Pink's 'Glitter in the Air'
Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trust it, just trust it?
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."
It's only half past the point of no return,
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn.
The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase,
"Have you ever felt this way?"
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?
Erik had been awake from the very beginning, when Christine first silently entered the living room, wearing the despicable black dress that tormented him with promises of unending nights, and she was walking around barefoot. He didn't dare move, and she stood still too, watching him. Her hair cascaded over one shoulder, her light blue eyes turned on him, and Erik wondered if he ought to get up and say something. Her movements in the bathroom had originally woken him, but her immediate presence now was like a shot in the arm. Erik felt groggy, however, and it felt sinful to even look at Christine after last night's events. Did Christine know? Was that why she was watching?
Christine made the first move, and Erik chose to play the possum as Christine approached him, her body lightly curving to one side as she walked around the coffee table and kneeled beside him. Her eyes danced over his mask, looking very serene as Erik openly watched her. She must have thought he was still asleep. She looked down at his hands, and her expression didn't change. She did yawn however, and after leaving a kiss just above the mask's eyebrow, she left him to enter the kitchen, after picking his gloves from the floor to put them on the table, and picked up the coffee from the night before. Erik listened with a lively heart as her footsteps paused at the kitchen door, and then faded into the kitchen.
Erik couldn't move. Every instinct was screaming at him to run, to hide, to fight, and to take. It was a cruel twist of fate to have given Erik such a beastly disposition in front of sweet Christine. He couldn't even look at her with his own eyes, and he had been too cowardly to say anything to her. Erik clenched his fists with the thought of her bare thigh as she had laid in his bed. She had been completely vulnerable, and he had taken advantage of that.
Erik hated himself, and knew he deserved punishment, but as he listened to Christine open his fridge and look through his cupboards, Erik questioned whether or not Christine had felt him. Had it affected her dreams? Did she dream of him the way he dreamed of her?
Her dreams would never have you. They'd never take you. She'd never want you there.
Erik lay in agony, listening to Christine's every step, every yawn, and wondered what she was doing. She was probably making herself something to eat, though Erik wasn't sure if he had anything that might please her. Before Christine left for England, he would have to buy her some things, and Erik's mind raced with all the sorts of foods he could feed her, and he indulged himself with the thought of her dressed in fine clothes and beautiful jewellery and more importantly, she would thank him for it, giving him more praise and more free touches.
You fool! You think you deserve to touch her after last night! If she knew, she would be upset. Her kisses are innocent, and you want more?
Erik wanted to tear the voices from his head, they were such distractions, but he knew he should listen to them. They were right. They had always been right, and had served him in his most desperate times, saving his life in dark situations, but now that the situation was pleasant, and unharmful, the voices only whispered dark, horrible secrets to him. Erik tried to quiet the voices as Christine reemerged, looking more awake. She went to kneel beside the Koi pond, reaching into the reeds as he had shown her, and began to feed the Koi. Erik turned his head slightly so he could see her better. Her back was to him, her ringlets bouncing as she tilted her head to one side. She was crouched on the balls of her feet, and Erik bit his lip.
She stood up, giving him one quick glance before she looked back into the kitchen, and went on the hunt for her purse. She found it, kicked off the couch by Erik, and began searching for something. She found her phone, and Erik felt as though he had been stabbed directly in the heart. She was going to try and take more pictures of him. Or worse, what if she tried to remove his mask? A thousand rampant thoughts flew through his head like winged horses, but before he could do or say anything, she crawled back to sit beside his head, and switched her phone on, where Erik could see their photo from the night before on her phone's wallpaper. She stared at it, smiling as she traced her thumb over Erik's mask. Erik's heart leapt as she chuckled to herself.
I cherish you too. Erik thought, addressing the fair haired girl, who was now focused on checking her messages as she waited for something. She was waiting for him to wake up.
You depraved animal. You encourage her feelings for you? The voice questioned incredulously as some of Christine's hair fell against his bare hands.
