.:Chapter 29:.
Scorpio, you're my best friend and worst enemy. You really get me, and even though we're both scared to fall…we got each other's back. -Virgo.
Kendall entered the hockey arena and shifted his bag up his shoulder.
Skates dangled from his shoulders, gently bumping along with his footsteps. He breathed in deeply, sucking in the cool air of the ice rink. It was his home for a reason, everything about it reminded him of Minnesota; the chill of the rink, the sound of his blades over the ice, the slush that collected with each scrape of the skate, the blood, sweat, and tears of playing a hard game and making sure his teammates were playing to their full potential.
It had been a great honor when he had found out he was the captain of the hockey team in his freshmen year. The whole school had been abuzz with it and while he had kept up a modest front while around others, once he got home he shared his excitement with his mother and sister the minute he got the chance. It was just one step closer to his dream of playing for the Wild or the Maple Leafs. Some of the older players on the team didn't agree with the ruling, but after seeing how Kendall wouldn't back down from their antics they had grown to respect him as much as they would a senior in that position.
Dad would have been proud, Kendall thought as he stopped and sat down on a bench. He dropped his bag down his shoulder and unzipped it, pulling out is hockey gear. He pushed through the pads and gloves, looking for his stick tape. Lifting his hockey stick onto his lap, he picked up the tape and started to wrap it around the curved end of the stick.
"I wonder if he knows…"
Kendall shook his head, turning back to the task at hand.
So often he found himself wondering whether or not Kevin knew about the little achievements he and Katie had accredited over the years, if he had tried to stay in touch with their mother while he had been gone. He seriously doubted it, a few months before having gone to California, he had found out that his father had stopped paying child support long before. The thought made him so angry he had taken his hockey stick and smacked so many pucks with so much force that his hand had cramped up for three days straight.
"If you continue to tape your stick like that, you're going to choke the life out of it," Kevin said as he walked over to his son, his own bag dangling off his shoulder. He sat down on the bleacher next to Kendall and dropped his bag to the floor. Leaning over he picked up his skates and started to untie the knot that held his skates together. "It'll also be harder for you to get back off when you need to change the tape again."
"Didn't notice," Kendall said with a light chuckle. He moved the stick to his lap and loosened his grip a little, finishing up his tape job. The two worked in silence for a while, getting their things ready to head out onto the ice. Was this really a good idea?
When he had brought it up to James, Logan, and Carlos, making them promise not to tell his mother or Katie where he was going, they had all reacted in the way he thought they would, with shock and surprise. Logan had even asked to make sure he hadn't developed a concussion from the numerous shots to his head he could have received. Once Kendall reassured him that he was, in fact, fine they had asked if he wanted them to go too.
Kendall thought about it then decided it would be better if he went off on his own. They were his best friends, his buds, his brothers on and off the ice, and yet, it wasn't something they were going through. They always promised they would be there for each other, but there had to be times where they didn't have to be. They like Mrs. Knight, had to learn at some point he had to do some things on his own. And this was one of them.
"Thanks for coming out, Dad," Kendall finally said.
Kevin glanced at his son for a moment, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. His movements slowed as he finished untying the knot in his laces. Finally, he let out a short sigh dropping his skates to the floor of the bleachers, starting to unlace them. "You're welcome." His lips twitched at the corners. "To be honest, I was actually surprised that you called and asked if I wanted to come skate with you. I thought the last thing you wanted to do was see me by yourself anytime soon."
"Yeah, well, I've been thinking a lot about things that had been going on lately," Kendall said slowly. He ran his hands over the legs of his jeans. "If we're going to play the game and if you live in Los Angeles there's a chance that we're probably going to run into each other at some point anyway." He bobbed his head back and forth. "And the way I see it, it's probably not going to help if I act like you don't exist if we're the only ones in the room."
