AN- Well, aren't I good...two chapters so close togetherXD For the remainder of this chapter, I am going to be cowering behind the sofa.
* places tissues and weapons on the table *
This chapter has probably been the hardest to write, because there was so much small detail that had to be gotten perfect or explained. I'm hoping this will answer a lot of questions for a lot of you.
Chapter 30 is bullet pointed an on my to do list. I do have to chase up my placement for university, so that's just above 30. But I do know how this story ends, the final scene is already written XD aren't I good...
A huge, huge, HUGE thank you to Quiet Time for well...EVERYTHING. Here it is girl...it's been plaguing us for so long!
To Rietta, because it's her Birthday and I just wanted to say 'THANK YOU' for everything and anything you've done, your amazing.
Let me know what you think. Xx Enjoy!
Chapter 29- Anyone can hurt someone they love, hearts will break.
Thirty minutes later they arrived at outside Ianto's (their) apartment block. The walk back having taken an extra fifteen minutes because on an unscheduled stop for a hot kissing session against a lamppost on Penarth Road.
"Fuck." Jack breathed. "I've not been this hard in months." The heat of Jack's breath danced across Ianto's neck as he struggled to unlock the outer door, driving the Welshman wild.
"That's good." Ianto panted "M…means the sex will be extra hot and steamy."
"Oh, Yeah," the American leaned closer so Ianto could see the sexy smirk on his face. "But it's always extra hot with you, Jones."
"Yes!" Ianto gasped, as he managed to get the key in the lock to turn it. They fell through, laughing breathlessly as the door swung open, admitting them to the building. Ianto cast his eyes to Jack, then glanced at the stairs and the lift in question.
"Lift." Jack smiled. "I don't think either of us can walk with these." he nodded down at their solid erections. "Besides..." he smirked dirtily "Do you still have that stopwatch?"
Ianto nodded dumbly, all the blood from his brain pooling south in his groin as he remembered the sort of activities Jack got up to with the stopwatch around. "But it's upstairs."
"I was going to see how long it could take for me to get you off," Jack explained, grinning at the fleeting expression of disappointment on Ianto's face. "But I suppose, as long as you're done before the lift reaches the floor..." Jack smirked wickedly and lunged for Ianto again.
The Welshman sagged against the doors as his lover began an unrelenting assault on his neck. "They'll open any second," he gasped.
Jack paused only long enough to mutter "So?" before resuming his assault.
"Don't let me fall" Ianto implored.
"Never." Jack hissed-and that definitely meant more than the obvious.
Moments later Jack had Ianto gasping and clutching at him as he worked him to orgasm using nothing but his mouth. Kisses rained down on the Welshman's neck sucking, leaving red little marks peppered amongst the pale flesh and soothing nips as he went. The door pinged. Ianto swayed slightly as the support vanished from behind his back, but Jack clutched him close then walked them backwards, until the lift wall connected with Ianto's back. Ianto let Jack pin him to yet another wall as the American continued his ministrations.
"Oh Jack." he gasped as he managed to thump the button for the 12th floor. "So close."
"Mmm" Jack murmured "I can feel." As he spoke, his slid his hand to the front of Ianto's jeans and began palming him just the way the Welshman liked, remembering what Ianto enjoyed and what got him to come quickest. A primal cry tore from Ianto's throat as he bucked into Jack's hand.
"C'mon blue eyes." he whispered "Come for me." As Jack finished speaking, he sped up the palming and bit on the skin, where the Welshman's neck met his shoulder.
As the lift slid gracefully to a stop, Jack gave an expert twist. Ianto cried out as he came in time with the arrival bell. "Jack!"
Jack pulled back and beamed as he watched his beloved Welshman come undone against him. "God, I'm good." he praised himself.
Still in the midst of his orgasm, Ianto barely noticed as Jack guided him out of the lift, supporting him the entire way. Jack held him close and rocked slightly as Ianto came down from his high, sagging against the American. Once he was sure the Welshman had enough of his bearings, Jack let him stand unaided, still holding him close.
