Notes: You know how characters just do their own thing? Yeah this is a result of that. I wanted a chapter where Uraraka could finally talk about her feelings and, to be honest, I thought there was going to be a lot more tears involved. I mean, there are - but this ended up being more about accepting the past and moving forward. Which is probably healthier for her in the long run. I blame Iida because he's such a good, compassionate friend. Thank you everyone for reading! I hope you enjoy this emotional ride of a chapter.
The first thing Uraraka did when she got into her place was change into pajamas. She needed a shower, but didn't have the energy for it. Iida was understanding. By the time she finished getting ready, he had a hot cup of tea made for her and had found a snack for her to eat. There wasn't much. She hadn't been around for a week and some of her food had gone bad in the process. He took care of it for her while she sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around the warm cup as steam rose, and watched him work silently.
Most people assumed Iida talked non-stop (which, in their defense, he did talk a lot, although she'd never minded it), but he knew the value of silence as well. She didn't want to talk about her feelings or how things had felt, not right now at least. She'd promised Bakugou that she wouldn't hide anymore and she intended on keeping that promise, but she didn't have to do it right away. She needed to rest. It had been over a week since she'd had a proper sleep and so much had happened.
Even if she was afraid of having a nightmare and her mind was running a thousand miles per hour trying to figure out what she could do and how worried she was, she knew that the second her head hit the pillow, she was going to be out like a light. She couldn't remember there ever being a time when she had been so worn thin. She didn't just feel exhausted; she felt utterly gutted, like every last drop of energy had been scraped out of her with a spoon.
"You should lay down," Iida told her as he sat down in the chair on her right. "I'll pick up around here."
Looking down at her reflection in the tea, Uraraka sighed. She looked awful. "You don't have to do that."
"I know," Iida replied, "but I want to. It's the least I can do." He frowned. "I haven't really been able to do anything."
Uraraka reached out to lay a hand over one of his. "Don't say that. You've done a lot."
"Have I though?" Iida shook his head and gave her a smile. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to push my insecurities on you. There's enough on your mind as it is. You don't need to worry about me too."
She was going to worry about him no matter what and vice versa. He'd been one of her staunchest supporters after Deku's death. He had never shaken the responsibility his role as class president had placed on his shoulders. Even now, he considered himself responsible for watching over them. He was like the big brother she never had, which was ironic since he was the youngest in his family. It was sweet. Sometimes he got a little overbearing, but he knew when to dial back as well.
"Get some rest," Iida said. "You need it."
That was an understatement. Uraraka didn't even have the energy to finish her tea. She mutely nodded her head and shuffled off to her bedroom. After shutting the door, she crawled into her bed and curled underneath the blanket until only her head was visible. The blanket was thick and soft, enveloping her like a warm cloud. She had always liked soft things and it turned out Deku did as well. His bed with the League had been smaller than this one and not nearly as soft. She couldn't imagine he slept comfortably. She certainly hadn't.
She could've told Iida he could leave, but she knew he wouldn't. They didn't want to leave her alone. How could she possibly explain that Deku wouldn't come? She didn't know where he was or what he was doing, but she felt like she knew what was thinking. Maybe it was self-centered of her to believe he was thinking about her, He could picture him lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what she was doing and if she was thinking of him. She didn't know how she knew; she could just feel it.
The pro heroes had questioned why Deku had let go of her or if maybe he was moving on from his obsession. She knew it wasn't the case. They didn't understand him the same way they did - the way she did. Even Bakugou knew that wasn't the case. Deku had realized he couldn't win her over like this. He wasn't the giving up type though; he would find another way.
One way could be through Todoroki. Only time would tell.
Even though her mind was distracted with thoughts of Deku, within a minute, Uraraka was asleep. Her breathing evened out, her eyes closed, and she fell into a dreamless sleep. It seemed as if she was too tired have nightmares. She could be grateful for that. The time for nightmares would come later, but she needed to be well-rested if she was going to finally open up. She was going to need all the rest she could get if she was going to help come up with a plan.
Everyone had always known Deku was the planner, but she'd been with him long enough for it to have rubbed off on her too. He needed to watch his back. She was out for blood.