Yes, a million times yes. If I could have her, I would be very happy. I would have myself a living, breathing companion. Erik thought without resistance, watching Christine's body rise and fall with each breath she took.
You are an old man, and you will die before that happens.
Erik couldn't argue with that. It was true, he was an old man, compared to Christine. She should have been dating young, hip boys, but instead she had chained herself to Erik, tying them together with red string.
Then I shall enjoy every second while I can.
Christine sniffed, and looked at him, smiling as her eyes traced his curls, but frowned when she saw something. Christine reached up with her thumb and licked it, with Erik watching in morbid curiosity as he wished he had been that thumb. Erik had frozen though as Christine's hand began to approach his mask, and every thought flew out of his head as her wet thumb pressed against his temple, and rubbed in a strange, unfamiliar pattern.
What is she doing? Erik asked the voice, blinking as he watched Christine's face scrunch up in thought.
She is cleaning the mask. Let her do it. It replied, sounding rather unsure of itself.
Erik's eyes followed her every action, his eyes drawn to her lips, but she soon pulled away, returning back to her phone as she began to scroll down some page.
She isn't afraid of my mask. She kisses it and cleans it like a good girl. Erik thought in confusion as she propped her chin up on her knuckles, her elbow resting on her knee. She wasn't afraid of my hands either. What is she?
A bell went off somewhere, and Erik knew it had something to do with the kitchen. He hadn't heard the sound before, but Erik reasoned that it was must have been the oven, which made him very curious as to what Christine had been doing in there. Christine had jumped out of shock, her hair rippling as she took a calming breath. Her eyes widened however, and she worriedly looked at him, to see if the bell had awoken him. Erik chose to stay still. He was still trying to figure her out, how he had the luck to be with her, how to keep Carlotta away from her, and whether or not he would have to keep himself away from her, when she stood on her feet and did something that almost made him grab her and devour her. She had left dozens of quick little kisses along his mask, each one making Erik feel very lightheaded, and she wiped away any smudges she saw, carefully so as to not wake him, and her thumb just skimmed the mask's lips from one side to the other, in a slow, deliberate way as she walked away.
It had sent the most delightful shivers down Erik's back, and as she walked away, Erik turned in his place so he could watch her leave, his eyes peeking just above the back of the couch as she left the room. His eyes had drifted down her back, and the way the light hit her reminded Erik of the first night he had met her. Erik sat up, slowly, and kept his eyes on the door. That was three times her thoughts had consisted of his lips. The first time, it had been an unconscious thought, and Erik remembered the way her eyes had drifted to his lips as she bit her own in her hotel room. The second time, she had dared to kiss him on the corner of the mask's lips. Now, she was comfortable touching those lips, now that she thought he was asleep. Erik panicked, shifting in his seat as Christine continued to make a lot of noise around the kitchen. Erik looked down at his skeletal fingers, with its ridges and cracks, its bruises leering at him as mocking blue-grey veins darted across his skin.
Does she think of me when she's alone? Does she wonder about these hands? Does ugly, misshapen Erik please her? Erik marveled. Was it possible then, then Christine wanted to kiss him for real...
No, it would never happen. He wouldn't let it. She was never going to see his face and that was it. Didn't she know that? Didn't she know that they could never have a close relationship? Was she naive, or gullible, or did she truly trust him without a doubt? She was a wide-eyed child, and Erik could not keep her from the truth. She needed to know everything. They needed to clear the air. They could hold each other, and play silly games, but in the end, he would never be able to satisfy her without tricking her with his voice. That was the true torture, Erik thought as he stood up, straightening out his suit, as he seethed beneath his mask, his teeth grinding together, champing as he pulled on the forgotten gloves. No doubt they would be hot and tight against his hands, now they had gotten some air.
He walked with purpose as he entered the kitchen, and found Christine standing over a large mixing bowl which had been placed on top of a pot, stirring some gloopy looking chocolate around. She looked enchanting, and completely at home, like a dutiful little wife. Erik could pretend, almost.
