Did you miss us? We don't have much news to share this week, just that we have both been busy with RL, but we hope you enjoy the chapter. We have been diligently working on an outtake that is Renee & Esme centric for the lovely sharkbellywhite who bought us in the FGB: Eclipse Edition auction, so you should see it in the next month or so. We love our beta, MaggieMay14, even though she is mad there is no lemon in this chapter.
We don't own Twilight; but CPW is chomping at the bit to get the new Joshua Radin album that was released yesterday.
BPOV
It was so quiet, almost too quiet actually. Other than the soft hum of the hotel generator and Edward's gentle snoring, the world was completely silent – and I was wide awake. I wasn't even sure exactly what time it was since the digital clock on the bedside table was blinking from the power outage.
After tossing and turning for who knows how long, I finally decided to get up and go peek out the window to see what the weather was like. The fact that we were still on generator power didn't bode well, but I remembered Charlie saying that it was supposed to be fine by the next afternoon. I got out of bed quickly, smooshing the covers back down and kind of bunching them around Edward so that he wouldn't get cold. Thankfully, he didn't wake up because as much as I had things that I needed to say to him, I wanted to get my thoughts organized first.
I grabbed his hoodie and threw it on before walking over to my bag and finding some undies, blushing as I remembered why I didn't have any on in the first place. Last night was wonderful. It was beautifully carnal and perfect and oh so necessary, but not at all what I had planned on happening. I mean, I dropped the towel. What the hell… that was so not me. I dropped my freakin' towel. All he did was ask why I got the tattoo. There was no mention of seeing it or wanting to know what I got, he just asked why. Apparently, I was feeling bold last night.
As I replayed the thoughts and feelings in my head, I wasn't sure what triggered it other than teenage hormones, there was one thing of which I was completely certain. It had to happen again; and by it, I didn't mean the sex, though that needed to happen again too. I meant the bare knuckles, no pretenses, walls down straightforwardness. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if this relationship was going to survive, we both needed to just let go from time to time and be the only two people in our universe.
I stood by what I said to Edward though, talk was overrated. Well, at that particular time. Last night was about emotions and laying it all out there, being bare for each other – literally and metaphorically. We were both classic over thinkers, which was most likely what got us in this mess in the first place.
We acted on instinct and it was as close to him as I had felt in months, even before our issues escalated. It reminded me of the night before I left for London, where we sat on my bed and looked at pictures from our past. We kissed for real for the first time that night, before he panicked and hightailed it out my bedroom window.
I pulled back a corner of the curtain and saw the snow falling down from the sky. There would be no running today, for either of us, and possibly no driving. The snow was deep and I didn't see an end in sight. So much for accurate weather reporting.
I was surprised that we hadn't heard more from Charlie, but then figured that he was probably out assisting stranded motorists and handling things back in Forks. He had made a career out of dealing with stressful and potentially emotional situations and yet he was the one person that didn't try and give me any advice. He'd always made a point of instilling in me that a person was in charge of his or her own destiny and that I was responsible for the decisions and choices I made in my life. Of course, I think he was just trying to make sure that I stayed out of prison, but I guessed the same could be applied to relationship advice as well.
After I'd seen all that I wanted to of the white out outside, I let go of the curtain and darkness covered the room again. I had some thinking to do and now was the time to do it. It was a little cold in the room and I still didn't have any pants on, so I pulled my knees up and under Edwards's hoodie forming a little cocoon in the god-awful upholstered chair in which I found myself huddled. It wasn't the ideal situation, but I didn't want to risk waking Edward up. It was bad enough that I couldn't sleep, but there was no need for both of us to be awake at this hour. Besides, he looked really, really cute while he was fast asleep and who knew if I'd ever get the chance to see him like this again.
I didn't know what would happen once we were able to leave the hotel, whether it happened later today or if it didn't come until tomorrow because the roads continued to be impassable. However, I was determined that we wouldn't leave until I'd had a chance to say everything I needed to say and he'd had a chance to hear everything that he deserved to hear. He needed to hear me say that I was wrong. I started to mentally go through everything I needed to atone for, and the list was long, like really long. Still, it had to be done.
