AN: Once again, thank you for sticking with this story and your continued reviews. They make me very happy!
Eliza's POV
She knows she can't be sure just yet. She can't take the four sticks' outcome as the final result. They need real proof. They need true professionalism to tell them what they desperately need to hear. They need a licensed doctor or nurse to pronounce Arizona's pregnancy and not some plastic objects with Arizona's urine on. They need answers and they need them now.
Eliza's on the verge to explode with excitement and nerves. To be honest, she's been like this ever since founding out about Arizona's possible state. Actually ever since they began this journey of family expanding. Eliza's all hyped today… she's filled with bubbling joy but also terrified shivers. She knows that the stick… all four of them, too… told them a positive story about foetus growing inside of Arizona's stomach but she also knows they aren't exactly reliable. And that's why they are here. That's why Arizona is currently squeezing Eliza's hand so hard it could very well fall of any minute now. She can't let it, though. She needs the hand for when their child arrives. Eliza needs her hand to carry and feed their child. She needs it to cradle and swaddle, to stroke and soothe. Eliza can't lose her hand, no, which means she's got to relax her wife in some way. On the contrary, should she lose her hand, Eliza will be more than capable of finding a way around that particular problem. Nothing's too big now. Eliza can do anything. She can do everything thanks to Arizona. But if she can get to keep her hand that's preferable, though.
Feeling her hand starting to fall asleep and prick from the inside, Eliza places a soft kiss on her wife's cheek. Arizona immediately lightens her grip around Eliza's hands.
"Thanks," Eliza whispers, a kind smile adorned to her face when Arizona looks at her. The blueness in Arizona's eyes never ceases to pull Eliza in. It never stops making Eliza's heart skip a beat. Arizona's eyes are portals Eliza can't stop drowning in or get lost in. But it doesn't matter because they are portals of pure love. Now… although filled with love… they also hold a membrane of fear. "Hey, what's wrong?" Eliza asks concerned as she turns a little in her seat to get a better view of her wife.
"What if… what if, if there's no baby? What if the sticks all lied?" Arizona speaks, her words coming out as a whisper. "What if these, these past few days where you've been so incredibly happy about this pregnancy… what if it's all been for nothing, Eliza? What if I'm not pregnant? What if I've never really been pregnant?"
It breaks Eliza's heart hearing those words fall from her wife's lips. They aren't words she would ever want to hear flowing from that precious mouth, ever. She can't blame Arizona for saying them, though. She's had the exact same words jumping inside of her head as well. But Eliza's done with this. She can't think these thoughts anymore. They've been through so much crap and hardship this last year that she's determined to think they won't have to face anymore. Not now anyway. Arizona is pregnant. There is a baby nestling inside of Arizona's stomach. They are going to be parents. That's not a question, it's a true fact. Simple as that.
"Arizona," Eliza tilts her head, her voice gentle. "You're just fine. You're amazing, even. There's nothing to be scared of. I'm sure. I'm positive… just like all the sticks you peed on," she tries lightening the mood, a crooked smile on her lips. It causes Arizona to smile and for her to also let go of a small snort which makes Eliza's insides squeal in delight. So far she succeeded!
"You're incorrigible," Arizona shakes her head in amusement. "But what if-"
"No buts, honey. And definitely no what if's. We'll know in a bit… and then we can make a list all of the what if's. Deal?"
"Hmm, I guess."
"Good, now…let's just focus on-"
The door leading into the doctor's office opens, cutting Eliza's sentence off abruptly so. Both women fix their gazes upon the slim, young man in the doorframe. Arizona's hand resumes its previous occupation of roughly squeezing Eliza's hand. It doesn't bother her, though. All she feels is the pounding of her heart… her heart that's all of a sudden moved further up her chest and up her throat. Eliza's nervous. She's so nervous she doesn't even know how to move or what to say. It's like she's frozen and clearly Arizona is experiencing the exact same thing this instant. They cannot stay here, though, that much she knows. Action is very much needed now. Action… and bravery.
"Arizona Minnick-Robbins," the man calls out all the while his eyes are on Arizona. His voice is kind but certain. Eliza can almost see the blue in his eyes draw them against him. They are so clear blue it almost makes Arizona's eyes pale in comparison. But just almost. "We've got the result. Come on in, please."