He called her name, and she turned around, her hair flying about as she wished him a good morning, and told him that she was making them both breakfast. Erik's chest had tightened. She went on to say that she had planned on muffins, but they had turned into brownies somehow, which she didn't explain. She told him he could save his for later, and Erik was grateful that this time, she chose to let him handle his eating habits. Her blue eyes hit him again, and Erik almost took a step back, reeling as the faint scent of honey from her warm skin reached him. There was a new scent, and it hit him that the smell had been his own bed. Seeing Christine's unprotected body in his head reminded him of his mission. To confess and hope for forgiveness.
He had begun well enough, but she had jumped in while he had been pausing for breath, and told him she had enjoyed their night together. Her knowing smile and her shy looks at him made Erik think that she knew about his little indiscretion towards her. His face was contorted with horror as she continued stirring, sticking her finger in occasionally to test the temperature of the slowly melting chocolate, and then licked it off. Erik was enjoying it, but he shamefully berated himself as Christine continued talking, asking him if he slept well.
He hadn't, but he wasn't going to tell her. He wanted to know if Christine would admit to knowing he had done such a terrible thing to her.
Unless she enjoyed it. The voice suggested, tauntingly.
Erik began to see Christine in a new light as she pulled out a large, flat tin from out of the oven, where a brown, spongy mix, sprinkled with oats began to cool, and Erik could smell something sweet, with a hint of bananas. It didn't help to clear his head, as the scent of honey, mango and bananas reached his nostrils. Her voice turned impish as her attention became fully focused on him, smiling as she told him he hadn't even hugged her yet, or wished her a good morning. Her words made Erik feel worse, and he forced the words out, begging for her forgiveness before he was forced to admit it. His eyes had been lowered, but they looked up now to see Christine's confused face. She looked genuinely lost, and Erik mentally threw up his arms in exultation as he realized she didn't know! She truly didn't!
Erik knew he was treading on thin ice here as he told her that his indiscretion had been carrying her into his room. He had enjoyed carrying her, but he saw no sin in it, compared to what had followed afterwards. Christine laughed it off, and told him he had been noble. The word had been like daggers to Erik, and still, he felt he needed her forgiveness. If she would only forgive him, thinking that was the worst of her worries, then Erik could pretend that everything was alright between them. He still needed to talk to her about Carlotta, about them, about their future, and it was all beginning to be too much for Erik to handle. Everything seemed so secure, but Erik knew that anything could break them apart. She comforted him, using that word 'girlfriend' again, and asked him to join her in finished off the brownies. Erik had agreed, stepping up lightly before her.
Erik was happy to play house with Christine. It would only be more fuel for his dreams, and more torture for his nightmares, and he watched as Christine's hand covered his gloved one, giving it a gentle squeeze. She reminded him again that he still hadn't wished her good morning, and he returned the offering, stumbling over his words like an idiot. It only made Christine smile more, as she copied his way of talking, like she had back up outside her hotel room. Erik had called himself in third person, and it had amused her, of all things.
"Did you sleep well, Christine?" Erik had tried to ask casually as she chose a knife to cut the brownies. He chose not to look at her.
"As well as can be expected." Christie said, placing the chocolate back over the pan.
"Did you dream?" He asked, his hands beginning to feel very sore as they rubbed against the gloves, getting ever hotter.
"Yes, I did." Christine said, smiling. "At least, I know I dreamt something, it just seems really unclear to me right now. I know it had something to do with you though."
Erik looked up, straightening himself as he had been bent over the brownies. "Me?" He croaked.
"Yes, you." Christine said, looking over her shoulder to grin at him. "It wasn't a bad dream. It was good. I know that."
Erik didn't want to say anything. If he did, he knew he would only end up telling her about his sinful nature. Christine turned around, the mixing bowl cradled in her arms once more.
"Do you need an apron, Christine? I don't want you to get any chocolate on your dress." Erik asked as Christine stirred the chocolate, watching him as he finished off cutting the brownies into precise, calculated pieces.