"Hey." I heard a sleepy voice come from the bed and I looked up, as I felt tears fall from my eyes and move down my cheeks.
Oh great, I couldn't start crying already. I needed to be together for this, I needed to make him believe that I meant it and not make him think I was putting on the waterworks for my own benefit. That wasn't it though, these tears weren't for me, they were because I was scared to lose him. I could handle whatever happened to me, but I couldn't stand to hurt him anymore.
"Hey yourself. You should go back to sleep you know. It's still really early and the snow is still coming down pretty hard. There's no need to be in any hurry." I kept my voice at a whisper because I truly wanted him to go back to sleep. I wanted him comfortable and safe and happy always, nothing else would do.
"I didn't like waking up and not knowing where you were. It felt all wrong."
"You know where I am, Edward. I promise not to go anywhere until we go together, okay?" It sounded like he wanted me to get back in bed with him and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I was resisting. That was totally not the smart thing to do, but it was the only way I felt like I could prove to myself that I was serious about talking about things today and not just sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich. As good as I was at evading the issues, that wasn't going to be the way I worked anymore. If wanted to be a grown up, it was time to start acting like one.
"Bella… please come back."
If only he knew how much those words meant to me.
"Please come back and get more sleep. I'm all too familiar with how ornery you get when you don't get the requisite eight hours. Besides, my feet are cold. I think generator power has affected the strength of the heaters in this place."
"Ahhhh, the truth comes out. It's not me you miss, it's my body heat. I see how it is." I unfolded out of my little ball and stood up from the chair, walking over to the bed and pulling the covers back, but avoided looking at Edward. I also kept the hoodie on… and my undies. Why risk temptation, right? I got in the bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to be respectful and appropriate while half naked. It was doable.
"I've never lied to you, Bella."
"I know, Edward. I know." And this time, I knew he was talking about more than just this particular situation. "Go back to sleep. We'll talk when it's not an obscene hour to be awake."
"Come closer."
I scooted over a few inches until my pinkie touched his and curled around it.
"Closer."
There was elbow contact.
"A little more."
"Edward, I…" God, how could I say what I wanted to say without sounding completely heartless and well, completely stupid?
"Shhhh, Bella. I know. We'll talk later. I just want to be as close to you as possible right now, with no interruptions, no distractions, no nuthin'."
"Anything," I giggled.
"Shut up," he mumbled into the top of my head as he pulled me over to rest on his chest. I kept my hands up where I could see them, knowing full well that he was still naked under the covers and right there. "Much better," he whispered and as I lay there and listened to his breathing even out, I realized that snow or no snow, tacky hotel room or not, there was nowhere on this earth that I'd rather be at that moment.
I'd been lucky enough to have Edward as my best friend and as my boyfriend. Some people don't get to experience love like that ever, much less at seventeen and eighteen years old. I'd almost lost him and if I was lucky enough to get him back in whatever capacity, I was bound and determined never to risk that happening again. Ever. As the thoughts of everything we'd gone through together started to play back through my mind like a slide show, I felt my eyelids grow heavy again, and with Edward's heartbeat as my lullaby, I fell back asleep in his arms.
Best. Snowstorm. Ever.
I didn't dream at all after I fell back asleep. Well, I can't say that for certain, but I definitely didn't remember anything if I had dreamt. I slept hard and well for the first time in over a month, and if it weren't for the fingers I felt running through the ends of my hair, I'd probably still be asleep. It was very faint, almost like it wasn't there at all; I wasn't sure he even realized what he was doing.
I nuzzled in closer to him, burrowing into his chest and wrapping my arms around him tighter. His hands froze, confirming that he wasn't trying to wake me up, but since I was, he might as well continue.
"Don't stop."
Nothing.
"Please?"
Still nothing.
"I'll beg if I have to."