Kevin raised an eyebrow for a moment before narrowing his own green eyes. He wasn't sure if he believed it, though nothing in Kendall's demeanor showed he was lying. He was sitting up straight, looking him in the eye when he wasn't focusing on his hockey stick and, there wasn't an underlying tone to his voice. Nothing that would suggest that he was trying to use him. Still, he couldn't let his guard down.
"You still don't believe me when I say that I want things to be different, do you?" Kevin asked.
Kendall didn't answer his question. There were so many things he could say in response to it and he wasn't sure how Kevin was going to react. Hopefully not in the way he was dreading. He could already feel his muscles tense, waiting for the blow that would land on the side of his face or in his ribs. His ears were already ringing with the screaming that Kevin would bestow upon him, demanding to know why he was making him act that way, and claiming it was all Kendall's fault and that he was the one that made him get hit like that. It was the same pattern; he had seen it and heard it all before.
"How about a game?" Kendall placed his hockey stick aside and started to pull of his Vans. He carefully set them aside before picking up an ice skate and sliding it onto his feet. "It'd be really quick. First to ten."
Kevin gave a chortling laugh. "Are you sure you want to do that?" He stood up, towering over his son, flexing his fingers over his hockey stick. "I mean, you may be the captain of your high school team, have talent scouts wanting you to join the all star team, and have the talent to get on a NHL team, but you you're forgetting who taught you how to play."
Kendall's eyes widened for a moment. "Y-you know about all that?"
Kevin watched him.
Kendall placed his feet inside his skates and stood up as well. He pushed up the sleeves of his hockey jersey, the one that he used for his team back home, the one he always wore whenever he was playing a game with his friends. It was his good luck charm, as well as the leather bracelet on his wrist that he never took off.
"I know everything I need to know about you, Kendall," Kevin said honestly. "I know every grade you've gotten in school, all of the awards, the detentions, your positions in clubs at school…" he lowered his voice, taking a step closer to Kendall. "And I know about that little drug problem that you had as well."
Kendall was confused. "I've never had a drug problem," he replied. He crossed his arms over his chest. "If you really have been watching me, you'd know that."
"I meant about Lance," Kevin said bluntly. Kendall's eyes widened once more as he dropped his arms. How had he known about that? No one knew that Lance had been following him around and had even threatened him after having Guitar Dude get sent to jail. He could still remember the way Lance had glared at him, demanding the money that he owed him for a small bag of cocaine and the join that he had thrown over the wall of the Palm Woods. I knew Dad had a lot of connections, but nothing like this. "He came to my apartment once, demanding that he get the money you owe him."
"I don't do drugs," Kendall denied quickly, holding up his hands. He took a step back away from his father, feeling a sudden rush of fear take him over. His green eyes darted over his father's form, looking for the sign that he was about to move to strike his son. He hadn't drunk anything; Kendall didn't smell anything on his breath. But that was never his mode of operation; he used to push Kendall hard enough so that he collapsed to the ice and had to be carried home. He was struck with verbal abuse, hockey sticks, hockey pucks, and his fists less often than he was told he was disappointing his father. "Dad, I swear."
"Relax, Kendall, I know you don't," Kevin said. He turned away from Kendall and walked down the bleachers and over to the partition that kept the ice from the bleachers. He sat down on the edge and swung his legs over, placing them on the ice. Once he had his balance, he got up and started to sway back and forth across the glassy surface. Kendall followed him. "Like I said, I know more about you than you think. I've been following news about you and Katie since I left to tell you the truth."
"So how'd you know about Lance?" Kendall twisted the hockey stick in his hands, then reached down to his bag and pulled out a couple of hockey pucks. He then joined his father on the ice, gently moving his toes in and out as he glided along. "I thought…I thought I was keeping that a good secret away from the others…."
"If there's anything that I know about you, Kendall, is that you're terrible at faking and you aren't a very good liar," Kevin said with a light laugh. He reached up and gently scratched his forehead. "So keeping a secret probably isn't your forte either." He peered hard at his son. "It probably drove you insane for a while," he said slowly. "Not knowing that there was much more out there in Los Angeles than all of the cool parties and the stuff and the fame?"