Uraraka hadn't seen Bakugou in almost two days. It hurt more than she wanted to admit. After over a week with Deku and villains, she had missed him, but also realized she needed space - from everyone. Iida and Tsu weren't typically people used to giving others space, but they were also her closest friends and seemed to catch onto it quickly, considering that she wasn't the type of person that usually wanted space. She knew that the time to open up was coming soon, but she needed to be alone to gather herself first.
And she was exhausted - beyond exhausted. If plus ultra could go the opposite way, that was how she felt. It wasn't a physical exhaustion so much as a mental one. She needed a damn break. The League's silence both discomforted her and gave her that. Both sides seemed to be regrouping and making plans. It was a time of unease and she knew, as much as hated it, she needed to take that time as well.
Bakugou must have sensed it. He'd called her shortly after she'd woken up. How he had known she was awake had confused her at first until she realized he must have been keeping in contact with Iida to check on her. Tsuyu did the same. It had been a brief conversation, him asking if she'd slept and letting her know they would be moving back to the safe house that had been set up as a base of operations by the end of the day. It had been devoid of the fierce warmth she had come to associate with him.
He was holding back. He was pulling away.
She idly thought Deku would be pleased with that development.
When Tsu and Tokoyami showed up to escort her and Iida to the safehouse, Uraraka had kind of expected to see Bakugou there, but he wasn't. She wanted to ask, but thought better of it. He must have been doing something other than running and hiding like she was. Iida had got her a new phone to make up for the one she'd lost during the attack over a week ago, luckily with the same number. She'd pay him back when she could. Normal things like repayment seemed so far away.
At the safe house, she instinctively kept checking her phone for new messages, half expecting Todoroki, only to remember he couldn't message her. She'd gotten used to being in consistent contact with him after Deku's death and even more so after his return. He hadn't come to the safehouse often, but had checked in more than Bakugou was doing now. Bakugou's check-ins had always been more sporadic. Still, she didn't feel like she was hearing from him as much either.
Maybe it only felt that way after being kept from contacting the outside world while with Deku or because he had been so focused on Bakugou's behavior with her that she couldn't help but overthink it now.
Either way it was frustrating and left her feeling bereft on the second day at the safehouse. Where was he? She didn't want to sound needy, but asking also made her feel like she was confirming Deku's fears, which was a mess in itself. He had really managed to get into her head. It was such a mess.
With two other pro heroes and Tokoyama with Dark Shadow patrolling the area outside, Uraraka sat curled up on the couch. For what felt like the hundredth time, she watched the cell phone footage of Deku's attack outside of Kaminari's apartment. Nothing of what they were saying outside could be heard except for when someone yelled. The man who filmed it was unconscious after taking some sort of poison developed by a quirk. They knew now he had been under Kyomu's quirk in order to film it so they could leak the footage to the press and taint the public's view of Deku.
There really was no going back for him now, was there? Not in the same way at least. It wasn't just the attack, but also the villain murders and the prison break on his hands too. No one would be able to look at Deku the same, even if he snapped out of Kyomu's hold and saved the day. It would essentially be him saving the day from himself if he did.
I know you'd say I didn't fail you, Uraraka thought as she watched herself plead with Deku on the cell screen, but I can't help but feel like I made things worse.
She had enabled him and played along with his fantasy just long enough to give him a taste. He had let her go on that roof, but she felt as if he'd tied her to him even further. If he was going down, she was going down with him and she felt like she was drowning.
"Uraraka," Iida sighed when he spotted her on the couch, "you need to stop torturing yourself."
"Kind of hard not to," Uraraka mumbled. "All this time, he was out there, being tortured and molded into a villain, and we were here doing nothing."
"We did everything we could to find him," Iida told her gently as he sat down next to her. "You did that and more."
Uraraka pulled her legs up on the couch, wrapping an arm around them to hug them against her chest. "I know. I thought I was close to accepting that. Bakugou told me enough times to beat it into my thick skull."
"You're a little more hard-headed than we give you credit for," Iida replied.
"He said the same thing," Uraraka said with a tiny smile, "Deku too the few times we had disagreements, although I don't think anyone could be more stubborn than those two."