This situation was getting dangerously close to being inappropriate and while I was comfortable with the hidden innuendos and awkward humor, it was not the time and I knew it. Eventually though, he put his hand back and the combing continued.
"Such a good boy." Fuck, it stopped again. "Sorry," I giggled.
"Sometimes I wonder about you Bella," he finally spoke after a few minutes of blissful silence and gentle innocent touches. I went to prop myself up on my elbows, but when he let out a gasp of pain because apparently an elbow in the sternum didn't feel all that great, I ended up resting my chin on my hands and looking at him.
Edward had a very beautiful chin. And needed to shave, he was getting just a little bit of scruff, but it was past the sandpaper stage and was just right. Yeah, I had to move so with a huff I flung myself over to the other side of the bed and stared at the ceiling willing myself to stop acting like a fool because that was the easy way out. It was time to talk, and while I knew it was risky considering we were more than likely stuck at this hotel for at least one more night, I knew that if it didn't happen now, it wouldn't happen at all. So I closed my eyes, held my nose, and jumped in feet first.
"We need to talk."
"I know we do." Edward started to sit up and my eyes were immediately drawn to his naked torso as it slowly emerged from the covers. Yeah, I totally needed to get out of this bed.
I jumped up and ran over to my suitcase where I pulled out the yoga pants I had intended to wear last night. After I had them on, I walked over to the ugly chair and sat down again. Edward still hadn't moved and was still gloriously half-naked on the bed. Wait, he hadn't been up since last night, so he was STILL naked. Ungh.
There was no way I was going to be able to focus with him over there like that. No way. It was making me nervous and distracted and I really, really wanted to go over there and get back in bed with him, but no. No. No. No. No. No.
The look on his face totally let me know he knew exactly what he was doing. Evil little shit.
"What?"
I just looked at him, feeling the blush start to creep over my face. Why was this making me so nervous? I'd seen him naked before and hopefully I'd see him naked again. I could close my eyes and see him naked. Okay, so closing my eyes then was a no-no.
"Um, do you think you can put some clothes on? You're kind of… well, naked still and that's um… that's making it kind of difficult for me to focus and…" I looked up at him and saw him fighting back a smirk, but he couldn't hide the twinkle in his eyes. Gah, this whole not closing my eyes thing was proving to be just as difficult. Open, I see him teasing me, all twinkly and smirky with bed head. Closed, I see him naked. I needed to go look out the window… or go outside and cool off.
"I kinda can't get out of bed right now, Swan."
I just looked at him for a second completely confused. "See, waking up with you laying across me and then seeing you walk across the room in nothing but my sweatshirt…well, let's just say you're not the only one having a hard time this morning."
Oh.
Oh.
Immediately my eyes were drawn to where the covers met his body and… oh.
"You know, looking isn't helping matters."
Jesus fuck, this was not starting out the way I had hoped. I felt like a complete bumbling fool, of course he needed some privacy but it wasn't like I could go for a drive and come back.
Oooh, coffee. I could go get some coffee. "Oh, right. Yeah. How about this? I'll go walk down to the restaurant and see what they have for breakfast. Surely they have cereal or something. You do," I waved my hands in some vague manner, "whatever it is you need to do and I'll be back in twenty. Is that enough time?"
I thought I heard him mutter two minutes under his breath before he finally nodded. So, I threw on my shoes, pulled my hair back in a ponytail and went to see if I could find something to eat. And possibly regain my composure.
Twenty-three minutes later, I was willing to err on the side of too much time instead of not enough, I got back to the room. As soon as I opened the door, I was hit with the scent of shampoo and the humidity of an incredibly hot shower. Edward was standing over by the window watching the snow that was still falling and I went over to join him. "I'm sorry." I handed him a cup of coffee and we both took a few sips in silence, as I clutched my anxiously.
"Bella, I…"
"No wait. Let me do this. I should have done this a long time ago. I'm sorry. For everything." Suddenly with those four words, I was no longer nervous, I was no longer afraid and I was no longer avoiding. It felt right.
