CHAPTER 29
A/N: This chapter contains a scene that may be very disturbing to some readers because of it's content but it is also a crucial part of the story. Please be advised of this and do not read if you are easily offended by something that most people would consider to be repulsive.
The next morning Hutch opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn't whenthe room tilted at a crazy angle around him. As he lay there debating on the wisdom of getting up, his rebellious stomach decided for him. He barely made it to the bathroom in time to fall to his knees, retching miserably as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the commode. When he finally stopped gagging, he started to lean his forehead against the cool surface of the seat until he smelled the offensive odor drifting up from the toilet bowl.
Shakily pushinghimself to his feet, he leaned heavily against the sink and looked in the mirror at his bloodshot eyes and the deep lines surroundingthe corners of his eyes. Looking around, he tried to place his surroundings, realizing after a moment of confusion that he was in the tiny apartment above Huggy's bar that the thin black man kept for his friends when they needed a place to crash if they were down on their luck or needed a place to sleep it off after having way too much to drink. Hutch definitely fit into the latter category.
Hutch looked down at his wrinkled clothes in distaste as he stumbled back into the other room. This apartment held both good and bad memories for the big blond. This was where Starsky had brought him and helped him to kick the heroin cold turkey but itwas also a haven where the two men had often spent the night after a long night of partying after a particularly rough case had been wrapped up. Hutch vaguely remembered his conversation with Huggy the night before and felt a pang of guilt. He had let Starsky down again by running out on him and heading for the bottle instead of staying and trying to work things out. He also felt guilty about the things he had said to Huggy. He knew the black man was just as concerned about Hutch as he was Starsky. He was a good friend to both of them and he shouldn't have treated him that way..
He knew that Starsky was still not himself. Huggy was right as usual. Starsky had every reason in the world to be angry at everybody, especially Hutch for giving up on him. Right now, it was Michael'sinfluence that was fueling the brunet's rage,even if he didn't realize it. The calmer, more rational parts of Starsky's personality still resided in the persona of Mike. Until allthe parts were successfully integrated back into one, Starsky's behavior was likely to remain hostile and unpredictable.
Without bothering to shave or wash up, Hutch let himself out of the apartment and left the bar through the back entrance, using the hidden key that only he and Starsky knew about to let himself out of the securely locked building. He climbed into his car and headed back to the clinic. It was time to deal with his hostile partner head on.
When he let himself into his room at the clinic, it was Mike that was there to greet him. He looked at the exhausted blond and smiled faintly. "Looks like you really tied one on last night. Feel any better?"
"No, not really." Hutch admitted, "It was a dumb ass thing to do and all I have to show for it is a hangover like you wouldn't believe."
"You never could handle your liquor as good as me, Blondie." Mike teased him.
"Oh, yeah? I remember you having a few nights of your own when you regretted it the next morning." Hutch said,with a thin smile.
"Yeah, and you were always there to get me though it with one of your obnoxious cures for my hangover."
"How come you remember things like that and the others didn't?" Hutch asked, with a puzzled frown, as he began to brew a pot of coffee.
"Because Richard never was the memory trace." Mike said , "I was. I hold of David's memories intact, both good and bad. And you're a big part of almost all of them."
"He is with me too." Hutch replied, "Sometimes it's hard to remember a time when Starsky wasn't with me. He's always been there…in one way or another."
"Even when you thought he was gone for good?"
"Especially then. Sometimes those memories were all that kept me going." Hutch said sadly. "And at other times, they hurt enough to make me want to blow my brains out."
"But you didn't. Why not?"
"Maybe because I was trying to punish myself because I blamed myself for not finding Starsky in time to save him."
"But in the end you did find him in time."
"When we went there that day, I still thought that I was looking for his body. I never dreamed that I'd find him alive."
"I think it's time to talk to Steve about putting us all back together again." Mike said somberly. "You need your partner back and he needs you, far more than he realizes."
Hutch turned to look at Mike's calm eyes. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly and said, "Tell me what happened to the little girl. I need to know before Starsky remembers so that I can help him when he does. You said it was something that would make him feel like a monster. What was it?"
"Are you sure that you're ready to hear anymore of the gruesome details?"
"As ready as I'll ever be. Tell me. For his sake."
"All right…but just remember, he wasn't himself at the time. Michael was the one in control of the body." Mike said, his warning quite clear. Hutch listened as he began his story. "After Judas and the others threw David in the Pit, nobody was allowed to go near him. He was left alone in the darkness to die. That was to be his punishment for killing one of the cult members. They didn't count on David learning to catch and eat anything that ventured near him, no matter how repulsive. Rats, bugs, maggots…even that unfortunate cat. Or to be so desperate for something to drink that he caught his own urine in his hands and drank it. He was far more animal at that point than he was human. The part of him that made him David Starsky had already been shattered into pieces and the rational part of his mind had shut down. Michael had taken over and wasn't willing to let go.
The girl was only six years old. She must have done something to displease Judas, so he had her beaten and had her thrown into the pit with David. Michael attacked her and killed her. Then he draggedher back into the shadows and left her lay there.
A couple of days later, he decided to eat her like he had done the rats. It didn't matter to him that she was a human being, to him she was just more food."
"My god…" Hutch muttered, a shudder running through him at the images that flooded his mind at Mike's story of the repulsive act that was so incomprehensible to most people.
"But then Michael decided to play games and he let David come out, just long enough to realize what he was doing. It was enough to drive him completely over the edge. That's when David retreated so far inside his own mind, that he never wanted to come out again. He wanted to die more than ever…so he did…emotionally and mentally. He let the others take over completely. That's the one memory that David doesn't want to remember. It's the one that could destroy him for good. That's what the others were trying so hard to protect him from."
"How am I supposed to help him deal witha memory like that?" Hutch asked in a baffled voice.
"The same way you always have…by being there…by being you." Mike told him. "Now, let's go find Steve and see what he can do about getting you and David back together."
