Harry slowly pushed the bedroom door open and spotted Nikki sitting curled up on the bed, her head leaning on her knees that were drawn up to her chest.
"Nikki?" he asked softly and his wife shifted slightly, showing Harry that she had heard him. Harry walked into the room and closed the door behind him before walking over to the bed and climbing on it to sit next to Nikki. His hand brushed against something and he looked down to see it was the bottle of anti-depressants from the hospital, and the lid was open slightly. He panicked a bit and glanced in the bottle but there was still a respectable amount in there. Harry then put them on his bedside table and turned back to Nikki, placing his hand on her arm but drew it back quickly when she shrugged him off and moved away from him. Harry tried to ignore the hurt that he felt when she did it, she wasn't herself. Instead of pushing Nikki to talk to him, Harry just sat on the bed next to her waiting for her to talk in her own time.
"Why are you so patient with me?" Nikki asked almost fifteen minutes later as she turned her head so she was looking at him, her voice catching in her throat "I'm being so selfish and yet you're still here"
"You're not selfish Nikki" Harry told her and gave her a small smile "It's because I love you and I want to help you"
"I had to take some" Nikki then told him and Harry frowned before she nodded at his bedside table where her anti-depressants were.
"Hey, that's alright" Harry replied quietly and Nikki shook her head and fiddled with the duvet slightly.
"No it's not" she whispered "I've already told you I don't want to take them anymore"
"It's not going to be an instant thing Nikki" Harry informed her "You're not instantly going to be able to do without them"
"It was just.." Nikki started and took a deep breath "Today, when Leo asked me to look after that baby. It wasn't fair" her voice broke and tears slipped down her face "It was like..something..was..torturing me..by..making me..look after that..baby"
"Nikki please don't cry" Harry whispered and pulled her close to him, his arms wrapped around her tightly as she sobbed "It will be fine. We'll have a baby soon. If you're so scared about not being able to have a baby how about you get some tests done, just so you can see on paper that there is nothing wrong with you"
Nikki just nodded and gripped his shirt tightly in her fists and took a deep breath to try and calm her breathing.
"Please don't tell Leo" Nikki said after a while "I don't want him to know yet until we know if something's wrong"
"Okay, I won't tell him I promise" Harry mumbled as he pressed a kiss onto her hair and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
------
"I've got an appointment at the hospital next Thursday" Nikki told Harry the next morning as she walked into the bedroom where her husband was getting dressed. He looked up from where he was picking up his tie and nodded, giving her a small smile as she walked over to him and took the tie from his hands. She looped it around his neck and under his collar.
"You'll be fine Nikki" Harry told her, knowing that the fact she was needlessly doing up his tie for him was a nervous habit.
Nikki just nodded as she tightened the tie and smoothed it down unnecessarily.
"What if I can't have a baby?" she asked Harry quietly and he sighed "What will you do?"
"Nikki" Harry chided and leant down to kiss her "If you can't conceive naturally there are other things we can try"
"No I mean...will you leave me, because I can't give you a child"
"Nikki don't say that" Harry told her loudly and kissed her again, wiping away the tears from her eyes "I love you, whether you can give me a child or not"
"Thank you" Nikki replied tearfully and gave him a small smile "I know it's only been a month and a bit since we've been trying but...I just can't help worrying"
"You're telling me" Harry laughed and Nikki couldn't help but giggle and straighten his tie again "I love you so much"
"and I love you" Nikki grinned and kissed him again "Come on let's get to work"
-----
"We have to give Leo an excuse about why we won't be at work next Thursday" Harry told her as they drove to work. Nikki turned her head from where she was staring out of the passenger window and nodded.
"We?"
"Well you didn't think I'd let you go on your own did you?" Harry asked incredulously as he stole a quick glance at her. Nikki just shrugged, she really didn't know what she was thinking.
"We'll have to tell Leo something convincing" Nikki broke the comfortably silence after a few minutes.
"How about the truth?" Harry suggested without glancing at her "He might be able to help"
"Oh Leo's been through this has he?" Nikki snapped and then bit her lip "I'm sorry, I just don't want anyone to know"
"Leo's our friend" Harry told her "and yes he's been through this as well, his wife had to have IVF for them to have their daughter"
Nikki turned her head to look at him again with a frown on her face.
"Really?" she asked quietly and Harry nodded as he turned into the lab car park "I never knew that"
"Neither did I" Harry shrugged and pulled into a space and stopped the car "He'll understand"
"He'll think I'm stupid for worrying about it this early" Nikki mumbled as she looked out of the window at the wall in front of them. Harry reached over and turned her head so she was looking at him.
"He won't think you're stupid. Leo wouldn't do that" he didn't get a reply from his wife so he just sighed quietly and nodded "Think about it. Please?"
Nikki just nodded and undid her seatbelt before climbing out of the car and slamming the door.
------
"Leo can I talk to you for a minute?" Harry asked that afternoon when he was sure Nikki wouldn't walk in on them unexpectedly.
"Of course" Leo waved the reluctant Harry into his office and the younger man closed the door behind him before taking a seat on the sofa.
"Nikki will kill me if she knows I'm here talking to you about this" Harry started but fell silent again and Leo nodded at him to continue "I'm sorry if I'm out of line here Leo, but when .." he paused "did your wife have any idea that she couldn't have a child?"
"Not until we'd been trying for a while and nothing happened" Leo replied after a short silence and Harry sighed and nodded "Why?"
"How did you help her?" Harry then enquired, ignoring Leo's question "Before you knew she couldn't have a child"
"I just..." Leo stopped to think "I just supported her the best I could, telling her we'd have a child as soon possible. Is there something wrong with Nikki?"
"She's got it into her head that what happened when she was fifteen will stop her being able to conceive" Harry replied "We've only been trying since we've got married but since she's not pregnant yet she's started to worry. The depression doesn't help matters"
"How's she taking it now?"
"She's.." Harry shrugged "Looking after that baby yesterday didn't help"
"I'm sorry" Leo sighed "I didn't know. I wouldn't have asked if I had"
"I know. But she was so upset by it" he looked up at Leo and shook his head "I'm not blaming you Leo, far from it" he added quickly
Leo just nodded and leant back on his chair.
"Nikki's got an appointment at the hospital on Thursday just to check things out. I just want it down on paper for her that there's nothing wrong"
"You can have Thursday off" Leo told Harry who smiled and nodded.
"Thank you. Can you not tell Nikki I've told you this? I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone"
"Of course"
"Thank you" Harry sighed and rested his elbows on his knees and running his hands over his face and through his hair. "I'm just hoping that there's nothing wrong with her. I don't think she could take it if there was" he took a deep breath "She's getting better but if she finds out there's something wrong with her I don't know what she would do"
The second part of "Intent" was brilliant...well...most of it anyway :D
xxx
