The Chibi's Are Stalking Me, Kathryn Shadow, NewDrWhoFan, Olfactory-Ventriloquism, SilverWolf7, Isis the Sphinx, and Jessa L'Rynn (Hey, that's MY name) do not own the good Doctor. TCASM owns chibis thereof, Kathryn owns Bad Wolf ideas thereof, NDWF owns AUs thereof, SilverWolf7 owns the cleverest torture ever thereof, Isis owns moments of insanity thereof, OV and I own Joshua thereof but, no matter how we put all these legos together, they still won't make a picture that gives us ownership of Doctor Who. If anyone finds out what we're doing wrong, please let us know ASAP as Tennant has gotten away and we need to seize the show before they hire someone... not good.
Next to the last chapter, here, folks. Written by yours, truly (or yours, truly insane, anyway) Jessa L'Rynn.
Chapter 29: Tying Knots
Around the puncture holes from the hell cat's teeth, Rose read:
"My Dearest Rose,
You will have either met the terms of the will before you ever knew about it, or will have reached your 24th birthday without having done so. This letter is to clear things up for you before you reach the critical 25th.
As I write this letter, we have never met. I have been long estranged from the family, and I don't blame you in any way for this, as I worked very hard to become a crotchety old man whom no one would want to come visit. Nevertheless, I want you to know that I have loved you since you were born.
My wife Rosa and I had one child, and I lost them both that day. For a long time, I tried to shut my life off from the world as a result. When I heard about you, though... it was more than a small miracle to me, just to know you existed. I resolved there and then to provide for you as I would have done for my own child.
The reason for the terms is simple. Rosa called me a hopeless romantic. I told her at the time that I was a hopeful romantic. That is one character trait even becoming an dreadful old geezer has not taken from me. I want you to marry for love, and be happy in the love you have chosen. I do not want you to have to marry someone who does not love you and is interested only in your money, which is why you were to remain unaware. The final copy of my will - which is not the one your mother or even my lawyers have seen yet - is appended to this letter - it states if you do not wish to marry by the time you are 25, you may, instead, simply collect your inheritance.
I always liked to think of you as the child we never had, though I suppose you would be more a grandchild, given your age. Nevertheless, the money is yours, and I understand it has stacked up over the years. You may do with it what you wish. I do not recommend gifting it to the RSPCA - Lovey will probably take over the world some day and should not be given financial backing, as it will only encourage her.
I hope you have found the love of your life and that this letter is coming to you with the money as a wedding present. I hope he is a good man who will care for you and love you as you deserve all your life. Use the money to to buy a house, or use it to travel the world, or use it to help others. Have an adventure with it, whatever adventure you wish to have, and walk through your life with your love, hand in hand. Cherish every moment you have together because there is never a guarantee of 'happily ever after' in this life - only 'happily now'.
Rosa's locket should be with this letter. I never saw what she kept in it, but to me it was a symbol of all my love. I now send all my love to you, Rose, and wish you all the very best in life, and all the love you ever wished for on any star.
Your loving Uncle,
Mortimer Prentice"
Rose looked up from the letter and brushed tears back from her eyes. "I like that," she said. "Happily now."
The Doctor, of course, had read the letter quickly in one quick glance, his Time Lord mind, operating, as usual, at light speed. "Morty," he told the empty air, "I could have used this advice years ago."
"What're you trying to say, Doctor?" Rose asked softly, hesitantly.
"I was a goner when I met you," he confessed, honestly.
They'd forgotten Jack was even there until Jack slapped the back of the Doctor's head. "Duh!" he announced.
"Ow!" the Doctor exclaimed, rounding on the Captain with an injured expression. "What was that for?"
"I've wanted to do it for over 200 years," Jack said, simply. Then, he walked off, hands in his pockets, whistling.
"Don't tell Mum," Rose shouted after him.
"Why not?" the Doctor asked, looking quite hurt. "Seems the easiest thing, now, you know?"
"No, the easiest thing would have been for her to just ask us how we felt. Or asked you, or asked me. Acting like she'd lost her mind? She scared me to death and, personally, I think she's got a bad day coming on."
"Rose Tyler, you are a vindictive little minx," he announced, sounding completely awed.
"And?"
"And I like it," he answered in a dark, husky tone. He kissed her softly, and then grinned wickedly. "Now, how do you want to play this?"