Kendall lowered his gaze to his skates, chewing his lower lip. His father certainly was a lawyer. He was able to read Kendall's body language and see everything that had been going on in his head a lot quicker than the others had. It was one of his biggest fears that the band would end up breaking up because the others were to into partying than working hard. Sure, he had times where he would goof off and have fun more than he would work, but who said working wasn't fun? Gustavo didn't see how the two were compatibly, but Kelly made sure that the guys would have some time to relax at the same time.
And they were the ones that got you into the hockey game in the first place, Kendall reminded himself. He felt a little guilt after the thought entered his head. His mother had given him the choice to play and he had decided to do it, with the single notion of wanting to hurt his father in some way, as much as he had hurt him. Now he wasn't' sure if that was the reason why. They were skating together and having a civil conversation and he didn't feel the need to smack his head off with his stick.
"Your silence lets me know everything I need," Kevin said with a laugh.
Kendall chocked his grip on his hockey stick. "That's hysterical, Dad. Really funny." He turned and smacked the hockey puck as hard as he could, sending it flying into the net. He turned back to his father, his eyebrow shooting up. "You make a joke out of everything, don't you?" He slowly started to skate around to the second hockey puck he had placed on the ice as well. "Always try to make things not seem as serious as they are. I mean, you were gone for ages and you're explaining that you've always wondered what me and Katie are doing." He picked up the hockey stick and turned his skates to the side, sending little patches of ice over his father. "And yet, you don't even have the decency to apologize!"
He smacked the puck and started to skate after it, his breath coming out in loud puffs as he went. His blood roared in his ears, pounding along with each placement of his skate on the ice. All of a sudden Kevin appeared in front of him, skating backwards, keeping his eyes on Kendall's before lashing out his stick and stealing the puck from Kendall. He turned around, twisting away from Kendal land stopped on a dime.
"How can I get a chance?" He demanded. "You're so selfish and stubborn that you don't listen whenever someone tries to tell you something you don't want to hear." He tightened his jaw, his eyes flashing. "Not everything revolves around you!" He brought back his stick and brought it back down in a slapshot. Kendall watched as it sailed over and slammed into the net. Kendall slowly nodded, watching as the puck headed back towards the two Knights from the force of the blow. "How do you think I felt with this whole thing? Deciding to pack up my life and leave all of you behind? It was the biggest mistake of my life."
He skated over towards the puck, but Kendall beat him to it. He flashed his father a challenging eyebrow lift and Kevin's eyes narrowed before he skated after Kendall. The two started to skate back and forth across the ice, trying to grab the puck away from each other. Kendall was a little surprised, he hadn't thought Kevin had enough time to play hockey for a while, what with all of the large cases he had been in charge of.
"How about representing a man that abused my friends?" Kendall stuck out an elbow and struck Kevin in the chest moving him out of his space far enough so that he could take a breakaway towards the net on the opposite side of the rink. "How did that make you feel?" Kevin shot around Kendall and jabbed his stick towards Kendall's, trying to make him lose possession of the ball. "Knowing they suffered the same kind of pain that I did, by you!"
Kevin charged towards the net and stuck his puck out, blocking Kendall's next shot. Kendall scowled, gliding around the back of the net and moving in front of Kevin as he started back towards the next. This time he was the one skating backwards, keeping his eyes on the puck and alternatively Kevin's face, watching his every move for the sign that he was about to make a breakaway.
"I know and that was a big mistake, too!" Kevin snapped. "I'M SORRY, OK?!" He barely took his eyes off Kendall, exhibiting his impressive stick handling skills. As he spoke next, his voice was raised. "I never should have agreed to take over their case, not for my own selfish reasons! It was a job, at first, but when I found out that it was your friends…I couldn't stop but think about what I had done to you. I could still imagine the way I had knocked you to the ground, how I had punched you, how I had worked you so hard that you passed out. But the one thing that still surprised me, no matter how many times I did it…" Kevin stood up straight, allowing the puck to move away from him.