It wasn't a time to smile, especially with the footage looping again, but she was trying to remember what it felt like. The way the two of them could look at her the same but so different as well. How to smile. It was easier said than done. It wasn't to hide like someone might assume. In order to feel the bad, she had to feel the good too. She had been so afraid of spiraling into an emotional mess she had shut everything out. Now it was time to let it all back in and allow herself to feel everything.
There was no sense in lying: it wasn't going to be pretty.
Taking a deep breath, Uraraka leaned over and set her phone down on the coffee table. It had been the same one they'd placed Bakugou's laptop on in order to watch the video call from Deku at Kaminari's place. Sitting here now made that night feel like a nightmare. She was so relieved Kaminari was alive. Despite asking about his fate, Deku had avoided answering her every single time. She didn't know why he couldn't just tell her he'd spared Kaminari. It would have saved her a lot of stress and worrying.
Maybe he was a little ashamed - of hurting Kaminari or not following through with killing him. So far, he hadn't killed any one of their friends. It was perhaps her greatest fear. She could keep telling herself that she could bring him back, but if he did something like that, there was no way he would come out of this okay. He'd never forgive himself for hurting one of their own. She wasn't so sure he would now, even if he'd mostly killed villains. His moral compass had always been one of the strongest things about him.
"I thought I was okay, you know? I thought…" She wrapped her arms around her legs tighter and propped her chin on top of her knees. "It wasn't like I was ready to fully move on. I just thought maybe it was time I didn't let his death hold me back anymore. Stop using it as an excuse. He'd want me to do that." She hid her face in her knees, honestly embarrassed. "I guess I was wrong about that."
Iida shook his head. "No, you weren't. I know the villains told you this was Midoriya, but it's not. He would not have wanted you to put your life on hold forever because he was gone. He would not have told you who you could and couldn't spend your time with." His voice was firm and confident. She needed it, but she didn't lift her head just yet. "The last thing Midoriya was in your relationship was controlling. He let you flourish and live your life. It was important to him."
She had been a jealous person growing up, so a part of her understood where Deku was coming from. It made her blush whenever she thought back on it now. When Hatsume got too close to him or when she thought Utsushimi was interested in him, she had let her jealousy get the better of her and turn her into something pitiful and embarrassing. She didn't like being the focus of his jealousy made her uncomfortable and humiliated. Why had she been like that? It had distracted her from her goals. She wasn't like that anymore.
So of course it made perfect sense that Deku was consumed with jealousy now. Maybe he had realized his jealousy over her about Bakugou was distracting him from his goals with the League and that was why he had let her go. He had to set aside his feelings (his love) for her until he could complete that. Then he would be able to focus on her and their relationship. She could understand that too. He couldn't do what the League wanted and have her too. It was dividing him.
It was dividing them.
Deku had always been attentive with their relationship, even when he'd done hero work outside of the country for weeks at a time.
"I knew I wasn't his number one priority," Uraraka admitted, finally lifting her head, "but he never made me feel like I was second best. He made it so obvious that he loved me. His goals as a hero had come before me and they always would be - they made up who he was - but I loved that about him. It gave me the strength to do the same. We were heroes and a part of us would always belong to the public and our duties first. I didn't mind it. I didn't."
"Midoriya was fully committed to being a hero until the very end," Iida agreed. "When I heard what he'd done, I was so shocked I nearly collapsed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. There was no way… Out of everyone in our class, I honestly never he would be the first to give his life in the line of duty. I suppose it's foolish to think that now when I look back on our time at school. There were a number of times he could've died and he never hesitated when I would have."
"He was a hero right from the start," Uraraka said. "I mean, I know I wouldn't have been killed during the entrance exam, but at the time… He saved my life. No hesitation, no regard to himself."
Iida gave her a smile. "You saved him too."
Uraraka laughed softly. "Yeah, I did. It feels like we were always saving each other, even after graduation, like that time a villain interrupted our date." She gripped her legs tightly to the point where her fingers hurt. "Until I didn't."
"You never told me what happened," Iida said. "I know what happened - Todoroki told me - but we never talked about it together." He frowned deeply. "I hoped you would open up, but I didn't want to push you and then you never did. I still don't know if what I did was the right decision."
