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Chapter Twenty Nine.

Eager.

Christian.

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Lounging on the deck with Tess, enjoying the last few rays from the setting sun, I'm feeling content, comfortable and very reluctant to move. I've spent so much time here over the past week, that it's almost starting to feel like the norm. It's certainly something I could get used to. Given half a chance.

This past week, I've had no urge to don a suit and sit in my office or board room. So I haven't. I've worked from home and spent my time at the beach. I've only shown my face at Grey House, Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons of this week, and while I was there in body, I was so distracted, that I was of no use to anybody. As Ros, will venomously attest to.

With Sarah heading home for spring break, it was the perfect excuse for me to stay here. I needed the peace, the tranquillity and the heart warming comfort, that I've only ever found with Tess. Or so I told myself. Even though I've spent most of my time on the deck with Tess, I have been working on my laptop. If you can call it that. I've had one eye on rising stock shares, and the other, trained on the house in my peripheral. But, my spending so much time here this week, has nothing to do with the girl residing down the way.

I kept telling myself that, so the sting of disappointment didn't linger around to long, because sitting here, craning my neck for most of the week, has led me nowhere. After talking to Gail and realising that I wanted to face my fears and finally feeling like I'd grown the balls to speak to the girl stuck in my head, I've not seen her. Not a single glimpse of my dream girl from the rental.

I caught sight of her outside her house when I first arrived here on Friday, and I was thrilled at the thought of being alone here all weekend. I relished the thought of her being so close and potentially accessible. I never realised, that that one snippet, would be the only time I'd see her.

Even though I only saw her for a few seconds, it completely floored me. She looked exactly like she appears in my dreams. She was the perfect version of Ana that my mind has put together subconsciously, and I was eager to talk to her. I was watching the beach constantly after that. Even when I ventured indoors, I deliberately found the most advantageous view point from my house and sat, just hoping to see her return, but I got nothing for my stalking. I was genuinely gutted, when she hadn't returned by Sunday evening.

I'm still gutted now, a week later.

When my vision of Ana, hadn't returned by Sunday evening, I found that I couldn't tare myself away from here. I stayed until Tuesday morning, and even then, I dreaded the thought of leaving in case I missed her, but she hasn't returned, I'm sure of it. Even though I've nipped to Grey House for a few hours during the day, I've returned here every night with my eyes peeled. I thought I saw a light on at the property on Wednesday evening, but I can't be certain and either way, it hasn't lead to anything. She definitely wasn't here last night and even now, the house looks deserted.

Yesterday, I couldn't stand the uncertainty any longer and tried to contact the owners of the house to inquire about their elusive tenant, but they're away overseas for four months. The local company that lets out the property, wouldn't share any information with me when I called. I got so pissed off with their lack of cooperation, that I threated to buy the company so I could find out for myself. The owner came onto the line and blatantly laughed in my face, while also telling me to stick my threats where the sun doesn't shine. I soon realised it was an old business rival of mine and knew I wouldn't get any help from him. Even Welch, couldn't find out anything due to fuckin, data protection, but he did find out that the property is unavailable to rent at this time. So I've taken that as a good sign.

I'm just praying that the girl isn't on vacation, I have a feeling that she might be. If she's gone back home, back to where she came from, then I won't have a hope of finding her again. I just hope that I haven't missed my chance of meeting her. If I have, then I don't know how I feel about that.

Not that I'm obsessed with her or anything, even though, that's certainly debatable right now. I will admit, that while I've been staying here, I've been running. Every morning, I've ran round the city and taken a route that will pass exactly where I knocked her over. I even take a water break there, wandering down the adjoining streets just hoping to see her again. I've ran, and spent so much time on the beach this week, that even Tess, has given up following me about.

I feel like I'm wasting my time, though, because how am I supposed to find someone when I'm unsure of what they look like? She may resemble Ana, but I've never seen her long enough or clearly enough to be sure of her own features. It could still be wishful thinking and my eyes filling in the gaps and playing tricks on me.