"I think deep down inside, I knew you were right from the get go and it was my stupid, stupid pride that kept me from admitting it. So many things changed for us at the same time, and while that's a pretty shitty excuse, I latched on to it and got carried away. Yes, I went to London and tasted independence. Yes, I loved it and wanted more. I still do, in fact. I don't know what made me think that those weeks made me this whole new person… it was a fucking exchange program. I was hardly international at that point. I don't know, maybe I should have started smaller and tried to go to Oregon for a few weeks instead. Who knows?"
"I fell in love with the freedom to be who I'd always wanted to be. I was Bella. Not the Police Chief's or Renee's daughter. Not the smart girl or the sweet girl or the good girl. I was not your best friend or the third wheel to your and Emmett's bromance."
"Hey," Edward jumped in, clearly taking offence to me making fun of his friendship with Emmett.
"Can I finish please?" Edward nodded as I continued on. "For the first time in my life, the decisions I made affected me and me alone. But what I failed to see, as I was blinded by the glamour of it all, was that just because I found who I wanted to be, it didn't mean that I had to ignore everything that made me who I am."
I took a few sips of my coffee, allowing me to catch my breath and organize my thoughts. It was true that the whole London thing was overplayed, but if I was going to spill it, I had to start at the source. I took his hand and pulled him away from the window and to the bed, where I sat down and patted the space beside me. As long as we stayed vertical, we'd be fine.
"You were right about Liam."
His eyes got really wide for a second and I could see his hands start to tighten around the Styrofoam cup. I took the coffee away from him for a second so he wouldn't inadvertently burn himself, and then I continued.
"Shhh. Nothing happened. I totally overreacted that night in the HUB when that girl came over and asked about your plans. I shouldn't have. We weren't together, you had every right to move on, but it just caught me off guard. I was hurt and wanted to prove to myself that I was right to make myself feel better, and it totally backfired."
"Did he…"
"No. No, nothing like that. We went to dinner, he got obnoxious and I haven't seen or heard from him since. My assumption is that he may have an appointment with a plastic surgeon over Christmas. Oh, and I may or may not be banned from the Thai restaurant… I'm not sure."
"Anyway, I wanted to tell you that night. In fact, I went to your room but it wasn't the right time and I didn't have the right words and I don't know, you deserved… hell you still deserve, so much better than that. I should have just trusted in what we had instead of making assumptions. I jumped to conclusions even after all the years we've been friends and there is nothing I can say or do to undo it, though I will do everything I can to make sure it never happens again. I need to have you in my life in whatever capacity I can."
"Bella…"
"I've thought so much about what I wanted to say when we finally sat down and talked and I feel like I'm just talking in circles. So many things I want to tell you and apologize for and try to fix and…"
"Bella…"
"Like the night I got the tattoo, when Angela was so snarky. That was totally unfair of her to go off on you like that. You didn't know what I was feeling because we hadn't talked. She only knew what I had told her and it was hardly impartial. It wasn't fair to you or her to put either of you in that situation…"
"Bella…"
"The funny thing is that out of everybody, I got the best advice from the two people that I didn't talk to. Renee and Alice… go figure. A nutcase and an eight almost nine year old, neither of which had any true idea of what went on. That was another thing I wanted to apo…"
"BELLA"
Oh. Yeah. I guess I was a little out of control there for a second, but I had so many things to say and I just got caught up in the momentum that, well, oops. I looked up at Edward through unspilled tears and grinned, hoping that he wasn't angry and believed me when I said I was sorry.
Because I was sorry.
So, so sorry.
I needed to keep going, there was more for us to talk about, but before I could start again, Edward shifted towards the middle of the bed and sat cross-legged as he pulled me until I was sitting as his mirror-image, knee to knee.