When the sun finally set, the Doctor, Jack, and Jack's team rounded up the Alien Ice Box of Unpleasant Adjectives. They took it out into the middle of the lawn, well away from the rose bushes, the water supply, and the house. Then, they watered down everything around it, and the Doctor set the self-destruct with the sonic screwdriver. All the cold it had been radiating abruptly reversed itself and the thing heated up, combusted, and quietly reduced itself to powder, which Jack then watered down just to be sure.
They'd already ret-conned the crews of workers. There was nothing left now but to deal with the bodies. And the locket.
"Why the locket?" asked Rose while they stood in the garden. Jack and his crew were handling the gruesome bits, but the Doctor and Rose had this to do and it seemed extremely personal to them both.
"If I'm right," the Doctor began in his 'arrogance-r-us' tone, "and, let's be honest, I always am, the so-called Box of Doom has been subtly powering something kept in the locket."
Rose stuck her tongue out at him, then dodged away from him when he tried to chase it. They sobered quickly, though, when the locket sparkled in the starlight overhead. "Uncle Mortimer," the Doctor called, "you might want to be here for this."
The ghost appeared, faint but still very definitely there. The Doctor smiled at him, but it wasn't his gentle, sad smile that made the ghost smile back. Rather, it was the look of love and affection, the gleaming tears in Rose's eyes, that caused the ghost to brighten. "Thank you," both the Time Lord and his future bride said.
The ghost of Mortimer Prentice tilted his head in silent acknowledgment and mouthed a 'thank you' back at them.
"Are you ready?" the Doctor asked.
Mortimer nodded.
Rose opened the locket. There, inside the locket, was a tiny, pretty crystal. Rose looked at it and thought she would have picked it up and put it in there herself, really, so it didn't seem a stretch to her that her Aunt Rosa had done. "What is it?" she asked.
"A Meesultin crystal, what the powder I mentioned before comes from. It'd take me years to work out the calculations on how this worked. But it did. Faith and trust and pixie dust, I guess." The Doctor smiled softly and placed the locket neatly into a new opened blossom on the nearest rose bush. Then, he lifted his sonic screwdriver. "If there is an afterlife," he said, "I hope you find yourself with your Rosa." He twitched the controls and the ghost immediately began to fade.
There was a small hum that gradually increased in volume and the tiny crystal still sitting in the locket began to vibrate. Then, suddenly but quietly, it detonated, scattering sparkling dust all over the rose bush the locket rested in. The locket bounced once and tumbled to the ground.
The Doctor waited for the dust to settle, then picked up the locket and handed it to Rose. "Won't this cause more problems?" she asked.
"No. It has to be ingested in large quantities or, like it seems to have done, gradually infuse the house for ages. He's gone now, free, and this little bit of dust won't cause anybody any problems. Are you ready to go tackle Jack's lot?"
Rose nodded slowly. In truth, she would rather find some room in the TARDIS that no one else could possibly find and finally get on with resolving all the tension they kept building up. But, she decided, it would have to wait. It didn't matter, really, if they left everyone else and hid the TARDIS in a Universe that couldn't be accessed except by TARDIS, in the mood Jackie was in, she would still manage to catch them somehow and Rose wasn't giving her mother that satisfaction. She took the Doctor's hand and went over to see about getting Torchwood to "shunt off".
In the end, however, the Rift beat them to it. Jack sent his team back to Cardiff to keep whatever had turned up company and promised to come back himself before they left. Rose hugged him tight and he bundled his crew into the two SUVs and made Owen drive the refrigerated truck he'd rented for the transport of the bodies. Gwen complained that Rhys would not like this, whoever Rhys was, and Rose resolved to herself to find that out later.
She remembered very well who Gwen reminded her of, but there'd be time later to find out why. She had a crazy mum to cure, permanently, after all.
Jackie snarled as she wandered into the TARDIS kitchen the next morning. The Doctor was standing there in flannel jim-jam bottoms and a dressing gown. He snarked amiably back at her, made tea, and shoved the pot in her general direction.
"Is Rose up yet?" she asked him grumpily.
"I don't know," he said. "I knocked on her door, but she didn't answer, so I assume she was in the shower, but she might be indulging in a lie-in.
Jackie glowered at him.
He put on his most innocent face and blinked at her. "What?"
"You knocked on her door," she accused. It couldn't be considered anything less than an accusation. It certainly wasn't an observation, nor was it the relieved statement of a mother who was delighted to hear that her daughter wasn't sleeping with a 900-year-old alien.