Kendall followed his movements.
"You don't completely hate me," Kevin said.
Kendall moved his lower jaw to the side. He glared hard at his father, his hands moving into fists. They quaked with the effort of his fingers pressing into his palms. He clenched his teeth together and started to breathe through his nose. He turned away from Kevin, closing his eyes, bringing a fist up to his forehead trying to hide his face. He hated the movement after a second. Here he was, hiding away from his father again. It was like he was back behind the couch, arms covering his face, cowering in fear, crying for his mother and trying to deflect the blows that would rain on his body.
"And that's the sad part!" Kendall turned back to his father and heaved his hockey stick to the ground. "I've wondered for ages what it would be like if you came back into our lives. For a long time after you left, for months, I would sit by the door and wait to hear your key in the lock. I would have to distract Katie from the fact that you weren't coming home. I had to listen to her ask 'where's Daddy?' day after day for months!" Kevin sighed heavily, turning his head away. He reached up and scratched the back of his neck. "I had to listen to Mom cry in her room every night. I know now what happened wasn't entirely your fault, but a part of it still is." He started to thump himself in the chest. "A part of me is happy that you want to be back! That you want to try and become the father that you used to be. And then there's the part of me that wants to prove to you that I could be the man that you couldn't raise me to be and doesn't need you around!" Kendall lowered his head once more. "That you're the one that makes it so hard for me to let people go! That you're the one that caused all sorts of my problems and the sad fact of the matter is that…I don't completely hate you for all of that…I hate you, but I don't..."
"Kendall…" Kevin raised a hand to his mouth, rubbing at the side of his jaw, his fingers sliding over the stubble that had formed.
"I can't…I can't believe….that I don't hate you…I want to hate you SO BADLY, BUT I CAN'T!" Kendall brought his hands up to his hair and grabbed onto the ends of it, feeling tears prick his eyes. Kevin moved forward and hesitantly put his arms around Kendall's shoulders. He gently held onto him, allowing the blond teen to let out his pent up anger and frustration. Kendall turned his face into his father's arm, waiting for the moment to pass.
For the first time in a long time, he felt safe in his father's arms. But it wasn't completely right. Not yet. There were still a few things he couldn't deal with. He still couldn't look at him and not be a little afraid that he was going to get punched or hit or kicked in some way.
Kendall took a deep breath and moved the heels of his palms to his eyes, brushing away the tears that threatened to fall. He skated backwards and turned aside, keeping his father in his peripheral, but not looking at him directly. How embarrassing, to fall apart to tears while talking to him.
"Do you want to keep playing?"
Kendall looked over at the hockey puck and nodded.
"I thought I'd find you here," Kendall looked up from the ice rink and smiled over at Riley as she walked over to him, hands shoved into the pockets of a light jacket, a red beanie pulled down over her hair. She sat down beside him, straddling the bench as she faced him. "What's up?" She stuck her right hand out towards him.
Kendall stuck his out and they did their handshake. "Did one of the guys tell you I was here?"
"No," Riley said simply and left it at that. She turned her head and looked down on the ice before glancing at Kendall once more. "So what's got you in such a funky mood? Normally you're so anxious to tell me a story or something." She peered at him. "Something happened," She said finally.
Kendall gave a humorless laugh before leaning back, resting his arms on the seat behind him, stretching out his legs. He kept his eyes on the ice for a few moments before turning his head and locking eyes with Riley's blue ones. It still scared him, sometimes, how perceptive she could be. "I don't want to talk about it."
"It's a good thing that you have me around then, Hockey-Head," Riley said. She leaned towards him, holding out her hand. Kendall's eyebrows furrowed together. "Apart from the fact that I'm such amazing company to have, I know how to make people feel better."
