Chapter 29

I held Bella tightly in my arms and watched as she drifted off to sleep. I wasn't surprised at the turn the evening took after we finished talking. While I had every intention of spending the night making love to Bella again, I knew that once I told her my history it would be unlikely for many reasons. It was a lot to digest and it was also taxing for me to tell. However, even if Bella had been willing to make love again, I was not sure my mind would have let me. Our emotions had been on roller coaster rides this evening and I knew that it would be unwise of me to go any further without hunting.

I was stunned to find out that Laurent had come back for her. To think how close she was to death actually made me shudder. It was selfish of all of us to leave her like that. We should have known better, should have realized that Victoria would come back. The fact that Victoria gave up her search for Bella was not sitting well with me. I didn't believe it. Not for one minute. Every fibre of my being knew that she hadn't given up, would never give up. If the tables were turned, I knew that I would hunt for that person until the day I no longer existed. I could not continue knowing that someone had killed my mate and they were still out there.

There were so many unanswered questions that had I been able to sleep, would have kept me awake. How had Alice not seen any of this? Why had Victoria not returned to Forks for Bella when Laurent did not return? That was the most logical place to start. Just because she was on the reservation should not have stopped Victoria. She knew nothing of the treaty so she would have crossed the boundary lines without even knowing it. And, she certainly would not have known about the werewolves so that was not what kept her away.

Once Bella had fallen into a deep sleep, I slowly slid off the bed and headed back downstairs. I could feel the anxiety in my chest as I continued to think about Victoria. I did not care for all the unanswered questions where she was concerned. I felt like I was missing a piece of Bella's story, but I knew Bella had shared everything with me. I could feel she held nothing back. Perhaps Victoria had come back and picked up the scent of the werewolves and then retreated? Did Jake pick up Victoria's scent and not tell Bella? I could speculate for hours and not find any answers.

For a brief moment, I thought of contacting Alice. Perhaps I could ask her to look for Victoria, to see if she could see her and determine where she was. No, that would just be awkward. Even though we split on excellent terms, I am sure it would not go over well with her or any of the family to hear that I was looking for Victoria because of Bella. It was hard on all of us to leave Bella. Especially Alice. She loved her like a sister and it tore her to leave her like that. Alice did not have any human memories of her life before her change and other than the Cullen's, she'd never made a friend that she could call her own. She fought with Edward as she disagreed with his decision to leave. Selfishly, I wanted to say I was glad that he left her, but now that I know what it did to her, I couldn't feel that way. While she had clearly showed her feelings for me, I couldn't help but wonder what she would do if Edward ever came back. He never discussed with the family exactly what he said to Bella when he left, but I knew his feelings for her didn't change. He could deny it for the rest of time, I could feel it. His love for her never dimmed for a second and if he were to come back, would she forgive him, would she choose him over me?

I couldn't allow myself to think of that. Her love for me was so completely different than her love for Edward. There was no doubt in my mind as I remembered clearly how strong the feelings had been between the two of them but, no matter how deep those feelings ran, they were had nothing on the strength of the bond that Bella and I had created. She loved me, she showed me in so many ways. She was a young woman, no longer a young impulsive teenager caught up in the frenzy of her first love affair. She had been through hell and back and knew her own mind well enough to know this amazing love between us was totally different. Complete. A loving relationship we both were going into with our eyes wide open, all truths revealed and there was no way I would allow thoughts of Edward and the what if's to cast doubt on those feelings.

Last night I had come close to telling her. It wasn't right that she thought he didn't love her, that he never loved her. He never knew the damage he caused with whatever words he chose on the fateful day he left her. However, what damage would be done should she know the truth? I had never admitted to anyone, not even myself, that it was possible that had I let my feelings go all those years ago, that I might have fallen in love with Bella back then. The memory of my hand touching her and the feelings that coursed through my body was something that I never forgot and never shared with anyone. I touched Bella only one other time with the exact same results and that was in the airport, moments before she disappeared to meet James. Alice knew he had discovered her location, she saw every move Bella would make to get to him though we could do nothing until she made the decision to leave me standing there in the airport as she slipped out a hidden door. If she had just waited a few minutes more for Edward and Carlisle to arrive, we could have taken her to safety.

As the minutes ticked by, Alice's vision should have alerted her of Bella's intentions as she insisted I accompany her instead of Alice. And then, at a crucial time, I was distracted. The moment my palm touched her tiny back, again, calm enveloped me, which enabled me to help Bella with her emotions. I was so taken back by the emotions she was causing in me, that it took several minutes for me to realize that she had fooled me and escaped. I knew immediately what she was doing, she was going to meet James. The anguish I felt at the time was incomprehensible. I had thought it was because of the pain Alice and Edward were experiencing at the thought of loosing her, of James actually succeeding and killing her. Never once did it cross my mind that it was the pain that I was feeling.

Remembering her bloody body twisted and broken on the floor of the dance studio still enraged me to this day. It wasn't until this exact moment that the fog cleared, I finally understood my rage and my satisfaction of killing James. It wasn't because of the pain he caused my family, it was because of the pain he caused me.

