A Voice Cries Out

Chapter 29

"And then we saw this man and this lady, and they swinged on swings all the way up, prac'lly in the sky!"

"In the sky?!" JJ feigned astonishment.

"Yeah! And they didn't fall or anything! Can we get swings like that, Mom?"

"Henry…..what do you think?"

"I think I'm gonna ask Dad!"

JJ and her parents laughed at the six year old with dreams of triangulation. Sandy offered a little more information about their day at Circus Circus.

"Your dad took him to the midway to play games for a couple of hours while little Miss Rosie and I found a nice shady place outside for her to nap. Poor little thing was a bit stressed out by the clowns."

Reid completed his phone call and joined them in time to hear mention of clowns. He plucked his daughter from her grandmother's lap and lifted her up to his shoulder.

"Never mind, Rosie. It's perfectly understandable. Who ever thought it would be a great idea to paint grotesque features on a person's face, give them giant feet and hands, and have them chase children?"

JJ's brows went up. "Spence! All this time we've been together, and I'm just finding out you're afraid of clowns!"

He sniffed. "I didn't say I was afraid of them. I'm just sympathizing with my daughter."

"Right." Both women's voices shared the same tone of disbelief.

Henry wasn't dissuaded from his original plan. "Daddy, when we get home, can we get some swings?"

Reid's mouth started to shape the word 'sure', but he stopped when he caught something in his peripheral vision. It was JJ, her hand swinging back and forth over her head, triggering a response from a good number of his 187 IQ points.

"Er….we'll talk about it when we get home, okay, Buddy?"

Henry hadn't heard the word 'no', so he was satisfied. "Okay, Daddy!"

Charles drew near to Reid while Henry continued telling his mother about his many adventures with the rides and games at the casino.

"How did it go today?"

Reid knew the Jareaus had been alerted that the men who'd assaulted William had been apprehended and confessed, so he realized Charles was referring to William's status. And to the status of the father/son relationship.

Reid gave him a sanitized version. "Physically, he's doing better. It looks like he'll be discharged tomorrow. And…..we talked. For a quite a while, actually. But I'm not sure we got anywhere."

Charles knew better. "If you were still on speaking terms at the end of the conversation, you got somewhere. This is a journey will be made with baby steps, I'm afraid, Spencer."

Reid considered that a moment while he made faces at the young lady in his arms. "I guess maybe I should get some advice from Rosie, then. Right, Miss Rosie? You're a more recent expert in baby steps than I am."

She laughed at the face her father made and grabbed at his nose.

"Hey! Not so hard! I'm not a clown, you know!" Making her giggle all the more.

"Daddy, clown!"

Reid smiled at her and pulled her head down to his shoulder. He breathed in the soft baby scent of his daughter as he whispered, "I'll be your clown any day, my sweet little girl."


They had dinner together with the team, each of the godparents having a chance to bond with their charges over the kids' menu mac and cheese. Morgan went along indulgently as Garcia, via his cell, asked Henry to recount his entire day for them.

Hotch stifled a pang of longing as he watched Rossi and Emily playing with Rosie. He missed Jack every day he was away from him. But he especially missed the infant and toddler his son had been. I missed it even when it was happening. And now I'd give everything to turn back the clock to that time. For a host of reasons.

The rest of the team would be traveling home tomorrow, but the Reids would stay behind with the Jareaus. Although he had no plans to stay with William, Reid wanted to be sure his father was settled in. Then both he and JJ would do their best to use the next few days making their children feel like this had been a planned family vacation. And there was one more issue Reid had yet to resolve.

I need to decide if I'm still a son, and he's still a father.

As they bid each other goodnight and farewell, the rest of the team went for a rare night on the town, while Charles and Sandy retired to their rooms. Both claimed exhaustion from a full day at the casinos with the little ones. Reid helped JJ get the kids to their room, but then approached his wife apologetically.

"JJ…..would it be all right…..I just….I need…."

"I've got them, Spence. Do what you need to do." She knew him too well. If he hadn't asked, she would have suggested it.

"It's just…I just need to think." No matter that she was willing to be understanding, no questions asked. He wanted her to know.

"I know you do. And I mean it….I've got this. We'll do baths and find something on TV. Besides, they're so pooped, I'll bet they're out before the first commercial."