It's hard to explain, but it's more what I feel when I'm around her than what she actually looks like. What I sense in my sleep and how her lingering presence calms me after waking, that's what I crave and what I'm looking for. That's what's important to me, but it seems more unreachable the longer she's absent.

Curiosity and the need for a fix of any sort, had me searching for Ana's look alike while I was at Grey House. I even called into the coffee shop and stuck my head into the book store. I hooked into the buildings CCTV from my desk to observe the hustle and bustle, while supposedly on a conference call. Taylor, did such a good job evicting the girl in red from Grey House, that I didn't see hide nor hair of her. Not that I really expected too.

Taylor, sent over the background check, that I didn't request, and after cautiously opening the file, I breathed a sigh of relief. The awful driving licence photo that greeted me on opening it, did not resemble Ana. The red rimmed, dull blue eyes, and lank, brown hair pulled haphazardly into a pony tail, could never belong to the child I knew. I didn't look any further, but I know that's why I couldn't find her. I know now that she's real, with a name and a background of her own, and not someone I imagined her to be.

I've been waiting for Taylor and his interrogation, but he's been surprisingly quiet. He's probably enjoying his unexpected time off with his wife, but I can't be sure. I've seen neither of them since leaving Escala, last Friday. As per, Gail went to spend the weekend with her sister, but while there she took a nasty fall, hurting her hip badly. Gail has stayed to assist her sister, and I insisted that Taylor stayed with her. I've had an agency covering things here, and at Escala, and it's been good to have a change in routine and time to myself. It's given me time to think and put things into perspective. Gail will have spoken to her husband, because I know they don't keep secrets from each other. Taylor, no doubt knows by now what happened to me and what I thought I saw. Why would he need me to confirm his wife's retelling of what I shared with her?

Tess shifts beside me, letting me know that it's time to go inside. She's hungry, wanting her dinner, so I have to cease my stalking. Rising from the lounger, I stretch my body out before gathering my things. I've already eaten, done everything I need to do, so once Tess is settled, I just have to wait for Leila to arrival.

I don't relish what will happen tonight, because Leila, will no doubt be upset with my decision. When I cancelled on her last week, I could hear the disappointment clearly in her voice. So I know she'll not be thrilled with what I plan on doing later. I feel good about my decision to finish things, because I know this situation will get out of hand if I don't nip it in the bud now.

Eighteen months of stagnation with one person is more than enough, it's not like it's ever going to lead anywhere. She maybe my longest contracted Submissive, but our contract needs to end. I find that I'm eager to tell her. I could've just had Taylor, hand deliver her things and paperwork but after so long, I thought she deserved to hear it from me. Face to face. I've printed out and already signed, our end of contract agreement, boxed up all of her things, and deposited a lump sum into her bank account.

As far as I'm concerned, we're all done and dusted.

I'll selfishly indulge, and spend sometime with her before I dismiss her this evening, but it won't be enough. She's not enough. Not anymore. I don't think it's right that I'm having thoughts of another woman while she's here. A tad hypocritical I know, because she's only ever been here to appease my need for Ana anyway, never for herself, but this time it's different.

Ana was an illusion, an ideal, that Leila enforced and provided for me. The girl I've met here, she's true and real, and I want that. I want what she brings with her. So I can't spend my time with anybody else. Especially Leila.

I feel the need to clear my head and blow off some steam before she gets here. I know I've got time for a quick run down the shore line, so after ushering Tess into the house and feeding her, I head back out for a quick run.

On my return, all sweaty with my heart pounding, I smile to myself, when I see the headlights from Leila's car turn into the drive. The gate closes automatically behind her as she exits her car and enters the house through the side door. I breathe deeply, pulling in more air suddenly feeling exhilarated. Digging my heels into the sand I push myself home determinedly, eager, to get this over with.

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