Alice and I were still together, fighting to try and save our relationship, but we were together, bonded, mated, I would have never allowed those feelings to surface while still with her. I shuddered to think of her response should she have thought she might lose my love to Bella. No matter what, we are vampires, we are territorial and until that bond is broken, it would be protected at all costs. Alice may be one of the sweetest and most caring souls, but when it comes down to a mate, she would be just as ruthless as Victoria.

God, I couldn't even fathom what would have happened between Edward and I, had I allowed my feelings to develop.

Someday, I would have to tell her about Edward, my honour demanded it, her honour deserved it, but not today… or tomorrow. But someday. I needed to focus on Bella now and our feelings for one another. They needed to be protected, cherished and allowed the time to grow. Her heart still needed mending and I wanted to be the one to complete her just as I wanted her to complete me. I looked up at the loft and smiled. I still couldn't believe that Bella wanted to be with me, was with me. I decided I was going to make today the most amazing day of her life, something so completely special and romantic.

Thinking of our love making yesterday, a smile immediately took over my face. It was amazing! The want and desire I felt from Bella was just as strong as mine. While I still wished her first time could have been slow and romantic, I would not change what had happened for anything. There would be ample opportunities to make love to Bella properly and today was a good a day to start.

I quickly changed into some old clothes and went outside. It was going to be a dreary day with lots of rain so we definitely wouldn't be going out later. I smiled at the thought, thinking of all the things we could do inside. I started a brisk run away from the house and then ran full out. The wind whipping through my hair was almost as relaxing as when Bella's fingers had done the same thing only a few hours ago. The run helped alleviate all the stress that had built up while I was thinking of the Victoria situation. I decided that I would put that out of my mind for the day and focus on how I wanted to pamper Bella, make her feel as beautiful as she truly was. Treat her as she had never been treated before and in a manner that she truly deserved.

I picked up the scent of a herd of deer off to my left, I slowed down and headed in their direction, quickly catching up to them and circling around so that I would be in front of them. I crouched down as low as I could go and waited, as still as a statue, for their approach. The thrill of the chase was something that I used to love about hunting, but I no longer allowed myself to chase anymore. It was an exercise that helped build up my self-control. The hunt itself, the chase, was almost as intoxicating as the actual kill. For years, I had craved that as much as I craved blood itself. I forced myself to wait until a large buck was almost on top of me before I attacked. I could hear his heartbeat as he came closer to my hiding spot. My mouth filled with venom as I waited for just the right moment to take him by surprise. He started to slow, sensing me, but not able to see me. I sprung from my spot, taking him by surprise. He was a very large animal so it was a fight to wrestle him to the ground. I folded his neck and bit into his artery quickly and he immediately relaxed before finally going limp. Usually one buck would be enough, but I had high hopes for the rest of the day and decided to catch another before heading back to the house to clean up.

After I was finally so sated that I couldn't stand another drop, I went back to the house at a full run. I wanted to get cleaned up and sneak back out again before Bella woke up for the day. I quietly opened the door and checked the loft to see that she was still sound asleep and had not moved since I left earlier.

I turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up. I normally didn't care what temperature the water was, but since I had the privilege of being around Bella and feeling her body warmth, I relished the hot water running down my body. At times, I would close my eyes and pretend that she was in here with me, the hot water streaming down our naked bodies. Her hands running freely over my skin and mine were doing the same to hers. Wow, I was far gone for this girl, long before I had even realized it. I cleaned myself off quickly, jumped out and grabbed a fresh towel. I snuck upstairs to grab my clothes, mentally laughing at myself for trying so hard to be quiet when the ability to be so completely silent was one thing that I excelled at.

I pulled on my clothes and walked over to the bed, kneeling down so I was face level with Bella. She was still sound asleep and I watched as her chest slowly moved. Her thick shiny hair was spread out behind her and I couldn't wait until I got another chance to bury my hands deep within its softness. My eyes were caught by the fact that her tight tank top had risen slightly and was now exposing a creamy strip of flesh both above and below her belly button. I wanted to reach out and touch her in that exact spot but didn't want to risk waking her just yet. I still had a few more things I needed to do before she woke. I stood slowly and pulled the covers higher on her body as it was apparent that she was feeling a bit of a chill. Her mouth watering nipples were tightly pressed against her shirt as if they were calling out for me, teasing me to touch them, my mouth aching to taste them.

Even though we had made love, I still hadn't seen Bella completely naked. Well, if you don't count when I walked into the bathroom in Martha's Vineyard and even then, most parts were covered by bubbles. My body started to strain as I thought about finally having my hands on her bare breasts, caressing them, tasting them. A growl began to build as I thought about all the other areas of her body that I wanted to taste, to suck, lick and kiss. If I kept this up, I was never going get anything done that I had planned so I forced myself to turn around and go down the stairs. I wanted today to be perfect and needed to get moving in order to accomplish the many tasks I had set out for myself.

I left the house and got into my car, quickly speeding down the drive away from the house. The faster I got out and purchased what I needed for the day, the sooner I would be back to Bella. The sooner my long awaited dreams would come true.