Ianto raised his head and kissed Jack tenderly, conveying everything he was too afraid to say, before opening the door and admitting them both.
They stumbled through the apartment holding each other tightly, sweet, chaste kisses passed between them, gentle, reassuring and caring. Even with his eyes closed, Jack could still find his way to the master bedroom in the flat, despite having not set foot in the apartment for nearly half a year. They passed through the open bedroom door and Jack kicked it shut, refusing to let go of Ianto. The impact as the back of the Welshman's knees hit the side of the bed caused Ianto to pull back and look Jack in the eyes.
"Are we sure this is wise?"
"I think we both know it's a fucking stupid idea, Bean, but I'm so damned hard right now that I don't see that knowledge as a reason to stop."
Ianto ducked his head "I don't think I can stop...let alone ask you to stop."
"Me either." Jack agreed.
"Oh good." Ianto murmured. He knelt on the bed and ran his fingers over Jack's shirt, unbuttoning several buttons as he went, before running his fingers over the smooth chest. Jack nuzzled his neck until Ianto raised his head enough for Jack to place gentle butterfly kisses on his lips. The Welshman smiled into the kisses then gave a quick tug, and fell back onto the bed with Jack on top of him.
"Mmm, this is familiar." Jack teased.
"Yeah." For long minutes they kissed lightly, murmuring nonsense to each other. After a few moments of tantalising kisses Ianto started pushing Jack's shirt off his shoulders and running his fingers over his skin, caressing and planting kisses and nips and soothing them away with gentle words and touches. The kissing became more and more passionate and hands removed clothing frantically as they moved together.
Ianto stretched an arm out to fumble in the bedside drawer. His roaming hands located the bottle of lube and placed it on the bed. His hand shook slightly as he reached back in, grabbed the item he sought and offered it up to Jack.
The American ceased his assault on Ianto's neck and gazed at the square foil in his husbands hand. His brain began to deny it immediately, knowing what it must signify but not wanting to admit it.
Jack shook his head. "Ianto, I've not been with anyone else."
The Welshman could feel his cheeks flame. Jack sat back, straddling Ianto's legs as the realisation sank in. "Oh...you...who?" the question burned the back of Jack's throat.
Ianto dropped his eyes. "Just some guy."
"Oh...I..." the American pushed himself away from him and then blinked. "You didn't know the guy's name? That's not like you."
Ianto paled. "Well...I did. I do...but...promise me you won't hate me...or him for that matter."
"Why would I? I mean, I'm shocked...and maybe a little angry, but we're not technically together." A wave of jealousy swamped Jack brain regardless. Jealousy and dread. "Unless….unless you're gonna tell me it was Adam..."
Ianto fell silent and glanced to the floor.
"Oh, Ianto...please tell me you didn't."
"I can't," Ianto whispered. "I wish I could"
Jack turned abruptly away from the Welshman, unable to look at him. Adam had made it clear in Uni that he'd wanted Ianto. When Ianto and Jack had gotten together and become exclusive, he'd stopped trying to seduce the Welshman...well almost, it was around the time Jack's parents died in his second year that Adam finally stopped. Anger flared in the American. He could have handled Ianto sleeping with anyone...anyone but fucking Adam Smith!
"Fucking hell Ianto. Adam! Really? You could have anyone in the world, but you choose the one who'd hurt me most...What were you thinking!"
"I wasn't!" Ianto cried, "and you can't hold it against me! You said it yourself. We weren't together! And you can hardly talk! You snogged him in the lift!"
"Somehow a kiss doesn't seem as bad as shagging him! And I never denied kissing him or hid it from you!"
"You didn't need to, I got the live show!"
"Ianto…I would have told you anyway. If we were getting back together, I would have told you. But...I mean...hell Ianto, I thought it was over completely..."
Ianto sighed. "Yeah. I thought I'd lost you too."
After a moment of awkward silence, Ianto continued. "You left me. You filed for dissolution. I felt like shit. Can you really blame me for turning to someone else?"
"It's not about you shagging someone," Jack said defensively. "It's about you shagging Adam!Fucking hell, you know how he feels about you."