He hugged her as he kissed the back of her neck. "I seriously don't know how I lived my life without you."

She held him to her as she smiled up at him. "You're stuck with me, Dr. Reid."

"Uh-uh. I'm blessed with you. I won't be long, I promise."

She drew his face to her and kissed him on the lips. "Take whatever time you need. I'm not going anywhere. But, if I've fallen asleep, wake me up when you get back, okay?"

I need to know if you're all right. And I need to know what you've decided.

She didn't have to say it aloud. Her message was clear.

"I will."


Six billion years. Six billion years ago, there existed a star. It emitted its energy in the form of photons and light waves. And they've traveled six billion years through space and time, just to impact on my retina. Six billion years. Times…how many stars are there? We don't even know….too many to count. Six billion years. On the scale of the universe, I'm not even a speck. So why does this seem like such a huge thing?

He'd driven only as far as it took to let the city lights fade. Reid stood leaning against a boulder that dwarfed him in size, adding to his sense of unworthiness. His logical mind battled with his spiritual one. All he had to do was to decide if Henry and Rosie should meet William. Part of him knew that he could always just postpone the decision, begging off for reasons of the children's tender ages and William's current disability. But he knew it would only be that…a postponement.

I still need to decide. But I can't. I can't forget that I once let myself love him, only to be rejected. All right, maybe he didn't actually reject me. Maybe he meant what he said, and he just couldn't think clearly. For twenty years. Right? That can't be right, can it? What if I let the kids get to know him, and he hurts them, too? You have to admit, it's a possibility. Maybe he'll find them to be 'too much'. Maybe he'll let them get attached, and start to rely on him…and then he'll decide he's better off living his life without them. What then?

The little observer in the back of Reid's mind noted the relationship he'd developed…the one with the Entity he could never quite be sure existed. The one that allowed him to protest, to argue, even to whine…..all with the sense of assurance that there would still be a relationship. How do You do that?

Internally, Reid argued both sides of the issue.

I know, it will be different for them. They'll have JJ, and they'll have me. We won't let him hurt them. So, maybe that's a non-issue. Maybe I need to focus on what they'll gain.

He paused a moment, trying without success to drown a thought that wanted to surface.

All right, all right. I should think about what he might gain as well.

Reid closed his eyes so he could focus. The beauty of the heavenly display was trying desperately to distract him from his decision. But it didn't help. Having blacked out the visual grandeur, his mind refused to present anything to him except the final words shared by his father-in-law this morning.

"That it was all shades of gray. That a good man could fail. That evil is insidious. That none of us can accomplish anything on our own. I learned to be humble. I learned to seek out the strength in my wife, even when she felt at her weakest. I leaned on her…..and she leaned back on me….and we created a core that was firm enough to hold us together. But it would never have happened if I hadn't learned humility."

Charles leaned on Sandy, just like I lean on JJ. What if Dad tried to lean on Mom….and she bent? Her illness wouldn't let her hold them both together. If anything, it probably became something else leaning back on him.

He spent a long time on that, finally reaching a conclusion.

He couldn't stand up to all of it. Not without a partner. He didn't have it in him. But it didn't make him less of a man. Right? It only made him ordinary. He was expected to be extraordinary…..definitely by me….but he only had 'ordinary' in him. Can I hold that against him? Or should I hold it against You?

Years ago, if he could even have entertained the thought of himself having this conversation, Reid might have expected resentment to rise at this point. Blaming. Finding fault. But it wasn't. He was asking a sincere question, not really expecting an answer. And yet….

So, I can't hold it against him that he wasn't given whatever extraordinary gifts he needed to get through everything that was put before him. That's what You're telling me, right? But….what about the rest of us? Aren't we all put in situations without the strengths to get through them?

Reid's lightning quick mind was a phenomenon even when he shared his thoughts aloud. When they were held internally, it was an even faster process. And yet, even as he'd begun the thought, the answer had come to him.

I was, wasn't I? With Tobias Hankel. I was put into a situation that I couldn't handle. And I didn't handle it. I let it handle me.

Even almost a decade later, he was ashamed about his failure. And amazed by having overcome it.

But it didn't defeat me. Is that what You're saying? That I lost the battle, but not the war? Are You saying the same thing about my dad? Are You saying he's not the same? That he won't fail again?