Giving a shrug of her shoulders, Uraraka said, "I couldn't tell you."
She chewed on her bottom lip in thought. The last time she had talked about that night, it had been with Bakugou on Deku's birthday, but they hadn't explored it in depth, just their regrets about if they could've done more to save him. She couldn't have said when she'd really talked about it - Todoroki didn't like talking about it either - so she just...didn't.
Iida watched her, patiently awaiting her decision. Uraraka let out a breath.
"You know, I can barely remember the villain," she started. "Every time I look back on that night, the first thing I remember was how much it was raining. It kept messing with Bakugou's and Todoroki's quirks. The villain's attack would've taken out an entire city - it was nuclear. I can't remember the details. All I remember is thinking none of us could reach him and he was going to kill so many people - and then Deku jumped. The strength of it knocked me over."
It hadn't been the first time his quirk had overpowered her in some way. They'd worked together often enough as heroes. He always apologized after. After years of using it, he knew his own strength. Normally it didn't bother her, but she had been so worn out that night, stretched to her limit. It was surprising the storm hadn't blown her over. He hadn't had the chance to apologize and he didn't upon taking her with him to the villains' lair.
"His attack took out the villain, but we had little time to celebrate when we realized he was falling fast and would land in the ocean. The waters were so bad. If he didn't drown, he'd be crushed against the cliffside. I told Bakugou to throw me as hard as he could with my quirk activated. If I could reach Deku and touch him - like I did during the entrance exam - he'd be okay. The rockets in my boots were shot so I figured one of Bakugou's explosions, even a small one, would get me there."
She hadn't been wrong. Bakugou had hesitated, looking at her like she was crazy (looking at her like he was scared ), but then he had grabbed her in one hand and used his quirk in the other to propel himself around and throw her as hard as he could. She could still remember how hot it had been. She'd been in close range of his quirk before and on the receiving end too when they were at U.A., but never like that. One second she'd been shivering from the cold rain and the next heat had burst behind her. It was only thanks to her skill with the rockets in her boots that she'd been able to navigate herself through the air to reach Deku.
"I didn't." Uraraka stared at the coffee table, although she wasn't really seeing it. "I was so close - centimeters away. I thought I was going to get him. I was so sure. I was so certain I'd save him because there was no other option. I would save him and then we'd go home together and curl up in bed and we'd talk about it until we fell asleep in each other's arms. But when I went to grab him, I only snatched air and he kept falling."
She could tell that Iida wanted to say something - probably that it wasn't her fault - but he stayed quiet. He'd grown up a lot over the years too, but he'd never lost his desire to take care of the people around him. It could be a friend or a total stranger. He would offer a hand to help them and do everything in his power to do so.
"My heart dropped and I released my quirk so I could too, but I-" Uraraka closed her eyes, but tears seeped out from underneath her eyelids anyway. "I was supposed to save him, but he saved me instead. He knew I wasn't going to make it to him in time, no matter what I did, and he used the last of his strength to push me back into the air away from the water." She put a hand over her face in an attempt to hide the way her lips twisted. "I was supposed to save him. Why couldn't I save him? And now…" She choked on a sob. "What kind of hero am I if I fail to save him again?"
Iida reached over to put a steadying hand on her shoulder. "You're an incredible hero, one of the best. I think he knows that even now."
Uraraka shook her head. "I just made things worse for him." It hurt to admit it out loud, but that was what it felt like now that she had the time to look back on those days. "The more confused he got about what was real and what wasn't - the more confused about what he wanted - the more he relied on the villain's quirk to set things right and the more he dove into the fantasy created around him." Tears spilled down her cheeks. "He was so lost, Iida, and I was always supposed to be a guiding light to help lead him back home, but I couldn't. He didn't want to come back. He couldn't."
"That's not true," Iida insisted. "I saw the change in him during the last confrontation. When Kota used his quirk to stop him from killing Bakugou, there was something in his eyes that looked like the Midoriya I remembered."