"No, I just need that spoon." Christine said, nodding towards a little tea spoon that was hiding behind a checkered tea towel.
"Alright." Erik put down the knife, blade pointed away from Christine, at a right angle, and handed her the spoon.
She took it from him, and dipped it into the bubbling lava of melted chocolate. She gathered some up, as she moved with the bowl so she could place it down, and carefully drizzled a thin line of chocolate over some of the brownies, whipping the spoon back and forth to create zigzags and spirals. Christine laughed, having fun, and she suddenly looked up at him.
"Do you want a go?" She asked, her eyes crinkled as she smiled to him, holding the spoon out.
"No, Christine, you may do the rest if it pleases you." He told her.
"Well, how about I make you a special brownie? One just for you." Christine said with a grin, gathering more chocolate onto her spoon.
"I thought that these were ours, what would make this brownie you tease me with mine?" Erik chuckled, enjoying the teasing side of Christine.
"I would sign it with your name. So I can't touch it. And neither will Nadir when he comes around later." Christine said, looking at the untouched brownies with a determined pout.
She picked one at last, to Erik's amusement, and lifted it up to her face, cradling the brownie in her hand as she began to carefully, but quickly scrawl his name across the large, flat brownie. She started with a large, loopy E, and followed by the rest of the letters in his name in a smaller, cursive font. She got a bit carried away though, and some of the hot chocolate spilled onto her hand, which began to seep onto her palm. Christine stopped, pulling the spoon away, little drops of chocolate dropping on her palm. The hot chocolate must have surprised her, as her hand had twitched in response, and Erik quickly removed the brownie and the spoon from her hands, and turned back with a tea towel in hand as she caught Christine already licking off the chocolate on the side of her hand.
"Christine." He sighed, smiling as he took her hand, his fingers brushing her cheek, and bought it down to lie palm up between them. Erik began to clean her hand, even though most of the chocolate was gone already.
"Sorry." She said, blushing as she avoided his gaze.
Christine was watching his hands, while Erik's eyes were entirely upon her glorious face, the remarkable pink flush enticing him as she began to lick her lips slowly. Erik dropped the towel, and picked up one of the brownies she had already spooned chocolate onto, holding it up close to her face, antagonisingly close to her lips. Christine's eyes flickered after the towel, and then returned to the brownie. She looked up, surprised, and locked eyes with him, trying to understand what he was conveying, and he took her hand, stroking it with as much warmth as he could muster for her.
She blinked, and stared at the brownie again. Something must have clicked, as she pulled a devilish grin, curiously looking up at him. Erik was sweating now, feeling more self-conscious by the second. He began to pull his hand away, but Christine stopped him, taking his wrist, and pushed her thumb up underneath his glove, pressing her skin to his, and leaned forward, taking a bite of the brownie as she held him in place. Not that he could have moved if he wanted to. Her lips were puffed out, to stop any crumbs from falling so she could take a clean bite, and they slid over the brownies, causing the chocolate to smudge over her lips, and she pulled away, pleased with herself as she began to lick her lips.
Erik had never been more thrilled in his life. She way she had held him, her thumb pressed against the bottom of his palm, her fingers curled around the back of his hand, and the way she had closed her eyes, eyelashes trembling. It had nearly set Erik aflame when Christine pulled her hand away from his wrist, wiping off the chocolate from around her lips with the thumb that she had pinned to him, to then lick that off. Erik had to hold on to the counter to hold himself up, and Christine meekly said,
"Can I get that hug now?"
Erik laughed, grabbing her roughly and pulled her to his chest, dropping the brownie, and Christine laughed as he squeezed her entire body, holding her face to his. Perhaps Christine was just as sinful as him.
Thank you so much for all of the reviews, they've been wonderful!
I'm also curious, do you guys listen to the songs I have up at the top of each chapter, what do you guys think?
Please leave do leave a review when you can, it only takes a few seconds, and every word means so much to me! They keep me going, and they let me know what you think of each chapter. I need to know if there's something you're unhappy about, or want more focus on, so please, don't be shy!
