Eric
Ellie's group of friends struggled with the loss for a few weeks, but seemed to slowly one by one get out of their fog and carry on with their lives. Nina took longer than the others since Ellie's last memory of her was their fight the morning she left for Erudite. Zeke and Four moped around for a while too, but got themselves together in two or three weeks. I could still see it though…the pain of her not being around. When I ate in the cafeteria, I would look over at the table where Ellie would sit with her friends and they'd be talking and one of them would look at Ellie's empty seat, realizing she wasn't there. Then they'd all realize she wasn't there and you could see the pain on their faces. I was no better, though. I got reminded of her by the pistachio muffins…they were her favorite.
It wasn't long after Ellie died that people started to realize I'd changed. I was colder than before, harsher, more intimidating…I wasn't the person I once was. I didn't want to be. That person died with Ellie. Now I was embracing my role as a leader. I made changes to the initiation rules. Major changes. Now you had to rank in the top twenty of each stage to stay in Dauntless or be factionless. The physical stage was more challenging because Max and I agreed to teach a harder fighting technique that caused a lot damage to the other person if you came out on top. I no longer was "sort of friends" with Zeke and the others since I limited my personal interaction with others to the leaders and a few other members. I worked all day and it seemed to keep my head clear of Ellie, but at night when I was in my apartment by myself there was nothing to do put think to yourself.
Whenever I slid under the sheets of my bed, I always held Ellie's glasses in my hands. Nina and the other girls did me the favor of cleaning out her apartment, but I went back one night for no particular reason and found her glasses in the one dresser drawer along with a piece of paper with a tattoo sketch on it she drew. It was the words bravery and stupidity written in a fancy print with a line between them. There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
I got the tattoo on my right shoulder blade the next morning.
Ellie's glasses were regular thing, black glasses with rectangular lenses that were like any other pair you saw in Erudite. I was surprised to see Ellie had saved them through initiation, but I'm glad she did. Her glasses, the necklace, and a couple of her t-shirts Nina gave me were all I had left of her. But I still had the memory of her.
Unfortunately, the memory of her hurt a lot. It was like a pain that never faded.
