The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione
Note: Once again, thanks for all the reviews!
I'm really, really sorry that I'm adding in all of this other stuff that is not directly related to the tasks… Well, eventually you will see why all of this crazy stuff had to happen… But until then, I apologize that everything is suddenly so confusing and that the quality of my story is slipping…
Disclaimer: Let's pretend for a second that I owned Harry Potter… Then, I wouldn't be sitting here, typing this, worry about my financial future, my career, my life insurance, and wondering "Why me?". Now wouldn't that be nice?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Chapter 29 – Draco's Fifth Task
The very next morning, Draco woke up to the sound of the rain whipped against the window of the boy's dormitory. The winds howled fiercely and it was very cold in the room. Rather reluctantly, Draco got out of bed and got dressed, seeing as he was unable to sleep any longer. It was six in the morning, and everyone else was not quite awake yet.
Draco sighed. It had been eight days, eight long days since the fight. How much longer would this go on?
Interrupting Draco's thoughts, an owl arrived, or rather, was violently thrown against the glass window by the storm. Draco opened the window, a large gust of wind entering the room. He grabbed the owl, which lay on the windowsill, and carefully retrieved the note tied to its claw. Draco very much wanted to chuck the owl out the window and watch it struggle against the strong winds and heavy rain, but decided against it, since he might be punished for injuring a school owl.
Draco unfolded the wet note, and read it, wondering task he would be forced to complete next.
Task #5, Draco
Send Howlers to Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zambini, Crabbe, and Goyle, yelling at them for being rude, obnoxious, narrow-minded jerks. Send one to Professor Snape, too!
Draco sat down and got to work. He was actually having fun thinking of things to scream at his fellow Slytherins, Pansy in particular. Before long, Draco had written and sealed five red Howlers and was about to deliver them, but suddenly remembered one important detail…
It was raining. Hard.
Draco peered out the window. There was no way that an owl could survive that storm. Draco would have to deliver the Howlers another way…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Fifteen minutes later, Draco was waiting patiently at the door to the Great Hall. Hermione arrived, and the chain appeared.
"Hello, Her-Granger," Draco said. He was glad that his task wasn't too harsh, which meant that the day would be somewhat more calm than usual. No more unexpected happenings today, Draco thought. My task is almost done… What could possibly go wrong?
"Hello, Malfoy," said Hermione. She was reflecting on everything that had happened in the past week… the bath incident… the Howler to Snape… the detentions… Blaise in the Hospital Wing… the broom incident… the food fight… Snape on fire…
Hermione laughed out loud. Draco looked at her strangely.
The two of them walked into the Great Hall.
"Hang on," said Draco, as Hermione proceeded to walk to the Gryffindor table.
"What's wrong?" asked Hermione, stopping abruptly.
"I have to… ah… deliver these," Draco said, holding up the five Howlers.
At first, Hermione was confused, but then she remembered the tasks.
"Oh," Hermione said.
"Let's see… where do Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle usually sit?" Draco asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
"You're asking me this?" Hermione replied, mildly surprised. "Don't you know?"
"I don't really pay attention," said Draco. "I know they sit at the Slytherin Table, but where?"
"I think it's over there, at that end," Hermione said slowly. "I'm not sure. Now that you mention it, I really don't know!"
"See what I mean? You never realize where they are until you really need to know," Draco paused. "I always thought they sat in the middle of the table."
"Wait, isn't Pansy in the Hospital Wing?" asked Hermione.
"Oh, yeah, you're right! She is…" Draco replied. "How do I give her the Howler?"
"Maybe you can use an owl, just keep it inside the castle…" Hermione suggested, but stopped. The look on Draco's face told her that he had a better idea.
"What are you thinking about?" Hermione wondered, but Draco had already started running out of the Great Hall and Hermione had no choice but to follow him.
Five minutes later, Hermione found herself inside the library.
"Conjuring charms… conjuring charms… conj-" Draco paused. "Here it is!" He sat down on an armchair and started reading.
"What on earth are you doing?" Hermione asked.
"Aha!" Draco exclaimed. "Listen to this… In order to conjure an imitation of a magical creature, say the incantation 'Revilica Graos Unterum' while focusing on the image of the creature you wish to appear."
"Why do you…" Hermione started, but immediately understood. "But how can you order it to do something?"