"I've heard everything you've had to say, and I appreciate it. Really, I do… you have no idea how much. But this was not only your fault and your wrong doing and your mistake and the way you were talking concerns me. Don't take this the wrong way, but you have a little bit of your mother in you and, stop looking at me like that, just hear me out." He grinned and in spite of the part of me that was somewhat irritated that he said I was like Renee I grinned back. "You have to admit it, once you chisel away the part of you that is epically stubborn, you are a bit of a free spirit. And while I'm no geneticist, I'm pretty damned certain you did not get that from Charlie."
Very true, the craziest Charlie got was when he wore deck shoes without socks during the summer.
"I should have thought about my word choices and how it would sound to you. To me, it sounded completely logical, but I can see how you would think I was trying to take over your life, but can you blame me for wanting to keep you all to myself?"
Swoon.
"I finally had everything I had ever wanted and all I saw was this strange guy who I didn't know, but got to share an incredible and personal experience with you that I would never get to replicate. A guy who made it completely obvious, to me and everybody else on the planet that he wanted in your pants. I'm sorry, but I won't apologize for having an issue with that. The way I handled it, absolutely. I would never, ever, try and keep you from something or someone that means something to you Bella. I love you. You and your quirks and word vomit and passion for everything. I envy your joie de vivre."
God, he's hot when he speaks French. So not the time.
"As for Angela, I don't even remember what she said. All I remember hearing is that you had a tattoo and that I couldn't see it. I've known Angela for a long time and if she said something caustic, then odds are it was deserved. Now Liam… as far as I'm concerned, he's gone. I would, however, have loved to have seen you take him down. I wonder if the restaurant has it on their security tapes? Maybe we could get it uploaded to YouTube or something?"
"I don't think that restaurant would give let me in their doors, let alone have access to their security tapes," we laughed as Edward reached forward and grabbed my hand, holding it in both of his and rubbing small circles on the back of it with both thumbs.
I started down at our hands together and was overwhelmed with emotions and hope. "I don't know what happens here. I do know that we need some time to figure things out and learn how to be together, how to grow together and how to work together, otherwise it's just going to happen again. Honestly, I'm not sure I can survive that. I can't even begin to describe how miserable I've been. It wouldn't surprise me if Emmett moved out while we've been gone, not that he sleeps anywhere but in Rosalie's room anyway. Hell, once the semester is over and they don't have to be all incognito and shit, I'll probably never see him again."
He was right. If we were going to get back together, we needed to start over and do it differently. "We need to talk, to tell each other what's going on and how we feel. No more assumptions and jumping to conclusions. No more reacting first, thinking later."
"I actually have an issue with that last little bit."
I looked at him in confusion because I thought that was exactly what he was saying. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "After last night, you can react that way any time you want."
Thank God it was still snowing because I didn't want us going anywhere.
EPOV
After we finished our coffees in the hotel room, Bella and I made our way down to the restaurant together, hoping to get some information on the storm and some food. We discovered that although the snow was starting to slow a bit, it wasn't expected to completely stop until the evening. Chloe, the woman running the hotel, gave us a deck of cards to pass the time and Bella and I spent the afternoon sitting in our room playing different card games as we continued to talk about what had happened between us.
I was shocked that Bella had apologized to me shortly after I woke up, but I was even more surprised she said I was right about Liam. If I was being honest, I never thought I would hear her say that at all. As she spoke about them going on a date, I began to plot out horrible ways to torture Liam for playing such a big role in splitting us up. If it wasn't for him, things probably wouldn't have spiraled out of control the way they did. Bella was truly apologetic about everything, so as we sat on the bed eating some hot wings for dinner, I decided it was time I said something serious about our break up.
"So, this morning was good cause we were so open with each other…"
"I sense a but," Bella said as she straightened up and stared me down with a worried expression on her face. I reached forward and tried to smooth out the anxious lines on her forehead and between her eyes.
"I just think we need a game plan, so we can try to avoid this shit in the future. Like I said this morning, I don't think I could survive if we tried again and we both fucked it all up."
"Okay… a game plan. How about I shut up and trust you?"