Pulling her hand away from her face, Uraraka looked at him and precariously asked, "You saw that too? I thought, maybe, but I didn't want to look into things that weren't there." It was terrifying to cling onto anything that resembled hope, but Uraraka had always been a hopeful person and she held onto Iida's words with a desperate grip. "I saw it in his eyes - in his face - it was him. It was Deku. Then, on the rooftop, he told me I had to let him go. He left me and I don't know what to think. It was like watching him die and losing him all over again. How am I supposed to do that? Why would he say that to me? I thought…"
"It was him," Iida said. "I don't know how and I don't know why, but if only for a moment, Deku realized that what he was asking of you was wrong. If he truly loves you, he knows what he's doing will only tear you apart." He took his hand off her shoulder and fixed his glasses. "You know that saying? If you love someone, you'll let them go; and if they come back, then it'll prove they love you too. Yes, you might have asked him to take you, but that was it: he took you. He needs you to come back to him willingly."
Shame flared in Uraraka's mind as she quietly asked, "What if I don't want to? At least not in the way he wants?"
"Then that's your decision and it's one he has to accept," Iida told her. "If he loves you, he will. If he doesn't accept it, that's not love."
"It's just so hard to tell," Uraraka burst. She felt like she was a blank canvas and her emotions were being splattered against it. They were a mess, all over the place and mixed up, and hard to describe. "Kyomu's quirk messed with his mind and feelings so much. It's like he took Deku's love for me and made it ten times worse. You should've seen him when he thought I wanted to be with Bakugou. He was so hurt, but even worse, he was terrifying. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but I'd never seen him like that before. It was wrong. "
Iida nodded. "I understand. Midoriya was ever a jealous person before."
"It wasn't in his nature," Uraraka said. "I don't know if it was just Bakugou or something else. For a moment, he seemed to not know how he felt about Shouto and I becoming closer friends after his death, but then he was always so…" She sank back in the couch. "He decided that Shouto was taking care of me as a friend, but his help was no longer necessary. It was weird. I think he missed him too." A strange look flickered across Iida's face, quick enough for her to miss it if she hadn't been looking at him, and she sat up. "The quirk forced him to stop thinking about you and Tsu as much. It's not that he didn't care or miss you at all. You just...weren't his focus."
"I'm not upset about that," Iida told her. She gave him a soft look of disbelief and he sighed. "I would consider him to be one of my closest friends. Some of my fondest memories are of him, Todoroki, and me. They became like brothers to me in their own way." She saw him move his hands and could tell he was actively stilling them. Some old habits died hard. "To have him not even look my way or consider me… I will admit it hurt. At first, I thought he believed I wasn't a threat, but then I realized he didn't even take note of me. It was like I wasn't even there."
This time it was Uraraka who laid a hand on top of his. "It's not like that. The quirk made him focus on me, Bakugou, Shouto."
"I know that now," Iida replied, "but it made me also realize the main villain doesn't consider me a threat to Midoriya."
"Then he's wrong," Uraraka insisted fiercely. "Deku loved you like a brother and best friend. Kyomu couldn't turn him against you, so he made it so that he didn't think of you much. You're a threat just as much as me, if not more because you're not fighting against his hate for Bakugou."
Iida took a deep breath and relaxed under her touch, accepting what she was saying, but she could tell that he was still struggling. "The last confrontation was different. He actually acknowledged me, but it was...almost formal? He didn't even go all out. I could tell right from the start. He wasn't toying with us, but he wasn't fighting to his full potential either."
"Neither was Bakugou," Uraraka added, "although he won't admit it."
"No, he wasn't," Iida agreed. "I've seen him go all out numerous times against Midoriya and this wasn't it."
Uraraka put her hands in her lap. "I think he's ashamed. We talked about what happened between them. He knows what he did was wrong and it humiliates him. He's afraid he's the reason Deku is like this." The problem was that she didn't think Deku would've become a hero in the first place if not for him either. Their relationship and history was complicated and messy. It had been a playground for someone like Kyomu, but she knew that the real Deku would've been heartbroken over his behavior towards Bakugou.
And she knew that Bakugou didn't want to hurt him, not truly, not again.
"I'm scared," Uraraka admitted. "I'm scared and confused and so…" She clenched her hands into fists. "I'm so angry. What they did to him - you have no idea. One second he was just as I remembered, so kind and sweet, and the next he was violent, volatile, and furious. He bounced from one extreme to the next."
