focus on is my breathing, afraid it will stop if I don't think about it.
I don't hear nor comprehend the rest of the testimony, and the next thing I know, Kylie is walking down.
I turn to Tobias. "What happened?"
"After the knife part?" I nod my head, "She told about the rest of the rape and then the defense ripped her to shreds."
Of course they did, Peter is rich. Money like that can buy lawyers who only know victory. "What'd they say?"
"They tried to make it look like she was drunk and embarrassed and blaming the whole thing on Peter."
"That's ridiculous, the jury can't believe that?"
"They made the case convincing."
I don't know what to say, so I don't. In our silence, the prosecutor and Peter's lawyer give there final arguments. The whole time Please believe her, please believe her... Please don't fall for his act races round and round through my mind. I pray so incredibly hard for justice to prevail.
Please.
Please...
The jury leaves the room, off to make a decision that can either be wonderful or horrible. Many people leave the room, including myself. I need to breath, get out of the stuffy room. Tobias offers to come out with me, but I insist on being on my own. I can't depend on him for everything.
It's colder outside the court room, compared to the stuffy box that is normally stuffed with people. It's a high profile case, and there is a lot at stake. Many people want to know every detail.
I trail off to the corner. I turn and look at the room around me. My eyes cross the room, taking in everything and breaking it down. At first, I don't see him, but his green eyes hold so much wonder they're hard to miss.
I decide it's finally time to speak to him. But as I take each step closer to him, I begin to regret it.
"Do you still not believe me?" I spit at him.
"Seriously, Tris. I'm not going to do this with you." Caleb replies.
"Why? Because I'm a shame to the family, because it's more convenient to face an easy lie than a difficult truth."
"Well..." He puts a hand through his hair.
"Shit."
"What?"
"I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around it. The fact that you think it's easier to see your sister as a liar than your friend. You think I would lie about something like that?!"
"Tris, just try to see it from my perspective..."
"From your perspective? Caleb, what about me? Have you even bothered thinking about what I went through? What I am still going through?"
"Tris..."
"Stop." I say, interrupting him, "For some reason, you think that I'm making it up, and that makes me sick." I can feel my eyes burn from the moisture filling. "I was 15. I went through it all by myself. Where do you think the nightmares came from?"
"It's not that bad when you..."
"No! Stop!" I bring my voice down to a whisper. "I know you heard my screams in the night. Hell heard the blood curdling screams that woke me up from nightmares."
"You can't blame that-" More excuses. Always excuses. And it makes me sick to the bone. No more backing down. No more conceding. I feel my defenses build.
"Shut up, just shut up!" I yell at him, "I... I can't keep talking to you. Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought. Hopeless and disappointing." I walk away without looking back.
The jury shouldn't take this long to make a decision. Peter is a monster, and he needs to be punished for his horrible deeds.
Finally, after much deliberation, the jury files back into the room. I try to interpret their faces, try to read the decision in their faces. The curve of a mouth. A twitch in an eye. A change in breath. Nothing.
The judge's voice travels through the silent room. "Will the defendant rise?"
Peter stands. The judge continues to the jury, "Have you come to a decision?"
"We have, your honor."
"And on the inditement of rape in the first degree, how do you find the defendant?"
"We, the jury, find the defendant... Not guilty."
A part of me breaks inside. Another part ruptures.
I don't know how to feel... I really don't. I really thought it was going to happen; Peter was going to get what he deserved. But it wasn't enough. That poor girl's bravery, wasted on that pathetic excuse of a life. I feel Tobias next to me, his arms wrapping around my body. He tries to speak to me, but I can't hear.
Almost mechanically, I rise. I can't stand being in the same room where 12 people didn't see a monster for who he is. My body moves before my brain can think. I do the one thing I can think of, because right now, I'm not thinking things through. I am acting.
As I walk out of the court room, I bump into Caleb. I am about to walk away when his voice cuts through the air, "I told you. I told you he didn't do it."
"Just because the jury said he was innocent, doesn't mean he is." I say in hushed tones. The room is crowded.
"You really aren't going to let this go, are you?"
"Do you even have to ask? Now, please leave me alone. I want to go."
"Tris, you have to know he's innocent. I mean, I was there and it wasn't rape. I-"
"Wait," I say slowly, carefully, full of rising anger, "You were... there?!"
"Well, I mean I was pretty out of it from the alcohol." He says like he is innocent. "Look, I know my best friend, he didn't do it."
I can't stand to hear another word come out of his mouth, I can't. I walk away, but he grabs my arm to keep me from going. He tries to say something, but I can feel the anger, hurt, and hate filling up inside me, and I need to find a way to calm myself down, before I do anything irrational.
It doesn't work.
I swing around and punch him in the face. Hard.
"Get the hell away from me! I fucking hate you!" I yell at him.
I can feel the eyes in the room on me, but I don't notice them. I turn and walk to her, because she needs to know; she needs to know what she did was not a waste. I walk up to Kylie, her family and the arresting officers next to her. I can hear their conversation.
"I'm sorry." One of the officers says. Kylie only nods.
"You're right," Kylie says, "I don't regret it. I'm glad I stood up to him, so at least someone will hopefully see him for what he really is."
I've never really believed people who say facing it makes you feel better. To me, facing Peter meant facing what happened, in a much more vivid way. Just watching him I could feel his hands clamp around my body, his mouth touching me, feel his hand slash the knife across my chest.
I was so afraid of reliving every moment, but the thing is, I already do that. As better as I am getting, as hard as I try to forget, as safe I think I am, I still have flash-backs. I still have to draw in my notebook because there is no more room in my brain for the horrible things that are already crammed in there.
I walk up to Kylie, catching her attention. I don't acknowledge the others, only her. "I still believe you, what ever the jury and the judge say."
"Thanks." She says, a defeated tone lining her words.
I reach for her arm, "No, I'm serious." I pause, looking down at my necklace, my scar that is under my clothes, and finally, my anklet. This is one of those moments when I act on instinct, not thought. "Thank you, for being brave enough."
"Umm, you're welcome Tris."
"No... You don't understand. There's a reason that... that I believe you."
"Yeah, he's your brother's friend."
"That's not the only reason." As I say this, I pull my shirt down, just so only she can see. The shock on her face says it all. She understands why I know. She knows what the scar means. I turn the the detectives, one being Marissa, standing next to her. "Officers, I would like to report a rape."
They both hold shock on their faces, but Marissa's eyes hold something warmer. She asks, "Okay, do you know who attacked you."
"Yes, I do." I clench my necklace. I think of my mother who always wanted me to be strong. I think of my friends who care about me. I think of Tobias, who loves me and who stands next to me no matter what. And finally, I think of my baby; her precious face reminding me that it wasn't a complete nightmare.
I turn and point to the monster of my nightmares. I do not raise my voice for the whole room to here. I say it soft, but stern. Because I am strong. And I am brave. "Him. Peter. He raped me."
I pronounce every syllable, every consonant with crispness and perfection. I take my jacket and rip it off, revealing the scar he placed on my body that dreadful night. "He raped me and he cut me."
The room is silent for only a moment. Then, like a huge tidal wave striking a beach, chaos erupts.
Author's Note
Sorry for the late update, again! I'm on vacation and my time has been spent at the beach and the pool. And internet hasn't been the best here. But I tried to get this up as soon as I could! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and what happened... Go Tris! Please review!
Be brave, everyone!
QUOTES
1). It's hard letting go; I thought I was finally at peace, but that feels wrong. –Sillhouetts, Of Monsters and Men, song
2). We don't have all the answers. We just have to live with the questions and find our way. –Castle, television show
There is one (movie) quote in this chapter.
