Chapter 29: Settle Down (No Doubt)


I had more than hope now, my faith in her and us had been restored.

I still had fears about the dark possibilities in my life but I wasn't going to worry.

Life was full of maybes and worries but this time, I was going to have faith in myself.

Because being sober meant so much more than staying clean for me.

Being sober was the difference between having a life and being alone.

And I had promised myself a long time ago...that I would never allow myself to be alone ever again.

That was a promise...above all else that I planned to keep.


Santana's POV


It felt so good to walk into the apartment and see my son stare at me in shock.

"Mami!" he screeched and then he ran and threw himself against my legs.

I leaned down and picked him up into my arms.

He looked at me with such a happy smile and then leaned in and kissed my face.

"Wuv you, Mami." He said as he hugged my neck.

I rubbed his back and kissed his neck.

"I love you too, Papa."

"Tickoh!" He squealed and squirmed in my arms.

"Ma?" I looked over at Ari and she was holding Daniela's arms as she looked up at me with outstretched hands.

"Oh my baby." I was in heaven as I delighted in my kids.

I put Isaac down on his feet so that I could make my way over to Daniela when I felt him hit my leg.

"Bad Mami!" and then he hit me again.

I looked down at him like he was crazy.

"Did you just hit Mami?"

He nodded and went to do it again but I was faster than he was and I caught his hand as I crouched down.

"No hitting, Isaac."

"Bad Mami!" He stomped his foot and crossed his arms over his chest.

"No hitting...do you understand?"

"No!" he yelled and then went to hit me again.

"That's enough."

I picked him up clear off the ground and walked over to the chaise seat that was all by itself in between the bookshelves and sat him down.

I got down on my knees in front of him and looked him in his eyes.

"You will sit here until you are ready to say sorry."

"No."

"Don't you move."

He looked like he was ready to try to climb down but he didn't.

When I turned back towards the room, they were all looking at me in shock.

"What?"

"How did you do that?" Britt asked as she peaked over my shoulder at him.

"Don't look at him, B. Let him sit there until he is ready to apologize. I had to take those court mandated parenting classes. They talked about this. He needs boundaries. So I just set one."


I sat down on the floor and held my hands out to Daniela.

Ari held onto her hands and held her up as she took steps towards me.

She looked so proud of herself.

When she stood right in front of me, Ari let her hands go and she stood there looking at me and clapped her hands together.

"Yay...look at you!"

"Ma!"

As I sat there looking at my daughter as she achieved something major, my heart felt so full.

This was my life and I wouldn't trade if for anything.

I knew as I looked at her that I would do everything in my power to protect her from the Marco's of the world.

I would make sure that her and Isaac stuck together and looked out for one another.

Seeing her smile at me, just reinforced my will to stay sober.

Because I didn't want to go another day without my children.

My history...my childhood had been less than perfect and up until a few months ago, my children were in line to say the same thing.

But now...I realize just how much they deserve to just be kids...to just have everything that they need.

I want to be an active participant in their lives, the good and the bad.

They would need me and I would be there.

Plain and simple.

Because they come first before all else.

They are my reason and my purpose for waking up each morning.

And I thank God for them.


Rachel and Puck left to pick up Quinn from the airport and Ari caught a ride home so within minutes we were all alone.

Just the four of us.

Britt had gone into the kitchen to make dinner and I was building blocks with Daniela, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I looked over and met eyes bluer than the sky.

"Mami, I sorry. No more hits. I sorry, K?"

"Okay." I said as he held open his arms so that I could hug him.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my lap.

Daniela saw him and handed him a block.

"Bock!" She said and he smiled at her.

"Thank you." He said before putting it on top of the little tower.

I sat there watching them play for a while and it made me so happy to see.

Sometimes, it surprises me that its a little over a year out of high school and I am a mother of two.

"Ana?" I looked up from the kids and there stood Britt with a bottle in her hand.

"It's time for bed...can you get Izzy washed up and in bed while I feed Dani?"

"Yep! Let's go kiddies."

I put Isaac down on the floor and then scooped up Daniela.

He didn't protest this time, he just walked beside me as I handed the baby to Britt.

I could tell that he had learned a lesson.

And even if he did it again, he knew that there was a consequence, and that was the point.


Right before I left the city and moved six hours away, Britt and I sat down and discussed how we were going to handle the kids.

I agreed to come down every other weekend and spend it with them.