"I can't imagine how painful it was seeing him like that," Iida murmured.
"They used me against him." Uraraka had to steady her breathing. "I thought I could bring him back, but it sent him further down." She held her face in her hands and let out a hot, heavy breath before pulling her hands away again and tilting her head back, her eyes wet with tears. "I don't know if he can come back from this and if he does it will never be the same. I think that's part of why he keeps running back to the villains. He knows his life with us is gone, but he can't fully accept it or he'll be totally adrift."
"We have to give him something to hold onto." Iida seemed so sure of himself. Uraraka didn't know how he did it, but she needed it more than he realized. Maybe she wasn't having the crying session Bakugou had imagined for her, but this was exactly what she had needed. Iida's hope, faith, and determination. He never stopped, even when it seemed like all was lost.
Still, he'd not seen what she had. He hadn't seen Deku murder a villain in cold blood. He hadn't seen the way the other villains deferred to him out of both fear and respect - and maybe even fondness. It couldn't all be fake, could it? They couldn't all be pretending to like him so he would stay on their side and not turn on them. She thought of the way Kurogiri had ruffled Deku's hair upon their return to the hideout, how Ikeda had teased him, and how Dabi had called him "boss" in that amused sort of way friends did.
The way Kyomu had calmed both him and Shouto down, like a father. Some of it had to be real, whether they had expected it or not. Deku drew people in, heroes and civilians and villains alike. He captured attention when he had spent his entire childhood quirkless and ignored. Uraraka didn't understand it at all. It wasn't his quirk that made him a hero.
It was simply who he was.
Except now he wasn't. He was a villain. Who did that make him now? Uraraka didn't know. He wasn't the only one who was being changed either. She didn't want to think about him, but she knew she would face him soon enough. There would be no escaping that fight.
"And then there's Shouto…" Her heart shot into her throat. "Deku was already under the quirk, but watching Shouto suffer through it and not being able to do anything killed me. Knowing he's there now with Deku probably watching on the sidelines…" She was so mad at him. How could Deku think this was okay? Was he really that lonely? Did he truly think Todoroki would be better off once it took him over? "I could see the change in him already." She peered at Iida sideways. "How much do you know about his history?"
Iida wore a somewhat ashamed look. "Enough. He never went into details, but we both come from families with strong hero legacies, so we eventually talked about it." He looked down at his hands. "I didn't know… After we started to become friends, I knew something was wrong. His behavior towards his father was much different from the way I am with mine and Tensei. I thought maybe it was just him, but I could feel something wrong. The weight he carried was much heavier than mine."
"I think he was ready to give into the quirk when I was there," Uraraka admitted. "It was like he was only holding out because I was there and he couldn't let me down, but it tricks you into thinking you need it - that everything Kyomu says is the truth and you need it to be happy. I don't know how else to explain it, but it's quite possibly the worst thing to happen for Shouto because he will feel better. He won't want to go back to the way things were before. It was a lot of hard work to heal. Sometimes it's easier to leave the wound open and that quirk tore him right back up."
"We'll get them back," Iida reassured her. He meant it with everything in him. She saw the determination in his eyes behind his glasses and the way his jaw was set. It was either get them back or die trying. It was what Deku would do in their shoes. "I wasn't there to save him the first time, not that I would've been able to do much, and every time there's a confrontation, it's like he's avoiding me. I don't know if it's the quirk or something else."
Uraraka thought back to the times she met Kyomu. "I know he couldn't force Deku to kill you or Tsu. Neither one of you did anything awful he could manipulate that severely."
"I know a few things he could twist," Iida said. She furrowed her brow at him. "Our first Sports Festival when I wouldn't work with him and" - he looked away from her - "the Stain incident."
Ah, yes, that was complicated. "Deku told me about it."
Iida grimaced. "Not one of my finer points."
"It seems like the Deku now would get along with Stain," Uraraka sighed. "You should've heard what he was saying about hero society. I hate admitting it, but he made sense at times." She looked down at her hands. "I guess that's what really shakes me up: that he was still making sense even when he was acting wildly out of character - that he still wants to do good while committing horrific crimes - that he's still him when he isn't."
