Nope, they still haven't had sex due to his surgeries. I wouldn't skip a sex scene guys. Both of them need it through. And they left separately.
Christian
She's gone…
I fucking knew she would leave me. Keeping that from her ruined everything between us and now she's gone. Maybe it's for the best though. It seems that every time I'm around her she seems to dig her emotions deeper and deeper into a dark hole.
I fucking love this woman. I want her to be in my life as long as I can, but it seems like I'm doing a shitty job at that. I guess I can't keep my promise to Ray. Ana doesn't want me to take care of her, so how can I if she won't let me? I'm so fucking sorry Ray.
I walk across the streets of Seattle, keeping my face hidden. I'm on my way to the spot where Grace would always take me when I needed to be alone. She said it was better to have someone by your side than to be alone. Being alone causes an emptiness inside of you. Something I'm feeling right now.
When I reach the park, I notice a few homeless people asleep on the benches. Two of them are children, and they are forced to sleep on the ground. I shake my head. Heartless assholes. It's cold as hell out here and those kids are barely wearing anything and laying on wet grass. I remember those days.
I forgot my wallet, so I can't do shit for them. Goddammit.
I walk over and hand my gloves over to one of the kids, and my coat to the kid without one. I pull my hat further down.
"Thanks." one frowns, clearly confused.
"No problem." I turn away and walk over to mine and Grace's tree.
I start climbing it and realize that it's much easier to get up now than when I was seventeen. I guess it's because of the extra tree limbs. When I grab the last limb, I pull myself into a sitting position. Damn, I'm freezing my ass off. I quickly blow warm air into my hands.
I look up and see that everything is hidden by clouds. I chuckle. Even the world around me is full of darkness. Many men out there are probably getting mugged in street corners. Prostitutes are giving blow jobs for their next fix. Mothers selling their children in the hopes of a better life. Men gambling their lives away. The world around me is pathetic and it's like nobody cares if we go down in flames one day. The woman I love is gone because of me. I keep secrets from my family. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't deserve any of them. I deserve the life I had before Grace had saved me. All I've done is ruin everyone else's around me. Throwing all of their emotions around like it's a game of basketball.
I remember the song that I wrote for Grace. The time I knew something was first wrong. The time when I was sent off to rehab. I slowly let the first verse pour quietly out of my mouth as I think of Ana. Maybe it's best this way.
This time, this place misused, mistakes
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know you know, you know
I stop and lean my head against the tree. Thoughts of Ana run through my mind. Her laugh. Her smile. A small psst! comes from the bottom of the tree. When I look down I see those two boys. They're sitting down and looking up at me, as if they're waiting for something.
"What?"
"You going to keep singing or not?" I shake my head. "Come on. It's like a lullaby."
"You know it's not right to talk to strangers kid." I say annoyed.
"It's not like our situation could get any worse." he shrugs.
"Yes it could." I sigh. "Now if you lay your asses down and not make any sounds that attract attention this way, I'll do it."
"Told you I could do it. " the taller one elbows the shorter one. I roll my eyes. He reminds me of Elliot.
"I told you to just leave him alone." the younger one says quietly. I jump out of the tree and sit on the ground by them.
"It's fine, just don't trust anyone. Understand?" they nod.
I lean back against the tree and cross my legs. Kids need to be careful. You can't trust anyone in this goddamn world today. I fucking know. Men and women out there are sick and twisted beings.
The boys decide to sit beside me and lean against the tree as well. This is making me miss my daughter. What if Ana is home and doesn't want me there? What if she doesn't want me to go near Gracie again. The thought sends a pain throughout my chest. First the love of my life, then probably my daughter.
I shake my head. Try and push the thoughts away Grey. I push the hat lower to where it's covering my whole face. Fuck it's freezing. I look at the kids.
"I'm fucking freezing." they laugh.
"Thanks for the jacket." the little one says.
"Thanks for the gloves." the oldest says.
"If I get pneumonia, you guys have to explain to my manager why I have frostbite." I grumble.
"Manager?" the little one questions me. I'm about to tell him not to worry about it, but his brother speaks up.