"Yes," he said, cheerfully. "She has her own room, Jackie. This ship is huge, you don't honestly think I make her sleep in the console room?" Jackie continued to glower at him, so he shrugged. "Well, you can put it out of your mind, Jackie. Your daughter has her own room and her own snug little bed on my ship. It's her home, you know, and I want her happy here."
Now, Jackie blinked at him in confusion. "Her... home?" Jackie said.
"Well, she's lived here for two years, I thought... she has the key and everything, you know. Did she tell you, I even let her bring pets? Jack's one of her pretty boys, actually. But I absolutely drew the line when she wanted to bring a whole harem of blokes, too much fuss and I'd probably have to clean up after them. Anyway, get some tea in you, you're looking peaky. Rose was in the mood for a movie day, doesn't that sound like fun?"
He walked out of the room, singing some song he'd heard on Rose's MP3 player the last time he'd "borrowed" it. "...'Cause today has been the best day, everything I ever dreamed..."
Rose had gone to a lot of trouble to pick the most romantic movies she could find. Any time Jackie looked back at them, the Doctor was making puppy dog eyes at Rose and Rose was, seemingly, ignoring him.
Wasn't true. They had a mental connection, now, so she could ignore him physically, when what he was doing to her in their heads made her too dizzy to move. Jackie seemed to get more and more agitated and, when the Doctor suggested a break for lunch, Jackie pounced on the idea like Lovey on something she was told not to touch.
They retreated to the kitchen, where the Doctor proceeded to flirt outrageously with Rose and Rose proceeded to pretend like she was smiling and laughing at a little kid. Really, she was doing exactly what she had always done, before because she was afraid that he didn't feel the same way she did, now because she knew they both felt the same: that her mum had a really stressful day coming.
However, he was really, really trying her control.
For one thing, he was eating marmalade from the jar again. Actually, he wasn't eating the marmalade, he was seducing it. Or his fingers. Or both.
Of course, he kept burning, bedroom eyes on Rose the entire time he did this. Plus, just to make sure she learned something useful, he was showing her, inside her head, in excruciatingly exquisite detail, the other definition of sublimation.
Rose stubbornly ate her chips. Jackie gaped at her.
Then the Doctor went on to molesting a peach. Most people could eat one. He, apparently, could not. Rose wanted to hurl her mum out into the Vortex and lick all the juice off of him. She firmly told herself that he would have to put them in the Vortex for her to do that, and therefore he would have to stop what he was doing. The vision was too gorgeous to interrupt.
Jackie muttered something that sounded like "gold sour", but stayed all the same, staring holes into Rose's head. Rose drank her Coke and didn't have to remind herself that she was welcome to take the peach's place at any time, because the Doctor's voice in her head made that abundantly clear.
Rose giggled and teased the Doctor that pears were even juicier than peaches.
He got up and went to the fridge. "Does he like fruit?" Jackie demanded quietly.
"What?" Rose asked, because she was distracted by the Doctor's bum as he bent over to do his rummaging. "Yeah, he always eats it like that. He's such a kid, sometimes, makes a complete mess."
Jackie looked like she really, really wanted to explain something to Rose. "Always?" she asked. "Even in public?"
"No," Rose answered. "S'only when we're here, dunno why. Usually behaves himself in public. Although, gotta tell you, him and ice cream and a beach - that's a mess no matter how you look at it."
"Does he have an oral fictation or something?" Jackie muttered.
Rose shrugged. Her mum had gotten the word wrong, so she didn't have to lie when she said, "Nah, can't be, can it?"
Jackie slapped a hand over her face and muttered something about killing Mickey Smith for some reason. Rose hid her snicker with a cough.
The Doctor came back to the table with a bowl of cherries. Rose wondered where they had gotten cherries. They were dark, deep red, these cherries, and very nearly as large as plums.
"What are you doing?" Jackie asked him.
"Eating cherries," he replied. "You want one?" He passed the bowl over, and Rose helped herself. Jackie looked at him dubiously.
"Is this some sort of weird alien ritual, eating like that?"
The Doctor blinked at her. "Not really, I mean, I just enjoy my food. You would, too, if you'd ever lived at Prydon Academy. Food tablets and gruel." He made a sour face and stuck his tongue out. "Nasty."