"How he used to feel about me," Ianto corrected. "And you can't get on your high horse about Adam, I know you don't like him...but if you don't like him that much, why did you kiss him?"
"I don't have an excuse for kissing him. I was drunk and emotionally unstable...but it's not an excuse, I accept that, I was pissed and a small part of me was working towards forgiving him...you know, for trying to split us up so much in Uni. I was growing up and getting over it and now this! Forgive me, if I'm not so good on the forgiving."
"So, what, you can be flighty and shit when we're together but I can't be with Adam because of something he did ten years ago!"
"I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU!" Jack thundered, tears behind his eyes. "Why do you think I would!"
Ianto was quiet, his head still down unable to meet Jack's eyes. "You've done it before. Not to me, but…to Tallulah...with me..."
Jack felt his temper flare again but stamped it down. "I was young, stupid and naïve...are you really gonna hold that against me?"
Ianto leaned back and looked at him. "We'd been on four dates and you hadn't broken up with her. I wouldn't have minded if you'd explained it to me...what was going on in your head...but you didn't."
The American sighed "I didn't know, okay? I'd never had strong feelings for a guy before I met you. Then I realised that what I felt for her was nothing more than friendship...am I not allowed to be unsure, confused, make mistakes?"
"I didn't want to be some confused guy's mistake."
"You never were." Jack cried, "When did I ever make you feel that way!"
"You made me feel that way when I had to find out about Tallulah from Gwen! It wouldn't have been such a fucking issue, if you hadn't slept with me, before you dumped your girlfriend."
Jack groaned "And this makes you think I'd cheat on you now? I know I made lots of mistakes when I was younger, but I was seventeen. I've grown since then...You know how much I wish I'd had the guts to tell you, rather than have you find out from Gwen. I mean, I never told anyone else but it wasn't until after we slept together that I realised there was something I'd discovered about myself that was more than woman and numbers." His voice softened. "I met you and you changed my world completely. Suddenly I was seeing things in a whole new light and something I didn't even know I was aware of became the most important thing in my life." Jack paused, taking a shuddering breath. "You..."
When Ianto stayed silent, he continued. "Gwen kept on at me, badgering me to tell you. But I was ashamed, Ianto! I didn't want you to know how torn up I'd been, how screwed in the head I actually was back then."
"Once a cheat always a cheat." Ianto murmured the saying, though really, his heart wasn't completely in it. But Jack caught every word.
"If you really believed that why did you agree to stay with me? Why did you agree to the civil partnership?"
Jack paused again, more conscious than ever that Ianto wouldn't meet his eyes. "You'd better think carefully about how you answer this," he said quietly. "Because if you're about to tell me you went through with the CP still believing I was dishonest...or that I'd cheat on you, then I guarantee any chance we have of fixing this will be gone and I'll be out that door and you will never see me again."
"Do you really think I'd do that?" Ianto cried. "I went through with it because I fucking love you!"
Jack didn't see Ianto's hand move, but he heard the wood crack as Ianto's fist connected with the wardrobe. There was a short cry of pain, then Ianto was cradling his hand in the other and the red bruises blossoming along his knuckles stood out against his pale skin.
"We do nothing but go round and round in circles when we argue," Ianto said hopelessly. "It's always the same statements, the same words tossed around in different contexts...I want to work this out, not argue."
Jack took Ianto's injured hand in his, probing gently for deeper injury even as words continued to tumble from his mouth. "You love me...but you don't trust me, you probably never have."
Ianto raised his eyes and looked at Jack. "I do...I trust you...or I did...but then I heard something at work and it got me thinking." His eyes dropped again. "I mean, you must know Hart was in love with you."
Jack sighed heavily. "A long time ago, Ianto. And you know nothing came of it. He was never a threat. But it was part of the reason I never told you about the meetings. I knew you'd get upset...or rather, I suspected you might. Despite the fact that he's like a brother to me, only a brother to me, and he's a really close friend of ours, you've always been wary of him."