Kendall gave her a wry smile. "Is it legal?"
"Most of the time," Riley said mysteriously. She winked at him before standing up, grabbing onto his arm. "C'mon. I'm not taking 'no' for an answer." She paused. "Seriously. I know how to get my way." Kendall allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, taking his sports bag as he went.
"Something tells me no one's dumb enough to say 'no'," Kendall teased her. "Not facing the threat of being killed." Riley lifted her left foot and twisted it backwards, kicking Kendall on the butt. "Ow!" He reached around behind him and rubbed the sore spot. "I was kidding Ruby, geez."
Riley craned her head up and looked at him. "Ruby?" She repeated. She lowered her hand, grabbing onto it with his, lacing her fingers between his. She gently swung their arms back and forth between them as they walked through the lobby of the ice rink and out into the parking lot.
Kendall shrugged, bringing his other hand up to his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah…I came up with it recently….you're so pretty and your favorite color is red so…"
Riley snored loudly. "Hockey-Head, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard!" She rolled her eyes before bringing her hand up to scratch her forehead, covering the smile that wormed its way onto her face. "You're lucky I like cheese."
Kendall lifted their intertwined hands and poked her in the cheek. "You're blushing, Ruby."
"Am not!" Riley denied. She let go of his hand and swung her arm around to punch him on the arm. Kendall laughed, rubbing the sore spot, moving a couple of spaces away from her. "I don't blush."
"Yeah, whatever," Kendall replied. Suddenly struck with a thought, he stopped walking and turned to face her. "If no one told you that I was here…what are you doing here?"
Riley crossed her arms over her chest, jutting out her hip. "We can talk about anything right?" Kendall nodded. Of course. That was something that they based their friendship off of that they could tell each other anything, to really talk and not be judged for it. "I'm…I'm going to Dr. Angelo once a week now. Since I had my prescription upped, he thinks it's a good idea if I went once a week rather than the times that I really needed it." She gave a hollow laugh. "Guess I needed it more than that I thought." She ran a hand through her hair. "He's allowing me to open up more and while I said I'd do it, it's been really….weird."
"I don't think it'd be that easy, Ri," Kendall remarked. He scratched the side of his jaw and then caught himself, realizing he was mimicking his father's movement from before. "I mean, you're like, the master at keeping things a secret."
"Aren't I?" Riley placed a hand on her chest, fluttering her eyelashes. Kendall laughed, reaching out and tucked her strand of red hair behind her ear. Her smile faded after a minute. "Anyway, there's something else that I have to do. He says that I have to try and start facing my fears."
Kendall blinked, waiting for her to continue.
"And in some ways, Kendall, it was what made me think about yours and my friendship and…relationship," she continued. "I thought about how things were moving between us and why I said that you needed some time to yourself before we started anything and I realized, in a way, I was scared. So, you being there to support me with this whole bipolar thing that I'm still trying to get used to, I know that I'm never going to get rid of you." Kendall smiled as Riley rolled her eyes again. "I mean, seriously, I keep trying but you don't ever seem to get the hint."
"What's your point, Ri?" Kendall gently pressed. He reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand, smiling as Riley move into the palm of his hand. She reached up a hand and rested it on Kendall's before pulling it away. "Whatever it is, I'll help you…you know I will."
"I just hope that you won't judge or get scared off," Riley finally said. She took a deep breath, starting to rub her arm. "Taking Angel's advice, I've started to let my brothers and sisters read my notebook…and when they're done with it, I want you to read it too."
Kendall blinked in surprise, looking down at her. She looked back up at him, her chin raised in defiance and her eyes now holding an air of confidence rather than anxiety as they had before. She had even stopped rubbing her arm. This was the girl that when he had first met he had only wanted to be her friend, to know that someone was on his side to help him in the industry as Gustavo seemed that he only wanted them to fail.