"Well, I like that idea in theory, but it doesn't fix anything really, right?" Bella nodded her head gently as I spoke again. "I think we should go slowly, if we are going to do this again."
"We aren't doing this?" Bella questioned as she motioned between the two of us with shaky fingers. "I guess we didn't really decide what we were going to do right? Just that we need to go slow and figure shit out."
"Do you want to date me again?"
"Yes!" she shouted emphatically as she smacked her hand over her mouth in embarrassment and I laughed happily. I had really missed this side of Bella. The playful, easygoing girl with the naturally sarcastic sense of humor that I fell in love with. I wanted that girl back.
"Well I really want that too, but maybe we should just spend some time together when we get back to school, and I could maybe take you on a date when we get back to Forks, since we'll be so busy with school before winter break and all that shit, right?" I heard Bella let out a huge sigh of disappointment and I reached my hand over and entwined my fingers with hers. "We can't go back to what we were before, Bells. We need to figure out how it works for us now, at school and with people who clearly don't want us together. But I also don't want to rush anything and ruin us again."
"By rushing you mean like last night?"
"Well no… last night was… it was beyond anything I ever expected, and I really liked seeing a bolder side of you, but I think we shouldn't have sex for a bit. Just until we're more comfortable being together. I don't want sex to be the band-aid that fixes us, even though it was an awesome band-aid." I was an idiot. What the hell was I doing denying myself sex with the girl of my dreams? Sure, we had it less than 12 hours ago, but it was mind-blowing, it always was, but we couldn't have the sex become the reason we get back together.
Suddenly, Bella's phone began ringing and I cleaned up our left over dinner as she started talking animatedly to her mother. "Yes Mom… we're doing just fine… he's being a complete gentleman," Bella said with a wink in my direction. "No, we're not stupid enough to leave tonight." Bella covered her hand over the receiver and handed the phone to me as I looked at her confused. "Charlie wants to talk to you."
I clutched the phone nervously as Bella smiled from ear to ear. "Hi Charlie," I said tensely, feeling like I was about to puke. Before I dated Bella, Charlie was just a regular guy to me, my dad's best friend. However, when Bella came back from Europe and they found out we were dating, Charlie suddenly seemed threatening to me. Then again, it was probably my imagination overreacting because I had deflowered his daughter on his wife's car. He would definitely string me up by my nuts if he knew that.
"Evening Edward. I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going."
"Uh… as well as can be expected considering we are snowed in."
"Are you guys bored?"
"Nope. The power came back on just before we had dinner, so we have the TV to watch now. Bella's had the news coverage on trying to get info on the road conditions."
"Smart girl. I knew I raised her right."
"Yes you did, Charlie."
"Before you leave tomorrow, if you are allowed to leave of course, make sure you have some supplies in the car like a blanket, some food and some kitty litter to help get you out of trouble if you get stuck in the snow."
"Uh… I already have all of that Charlie. You were the one who made my mother buy that winter roadside assistance kit for my car last summer, remember?" I heard Bella laugh in the background as my cell phone began ringing and she grabbed it, talking to the person on the other end. As Bella's smile grew and she chattered on incessantly, I could tell she was talking to my mother. It's like they all had an internal clock set to intrude on us.
"Well I'm glad to hear that Edward. I trust you to take care of my baby girl," he said stoically as I nodded my head, even though he couldn't see it.
"Yes sir."
"Alright then. Good night, Edward. Tell Bella we'll call in the morning to check in on you guys."
"Will do."
As soon as the phone clicked, signaling the end of our call, I breathed out a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, when I looked back to Bella, she was pacing the room talking to my mother about Alice's condition and laughing. Thankfully my mother was placated with talking only to Bella and shortly after they ended the call, we decided to just curl up in bed and watch movie after Bella told me that Alice was doing much better and she was finally home. All the movie options sucked, being that it was so close to Christmas and the channel selection in the hotel was slim to none, so we ended up watching 'The Ref'. It was about as festive as I was willing to get, and 10 minutes into the movie, Bella was fast asleep with her head buried against my chest as I stroked her hair softly until I slipped into the same deep slumber.