Ianto shook his head. "You could do so much better than me...and then I heard the girls in my office giggling about you and he having a meeting... And, now that I know you hid more meetings from me, am I really wrong to suspect that something happened?"
The American stared at the Welshman "Are you insane?" his voice was hoarse. "I asked you to be my civil partner...I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And you think I'd go behind your back and risk some thing that means everything to me for a quick fuck in the office."
"I didn't want to believe it, but I had every reason to suspect," Ianto countered. "I came in and the clothes were screwed up all over the floor, and you were in your comfy clothes, we didn't talk, make love or anything else, and I was left wondering...worrying...knowing I wasn't enough for you…"
"Ianto Jones." Jack's voice was choked as he raised Ianto's injured hand which he still cradled and kissed each knuckle. "It was I that never deserved you. But I love you. There were times when I didn't want you, God times when I hated you, but I always loved you, always needed you. And you can't turn this round on me, we would have talked had you opened up to me. We could have made love, if you'd shown any sign of genuine interest. We could have had holidays, parties, celebrated our anniversary in style, gone to Paris or something. You could have come to Japan if you'd wanted."
"You hated me?" Ianto sounded defeated.
"Of all the things I just said, that's the one that sticks with you?"
Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Of all the things you said, isn't it the only one that matters? What's the point of having all the rest of them, if you hated me?"
Jack sighed. "I hated it...you...when you were accusing me, not that you've stopped that yet, but I kind of understand...I wish it had been me that told you about Tallulah. I was planning to, before we went ahead with the CP...I had it all worked out, then you confronted me about it, and we argued and talked then. I believed that was the end of it. But no, it...was only the beginning wasn't it?"
Ianto couldn't answer. Didn't need to.
"I felt like I hated you when you were getting at me just before I left," Jack continued. "But I loved you, so, so much more than I hated you. And I still do. And I guess," Jack said, squaring his shoulders. "If we're really going to try to work this out, there's something else you should know."
Ianto raised his head and stared into Jack's eyes "What?" His eyes were wet, and Jack's own were red rimmed and glistening.
"They day after we decided to split and I went into work? You know..."
The Welshman nodded.
"Well, I was upset, Gwen came to see me."
Ianto groaned "And?"
"We kissed," Jack stated. "Once."
"Fuck...I can't even be angry because I did worse with Adam...but, Jack, if Rhys finds out, you're a dead man."
The American looked so guilty and upset, Ianto thought he might have already confessed to Rhys "Does he already know?"
"I hope so. When I was in Japan, I had a phone-call with Gwen. She said he scowled a bit, wanted to be sure that it never happened again, that it never would happen again. He's not treated me no different when I've seen him, but he knows me so well Ianto, Gwen's like my sister, it felt...horrible to be honest."
"Really?" The Welshman queried, raising an eyebrow.
Jack nodded. A tiny smile crept onto his mouth as the atmosphere between them finally began to lighten. "Lip gloss...and she's a wet kisser...Rhys might be all about the tongue...but..." Jack shuddered, drawing a shaky laugh from Ianto. "I dunno if it's because it's Gwen, but I did however, request that she never let me kiss another girl again...Not that I want to."
Ianto nodded, wrapped his arm around Jack's waist and leaned his head on Jack's shoulder. Both men seemed to realise they were still in their state of undress at the same time. Laughing gently, Jack pushed Ianto away, but kept him in touching distance. "You need to put something on that," he noted. "I'll see what I can find."
The Welshman nodded and sat back against the bed, suddenly aware of the pain in his throbbing hand. A few moments later, Jack appeared with a bag of peas from the freezer. He picked up Ianto's hand again holding the peas against it. Seated next to Ianto he caught sight of the little piece of foil that had triggered their latest argument. Jack's brow creased as he remembered. Ianto hadn't denied sleeping with Adam, but he hadn't actually admitted it, either. Maybe he was just clinging to a forlorn hope but he had to know…Jack cleared his throat and nodded towards the packet
"Would we really have needed it?"
Ianto buried his head in Jack neck, tears falling down his cheeks. "I don't remember." he choked, crying quietly into Jack's shoulder. "I don't remember."