All of a sudden, Arizona raises and pulls Eliza up to follow her into the room. It happens in seconds and now they are here… sitting in front of this young man who's sitting behind his desk. His lips are moving, his eyes are saying something too, just as his body language. But Eliza can't hear anything. It's like she's suddenly gone deaf. It's like she's under water and all she can hear is mumbling and echoing of sounds she can't quite differentiate. She tries narrowing her eyes as to really look like she's understanding everything this man is telling them. She really tries but all her nerves have camped out in her ears. It's rather unfortunate, really. She needs those ears now. She needs them to finally get the information they've needed to know for so long now. Arizona pulls at Eliza's hand causing Eliza to turn her attention to her wife and break from the inner turmoil she's experiencing. The facial expression that greets her when looking at Arizona is making Eliza all kinds of emotional. An emotional wreck to be more exact. Eliza doesn't need words to get what's just happened. She doesn't need words or even ears to understand what kind of information they have just been given. Eliza doesn't need the man's words nor does she need the words of her wife to figure out what their future holds. Arizona's eyes say it all. The unshed tears threatening to fall from the ocean blues Eliza loves so much are being very expressive. This is real. This is happening. This is now. And they can't do anything about it… even if they wanted to. This is just how it's going to be.
"Eliza…"
She knows Arizona is trying to get a reaction from her, she knows that. It's just that Eliza's got trouble finding the right words. She's still trying to get her heart into function. It's hard but it's necessary. She owes Arizona a reaction. And she usually isn't this vague in showing expressions, especially not where her wife is concerned. But this… this is all new to Eliza. This is all she's ever wanted but how do one react when finally getting one of their wishes granted?
"Please… say something, honey."
"I'll leave you be," the young man informs gently. "And once again, congratulations."
"Thank you. So much," Arizona replies, her voice clearly laced with gratitude and excitement. The door closing behind them, Arizona places a hand on Eliza's knee. "You gotta say something, Eliza. I don't know what you're thinking and it might not be good thoughts because you haven't said anything like… at all. And now the doctor just told us that I'm actually pregnant but you haven't said a word and that might be because you're thinking about all the what if's but you were just out there telling me not to think of those things and, and, and now you're just silent and I don't know what to do with that. And I'm, I'm just happy like out of my body happy, so please… can you say something, get it off your chest and then, then be… happy, with me? Please? I really need you to be happy with me…"
All of Arizona's words are coming out as a rant caused by panic, impatience and joy she doesn't know where to put. All of these words are words Eliza recognizes and stores in the back of her mind. Those were words and sentences she needed to get the finish of… because as cool and gathered as her wife can be, these crazy rants sometimes appear. And Eliza loves them. She can't let her wife circulate anymore, though. She needs to calm Arizona down. All Eliza needed was one of Arizona's ramblings for her to gather herself and get up to speed with the current moment. Arizona is pregnant and they are going to be parents. It's a new milestone in their life. It's a new reality. A reality Eliza can't wait to get started on.
"I love you," is all Eliza is able to get out of her mouth at this moment. Because it's true, it really is. She loves Arizona so much it cannot be said too often. Eliza loves her wife more than anyone will ever be able to understand and define. It's just not possible. But Eliza can continue to inform her wife of her strong feelings regarding her every day and night for as long as she lives. And now Arizona is actually carrying her child… that is the greatest love confession of all. It is the most precious gift of all, to be honest. Arizona is walking around with a baby inside of her; with Eliza's baby. It's crazy and scary and such an enormous declaration of trust and honour.
"W-what?" Arizona stutters a little surprised, her eyes shining with happiness at Eliza's outburst.
"I love you," Eliza repeats, inching closer to her wife to brush her lips against the ones opposite her. "I love you… and our baby, so much."
"So you did get the news, huh?" Arizona screws up her face only to let a big smile graze her face afterwards. "Thought you'd left me there for moment."
"Never!" Eliza narrows her eyes, cupping Arizona's cheek. "I'm not about to make you a single parent," smirking, Eliza pecks her wife's lips once again.
"Ha, ha."
"I just… I got lost, you know," Eliza starts, leaning a bit back in her seat to better look her wife in the eyes. "All kinds of thoughts blew up, and suddenly I couldn't hear and then he left and you looked so happy and then you started rambling… which is still cute, by the way."
"You mean like you are doing now?" Arizona raises an eyebrow.
"No, no, you do the rambling thing so much better and cuter."
"Anyhow…" Arizona shakes her head in disbelief while chuckling. "Let's sum up."
"Yup. You are pregnant," Eliza states as a ginormous smile breaks her face. Eliza's heart has been on her outsides for half an hour now, and she can't get it back in. She's exposed but it doesn't matter. She's going to be a mother. She's having a baby. Her heart will forever be on her sleeve, outside her chest. Forever. There's just no turning back now. Thankfully.