Unfortunately, once I realized just how daunting the drive was to make, it ended up that I would leave Lima after work on Fridays, show up on Saturdays at Rachel's or Mami's house. Britt would bring the kids early in the morning and then I would have them all day long and then I would get on the road early Sunday, so that I could get to work that night on time.

Sometimes, I would manage to get two Saturdays in a row off and Britt would let me have the kids. She worked all day on Saturdays so she was flexible with my time with them.

The thing that we had agreed on that made sense to me at the time, was that I wasn't allowed to have them overnight and I wasn't allowed to take them anywhere unless I had someone else with me.

It broke my heart every time that I had to leave them or every time, I couldn't take them out to the zoo or to lunch, just the three of us but then I would remember why I had agreed to that rule and I would immediately feel guilty.

So a lot of my time with them was spent, teaching them things and using our imaginations.

Isaac and I would crawl around and let Daniela chase us or Isaac would play peek a boo with Daniela.

It was always fun but each time, Britt would come by and scoop them up and leave.

There were no good nights, no tucking them in, and no bedtime stories.

I hated it.

Without fail I would sob uncontrollably the whole ride back to Lima.

So when Britt called me and asked me if I wanted to spend the night on Christmas Eve and maybe the whole week...I nearly jumped through the phone so that I could hug her.

It was like a dream come true.


Brittany's POV


I'm not supposed to be worried but I can't help it.

Gladys told me though, that I have to start trusting her.

So I'm not going to hover over her while she gives Izzy a bath.

I'm going to keep feeding Dani and I'm not going to worry.

Dani felt heavy in my arms as I burped her over my shoulder.

She was already asleep which I was grateful for because it would give me a reason to check in on Ana.

I changed Dani's diaper one last time and then tucked her into the crib.

Her blonde curls were becoming looser and framing her face.

She looked like an angel.


I kissed her face and then walked out of the room and into Izzy's room.

Ana was on her knees as she rubbed his back.

He was almost asleep as she sang softly to him.

She had tears in her eyes as she looked down at him and I knew immediately that I had done the right thing.

Izzy was watching her with a smile on his face as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Eventually though, they closed and he began to snore lightly.

"I love you, Papa." She whispered as she kissed his cheek.

I smiled at her and then headed over to Izzy.

She didn't say anything to me as she headed out to go kiss the baby goodnight.

Our routine of putting the kids to sleep was still in tact.

And it felt so right.

Ana was home again and for the first time in months, I felt safe.

If only I could get her to stay forever.


Santana's POV


The kids were both asleep and it was just hitting nine.

Britt and I sat down in the kitchen and ate the chicken and spaghetti that she made for us.

She pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider and poured us each a glass.

I could tell that she had put a lot of thought into dinner.

"So how was it putting him to bed?" She asked as she cut into her chicken.

"It felt so right...each moment with them just reminds me what I'm fighting so hard for."

"I need to tell you something." She looked annoyed but I could tell that it wasn't at me.

"Okay."

"While you were playing with the kids, I called Grady and I told him that he needed to pull back. That I needed him to stop coming around."

"Yea? What did he say?"

"He called me a bitch and a cocktease."

"He said what?!" I felt my anger spike but then she shook her head and took a sip of her cider.

"He's not worth it. Trust me."

"Okay...thanks for telling me, B."

"I am just sorry that I even went there. He has this hold over me and it's like I just can't think straight."

I knew that feeling.

Marco had a similar hold over me for years.

I couldn't fault her for that.

"Let's enjoy our dinner...okay?" I said as I put my hand over hers.

She looked down at our hands and then blushed.

"Okay."

"Good."

I pulled my hand back and immediately missed her touch.

But I couldn't lead her on.

I wasn't ready and deep down, I knew that she wasn't either.


I cleaned up the kitchen while Britt took a shower and I tool my time as I tried to get my head together.

This was really happening, I was really here.

It wasunbelievable still.

Britt was still in the shower as I finished up in the kitchen.

I made myself a cup of coffee and then headed to the living room.

I climbed over the gate and made my way over to my piano.

There was a table right beside it that had sheet music on the second part and a coaster on the first.

I smiled, because it seemed like Britt had thought of everything.

After placing my mug down, I slid onto the bench and raised the cover.

I closed my eyes and lightly dusted my fingers over the coolness of the keys.

A feeling of utter bliss filled my soul as I sat there looking out at the city that I had always planned to call home.