As if in confirmation, Reid's mind created an image of Diana receiving flowers. Of Diana smiling. Of his parents uniting to explain to their son about his misconceptions. His mind presented him an image of William's hand on Diana's shoulder, ushering her into the police interrogation room, and Diana's quick smile of thanks. Followed by an image of..…nothing. William had been once again absent from his life after that all-too-brief interlude.

So, what, exactly, is the message here? That he might fail again? That's he's still human? As am I, I know. But I have too much to live for now. That's pretty good incentive not to screw it up again. I've been given too much. It would be ungrateful.

The final thoughts stuck with Reid. He had been given so much. His life had changed, in so many unexpected and wonderful ways. It had been the topic of many a backyard conversation with the heavens. And then, finally, it struck him.

My life changed because of JJ. And Henry, and then Rosie. And Charles, and Sandy. It's so full I almost don't recognize it sometimes. And my dad's life can change, can't it? It can be bigger, and fuller. But only if I share mine with him. It always happens through other people, doesn't it?

Reid tried to quiet his mind, to empty it of all thought. He focused his gaze on the Milky Way and tried to let himself become lost within it. It was a frequent, often futile, exercise for the genius. But, even in the times when he couldn't quite silence his thoughts, the process always opened something within. It did so this time, as well. He stayed another twenty minutes, then turned and got back into his vehicle. It was time to return to the other brightness in his life.


He slid his key card back out and turned the door handle, entering the room as quietly as possible. Reid took a few steps and then stopped, smiling at the sight of the three people he loved most in the world all asleep in his bed.

I'm still not sure I agree with You, but….okay. This is pretty convincing.

As though by instinct, JJ's eyes began to flicker open. "Hey…" she whispered.

"Hey. Don't wake up. I'll join you in a minute."

She yawned. "No…I'm awake. Seriously."

"Seriously, you were just out cold when I came in here."

Busted. JJ shrugged. "Okay, so I was asleep. But I want to know about you. Are you okay?"

Reid was already pulling off his shirt and tie. "I'm okay. We can talk in the morning."

JJ precluded that idea by slipping out of the bed. Reid noticed she was wearing an oversized Circus Circus T shirt.

"Where did you get that?"

"From the kids. They got you one, too."

He whisper-snorted. "Great, matching PJs."

"Shh! Henry was all excited about it!"

He chuckled. "Then I am, too."

She'd made her way over to him, and managed to wrangle her way into his arms. "So…..did you come up with anything?"

He gave her a wry smile. "Father O'Neill and I are going to have a long talk about this one. But… if you're okay with it….I think I'd like to introduce him to the kids."

Despite the traumas of her own childhood, JJ had been blessed with a strong parental figure, who'd helped her stay on course. She was much less apprehensive about the meeting than her husband was.

"I'm fine with it. But…..just so you know, Spence….I wouldn't have pushed. If it was something you didn't want…..you would never have heard about it again."

She'd tried to push him once before, and he hadn't been ready. Her statement was an apology as much as an assurance.

He bent down and kissed her. "I know that. And…..thank you. But it's okay. I think we have to try. And, if he's not the guy he professes to be now…well, we'll end it. And we'll make sure it doesn't hurt them."

JJ leaned up and deepened the kiss. "I don't think he'll fail us, Spence. But I'm with you if he does. We're a team now…..all of us."

Reid started to melt into her mouth before he remembered that the kids were in their bed.

"Do you think your parents would mind…."

She giggled as she pushed him away. "Hold that thought, Spencer Reid. Patience reaps its own reward."


The busyness of the day before showed itself in how late the kids slept in. Both Reid and JJ were up and dressed before either of the young ones stirred.

Reid purposely bounced the bed as he sat down next to Henry, who was stretching out both arms as he yawned.

"Well, finally! I thought I was going to have to watch cartoons all by myself!"

Henry gave a weary smile. "Grown ups don't like cartoons, Daddy."

"Are you kidding me? Since when? Some of the world's best contraptions are in cartoons."

Henry slowly propped himself up in the bed and looked around. "Rosie's still asleep."

JJ emerged from the bathroom with a cup of coffee. "Why don't you see if you can wake her up?"

Henry was up to the challenge. Mustering a full chest of air, he bent to his sister's ear and yelled, "ROSIE, GET UP!"