Sitting up straight, Iida proclaimed, "The real Midoriya is still in there and we'll get him back. We'll save Todoroki too - from the villains, his past, and himself. We're heroes. It's what we do."
"What if it's not enough?" Uraraka asked.
"Then we try again until it is." Iida made it sound so simple, although they both knew it wasn't. There also wasn't another option. Either they kept fighting or they gave up - and heroes did not give up. Villains had the option of retreating, but heroes did not. Uraraka knew that she would not rest fully until this was finished. She was scaling a wall of epic proportions with no rope or anything to protect her should she fall.
She was used to falling. She dreamed about it often enough.
Before she could thank Iida for giving her exactly what she'd needed - what she'd denied herself - a phone rang in the air, startling the both of them. Uraraka's first instinct was to grab her phone off the coffee table, but when it lied dormant in her hand, they realized it was his phone ringing. Iida pulled it from his pocket, but then hesitated and furrowed his brow when he looked at the caller ID.
"Who is it?" Uraraka asked.
"I...don't know," Iida said carefully.
Uraraka's heart skipped a beat. "Deku."
Iida looked up at her, an alarmed expression on his face. "Why would he be calling me? Why now? You said it yourself: the quirk is pushing me to the side in his mind."
"Maybe not for much longer after that last fight," Uraraka said. Her eyes dropped down to the phone. She couldn't know it was him and yet she did. It was Deku. It couldn't be anyone else. "You were bound to become a problem eventually. It might be easier if you were dealt with sooner than later."
Swallowing his anxieties, his Adam's apple bobbing, Iida answered the phone call near its last ring and pressed the speaker button, hold it out between them. "Hello?"
"Why do you sound so unsure? You know it's me."
Uraraka closed her eyes. It was Deku, just as she'd suspected. She couldn't breathe. Just hearing his voice made her want to tremble. She snatched her phone from the table and sent a text to Tokoyami, Aizawa, and Naomasa letting them know he was in contact with them.
"Why are you calling me, Midoriya?" Iida asked in a tone much stronger than she felt - and he looked.
"I can't call an old friend?"
Iida stiffened. "No, you can't. What do you want?"
There was a pause on the other end that lasted almost thirty seconds, but before Iida could prompt him, Deku abruptly continued, "I just wanted to thank you." His voice was much more subdued now, like he was trying to stay quiet and calm.
Her mind raced. Did the other villains know he was calling Iida? She had a feeling that Deku sometimes did things they weren't aware of, things that tied him back to his old life. Had they known about him watching her from a distance? They'd given him photos to look at and motivate him and his hatred for Bakugou, but it hadn't been enough for him. His love ( his obsession) had become too great for them to completely control.
"Thank me for what?" Iida asked.
"For reminding me what a true hero is," Deku said. The stunned look on Iida's face said it all: Deku's words were like a punch to the gut. They should've been good, but they still hurt considering the situation. "I'd kind of lost hope that there were still any out there, but I should've known… I should've remembered you would be one. I don't know why I forgot."
Because you're being manipulated! Uraraka wanted to scream, but her mouth was dry and her throat constricted.
Iida's grip on his phone tightened even as his voice softened: "It was all thanks to you. After all, you helped inspire me to become the hero I am today."
"You're gonna make me blush," Deku laughed. He didn't sound amused though. He sounded...sad.
Iida must have heard it too. He looked sad as well. This was his friend. "Izuku."
"I've really messed up with her, haven't I, Tenya?" Deku said, suddenly switching gears. This wasn't sadness. No, it was pain. "I don't know what to do. Shouto says… Shouto says a lot of stuff right now. Well, not a lot - he's never been talkative, as you know. He's a bit confused right now. I guess I am too." He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. "Ochako would say it was the quirk talking. Maybe she's right! I just… I miss her. I miss her smile and her laugh. I thought I'd be okay once she was here, but it didn't feel the way I pictured. She wasn't happy and I want her to be happy. I want her-"
"Stop," Iida interrupted. "You need to breathe. You're spiraling."
Deku laughed nervously. "You're right. I am."
"If you truly want Ochako to be happy, you'd turn yourself in," Iida told him.
"You know it's not that simple."
"Isn't it?" Iida closed his eyes. "Just come back. She misses you too. We all do."