"Uh… I'll use the Imperius Curse on it!" Draco joked.
"Draco!" Hermione said loudly.
"I wasn't serious!" Draco said hastily. "I know, I'll cast some sort of spell on it that makes it do what I say!"
"Do you know any of those spells?" Hermione asked.
"Umm… No. That's going to be a problem," he said. "Well, better start looking…"
Hermione reluctantly helped. Soon, the two of them lost track of time and became completely immersed in reading about strange and unusual spells.
"Hey, look! This spell is supposed to prevent pregnancy!" Draco exclaimed. "I've gotta teach that to…"
Hermione glared at him.
"What? It'll come in handy…" Draco said.
They both resumed reading, forgetting what they were looking for.
"Here's a charm that makes one unusually attractive!" Hermione said after a few minutes.
"You don't need it," Draco said.
Hermione looked at him strangely. Draco hurriedly looked back down at his book.
"This potion is supposed to make the user very intelligent. I bet Crabbe and Goyle could use some," Draco said.
"And Ron," Hermione added.
"And Trelawney! She's so dumb, no wonder she got sacked!" Draco said gleefully.
"I'm glad she's gone! It was bad enough having her for Divination!" said Hermione. "You should've heard her go on and on about how Mars is in opposition and everyone's gonna die in seven days! It was ridiculous!"
"I know! That woman was so annoying!" Draco agreed.
They both paused, surprised that they were actually having a civilized conversation with each other.
"I'm sorry for fighting with you all the time," Hermione said, surprising herself with her apology.
"Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you Mudblood," Draco admitted. "You know, if we weren't so mad at each other, the situation with the tasks never would have happened."
"But I'm kinda glad it did," Hermione said. "It was sort of fun doing all those crazy things. I had a great time. Especially yesterday when Snape caught on fire!"
Draco and Hermione both laughed.
They looked at each other for a while, before Hermione broke away and started reading again. Draco smiled inwardly. Hermione was still the same bookworm that she always was.
"Oh no! What time is it!" Hermione asked suddenly.
Draco practically leapt out of the armchair. It must have been ten o'clock! They were late again!
"It's… uh… nine thirty!" Draco exclaimed, checking the clock on the wall.
"Great!" Hermione sighed. "We're late again! This will go on my permanent record…"
Draco smirked.
Hermione smiled inwardly. No matter what, Draco was still a ferret. But a very cute one.
"Well, since we're here, we might as well stay. I mean, there's no point of going to class, really," Draco said.
"I suppose you're right. Missing class won't hurt," said Hermione. "Okay, we'll stay."
"Let's keep looking for… oh, what did we start out looking for again?" Draco asked.
"A spell to make a conjured magical creature do what you say," Hermione replied with a smile, which Draco returned.
The two of them kept searching for the right spell, while talking and laughing about some odd spells they had discovered.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"We've practically gone through all the spell books in the library! What are we gonna do!" Hermione cried hours later.
"I don't know! Maybe we should just… give up…" said Draco. He closed the book that he had been flipping through and sighed.
"No! We can't give up! The library has never failed me before!" Hermione exclaimed. She tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and grabbed another book off the nearest shelf. "Hmm… 'Useful spells for everyday living'…" she read.
Draco looked at Hermione, standing there, reading. She seemed so… innocent.
Before they knew it, the morning had slipped away and the morning classes were over. The corridors soon became filled with students eager to get to lunch.
Soon, students had entered the library. Ginny Weasley walked over to where Draco and Hermione were sitting.
"Hi, Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, nothing really. Just researching," Hermione said. Draco nodded without looking up from his book.
"Where were you? Harry and Ron have been wondering where you were all morning. You weren't at breakfast and you didn't show up during class," Ginny said in a concerned tone. "I was worried about you."
"I'm fine, Ginny," Hermione replied.
"Okay, well, I'll see you at lunch when you're done doing what you're doing," Ginny said. Hermione slowly nodded. Ginny stood there for a second and rummaged in her book bag. Hermione and Draco continued reading.
Hermione read her book, while many thoughts were running through her mind. Most of her thoughts were about liking… Draco. As much as Hermione hated to admit it, she actually liked Malfoy. A lot. It puzzled her why she had never noticed him before; probably because whenever she saw him she had been occupied with hexing him into the next century, but now that they've been spending more time with each other, they've become… friends… and maybe even more.