The toddler reacted by shifting her bum into the air and burying her head into her pillow. So her obliging big brother tried again, this time shaking her as he bellowed, "ROSIE, GET UP!"

A soft moan emerged from the lump in the middle of the bed before she rolled over onto her back and started to softly snore again. The other three Reids looked at one another and laughed.

JJ reached for her daughter. "I'll get her dressed. She'll wake up at breakfast."

The thought of breakfast woke Henry all the way up. "Mom, do they have chocolate chip pancakes here?"


They were off to a much later start than expected, prompting Reid to call ahead to the hospital. JJ listened in as she washed the syrup from Rosie's face.

"Really? Who? …..Oh, okay, then. Sure, thanks. And, please, thank all the doctors and nurses for us. They did a great job."

From that, JJ surmised that Reid didn't plan to be at the hospital today. "What is it? Is he all right?"

Reid was slow to respond, clearly still absorbing information. "He's discharged already. Someone came to pick him up."

"Really? Who?" JJ realized she was echoing her husband's words of a moment ago.

"Someone he works with. Dorothy Ricks."

JJ had to dig back into her memory. It had only been a few days, but so much had happened that it seemed a very long time ago. Slowly, the name swam to the surface of recognition. Emily had told her about the woman.

"Oh….she's the office manager, right? Emily thought she and your father were….close. As in, maybe Dorothy had a crush on him."

"Really?" Reid couldn't imagine William in a romantic relationship. He had trouble enough picturing his parents together.

"Yep. Emily said she seemed very fond of your dad. She was very upset when he was missing."

"Really." Still having trouble taking it in. Still….."Do you think she'll help him out at home? He seemed pretty worried about it."

Well, that would be an answer to prayer, thought JJ. "Maybe. So, should we skip it today? Or should we go to the condo?"

There was no question in Reid's mind. He couldn't live with indecision another day. "Let's go to the house. I don't think he'll mind."

And so, an hour and a half later, Reid rang the bell at his father's condo. The door was answered by a middle aged woman.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

Reid was holding Rosie, who had responded well to her dose of pancakes. "Hi!"

The woman couldn't help but smile. "Well, hi yourself, little one. Can I help you, sir?"

Reid watched as a look of recognition came over her face. Even without a formal introduction, the resemblance between himself and his father was beginning to strike Dorothy Ricks.

"Oh, you're his son, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm Spencer Reid. I was hoping we could stop by and see my father. Would that be all right?"

Dorothy seemed to realize the awkwardness of their positions. She was virtually serving as a moat between William and the outside world. But there was no need for a moat in this situation.

"Oh, of course! I'm sorry, please come in."

The two women introduced themselves to one another, and JJ introduced the children. As they were speaking, the group heard a soft voice coming from the direction of the living room. "Dorothy? Is everything all right?"

Henry started off in the direction from which the voice was coming, and Reid put Rosie down to do the same. The three adults followed the children into the living room. William was seated in a leather reading chair, his glasses and a book on the table beside him. Henry stopped short at the sight of the stranger in the chair, but an undeterred Rosie toddled over.

"Hi!"

There had never been a child in his condo before. William couldn't take his eyes from them, until he saw his son and JJ entering the room behind them. His eyes started the rapid blink that told the others he was fighting tears. He directed his words to his son.

"Are these….?"

Reid nodded. "Our children. Your grandchildren."

Very slowly, William's hand went to his mouth as his eyes widened. "They're….."

"This is Henry," said his mother, "and the little one wanting to climb into your lap is Rosie."

Reid realized his father was too weak to pick up his granddaughter. He moved forward and swept her up, depositing Rosie in William's lap.

"Hi!" the littlest blonde in the room repeated.

William struggled to find his voice. His eyes kept traversing the distance between his son and the little girl in his lap. Finally, he managed a word. "Hello."

"Hi!" Demonstrating that empathy ran upwards from the youngest in the family, Rosie reached out a small hand to touch William's cheek. Henry took the moment to plant himself in front of the older man who held his sister.

"I'm Henry. And this is my sister, Rosie." William realized the element of challenge in Henry's tone. The boy was protective of his sister.

"Hello, Henry. I'm….." Looking to Reid and JJ for guidance as to what he should be called. Reid stepped into the void.

"Henry, this is your grandfather. Your other grandfather. This is my father. His name is William."