I took a deep breath and then played the first note, the sound of it was enough to make my toes curl.

I launched into the melody of the song that I had written for Beyoncé.

When I had sent it to her, she called me back with it playing in the background and thanked me so much for it.

She told me how she fell in love with it from the first note.

I hadn't always been a huge fan of hers until she went on to have a full half hour conversation with me about the melodic undertones to such a deeply tormented song.

She was a musician like me and suddenly I was one of her biggest fans.


"Merry Christmas Ana."

I looked up to see Britt holding a red box in front of me.

She had a nervous look in her eyes and was nibbling on her lip again.

I slid over and made room for her on the bench.

But she didn't move until I took the slender box from her.

"What is it?"

"Open it silly."

"Okay."

I moved the ribbon off the box and then slowly lifted the lid.

I looked over at her and she was peering inside the box as if she hadn't seen the gift already.

When I looked down at the rosary, I couldn't help but notice the simplicity but also the intricate detail of it.

"It's Izzy and Dani's birthstones with pearls in between for your birthstone. It's handmade."

I placed the box down on the keys and pulled the rosary from the box.

It was long just how I liked it.

My vision was suddenly cloudy as I ran the smooth beads through my fingers.

"I wasn't sure what to buy you...because...well we aren't together and I didn't want you to think that I was pushing myself on you or anything."

She was rambling and all I wanted to do was kiss her.

So I did.

Britt's hands cupped my face as I moved closer. Her kiss touched a part of me that I had closed off for a long time.

She pulled back and looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"I miss you so much." She brushed a thumb over my lips before leaning in and kissing me again. "Please be with me again, Ana."

I looked up in her eyes and then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Britt can be relentless when she wants something. It's both entirely intoxicating and frustrating at the same time.

"I want that so fucking bad, B...it just that..." I watched her nod in understanding.

"You still want to go slow."

I leaned in and kissed her lips again and then pulled away and sighed.

"Please understand this, Britt Britt."

"What can I do to change your mind?"

"Britt...please?" I was begging her to respect what I wanted even though by kissing her I had totally sent her mixed signals. "Let's just be us...let's not label it. Okay?"

She leaned forward and pulled me into a hug.

"Okay...but just promise you will tell me when you're ready."

I pulled away and held out both of my pinkies

"I double pinky promise."

She broke out into a huge smile and took both of my pinkies in hers.

It was the perfect way to close out such an awkward conversation.


I stood in the shower and ran my fingers over my new rosary and thought about the thought that Britt put into it.

Even with the Grady situation, I knew that she was really trying. I wanted to be with her so badly.

I peaked out of the shower just to make sure the door was locked and then turned up the heat of the water. It was my first hot shower in almost a week and I was really enjoying it.

I wanted her so badly and my body wanted her even more than that. I touched between my legs and could feel just how much I wanted her.

We were going to be sharing a bed and I couldn't go to bed feeling like this. I felt like I had a boner...she would know if I wanted her.

I brushed across my clit.

"Fuck." I muttered. "Britt."

The thought of Britt touching me made my body tremble. I moved my fingers faster and imagined her hovering over me. I bit down on my lips to keep from screaming out as I dipped two fingers inside and used my palm to work my clit.

"Oh God...f-fuck Britt!" I moaned as I came.

I rested against the wall and tried to catch my breath. I pushed the shower door open and there sitting against the sink holding my towel looking flushed, was Britt.

"That...uh...was super hot." she said as she handed me my towel. "The um...the door doesn't really lock. Izzy locked himself in here and I had to pop it to get it open. Hasn't worked since."

"Fuck." I was so embarrassed.

"At least I know that you still want me back."

She smiled and then got up and walked out of the bathroom and shut the door.

I leaned against the sink and tried to get myself together.

"Fucking perfect timing."


When I crawled into bed Britt was on the phone whispering quietly.

It wasn't my business.

I curled up around my body pillow and closed my eyes when I felt her nudge me. I turned my head and she was holding my phone out.

"It's your mom."

I smiled when I realized that it had been an innocent phone call. I took the phone and put it to my ear.

"Bendicion, Mami."

"Hola mija! Merry Christmas! We can't wait to see you tomorrow at dinner!"

"I can't wait to see you either."

"Brittany tells me that you two kissed...I thought you told me that you wanted to take it slow when we talked last week."