Hermione put her book on the table and sighed. This was getting nowhere. Suddenly, something caught her eye. Right next to her on the table was a book titled Methods of Love: Spells, Potions, Chains, and More. Hermione's heart skipped a beat. Slowly, she picked up the book, flipped to the page about chains, and read…
Chains of love are another means of making two people grow fond of one another. Although in most cases the two people don't realize it, the chain that connects them makes them slowly fall in love. Love chains usually connect the right hand of the male and the left hand of the female. Although most are unaware of it, love chains grow longer depending on how deep the love of the two people is.
Hermione was stunned. Love chains. Love chains. She was wearing a love chain! Hermione was horrified. She hadn't really liked Draco; it was the chain! And yet, a part of Hermione was sad that she wasn't truly in love with Draco Malfoy.
She glanced at the chain. It was three feet long. Hermione wondered what that meant.
As Hermione pondered these things, Draco's voice suddenly cut into her thoughts.
"I found it!" Draco shouted. Had Madam Pince been near, both of them would have been thrown out of the library at once.
"Where?" Hermione asked eagerly.
"Right here… It says: To charm an object to do your bidding, simply say the incantation 'Cantal Frueres' and then command it to do what you wish. However, there are certain laws concerning commanding objects, please see page 394. This charm does not work on humans or any living things," Draco read.
"It's perfect!" Hermione said. "You conjure a creature and then order it to deliver the Howlers!"
"So, what should we use?" Draco asked.
"Pardon?" Hermione said, confused by what Draco meant.
"I mean, what creature should we conjure?" he repeated.
"Oh… I'm not sure…" Hermione replied slowly. "It has to be something strange, and yet hilarious to behold. Hmm… How about… a leprechaun?"
"Nah, too annoying. I hate those things!" said Draco.
"Now you're starting to sound like Ron; he hates leprechauns too," Hermione said.
"What about a werewolf?" Draco suggested.
"No! That would scare people to death!" Hermione replied. "Why not a veela? Actually, never mind, they'd cause a lot of trouble…"
"What about a spider?" asked Draco. "Or maybe we should use…"
"A large owl?" Hermione said.
"Hmm… I'm thinking something… two-headed… maybe a… two-headed dog or a two-headed person…" Draco said.
"Yeah, or a two-headed ostrich," Hermione added sarcastically.
"Great idea! A two-headed ostrich! That's perfect!" Draco shouted. Some nearby students stared at him.
"I was being sarcastic!" Hermione protested. "You can't seriously want to use a two-headed ostrich!"
"Yes, I do! Let's conjure it!" Draco said. "What was the spell again?"
"Revilica Graos Unterum, or something like that," Hermione said. "Here, I'll check." She reached for the book, and found the spell. "Yep, I was right."
"Okay… Imagine an ostrich…" Draco said.
"Wait, how do you know what an ostrich is? That's a Muggle bird," said Hermione.
"Well… I saw one when I was vacationing somewhere…" Draco said. "Anyway… Revilica Graos Unterum!"
A two-headed ostrich appeared. Draco and Hermione stared at it.
"Hurry, cast the charm!" Hermione urged.
"Cantal Frueres!" Draco shouted. The two-headed ostrich blinked; both its heads blinked at the same time.
"How do we know if it worked?" Hermione asked.
"Here, I'll try to command it to do something. Uh… ahem… Ostrich, say something!" Draco said.
"Something," the ostrich said in a monotonous tone.
"That was weird," Hermione said. Other students were staring at the ostrich.
"Okay… Take this Howler to Pansy Parkinson," Draco commanded. "And once she's read it, hand out the rest of these."
The ostrich walked off carrying the Howlers, and Draco and Hermione followed it.
They entered the Great Hall, a small crowd of students following them. The two-headed ostrich walked over to the Slytherin table, and many students gasped. Whispers rippled through the tables of students. The ostrich walked up to Pansy Parkinson, whose jaw dropped. One of the heads handed her the Howler in its beak.