Then, he stuck a cherry into his mouth. Three seconds later, he spat the pit onto a napkin. Five seconds after that, he reached up and took the stem out of his mouth, sitting it neatly next to the pit.
There was a knot in it.
A month ago, Rose would have jumped him at this point, no matter what her brain might have tried to say on the subject. Knowledge that she could find out how he did that later was absolutely the only thing holding her in her chair. He grabbed another cherry. Another pit joined the first. Another stem came out, tucked neatly between his teeth.
This one had a double knot in it.
The Doctor grinned and proudly displayed it between two fingers. "See, now, that's impressive," he observed.
Rose, though her mouth was dry, managed to toss out a very sarcastic, "You think."
"Right," said Jackie. "Doctor, can you give us a moment?" He shrugged, took his cherries, and sauntered off.
"What, Mum?" Rose asked innocently.
Jackie leaned close to her and spoke, swiftly and furiously, "That man - that alien - is coming on to you, Rose Marion Tyler, and I cannot believe that you can't see it."
"Don't be ridiculous, Mum," Rose said. "Like you said, he's an alien, he don't know what he's doing. He's just showing off."
"Showing off?!" Jackie exclaimed incredulously. "Showing off would be trying, Rose. He tied a double knot into a cherry stem. Don't you know anything?!"
Rose sniffed and straightened herself proudly in her chair. "You're just being silly, Mum."
Jackie jumped up from her chair. "Right," she exclaimed, "that does it." She caught Rose's arm and half led, half dragged, her daughter out into the hall. Halfway down the corridor, she found the Doctor, leaning against a wall, with a cherry stem tied into an alarmingly complex knot hanging out of his mouth. Jackie ignored this and grabbed him by the arm. She then proceeded to drag them both toward the console room.
"What'd we do?" he asked in a stage whisper.
"Dunno," Rose answered at the same volume.
"Right," said Jackie, once they got to the console room. She released their arms and glowered at them both, hands on her hips. "I want you both off this planet. Doctor, you're ruddy insane, and you've driven my daughter just as barking mad as you are. It's obvious that this stupid thing is never going to work, so go on, get out of here, go back to traveling or back to Glasgow or whatever it is you really do when you're not trying to make me as crazy as you are."
"Jackie?" the Doctor said calmingly, "did we do something wrong?"
"Everything!" she shouted and started pacing furiously. "I was so sure. I was certain, but obviously neither one of you even know a damn thing about the opposite sex. Rose, I gave you the talk, I know I did. Did I forget to tell you how to tell when a man wants sex? It's easy, Rose. If he's breathing, he wants it. There, now that's done. What about you, you stubborn alien git? Do you not have the right equipment or something? Some reason my daughter's got it into her head that a man making bedroom eyes at her is joking?"
"Um?" they both said, looking at each other in carefully constructed confusion. The Doctor was actually looking over her right shoulder. Rose was chewing on her lip.
"All you had to do, one little thing, and that's get caught. Then, this would all be easy, but no, you two have to be either so damn good at sneaking around that someone could be in the room with you and not know, or you've just spent the past two years staring at each other like lemons. Why can't you shag against a wall like normal, healthy people your age? All right, your apparent age, her age?"
"You... you want us..." Rose broke off because if she didn't, she was going to explode with laughter.
"Yes, because then I could catch you and then you would have to get married and you'd be rich and I would never have to worry about you being taken care of in the future."
Rose looked at the Doctor. He reached into his pocket, handed over the long anticipated box with a quick, subtle gesture. "Married?" Rose asked, calmly. "Well, yeah, 'course we're getting married. That's what two people in love do, don't they?" She opened the box, slipped the ring onto her finger, and held her hand up for her mother to see.
Jackie shrieked and, much to their amazement, fainted.
"Well, that's good," the Doctor said. Then, he leaned over, pulled something out of a pocket, and waved it under Jackie's nose. Jackie made a face, coughed and sputtered and, gasping, came to, still glowering at him. He jumped back out of slapping range. "Honestly, Jackie, if you just wanted us married, you should have said something." He rolled his eyes. "Rose and I've been married since... oh, about a month after I met her. Give or take."
"What!!" Jackie shrieked.
The Doctor looked from her, to Rose, back to Jackie. "What?" he asked innocently.
Rose stared at her fiance, or, apparently, her husband. All of this... madness, wanting, waiting, trying, tempting... It thundered out of her in a single syllable. "WHAT?!?!?!"