"We are expecting a baby."
"A December baby."
"A Christmas baby, go figure," Arizona smiles. "It's crazy."
"It really is," Eliza stands and pulls Arizona up with her, both of her hands laced with her wife's. "It's really happening. There's someone… in there," Eliza looks down and fixes her gaze upon Arizona's stomach. "It's… surreal."
"I know," Arizona laughs. "Think about it… there's a tiny human inside of me. One that keeps me from drinking wine."
"Yeah, poor baby," Eliza echoes her wife's laughter while pulling her into a bone crushing hug. "Just to be clear… I wasn't talking about the baby."
"I got that," Arizona puffs, crinkling her nose. "Let's go," she suggests, smiling. "Dr. Toddler's medical twin might need his office back."
"He does have very blue eyes, doesn't he?" Eliza states, nodding as they exit the room, hand in hand.
"Right? I'm sure they're related. No one's got that blue eyes without being genetically related."
"Um, Arizona?" Eliza raises an eyebrow as she presses the button of the elevator.
"Mmh?"
"Have you looked into a mirror lately?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, have you? If anyone's got blue eyes, it's gotta you, and surely you know that already. And as far as I'm informed, you are not related to either Dr. Toddler nor Dr. Avery, are you?"
"That's not what I meant," Arizona counters. "I just meant that… they look so much alike, you know. The only thing confirming that they are in fact two different persons are-"
"The shorts," Eliza adds amused. Arizona's told her so much about her shrink that Eliza knows all about the naked shins and the icy-blue eyes that more times than not has caused her wife annoyance. It's rather hilarious, really.
"The shorts," Arizona nods enthusiastically. "Shorts, Eliza… who with a common sense wears shorts when it's freezing out?"
"People who are warm and has a high body temperature, I guess," Eliza chuckles as the elevator doors open and they both step into the carriage.
"I'm still not convinced," Arizona shakes her head only to rest it against Eliza's shoulders.
"Of course not," Eliza grins to herself as the elevator takes them down and a comfortable silence falls upon them.
Eliza's one hand is laced with Arizona's while the other one is tucked safely into her pocket, readying itself for the frosty February atmosphere they're going to meet in a matter of minutes. It might be freezing out but deep inside her body Eliza's all warm and burning. She's full of so much love and gratitude, so much excitement. It's ignited every wick deep inside of her causing beautiful flames to arise. Eliza's cheeks are burning. Her heart is beating… stronger than it has ever done. And it feels empowering. It feels levitating. It feels mesmerizing. But most of all, it feels out of this world amazing.
Tapping away on the keys, Eliza is in the middle of doing a research on the Lawson vs. Lawson custody case. Checking up on the father's orthodontist clinic and the new girlfriend as well, Eliza tries not to let her emotions get the better of her. She's always been professional, always sticking to the protocol. It has never been hard. It has never been something she has ever questioned. Eliza has never had any trouble in doing her work, she's always made the child her first priority. But now, now she finds herself having trouble doing just that. Not that she doesn't want to put the boy's needs and health above anything, but she somehow finds herself having these conflicted feelings towards both of the parents. It's strange, really. She has never struggled with researching and pointing out errors, she's never let emotions cloud her way of doing her research or thought about how it could affect the parent she doesn't advocate. Of course, she has thought about it, she's not a cold hearted snake after all, but she's just never really thought about it, you know? But now, with Arizona expecting their child, Eliza's suddenly seeing things in a completely different way. It's like the angle has changed and given her another view to grasp. And frankly, it's making Eliza a little uncomfortable. All those stupid, stupid emotions.
"Um, are you okay?"
Eliza snaps her head up and away from her screen, catching the stare of her fellow from across their shared office. Penny is looking at her rather concerned. "I'm fine. Why, why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just that… um, you're really working that keyboard, you know," the redhead informs Eliza, her tone kind.