I shot Britt a look and she blushed and rolled onto her side to watch me. She was wide eyed as she nibbled on her lip.

"Mami we are taking it slow. Britt knows how I feel...she knows that I want to focus on slowly making my way back."

"Bueno. Tell me...how did you like the rosary?"

"It's beautiful. I love it."

"That's great! Okay mija, I'm going to let you get some rest. You two behave!"

"I know Mami!"

When I hung up, I lunged towards Britt and tackled her. She squealed as I tickled her sides.

"I can't believe that you told her!" I growled as I hovered over her.

"I'm sorry! Ana I'm gonna pee myself. Oh my goodness. Stop!"

I kissed her cheeks and then climbed off her and collapsed next to her.

"Did you really just come out and tell her?"

She threw her leg over my hip and shook her head.

"She asked about the rosary and it just slipped out!"

"Sure!" I said as I laid against my pillow and leaned against her body.

"I'm happy that you're here, Ana."

"I'm happy to be here."

I turned around and backed up against her and enjoyed the feeling of her holding me.

This was where I belonged and I would do everything that it took to make things right.


"Mami? Mama?"

I opened my eyes to Isaac peaking over the edge of the bed.

"Isaac? What's wrong papa?" I sat up and looked down at him and could see that he was crying.

"I pee, Mami...in my bed." He whined.

I climbed down from the bed and could see that his pants were stuck to his legs.

"B?"

She opened her groggy eyes and them looked over at Isaac. She was suddenly alert and sitting up.

"What's wrong?"

"He peed in the bed. I'm going to clean him up...can you change his sheets?"

"Um yea."


I took Isaac's hand and walked with him into the bathroom.

I lifted him up on the sink and turned on the water to wait for it to be warm.

"I sorry...Mami...I sorry." he whispered as he rubbed at his eyes.

"It's okay, Papa. Mami's not mad."

I washed up Isaac as he rested his head against me.

Normally this would have been a bath situation but I knew that it would wake him up more.

Britt came into the bathroom with fresh pajamas and then leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"How is he?"

"I ok, Mama." He said quietly without moving from my chest as I wiped him clean.

"Yea, Mami's cleaning you good."

"Yes."

"Okay, Ana...I'm going to get back in the bed. See you in there."

"I go night night with you?" Isaac said as he looked up at me.

Britt was barely out the room and so I turned towards her.

"Can he B?"

She smiled and shrugged.

"It's Christmas...why not?"

I turned back toward him excitedly as I pulled a shirt over his head.

"You here that, Papa? Mama says you can go night night with us!"

I put him down on the floor and he clapped his hands together.

"Yay!"


We settled back in bed, this time with Isaac curled up between us on a plastic sheet.

He fell right to sleep as we both rubbed his back.

I looked over at Britt and she was staring at me with that twinkle in her eyes.

"You know it's going to be really hard going back when the time comes."

"I know but I have to go back."

She sighed and looked back down at Isaac.

"I know...it's just...I wish you could be here. You are missing so much. We all miss you."

"I miss you guys too. It's just that I am finally on the cusp of getting better. I am starting to trust myself and that's a huge thing. And you know what else?"

"Yea?"

"For the first time in my life...I am not so afraid of being alone."

Her eyes got wide and then she smiled.

"That's big, Ana."

I nodded and laid down on my pillow and brushed my fingers through Isaac's little bush of hair.

When I looked back up at Britt I could see that her mind was going a million miles a minute.

She was biting her bottom lip really hard and her eyebrows were scrunched up.

"What's up, B?"

She looked up at me and then smiled again.

"I get it...that makes so much sense to me. You want to get comfortable with being alone, with getting to know yourself and that's why you need more time. I get it and I'm sorry...I-I won't push anymore. I promise."

A heaviness that I hadn't known was sitting on my chest until that moment eased a bit.

"Thank you so much, B...I'm so glad that you get it."

"I'm glad that I get it too. Lets get some sleep...I'm so excited to see what that big box for Isaac is."

"Ha! Why didn't you just ask?"

"It would ruin the surprise!"

And there was the Britt that I had fallen in love with that night in the treehouse.

The Britt that saw me simply and truly.

I fell asleep that night feeling at peace and like I could finally grasp some control in my life.

And it was such a fucking good feeling!


A/N: Christmas and a multi-POV chapter coming! I'm so excited! YAY! Review and let me know what you thought.