We finally left the hotel the next morning after it took me almost an hour to clear all the snow off the car and make space around it for us to get in. The roads were a bit slippery, but we took our time and got back to campus almost three hours after we left. Bella and I bid each other a quick farewell as we headed off to our own rooms, and I felt a bit remorseful about leaving her, but we had agreed on moving slowly.
So, for the next two weeks I saw her every now and again around campus and we'd chat, but never anything too long while we were out in public. Sometimes at night we would agree to go to the library together to do our studying for our papers or exams that were coming up. Emmett, Siobhan and Rosalie came with us every now and again, but never stayed as long as we did. Bella and I always stayed until the library closed, simply because we needed the extra time. Half of the time we were together we were staring anxiously at the other person, flirting without saying anything, and it made studying very hard. It made other things hard too, but I never once mentioned that to Bella.
On December 21st, Emmett, Bella and I packed up the car to head back to Forks since Bella and I both had an exam that morning. The exam passed slowly as I was distracted about what would happen when we got back to Forks. Bella and I had agreed the previous weekend to go out on a date on Wednesday night, since we were supposed to spend Christmas Eve at a party with both of our families, yet another Cullen / Swan Family tradition.
As we waited downstairs for Bella to bring her last bag, I had a brief conversation with Emmett and let him know in no uncertain terms, that he was sitting in the backseat. He grumbled and complained that it would be too crowded for his burly frame, but I didn't care. I wasn't backing down on this issue. I wanted Bella sitting beside me and when Emmett finally got into the back seat as Bella exited the front door of the dorm, I felt a vindicated and relieved. Bella was a much better passenger that Emmett.
"Did anyone check the weather before we left? I don't want to be holed up somewhere with you too because of a freak snowstorm or inland hurricane. Ooh maybe a huge sinkhole will open up in Port Angeles and swallow all three of us," Emmett chimed in from the backseat as I pulled out of the parking lot and Bella immediately plugged her iPod in. It was weird, since she generally preferred to use mine in the car, but I didn't complain. She could turn the wheel into oncoming traffic at that moment and I wouldn't care, cause she smelled so damn good.
"Clear weather according to the chief, Emmett. Just sit back and relax."
"Easy for you to say, you got the front seat," Emmett grumbled as I grabbed the lever to push my seat back all the way. "Hey, that's not funny."
"Well then shut the fuck up. You are getting a free ride home for Christmas." Emmett mumbled something else under his breath and I did my best to ignore him as the music started in the car and Emmett began to laugh and cough loudly behind me.
"Is this… the Backstreet Boys?" More howls of laughter filled the car as Bella stared straight ahead with a smile on her face, clutching the iPod like a lifeline. I tried not to smile too broadly, but I couldn't help it.
"This was the first song we ever danced to together. Grade 4 Valentines' Day dance at Forks Elementary, right?" Bella just nodded her head as Emmett's laughs finally subsided in the background and I tried not to sing along to the song. I never admitted to Bella but after the dance I bought the CD and played 'As Long As You Love Me' on repeat for like four months straight. Well, in the privacy of my room, that was it. I never told anyone about it. I wasn't stupid.
The next hour or so continued along the same way. Bella would play a song from her iPod that reminded me of something from our past and we would talk happily about it, ignoring the sarcastic or disparaging comments from Emmett in the background. When 'Tenderness' by General Public came on, Emmett couldn't help but sing along as Bella and I chuckled in the front seat at how enthusiastic he was.
Bella looked at me anxiously when we passed the Sequim Bay Lodge where we had stayed during the snowstorm, but I just gave her a wink as 'Keep on Loving You' by REO Speedwagon came on and I immediately broke out into loud laughter. "I take it you remember this song?"
"Who could forget Renee and Esme getting plastered at the Town of Forks July 4th festivities three years ago and singing this song at the top of their lungs on the small stage," Emmett remarked from the backseat as he too was laughing incessantly. "Didn't one of your mom's try to take her top off?"