There was another pause and then Deku sighed. "You're terrible at this, you know?"
Iida frowned down at the phone. "What-?"
"Trying to convince me to come back when you know damn well I can't," Deku interrupted, his voice suddenly cold. It sent chills down Uraraka's spine. "I wasn't lying about what I said. I want Ochako to be happy and I want her to be with me. I can't lose sight of my other goals too. She understands that." It wasn't that she was second best or not his first priority. There was always something larger in Deku's life, bigger than her and him. "See, I told you he'd try again to convince me to stop."
"Who are-?"
"Oh, I'm with Shouto," Deku cut in casually. "Say hi, Shouto. I'm sure Ochako is worried and wants to hear your voice to make sure you're okay."
Her heart shot into her throat. Of course he knew she was here. Of course he knew she was listening in on the conversation. What didn't he know? What did he not anticipate? He'd known them for years and had gathered information on all their skills and habits.
She almost whimpered and even the phone began to shake in Iida's hand when Shouto's voice was heard on the other end, "Uraraka. Iida." It was terribly even. Once upon a time, she would've believed that meant he was doing good and holding out - he was strong - but right now she knew it was a sign that something was horribly wrong. He shouldn't sound like that. He shouldn't sound like he wasn't struggling. The last time she'd seen him, his voice had been wavering.
"We miss you, Ochako," Deku said when he took the phone back, "but we'll see you soon. We've just got some business we have to take care of first. I have to work on this and then we can work on us. We'll be happy again. I promise." She should say something - he wanted her to say something - but she pressed her lips together and stayed quiet. "You're not going to say anything? I know you're there. That safehouse isn't as comfortable as our apartment, is it?"
Uraraka's blood chilled in her veins and her mouth dried. Iida flinched and began to look around as if Deku was going to walk into the living room like a ghost.
"Don't worry," Deku said dismissively, which only made her worry more. "We're not going to mess with it. I'd rather you stay there. I don't want you to get hurt anymore." That didn't make her feel better. If anything it scared her more to know he'd known she was here and hadn't done anything. It made her feel like a caged animal. "This has been hard for all of us. I understand. Leaving you with Kacchan was… It was difficult. Painful. I didn't want to let you go, but I have to for now. You're better not in the middle. I love you - maybe too much. I don't know."
"If you loved her," Iida said, "then you wouldn't be torturing her like this."
Silence hung heavy over them. She could feel Deku thinking on the other side. She held her breath and waited.
"I know."
And then Deku hung up.
Iida and Uraraka looked at each other. Less than a minute later, there was a knock on the door, the rapping a certain beat, and then it opened to reveal Bakugou walking inside. He looked irritated and frazzled, but not as much as he would have been had he shown upon a few minutes ago. He froze when they turned to look at him, catching sight of their matching faces.
"What?" he demanded.
"Where have you been?" Uraraka blurted out. It wasn't what she'd meant to say, but the question bubbled to the surface without a thought. It was what she wanted to know.
Bakugou ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. "We had to relocate Kota on top of Todoroki's family. You should've seen the stink Endeavor put up. He's being taken off as a lead." An ugly sneer crossed Bakugou's face. "It's not a lot of fun when people think you're a target. He's pissed. Dealing with him is worse than-" His eyes finally landed on the phone Iida was still holding out between him and Uraraka and he narrowed his gaze. It didn't take him long to come up with an idea about what just happened.
Uraraka confirmed it for him anyway. "It was him. We alerted the others, but he knows about this place."
"Fuck!" Bakugou swore, slamming the door shut hard enough to make the old house rattle. "Where is he?"
"I...think I might have an idea," Uraraka said hesitantly. She held out her hand to Iida. "May I?" Iida gave her a confused look, but then caught on to what she was asking and gave her his cellphone. She pulled up the info on the most recent call on it and then her contact list on her phone. "I thought it looked familiar."
"What?" Bakugou questioned.
Uraraka turned her attention back to him. "The phone number Deku used to call Iida. He didn't recognize it, but I knew I'd seen it before." She gave her phone to Iida for him to look at. "It's Kota's number. Deku took his phone when we met him in the park. He still has it on him - and it's turned on."
