Chapter 29

Daryl's POV


The bodies of all the walkers smell worse than the septic tank that exploded down the road from us when I was a kid, and I force my gag reflex down once more. I took it on myself to sneak away and take care of this mess, gives me time away from the house, away from the guilt, if that's even possible anymore. It's already been two days since the accident, but with Rose still being unconscious, it might as well have been years ago. At least, that's how long it seems since I've actually slept. I tried to sleep the night after, but the nightmares were relentless and the images never fail to seep into my mind no matter how hard I try to keep them at bay.

It's helped a little that I've been bringing Carl with me in the evenings and mornings to take care of the horses. He always enjoys being around them, and I like seeing the kid look so happy, even if just for a little while, but right now, it's just me and Chenoa. And the last load of walkers dragging behind us. I thought about just piling them in the truck, it sure would have been a lot less work, but I wanted the time.

-Yeah. More time to just tear yerself apart, real smart. Ya need to go to see er'.. Quit bein' a little baby.

I want to, oh I want to so much. I want her to be awake, I want to hear her voice, I need to see her, Rose. See her without the huge gash I put in her side. I can want all these things all day but, wants and wishes doesn't make it reality, no matter how much conviction I put behind it and by the time we've reached the already burning pit, my guilt has won out yet again and I decide to give it another day before I see her. There's just nothing I can say, or do, to make myself less angry about it, and I'm hating myself even more with every rotting corpse I throw on the pile.

I stand there a while, feeling the heat blazing from the flames while trying to ignore the acrid smell. My mind starts turning over memories and suddenly I'm back in this same spot, and I see Rose standing in front of me. She's begging forgiveness from God for the man she killed to save my life, and I'm watching her with such intent that I lose myself for a moment. Then I'm lying with her, covered in the tall, swaying grass, I feel the light pressure of her shoulder on mine, her small fingers barely grazing my rough ones. Now, those same feelings and chills rush through me again as I come back to reality, and I realize the longing I feel for those simple moments. I shake my head,

-That's enough. Damn, when the hell'd you turn into such a girl? Spitting towards the pit before turning on my heel, I head back to a patiently waiting Chenoa.

With a little snicker from her, I pull the reins in the direction of the house, letting my body sway as hers does, and the rhythm of it all almost lulls me to sleep by the time we reach the barn again. I jump down, stretching the tired from my muscles before taking her saddle off and placing it on its hook.

"Hey Daryl.." I hear Glenn's voice running up behind me, but I don't turn.

"Yeah." I say, brushing the mares frosty white mane.

"It's Rose," he says, and my heart stops beating, everything stops for that matter, "she's awake." He adds quickly, and my world starts turning again as I let out the breath I just realized I had been holding. Then he starts again, I still haven't turned around though, just hanging onto every word, "I'm pretty sure she wants to see you.. Ya know? Since you were the last person she was with.. She wants to know you're OK.." I notice how Glenn always sounds so nervous, fumbling over words but I've never been so good around people myself.

I finally turn to face him, throwing the big brush into its bucket near the stall door, "Uhh, yeah.. I'll be up there." I say to him, meeting his almond-shaped, brown eyes for only a second. He doesn't say anything more, only nods and starts his journey back to the house.

I've never had a problem with Glenn, he's always been a good guy to send into the tight places, he was a smart kid, too, knew how to survive and always kept the group a priority. He was just as good a man for Maggie as any other, I and all the rest of us knew she'd be plenty safe with him. I try to keep my thoughts quiet though, as I lead Chenoa to the paddock, knowing if I let them continue, what happen out there beyond the fence might break through my walls I've been trying to build.

Stopping to watch for a second as Raven runs up to her complete opposite of Chenoa, they rub noses, snickering and blowing at one another as if saying hello before going off to find a good spot of grass. I guess it's just a creature thing, to want to be around what's most similar to itself, to be comforted by another's presence. That's all I can think about as I chew on a blade of grass and try to keep myself from all but sprinting to Rose's side. I need her presence right now, just like I always do, and Glenn said she wants to see me. Yet, what if she really doesn't? What if I've finally lost everyone I've ever loved, and this one ,from my own doing. As I reach the door, I'm sweating, not from exertion but from the overwhelming feeling of terror taking over my body.

I see the others going about some chores, carrying things in and out of the old house. I receive, and give back, a few nods and acknowledgments but I don't really take them in. Rounding the last corner, I come to the only room on the first floor, what was Herschel's room before it was turned into a make-shift recovery room and I stop for only a second, just long enough to take a deep breath before giving the open door a light knock.

"Yeah?" Her voice makes every hair on my body stand on edge.

I walk in easily, propping myself up on the wall and keeping my eyes on the ancient wood floors, not having gained the courage to look at her just yet. Only, I don't have the strength to look away any longer and I move my eyes slowly until I've met hers. The way she's staring makes me want to say something smart, throw out some kind of insult like I usually would, but nothing comes to mind. Absolutely nothing except for the fact that I'm finally looking into Rose's very much so alive eyes, and not 30 minutes ago, I hadn't been sure I'd ever see them again.

"Hey lil' girl.." I finally say, and something real close to embarrassment burns through me.

-That's it? That's all you come up with, after everythang? My thoughts cut through me like razor blades, and I tear my eyes away from hers finally, not wanting her to see the obvious pain I'm putting myself in.

"Daryl.. I-I-.. Thank you." She says after stumbling over her words for a moment.

-Hang on. She jus' said thank you? She's thankin' you for stabbin' her? Maybe you're asleep, dreamin'. That's the only way this makes any sense. I'm completely speechless, and it must being showing plain enough on my face because she goes on,

"You saved me. I know what happen was an accident, Rick told me." She says, stopping to taking a slow breath before adding, "Please don't blame yourself, Daryl. I know you, and I know how you think you're responsible for this", she looks down to her bandage, "but, you're not. I'm alive, you're alive. We're all OK, that's what matters."

I see nothing but sympathy and forgiveness in her jade eyes, and it makes my heart hurt along with my still reeling mind. I let my head fall slightly, breathing in and out deeply,

"Rose, I'm sorry." I say, still unable to meet her eyes again.

Somewhere deep in my brain, or heart, or soul, or wherever, I wanted her to be angry with me. I wanted her to yell, blame me for hurting her because that's just how I've always seen things dealt with. Violently. For her to just forgive me like that, to still look at me with the same care and want as she did before, well, it's something else, beyond anything I've seen. So, I walk over to the bed, not wanting her to say anything more, and I lean down, kissing the top of her head. Like so many times before, it doesn't take any talking at all for us to come to an understanding, we just know exactly what the other is trying to say, even when they can't put it into words.

"I'll see ya soon." I say quietly, the nod of her head is the only reply I get.

As I leave that room, I feel like once again my entire world's been flipped upside down, but I know no matter which way it lands, I'll keep that girl by my side.


. . . . . Once again I'm convinced I have the best followers ever! Y'all's reviews have helped me a ton, and I love reading each and every one of them! I really hope that every likes this chapter, but even if you didn't, please tell me what you think I can work on to make it better(: XOXO