"He's that famous singer, Phoebe." I raise an eyebrow at him. "We may live on the streets, but that doesn't mean we don't keep up to date."
"Wait." I look at the youngest. "Phoebe?" a smile spreads across the young ones face.
"Yeah, she's my sister." the oldest says. "We have to keep her hair short and face dirty. You are right about not trusting people. My names Theodore by the way, but everyone calls me Theo."
I look at the little girl. She looks to be around five. Her hair is cut short in a sloppy way and dirt and mud is smudged all over her cheeks and forehead. Her eyes are a light blue and her hair is brown. When I look at Theo, he looks around seven years old. He's tall for his age, mature too. He has curly copper hair and light blue eyes like his sisters. I would think he was mine but my ass has always worn a condom up until Ana. Wait, how the fuck do these kids know about my music. Some songs are vulgar as hell.
"What are you doing listening to my music?" I ask.
"Don't worry. We don't listen to the bad ones." Theo rolls his eyes. "You have to realize we don't have much going for us."
"I've realized that Theo."
"Just making sure." he says.
"Can you sing so he'll be quiet." Phoebe says. I chuckle when Theo sticks his tongue out.
"You two are really making me miss my daughter." I admit.
"Why aren't you with her?" Phoebe asks. Oh, the mind of a child.
"How old are you Phoebe?"
"Four." she lays her head against my arm.
"I'm not with her because I did something bad." I sigh.
"What did you do?" Theo asks.
"How old are you?"
"Six." holy shit. "Well? What did you do?"
"I lied to my daughter's mother. It may not seem like much, but after what's been going on in my life right now it was the worst thing to do."
"We understand. That's why me and my sister are living on the streets. Our father lied and it had gotten our mom killed. My sister and I ran as the man has taken our father with him. The man's other guys were looking for us as we left."
"How long have you been living on the streets?" I ask him.
"Almost two years."
"How were you able to take care of your sister?" I ask. "She was only two."
"I was used to taking care of her in the beginning. My mom and dad weren't good parents. Drug addicts and dealers. So we basically took care of each other. As soon as we left I made sure to take as many blankets as I could. I had to steal a buggy just so that I could carry her when she got tired. I wasn't that strong at the age of four."
I just look at him. He reminds me of myself when I was little. He's trying to survive just like I was doing. The only thing he's doing is succeeding. I was never able to succeed in survival. They always beat the survival skills out of me. I always just gave up after the beatings.
"Not many people can do that. Even at my age some people aren't capable of something that heroic." I tell him.
"I just wanted to help my little sister." he looks over. "Phoebe?"
"Hmm?" I look over and see that her eyes are closed.
"Wake up. We have to go get our spot back or will be sleeping in the alleyway." he says annoyed.
"No, he's warm. I thought he was going to sing." she yawns. I wish I actually felt warm.
"Come on Phoebe. He needs to get home." The sighs. Damn.
"How about I sing a few songs so you two are able to fall asleep. I'll take you back to the place I saw you when you are both asleep. Deal?"
"Please don't make me not trust you." Theo says.
"I'm not a killer Theo." he shakes his head.
"Don't take us to an orphanage." he whispers. "They're worse than the streets." I frown.
"I won't Theo. I promise."
He sigh and leans back against the tree. I wrap my arms around the two of them and they lay their heads against my shoulders. After a few seconds of just sitting in complete silence I let the words silently fall from my lips.
This time, this place misused, mistakes That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know you know, you know
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
So far away, so far away I wanted, I wanted you to stay
Been far away for far too long
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long
So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me and
Never let me go, keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go
Hold on to me and never let me go
As I finish the song, I feel both sides of my shoulders are heavier. When I look I realize that both Theo and Phoebe are asleep. I guess they were truly exhausted. Poor kids. Shit, I really miss Gracie. I bet she would like Phoebe and Theo. My smart baby girl. My smile is wiped away as soon as I remember what John told me about Ana disappearing.
I pull the kids closer and begin another song. I hope they find her. If they don't, it would be all my fault again. The woman I love is missing because of me if she doesn't return.
Fuck it's cold…