Henry looked puzzled. In his more than six years he'd never had more than one grandfather. This was something entirely new. And cool.

"Hi, Grandpa!" Settling the issue of what he would be called.

"G'pa!" Echoed his sister.

William cleared his throat. "Hello, Henry. And little Rosie. I'm so happy to meet you."

Henry studied the man in the chair. "Are you sick?"

Reid answered for William. "He had a little accident, Henry. So he needs to take it easy. But he's getting better. Right, Dad?"

William nodded. "Better every day, Spencer. Especially now."

Henry was savvy enough to realize he was being told to be gentle with his grandfather. But he was also a planner.

"When you get better, can you play with me? Do you play baseball?"

William's eyes lit up. "You play baseball? Why, Henry, that's my favorite sport."

"Me too!" The youngest and oldest Reid men had found something to bond over.

"Me too!" echoed Rosie, who agreed with virtually everything her big brother said.

JJ tried to lower Henry's expectations. "Your grandfather had a pretty bad accident, Little Man. I'm afraid it will be a while before he's up to playing baseball."

William read the disappointment on his grandson's face. "Well that's true. But most of my time in baseball has been spent coaching. I don't need to be very strong to coach."

That excited Henry. "Really? Can we play now?"

Reid had been watching the entire exchange, trying to remember what, exactly, he'd been concerned about. His father and his son seemed to have already built a bond over their shared pastime, and Rosie had obviously won over William's heart just by being.

Okay, I get it. You want me to stop overcomplicating things, because, really, it's all simple. We just have to choose it. 'Love' is a verb, isn't it? We choose it, and we do it. And then we grow into it.

Reid started to enter back into the earthly conversation, but he had one more thought to direct elsewhere. If You didn't want me to overthink things, why did You give me an IQ of 187?


He brought them all along this time. Charles and Sandy Jareau joined Reid, JJ and the kids on the evening excursion into the desert. Reid wanted to share it with all of them.

"Where are we going, Daddy? Are there rides?" Henry had begun to think of Las Vegas as one big amusement park.

"No, Henry, no rides. But there is something amazing where we're going. Wait until you see."

"Is it big? Bigger than our car? Bigger than our house?"

"Bigger than all of it, Little Man. Bigger than anything you can think of."

"Wow!"

Little Miss Echo chimed in as well. "Wow!"

The others laughed, and then Charles voiced a question.

"So, it went well?"

Reid's eyes broke contact with the road long enough to meet his father-in-law's in the mirror. "It went fine. Better than I could have hoped."

"Are you content, Spencer?"

Not 'satisfied', or 'happy'….but, 'content'. Both Charles and Reid knew that contentment belonged in the gray area.

Reid thought a long moment. "Content. That's a good word. Yes, I guess I am."

They'd arrived. Reid and JJ got out first and spread a few blankets on the ground, JJ planning to keep an eye out for any Hadrurus arizonensis. Once they were set, the others joined them on the blankets.

"All right," said Reid, "Close your eyes. It will help them adjust to the darkness. I'll tell you when it's good to open them."

He put one hand each over Henry's and Rosie's eyes, certain that neither would be able to follow his direction. When he was satisfied with their adjustment, he took his hands away and had the others open their eyes.

"Okay, you can look now. Open your eyes and look up."

His father had been right. It was the most amazing thing Henry had ever seen. The sky was filled with light, all coming from the sky. He'd visited his father's backyard chapel many times, but he'd never seen anything like this. The heavens was glowing with starlight and, every so often, a meteor blazed across the void.

"Wow!" He said again. And, again, Rosie echoed, "Wow!"

"Oh, my God, Spencer. This is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful." There had been very little light pollution in the farm country where Sandy Jareau had raised her family. But she'd been a homebody, and never taken advantage of the night sky.

"Reminds me of some very early mornings on the farm. But I don't think I've ever quite seen the Milky Way like this. Thank you, Spencer." Charles laid a hand on his son-in-law's shoulder.

"It's amazing, isn't it? As many times as I've seen it, it never ceases to take my breath away. Did you know that some of that light is six billion years old….." He proceeded on a virtual soliloquy of the age of the universe, and the wonder of it being observed by humans, ending with, "It makes everything on earth seem so small."

Charles heard him. "Especially our problems."