Penny has actually behaved ever since Eliza informed her that she had to be professional, otherwise she would have to take it up with Mr. Webber. None of them wanted to include Mr. Webber in Penny's crush on Eliza, and especially not Eliza. So they had agreed on them just co-working and on Penny putting her feelings aside. It's actually been working out quite well. There's only been small slips here and there. Penny doesn't know Eliza knows, though. But Eliza sometimes feels how the redhead looks at her from her desk or when they are in court. Sometimes it's hard for Eliza to shake the glaring off, though. Just as she had asked of Mr. Webber to stop the staring, she somehow got someone new to stare her down. She can't be bothered with it, though. She has made it very obvious to Penny that there won't ever be anything between them. Eliza made it clear that she only wanted professionalism and protocol where Penny is concerned, and the redheaded woman agreed. She gets it, though. Eliza gets that it can be extremely hard to just put aside your feelings… she's been in that particular situation herself a little over a year ago. And yeah, it isn't funny. It's very similar to hell, actually. But that's just how it's going to be. Eliza can't have Penny's crush affecting neither of their work ethics nor cases.
"I am?" Eliza furrows her brow, leaning back in her seat. "Sorry. I guess, I'm just a little… I don't know… affected these days."
"You are? How come?"
"It's… nah, it's nothing," Eliza cut's herself off with a wave. "Just, sorry for bothering you."
"No, really. It's okay. Just, if you ever want to talk to someone, you know… you can, you know, um, talk to me?"
"I don't know," Eliza hesitates. She doesn't want to include Penny in her personal business but on the other hand, she's about to burst. She's got all of this excitement inside of her, something she hasn't yet been able to announce. Arizona and her have decided not telling people before after the three months' appointment. To be absolutely sure. But it's like two months away and Eliza is trying real hard not to spill any beans. Penny asking now has Eliza torn in every way possible… because she really wants to tell Penny or just anyone, really. But she also doesn't want to break the agreement she's made with her wife and furthermore include the woman who's crushing on her in her personal life. She shouldn't tell her, though. She just shouldn't. But it's really freaking hard not to when it's all Eliza's able to think about. Every moment of every day. She just cannot think of anything else. She is going to become a mom, they both are. It's incredible. And she wants to shout it from every roof top imaginable. She wants to share the big, big news with everyone kind enough to listen… and the ones who won't listen, as well. It's just too big of a deal not to tell people. It's after all one of her long time dreams that are coming true. It's beyond everything Eliza's ever dreamed of, really. Her heart beats frenzied, amped up with butterflies and candyfloss and rollercoaster rides… it's all just very, very good. Too good to be kept inside. "Okay… um, so yeah, Arizona's pregnant," Eliza can't keep the giant smile from appearing on her face. It's there to stay… forever, she can't even deny it. She won't, either. "Arizona's pregnant and I think, um, I think that's why I… I'm suddenly seeing things in a whole new way, you know. Like I'm gonna be a parent and I represent parents in court every day, but now it's different, you know?"
"You're having a baby?" Penny asks more to herself than Eliza, her eyes narrowing.
"Yes."
Penny vacates her chair and rounds the corner of Eliza's desk, bending down and putting her arms around her. Everything inside Eliza yells for her to pull out of the hug but she can't. The hold Penny's got on her is too tight to escape, so she just waits for it to pass. Finally, Penny lets go, although the very heavy perfume lingers in the air around Eliza. "Congratulations," the redhead offers, a soft smile on her lips when getting back into standing position. "I'm very happy for you, Eliza."
"Well, um, th-thank, thank you," Eliza fumbles to find her words. "And um, let's get back to being professionals again, yeah?"
"Yeah, sorry, I just… I got carried away, I guess," Penny hurries as she gets back to her desk, resuming her work from earlier. "It won't happen again, I promise."
Eliza's all kinds of speechless. Not because she felt something stir inside of her when Penny hugged her, but mostly because it had been so unexpected and unprofessional. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Eliza picks up her phone from beside her keyboard. Quickly swiping her finger against the screen, Eliza taps the message app and sends off a text to her wife, desperately needing the contact.
Hi honey, I know you're working but…
I just wanted to check up on you and the baby? You both good? :)
You on board with take-out in front of the fireplace tonight?
Can't wait to see you, I love you.
Arizona being only five weeks pregnant doesn't mean that Eliza's only worrying five times a day. No, in fact, it makes Eliza think even more about her wife and their baby. Not only worrying, though, but also just… all kinds of thoughts. Good thoughts, exciting thoughts… and all the while she's thinking those thoughts the need of spending more time with her wife has doubled tenfold these last few weeks. It's disturbing, but it's welcoming. It's amazing, really. Luckily, it's mutual which makes it all that more spectacular and special. Smiling at her screensaver, Eliza's heart escalates like rackets transforming into fireworks. The beautiful face of her magnificent wife along with the knowledge of that said wife carrying their baby, illuminates every ounce of Eliza's body and that is exactly what will help Eliza through the rest of this day.