And through everything that ether of them had been through, she had managed to hold onto that air of confidence and defiance, not allowing anything to tear her down. Now the loss of her parents, not the secret she and her siblings had kept, not even risking her own life to stand up to that man to be sure that her brothers and sisters were safe. This was the same girl that could make fun of him and prove that she was his best friend all in the same sentence, in the same moment.
"If that's what you really want," he said finally. Riley nodded, acknowledging it was true. He smiled; glad to know that in that moment, she really did trust him. It was something he had wanted just as much as he wanted to be her friend to know that she would get to the point where she didn't questions her actions around him or what she would keep from him. "I'm glad that you're finally allowing me to do it. I mean, before, you would practically chew off my hand if I ever touched it." He brought a hand up, rubbing his chin, before pointing at her. "That song that you wrote about me is in there isn't it?"
Riley's upper lip curled. "I told you, I didn't write that song about you!"
Kendall shrugged. "Keep saying that if it makes you feel better."
Riley's eyes flashed. "Do you want to lose your arm?"
"No."
"Then stop pointing at me!"
Kendall pulled his hand back, his elbow bumped his bag. He glanced at his equipment before shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. Rocking on his heels, he slightly bent over, allowing his hair in his face. "I was playing hockey with my Dad today," he said quietly. "I was able to…to tell him some of the things I've always wanted to say. But it didn't help much." He pressed his lips into a thin line, the tension making his muscles ache. "I was only eight or so when he left and I thought that I came out of the whole thing unscathed."
"Unscathed my ass," Riley said.
"Okay," Kendall relented with a chuckle. "Mainly unscathed." He shook his head. "I acted like I didn't care and for the most part I didn't, because I could prove I didn't need him. I didn't know I was holding so much emotional damage."
"You survived," Riley reminded him. Kendall mentally winced. It was an interesting choice of words, considering she didn't know the whole story. Somehow she managed to understand him even with a few details. "That makes you strong." She paused. "Do you believe that even with some things that really bug you about a person, even with some of their biggest flaws staring you in the face that you could still love someone?"
"Yeah…" Kendall shrugged.
"Do you love your Dad?"
Kendall decided not to answer. It was another loaded question he didn't want to think about. Instead, he turned around and moved his arms out to the sides. Riley stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Kendall's neck, her legs around his waist. Kendall hooked his arms around her legs and lifted her up his back. It was a big awkward with his hockey gear in the way, but it was fine. He continued to walk out of the parking lot.
"You're wearing a lot of black today," he noted.
Riley gave him a 'duh' look, then snorted. "Nice subject change," She teased, leaning close to his ear. She then answered his statement. "Next time why don't you just talk about the weather, it's the least you could do when you bore me to death."
"I bore you?" Kendall craned his head back to look at her. "Me? I don't think so."
"No, you really do," Riley insisted. "All you talk about is hockey, all you think about is hockey, you probably dream about hockey. And when you're not doing all that, you're being a dork. Case in point, I don't think I've seen anyone besides you, have Vanilla as their favorite ice cream flavor." She poked him on the back of the head. "You're vanilla."
"I'll show you, Vanilla."
Kendall started to run and spin around, causing Riley to let out a shriek and grab onto his shoulders tighter. She yelled out his name indignantly, but that caused him to run and spin faster, laughter escaping his lips, soon her laughter mixed in with his as well. After a couple of minutes, Kendall slowed down, allowing Riley to drop from his back.
"Fucking jerk!" Riley reached out and punched him on the arm again. She was still laughing. "Do you feel better?"
Kendall nodded. "Yeah," he said honestly. "I do." He leaned down, resting his forehead against hers. "You're amazing, you know that."
"Yep." Riley's quick answer caused the two to laugh again. "You're my best friend, you know that?"
"Yep."
"Then smile, Hockey-Head," it's the second best thing you can do with your lips." She gave him a wicked smirk, grabbed the front of his shirt, and pulled him down, giving him a long kiss. Kendall gently ran his fingers through her hair, kissing her back.