Reid nodded. "Mom knew. I didn't realize it at the time, but, before she died, she wrote me a letter. And it basically told me to put everything in perspective, to take hold of my life and live it. I never thought I could actually do that, but….well, if asking you for JJ's hand wasn't an example of that, I don't know what is."

They all laughed, before Reid continued. "She gave me more advice. She said I should 'Be engaged with life. Read the great stories. Gaze upon fine art. Listen to beautiful music. Explore the night sky.' Now, I can't help but wonder if some of that wasn't meant for my father as well."

"It sounds like your mother was a very wise woman, Spencer. In spite of everything."

Reid nodded. "That, she was. Because of everything."

It was Charles' turn to nod. "So, does that mean you've decided? Will you keep in touch with your father?" He kept his voice low, so the children wouldn't hear the exchange over their own 'oohs' and 'ahhs'.

Reid gave an indeterminate nod. "We'll see. I can't take a chance with the kids, so if he wavers, we're done. But, for now…..he'll plan a visit during the summer, when Henry is out of school. They want to play baseball together."

Charles studied his son-in-law. "Okay, so that's how Henry feels. What about his father?"

Reid was grateful for Charles ignoring the biological disconnect between himself and Henry. "I don't know. I guess it's a thing with fathers and sons. Henry's baggage is all about Will. Mine is about my dad. It will take me a while to unpack it, I think."

"But you're willing to begin the process?"

"I'm willing to acknowledge that it's a process, and yes, I'm willing to give it a go. He can't hurt me now, and I'll make sure he doesn't hurt the kids."

"That doesn't sound like you're all that engaged, Spencer."

"I'm cautiously engaged. Really, Charles…..Dad….I'm trying." For the first time since he'd become a part of the Jareau family, Reid wondered what it might be like to have two fathers.

"But not hoping?"

"He's disappointed me enough. I'd have to be a fool not to enter into this with my eyes wide open."

Charles nodded, acknowledging the wisdom in Reid's approach. "He and I had a few minutes together at dinner the other night. For what it's worth, Spencer…..I had the sense that he is enormously grateful for your willingness to try. He commented several times that he'd never expected to have another chance at being part of a family. He was pretty much resigned to a life alone."

From long habit, Charles' recounting of his conversation with William began to summon a familiar cloud of resentment in Reid.

It was his own fault he didn't have a family. Don't feel sorry for him.

The words almost escaped Reid's mouth. But then….Charles' final quote from William began to resonate in the young genius. 'He was pretty much resigned to a life alone.' They were words that Reid had said to himself, time and time again, usually when he was trying to convince himself that it didn't matter. That he was used to being alone, that he could do it for a lifetime. They were a part of his not-so-distant past, and hearing them brought him back to that prior time.

He'd already loved JJ and Henry then, but he hadn't dared hope. Hadn't felt deserving. Hadn't taken the chance to tell them. Ironically, it had been a not-so-gentle push from his mother, in her final letter to him, that had given him the courage to make that life more than a wishful dream. He remembered the loneliness before, and the fulfillment after. His life was very full now. Maybe he could afford to be generous.

Reid thought back to those words from his mother once again. 'Life is meant to be lived in relationship….it's the whole, the only, point.' Maybe she meant them for his father as well. Maybe she meant it for both of the men in her life, in reference to each other.

Okay, Mom. If you say so. You steered me right once…..for which I will be forever grateful. I'll try it again. For you. Maybe for him. Definitely for me.

The desert was chilly at night, and they wouldn't be able to stay much longer. Reid spent a final few moments huddled with his family on their blanket. Surrounded by the wild, unrestrained beauty of the universe, he held his mother's memory in his mind and heart, and everyone else he loved in his arms.

Rosie reached up a tiny hand to brush her father's cheek.

"Daddy crying?"

He smiled at her. "Daddy's not crying, Baby Girl. He's just overflowing."

FINIS


A. N. If you've made it all the way to the end of this story, thanks for your patience. For a variety of reasons, I was unable to keep up with my usual pace of posting. And if you've sent along your thoughts and comments, a thousand thanks-they always keep me going.

Without input, I can't tell if the general silence about this story reflected a dissatisfaction with the quality of the storytelling, or a saturation with this version of the Reid/Jareau clan. Shall I confine their further adventures to the innards of my computer?

'Til we meet again….