"That would be Renee," Bella blushed. "Charlie jumped on stage and got her re-dressed before too much skin was shown, thankfully. I really think it was one of her prouder moments. That and some shit that went down at a Rick Springfield concert with Esme back in college."
"Didn't Newton hit on you that night?"
"He used to hit on me every chance he got," Bella remarked as I grumbled in frustration, remembering all the times I heard Newton flirt or compliment Bella all through high school. He was one of her more persistent suitors, and up until graduation he was relentless. I hated each and every guy that went on a date with Bella in school because I couldn't get up the nerve to ask her. I could hang out with her for hours on end and spend holidays with her family, but I couldn't ask her to McDonald's for a damn McFlurry.
In hindsight though, I think we were always meant to go this route – with Europe, college and probably even Liam. I wasn't pleased at how things went, but if it meant I was going to get Bella back in my life in whatever way she wanted to be, then I would be happy. Hell, if she was my girlfriend again, I would be fucking over the moon ecstatic.
"Are we almost there?" Emmett piped up from the backseat, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Dude, you know how the route goes. We've driven it hundreds of times. Yes, we are almost there," Bella snapped at him as he suddenly started screaming out for the music to stop.
"For the love of all that is holy… shut this shit off." The song had changed to 'Viva Forever' by the Spice Girls and Emmett clearly wasn't enjoying it. As I looked in the rearview mirror, his hands were clasped firmly over his ears and he was shouting 'na na na na I can't hear you.' Of course, Bella and I ignored him because I knew exactly how much this song meant to her.
Shortly after Alice had been born, my mother took a shower and left Bella and I to keep a listen for her while she napped. We had been playing video games in my room when a four month old Alice woke up screaming bloody murder. Bella went in and rocked her to sleep while singing that song to her and I watched from the doorway completely in awe at how comfortable Bella was with my little sister. After that whenever my mother had trouble getting Alice to rest, she would sing the song to her and little Alice would pass right out.
We passed the 'Forks' sign just as the song ended and Emmett breathed a sigh of relief. I stopped at his house first and we did that half hug thing that guys do and we agreed to talk later in the week. When I got back into the car, knowing full well we only had a few minutes till we got to Bella's house, I grabbed her iPod and switched to a song I wanted her to hear. Of course as I looked down at the iPod, I smiled as I saw the song was next on her playlist, which was called ECLips. Curious.
I had seen the playlist before when I swiped her iPod last June before she went to Europe, but I had been so focused on my goal that I hadn't paid much attention to it. Now though, I was very interested in it.
Before I had a chance to find the song I wanted, 'A Message' by Coldplay came on and I noticed Bella watching me from the corner of her eye, both of us smiling brightly. I reached over and threaded my fingers through hers as we drove down Emmett's street and around the corner towards the Swan house. "What's with the playlist?"
"Uh… what?" Bella choked out as I motioned towards her iPod between us.
"ECLips. It's a bit of an odd name for a playlist don't you think?"
"No, I think its self explanatory really," Bella said simply as we pulled up in front of her house and she immediately began to get out. I followed suit and opened the trunk for her as she stood anxiously beside the car. She had taken her iPod out of the car, so I realized I wouldn't know what the next song would be.
"What's the next song?"
"Coldplay again."
"What song, Bella?" I asked as she grabbed her bags from the trunk and clutched them anxiously in her hands as I noticed she was biting her bottom lip. I closed the trunk and watched as she began to move towards her front door.
"Green Eyes."
A grin grew across my face as the name finally hit me… EC Lips. Edward Cullen Lips.
All those songs had reminded her of me. Bella had her own playlist for me, and it wasn't new. She had it for months, before the summer even. I turned to look at her again, but Bella was already dashing up the front steps as Renee opened the front door to greet her. Her mother waved at me happily as Bella called out to me.
"See you tomorrow night, Green Eyes."