Trembling, Pansy opened the Howler. Draco's voice yelled. "PANSY PARKINSON, YOU ARE SUCH A SLUT! YOU ARE ALSO A RUDE, OBNOXIOUS, NARROW-MINDED JERK, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT: YOU ARE THE DUMBEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, BESIDES CRABBE AND GOYLE, BUT I'LL GET TO THEM LATER, AND YOU HAVE AN IQ OF ZERO! YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT WHO IS OBSESSED WITH ME! I AM TELLING YOU NOW TO STOP STALKING ME AND GET A LIFE!" The Howler blew a loud raspberry at Pansy, before ripping itself to shreds. Pansy rushed out of the Great Hall, crying, while the Hall erupted in laughter.
"One down, four more to go," Draco muttered. Hermione was shaking with laugher.
The two-headed ostrich now approached Crabbe, who was too dumb to realize what was happening. He opened the Howler.
"CRABBE YOU ARE SO DUMB THAT IT'S NOT FUNNY! YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET, BESIDES GOYLE! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SOCIAL LIFE AT ALL AND YOU'LL PROBABLY END UP MARRYING GOYLE AND HAVING EIGHT KIDS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! PLUS, YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT; YOU'RE FAT! GET A LIFE, FATSO!"
Crabbe didn't respond, not that he had the brains to say anything intelligent.
Everybody was either in shock or laughing hysterically. Most of them thought that Draco had gone insane, or that he was seriously pissed off by these people.
The two-headed ostrich made its way toward Goyle, and dropped the Howler on his head. Goyle slowly picked it up, using the only ounce of brain cells that he possessed. He opened it.
"GOYLE, SAME THING AS CRABBE! AND YOU FART A LOT!"
The Great Hall erupted into laughter at that last part.
The two-headed ostrich walked towards Blaise, who became very pale. He reluctantly opened the Howler, and everyone held their breath.
"BLAISE, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND AND A PRETTY NICE GUY, BUT I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY: YOU WEAR TOO MUCH COLOGNE! SERIOUSLY! WOULD YOU STOP TRYING TO BEAUTIFY YOURSELF! YOU ARE A PRAT! A BIG PRAT! AND YOU SHAMPOO EVERY NIGHT; DO YOU KNOW HOW IRRITATING THAT IS! YOU PRANCE AROUND HOGWARTS LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE! MY ADVICE IS TO TAKE THE STICK OUT OF YOUR BUTT AND QUIT KEEPING UP THAT PRETTY BOY IMAGE; IT'S MAKING ME SICK!"
Blaise turned even more pale than before, if at all possible. The Great Hall was roaring with laughter, and Blaise was humiliated. He sank lower in his seat.
Lastly, the two-headed ostrich walked to the Teacher's Table and approached Snape.
"This was not part of the plan!" Snape hissed to Dumbledore, who was sitting nearby. Dumbledore smiled and waved, which only made Snape more furious.
He slowly opened a corner of the Howler, but a corner was all it took.
"PROFESSOR SNAPE! YOU ARE WEIRD! YOU NEVER TAKE A SHOWER, YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH, AND YOU PICK YOUR NOSE DURING POTIONS WHEN YOU THINK NO ONE'S LOOKING! AND THEN YOU WIPE IT UNDER THE TABLE! THAT IS DISGUSTING! YOU'RE HAIR IS SO GREASY THAT IT'LL END THE MUGGLE WORLD'S OIL CRISIS AND YOU'RE EARS HAVE SO MUCH WAX THAT YOU COULD MAKE YOUR OWN CANDLE! PLUS, YOU ARE PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING A DATE! THAT IS SO PATHETIC THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE, YOU'RE WEAK! HA! YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGHT A CAT, NO OFFENSE, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! EVERYBODY HATES YOUR GUTS! AND YOUR NOSE IS BIG! AND YOUR ROBES HAVEN'T BEEN WASHED IN THIRTY YEARS! SNAPE, YOU ARE THE LOUSIEST TEACHER THIS SCHOOL HAS EVER SEEN!"
The Great Hall was silent. Snape was red with rage. Suddenly, without warning, everybody burst into laughter. The laughter filled the Great Hall and rang in Snape's ears. Snape was mad. And Draco knew it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Note: I apologize, but I'll have to stop there…
I'm sorry, but this chapter didn't turn out as funny as I had imagined…
Anyways, this was my longest chapter yet! (Over 3000 words, which really isn't a lot)
Please review!
